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THK AC4E- HERALD
I. W. It A K RETT... Editor Entered nt the Birmingham. Ala., post office as second-class matter under act ©f Congress March 6, 1S79. Pally and Sunday Age-Herald. Pally and Sunday, per month. Sunday Aye-Herald, per annum.2.00 Weekly Aye-Herald, per annum.100 Subscription payable in advance. P. H. Russ and C. G. Witt are the only authorized traveling representatives of The Age-Herald in its circulation depart ment. No communication will be published without Its author's name. Rejected man uscripts will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose. Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will hot be responsible for money sent through the malls. Address THE AGE-HERAPD. Birmingham, Ala. Eastern business office, 43 Inclusive, Tribune building. New York City; western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C. Beckwith Special Agency, agents foreign advertis ing. Washington Bureau Age-Herald 1421 G street, N. VI. , There’s not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself. —Much Ado About Nothing. World’s Output of Gold. v The production of gold in the world is constantly increasing, each year being a record breaker. Ill 1903 the output was in value $326,527,200. We add the production of the last two years: 1905. 1901. Transvaal .$104.0!0,«W $80,275,000 T'nlted States . 8«,335,000 80,725.000 Australia . 85,520.000 87,100,0(8) Russia . 24.000,000 25,075,000 Canada . 14,430,000 15,400,(8(0 Mexico . 13,500,000 12,005,000 India . 11.035.(8)0 11,000.000 fchodesla . 8,000)000 4,820,000 West Africa . 3.166,000 1,730,(8)0 All others . 28,150,000 29,085,000 Total .$378,745,000 $.749,415,000 The Rand leads all the rest, and at last it has produced $100,000,1)00 of gold in a calendar year. The mines of the Rand were, however, producing at that, rate when the Boer war came on. The output of the Transvaal mines will be carried to higher figures this year, and It Is altogether probable that the world’s output of gold in 11)06 will exceed $400,000,000. So great an output will soon begin to increase prices. It has already done so. and continuous production will maintain and aggra vate the trend in that direction. The production In the Rand shows no signs of exhaustion, there are no indi cations of material reductions in any of the chief producing countries. Prevention of Pneumonia. February and March are considered pneumonia months, because these are the months that are full of sudden changes of temperature. The Individ ual task In hand Is to toughen oneself against, a temporary chill produced or induced by the changes of the weather. The pneumonia germ seems ever present, looking all the time for con genial soil to work in, and this It finds whenever vitality Is low. In order to keep up bodily vigor it is important in February ami March 1 to guard against the ordinary ‘‘cold, and when ever a ‘‘cold" does appear it should be promptly treated in order to keep off a pneumonia attack. "The most dangerous preliminary colds,” says ihe New York Herald, "are those attended with feverishness, lassitude, headache, achy limbs and the general 'sick feeling’ that mark the attack. To brave such a seizure by an attack to 'w'ork it off is the height of foolhardiness. The prudent man must take to his bed at once and submit to proper medical treatment, nor should he venture out again until all threatening symptoms have disap peared.” This is no doubt good advice, for pneumonia, when once Begun, runs Its course, it cannot be headed off. it kills In this country more persons than typhoid fever, more even than tuber culosis. It is the disease that is to be particularly dreaded in February and March, and the Initiative “cold” should rot in these two months go neglected. Britain's New Battleship, The launching of the Dreadnought puts in the waters of tho world the largest lighting m&shtn* ever Known, an 18,500 ton ship. 8h* is noi only of unprecedented size, but her boilers can supply steam up to 23,000 horse power, and her turbines are expected to develop twenty-one knots on trial and twenty knots under service condi tions. Nor is this all. Her battery consists of ten—instead of four—12 lnch turreted rifled guns, which can throw each minute ten 850 pound pro jectiles against an enemy. Her armor belt, too, is superior to that of any other ship. Altogether it Is estimated that the Dreadnought could alone whip any fleet or navy that was afloat fifty years ago, so fast has warfare on the sea been changed. The Dreadnought is to he equipped with many things that are at present a Becret except