THE AGE-HERALD •t. W. SARRRTT. Editor Entered at the Birmingham, Ala., post office as second-class matter under act of Congress March 3, 1879. Dally and Sunday Age-Herald.$8.HO Daily and Sunday, per month.TD Sunday Age-Herald, per annum.2.00 Weekly Age-Hernld. per annum.1.00 Subscription payable In advance. L. H. Russ. C. G. Witt and J. F. Keeley are the only authorized traveling repre sentatives of The Age-Herald in its cir culation department. No communication will he published without its author’s name. Rejected man uscripts will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose. Remittances ran be made at current ••ate of exebangp. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address THE AGE-HERALD. Birmingham, Ala. Eastern business office, rooms 48 to 50, Inclusive, Tribune building. New York City; western business office, Tribune building. Chicago. The R. C. Beckwith Special Agency, agents foreign advertis ing. Washington Bureau Age-Herald 1421 G street. N. W. For, boy, however we do praise our , selves, Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm, More longing, wavering, sooner lost and won, Than women’s are. —Twelfth Night. Meridian’s Misfortune. The whirling windstorm, or tornado, Is a feature of our broad country, and no one knows when or where one of them will scour the face of the earth, dealing death and destruction as it goes. As a rule storms of that nature stay In midair, but now and then they lilt the solid earth, and then sudden and deep trouble is sure to come. The people of prosperous Meridian have felt a visitation not unlike that which blew through St. Louis not many years ago. Louisville had a like visitation, and even Birmingham, up among the north Alabama hills, has mot been wholly exempt. There seems to he no way to ward off the death-dealing circling winds, but the stronger houses are con structed the less readily are they thrown down by tornadoes. The frail buildings in which negroes generally find shelter are deathtraps when such storms strike them. Better buildings ere needed, hul no building Is perhaps tornado-proof. Life Is, however, more secure in a strong building. The sympathy of two states at least Is freely extended to the sufferers from the tornado in Meridian, and if need be that sympathy will take sub stantial form. Whenever Meridian says outside help will be accepted, plenty of it will be forthcoming. Race Frictien in the Nnr!|i. The New York Commercial says "there must be something peculiarly lawless in the make-up of Springfield, Ohio.” That city is, however, no more peculiar than New York has been on several occasions under like circum stances, or Chicago, or Indianapolis, 'i ue spreading of the negro race over the country creates friction, and the „ outbreaks “between I he hoodlum whites and toe depraved blacks" at Springfield, O.. is hut an example of what will occur elsewhere as the black population is evenly distributed in all the cities of the country. Springfield is In Clark county, and that county has just about 60,000 pop ulation, twelve per cent of whom are negroes. In Springfield are about 40, 00(1 people, and about 6000 of them are negroes. The county contains In other words Just about its proportion of the negro population of the country. When ever a northern city holds its ultimate proportion of negroes, there race fric tion will arise. 14, is inevitable, and the New York Commercial Is there fore mistaken in saying there is some thing peculiarly lawless in the make up of Springfield. The only peculiarity in the case is the early arrival of Springfield's quota. Other northern cities will after a while receive their respective quotas, and then the troubles of Springfield will be duplicated. They will become widespread, and .in the long run no state will he exempt—no city at any rate. Premature flctien Unwise. The Richmond Evening Journal and the New Orleans Daily States ask southern politicians to get together in spirit and to meet soon in body at some central city in the south to form ’ ulate plans to secure the nominataion of a southern man for the presidency at the next national democratic con vention. Stripped of all disguises this means that tne democrats cannot win in 1908. It is much too early to make anj such confession. The country is full of un rest. Change and independency are in the air. In the apparent prosperity the wage earner in some cases is op pressed. He draws large pay, but his money has less buying pow-er. He is discontented, and no one knows what he will do in 1908. No one knows what Congress will omit to do. No one in 1906 can, in short, see what the situa tion in 1908 will be. The proposed meeting should at any I \ rate be postponed to March, 1908, when there will be time enough to formulate all the plans that may appear to be needed. No one knows in 1906 what will be best in 1908, and if all that is left of the democratic party is in the south, as the Daily States says, the south can have its way even if it does not, formulate a plan until March. 