The Huntington argus. [volume], August 24, 1872, Image 6

About The Huntington argus. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1872-1905

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jesmk addiu;sm:tii hi rah.
Air—“Johnny, l hardly knew you.’*
r *m« to luy arin«, Ulyatea dear,
B w boo, boo hoo.
Come to my arji*, Ulyaae* dear,
lJ *o hoo, boo hoo.
Coiiva to my anna, Ulyoaoa dear,
The*Liber.da oaiiftot hurt you here,
Who put that big flue io Tour ear?
Oh, 11 tram, 1 hardly knew you.
With uncle* and mud*, gift* and grants,
The Liberal* fairly slew you,
Oh, Hiram, dear, you look so queer.
I’m blowud if 1 hardly knew you.
1 have no thank* for Sebum nor Bank*,
Oh, no, not mueh.
>o thank* for Sumner, Schuri nor Banka,
Oh, no, not much.
i*u h ilieu a* Sumner, auch a* Hauk*,
Will kad away «no.«t of the Yank*,
Ihty will ooon empty nil our ran .a,
Oh, Hiram, 1 hardly knew you.
With uncle* and aunt*, Ac.
That Ooiuingo would not turn out no,
Oh, oh, you know I told you #o,
Boo hoo, boo hoo.
T»i* Liberal war i* ju.-t the price
Ol y..ur not taking iny advice.
All of your life you'll live on rice,
Btcauae you wouldn't obey uie.
Cuotaa—
With unde* and uunte.Ae.
TIIK I.K.AI* YEAR I'l.OT.
It was leap year, I lie-day of .June,
HUS, and Tom Itnthburu nut in I,,* ot!i.-o
dw|. Ml Ilia complexities „| „ ,!iif|cuH oh Me, !
for loin wits a thriving young lawyer, who'
liel.I a monopoly of lie irly all the’ import
ant law Imiiuiicsm in the town ol W_
A hanileon■ e fellow was Tom, nml a
clever one too, nml enough ol a catch to
keep in continual palpitation the hearts of I
some twenty or thirty susceptible voiin*.
ladies, mid the heads of their maneuvering
mammas to say nothing nbonl brothers, ,
who liked influence, and male parent*
wrh an eye to the mniu chance, ni d Tom
hore In- liouura meekly, didhis duty by all,
and would have acted Lothario to perlcc
"J’ii ",ri i* ixd that, however be attempt
ed to conceal it. every one was pretty sure
that his heart Imd been given away some
two or (lire years previous, and one person
knew it, and tint was lovely Mary Field
who held the gift in fee. ” ' I
Ah, poor Mary! it wasdouhtful if alter
ali the gilt was worth the having, lor it
was ol that troublesome nature that Irom
the moment it caine into her possession,
her peace ol mind went away, and ut the
time ot which we speak her paltcnce was
nearly gone too
A long engagement is a weary thing,'
particularly a long engagement kept se
cret, nml more particularly still when no
uurthiv reason exists why 'that engagement I
should not li nd a speedv end in 111 at 11 mo- *
»r
Itut loin “hadn't quilt nettled yet,'*’and
so •Wanted to be better able to keep \*nrv
like a lovely Iwtlv, su »*lie wan, ’ ami ho ,
lortb and so on. In tact loin waaavvtullv
in love, be liked dallying and bad an in
structive horror ol housekeeping and ha-1
bins. And matters went on, nml poor Ma
ry was tulked abo t ami wondered at and
Speculated upon, and kept denying soft ini
peach meats, until tbe accumulated l'elion
ol libs she had piled upon the Ossa
ol tier conscience hid lair to o'er top the
skvisit h ad of b|ue Olympus,'' and that
before long, loo.
So ullairs stood On the dav of which wet
write, when Tom sat in his ollice Mu lying
his dillicult case ami Mary sat at liinn ■
pei imps who knows/ — trying to study out
JJut other business, usually urg nt was!
being carried on, il we might judge Irom j
llie excited and determined Countenances
ol a certain triumvirate, wliieh was hold
iiig a -oleuiti and important conclave in'
Jtiv little l ack parior cl Mi-s .tliucrvu U ii
Itains, d ar. goisl, but somnwhnl vehement
soul, of lor y -uinm..* M.-s |l,.(,v
L’erkins, her contriiiporary in years held
the chair, and Mrs .Mercy Monism,—
vvidvnv .MouIron, n- -|,e w „«’ calletl-com ,
|KUd tiie .. .| (no
• MU }>IM‘<X.JI|lg« IV,:, . ril .J
iniicli mystery nml con.iJerablt! m.phiiiM
Unking, and after some 1*0 Imurs I*•
Ul"mullet 1 iii Mime lem ii|,. |,,|| G| W;l|*m
consolation, die meeting rne.l. an,I
u,e | trier ->•(>:»mlini„ci,i«r s,„,kln.
