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E. W. BARRETT.Editor Entered at the Birmingham, Ala., postoffice as second class matter under act of Congress March 3, 1879. v Daily and Sunday Age-Herald.... 08-00 Daily and Sunday, per month.70 Daily and Sunday, three months.. 2.00 6unday Age-Herald. . 2.06 Weekly Age-Heraid, per annum.. .60 Subscription payable in advance. Z. E. Morgan and W. Q. Wharton are . the only authorized traveling represent- j atives of The Age-Herald in its cir ju- ! lation department. ______t-. --■ No communication will be published without its author's name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless ■tamps are enclosed lor that purpose. Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address, THE AGE-HERALD, Birmingham. Ala. Washington bureau, 20? Hlbbs build ing. European bureau, 6 Henrietta street, Covent Garden. London. Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to 60, inclusive, Tribune building. New York city; western business office. Tribune building, Chicago. Th« & C. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for eign advertising. TELEPHONES Bell (private exchange connecting al departments), No. 4000, You Shall mark Many a duteous anil knee-erooklng knave, gThat doting on Ills own obsequious bondage, Wears out his time, much like 1*1* mauler's ass, J»'or nought but provender) and when he’s old, cashier'd. —Othello. % - _ Oil Profits Last Year The 34 companies into which the oil trust was divided made in W12 from 50 to 100 per cent more than the old trust ever did in a single year. All have their ofices at 20 Broadway and they are just as closely tied together as they were before dissolution took place by order of the supreme court. Holders of the old stock and of the pro rata of subsidiaries received in 1 1912 dividends equivalent to $00.49 a share, as against $40 a share before the trust had been dissolved. The big gest dividend paid by any Standard Oil subsidiary in the year was that of the Continental Oil company, which was equivalent to 70 per cent. In ad dition to these distributions, however, big “melons” were cut, the Standard Oil Company of Indiana paying one dividend of 2900 per cent in the shape of stock. Oil and gasoline and all other prod ucts of the wells have been advanced in pricesA and the entire collection of companies are in a booming condition. Once subsidiary they are now theo retically independent, but they all pull and work together, and their earnings are greater than ever before in the history of the industry. Every share in the 34 companies is soaring and it is difficult to purchase any shares at any time. _ Cipriano CaNtro in Court The former president of Venezuela las cancelled his passage back to Eu rope, and he proposes to stay here until the courts decide upon the nature of his detention at Ellis Island. /The Taft administration now becomes / the practical defendant in the habeas corpus proceedings, or perhaps we should say that Philander Knox does, end he must explain to a federal judge why he is keeping the Venezuelan out of this country. He must put his finger on the section of the immigra tion laws that authorizes him to take this autocratic Russian-like action. The ex-president of a sister republic Bays he desires to tour the country for three months only—that he is a traveler only—a globe-trotter, so to Bpeak—and that he has no ulterior plans or motives, and yet Mr. Knox says he must be kept out of the coun try. Secretary Nagel is also taking a hand in this curious and mysterious effort to keep a mere man from visit ing this country. But no order to deport General Castro has been is sued. He is simply held up at Ellis Island by order of the administration. Castro is now ready to fight back, and it begins to look as if the admin istration would either have to plead in the habeas corpus proceedings or back out altogether. The holding up of any immigrant should be a plain matter of fact and law, but both seem to be lacking in the Castro case. President Fallieres’ Successor This month 597 deputies and 300 senators will proceed to elect a suc cessor of President Fallieres, who has been in office since January 17, 1906. All presidents in France are elected to serve seven years. The recent refusal of Mt Leon Bourgeois to become a presidential aspirant renders the selection of the present premier, M. Raymond Poin care, almost a certainty. He is strong and popular and even his political op ponents are willing to see him kicked upstairs into the Elysee. The latter say the elevation would consign him to political oblivion as it did Loubet. It is now known that Poincare is will ing to be shelved in that manner. He was made premier to get France out of the Moroccan hole and his ad ministration has been remarkably suc cessful. He is now a successful figure ip European politics. As president of the republic he would lose rather than gain ground. As he stands today no statesman of the republic, past or present, out ranks him save only Gam betta. A man of real executive power is not needed in the French presidency. The office pays well. The annual al lowance is 600,000 francs, with a further allowance of 600,000 francs for expenses, but it brings small honor to a really great man, fol lowed by obscurity. M. Poin care is willing to accept the place, and he may be more than a mere figure head in it France is ruled by her legislature. Briand successfully defied the deputies in the railway strike, and Poincare, equally great, may show his teeth in an emergency in case of his election to the presi dency. The senate and chamber .of deputies meet as a national assembly at Versailles on January 17 to elect a new president. Woodrow Wilson's War Paint Woodrow Wilson said at Saunton that the presidency is “an office in which a man must put on his war paint.’’ Indeed he must if he intends to carry out the pledges of the plat form on which he stood when he was elected. Great reforms are to be de vised and executed and in this task war paint will be needed. The inter ests he will attack or give attention to are well intrenched and they are thorough believers in getting all that the traffic will bear, be it in the tariff, in combinations or in the cur rency. While the next President proposes to get in fighting trim, yet he says he will not lose his manners. He will not use the Big Stick in any case to which persuasion can be applied. Persuasion first and compulsion as a last resort, will be his rule. He warns all reactionaries, be they democrats or republicans, to get out of the way of the Baltimore platform, for that platform is to be the guide of his administration. The manner in which he lives up to it will be the true test of his administration. That is what he means when he uses the phrase, “war paint.” Unless all signs fail the country has a courageous, not to say ideal, admin istration in sight. Governor Wilson has never yet failed to live up to his convictions, and he proposes, it is plain, to keep on as he has begun. This is why he will put on his war paint. Senatorial Elections This Month The Illinois legislature meets next Wednesday and two United States senators are to be elected by it—one to take Senator Cullom’s place and the other to fill the Lorimer seat. No one can say what the legislature will do, simply because no party controls it. A band of 26 progressives holds the balance of power. The progressives and standpatters in Illinois hate each other bitterly, and either two demo cratic senators will be elected, or else one democratic and one progressive senator may be the outcome. Much will depend upon the contest over the or ganization of the two houses. Besides the Illinois elections sena tors are to be chosen this month in Michigan, Iowa, Nebraska, South Da kota, Minnesota, Kansas, Tennessee and West Virginia. These states, including Illinois, will probably elect three democrats, four scundpat repub licans, and two progressives. In no one of them has any one a walkover. A battle will be fought in every one of them and the republicans will have no patronage to throw into the scales. The Senate will be close after March 4, but a small majority is as sured to the democra tsf even though they did lose a seat in Maine and one in West Virginia. They gained one in New Jersey and also one in Oregon, and the final footing will show a small majority in their favor without count ing a single progressive. ■ 11 — ■ ~~ Colorado’s new woman senator is known , as “Mrs. Senator” Robinson. She was gallantly given the choice of a seat, and she removed her hat as a preliminary to business. She will take a prominent part In the senate proceedings. In the house is Mis. Agnes L. Riddle, a representative. Site, too. wiH be heard from before the session la ended. “Tho Wren's Nest,” the Atlanta home of Joel Chandler Harris, is now paid for, and the title vested in "the Uncle Remus association. ’ It will long remain a memorial to the genial author whose books have become as popular in one sec tion of the country as another. Colonel Roosevelt and Mr. Taft sat within 60 feet of each other at the funeral of Whitclaw Reid, but they did not Hpeak to each other. They have not met since October 15, 1011, and Mr. Taft's recent as sault on the progressive party will not hasten another meeting. t The death.of Mrs.\»oelet In Paris ren ders her only son, Robert W. Ooelet, the wealthiest society bachelor in Amer ica. He is worth $60,000,000. The prop erty chiefly consists of realty holdings in New York to wtdeh unearned increment is added yearly. Dr. Max Nordau, leader of the Zionist movement, is urging the securing of fav orable terms from the Turks for Jewish < olonising in Palestine. The Jews are prepared to buy every inch of soil needed. Tliirc are 100,000 Jews in Palestine now. Those who awear off one uay should liol swear ou the ne*t day, Senator R. M. Johnston of Houston* is not only an editor, but he is a Geor gian by birth, and he was a soldier of the Confederacy. He must therefore be about 70 years old, but he is still good for a twtf months’ service in Washington. London is pretty sure to have at least j two kings and a half. She has her own George and Portuguese Manuel all the time, and Haakon of Norway and Alphon se of Spain now and then. Henry F. fluids, a democrat, expects to become an United States senator for New Hampshire by means of the joint votes of progressives and democrats. He is a radical democrat. Hong Kong is awaiting the opening of Its department store. The manager of it is to be a Chinaman