in the British navy. Such things cannot long remain secret. But England was Japan’s possible ally In the recent war with Russia, and she had on the Japanese ships officers who watched with a critical eye all lue operations of a modern fleet en gaged during a period of nearly a year and a half in actual warfare, often times under difficult circumstances. Everything of value was noted and re ported, and the findings based on those reports are to be crystallized in the Dreadnought. England is hurrying the new battle ship to completion in order to test the new' devices that sprang from the con flict, between Japan and Russia. She does not want to lay down any more ships of the Dreadnought class until i the tests are made. It is expected, however, that the Dreadnought will he destructive at long range, because her turbines will give her an even keel in nearly all seas, and her superior speed and almost impenetrable arytor will render her formidable afterwards. The chief lesson of the remarkable war in the Far East seems to have been the value of ships that can fire I with accuracy from two to four miles away, and that have superior speed at close quarters, together with armor tnat can even withstand the shock of a torpedo attack. Gadsden’s Lynching. Unlike the Elkmont lynching, in which the officials as well as the mob were practically pardoned by public sentiment, the good people of Gadsden are aroused against the mob that took an Innocent man from the Etowah county jail and lynched him. The murder of Bunk Richardson last Sunday in Gadsden is not condoned by anybody in Gadsden whose opinion is of any value at all. Especially have the newspapers spoken out freely and repeatedly in the plainest terms. The Journal says “there is hut one thing for the community to do and that, is to find these men and, no matter who they he, punish them in a way that will forever stamp out in Etowah county the. spirit of lawlessness which lends itself to the commission of such acts as the taking of human life on a mere pretext. A lynching under any circumstances is a cowardly, unjusti fiable procedure and, in a cUse like this, where merely a shadow of suspi cion rested on the victim, it is brutali ty and degradation itself.” The Times News wa«| equally emphatic, and it especially demands action. “Those are times," it says, “when self righteous pig-headed ness seems to turn even a just contention into a wrong one and if the truth is ever to be known and this city and counly are to be redeemed in the eyes of the world something else besides resoluting and playing to the gallartes must be done. Wc again ask a suspension of Judg ment until the governor and the local authorities can act intelligently. In the meant line a few of the resoluters should mate sure of themselves that they are not found on the side of the lynchers when the real test comes.” On every hand In Gadsden are heard denunciations of the lynching. No one attempts to justify, or even to excuse, the lynchers, and the Times-News says they will be caught. “They were seen,” il says, “by more than the sheriff. When they are caught the real test of public sentiment will come." The Age-Herald has faith that Gads den will do Its full duty In this mat ter; and if it does it will not only re cover its own good name, blit it will do all the rest of the state a lasting and deeply important service. Labor Contract Decision. Ine last legislature passed an act winch provided thal "a person who en ters Into a written contract for the per formance of work or services and ob tains money or other personal property and without just cause and with intent to defraud, and without refunding the money or paying for the property, is as guilty as if he had stolen it, and the contract to perform or carry out such contract or refund the money or pay for the property without just cause, shall he prlma facie evidence of the intent to injure or defraud.” This act turns a breach of contract into a criminal offense, and the su; ;:ispie court of Alabama upholds its coBatii.utlonalily. How fat this de cision will reach remains to he seen. It cannot in confined to the negro job jumper, for It fits all classes of em ployment, and it may even become of use in purchases on the installment plan. When a breach of a civil con tract can be turned into larceny the field of opportunity becomes wide and far-reaching. There is one limitation, however, it would not be wise to disregard, and that is the federal statute directed against peonage. The supreme court of the United States has upheld the peonage statute, and just where the two will conflict remains to be seen, but