190S. The Evening Journal docs in fact say it is only necessary for the south to unite and make a demand in order to get it.__ ' Blue and* the Gray. The first national meeting of the "Blue and the Gray” took place in St. bonis in 1904. Its plans and purposes were there explained, and public senti ment endorsed the movement. It seeks to bring together the veterans of both sides in the civil war, and doubtless, too, their sons and daughters.^ The second reunion was held in Washington, but on March 27 of this year the men In blue will meet the men in gray on the latter’s ground in Atlanta. The movement has national bearings, and the belief is that, it will prove a deep impulse to a perfected union of the states. The special feature of the Atlanta reunion will consist in honors to the memory of Gen. Joe Wheeler, who stood especially for the Blue and the Gray. The Wheeler memorial has been carefully planned, and the hope is en tertained that President Roosevelt will be able to be present, Gen. Stephen D. Lee, commanding the United Confed erate Veterans, will be there, so will Corporal Tanner, commander of the Grand Army of the Republic. The At lanta reunion promises to be the most Interesting and significant one of the new movement. Return *f the Players. The preliminary or training games of the baseball season of 1906 will be begun this week, and the Interest in the favorite outdoor pastime shows no signs of diminution. Baseball Is em phatically the national gujne, even to a greater extent than cgjcket is in England, or polo in France, or tennis elsewhere. It is a better spectacle than any of the other outdoor sports, and in that way more people can enjoy It and to some extent share In It. They do at any rate express their opinions as the games go along, and they do not whisper those opinions as a rule. Perhaps the best feature of the ap proaching season in the south is the promise of well-balanced teams. It is not believed that any team will have a walkover in any league in the south. This promises better sport, and if the outlook at. the beginning is fulfilled it will lead to in creased interest. Ihroughout the season. When a team walks away from all the rest In a league all are thereby In jured. This was the case last year In the National league, as well as In the Southern league. It may be repeated, hut expert observers say a snugger race for the pennant of 1906 may rea sonably be expected in all the leagues in the country. A preacher declared that the domestic life of this nation Is menaced by bach elors. It Is surprising how comfortable we get along these, days In Bptte of the perils and menaces which confront us on every side. For the Hist time In twenty-two months Uncle Sam Is receiving more money in twelve months than he pays out. and ho may have a modest surplus at the end of the fiscal year. While Missouri is trying to make H. H. Rogers testify Senator Morgan Is endeav oring to unravel the story of Fttiiama now in the exclusive keeping of William Nel son Cromwell. when H. H. Rogers Is nvjt testifying he Is studying the role of Cromwell. He Is thinking and when he Is thinking he should remember Cardinal Wolsay and hta wind-up. Knabenshue has a device which he claims will revolutionise aeronautics. If he can perfect a device that will stay In the air he will have done enough. Cromwell considers himself greater than the government, chiefly because some of the trust senators are trying to help him out of a predicament. Attorney Cromwell boasts that he has more money than he needs. He certainly has more Panama secrets than he is will ing to unfold. At last we know how Engineer Wallace will earn that salary of $50,000 a year. He will build electric roads for George Westinghouse. General Grosvenor will not notice the change from Congress to private life, for he is to become the attorney of a natural gas company. It is not so much the negro problem as the mob problem that Springfield, tlie home of J. Warren Keifer, has on its hands. When New York is under the