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3&?0(V)en ... _ _ _ Dorothy Dix on "Women's Lack of Humor" BY DOROTHY DIX To everyone who takes an altruistic interest In the feminine sex It Is 'fcound to be a matter of profound re gret that women have so little sense Of humor. They miss such a good Joke in not being able to see them srelves. What else, for instance, has ever ;t>een so sardonically humorous as the spectacle presented by the suffragettes of starving themselves to death to spite a government that wouldn't give them the vote? Or what could be more amusing than woman's idea of enjoying her self at her club by sitting up and ;JJ«tenlng to a deathly dull essay on ithe "Ancient Byzantine Empire," that *ome sister clubwoman has dug out •ef the encyclopedia? And Isn't it a scream that the ma jority of middle aged wives are actu laljy going through all sorts of tortur ing exercises, and enduring starva tion diets in order to keep themselves thin and lithe to retain the affection of fat, bald, rheumatic, bay windowed ■fausbands? These and a hundred other femi nine peculiarities—to say nothing of j*he spectacle of a stout lady in the present style high water skirt—add fto the gaiety of nations, and it is foMxtbreaking to reflect that the poor (dears, who furnish so much amusa- Iment to others, miss the joke them- Welvee. It is, therefore, gratifying to no tice that the feminine bump of humor lis beginning to grow, and that lovely ftvoman Is at last coming to the place j"where she can enjoy a joke on her self, which Is, as every one will agree, ithe acid test of genuine appreciation »f fun. Tho proof of thia is furnished by a liady who recently had her husband arrested after he had beaten her [every day for a week until glie was jbattered and blue and had both eyes tbunged up. > At the trial, however, she with drew her charge of assault and bat jtery, stating, in explanation of her change of position, that she had found 'out that her husband was merely" whipping her for fun, and to prove to a friend with whom he had made n wager that he could beat her every -day for a month. "Had I known that «t the time," added the humor-loving Wife, "I should not have had him •arrested, but would have helped him !to win his bet, but the mix-up came through his not having let me in on the joke!" Of course, many husbands com h>lain that their wives do not catch Khe point of their witticisms, and so hhe wife who can take a drubbing as 'a playful bit of repartee will cer tainly do much toward making matri mony a merry jest. This new atti tude of women should be hailed with rapture, for there is no doubt that it will do more than anything else to lessen the domestio tension and Class Dinner to Mark Start of Commencement Exercises at Academy Commencement exercises of the Har lylsburg Academy, which will begin Fri day evening with a class dinner at the 'Harrlsburg Country Club, will con tinue until Thursday morning, June 8. ■> ilr. and Mrs. Arthur E. Brown will t»;wfer a reception to the graduating class, members of the faculty and the -trustees of the Academy, Saturday evening, at 8 o'clock. On Sunday evening, at 7:30 o'clock, the Rev. Dr. John D. Fox, pastor of Grace Methodist Episcopal Church, will preach the bac calaureate sermon. The commencement dance will be held Tuesday. June 1, at S o'clock. A feature of the exercises will be a baseball game between the sixth form and the faculty next Wed nesday afternoon, at 2 o'clock. In the evening, at 8:15 o'clock, "As You Like It" will be played by the Devereux fompanv on the Academy camnus. The exercises will terminate Thursday morning, June 3, with commencement exercises at the Majestic Theater. Freedom from Food ? Follies should come with Summer vege tables and fruit combined with a whole wheat cereal. Cut out the heavy, high-proteid foods of Winter and give Nature a chance. The ideal Summer diet is Shredded Wheat with fresh fruits and green vegetables—a