it is certain that soon or late the Alabama contract statute will get up against the federal peonage law, and then the former will have to back out. The drawing of the line between the two is a matter of the future, ar.d the courts will have to be skillful if they lgake both stand complete. The drydock Dewey has not been heard from in about two weeks, but no one is anxious over its trip, for it may have stopped to repair and refit an ice berg. Only three out of 700 school boys in New York were found able to “chin” a horizontal bar. Here is a chance for the President to wax sarcastic. Col. Tony Hamilton of the House of Mirth has left Paris, and his where abouts promises to become as Indefin ite as John D. Rockefeller’s. Miss Roosevelt's $1200 picture hat is not to be worn until next summer, long after the glamour of a White House wedding has worn off. After Ollle James of Kentucky had taken the trouble to tell Senator Hep burn a funny story, the latter failed to see the point. The press slab banquet will be given o'clock, and that is all anybody wants Wednesday night. It will start at 9 to know. urover Cleveland was not invited, therefore he will not have to spend any of that $12,000 a year for a wedding present. Mr. Hepburn begins to think that even the enacting clause of his rate bill will be stricken out in the Senate. King Edward confesses that he works 12 hours a day, which is four hours more than the union allows. Nick and the Indian givers from Oklahoma did not meet. They could not have scalped him at any rate. The Standard Oil magnates are all at sea, because nf the inquisitiveness of the esteemed Mr. Hadley. Southern pine In a Chicago bank did not work well, but the fault did not lie in the quality of the timber. Count Boni wants his debts paid be fore he will release the countess. He is just a nasty example. tfoung Rockefeller is still handing out moral precepts to an ungrateful and uproarious country. The Countess Anna seems to still cherish some regard for lhat contempt ible little count of hers. Midshipman I. C. Shute married the other day in Connecticut and that is really his name. Castro is astonished to find that France, although dilatory, ts not a bit scared. Mr. Burton of Kansas is still an United States Senator for mileage pur poses. Dowie is afflicted with the samp old trouble—Insurgents. All autocrats have them. No one knows where Rockefeller is, and as a rule no one cares to know. One Russian battleship from the Far East sneaked back to the Baltic. Your While House Invitation Is good today only—don't forget this. Mars has many canals, and possibly a regiment of Cromwells. The backbone of winter lacks rigid ity and assertiveness. This time tomorrow she will be Mrs. Nicholas Longworth. Sp»ker Cannon has given Nick Longworth a day off. Zion City regrets to hear that Dowle's health is improving. -- -.>■ Uncle Sam has about finished with the valentine mail. » More digging is done in the treasury than in the canal. Something doing at the White House today. Ethel will he “Miss Roosevelt” after today. GETTING READY. From the St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Some of the punching bags In the White House will have to be removed to make room for the punch howls, and the dumb bells will have to give way to the oathed ral gongs. HIS PREPARATION. From the New York News. “Bill Nye" once told a story about a man who, nfter eight hours' work on a country dally, was fired for incompetency and then went on a lecture tour of the country on the subject of ''Journalism." “TIME” FOR ALICE. From the New York Press. In place of that one-time popular song. "A Kiss for Each Day in the Week,” Miss I Alice Roosevelt might sing a parody with the refrain, "A Cock for Each Hour of t He Day.” From the way in which time tellers have figured in Tier wedding gifts. It would seem joking friends wish to hint she Is a laggard, who needs constant re minders of the flight of the minutes. She lias received ten jeweled watches and about four dozen clocks. The latter gifts represent almost every variety of time piece. from a pretty little carved wood affair of Swiss make to a French clock of gold, surrounded by diamonds. the gift of the French ambassador and Mme. Jusseraml. Miss Roosevelt will enjoy tlip pleasure of being able to change her watch to suit almost every toilet. There is a watch of green enamel, with emer aids as a centerpiece, a watch of blue, with sapphires and diamonds, and one dainty little affair of turquoise and pearls. