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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, July 01, 1906, Comic Section, Image 34

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\fVhcrt Happened toFred
the Glorious
Fourth
AMi/jiiTiG JTVzr or r/rr rocs&T-sr or c&-nr
__ nr irzzz^r irAzzAczr jos
There wns to be a great celebration on
the glorious Fourth In the beautiful grove
of elms and oaks thnt grew In a most
propitious spot near a cool, sparkling
atrenm one mile from Beevllle.
And nil Beevllle was up and doing at
the first peep of day; even the very
young and email Beevlllera found them
selves wide awake at the first sound of
the roaring anvil which wns fired at tbo
town smithy as early ns 5 o'clock.
One of the happiest little Becvlllers.
who had lived for a week prior to the
Fourth on happy anticipation, was Fred
Harper, need 10. Op the morning In ques
tion Fred's mother came Into his room
and said; ''To-day's the glorious Fourth.
Freddie."
On other mornings Fred's mother had to
call him many times before she could
prevail upon him to open his eyes, hut
on this morning the few words she spoke
worked like magic In wnklng him In
stantly. With eyes wide open nnd n heart
full of eagerness Fred leaped from bed
and bathed and combed nod dressed him
self In his Sunday best In much less time
than It usually took him to get his eyes
really open.
You see, Fred was a true patriot, to
whom the occasion meant a great deal.
After breakfast Fred was restless to
start for the celebratloa gronnds. and
could hardly wait till his mother had
their luucbeon baskets packed and hla
father wns at the gate with a two-seated
spring wngon to carry them to the grove.
But after arriving at the picnic grounds
the time passed very rapidly. Indeed, for
there was muBlc by the band and Binging
by the town's best vocal talent. And,
besides these features of entertainment
there wns n drum-corps parade. In whim
Fred proudly marched at the head carry
ing the flag.
Then came the reading of the Declara
tion of Independence by a deep-voiced
young Inwyer who was duly Impressed
bv the honor conferred upon him by tuo
celebration committee. Although the great
words and sentences that fell from the
young render's tongue found plnce In the
ears and minds of the Beevllle fathers
and mothers, the younger listeners grew
a hit restless and found It hard to keep
their seats beside the enthused parents.
More than once Fred’s mother was
obliged to shake him to keep him awake,
and once, losing all patience with him,
she wblapered In hla ear: "Now. sou.
' you sit up and beep your eyes on the
young mau who Is reading, and listen to
everything be says; and mind, If you
don't keep awoke I'll not let you have the
skyrockets 1 hove In mind to buy for
you this evening.”
Fred at once sat np, batted his blue
eyes and pinched hlB legs to keep himself
awnke. Then he riveted his eyes on the
reader of the Declaration of Independ
ence. his poor ears catching an occasional
and. to him, meaningless word.
But ns be sat there the young lawyer's
face began to change and hla voice to
sound dim nud far away. Then sound
ceased altogether and the reader gradual
ly took ou the form of a huge skyrocket,
his florid fnce looking for all the world
like the gaily red-painted “business cud"
of tbe rocket.
This amused Fred so much thnt he
■nickered, whereupon his mother took
hold of him and pushed him away from
the bench where he had been sitting be
side her, whispering crossly to him to
run ou awny Into the woods and amuse
himself, since be was too stupid and too
sleepy-headed to listen to the reading of
thnt “grandest thing ever written—the
Declaration of Indenpondence.,,
So Fred, shaking out his sleepy feet and
stretching his arms thnt ached to be doing
something, walked willingly away toward
the dense timber thnt bordered the brook.
Me had not gone far when he heard u
i rustling uolse Id tbe grass behind him,
and, turning rouud. he saw the young
lawyer, who was still tu the form or a
giant skyrocket, coming at full tilt after
him.
Fred stopped and waited till the strange
being came up. also kept silent, giving
his new companion opportunity to apeak
first.
"Well. Freddie,” said the human sky
rocket. In n strange metallic voice. **!
don’t blame you for getting tired of all
that lingo I was reading, for It made me
tired, too. So 1 thought I'd Just change
shape and have u little real Fourth of
July fun. Truth Is, people—nor kids
neither—don't know what real sport Is on
the Fourth. If n felImv’d have a good
time he's got to turn himself Into a sky
rocket or giant firecracker and shoot him
self Into the clouds. Then lie can see
everything and make all the noise he
wants to.”