"• Ike brilliant eyes ol llie vri.l.. v . iran.niu
Cj,ii,|.Ih, . nev holding iter ll,rui... m M ,„
“'"I high nil,I Men, re»nlie
lisliii,:uialiiiig lli** tincoin|irommiiig le,i :
Uires ul the a hi like M „rr,a
Nol a lerv long nine i.ail wlten
there eanie u knuek in loin a nitre door,
ui.ll li.e |ir,*n.pt an-ner w.i«, ■•(•<,,ne in '
In walked Mrs Mrrev Moulson
"ur herns i.olitemwar exer-me. an.l
uuinl inn,;ti l-owing, s| i n hi', n.g an.l ...
Ivan, the "ulna wnt, eonilorlittily installed
III u , I II r, III,a lun, waited ail altruism
the i.imMnpure of her Im<kiii*j«
• ^oaare | er, n,.s, snriirlse.l at .ceVur
me .Mr Kelli Inin >
»>n, dear, no, replied the gallant Tom
“Lawyer* ate never mir|,rise*I only too
h,i|t|'», etc, etc
' •»"* *« •. • I r-e.llv -
I,;.. -,r. >,.„r.ell, m, ile ,r madams
ink- lime, sai.l Ion., eons .ler.iiely,
.ei i.y s ue Iiihi Hie In.Jy Im.I eallel I., ja.
Uusl I,im «it|, . „ ,)rl.
1 ale and 1 iicrati r ninure *li you
I will (oiiiiitiit lor h w "
‘ Oli. im*. if it 1mm to ..(or over
Hie; (Mil—till** in v.-ry eMhum-.h./ ' ■
' *l», „o, Hi'i I *mh *uodiin^|y( "not ut
.11
itfli
nil. J am u,|. rectpif t .. ,
J. •»<•«. you need „ol
there any l|.IT)/ | run ,|, fu<
^ e-. I liHVe Cotiif . .f. raiitrr. I
)«—. Oil. how ilrrifJt.il It i„
ly iifiprtttrrieti wonm
AK II !• Imlee.l ” ( A eondolaUj
from 1 oiu )
M r.iiu vna who has I era -he*.. mini
an.l tlie*,.lo, Lmi...-1 „r lace
Ml...lire han.lk. I„ef, t„e ,l„lv
a»H» ui—ol~| may say, rrlr.mpeci— Mi
Ivailil.nrn. nner havin* I...,„ a
>vnr»*ll, you .Ion i kn'i» what a John
vital wr* h wi low i
Ah, l know, -ahl lVim, ,t,a,e
" “•«' snheratme ol Ins sym^tliy
Uare hni.aeli a widow, „r n.,y,|n„r ,*„
V " “ * H Isanaei,
VJI, (her* lie,,mss..I her I,an.l) r,.„„u„
» oil Miiirmlier my ds< eased liushai JP
"i.j.nte 1II., nsniiuluusijt *''•*
Iridlifc *
‘•Now we’re coming U> it—mime question
about a will," said totn to himself.
,‘W u I t good wile to him?”
‘ All, niailik.'iin he knew bent how gooj.”
“AuJ could—couhl another love me Jo
you think?"
“Think!" wee the exaggerated answer o
the rush Thomas. ‘T Jo iiui think, but l
Oh, happiness—dear Torn I"
And the widow encircled his neck with
her plump arms, aml^hid her blushing face
on hia shoulder “Then coul l von—would
you marry me? It s hap year, you know.
“Hires my soul! Mrs. Moultin. madanie
you’re mad!" exclaimed Totn, staggering
beneath the weight of bis etoul all J help
less burden.
“Oh, tie!" said she, leaning still more
heavily; “only happy, Tom,'
“But—this is too much. Sit down there
will you?" ami he bundled the tender crea
ture unceremoniously into the chair. “1
say you are mad.’’