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. From the New York Press. — The only way most of us can get rich is to inherit it. For some people there is comfort in not letting others have any. It makes a man awful proud to feel he has no pride the way other people have. No matter howr many times you lose your temper, you always find it again for the next occasion. A man who stays unmarried ,1s a good deal smarter than he will ever "know unless he gets married. IN HOTEL LOBBIhS | Politics Quieter. “The political campaign is becoming listless/’ said a politician yesterday. “No one seems to cars a copper about it. The only hope of lifting it into public in terest seertis to be in the local contests, and they are not ripe yet. “There is room, however, for a few straw votes on the senatorial succession race, and if they are not forthcoming soon rewards should be offered for them. Wherever a dozen men are found to gether In Georgia a straw vote is taken, and sent to aji Atlanta newspaper. “A straw vote on the senatorial suc cession race, signed by the man who took it, would be the first indication of the coming vote. Straw votes are not very convincing, but they are much better than general apathy, which may be said to be thev present political condition of this state.” No Fear of Fever. “There is no fear entertained by any in telligent person that there will be another visitation of yellow fever next summer or for some years,” said Dr. Joseph Grim, of San Francisco, at the Hillman last night. “The visit to the several ports in j the Central American countries that is now being made by a large party of physicians, health officers and expert san itarians, is going to result in great good, particularly In showing clearly to the men in charge exactly the conditions which exist in those places whence the fever is generally brought into the Unit ed States. “If last year's visitation did nothing i else beneficial, it certainly caused the | marine hospital service to take a more active part in the fight which is contin ually being waged by the gulf ports against the dread disease of the tropics. The federal health experts demonstrated that t'he mosquito theory was really cor rect and not merely an idea. They stamp ed out the fever in New Orleans long before the frost came, and therein they won several victories, not the least im portant being t'he respect that was paid them and their work by the persons who had previously scoffed at t'hem. With the marine hospital service earnestly In j the fight, the battle is half won." Protecting Carnival Crowds. "The public generally does not know it, but it Is a fact that a hundred or more detectives from all the larger cities of the country are summoned to New Orleans ench year to assist in protecting the car nival crowds from t>he pickpockets and other crooks who congregate there at that season,” said an old thlef-cateher last night. “A score or more Pinkerton men are right on the spot, in addition to the small squad kept at work there by the race tjaek people during the entire winter. Detectives from New York, Chi cago, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Buffalo, Washington and other cities, are the guests of the New Orleans police de partment. and do no work other than to arrest or point out ,to New Orleans po licemen persons known to be crooks. Each year many well known pickpockets are arrested In New Orleans In this way, and while In several of the instances tile prisoners are held merely as sus picious characters, they are kept in jail until after tlhe Mardl Gras festivities are over, and In this way they are prevented from working at their trades." Amusements Pay. "Almost any attraction with merit can penally secure a large enough attendance In Birmingham to more than pay." said a man who is Interested In several amuse ments in the city. "When the skating rink, for instance, was first mentioned a number of people said that it would not be patronized, but the patronage is better than was expected. "Some people say that the third theatre, which is being erected, will hardly pay expenses, hut If the attractions furnished are «s good as the attractions at the other theatres, the people will attend. I remember when few ever thought that 'the Bijou -would pay, hut it is paying handsomely. •Birmingham Is certainly an amusement loving city and whenever 1 hear of some new line of amusement that Is coming to the city, 1 know that it will be prolita ble If It has merit." Small Industries. "Within the past f' W months a greater number of small industries have been lo cated in the Birmingham district than within any former period of five years," said a prominent business man. "And yet there is room for hundreds more of such