surface honey-combed with subways the subpoena servers' tasks will be beyond their pow ers. The manager of the Waldorf-Astoria has a million dollars In his wallet, and he Is going out of the hotel business. Bernhardt’s “Camille’’ certainly shows that tuberculosis Is not by any moans a foe of long and pleasant living. The Panama canal has driven the mos quito from the canai zone, and New Jer sey may yet have to dig one. The glamour Is wearing off Standard Oil Aldrich, and he bids fair to stand before the country for what he is. Witte promises to stay in office until the douma meets, when Russia will go on the constitutional basis. The Kaiser’s moustache is still assertive and warlike, and this means that Alge clras will be a failure. Edna Wallace Opper has discovered a passionate musician who is advertising her art immensely. Archbishop Farley says it is absurd to kill people at the age of slxtjl. Of course, add. cruel, too. Frances Jospeh is beset by troubles, and he must begin to wish emperors had a retiring age. John A. McCall leaves an estate of "over $20,000." The figures preach an elo quent sermon. Col. Mann offers $1C00 to charity if any one will prove that he has been black mailed. As the robins fly north the baseball players fiit southward. The simile ends there. The McCurdys went b^t they bccupled the imperial suite on the Amerika. Mlchalek of Illinois will keep his seat In Congress In spite of his name. Cromwell’s memory is as bad ns that of an Insurance official under fire. Rogers. Rockefeller and Cromwell are our suppressers of official truth. France is trying to establish at Algeclras her African Monroe Doctrine. General Grosvenor is kept busy resent ing his official obituaries. Mrs. Yerkes’ husbands and millions are uncertain quantities. "The Clansman" in Springfield, Ohio! GEN. C. M. SHELLEY. From the Washington Post. Gen. Charles M. Shelley of Birmingham. Ala., who has many friends in Washing ton, is at the New Willard, lie was for four terms a member of Congress, and j served as auditor of the treasury for the interior department under Mr. Cleveland. In conversation with a Post reporter Gen eral Shelley said: "One of the greatest of proposed polit ical reforms is that advocated so ably by Hon. Perry Belmont, providing for pub licity in compaign contributions and ex penditures. I was a member of the House when Mr. Belmont was chairman of the foreign affairs committee and I am pleased to notice such a man devoting his ener gies and talents to such a good cause, i have no hesitation In Indorsing any plan which will make public the sources of contributions and tiie mode of expend ing money for elections. I believe It is time for Congress to act, and from what I have heard In recent Journeying* throughout the south and west I believe, the great mass of citizens are In favor of ihe enactment of the pending publicity bill into law." JOHN T. MORGAN. From til's Knoxville Sentinel. Another grand old southern statesman at Washington is John T. Morgan of Alabama, who in spite of his eighty-two years, is one of the giants of the Senate in intellect and debate. Ho is hading In the examination of William Nelson Crom well, he of the many canal Jobs, and in spite of the shrewdness and reticence of the witness, has brought out many interesting facts. Ira E. Bennett, in the Washington Post, contrasts the two: Mr. Cromwell is fifty-two years old, with his natural gifts trained to their highest pitch. Mr. Morgan is 82 years old. suffering from rheumatism and tremulous with ingrmity. Both are lawyers of wide experience, one accustomed to handling great financial and diplomatic matters, the other long renowned as a lawmaker. The corporation lawyer Is rich. The statesman is poor. The younger man is the incarnation of the modern system of high finance. The older man Is the In* carnation of old-fashioned ideals of plain living and high thinking. Mr. Cromwell Is cunning; Mr. Morgan is subtle. One is quick, resourceful, and imaginative; the other Is equipped with an amazing memory, a trained Intellect, and perseverance that knows no turning. The younger man at the beginning of the struggle looked upon his interroga tor with commiseration for his great ago, but before lie had been under fire long lie gave evidence of great embarrassment in trying to dodge the old man's relent less thrusts. He had found his match in fence. The south is ably represented In the Senate. The men who have been tried and not found wanting should be con tinued in office. London Stock Exchange. London, March 3.