"I say I am not, said the lady positive
ly. “Vou sec, Tom
• Don't call me Tom—I won't stand it "
“Hear me, it's you mat are mad, I
know. Come now he reasonable. You
know you can t relusc me, for it's leap
year."
“I lie deuce I can't!“ said Tom, defiant
ly- _ “1 say you had better gel out of ibis,
lor it's carrying the joke a little too tar
* 1bl, its no juke at all/ said the widow,
beginning tosob. “You,unkind, cruel man
oh! oh!*
T?li, lor the Lord's sake, do slop! Dr
y "U want to have all the neighbors in here
Do come to reason, said loin iuiploriug
“1 lo-o-ve yon I" said the lady.
"fill goodness!” said Tom.
on treat lae with rudeness and con
tempt! Uli, very well,” and the lady
made a summary movement to the door
"Very well "
it hat shall 1 do? Mrs. Moulson, do
stop one minute Oh, mercy on me! Don't
you know, ma'am, that I am already eu
S*V Jf'
ejncuinieii ms mir persecutor.
“\N hy, yes! hui<I Tom, catching nt a
^par of hope, “io Marv Field.’
‘ Ah, bail! Y ou’11 never marry her, af
ter dallying with her so many ve.tr*» 1 11
h:i\e you yeti’* and a wicked gleam shone
in her black even.
*‘Hut the day is all fixed, and it’s—it’s
next month! And fio you see—
\Y l»y could nt you tell me that at once?
Fixed, it? You declare to that?
“Well—yes.*’
I hen see that >011 .-taud to it!” and she
bounced oil ‘‘Next month, rent ember !
oh, "on | 1 tell a^out you, though!"
And down the street went Mr-*. Mercv,
fdmki g behind h**r \eii vv.tli laughter, to
betake her.seIt to Mi.-> lieUy and Miss Mi
nerva, and impart to them tlie grand suc
cess ol the opening acme ot their little
stratagem
1 heie was a moderate intermission du
ring which our hero tried to compo-c hi
shattered nerves, and then a single drop
"as given to the knocker.
loin, still discomposed, and with a vague
pteseiilintent that the day was not yet over
l°r him, went hunselt to the door, and be
held, Miss ilct-sv Perkins, dre-sed up in her
very best, and entiling with h«r blandest
expression.
She edged heraell in, for Tom seemed in
cliiied to shut the door unc^remoniou.-lv m
her face; and, taking her seat, said in hei
brightest little manner l
^ * Vou v« u cheerful place here, Mr
Half beguiled by h* r harm less appear
ancc, Tom answered that lie hid.
“And pietty t,id\, considering.”
Yes. ’linn like*! things tidy.
“Ihit I m tninking. .\ir l oin, bow much
more cheerful and tidy it might be. Y mi
have never thought ol marrying yet—oh.
’ mi, ) i it iiici
“J thought no. Now then, Mr. Tnm, \ t,u
H‘0. 1 in h lowe kim! of l.ixl v, Hud Viliv
screwed up one eye, ami beamed benevo
lently mi him will* the other, and hiwuvm
had a fancy lor Voting folk* anil some
one—a sort ol inmIim*rly love. II.ivv would
il do tor you and me to pet up together.'
1 Mine now, you had la tter consider it —
Any wavt you wouldu t like to re-use me,
KIT panl l oin, rather atiipified
W liv. it being leap w ar, a man isn’t
permitted in law to re use a woman who
e..m. - triiPttuliy ami coi.iidentiud) offering
Inr-elt. and sue giggled with mi gled
modesty and glee
* 1 declare I d.. » know what y >u .«).
menu. It s a plot, a vile, wicncd | t’ —
Now, listen! he thundered in a voice loud
enough to wake an Egyptian luiifiitny, *|
am engaged1 engaged’’ he ronreil again,
ai d phak ng her by the arm. So go and
tell it to every body, and L mean lobe
married next wppk. too! Now take wnir
-elf otr from here and lieboi-ted her I nun
the » hair, and gave her a jsi-Ui toward the
‘Well I declare, you need til he so
mighty v olent I haven't insulted v»u.