Industries. Birmingham is not only the best city in the south from the view point of raw material hut it is a central distributing point. The output of nearly every small manufacturing plant here can be sold within a hundred miles of home." About Persons. Harry ltansdall of New York is regis tered at the Hillman. Mr. and Mrs. J. C. Cooper jjf^tfhlcago are at the Hillman. j a a Harvey Ainsley of Pensacola, Fla., Is at tlie Birmingham. • • a C. B. Scott of Memphis is at the Bir mingham. • • • David Anderson of Selma is at the Mor ris. a * • Mr. and Mrs. L. Bertram Clarke of Anniston are at the Morris. * • • Arthur Schooler of New Orleans is at the Metropolitan. • * • A. I. Jones of Talladega, is at the Met- i ropolltaji. • • * Samuel Gilmore, Jr., of Baltimore, is at ; the St. Nicholas. * • * Walter Saxon of Montgomery is at the St. Nicholas. * • • J. B. Goodson of Mobile is at the St. Nicholas. • 4 * F. F. Stone of Annlsim is at the Mor ris. Branding Baby for Identification. From the Family Doctor. I^et a mother study the appearance of her child's body well and decide for her self whether there be about it any inef faceable mark by which she could iden tify him anywhere and at any time. If there Is nothing that time may not ef face. then let her have 'him marked In such a way that she would know him. It Is only a question of a few drops of Indian ink, an operation no more pain ful than vaccination. STATE POLITICS Columbiana Sentinel: The Sentinel hopes the next legislature will abolish the Infamous fee system which obtains in all tho county offices in Alabama. It is a vicious law, the least that can be said of it. Tuscumbla North Alabamian: Should Governor Johnston enter the race for "al ternate” senator it will leave .only one place for the other candidates, for it is a foregone conclusion that Johnston will win. Selma Times: It is now in order for Governor Johnston to launch his candi dacy for the succession. All the other candidates have announced and we see no reason why he should delay any longer, as his visit to Selma set the tide strongly in his favor. Ashville Aegis: The grand old men in the United States Senate who represent Alabama are well able to perform the duties incumbent upon them in their position; and we arc gratified to observe that the desire for them to. remain in the Senate is almost unanimous. Ensley Enterprise: In reviewing the pages of history, we find that at least one man during every century has won dis tinction among his fellow' men—that Is. pre-eminent distinction, as for instance, Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon. Washing ton, Lee. While it is far from our pur pose and intention to say anything derog atory to our present senators, who have for many years so ably represented the state of Alabama, yet our prognostica tions are that there is now looming upon the political horizon a man the resplen dency of whose star will eclipse all who have preceded him. It is almost unneces sary to mention to our readers that we refer to the Honorable John B. Knox of Anniston, who is a declared candidate for United States Senator as successor to tho first vacancy that occurs in the Senate from this state. ALABAMA PRESS ___ Anniston Hot Blast: If communication between the cotton bureau and Wall street •were cut there would be no further com plaint of doctored reports. Prattville Progress: The sale of roller skates has assumed enormous proportions throughout the country and in proportion to the number of inhabitants, Montgom ery is among the first in the market for this product. Mobile Register: A quicker death than in the ordinary cocktail of commerce was found in the “pink elephant cocktail” In vented by a military prisoner on Gover nor's Island. His ingredients were wood alcohol, bay rum, wltchazel, lemon juice and water. This decoction killed the in ventor and wounded five of his compan ions. Pine Belt News: The Age-Herald misquotes the News by substituting -Pettus for Platt in the following editorial that appeared In this paper last week: “Sen ator Platt says Senator Depew is all right. Somebody please rise and say some thing to the same effect about Senator Platt." It does an injustice to Alabama's distinguished Senator. Centreville Press: The election of Comer Is certain. But the election of Mr. Comer without a legislature in sympathy with him will be an empty honor, which he does not want. When he becomes gover nor he wants to put some reforms in mo tion. and with a legislature adverse to him it will be impossible. Elect men to the legislature who are willing to state their position and are honest enough to carry it