from Australia. It will occupy eight four story buildings. Dr. Frank MaHory, associate professor of pathology at^Harvard, has cornered tne elusive whooping cough germ. He calls It the bacillus pertussis. Bishop Doane of Albany criticises the suffragists’ hike to Albany as an adver tising dodge. Well, bishop, it pays to advertise. A ball in the rotunda of the capitol amid those horrors of marble and bronze has been compared to dancing at a funeral. The oldest newsboy is dead at the age of 105. He sold papers in the streets of Joliet, 111., up to a few days ago. This month a President of the United States will he elected. The betting still runs in favor of Woodrow Wilson. It is generally agreed that Woodrow W ilson is a long headed man, not merely a level headed one. It is said the suffragists who marched to Albany got nothing but corns in their stockings. The parcel post has already cut tlie transportation charges on prunes over one-half. 0 John D. did not have to save pennies. He saved dividend checks by Uje hatfull. The rich celebrate their nuptials while the plain people simply get married. Three hundred thousand people go daily to'picture shows In New York city. THE TRUTH ABOUT TOBACCO Leonard Hlrshberg, In Harper's Weekly. That smoking causes diseases of the respiratory passages is a matter of com mon belief, but there is no evidence that this is true. A man who smoked 100 cigars a day might possibly irritate bis bronchial tubes In such a frightful man ner that death would follow, but I am not dealing in this article with lunatics, but with sane men who smoke in moderation and know that there is a time and a place for all things. Ordinary smoking pro duces no perceptible irritation of tHe air pa, sages. Indeed, the London Lancet has recently advanced the view that its ef fect upon them is decidedly antiseptic and beneficial. Hoarseness, which sometimes follows excessive cigar or cigarette smoking, par ticularly in winter, is to be laid, not to tobacco, but to the general imbecility of the smoker. A man who snakes In the open air when the temperature is at 20 de grees, and thus inhales alternate blasts of hot and frigid air, or begins to smoke before breakfast and keeps his mouth membranes and muscles of suction busy until he falls asleep at night, is certainly not to be regarded as a normal man, and it Is unfair to condemn smoking in normal men because this one simpleton happens to bo Injured by it. Jf a man talked all j day or drank all day or walked all day, 1 he would he vastly more damaged. Again, he would grow hoarse much more rapidly if he ate snowballs or Inhaled wood smoke or stood watching a fire In a hay ware house. Indeed, 1 am convinced that the smoke of tobacco Is less injurious to the air passages than the smoke of any other substance that burns. That tobacco engenders a taste or crav ing for alcohol is a prehistoric fallacy preserved for us, in fossil form, by the Sunday school tracts and physiology books. Against it lies the fact that no one has ever produced an iota of evidence that smoking and drinking have any rela tionship whatever. Indeed, it is a com mon observation that devotes of the weed are often teetotalers, and that dlpsomah lacf; not Infrequently avoid tobacco alto gether. It may be alleged with some rea son that drinking now and then leads to smoking if we base the charge upon the honorable American custom of calling for a cigar when one's capacity for liquids has been reached, but the opposite transi tion Is something that occurs only in the pages of moral romance. THE AUTOMOBILE From Current Opinion (January). There was a time when the horseless carriage was the luxury of the very rich. Today the automobile rivals the one-time popularity of the bicycle. Tiie automobile industry, though but two decades old, is equaled in volume and importance only by the industries producing raw materials, such coal and steel. There are, according to an investigation, 990,738 cars in use to day in the United States. In Califor nia, one person in 28 owns an auto mobile. In Maine the proportion is one to 30. New York is fairly representa tive of the country at large, oiW out of 90 inhabitants being credited with a horseless carriage. Kentucky stands at the tall end of the list, with one in j 602. No distinction Is drawn, in com piling the figures, between commercial vehicles and pleasure cars. Prices, too, have undergone considerable modifi cation. in 1907 the average price per j automobile was a little over two thous-j and dollars. Today the average price is only a little over one thousand dol lars. The threatened revision of the | tariff may open the market to still cheaper cars from abroad. Five or six hundred dollars will already buy a respectable car. “What is home with out an automobile?" may soon be the leit-motif of the average Americau household. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR From the New York Press. Lovers' quarrels lead to the altar, married folks' to the divorce court. After bathing beach days the very thin girl has her chance in the fur season. No matter how sorry a woman can be for herself about her husband, she can be sorrier for her friends about theirs. * There can never be race suicide so long as titer*- are a few millionaires to stimulate the growth of population among poor relatives. Wlven a man Is going to marry a girl at 20 that weighs 115 pounds, she ought not to let him see what that iooks like in her mother at 40-odd. IN HOTEL LOBBIES Cooking Snuthwnrd “People sometimes express surprise at the ignorance in Europe about the ge ography of America and the agricul tural and mineral resources of the differ ent sections of the United States, but 25 to 30 years ago there was dense ig norance in the northern part of our own country about climatic and agricul tural conditions in the cotton states,” said F. J. Wheeler of Chicago.^ “I used to come in contact with the farmers in the northwest and those wittf whom I talked had an idea that south ern lands w'ere unsulted for anything but cotton. They believed that the cli mate was w'ell-nigh unendurable In summer and that yellow’ fever was liable to break out at any time. As late as ■ 10 years ago many northern people were ; still very Ignorant about the ad van- I tages of the south. Today I find it. \ery different. It is generally known now’ that the cotton states are coming forward rap idly as corn producing states and that the south presents a particularly at tractive field for truck farming. "I am a business man and am not in terested directly in farm lands or ag ricultural development but I believe that within the next five years thousands ot homeseekers now living in the north west will buy small farms in the south. “Until very recently Texas attracted indre homeseekers than any other south ern state but Alabama and Georgia are much discussed in the north now as states holding out fine inducements for the small farmer.” The Xew Ore Company “I was glad to read in The Age-Herald that the owners of tlie large tract of red ore land in Shades valley below Ox moor had organized a company-—The Self-Fluxing Ore & Iron company—with ample capital and would proceed at once to sink a slope phaft for the purpose of mining merchant ore.” said a mem ber of the Chamber of Commerce. “It often happens that those who buy valuable mineral property do so for the purpose of selling to one of the ‘going’ corporations; but In the case referred to the owners found no difficulty in get ting together large local capital for de-r velopment. ‘I understand there is always a de mand for ore of good quality dnd the new company will have the good wishes of the Birmingham public.” AMMlMtnnt Secretary of Agriculture “I am glad to pee that a southern man is to be urged for the important position of assistant secretary of agriculture In Mr. Wilson’s administration, and that the gentleman prominently mentioned for the place is Alexander D. Hudson of Newberry, S. C.,” said a man who is in close touch with the farmers. “Mr. Hudson is a native of Alabama and has many friends and relatives In this State. He married a South Carolina lady and moved to that state where he has been farming in a scientitlc manner for many years with good success. Tic is a student of all branches of agricul ture and horticulture. His farm in South Carolina has for several years been un der the supervision of one of the besi government experts and he has kept In close connection with Clemson college work. “Mr. Hudson has practiced a regu lar rotation of crops and has in this way so improved his lands that he will soon be able to do without commercial fertilizer. He organized the Interstate Corn exposition and as its president al most alone and unaided, has made a great success of it and thereby lias done more to encourage corn growing in tbe south than any one else had ever done. By a special invitation he visited the Na tional Corn exposition in Iowa and made such a favorable impression there as to induce the exposition management to hold the next exhibition in Columbia, South Carolina. “Mr. Hudson’s father was Thomas Hudson, a well known politician and newspaper man in Alabama for over 4" years. In the Flnnnclal World Henry Clews in bis Saturday review says In part: “The new year opens under conflici ing but more hopeful circumstances than It closed. Tho main source of im provement is the monetary outlook at home. The strain incidental to the first of the year passed almost without notice. Our banks, owing to recent liquidation, are in much stronger posi tlon than for some weeks past. The zenith of the crop demands has been successfully passed. Very soon funds will begin returning from the Interior with Increasing freedom, and there will be little, If any, prospect of stringency until preparations lor the April settle ments are in order. "The political outlook, though com plicated as usual, is really brighten ing. No legislation of importance is to be expected until the new administra tion comes into power two months lienee. Next week the tariff, banking, ship-trust and Pujo committees will give hearings, at Washington and inter esting results will follow. Mr. Wilson will promptly call an extra session, and it is to be hoped its attention will be confined strictly to the tariff. A good way to meet the emergency for the extra session would bo to pass over again the last session's tariff bills which failed to become law owing to the ' President's veto and then adjourn.