—Operators oh the Stock Exchange experienced a somewhat distressing week, being engaged in dis posing of the wreckage from the settle ment while further declines in kaffirs revived fears of difficulties during the forthcoming settlement. Towards the week end tlie influx of gold into the Bank j of England and the better feeling in , regard to the Moroccan situation combin ed with the monetary position showing signs of growing easiness imparted strength to the gilt-edged Bection and better prices for the week's close firm. Foreigners reflected the varying moods of the continental bourses and finished with a steady tone after early weakness which was most pronounced in the Rus sians. Heavy selling of Japanese early ii* the week for American account caus ed a weakness of recent issues, but those participated in the steadier closing to day. Americans have been feverish, largely dominated by the bears’ endeavor to force j prices down, helped by the revival of dear money and the talk about crop scar city and mining troubles. Union Pacific , fluctuated widely on bonus distribution rumors, and at the finish shares about unchanged, while several active issues showed a net loss of one to two dollars. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. From tlie New York Press. If a gird’s father doesn’t like a man she is sure he is nice. One sure w*av to be popular with your friends is to think they arc. If men took on years as slowly as wo men no girl would ever get out of baby clothes. A woman has to ake orphanage. He lives all alone in a large old wooden building in a shady grove—an Ideal rookery for a thinker, student and writer. The Turn-Verein. 4‘The Birmingham Turn-Verein is doing excellent educative wTork in its musical and literary entertainments.” said a cul tured citizen.“The programmes are in variably attractive and an address or paper by some prominent citizen Is al ways a feature. A number of notable ad dresses have been made tills season un der the auspices of the Turn-Verein.” The speaker on tonight's programme will be Mr. Bowron, and his theme will be: "Ancient Faiths and Modern Dis coveries." Prosperous Georgia. Col. Samuel C. Dunlap of Gainesville, Qa., commissioner of the Georgia bureau of industries and immigration, is in Bir mingham as the guest of 'his son, James T. Dunlap, manager of the National Life Insurance company. Colonel Dunlap was United States mar shal under Cleveland’s second adminis tration. He 1st highly esteemed and widely known. "Georgia was never more prosperous than now," said Colonel Dunlap. "Our farmers, our merchants, our manufactu rers and our railroads are alike enjoying great prosperity. "The bureau which 1 represent Is sup ported by the railroads and is doing sub stantial good. It has brought many de sirable immigrants to Georgia and has fostered many solid Industries. "The railroads, as everybody knows, are our greatest developers. What they have added to the values of the south cannot be overestimated and the people should not be slow In appreciating fully tlie work of the big railway companies." Then and Now. “I passed through 'Birmingham a quar ter of a century ago,” said John B. Smathers of Houston, Tex., Inst night, at the Hillman hotel. "I stopped here two days at that time, when the boom was on. I had nothing but ambition and a willingness to work, so I could make no investments. My cousin was with me, however, and he had something Iprs than $1000, which he spent in real estate. He died three years or so ago, and when his local holdings were sold to settle up the estate they brought over $30,000. ”1 firmly believe the executors of the estate made a mistake when they sold the property,” continued Mr. Smathers. ‘Some of it is located in the very heart of th« residence section on the northside of the city, and I am of the opinion that if the estate were to ofTer it for sale now twice $80,000 would easily be obtained. “It is hardly necessary for me to Bay what I think of Birmingham and its pros pects. ufter my acquaintance with the manner In which real estate values have increased. The value of land in any city is about the last to feel prosperity and its effects, while at the same time it i9 about the first to feel the effects of busi ness depression, so when it is considered that Birmingham real estate is still climb ing higher it is safe to assume that the city and the surrounding country is en joying prosperity.” The Turf. “The Alabama state law is as fair as most any 1 have known of