“That’s groat!” exclaimed Fred, ad
miring greatly the young lawyer who
possessed the magic charm that could
turn himself Into the form of a sky
rocket the size of a telegraph pole.
••Wish 1 could be even a firecracker."
"Enough said,” remarked the lawyer.
"You shall go with me lu the shape of a
giant firecracker. Come, what suy you
to that?"
But before Fred could reply he felt
his two legs turn Into one; his hands
slipped Into his pockets, and became at
tnced to his sides, and lo! he looked at
his own reflection la the grass—a most
peculiar phenomenon and saw that he
was the thing he had wished to become
-a giant firecracker!
"Oh. ho!” he cried merrily. "I'm al
most us big as you. Bet I can outsbooi
you!"
take the wager," responded the
msy rocket. "Do vou happen to have u
match about you?'
"I’ve matches, hut no hands to get to
them with " replied Fred "That Is. I
“My esteemed friend, will you kindly touch n match to mef"
! left home with lots of matches In my
pockets and I guess they're still there;"
"Oh, I see," said the skyrocket. "Well,
I find myself In the same bnndless pre
dicament. But there comes Billy Grimes,
your school chum. I'll ask him to give
us a light."
At that Instant Billy Grimes did np
pear, and the skyrocket—otherwise the
lawyer—bent over towurd him and said:
"My esteemed friend, will you kindly
touch a lighted match to me, and also
one to my smaller companion here, sad
see us go toward the clouds?"
"Well, my goodness gracious! Who ever
saw such n huge skyrocket and giant
firecracker before?" cried Billy, looking
up at the two queer things that looked
down upon him. "Indeed, I shall touch
matches to you and see you both go off
ker-plunk! Gee. you fellers are g-r-e-u-t!”
Then getting some matches from his
pocket Billy scratched them against the
sole of his shoe and protected them In
the hollow of his left hand till they
flamed good and strong; then he applied
the biases to the skyrocket and giant
firecracker, running off n safe distance
immediately upon seeing the fuses Ignite.
A strange leeiing took possession of
Fred as the fuse burned within him.
Then, Just as he was on the point of
shooting Into the air, a terrible uolse
sounded near him and he saw the sky
rocket dash through the air like a cau
uonlmll. But he bnJ not an Instaut to
spend enjoying Ills friend’s sudden exit
from earth, for Immediately his own
body shot upward with a terrible ex
plosive sound and he followed In the
wake of the rocket that was currying a
trail of fire into the clouds.
Then he burst!—went iuto a hundred
pieces—wtyen about 10 feet above the
ground. Ami how the spnrks of fire
burnt blin and tingled through his body —
the purt of It that was left to tingle,
which, indeed, was but a bit of chared
piece of wood. And how he fell with a
dull thud to eurth. still burning like u
blister.
Then something srange happened. All
of a sudden he felt a dash of something
cold on his — face!—yes, face, for his
cheeks and nose and chin felt It ns plain
ly as could be. Another dush! L’hen
Fred opened Ills eyes—yes, eyes! for
he still hud those precious orbs. And
In another Instaut he realized Just where
he was and what he was. lie was plain
Fred Harper, aged 10, aud was lying on
the ground under a tree, but not lu the
shade, for the sun had crept round
toward the West and was shining full In
his face. Over him stood Billy Grluies
with a home-made squirt-guu from which
the mischievous rascal sent a spray of
cold water over Fred's face which was
almost burned to a blister by the hot
sun.
"Ill, what you sleepln’ fer on th' Glori
ous Fourth?" asked Billy, giving Fred
some more wuter from the apparently
Inexhaustible squirt-gun. "Don't you
know they’re spreadln' the dinner? An'
they’ve got dead loads of goodies."
"Ilow did I come here?" Fred asked,
rlslug slowly and making a wry face,
for his arms and legs were asleep aud
tingled like a hurt crazyboue when he
tried to get up.
**W’y, you went to sleep while that
lawyer man was a-rendln the Declara
tion of In’ependence, an’ yer inn she
tooked you up an' carried you out here
an’ laid you In the shade. But fer quite
awhile the sun’s bln cookin’ yer phiz.