^ It | seems hfirdly likely that the demo- | crats will encourage any destructive policy, because they are already obli gated not to disturb business, and if they did their chance of a renewed lease of power at the next election would be ! very remote. "From the broad point of view we ar© inclined to take a more hopeful attitude regarding the stock market. The unfavorable features above allud ed to were largely discounted by the decline of from 5 to 20 points in the market which occurred in December. There are today rm*hy good investments offering at very attractive prices, and capital is now beg*lining to secure the. better terms to which it is fairly en titled under present economic condi tions.” Dividing Honor* on Parcel Post i “I rend in the newspapers of gratu lations and congratulations anent the inauguration of the parcel post, and they are all very, well, but I myself wish to say a word in praise of P. V. De Graw, Fourth Assistant Postmaster,” said Percy Clark. "In 1885, when I went to Washing to %s a correspondent *P. V.,' as he was known on the ‘Rotten Row’ of news paper life in Washington, was the head of the United Press, a rival news ser vice of tlie Associated Press. He was one of the very best of fellows, and a gentleman every inch of him. Perry Heath, prominent in politics and New York banking circles, was one of the ‘U. IV reporters. Well, we used to din cuss government ownership of the telegraph in connection with the post office department. I always Insisted that along with it should go the parcel post business, but that was considered a far-off* dream as to prospects, be cause of the railroad and express tn fleuences in the halls of Congress. Not | so as to the telegraph company, for even so able and far-sighted a public man as Senator Morgan in discussing the matter with* me stated it as his opinion that the Westerfl Union had watered its stock enormously in an ticipation of turning the business over to the government. “But to the parcel post and De GreW: When i took up the open advo cacy of the parcel post I come in touch with my erstwhile friend, who was especially In charge of all information on that subject. I feel sure he is en titled to much credit in popularizing the subject, and it certainly needed friends, for its opponents were well organized and had all the sinews of wai\ Yea more, tlipjr some times shot poisoned arrows from ambush In cir cular form. I was made to feel these, when in a candidacy of protest more than the hope of winning, I went over into my old district, the Fourth, and made a personal canvass against Wil liam B. Craig. I was the first man in Alabama who, upon the stump, and In public print, dared to boldly demand the parcel post: tills after warning from friends that I would be seriously handicapped. It was then that the Re tail Grocers' association issued a cir cular attacking me in my congressional race and painting ruin to the business interests. I rejoice and am exceed ingly glad, now we have it. I think Postmaster General Hitchcock has won. fame everlasting; I believe John War- j namaker deserves a large share of praise; I know ‘P. V.,’ my friend of other days, Is entitled to a part of the credit. “Next, I hope to see the government own a telegraph system in connection with the postoffice service—why not?” Feast €if the Epiphany In the liturgical churches today is known as the feast of the Epiphany. It | commemorates the manifestation of the Infant Jesus to the Magi. As the feast Comes 12 days after Christmas it 1* known as Twelfth Day. In some of the Latin countries Epip hany is celebrated with as much joy and gladness and is as generally ob served as Christmas day. It 4s called the ‘gentile Christmas. JEFFERSONIAN SIMPLICITY From the New York Sun. Some of our democratic friends are talking about Jeffersonian simplicity: some democratic statesmen are trying or are expected to practice it. The only genuine Jeffersonian simplcity is the belief, if anybody really cherishes It. that such a thing ever existed out side of the fairy tales of politics. Thomas JefCerson was one of the most accomplished men of his age, an athlete, a horseman, a shot, a dilettante, a violin ist, interested in a hundred arts and sciences and elegancies, from dancing and dining to agriculture, architecture and landscape gardening and forestry. He capered in nimbly with the girls in the governor's "palace" at Williamsburg. Aft erward he became familiar with the most polished society of Europe. In this age rho would be regarded as a plutocrat, an aristocrat, a "dude,” and lie probably couldn't be elected constable. Mr. Jefferson's great stroke In life, that fine art In which be was so successful, was his loving where there was property. He married a rich widow, without en cumbrances; in less than a year her father obligingly went oft the scene, leav ing some 40,000 acres of land and a lot of slaves. The horseback Inauguration legend has been "exposed” as many times as the green goods game. Let us be content to say that throughout such parts of these I'ill ted States as were settled in 1801 Jef ferson's accession was celebrated by more bands and marchings and celebrations end salvos and triumphal arches and general gilt, fuss and absurd parading legs—in proportion to population—than any other event before the visit of La fayette in 