Mr l..m anyway »»h. dear. Millie wid
"W - done the bn-,,-*. f«»r von -has *he'
1>mii l la I; ’o me of your intern »i wid
"H "* -•••.! I •*»». aliooet (reside li m-rlt, |
am g»mg to marry Mary t,| ^„w j,.
you under-land' I.mHi..| t.-ll it f.» every
• o •• ihodav iaifjcad—tai wall t» . hi
he waved hi- nr n mnj.Hticuly in the di
rect on* „r the door
*»», y mu might ns wel! have tol.
f»Mhiel\ | m gUd tor one that I a n
in y§n w tnm. Von mav teli Mi v
l..-r ... .. I. j.., I ,.r j„ (./„
.re )-. , w.'tl, .... | l».r,pr ii,,iiu„.r,
.■ «»l«lM.r|elr.,rt„| tt.ii, „
l.itJe -inj «• .... | rotlrip-y
»i I
N w • - i,.| r.. |,
>•' ’*"• “ m.i.iuip I.. |.«r i„r .
.. 1 pI.p ... i,Hvr w.p .,,.rv .
l ip Wll»le l«wn in !p.. ih in f.,„e \|
r\ <• ip o. tl.pi.if l'..|r II A| „■. , Hr...
***•.*. !",r il. • K'v nt .....
A ..( I.p l.p^ft.i l.iil,p.ii..i^p .
**t* ..^ I...i.pp1i j.. .if*|p, r, , ITl,r j __ (
-Ml. all ll.o | .ml
,>,t| •» assume.
"Iliuiiia, Iteil.l.itra," mi,I „ ,0j. e
the •twit wmdo v.
Up i„t„p,j fi.mfr.H,,,. j )|j
"'ll»«w,ihiu.fn rrl,p»r-p.i
iimi-it ti.p ,„„r „„ furill;r
c»-i..i,-. r.oop, |l.«i tl>„„ Wrfl. .
~-n|«r„.„. I., I.p ^rU|p.
Mis* Minerva only smiled grimly an I
! refused to believe
“I'alk away," the said “ftachelora are
not going (o be let run around loose
any more, destroying the peace of miml
of artless and cos tiding females with their
humbugging talk Come!" Sh • w as u I
i going to trifle, but to act. He was going
right off to chur< h to marry her within Hit
hour, it she had to carry him in her arms,
so he might as well go quietly.
And truly, wim Iter jiowerlul frame and
calm deierminuliori of purpose, site might
easily have carrel him anywhere whether
he would or not or a heavier man than
Jrhere was one chance left, Tom took
to his heels with an agility of a flying Mer
cury, pursued by the gaunt Miss Minerva
Mary, who liaf is ried to lie at the win
dow, ami not knowing what terrible news
imp,lied him to mch haste, ran to open
tiie door.
His first greeting was startling but not
horrible
“<inick, Mary, lame our weJding Jav,
and save me from this ogre.”
Miss Minerva, with laughter and exer
cise, well nigh spent, gave uy the clim-e.
and lorn ai the tin ot Mary, had express
i I his penitence, obtained absolution for
nis long trial ol her patience and had ex
torted Ironi her li|«tlie promise that was
10 ,llltill bis declarations to his rapacious
persecutors.
Netsl we say that ou that day mouth
tom became a proud and happy Inn band?
And Miss Minerva Williams, Mi»» liel
^ erkins 11,id Mrs. Mercy Moulson am..I
the shouts ol the assembled company
and the good uatiircd merriment of the
bride and groom, related a full account ol
tbe w hole circumstance, and received the
congratulations 01 the guests upon the lym
byctc siici ess ul their remarkable Leap
iv tni:,
I wan in n drug store in Elmira, when
in rushed a fellow who called lor a pound
ol cample.r, ami downed the whole of it.
j 11 '»»'* a surprise party to me. and I said.
“Wlmt the deuce did he do that for?
“Win - -aid drugs, “he in lined."
“I.ined. says 1; ‘what is that?”
Then lie told me.
j Some years ago, a gentleman who was
aljoiu to gitc a dinner party spent a whole
week show ing his servant how to make
mock-turtle soup When the day came
-lie made the mock, and the turtle, a.i
the soup nil right, and just HH she was
about to pour in a hotlle of claret little
bov entered, singing, “Everything i- lovely
and the goose hangs Ugh," which de
tracted her attention, tin l -he made a mis
take. t.inl poured in a whole bottle ol liair
‘ I’ J if make hair soup?’1 said I meekly
“Ala-, sail! lie, “the results were sad."
“What were the results?” -aid I
‘Jtsrn it, said he, ‘didn't I just sav
they were sad? ’
loll, said I, “ “how did tile mock-tur
tle wind up?"
