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WHERE THEY DIFFER.
•‘Clothes don’t make the man.” “True, and that's where man and worn n differ.” G&>R.&e __ LEFT IT TO HER. Teacher—Johnny, how often do yon want me to speak to you? . Johnny—I’ll leave It all to you teacher. You know what Is beat. NO ROOM TO KICK. Jlra—I suppose you kick n good deal about the way your flat is heated. Jack—How can a fellow kick much, when every time he tries It he stubs hla toe? MAMMA DIDN’T HEAR HIM. Willie—Say, pop, s’pose aome bandits caught ma; would you pay a ransom to get her bark? Father- After they had her for a week they would pay me to take her back. Either Way. There was a solemn looking man along side of the man with the newspaper on the street car, and after a few minutes he observed, as If to himself: "When I think of 10 or 15 of those Panama Canal laborers dying every day I have to call myself a fool. "for wby?" naked the other. "Because I'm In the undertaker busi ness, and you can see what profits 1 conld make out of the coffins and funerals I’ra In the undertaking bUBlneRB." Lord, but I'd be a rich mnn In a year!" *‘I have beeu down there, and nui happy to Inform you that the death rate la ouly three per day, and that coffin, grave and funeral costs only about $5 apiece. It Is all done by contract, and three uudor ^takers have already Iwon financially Prulned. Perhaps you ore not ns much of a fool as yon thought for.” "Hut I am," solemnly replied the other after tuklng a moment to thluk over It. "How now?” "I’m o fool for wanting to make a fool of myself!" .K)i: KKUIt AFTER HIS BUTTON. “And so the professor has at last discovered the missing link. Where did he And It?” “Under the bureau I understand.” - W) \ The waiter wboi yaors •- /W >o Cormnaj^d In the many eaixn6 t plaj^eJT k In fills' that a-lip in Al the hand x A Is* worth twotipr* M °n the rcurer* £/Geon§e Iboker HE HAD SO FEW. E***t*-I was hit on the head with a brick yesterday and I became oncon Atons. bnt I soon regained my aenaes! Miss Cutting—Yes, I imagine it wouldn't take long to collect theml / A Bigger Man. “President Roosevelt Is a pretty big man, isn’t he?" queried the fellow with his legs stretched across the aisle of the street car, of the old gentleman who was trying to look as harmless and humble •'s he could. “Yes. sir, n pretty big man,” was the reply. “Almost as big as a king?” “Yes, sir, almost.” “Has to have a body guard wherever he goes?” “So I have read.” “How many men do you t’link there are The fellow with his legs stretched across the nlsle of the street car. in the United States who want to kill the President?” "Three or four, perhaps.” \ “And how many men do. you think there are who want me blotted off the face of the earth?” "Dear me, but I can't sa.v.” answered the o!d gentleman ns he rubbed hla hands together. “Over 20, sir, and rao/e coming every day!" exclaimed the other In a tone of pride, "and don’t that prove, sir—don't that prove that I am a bigger man than the President?” “Lord! Lord!” gasped the old gentle man as he rose up to get off the car, "but what a winter this has been for philos ophy!” JOE KERR. The Power of the Press We had the editor of a weekly paper with us on part of the Journey acrofs North Dakota by team, and at one vil lage hotel the landlord found out what an honored gutst he had and refused to charge him any bill. The editor returned his thanks and we were about ready to leave when the landlord beckoued him aside and said: “Stranger, being an editor, you can do anything. I don't like running a hotel and I wish you'd fix It up for me to go to the legislature.” ••Yes?” was the reply. “And my son Bill wants to be elected sheriff of this county.” “I see.” “Stranger, being editor of n pa per, yon can do auythinig." “And ray son Tom wants to be a school teacher.’* s “Yes?” “And I’ve got a brother-in-law who wants an easy Job In Washington. It’s got to be an easy Job, as he has a lame back.” “Anything more?" asked the editor. “I’ve got a cons In Joe who’d like to go down to Ponaran, and a nephew who wants to get Into a bank, and If you don't mind being put to a little trouble and would say that I am a widower and wanted to marry agalu. I’d take It as a great favor.’’ “Sure that’s all, are you?” “All, except that If I don’t get Into the legislature, you might help me to run for governor, and If I get the place I’ll be hanged if I don’t subscribe to three copies of your paper and pay cash In advance!" JOE KERR. THEN THEY SANG A SONG. Soubrette—At what age should a clergymau marry? The Comedian—At the parsonage, ot course. THE TRAMP AND THE AUTO. "Me and me pard was walking along a I.ong island highway.” snhl the tramp, "when we oomes to a place where a small bridge ojter a ravine had been smashed down. We looks at the place for awhile, and then I says to .Tim: “ Mlmmle, old boy, do we owe the auto anything?’ " 'It’s always throwing ua over thefence and saving our climbing,' says he. " ‘Then we ought to stand here and give the first one warning, for that’s a bad hole for one of them to fall Into. There comes one now at the rate of 40 miles au hour.' "I ran down the road a hit nnd stood there ami waved my old bandana as a warning, hut the driver held straight for me and yelled that he'd run me down If 1 didn’t take a skate. 1 took one, and the next minute I heard a smash. " ‘Jimmie, old boy,‘ 1 says as I walks back to the broken bridge, ‘Is the uuto down there?' “ ‘She Is, Tom.’ “ ‘Any damage?’ “ ‘Busted all to pieces and three people killed.' “ ‘Then we’ll wander along with clean consciences We thought that perhaps we owed the auto oue for being so kind and condescending to ua. hut it seems that we was mistook and ought to have “Waved my old bandunn aa a warning;.” I been a mile further down the road and nsklng some farmer’s wife for cold Tit tles.’ ’’ JOB KERR. - r,,jg,.. , ■■ ■ »• IN THE BACK. 8be—Susie Is very proud of her foot. He—Most run In the family. Rhe—Why? He—Her father has discouraged about 15 fellows who aspired to her hand. } 8WEAKI NO MAD. Clara—My husband gives me five cents every time he swears. Jennie—I suppose you keep him mad all the time. TAKING CHANCES. There were two p^ltlclnns occupying the same seat In the smoking car and tulklug together, and In the seat ahead was a farmer. Presently ouo of the men stld: “Don’t you think that China Is the slow and old-fashioned country the newspapers apeak of. She Is having her armies of ficered by the best military talent In the world, and she Is arming with the latest muskets and artillery. I tell you, she will be heard from within another decade.” “Do you think she will bring ou an other war?” was asked. “I have no doubt of It. Yes, sir, I ex pect to see u war between China and Rus sia within another decade.” “So you think another war Is bound to come, do yon?” asked the farmer, as he turned nround. ”1 haven't the slightest doubt of It, my man.” "And will If nffect us?” "It Is certain to, more or less.” The man of toll tnrned back and thought things over for a few minutes and then wheeled to say: "Well. I think I'll take my chances. I am In the pickle business. Pickles ought to be worth $8 n tmr’l, but they are sell ing for rents less. I guess I'll bang on, war or no war, 'till they corns up to my Agger. Dorn a man who hasn't got some sporting blood In his veins.” JOB KREIi. NOT HIS FIRST TROUDLE OF THE KIND. Ethel—I fear that I hare broken Fred'e heart. Edith—I gueea you hare done nothing more than extend the etack."