1824. There was no Jefferson ian simplicity among the Jeffersonians. It may be added for the reproof and ad monition of Jeffersonian statesmen that no people in the world is less fond of Jeffersonian simplicity than this nation of all races, no other people visible to the eye of heaven so dotes'on brilliant togs and frogs and titles, Is so pleased with a button, tickled with a plume. CURIOUS LEGACIES J*rom Tit-Bits. Ancient bequests for having bells rung and beacon* lighted for the purpose of Bidding travelers by night are quite nu merous, which Is hardly to be won dered at when one considers the apologies for roads and the absence of fences In tile "good old days.” A plot of land, rejoicing In the name of “I etticoat Hole,” Is held at Stoekton-on the-Forest, in Yorkshire, on condition ot providing a poor woman of the pla^e with a new petticoat once a year. In the old days, when rushes were strewn on the floor in lieu of rarpets, meny persons left bequests of money and land for providing rushes for the floors of churches. Their use, of course, has long been discontinued, says the Weekly Telegraph, but In certain places the church wardens attend to the preserva tion of their rights by cutting a little gras* each year and strewing It on the church floor. There may be seen on the benefaction table at Deptford church a record to the effect that "a person unknown gave half a quarter of wheat, to be given in bread on Good Friday, and half a load of rushes at Whitsuntide, and a load of peastraw at Christmas yearly, for the use of the church.” This bequest has since been put upon a strictly money basis, an offer of 21s per annum being accepted In 1721 In the place Of the straw and rushes, and 10b in 1744 In lieu of the wheat. Dut perhaps one of the most eccentric bequests was that of a certain John Riiuge, of Trysull, Staffordshire, who left a pound a year for a poor man to go round the parish church while the ser mon was being preached, awakening the slumberers. and incidentally to eject any struy dogs that might Invade the sacred premises! HIS TEMPERANCE SERMON From the Chicago Inter-Oceait. The temperance reformer was justly proud of having converted the biggest drunkard In a little Scotch town, and Induced him—he was the local grave digger—to get on the platform and spout his experiences. “My friends.” he said, ” I never, never thocht to stand upon this platform with the provost on one side of me and the toon clerk on the ither bide ot me. I never thocht to tell ye that for a whole month I haven't touched a drap of anything. I've saved enough to buy me a braw oak coffin wi' brass handles and brass nails—an<J if I'm a teetotaler for anlther month I shall be waulin' it!’* 4 A TELEPHONE NUMBER BY BILL VISES WASHINGTON, January ^-(Spe cial.)—Oscar Underwood, chair man of the ways and means | committee, and floor leader of the majori ty, cabinet possibility, and recent candi date for the presidential nomination of the democratic party, and one of the most popular men in public life with the news paper fraternity, has moved into his new home at 2000 G street. Thereby hangs a talc. The tale is entitled, “The Mystery of the Missing Telephone Number." The other day I had occasion to talk with the democratic leader; he could not be located at his office or his club, there fore I assumed that be wafi at home. He frequently goes home—thus demonstrating what his friends have often claimed for him, that he Ls entirely different from other statesmen. 1 concluded that I would call him up on the phone and have a lit tle friendly chat. I often do that way with the biggest men up here, just to keep them in a good bumor and to continue them under the impression that I do not consider myself better than they are. Hut I could not find Mr. Underwood's name in the directory. I did not consider this strange, however, inasmuch as he had just moved into his new home, or per haps, I thought, he lias not paid his last month's bill. But I called for informa tion, and asked her if Mr. Underwood had a telephone. She said that he did. Give me the number, said I. "Not much,’’ says she, "Mr. Underwood has a private pl’.one, and under no circumstances are we to divulge the number." "Young lady," I says, assuming as much dignity as possible over a telephone, "you are now talking to one of Mr. Under wood's closest friends and confidential ad visers; I demand that telephone number." "Gitoffthewlreand—fadeaway,” she says. "Thatswhattheyallsay.” I did so. There is no use trying to argue with a peevish young woman, who is a total stranger, and who has her mouth full of chewing gum and harsh language, over a tele phone. I can talk engagingly to a young lady when I can look her in the eye and quell her with my personal magnetism, but I am not fluent enough in my native tongue to bold my own with the average telephone operator at long distance. I recognise my inefficiency along this line arid cheerfully admit it. Besides that, I live at 1823 G street my self. That is one reason Mr. Underwood bought the house at 2000 G. Just as soon as he heard that X lived at 1823, Mr. Un- i derwood closed the trade. Some facetious person remarked that Mr. Underwood thought that I would move to some other distant part of the city just as soon as my rent fell due, but that Is not true. 1 pay my rent in advance, the landlady makes it an object for me to do so. So livTng so close to Mr. Underwood, I sim ply called at tils house to see him. Mr. Underwood said that he would give mo the telephone number, of course, pro vided that I would not divulge it to other newspaper men; he said, however, that it would only embarrass me, for I woi^d either have to say that I had it but could not give It, or deny having It at all. Knowing me so well, he said that he was satisfied that the latter was impossible. 