Ah. 1 said he. “two went to the Morgue,
four to the hospital, and ull who didn fdie
were called the survivals, and that fellow
yon just saw was one of ’em " ,
“Wlmt the .leiiee does he swallow so
much ihinplior for?" says I.
Wei! lie said, "licit tonie started the
hair growing down his throat : and he
took the camphor to keep the moths out "
1 f'ighl between u (‘atfieli anil
.TIOCCiullI Mlllkf.
'l l.e Savannah ItepuUiatn tell* the fol
lowing vouched lor by a gentleman of
■bat city who recently had the occasion to
vu.ii the iimrsli on the other Mile of the
river While over there, standing in t !i«*
mai>h near a pool of water, he notice. 1
■hat something wu* going on in it that one
in not accustomed toseeevrrv dav.and on in
ve-tigMiing the .-platter that wash.-mg made
m the water, found .bat a verv larre nmc
. io*in and good sized eatfi.-h were having a
terrible fi^lit 1*1.e occurrence was highly
interesting to him, and lit got an near hh
1**;'hh* to «ee a i.,,t would he the end of n
j I’he combatant* vere fearfully in earnest
ami terribly energetic in theu efforts loan
iii)iilute each oilier. The catfish would
make d .ring |u*•*•>« at the snake, always
ii -11» g his tins '^-tiek his antagonist with
ami l.*e sunk nr. the other hand, Would
have 10 !* *-rtally energetic in keeping
Hear the id. irp points of ti.e catfi.-di h
tins I he line n.«n» would throw himself
into “trikii.g p->*011011, and strike verv fast,
m order to he fpial with the trantic surge* ol
llit* < i.llhh. -U last tht* eatli*h, in making
a pH-- iA the make, struck I. * *harp tin
somewhere i» a tender part of tlie snake’s
l»elJy, an»F the moccasin in turn clinched
the cattish in the back oi the neck In
fin** p*-ition hoth antagonists clung to
each oilier until they Were dead—the poi
s**u it* both seeming erpisl. The fight
I a* ted about iw g.iy minute*, including tne
last chi.eh of tli« con tost ants.
A Totxmw iMcuucxr—One of our
Western CX NiU.geS gels off the following'
Aii old )><n»i*cral, a d h gnie fr<>tn Indi
ans, wb- -e^n leaning against the wall
of a haihl ng a lew minute* a.'
l*,r the adjournment ».f tii«• t'meinnati
*'nuvenlion weeping bitterly. When in
ti rrogste»| by a kind heart. I gentleman,
w h.* w :»• piMii.ir, as to tne cause ol his
tronlde. a-km • Jum at Cue same time it he
coni,! serve him *iti any way, the mortified
nod grn ilold man replied. • N.. u>v
..«oo l ’ o .'l
know* | u.-n I was deal lor fortV long
vear* I %■ tu rn votii. t!*e i>iino«Tiitic tick
*t. wnd I \e made an affidavy that Id
1 ‘ l“rtjr and her, li.rjV- g„.
,n,l I ' I o hr, t" v«iu* inr I. m i , *•
I • . . • 11 >. I I- ,fi#t il III '! j nr 1,; r j,k ||| V H ill
' IVX An I Hull Hint nil, M > rf. I ,,
TH-..I r..... ..,1,. ami Ilia, rr all alit .i. .
ai.-l I r. *c"iit inaiii Mini .nun, n ni *l.t
mn li... II. t.'lr.i k . in..! oil., r D,
.(••mil — to Il.i'in childrrn -ami wry latrlv
'•"* ' • " tw li'mi wii.it . rv. rla.-tl'i oi l
tojitn Iota, olii Orw V a.,<i now
•hey l*av Hit gonr l.a. k on n.p h.,,| I „■
not I.J 1*0 1,01,0- to ll,-,,, hoy. an.I ti ll '■ n,
tl.al their old ,la,l - lieen „ lyin’ to |h,:ln
n't In* life a.,,1 that oil l!o n« lire/.ey i*
on. <.( the l.or l'a anninled!' And the
frair. deociveil, ami nlmort htan-hrolt.-t,
t* 1*1 titan I hirat into ,<«r* n^ain, trembling
went I, , war ravine only
•loi'i t,«, noitl, tu Unr, i i;
w,o wreiy Utah my I.ra.t”
i.niTvriox.