relative to race tracks.” said Jacob H. Ryan of Chicago last night. Mr. Ryan is Interested iu the racing game, and spent several hours in Birmingham yesterday between trains, stopping at the Hotel Birmingham. “I have been to Birmingham several times, and each time I have been Impress ed with the signs of growth and prosperi ty on every hand. I am of the opiniot^ that one of the two racing associations in the west, the Western Jockey club and the American Turf association, could make a good thing by holding a meeting here each year, in the fall. “A Meeting to last two weeks, in my opinion, would he a success financially and otherwise, and I believe local capital could be Interested sufficiently to build a track and erect the necessary buildings. The races would help the city in many ways, especially by putting much money in circulation in this section.” About Persons. Marsh Redon of New Orleans is at tUe Hillman. * * • L. Goldstein of Anniston is at the Hill man. • • • Charles P. Klapper of Andalusia Is at the Birmingham. • * * William B. Amherst of Scranton, Miss., is at the Morris. * • • J. K. Spears of Montgomery is at the Morris. • * * M. M. Marks of Selma is at the St. Nicholas. • • • Kudus Armstrong of Tuscaloosa is at the St. Nicholas. • • • Charles M. Vogt of Cullman is at the Metropolitan. * • • Andrew Burgholter of Mobile is at the Metropolitan. * * * 'B. It. Richter of Pensacola is at the Metropolitan. Charles C. Carlsson of New Orleans is at the Birmingham. Mr. Carlsson is a cotton buyer representing Norwegian and English mills, but is on his way to New Orleans from his foreign home, having slopped in Birmingham only over night. * • « Hurry J. Kimball of Cincinnati is at the Birmingham. ICEMEN IN A BAD SCRAPE. Special to the New York World. Y\ mated. Conn., March 1.—A barber in Thomaston has posted the following in his shop: “Icemen must pay double price for a shave, owing to the long faces tluy wear." NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT ALABAMA POLITICS AND OTHER MATTERS OF INTEREST XOTHER political campaign has \W| opened up In Alabama. It is the " ■ same old Benatorship proposi tion. The state democratic executive com mittee has been called to meet in Mont gomery on Tuesday, March 13. The pur pose of the meeting is to make provision for the nomination of a chief justice of the supreme court. S. D. Weakley, of Birmingham, has already been appointed to this position by the governor, to hold office until a successor is elected. The nomination for his successor, which is practically the election, will probably be in August. It will be done in con vention and not in primary. In primary senators and prospective senators are to be nominated. In this meeting of the state executive committee on the 13th a contest is to be made. It is to be to set aside, or rather to amend the action of the last meeting of the committee In regard to the selection of senators and prospective senators who might be eligible to appoint ment in event of vacancy. The wits of Alabama have been at work and at first It was “who would get out Into the woods and return with the shoes left vacant therein.” Now the wits are describing the seekers for succession as birds of prey, or rather birds wTho hover and sail about watching for the faithful or lame old horse that is merely hobbling about and expecting to fall at any mo ment. * ♦ ♦ ♦ | At any rate, the wits, the serious and the ambitious are making much ado about this senatorial succession business and there is really more politics and more strenuous energy being exerted by a num l^pr of men than has been known in1 Alabama politic* for many years. The story now is that under the plan adopted some weeks ago by the state executive committee, two aspiring poli ticians, one of whom has always been ready to respond to a political fire alarm, however lame he might be at the time; and another who has heretofore only been honored with complimentary posi tions In politics, have a material advant age. Therefore, the other fellows want to change the plan. As a matter of fact, the people of the state simply desire to see that every man who has senatorial, aspirations has a fair show. There is no reason why a member of congress should not have the nerve not only to enter a primary contest before the peo ple in his district to succeed himself, but at the same time enter a contest of the entire.state to recommend him for . senatorial succession in the event of a vacancy. , 1 . The action of the state executive com mittee