1 could not deny having the number; my conscience would not permit me stating a falsehood. Mr. Underwood is certainly a great reader of character; he Is also a great jollier. i I tolrl Mr. Underwood that he did ine a great Injustice. That I had associated so long with members of Congress that 1 had learned to chloroform my conscience into abject submission. I told him It was a little difficult at first, but now that it came perfectly natural. Mr. Underwood said that he didn't mind being called up over the phone, but he said the newspaper men during the tariff hearings, if they had his telephone num ber. would hardly give him time to eat. He said that It Was very pleasant to stand on one foot with a rubber tube at one's ear and listen to the well modulated voices of 75 newspaper men while his mince pie Was getting cold, but his system wouldn't stand the strain. So X had to admit de feat; he out-talked me. I dislike very much for a congressman to get the best of me in an argument. Now there is a conspiracy afoot. Mrs. Ui-.derwood of course knows the tele phene number. Mrs. Underwood hafc many lady friends in Washington to whom site will confide that nurrvper. The lady friends will call Mrs, Underwood up over the phone. Some mere man will overhear one of them doing so, when that happens In Jurt about three hours every newspaper mar: In .Washington will have that mys terious telephone number down in his memorandum book, and the only way the genial demouratic leader will get a whack at that mince pfe will he to cut the wires. 7 on can’t down the newspaper men or keep anything from them. It Is as hard a job as keeping order in the House of Representatives. FEATS OF SLEEPWALKERS. From Tit-Bits. WE are all more or less familiar, said a well known brain special ist, with the ordinary cases of sieep walking, which are probably as old as humanity itself. But the startling forms it has taken in recent years are as little known to the public at large as they are mysterious and uncanny, even to men like myself whose business it is to study the vagaries of the brain. These new and amazing manifestations of somnambulism are probably the result of the severe strain put on the brain by the almost ceaseless high pressure at which it has to work; hut, whatever the cause, it is a fact that there are hundreds of people today who often do in their sleep, while absolutely unconscious, ail and even more than they can do when awake. Only last week a lady came to consult me about her son, whose doings were causing her great alarm. He is a young j painter of considerable promise, and is engaged on a picture for next year's acad emy. Night after night, his mother told , me, he would leave his bed, dress, go to bis studio, and paint away at his canvas i for hours at a time, and every morning he would be amazed at the progress of his picture and the good work that had mysteriously been put into it. He had no recollection whatever of having done the work himself, and refused to believe his mother when at last she ventured to tell him the truth. In another case a lady artist of my ac quaintance had been commissioned to; paint a portrait of herself for one of her | patrons, but the result was so disappoint- ' ing that she was driven to the verge of j despair. One night she left her bed, put , on her dressing gown, and, taking a mir- I ror with her, went to her studio, w’here she w’orked with feverish haste for some hours. Her husband, awaking, missed her, and, going in search t>f her, found her in the studio, but was afraid to wake her. The following morning the lady was j considerably astonished to find her task completed with a skill which she had never attained before. She had. as she said, when her husband told her the truth, painted far better ip her sleep than awake! * Almost more remarkable is another rase which was brought to my notice last year. An author had been requested to write an article on a very difficult subject. He tried again and again, and each time with such poor results that he flung his manuscript on the Are. At last he was obliged to confess to die editor that the task was beyond him. A few days later he was amazed to re ceive a note from the editor thanking him, in most complimentary terms, for the very article he had been unable to write! Naturally, he thought the editor was “pulling his leg.” But no such thing. On going to the office the mysterious article was produced, In his own handwriting, and, as he confessed, it was quite the best piece ot’ work he had ever done. He had no recollection whatever of having written it. and there is no doubt that he must not only have written it, but posted it in his sleep. Not long ago I had a patient to whom such a feat as this