out. JEALOUS MOOR Imprisoned His Three Wives In a Steel Cage and Startled Paris. Paris Correspondence London Telegraph. When a few months ago a trader from Morocco, named Mohammed Ben some thing or other, came from his native land to Paris on business, he resolved on com bining pleasure with It, so brought with | him a trio of graces to while away his leisure moments, ahd a female servant to look after them and the housekeeping ar rangements. He took a flat ip the Latin Quarter, and the arrival of the party created quite a sensation in the neigh borhood, as the htttural charms of the ladles, who arc all supremely lovely, were | enhanced by the picturesque costumes of their own country. Dwellers in the street, I especially members of the sterner, but not always less frail, sex devoted a good deal of time to watching for the goings out and comings in of the beauties from Morocco, but alas! their fond hopes were doomed to cruel disappointment for a while, as only Mohammed and Fatma. the servant, ever effected a sortie. One fine day. however, excitement reigned in the neighborhood. The merchant from Fez hud. a few days before, left Paris for a tour in the provinces, and lo and behold, his fair friends were emerging from their dwelling, and, escorted by the maid, were attired in fashionable and up to-date costumes, enjoying a walk every day until the Moor was on the point of returning. In the meanwhile great had been the havoc wrought In susceptible male bosoms as the belles from the land of the setting sun, with their flashing eyes, raven tresses, and pearly-white teeth, had strolled along, gazing into the shop win dows and exchanging laughing remarks with each other. Mohammed, as was well nigh inevitable, heard of these delectable excursions, and. after having adminis tered sound correction to the three graces and also to the servant, with whose as sistance they had procured the fashion able costumes, he had a big cage fitted up in a room, and whenever he weqt out he locked the four women up in it. The pretty birds w’oulil not fly out again In a hurry, he said to himself, and so great was his vigilance that there could be no question of any fresh attempt in that direction. He, at any rate, <ras no ad mirer of the policy of the open door. The harem might have gone on without any embarrassment until the termination of the business visit to France, if the Moor had not allowed the green-eyed monster jealousy to trouble his brain. Yesterday awful screVms resounded from the flat, and neighbors, dashing in to the rescue, beheld an extraordinary spectacle. The foul women W’ere huddled together in a corner of the cage in abject terror, while Mohammed brandished a huge scimitar, with dire threats of doing for them. He had gone stark, raving mud, but he was promptly overpowered and committed to the custody of the police, who conveyed him to the infirmary at the prefecture. When they were asked. In sheer bewil derment. why they had submitted to such treatment and had allowed themselves to be caged in a free country, the four wom enanswered in chorus: “It was at the master’s bidding.’ ” Resignation could no further go. but so it was. Fate and the master had wdlled it, and to hear was to obey. Now the fair captives may have a good time. COMMENTS ON MEN AND MATTERS OF THE TIMES /SN FTER fourteen years’ labor * by \Py\ forty noted American scholars " ■ and the expenditure of $400,000, ft seenia that Lippincott's Dictionary of the English language is to be abandoned, for lack of funds to complete the work. The dictionary was to have been monumental in seope and one of the greatest compila tions ever made. It was supposed that the book would cost Si’oO.OOO but it has already cost nearly twice that much and the sheets have been finished only as far as “dog.” There is a grim significance in this, if the book is to be permanently abandoned. Students of the future may or may not seek information in Lippin cott's Dictionary. It appears just now that they will not. COURAGE! Keep your faith In human nature, Store the sunshine In your heart. Hate will spoil the sweetest temper Once you let it get a start. Hold the pure, the good and true things; Separate them from the bad. Life is still well worth the living, Every man is not a cad. Seek for beauty—you will find It Hidden In some lowly breast. Pick the best the world affords you, Share your blessings with the rest. Try to live so you'll be happy. Keep up courage to the last; Battle till the shades are falling, Face the future, not the past. “Old Major Bangs was very low' one time," said Col. Biff yesterday, “and it was feared that he would