may not have been by any means perfect. It was not. But the commit tee merely acted in a way which pro vided for the people to express them selves as to succession In thd senate should a vacancy occur between sessions of the legislature, which, has been fixed by the constitution of the state at four years apart. The state committee simply desired to prevent a combination made for the pur pose of a division of the spoils of politi cal Alabama. Just what is( going to he done at the March meeting of the committee remains to be seen. Certain it Is that several active coteries of enthusiastic politicians will be present and efforts are now be ing made to bring about a change in the senatorial succession matter. This man Nelson Cromwell, who has figured so conspicuously In Panama canal matters, seems npt only to be antagon izing the senate Investigating commit tee and exceedingly discourteous to Sen ator Morgan, but seems to assume an air of executive authority and power which appears like unto that formerly assumed by some of the recent deposed heads of the great life Insurance societies. It Is very manifest that Mr. Nelson Cromwell had delegated to him paramount powers by the chief executive of this country In handling Panama affairs. And It may be that Senator Morgan knows more about Ills assumption of plenary powers than has been developed up to date. Mr. Cromwell Is a very able man and has made a great deal of money In his life. Senator Morgan seems to be anxious to know whether lie made anything in ex cess of reasonable fees and perquisites out of his handling the Panama canal matters for the United States govern ment. It Is very manifest that the Ala bama senator Is boring deep. What he will find remains to be seen. Tlds Chinese question is going to be a serious one. Millions of dollars worth of American manufactured goods have been annually shipped and sold to China. And it Is a known fact that the Chfnaman pays his bills more promptly than any other man in the world. I w'ould venutre the assertion that of all the goods shipped to China from America within the past | twenty years the losses have not been one-tenth of 1 per cent. The Chinese merchant's word is as good as hie bond, and it is the rarest of Instances where he would take advantage of any tech nicality whatsoever. As it Is now, the Chinese merchants j and business men have formed an alii- j anco among thern&elves to boycott Ameri can goods because of the fact that the American government continues to boy cott the Chinese people. For more than ten years, we have ex cluded the Chinaman. Thfe Chinese la borer cannot come to thlsi^ country, and It is really difficult ' for- thA Chinese mer chant or tourist, however much he may be worth/ to be admitted pur scores. At tli© same time we seek and bring Into this counfry the rabble and the criminals of every other cotSritry on the fac*e of the earth. The Afiij&fcn pV the Fiji islander may come in aj wllf The loweBt type Italian dr Sicilian may land upon our1 shores and have fro# Access to every part of this country. - Yet the Chinaman Is excluded. Therefore, it is but natural that the Chinese jpf ability should assert themselves attd exercise their rights In their own way. They are not excluded from any other country in the world, and Amerkya excludes no j other people than the Chih#pe. As a mat ter of fact, if we are determined to keep ] the Chinese away from ust we ought to keep away from them. Instead of send ing armies over there to Protect our citizens and demand that thv should go Into any part of China that they see fit to enter, we ought to ree&ll our people or else open our doors to their people. ♦ ♦ ♦ T^ots of people in Birmingham have been complaining recently about the torn-up condition of the streets. It Is a bit unpleasant to have thfc streets torn up so much, but It Is an evidence of Improvement and prosperity. The town that never has its streets torn up is a slow one. You can't pave streets unle99 you tear them up; nor can you < put in new water and gas pipes nor 'build street car tracks. As a matter of fact, while all the work which has been done in Birmingham dur ing the past year 'has not been accom plished with that speed w-* some of us would like, at the same time the ac complished improvements speak volumes 1 for themselves. I hope to see every un paved street and sidewalk in Birmingham torn up for the purpose of being paved within the next year. ---■—-" I ALABAMA PRESS Talladega Reporter: The battle of China la not Uncle Sam's