would have seemed commonplace. He was a clever composer, and he told me that for years most of his work had been done in his sleep; so much so that he rarely ever tried to work dur ing his waking hours. Morning after morning, he said, he opened his eyes to see. on the table by his bedside, pages of music which he had composed during the night, and not a note of which he re membered writing. If he w ished to com pose a song he would stigly the words carefully, and commit them to memory just before retiring; and almost invariably the finished composition w*as there to greet him when he awoke. This man was highly neurotic, abnormal in many ways, and I was not at all surprised when at last his brain gave way alto gether. But there are many quite sane, even prosaic, people who have this mysterious gift of unconscious brain work. There is (l fancy he is still alive) a vicar in the Midlands, who would frequently rise In the middle of the night and sit down to write a sermon. When his work was finished, he would put on his vestments, mount a chair, and deliver ^us homily, ■ with appropriate intonation and gesture, just M U tot Fere in the pulpit. ThM he could not see his manuscript was obvious; Tor once, when some blank pages were put into his hand in place of his manu script, he declaimed his sermon word for word just the same—and this, although his memory was so poor that he Invari ably read his sermons In church. A similar case is that of a rising young ■ barrister, who, after reading his briefs for the next day, w’ould retire to bed, and would get up In the middle of the night, open his cases, and examine and cross examine imaginary witnesses, exactly as if ho were In court. And so rernaliable was bis anticipation of the actual trial, that his cross examination in court was— so a friend assured me—almost literally wc'rd .for word the same. Another one time patient of mine,, who was a tine chess player, used to leave his bed in tiie night and solve problems with ease which had completely baffled him when awake, and still another, a clever billiard player, used to .“pend hours during the night practicing difficult shots, and, as his wife told me, played tar more bril liantly when asleep than at any other time, thus proving that, although abso lutely unconscious of anything around him, he must have seen the balls perfect ly well. Hut the most remarkable case of literal ly hundreds that have come within my own observation is that of a man who can do and does anything when asleep that a waking man can do. Not long ago tills Ilian was staying with a friend in the country, and. not feeling well, retired to bed before his host and fellow guests. About an hour later he came downstairs Into the smoking room, to all appearance as wideawake as any of the others, mixed himself a whisky and soda, lit a cigar and joined in the general conversation. / He talked quite brilliantly, argued 0J1 a wide range of subjects, from home rulfe to theology, and at last went off to bed t with the rest. When at breakfast the next morning, he was reminded of some rather startling statement he had made the night before, he declared he had no recollection whatever of the circumstance, and that he had not even been in the smoking room at the time. He remem bered going to bed early, and nothing more until he awoke that morning. He had been asleep the whole time! MONTAIGNE ox KISSING From the London Chronicle. The kissing habits of his time did not please Montaigne: "It is the dear price makes viands savor the better," ' he wrote. "See how the form of salu-l tation doth by its facility bastardize the' grace of kisses. It is an unpleasant and injurious custom unto ladies that they must afford their lips to any man that hath but three lackles following him, however loathsome he be. Nor do wo ourselves gain much by it, for as the world Is divided into four parts, so for four fair ones we may kiss 60 foul, and to a nice and delicate stomacli one ill kiss doth surplus one good." BUTTERFLIES By Harlowe Randall Hoyt. Butterflies, golden, and red, and browu, Dancing delirious to and fro. Light as tlte ghost of a thistle down. Where do you come from? Where do you go? ^ Flitting your fairy minuette, Silent as sunbeams you seem to be, Catching their gossamere gleams; and yet You ure the spirit of melody. Back through the dark of the ages fled, When the world was young in it* coat of green, Bearded Pan raised his shaggy head By the reedy marshes of Thrasymene; And lie seized his pipes, for ills heart was rife With the thrill that pulsed through each leaf and tree. And he piped of Spring and the Joy of life Till the forest echoed his melody. And the cjoiel people flocked forth to, hear: Dryad and nymph, from wood and stream; Satyr, and faun, and the timid deer. Harking with velvet eyea agleam. As if twere the ghost of the tune, in deed. Each liquid note, as it raised on high, Sprang from the end of the brown, dead, reed. Into a fluttering butterfly. No more they listen to shaggy Pari, Piping his lilt by the water there; Ages ago they fled the van Of mortals, freightened with woe and, Ca re. But still from the reeds of the riverside. When the winds are whispering fau* cies free. Butterflies, fluttering far and wide. Spring from tho magic melody.