die. He still kept up’ his courage, however, and In sisted on seeing every visitor who called at the house. An Insurance chap who didn’t know that the Major was about to die, came one afternoon to sell him some fire Insurance. When the Major heard of it he began to laugh and the more he laughed the better he got, until he pulled out of the crisis. When he does die he expects to go to the other place.” Macedonia, Arab. Boaz and Solitude are towns in Alabama. DISTANCE. Distance is a great convenience, Lends enchantment to the view, But you’ll find that it’s most useful On the first when bills are due. A beauty expert proposes to compel women to be beautiful—as If a woman had to be told to look her best. Why are the powder people and the complex ion magnates so rich? A Texas paper says that Lew Doek stader is the author of “Everybody Works But Father." Such is fame today! Mr. Dockstader Is not the author of the song. He merely sings it to admiring thousands. THE PURIST. When some chap roars about a word That never troubles you, What does it mean? The answer is: He hasn’t much to do. Senorita Huidobro of Chile pleads for “The beautiful right of the ballot.” Dear Senorita, have you ever seen the “beauti ful right of the ballot" exercised in a tough wafd? Have you ever seeu 44, cheap sport, with a reeking cigar in tlL vorner of his mouth, a battered derb* ‘Milled down over one eye and a knowing leer on his face use the “beautiful right of the ballot” because “de boss says dat dis is de ticket, see? An’ dat’s my ticket, for fair?” Dear Senorita from Southern climes, we wot not. “Hell is an improvement on the United States.”—Bishop Turner. Would advise him to go there. A man in Missouri has forsaken the coal business for life insurance. The lat ter, you know, is not effected by an "open” winter. ______ % WITH MUSHROOMS. While tender hearts do suffer much And sometimes, too, they break, We cannot breathe a single word Against a tender steak. John D. Rockefeller received seven doughnuts as a valentine. He can eat the holes. (We dodge.) ALICE. Why does she Feel so gay? This is' her Wedding day. Birmingham friends of Edward Morgan, the actor, will be grieved to learn that he is said to be in a sanitarium, pre sumably suffering from mental derange ment. Mr. Morgan was last seen here in "The Christian.” An Ohio man left home because his wife insisted on sleeping with a hatchet in her hand, and he feared that she might chop him in the night. His excuse is 9 good one. BEST MONUMENT. Just, do while here The best you can. For epitaph, "An honest man.” The Ponca Indians presented Nicholas Longworth with a buffalo skin vest. The winter Is notably temperate, too. Thomas W. Lawson Is in “Who’s Who,’* but he makes so much fuss that it really didn't matter whether he got In or not. Dr. Ira Kemsen says that we are a na tion of spendthrifts. If the American peo ple had as many faults as they are charged with this country wrould be either a rotten empire or a wilderness. THE BJGOTIST. Everywhere you go you see some Chap who thinks that he Is “IT,” But the minds of folks who see him Echo one word. “It is “NIT.” Senator Clark is said to be proficient with the painter’s brush, but it is plainly impossible for a man of his methods to have the soul of an artist. Madame Sarah scolded an audience In a Youngstown, Ohio, theatre, but she did It in French and the Youngstown French colony Is not large, so everybody applaud ed under the impression that she was doing some fine acting. Dreamers are looking forward to the time when my lady will do her shopping In a baloon. When that happy day ar rives the woman with her bundles will dis appear from trolley cars and men will have a show. _ Leslie M. Shaw has been called a grafter but that doesn’t make him conspicuous in the least. PAUL COOK. CASH FOR THE SHUDDER MOTIVE IS DEMANDED From the New York Sun. 0NE of the choicest delights'of the veteran theatregoer is the musical accompaniment to the action. When the villajp, with, a full dress suit” and a cigarette, stalK* across the stage with Tarquln’s raviai^ng strides— why are villains always lu * steppers?— when the murder Is about to be commu te* ; wheif the heroine, with laced petti coats aii<r diHinoni rings and without a wrap to her back, leaves me mortgaged house and walks off amid the cruel, cold, property snowflakes;..wjiLD *he k«iU» a frock coat, is about feu .o the circular saw or strapped to the railroad track; when the secret, black and mid night assassin comes on to smell care fully at all the doors, fiasning his dark lantern, and cry 8h! and deliver a long soliloquy; when, twenty years after. Love ly Female Innocence, not a day older than In the first act, returns to, her dark ened home and hisses at the Bad Man. "Ralph Haverstraw, you are the forger!” or "Sir, these are not fit words to ad dress to a poor sewing machine girl"—in Paris clothes—"I pri-th^e, let me pass!"