mix. Gadsden Journal: The weather man may know his business, but we suggest that he save a little water for July and August. Hartselle Enquirer: With Comer out In the field, Cunningham getting ready, and | ex-Governor Johnston's friends tugging at his aspirations—politics will soon come forth In all Its glory! Anniston Hot Blast: Secretary Taft says that after every liar has had his say about the Panama canal, the work can go on. Mr. P. Bigelow knows best whether he cares to take this up. Trl-Cour.ty Weekly: Mrs. Flske. the ac tress, asks: "Why do so many people go to the theatre like children who want pink sticks of candy?" The answer is easy. They don’t know how much nausea they will get for their meney. Prattville progress: There were 2207 applicants for teachers’ licenses in Ala bama at the January examination, ot' which 6(56 failed. So much for the educa tional system,’in showing that there were 666 people wanting to teach who were not qualified. Florence Herald: The state press gen erally spenks In th^ highest terms of praise of Hon. 8. D. Weakley, as a jurist and a man, and he will receive warm support In his desire to bo nomina ted for the office be now holds, subject to the democratic primary next fall. Selma Journal: The voice of the base ball fan is again being heard in the land and the) baseball writer Is beginning to loosen up from his winter hibernation and give to the newspaper reading public the regular old article of "dope." The na tional game appears to be reviving all over the country and there will doubtless bo a big wave of enthusiasm In baseball circles this summer. Huntsville Mercury: Mr. William Loyd Garrison a attention Is respectfully direct ed to the outrages being perpetrated in Ohio against unoffending negroes. While their right of suffrage Is not withheld, their right of holding property safely la violated and their lives are endangered because they have colored skins. William Loyd should call another mass meeting and read the riot act to the citizen of the commonwealth which has furnished us so many republican Presidents. PETTUS ON TOBACCO. Washington—(Special to the New York Times).—When the Senate came out of secret session tonight several senators were seen smoking. The rules are strict against Indulging In cigars on th# floor, and the sight was an unusual one. Among those who were enjoying themselves wns La Follette, who was pacing up and down at the back of the chamber and pull ing away vigorously on a blazing stub. Senator Pettus stepped up to him as ho was on the way to the cloakroom and laid bis hand on his shoulder. • My dear boy.” said the veteran humor ist from Alabama. "I am the oldest sena tor in years, as you are the youngest In service.” "That’s nicely said, senator,” replied La Follette. smiling. "Yes. well, now, let me tell you some thing.'' replied Pettus. "You are reveal ing the secrets of the executive session when you finish that cigar dftbr the doors are opened.” „ Both laughed heartily. "One thing more," continued the old man. "I don't let out any secrets that way, because I lake my tobacco another wav. See?" and, shifting a lump from his right to his left cheek, he stalked into the cloakroom. HIS ATTITUDE EXPLAINED. From the Savannah Press. Cromwell believes that silence is golden and he hasn't gotten his money from the French Canal company yet. COMMENTS ON MEN AND MATTERS OF THE TIMES IN the course of an amateur perform ance recently, the leading comedian was supposed to pay a visit to the nether regions by way of a trap door cut In the stage. He got half way down to hades and laying a bit of paper on the stage, where he could read his lines con veniently. he proceeded to deliver his fare well address. After his concluding re | marks were ended the comedian picked up the paper and descended carefully Into the realm of Are and brimstone, totally overlooking the fact that the hot lakes down there might scorch his prompt sheet. The devil on the stage above'watted in silent suspense. A tense stillness fell upon the audience. It was clear that something had gone amiss, but whether the comedian was in peril, or had fallen from the ladder could not *be as certained. Finally a member of the com pany leaned over the mouth of hades and called softly to the comedian below. After a long wait he Issued forth once more, delivered the remainder of his peroration, which, It seems, he had neglected to speak at first, and returned to the home of Mephisto with a satisfied air. The play then proceeded. EASY SPEAKER. He