It’s been lots of fan to see you wriggle
an’ make crooked faces. Then yer mu
she called to me an’ told me to wake
you up. as dinner's 'hont ready to eat.
I'm Invited by yer ma to eat with yon.
an' she says I’m to go home with you
an' help to shoot off the fireworks 'at
she's got laid up In the closet to s'prlse
yon with."
Fred at Inst got ap. shook himself fnlly
awake, and then, taking Billy to one side,
asked In a low. confidential whisper:
•Say. Bill, have yon seen the lawyer
man wbnt was reading the Declaration
of Dependence?"
"Sure; yonder he Is buyln' lemonade
for his best gurl," answered Billy, point
ing with an unwashed finger toward the
honored man of the day, who In very
truth was standing close beside a pretty
young lady In pink, both drluklng with
apparent relish some picnic lemonade.
“Gee whiz,'' eiclalmed Fred. "It hasn't
been half nu hour since l saw him shoot
Into the clouds, esplodld’ as he went as
loud as a cnnnoD. W'y, he was the big
gest skyrocket I ever saw In all my life.
He was"
"Come ofT," cried Billy, glvlDg him the
last drop of water fjoni the squirt gun.
•'What you talkin’ 'bout, anyway?"
"Guess 1 was drearalo',” answered
Fred. "But It was the most amusin’
dream I ever had. Wish you could have
seen the lawyer man shoot Into the sky
about a second after you touched a match
to him."
", -or | touched a match to him?
crleo Billy. Then, taking Fred by the
arm he continued: "Guess you re either
suns'trueli or the glorious Fonrth_ baa
gone to yer head. Come—after you ve et
"ome of thut friend chicken 1 seen yer
ma takln out of a basket you II come to.
“Hope so," grinned Fred. “But, hon
est It was fuunv to see that lawyer
man go Into the air, though. And when
1 litirsted"
But Hilly, dragging him toward the
picnic spread, broke In with: ‘ Now,
that’s 'nougb for this time. Save the
rest fer next Fourth o’ Julie.’*
Sammy’s Soliloquy.
# _
| When I’m trowed up to be a man.
And own a little boy.
I'll never stamp my foot and storm
And say he does annoy
Me out of all my very wits;
Nor will I scowl and frown,
And call him Just the very worst
Of all mean kids In town.
I'll simply take 'Im on my knee.
An' lls'en to the jokes
What he Is join' fer to play
On all old cranky folks
That are forglttln’ every day
They was ever young an' good.
Or 'at they e’er enjoyed life
Like bap;y youngsters should.
For ’t 'pears to me ’at peopl most
Grows sourer with each year.
An’ only live to frown an’ scold.
An’ spank their children, dear.
For doin’ of the very things
That once they did with gleo
When they were young an’ very good—
The same as you an’ me.
An* when I have a little boy,
He may eat an’ eat an* eat.
Till he Is full to busting
From mouth down to his feet.
For this Is how I look at It—
Men live both long and old;
But boys don’t live to be past 12;
At least, so I’ve been told.
MAUD WALKER.
Tohe Fox and Hounds.
A Lively Athletic Game (or Boy* and Girl*.
“Konodi” chasing the "Fox.”
Cast lota to see who shall be the fox,
for all the boys aud girls save one muse
play at being hounds. When the decision
has been made give the fox five minutes'
start. It ts best to play in the country,
where there nre bills and woods, for It Is
more Interesting when the fox gets lost
from sight
The fox must carry a bag filled with
tilts or white paper, which he throws
out along the track as he runs. This Is
the “scent" that the hounds follow. But
the fox must use caution In throwing the
paper out In too. great quantities, for the
hounds must be obliged to hunt the scent
at times, otherwise the fox might be too
easily overtaken and the game prove en
tirely too tame.
But during the chase the hounds mnst
not under any circumstances leave the
scent, and often much fun Is had by the
fox turning round and passing back close
to the path it took In going out, thus
running so close to the bounds that they
could easily catch It dared they leave the
scent. But the fox must never cross Its
own path on the return trip, for by so g
doing the scent would be lost.
The game is a test of swiftness versus
endurance, some children proving much
swifter runners than others bat without
the endurance to keep up In the chase.