food that clears the cob-webs from the brain box and gives muscular vim and energy that enable a man or woman to do things. Being ready-cooked and ready-to-serve, Shredded Wheat is a boon to the tired housekeeper in Summer. Get the "health habit" by eating it for breakfast with milk or cream. Then try it for supper with berries or fresh fruits. Your grocer sells it. Made only by The Shredded Wheat Company, Niagara Falls, N.Y. DONDI' ECZEMA 'REMEDY ECZEMA, BARBERS' ITCH, RING WORM AND ITCH Warm nrathcr nlll Increase these tortures. fJOXDI OINTMENT, THF. SPEDY AND POSITIVK TtF.LIRF. Price, Mr. THURSDAY EVENING, » HARRISBURG TELEGRAPH MAY 27, 1915. change life from a tragedy into a farce comedy. Everything depends on the point of view, and if women can only learn to look at matrimonial contretemps humorously instead of pessimistically their happiness and peace of mind are assured. For example, take the very common case of the husband who stays out at night with the boys, and comes home gloriously tanked up. Very few wives have ever seen anything in that situation except tears and anguish. Yet on the stage the maudlin fellow with his hat smashed in, his collar off. who staggers around from one side to the other, is con sidered so excruciatingly amusing that he gets round after round of applause. . If women's sense of humor has reached the point where they can see a joke in a beating, may we not an ticipate the. day when the drunkard's wife will joyously wait up for her spouse's return for the purpose of laughing at his funny efforts to find the keyhole, and thus one of the common sorrows of life be elimi nated? How much, too, it would do to brighten life if wives could only learn to regard their husbands' remarks about the household bills as mere facetiousness! It Is, really, when you come to think of it, absurdly funny, for a man to ask his wife what she did with that quarter he gave her week before last, or to expeot her to keep house on air, and it's nothing but women's lack of the sense of human that has prevented them from enjoying these domestic jokes. Certainly, if every man were oourt Jester to his wife, and she regarded his criticism on her housekeeping and his flings at her lack of management, and her general vanity, and weak nesses as an amusing monologue, de livered for her special regaling, she would save herself many a pang she now suffers. It is better to laugh than to cry. and to hu.Ve your funny bone tickled than it is to have your feelings hurt. ' And think of the hilarious time women could have If, instead of being worried into their graves by their Noras, and Hildas, and Dinahs, and their in-laws, they could see that the servant problem, and the mother-in law question are funny instead of tragical, and that in wrestling with them they are being permitted to dip into two of the perennial fountains of humor. Likewise, that when their children are bad and mischievous they should laugh with them, as with the Katzenjammer Kids in private life. In all good truth, women have al ways taken themselves too seriously, and an appreciation of humor would save them much trouble. And it would prevent them from making fools of themselves so many, many times. Temporary Receiver Asked For African Ostrich Co. Special lo The Telegraph Sunbury, Pa., May 27.—A tempo rary receiver for the African Ostrloh Farm and Feather Company has been asked for by creditors of the concern which formerly maintained 6fflces at Harrlsbwrg sstlll operates an os trich "farm" adjoining Paxtang Park. A hearing in an equity proceeding will be hied Monday. Collusion and fraud on the part of the management has been charged by holders of some of the stock, and Judge Witmer de ferred action on the request for a temporary receiver until that time as the stockholders have also asked that a receiver be appointed. The direc tors at a meeting last Saturday joined in the request for a temporary re ceiver. Claim, however, was made