— In such and a thousand other passages of crime and woe "weepy-weepy" music plays softly. “I did love you once. Regi nald. but you left me by the river.” Then, soft and low and quivering and passion nip and tense and Intense, the weep-weep tremolo is touched for all It Is worth. Tears and lace handkerchiefs gush forth. Fat men sob In the darkness. Music and night and somethin' doin'; slight sensation as of gooseflesh on the back; lumps in l he throat. Good old convention. Much better than realism. No good assassin would hire musicians to play when the critical moment comes. When one meets one’s old love under the greenwood tree and a butteflsh moon, one often forgets to bring music along. This old musical convention Is lovely and beloved. Neurasthenic Chicago finds that this plaintive “butting in" of the food of love is wearing on the nerves. The Musicians’ union of that town Insists that this musical shuddering and shivering shall be paid for at higher wages. If the man agers say no, then the villain must stalk to "ragtime." Ragtime won't do. In fact. It Is over done. No good villain has ragtime legs His legs are stealthy, slow, long drawn out. His walk is a dirge. Gad, the bass commercialism of this age will he taking out the villain's low chuckle his dry Hell I and Ills hiss, the next thing you know. The Musicians' union of Chicago Is right. Every strain upon its trembling string! Is worth paying for. Think of a villain dying to fast music! TALE OF TROUSERS. Governor Magoon Got His and Saw the Show. Washington Special to the New York World.. ^ Governor Magoon of Panama and Sena tor Aldrich of Rhode Island occupy ad joining apartments at the ArllngtonNho tel. They employ the same valet. liast night Governor Magoon took solne ladies to the theatre. one of the ladies stepped from the carriage she dropped her fan. Governor Magoon stooped to pick it up. There was a horrible tearing sound. The governor knew’ what had happened. He excused himself to the la dies, saying it was Imperative that he should return to his hotel for a few moments. He gave the ladies the tickets and promised to return in a short time. Then he hurried to the hotel. He went to his room and found Senator Aldrich sitting there, mutely gazing at a pair of trousers that lapped around him. “By George. Magoon,said the Senator, “I am glad to see you. Do you know, that stupid valet has mixed up our dies* trousers? You have on mine and I can not wear yours. They are too large for me. 1 trust you have come back to change, for I am late for my dinner engagement as it stands.” “Indeed I have come back to change," said Magoon. “Gimme those trousers. T^fey are mine. As for these I have on. you are quite welcome to them.” Senator Aldrich shucked off Magoon's trousers, but when he came to put on his own which Magoon had been wearing, there was a succession of loud cries. He stayed in the hotel that night, but Ma goon hustled back to the theatre in his owh grousers and said he had a fine time. “NOT WITH THEM FELLERS.” From the Kansas City Star. Here is a poker story that will also be read with interest and possible edifleatipn at this stage of the secret negotiations between the Mayor and the city ooun sclor and certain officials of the Metro politan Street Railway corporation regard ing the franchise extension sought by the company: The “old man” came home well beyond 1 midnight, with his lou^ white beard plon ; tifully "soiled with tobacco juice. In an swer to the query of his wife as to what it. meant, he explained that he had been “sitting in“ a game. “But couldn’t you turn your head to | spit?” asked his tolerant spouse. “Not with them fellers,” responded th« 1 old man. ANIMATED POEM. ' From the Chicago News. “I don't see the editor,” said the caller In the editorial rooms. “No,” grinned the copy boy. “He took a poem yesterday and hasn't showed up since.” “That’s strange. Was it a long poem?** “Oh, about 5 feet 4. Maybe you’ve seen her writing the woman's column at the thiid desk. They’ve gone on their honey I moon, I guess.” RENCONTRE. By ThoniAS Bailey Aldrich. Toiling across the Mer de Glace, 1 thought of. longed for thee; What miles between us stretched, al&al i What miles of land and sea! My foe. undreamed of, at my side, Stood suddenly like Fate; i For those who love, the world is widtt But not for those who hate.