If the fox Is one of endurance be can
wear out his pursuers by taking them
over uneaven and steep hillsides, follow
ing a zig-zag route that keeps the hounds
In a constant state of uuxlety regarding
the scent.
The starting place Is the goal, and II
the fox escapes being caught and returns
to it in safety he has t. a the game over
the hounds, the last hound returning to
goal being elected to play the fox In the
next game, for he Is the worst defeated
hound and must, therefore, pay the pen
alty hy being the fox.
But if, on the other band, the fox la
caught the hounds are the winners of the
game, and the boy who Is to play the
fox In the next game must be picked by
the casting of lota, all—Including the de
feated fox—taking equal chances.
Sometimes the chase will lead over four
or five miles, and ns the boys and girls
become adepts In the art of long-distance
running they will enlarge their territory
after being able to travel six or seven
miles on a stretch.
IRISH WIT.
Pat—Pshure an' the doctor performed
an operation on me brother Tim.
O'Leary—Phat did he operate on him
fori
Pat—Why, man, for *100, to be aural
Nora—Mike, la that Patrick Ryan an |
honest man?
Mike—I don’t like to accuse a man
without substantial proofs, Nora, but I’m
afraid he’s the kind that needs watcbln’.
Nora—Why, Mike?
Mike—Shure, an' he's seen too often
with new umbrellas.
HAND-SHADOW PICTURES FOR
LITTLE FOLKS.
1“ ' . ... I 1
illuvh Util. j
Tbt Goom, |
A PICNIC ON THE DESERT BY Helena davis.
Annie, Paul and Noll hn«l „one to th«
foothills of tne mountains to spend a day
picnicking on the desert. At home. In
the East, when they went out to enjoy
the day there were so many lovely shady
places to choose from that It was often a
question of which spot should be se
lected for the day’s outing. But away
out here In New Mexico it was quite dif
ferent, for there were no groves nor
streams clear and cool, with shady, grassy
banks. Dull-colored sand—which afford
ed life to no vegetation save the gray
sage brush and cacti —stretched every
where and served as n reflector for the
sun, whose burning rays beat relentlessly
down, baking everything they touched.
The children carried with them baskets
of luncheon, or rather their pack burro
carried them, for tbe distance to the foot
hills was too great to allow of their
walking, and each child made the way
across the trackless waste of snud on
the back of a lazy burro, the pack
animal following with his eyes shut,
possibly dreaming of tbe things that hud
happened In his uneventful life of toll.
About 10 o'clock found them nt the
place of destination, a place which nt a
distance had appeared much more Invit
ing than it really was. From where they
were living for the summer this particu
lar spot at the base of the foothills
looked purple, shady and cool. But dis
tance bad lent its enchantment, as Annie
Paul and Nell discovered on close np
prouch. and the deep, shady canyon they
had hoped to find slowly faded awny,
and lu Its place yawned n smooth hollow
that was sunken between two hills, a
hollow bare of anything save shifting, col
orless sulnls.
“Well, there’s no use feeling disap
pointed,’’ declared Paul. “We were told
down nt camp by those who kuew that
we'd better stay there and cut our pic
nic dinner In the de of the *dobe ho
tel, or go out to tent town and visit
with the campers. But for one, I’m not
sorry, for It’s been sport coming across
the sand on these solemn donkeys. It
put me In mind of the cuuiels that carry
people across the Sara ha. They say they
are the most soleiuu and Intelligent of
beasts."
“Well, In the matter of intelligence
these burros are surely quite unlike the
camel," said Nell* dismounting and turn
ing her burro loose to wander where It
wished. “You see tbe thlug ts too stupid
to budge from Its trucks. Here It would
stand till doomsday unless someoue
should guide It uwuy.”
“That Is all the better for us,” de
clared Annie, also springing from her
burro's back to the soft saud. “We cun
let them siuud here while we go up the
r ountalu to see what Is to be seen.’’
“Suppose we rest here till eating time,”
snid Paul, lifting the luucbeon baskets
from tbe pack burro. “It'B no use to
hunt for a shady spot, for we wouldn t
tiud It this side the Missouri River Val
ley. And qb cur time Is a bit limited
we’ll not be able to go there to-day.”
“Oh, 1 think a picnic on the desert Is
Just the thing!” exclaimed Nell. “It will
be so unusual, and we'll tell the folks all
about It .hen we return dust.”