^ hen I wan the dirtiest little tow head
—and I am sure that dirt is no disgrace—
that tramped to the village school, a trav
eling phrenologist declared that my Lump
el imitation covered two-third* of my cra
nium, and an the days waited the aforesaid
hump tally developed itself. My lather
used to tell me that
, **Live*uf great men all remind u«
We can make our liven rublime,**
and I at once proceeded to imitate great
inen that my existence might he an sub
lime as anybody'll
1 liegan with Washington, upon whose
nciH I enlarged somewhat. I took my lit
tle hatchet, crept to the young orchard ol
j cherry ..nd peach, and leveled it to the
ground. My hump of imitation was at
work My sire discovered the deed, and
when he asked me regarding the author
-hip. I forgot a portion ol the Washington
story, and-wore I didn’t know anything
about it. Ihit my ulittU hatchet ’ con
demned me. Particle#* of the sod yomg
hark adhered to it. and you wouldn't take
the at plication of peach and cherry that 1
got lor all the lives ol <i W. ever publish
ed -nice the death ol Old I irimes.
1 lien 1 resolved to imitate Alexander
U e hail a line colt, as firey us Vesuvius,
and an untamed as Ma/.cppVs Tartar. IIJ
-houId he lhicephaliis. I his Alexander
While the old lolks were absent, I hri lei
the colt, with difficulty, led him from im*
s a1 1. an ! drove my spurs into his Hunks
lie snorted; his posterior extremities shot
upwnrdnt the sun, and I described a t'anli
lefs parabola over Ins head An hour nf
terwards they picked me lip with a broken
arm, h dislocated collar hone, almost
.-calpul and a nose knocked forty ways
for Sunday The physician hoped, lor mv
own good, that the buuip Of imitation hud
b-en spoi'ed, but subsequent action declares
its qualities unimpaired.
» hen <|u.ie voting my father had im
pressed upon mv childish mind Ule life ot
Benjamin Franklui, how worthy ot imita
tion it was, sin) tv hen 1 recovered from that
I Uuceiiliuliin laploit, I resolved to please
theoldinnn by imitating Hen. I made it
kite, painted II. F ’a nice sayings nil over
' i:. M le the door kv and went out into the
liekieto jerk the lightning Irom the clouds
I succeeded; a little tla-h ot tire tan down
the string and knocked me senseless. For
hours they thought me dead; hut I recov
ered wit It a hairless cranium. I wasn't
done With Franklin yet You know he
walked through Philadelphia with six
‘ loaves ol bread under his arm, three in his
month, and a handful of gingercnkes. I
resolved to thus imitate the postmaster
I got my -ister to stand in the door
and plav the voting lady who laughed at
Hen Hut where was I to get the bread?
* htr cupboard happened to he as Imre us
Mother Hubbard's latnous larder. A
larky thought struck me. I resorted to
the baker, sent the bilker into the oven to
-ee if the mince pics were done, gobbled
my paraphernalia and started. 1 tell you
I cut a figure going down town with six
loaves ot bread under my arms, and sister
shinned me just like the'girl did Franklin
Suddenly somebody cried “Stop tliiei! " and
I saw the baker coming at me. I ran un
der the bed and let the curtain down, hut
it was of no use. The brute broke up the
didactic entertainment, and it cost our
j folks about lotiy dollars to keep me]from
| going with the sheriff It learned them a
•essoti, however, to fit rid It their offspring
with bread. That moral save I me a birch
ling. The bump ol imitation was still “up
| to snuff
'* hen I fell hack on Columbus lor want
I >’* modern examples. 1 read how lie made
the egg stand on end. It was near Ka-ler
and the hoys laid laid in the usual supply
• it ovate'‘bivalves '' I bet that 1 could
, make an egg stand on its beam ends
' riiev Staked udozen bivalves on the prop
osition I simply played Columbus, and
| the little rascals swore it wasn’t fair I
re ached for the slakes, and got them too—
all over me I was a walking specimen ol
! unadulterated eggnog. Then they licked
me, and Hint dilapidated ear wouid have
, been whole were it nut for Columbus’ Idol
sinters. The imitation hump will never
< leave me.—.Saturday Kernlay Mail.
A Vmn Pkx-iiii-tion—The following
einiUHiii'f teller wan recently received hv
ilie I liief ol Police of St. i.ouis, in reganl
to a stolen horse:
“Drqrotx, Ii.m.
I To /hr Chi,/ of Police. .St l...„ic, Mo.:
I "-'I'1—You would l’leuse to keep n
Skind cyit out For II Buy Mare Itiuher
Iso* cnrtdged Dark Bay Mare with blank
main & Tail.