at the time that the company Is not in solvent. KAUFMAN S CASE GOES OVER AGAIN Dauphin County Man Was Once Refuted Pardon; Two Murder ers Refused Commutation The Board of Pardons last night an nounced that it had continued the case of Dave Kaufman, serving from two and a half to three years in the East ern Penitentiary for larceny commit ted in this county. Kaufman was con victed in 1913 and was refused par don early in the year. A new appli cation was made on the ground that his accomplice had been freed and that the puntshm'ent was dispropor tionate. Some investigations will be made. The board announced these decis ions: Refused—Mike Schuylkill, and George H. March, Delaware, first degree murder; C. H. A. Dissinger, larceny as bailee, Lancaster; Herman F. Borchers, forgery, etc., Allegheny; George Lee, burglary, Cameron; Stan ley Pietrykowski, felonious entry, etc., Montgomery; Louis Levlno, larceny, Allegheny; Michael Rose, statutory rape, Montgomery; Alex Paglia, illegal sale of liquor, Lawrence; Joseph Garzynski, larceny, Philadelphia; John Gallagher, assault and battery, Phila delphia; William C. Truxall, man slaughter, Lawrence; Francesco Scall, second degree murder, Philadelphia; Angclo do Ermeneglldo, second degree murder, Chester; Charles Mars, lar ceny, Philadelphia; John Yeager, as sault and battery. Franklin; James Stetson, larceny, York; Giuseppe Fer rsrro, second degree murder. Philadel phia; Luca Scese, manslaughter, Phil adelphia; Robert Bacon, burglary, Philadelphia; Felix Stortl, second de gree murder, Philadelphia; John Za kaluk, burglary, Lackawanna. Recommended—William H. Nash, forgery, Philadelphia; Constantino Fabino, burglary, Lackawanna; George Wright, larceny, Bucks; James Musk ey, larceny, etc., Delaware; John Behun, burglary, Chester; Frank Mus caro, assault and battery, Philadel phia; John Clifford, assault, Philadel phia; Daniel M. Take, assault, Leba non: David Stears, burglary, etc., Bucks; Albert Nlpert, burglary, Mon roe; Junla Tronsue, larceny, Bradford; Charles and Edgar Uhler, burglary, Lehigh. A FASHIONABLE SKIRT A New Model with Straight Flouncet that can be used for Bordered and foi Plain Materials. By MAY~MANTON 1599 Three-Piece Skirt Perforated foi Straight Flounces, 24 to 32 waist. Flounced skirts are extremely fashion, able and they will be extensively used both for dancing and afternoon gowns. This one is attractively graceful tor the widths of the flounces are just those to (jive the best effect of the figure. There is a three-piece foundation which can be made plain or with accordion plaited ruffle joined to the lower edge. The flounces are all straight and are arranged on indicated lines. The finish can be made either at the high or at the natural waist line. In the illustration are shown two suggestions, one for bordered ma twrial, one for plain and still another effect can be obtained by making the two lower flounces of a soft satin, such as salo.ne or charmeuse, with the upper flounce of crfipe de chine trimmed with a deep band of the charmeuse and using the skirt in combination with a blouse made of crSpe. Any band trimming can be used for a plain material and if a suitable fabric is chosen, the edges of the flounces can be scalloped, for scallops are to be much used throughout the season and make an extremely attractive finish. For the medium 6ize will be required, for the skirt 2% yds. of material 56 or 44 in. wide, trtth 5Vi yds. of embroidery or lace io\i in. wide and 2% yds. 27 in. wide, or 5 yds. of material 27 in. wide, +l4 yds, 36, 3 yds. 44, for the flounces. Tne pattern 8599 is cut in sizes from 34. to 32 in. waist measure. It will ba mailed to any address by the Fashion Department of this paper, 09 receipt of ten mu for ssaca. Bowman's sell May Manton Patterns. MINISTER ACCEPTS CALL Special to The Telegraph Little Britain, May 27.