“Sure, half the pleusure comes In tell
ing of It to others," assented Annie.
“Where would be the fuu in anything
unless you could talk about it to your
friends?"
Then the three children, whose parents
bad Indulgently allowed them to come off
tur themselves for a day’a outing, decided
to “Just fool round till after dinner."
There would be time enough In the after
noon to go up the mountain, ngalnst
whose base lay the brown ugly hills thnt
had been their choice for n picnic ground.
To pass the time away they tried build
ing a castle of sand, but found It was
more unRntlsfnctory than building air
castles, so they decided to He on their
backs In the sand and erect a few of the
latter.
Thus the time passed and noon arrived.
Then the three opened the baskets and
spread the picnic cloth on the sand. Rut
Just as they were about to seat them
selves to enjoy the feast—for they were
ravenously hungry—Paul noticed that the
four burros were acting strangely. They
would put their noses to the earth, then
raise their beads and shake them un
easily. As the children were watching
children to cat.
Hurriedly they sprang to their feet,
and while Nell put the food away !u the
baskets Annie and Paul ran to fetch the
burros that were again starting home
ward
"Guess we've got a regular desert Rand
storm!" called out Paul above the noise
of tte rising wind. “There's but one
thing to do, and that Is to pull for camp
as lltely as these burros will travel."
"We’ll never be able to see our way!"
cried Annie, her fears almost mastering
her. She bad heard of people belug lost
on these plains In sand storms and per
ishing for water. Already her throat felt
parched, and she ran to the baskets and
procured a bottle of water which she In
tended to hold to In case of emergency.
“Well, we must get on the burros and
trust t> their sagacity," declared Paul,
clnred Annie. “It followed in the path
of the saud devil, and that came from
the west.”
But all argument was stopped by the
terrible dust and sand that filled eyes,
ears, nostrils and throats, and the chil
dren kicked and pounded the burros with
all their feeble strength to urge them on.
“I don’t know as It's any use to try
to guide 'em!” at last called out Paul.
“Give ’em the relna! They may take the
right course.”
Both Annie and Nell now felt that all
hope might ns well be abandoned. They
were doomed to be lost on this desert,
where they would perish ior wnter. Even
the bottleful that Annie carried would
quench their thirst out once. Then all
would be over.
Thus giving up to despair, the little
girls gave the reins to the “poor, stupid
"There came acroM the plain a bit of a 'Whlrlirlnd.'M
them the four anltr.nls turned aa one
townrd the camp, starting at a brisker
walk than was tbelr usual gait. Annie,
I'nul and Nell were obliged to run In
pursuit of them and tutu them back.
But as the burros seemed stuuboru, and
bent on going off towards camp. Paul de
cided to bobble them ivltb tbelr bridle
reins. This done the three children sat
down lo the spread, but Just ns Paul was
unwrapping a tissue papered sandwich
there came across the plain a bit of a
whirlwind—culled In that part of- the
world a "sand devil.” It was uotblug
more nor less than a miniature cyclone,
whirling and leaping and gathering Baud
aud alkali dust as It came.
The children quickly spread a cloth over
their fowl, bolding It down at the four
corners till the "sand devil" passed.
Then, wiping the dust from tbelr eyes
they began tbelr luncheon. But they bad
scarcely dona so when the wind came
across the level expanse of sand with
■uddeu fury. And with It came sand and
alkali dust, making It lmpoaalU* far tha
his eyes so full of dust and sand that be
could scarcely hold them open. "Come,
I'll help you girls to mount, then I'll get
on my burro. But we roust manage to
keep together, for If we hould get sep
arated we’d not be liable to And each
other soon, for lookl we can't see a ,
dozen yards beyond tbe spot where we
stand.”
Nell and Annie obeyed Paul's Instruc
tions and soon all were mounted, and the
pack burro left to follow without the
baskets, for there was no time to pick up
the baskets, luncheou and nnpery.
"We are going In a circle!" cried Nell,
her heart beating violently with the fear
she felt. “\/e'll never, never get to
camp if we don't go right.”
“How are we to know the directions?"
demanded Annie. ”We can’t see even
the hills."
"The wind Is from the south. We'll go
full against It!” cried Paul. “But try as
1 may I can't tura this brute’s bead In 1
that direction.”