' Black leg- got a stunll Stare in liar
foreheurl. Snail- Sign of the collar on the
'topol hIIr Seek a lue whit heirs al so a
very t om pi i t mare four years old This
-1-10,1- Belonging to Tboa. King Cade liu
,|Uoill Ills.
"I have a Sorrel horse a horse ahout 15
I 'J l,n,.-Is high It III tier III! the Sleo.hr
lluill Hither a high rartdgrd horse a
' bright sorrel a small stare in his forehead
Ills Mam A tail Bather on the flaehev
| order holds hie tail to the left Side.
•The horse is a very good si-e he e, a
verrv lengthy horse, travels up well—-verv
h'l.g w liking, hi- gait/, is walk an.I Inn’,
I tie l-or-e w lien taken Not shod very short
I booefs, hoot* all fore (eel Black hools I
-I'-ak or the mar was si..eI helore when
- l Pleas if there should aov suit such
>ut—riplions pleas to wroe To Mr Tlmue
us, King Cade or f,«-wm ti Moore. *
As ljtlii iaiKNT.lt wi^—TIw.fudge who,
Wit- np|sntiled to the Kan-aa dlstrirt court i
hv dr. I.ioeo n i- a-'eii>, d of eoitdu, ling .
no , -tin in a rather tree and easy wav.
1 i-llr when under the influence ol Ii
io r Wioi, in this eondilinn lie is refsirt
* i i , have t. id a convieted prisoner that.
I Virtue Ilf his personal regard lor him.
h*' would sentence him to only tlirre tear
and give him a letter of introduction to'
tlie w.i-deu of the prison, whom lie knew
vrri well, and who lie was sure would
’ *,rtH' him (the prisoner) ‘I ke a perfect
"Papa, stan I on that hearth " said a '
i-.t imarian to loe Jotmg pa.cut,’who oh
J ted that tiirhtsr.il ». U-s, rat. lied
id h- mother would n..t hke u • YtV,
|ftpri, tier. I wiwli )<#ii mu , | *
! n>> l'rtcr,
IkaMUse mamma I g ,e , ou fiiJ, i( u >
do, am! 1 ««:u l J at*. Lt;
*• 'ouirllilM, Different.**
I pe*-li cUa to see you, like nsh nete,
Uu; «b.u dul Zi„*i„ua,e
goonie away from youV
>Ueh was the salutation of a Teuton..
Friend whotu we met the other day in a
distant mty, where he bad recently gon*
to reside. The rea ter might not gum in
a lo.u tune what burnt,** ouc |rit0ti ,r0|ll
Cincinnati was engaged in, so wt will tell
you; he kept a lajer beer saloon.
“How do you like your new h.antion?
we inquired after his raptures of meet in g
a Cincinnatian hud somewhat abated.
4 Nice poy* in this towns; n.ce poy*
I he first night vot 1 opens my Btloon, tiiev
gooiuha in galls for la^er peer; doo. eight,
f*eex, hall a lozzen of 'em, uni Ven 1 sa\‘,
‘Who makes pay lor this too zooit already?*
hy tain, dey aay, put u on te schkrtV'
1 dole turn, *1 don’t geep no schlate.' Dr.
dey bus, ‘you patter send out unt puv a
srlilate. \ el, 1 vai/ts to uggom module—
tknre s .no briuctpal in dose ting*—so I
poiight a schhtie. Tike p<-er gopl calling
lor more poy*, unt i gept putting the
ncidate onto-Jem. i’ooty* qiticK already I
dells leui the achlate it pe.se full on poth
staler*, nut den dey .tells me it the schla.e
j-vse lull 1 fatter a-lv till my Tuch hen I
mit cm! \ el, .Lit i*h all right—there's
uo brincipal in done lings—dey arc nislt
“i*ooty hi me by alter leedle, they inakte
smash mit mine fmr, preaks mine |m»t:
unt knocks hail temimlion out ot mm.
looking glass uni mine head. Mine Coll ’
I vjis|» mad. 1 raider you kive me ten
dollar so much ash I vaeh mad.
"Hut dal pese ali fight—there's no hrin
cip.il ia dose—that makes nix t lie re i ice
N ice poy».