—Th® Rev. Alexander Thompson, pastor of the Little Britain Presbyterian Church, has accepted the call to become the pastor of the Presbyterian Church at Westfleld, New York. He Is a gradu ate of the Princeton University and has been apstor.here for six and a-half years. TO KEEP TREASURER'S OFFICE OPEN FOR TAX DELINQUENTS Beginning to-night, City Treasurer O. M. Copelin will keep his office open from 7.30 to 9 o'clock to accommodate the citizens who have not yet paid their personal school taxes for 1914. The same hours will hold good to morrow nnd Saturday evenings. The office will also be open from 2.30 o'clock until 5. "ESMERALDA" AT NORMAL Special lo The Telegraph Shlppensburg. Pa., May 27.—Prep arations are being made for the Alumni play, which will be given at Normal school on Alumni Day, June 22. The title is "Esmeralda." The play is under the dlrectlcm of Miss Stroh. Spend Your Dollar Where You Please The Thermatic a MAN whom you trade fef Fireless Cooker onJ y once in your PnnceSS m ' if life doesn't need to worry jjf \ ijj < XmSm 1 about his promises or his Dresser # * ffi your good will for his busi- ta « « c ? ptl ? n * l which was bought at a bargain an 4 ness, has to treat you RIGHT. hlK h. When we say "it's oak" it ITS* of vprtjcp a thinfJ 1 w<* miKt hsvs CoIOBISI Oflk Btlffct This flreless cooker is used extensively In all the "CI USC a llilllg WC lllUSl lIaVC larger cities. It is not In its experimental stare any n more. We have sold a number of these cookers to ll( Jm M A p* iI convince us that it Is the one good fireless cooker. * «L | | H ■ D Aluminum lined and aluminum vessels. 917 HO I*l r BR I Bent on tnai. Price * * • These f acts are self evident i|/XCftvV Aerolux Porch Shades N Therefore, when you get ready to spend that next Dol- prTJ SMmHigiiii erings remember here is a Kr . j prices. Tell us what you ■fr jS are for the protection of verandas and r t ~W sleeping porches. Patent reinforcements want. Give US a chance to y) and adjustable guys to keep them in po- serve you an( j t h en sen( j that Buffet. Drawer arrangement just sition when down ana to prevent whip- " ... . as the illustration shows, with ping in wind. Water-proof colors. Dollar where it will buy the '"J? £&2F"£SiC« Prices from S3.SO «P most I™™J One Whole Floor in Our Six-Story Por J h #ckar JMB Building Devoted to Floor Like cut XT® Coverings and Draperies bi —r yV* ~.. ML Jit fell An elaborate exhibit of Ross and Carpet* of the very latest patterns 1 I IWe woven ana weav «» ln *■ P rlc ® covering e-very ««ality from the highest ■"ffmii ■ cane Mat ! I——J3 tf r trade to those ot less cost t and high ffj 8.3x10.6 Body Brussels Rugs, all over patterns, $20.00 \ stSj bmok Mioxl2 Wilton Rugs, French Wilton patterns. _539.5© Wl 01 HQ _. , ... , i 27x54 Axminster Rugs . $1.98 Old Hickory Porch 36x72 Wilton Rugs ......_..56.00 Furniture 36x36 Wool Rugs , w,n4t ~ 25e „ ih! r l h, the T»eather'will Rubbei " Do 0 1" MatS effect more delicate furniture. wl " Cretonne, suitable for furniture coverings, 45c values, Chairs from. .$1.59 up at per yard . Garden Hose with couplings, per Rockers from $1.98 up Bordered Scrim, white and ecru, 25c values, at. tootm 10c A Liberal Credit Plan Arranged to Suit Everyone Standard Rotary, ...' $15.00 «JUs f W :iak~— | I Eld ridge _ _ . , . T JMPUL! 11 4. k ift' 5S 312 Market Street up (Scnl •Free $35.00 *T. ■ V $12,494 GIVEN FOR RELIEFWORK HERE Nearly All of This Sum Was Spent For Wages and Material For 40,000 Pieces of Supplies Citizens of Harrisburg and vicinity contributed $12,494.97 to the work of the Home and War Relief Committee during the past winter. Just $11,906.61 was spent In wages foe needy women and for materials upon which they sewed. Forty thousand one hundred and sixteen pieces of supplies were made up by the paid workers, volunteers and committee workers. Citizens contributed $5,998.60 In the house-to-house canvass made during the winter. Four hundred and six families re ceived wages ranging from $1 to $3 each week during the fifteen-week period. Those are