"The wind la not from tbe so nth.” da- i
burros,’* as they said mentally. Bu{
I'aul, believing In the Instinct of the
little animals to take them aright, sat
up In the saddle hopefully.
After sometime—which seemed much
longer than It really was—the children
heard voices calling. "Hetloa! belloa!'*
They answered back with heating hearts,
“Hellon! hellon!" And In a few minutes
there blew Into the circle of their vision
rescuers from the camp. And then the
happy trio lenmed that they were within
n quarter of n mile from camp, the trusty
little burros having carried them safely
In the rlgbi direction, much against tha
children's wish, for they—the girls es
pecially—had declared that "the stupid
little beasts" were traveling In a circle.
After Annie, Paul and Nell had retted
and partaken of some dinner they sat In
the midst of their parents'and friends
and found much pleasure In describing
their "picnic on the desert.** "Well,
we're had an experience worth telling
•boutl'* said Paul, droUy. "It will aoood
great to our Eastern cousins whan we
tell them that we were lost In a sand
storm-”
"And that we didn't oven have donkey
sense," Interrupted Nell, now alive to the
humorous side of the situation. "For
hadn’t] we trusted ourselves to those
poor, stupid lltt.a burros we mtgbt have
still been blowing about among the
sands."
A UNIQUE PICNIC
HAT FOR GIRLS.
* ■■■■'■ . ■
No. 1 shows underneath the hat.
Kivine arrnnaement of bands.
No. It snows top of hat.
Few girls like to wear anything to a
picnic which will not bear rough usage,
aud especially do they feel particular In
regard to their millinery. Even the Inex
pensive little “ready-to-wear" bata are
too dainty to withstand the wear and
tear of a day In the woods, and many
girls will say: “1 don't mind soiling my
muslin frock, for It will bear tbe tub,
but If my hat gets crashed or Its shape
spoiled by the dew there Is uo remedy
save to replace It by a new one.”
Now here Is a suggestion which 1 am
su - many girls will bo glad to follow, u
suggestion for a 'picnic not." Uet a very
large, strong palm-'eaf fan—a nice one
can be bought for a few cents—and cut
off the handle close against the edge of
the fan. Bind tbe edge of the fan with
some pretty colored ribbon and sew firm
ly In tbe center—on the curved side—a
bandeau to fit the head. One may buy n
bandeau at the mllllner’a for a trifle, or
become one'a own milliner by shaping n
bandeau of a bit of milliner's canvas sod
wire. This should lie covered on the
exposed side with ribbon tbe same as Is
used tor binding the edge of the hat.
Near the outer edge, on top of tbe fan,
Blare at eltuer side full bows of tbe rib
on with loug streamers to tie beuentb
th~ chin when tbe wlud blows too fierce
ly When the ties sre not needed they
incy be caught up In loops with a trim
ming pin or carelessly knotted behind
over tbe balr.
The “fan picnic bat" la useful, unique
and very becoming tn trank young faces.
y .'.i ' -- VL ' - I "■
SONG OF THE FIRE
WORKS.
On the Glorious Fourth we're welcomed
by all.
The young and the old, the short and
the tail,
Tbo lean and the fat, the sonr and the
gay.
Come forth to greet ne on that festive
(lay.
I "■ --1
And gaily we sally out baud lu band.
Loving to follow the loud-playing band;
And Ailing the street* with out own lusty
noise
That drowns the sound of band and of
boys!
In the pockets of youth we're carried
around.
And thrown out to burst on the grassy
ground
Near the feet of some picnicker, all un
aware
That a boy with a cracker la near any
where.
Or mayhap we’re shot like a ball toward
the sky:
And we carry a flame and a roar on high.
Or In form of balloons we are sent up so
gay
To »onr thrnnch Hie clouds, far. far imit.
Ur ou a wuodba. we are put with a piu
Aud touched with ft match to make us
spin. pin.
Theu we eplntter and wblrt and burnt
with our glee,
A* tbe crowd* clap and yell. "Hurray ah!
bur-ree!"
Ob. tbe Fourth l» tbe da7 for chaps of
our kind;
And more popular folks than m you'll
not And1 •
But when tbe ronrtb’s orer we shed a
sad tear.
For we’re laid oa the shelf for anothas
whole roar. hL W.

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