“They then galls me a tain Tuch son ’l
kun, unt I tells m they petter as to go the
tielul, their own tain American suouagim
N arli 1 rigiil? Veil, that makes nollin'e
titferenL r'
‘ They knocks the staircase town mine
I row, unt throws the window out of the
bahy. That s all rtgl.l—makes not ling
tilference—there s no brincipat in that—
nice jH»ys—hut (growing very much e.\*
cited, eniplias'zing each word on the bar
with Ins list) they puts water in mine glass
ol peer—unt Colt in himinel, that ish not
right—there s some hriucipil in dose tings
—that makes so n.-tings tilFereiit.0
s\\ VI.MMmt. A I A \ •
John 1 homas was a mmi of* keen wi»
ami strongly tinctured with a love ol tin
j humorous. lie had been down to Con*
eorl uud seen the Fakir of Av» perform
i his wonderful uiek* of legerdemain. He
' was relating bin experience in the bar
room ol the Con wa v house, and among
I other things declared that lie had gained
| an insight into many ol the magicianV
nmuipulAii.iiiH, and that several of ’the
mont wonderful tricks he could perloru:
‘ himneIf.
“I-or instance, said lie, ‘‘I cun swallow
a man whole.”
".’'an?' cried T un Staples, a red faced
woodsman, weighing at least two hundred
"pimps you could swallow me?’
-Ye*/
‘‘I d like to see you doit.”
“1 can do it.”
“I ll het you fifty dollars von can t”
‘*1 11 take that bet.”
‘‘Then let s tee you begin '
"Not now. I have just eaten my sup
per. 1 will do it to morrow morning, in
ihe presence ol its many witnesses as von
choose; and it shall be done in the Manure
in front of the hotel.”
I’liis was agreed to an I the money was
put up By the following morning the
news that John Thomas was to aw allow
loin Staples whole h.td become wide
spreud, and a vast concourse, embracing
men. women and children, had assembled
to witness the wonderful leal.
At the appointed time the .chief actor*
appeared in the equate John Thomas
was smiling coutidcntl\, as though sure ol
fUftvM, wnile Tom Staples looked a little
timid and uneasy as though not <|iiite at
re-t concerning what was to become o;
“Are you ready?’ asked John.
All ready, answered l’om **I>egiii a -
soon us you please
“Will you have the gooJness to take u.l
your hat/’
/*uw your i»o'H*
Tom remove.I In* bool*.
"Next you mil remove your com. Those
l>i« brass buttons nught stick in n, v
Tom look 01T bis coat, ami u* he threw
it on tbe ground one of the rOoka came
out from the Imt I tv.ili * pud ol melted
Iar<l and a big whitewash br i-o, winch in
deposited l.y tin- sale ol John I bun a*
".Sow.' pursued Join., "yon will take
off your stocking, ami ti. m remove your
pantaloon* ami shirt."
• Kb? D'ye mean for me to strip stark
naked?"' i|tiert*-.I Tout aghast.
'<)! course I .In I lie agreement was
I list I sboni.l swallow you. Ton are meat
but your clotbes are not. n r sere tbev in
tbe Isiiul |r you will strip I ivill give
you a thorough greasing, .I ilouble tin
l.et if y.ju wish. 1 know I enn swallow
you—or, at all events I can try'
loin gin eup the bet, ami'invited bis
fr.tnde sto tbe hotel.
Wn.s ,«• tT Hi i,i, |{, , —When Colonel
Henry \V,i-*i., mnv candi.lste lor Vice
I resident* wua in Boston r.i miga regiment
.1 little fellow one day presented lumsell hi
liradipi liners ami asked lor a com mission
"llav isjrnu seen s«rvioe? n-keii Colon.')
\Vil«m
N «*»e ( uSouet, I *.««?• .oilie throe month*
• Wert you at live bndle of Bull linn"*
"I was, Colonel '
t oloiit’! Wiison has a deliest. v pi
l"lJ"'l’r rn lino, so, winking to Ins stall he
“Amidid you run well'"
I us d duediligei.ee. Colonel I d.l tue
best | could, but I couldu t keep up wi ll
you in that hack
"lalk about you snultin a hilar * sskt
up willi burnin cliarcoai and dyin" easy.'
nenl a disgusted I lousier,‘why. I shulinv
sell in tiie ox-ysrd, and burnt ni.iren
bushel of the sinif, and nearly frosts, an I
d.dll l dm a bit. "Did you put the bare
np. HsKed a companion. "N tepid
the IImister, look.ng blank, 'aid that s
what ( eat me.'