spoke so gently. And always, by choice, That people remark^"' -.i His gumshoe voice. Birmingham’s water wagons are now painted a bright blue. They could be seen a mile away if it wasn't for the smoke. Six thousand persons saw Sarah Bern hardt play “Camille” at Kansas City. Six persons In the audience knew what she was talking about. MARRIED MATHEMATICS. They lived a while In weeded bliss Each night a hug, Each morn a kiss— Until one day There came a cloud And sounds of strife Prolonged and loud. To court they rushed. With fierce complaint, The husband mad. His wife quite faint. The judge gave her A quick decree. Their hearts were two Again, b’gee. In married life. As now It's tried, We multiply And then divide. “Nobody’s Darling" corresponds for an Alabama newspaper and creates the Im pression that she Is looking* for some one to love her. The simple life is not a fad In Rias and Bobo, two peaceful Alabama towns. OR MASS. In Springfield, O. The folks fight so We’d rather go To Springfield, Mo. A Vermont man asked the postmaster of Tvouisville to send him the names of all unsaved persons In the city and the postmaster mailed him a copy of the city directory. A GOOD SORT, Just pin your faith to the man who fights. Who is never afraid to do and die; To the man who wears a smile and says, “There’s a good time coming, bye and bye.” Secretary Taft advises young men to be mixers. The term "mixer” Is applied to a man who makes other people think that he is Interested in them when It Is to his interests to do so. It must be great to be a musical comedy comedian and tickle the prettiest chorus ffirls under the chin at every performance for nothing. It costs a layman $8 to do ' that. • I A few more definitions taken »t ran dom from our new dictionary: PROMINENT CITIZEN.—Ordinary clt- j Izen in print; any white man net In , jail. PEACE.—Roosevelt's long suit. WAR.—Roosevelt’s long suit. RISING YOUNG MAN.—Any young man drawing $kt a month why gets married. FAN.—Abbreviation of FANATIC; used in baseball parlance; comes with tho violets and fades with the golden rod* JOKE.—Something presumably funny which we say ourselves. VOCALIST—Person Who slngi In a church choir for $30 a month. SINGER.—Person who sings for $1000 i a performance And up. BUNCO.—Art of doing, others ; before | they do you; universal practice. HUSBAND.—One to Whom things are charged. POLITICS.—Game In which the cards are always stacked. BALDNESS.—A misfortune but not a bar to matrimony. , BOOK.—Something to read; see BANK j EOOK. WOMAN.—The riddle of the ages. GIRL.—Same as WOMAN, only younger. LADY.—Obsolete; see WOMAN. GENT.—Gone with LADY. "Let us be honest.’’ says the Talladega Reporter. One! Two! Three! All tqgetharl Commissioner Bingham refers to ''Hell's Delight.” Must mean the magnates. THE WAY OF THE WORLD. When Phyllis was poor No one came to woo her, But now she is rich And dozens pursue her. Now we are informed that cold Storage breeds germs In chickens. How about eggs? IN THE STREET. Little drops of water Put In ''gllt-edgpd” stock Make the common, people Put their clothes In hock. The editor of the Polkvllli Bugle an nounces that David B. Henderson died at Paresis, Iowa. A newspaper man asked George M. Cohan what he would do when the pub lic got tired of his style of entertain ment. He answered; "I won't have to do anything then,” which is neat enough, considering the money George makes. PAUL COOK. HIGHLAND MARY. By Robert Burns. Ye banks, and braes, and streams arousd The Castle o' Montgomery. Green be your tfoods, and fair yoUr flowers, V; Youf waters never drumlle! There simmer first unfauld her rob eg,/ And there she langest tarry; For there I took the last farewell f O' my sweet Highland Mary. « j How sweetly bloomed the gay green bilk. How rich the hawthorne's blossom, t As underneath their fragrant shade \ I clasped her to my bosom! The golden hours, on angel wings, Flew o'er me and my dearie; ■' For dear to me, as light and life, Was my sweet Highland Mary. - l WT many a vow. and locked embrace. Our parting was fu- tender; And. pleading oft to meet again, We tore ourselves asunder; But, Oh! fell death's untimely frost. That nipt my flower gas CarlyY Now green's the sod. and eauld's the clap. That wraps my Highland Mary. O pale, pale now those rosy Ups I oft liae kissed sue fondly! And closed for ay the sparkling glanoa That dwelt on me sae kindly! And mouldering now In silent dust That heart that lo'ed so dearly— But still within my bosom’s eors Shall live my Highland Mary.