some of the figures and facts regarding the wonderful relief work done last winter which were made public yesterday evening by Mrs. Lyman D. Gilbert, chairman of the executive committee. The report expresses the thanks of the committee to the public for its aid In the great work a,nd also makes special mention of the better under standing that the work brought about "between those who were asking for work and those who were giving It out." WOMAN FALLS FROM PORCH Special to The Telegraph Marietta. May William Appley, living town, yesterday fell from a hißh porch and was badly injured. Her left arm was broken at ,the elbow, and she la hurt internaJly. County Boys Take Honors at Conway Hall This Year Special to The Telegraph Carlisle, Pa., May 27. —County boys have secured the majority of honors for the year at Conway Hall, accord ing to the statement of standing made to-day by Dr. W. A. Hutchison, headmaster of the Institution. George Rupp, of Shiremanstown, has secured the valedictory oration for the com mencement exercises to be held next Wednesday and has the highest grade for the four years, and honor orations have been assigned to the following for class . standing: Joseph HUlbush, Newvllle; Ira Pimm, Camden, N.-J.i Robert Reiner, Mulr; Clyde Sheaffer, Shiremanstown; Kenneth Steck, Car lisle. The commencement exercises begin Saturday, May 30, and continue until Wednesday when the annual commencement will be held. The class this year is a large one, and numbers the following: George W. Blair, Cresson; George Bacon, Laurel, Del.; Rollln Clark, Mansfield Center. Conn.; Abe Goldln, Shenandoah; Roscoe Gougler, Harris burg: Dallas Gangewer, Allentown; Joseph Hillbush, Newvllle; Whiting Herrick, St. Marys; Evans Sanby, Chester; Ernest Kemp, Nantlcoke; James Lupfer. Bellwood; Frank Mar tin, Easton, Robert Mumper, Mechan icsburg. Louis MacGregor, Carlisle; John H. Metzger, Rebersburg; Tra Pimm, Camden. N. J.; Roy Pickens, Bell wood; Robert Reiner, Mulr; Charles Reed. Mt. Carmel; George Rupp, Shiremanstown; Leon Speck, Carlisle; Alton Simpson, Pittsburgh; Luis Ser rano, Ecuador, S. A.; Kenneth Steck, Carlisle; Clyde Sheaffer, Shiremans town; George Sweltser, Plymouth: Thurslow Todd, Phllipsburg; Richard Vaughan, Royersford. AUTO PLUNGES INTO RIVKH Car Gets Beyond Control of Lad Who Changes Gear Special to The Telegraph Wilkes-Barre, Pa., May 2 7.—Chang • lng a sear on his father's automobile, which had been left standing by the chauffeur to-day In front of the home of Lyman H. Howe, the moving pic ture producer, of this city, Harold Howe was unable to control the ma chine, which, after dashing across fashionable Riverside Drive, plunged over the bank, SO feet, to the Susque hanna river and lodged In nineteen feet of water. Young Howe was able to extricate himself, swim to the sur faoe and then to shore, a short dis tance away. The machine has been recovered. GOLDDUST Gives true household service Gold Dust really works. In millions of homes it is today doing the hard work which is really unnecessary for human hands to do if Gold Dust is used. \ That is why Gold Dust is the leading washing and clean- * ing powder in the world. Any woman who has washed dishes with Gold Dust knows what this means gffifegryj —knows how Gold Dust truly works iH, rSSffiinfil will be delighted to find out how Gold Dust cleans everything with the same thoroughness, leaving it new and bright 5c and larger package* sold everywhere "| A s ghm 6 OLD DUBTTWM& (ZBEZCFAIR BAN KSSEE3 dm your work" MAKERS WRECK CAtTSES DEATH Special to Tk* Telegraph Hagerstown, Md., May 27. —Excite- ment caused by a wreck caused the sudden death of Conductor Lewis Van Dean, an employe of the Baltimore and Ohio railroad at Brunswick yester day. The train of which Dean had charge, met with a slight wreck near Germantown and he was thrown against the side of the caboose. Shortly after Dean was taken sudden ly 111 and his collapse was followed by death.