THE AGE-HERALD K. W. BARRETT.Editor Entered at the Birmingham, Ala., postoffice as second class matter under act of Congress March 3, isT'J. Daily and Sunday Age-Herald.... $8.00 Daily and Sunday, per month.TO Daily and Sunday, three months.. 2.00 Sunday Age-Herald . 2 00 .Weekly Age-HeraUl, per annum.. • Subscription payable in advance. Z. E. Morgan and W. G. Wharton are the only authorized traveling repre sentatives of The Age-Herald in its circulate n department. No communication will be published without its authors namp. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose. Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address, the age-herald, Birmingham, Ala. Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build ing. European bureau, fi Henrietta street, Covent Garden, London. Eastern business office, Rooms 4^ to BO, inclusive, Tribune building, New York city; western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The S. <\ Beckwith Special Agency, agents for eign advertising. TELEPHONES Bell lprivate exeliange connecting ill! departments), No. 4IHMI. jTfll sorrow'll tooth doth never rnuklc more, Than when it bit**, hut laneetli not the *ore. — Kina Richard II. Outgoing and Incoming Packages From the various reports of busi ness handled by parcel post the im pression is gathered that Birming ham is backward in taking advantage of the new system. More parcels are coming in than are going out, and in neither is the city resorting to the new convenience as other cities of ap proximate size are doing. In the first two weeks of January 11,632 parcels were brought into the city, while 9450 were sent out of it. The tide is against us. The merchants and manufacturers of this city should strive to build up a rural and suburban trade. All in the 150-mile zone should be asked to buy goods here, and if a general effort were made by our.merehants the out going packages could be made to out number the incoming packages. Week ly reports of the package handling by the postoffice will be published, and the Birmingham merchants should cover both the 50-mile and the 150 mile zone with advertising matter. Other cities are doing this, and our merchants should sit up and take notice._ Sixtoen-Ounce Bread An old municipal law calls for loaves of bread that weigh 16 ounces. This law has not been enforced, and loaves of various weights were turned out from the city bakeries. Some weighed as low as 13 ounces, and yet all were soW by the bakers at 4 cents each, and by the retailer at 5 cents. The loss fell on the consumer who was helpless I in the transaction. He had to have bread, and when he bought a loaf he had no means as a rule of ascertain ing what he got for his money. This will not be the case hereafter. All loaves will contain 16 ounces, leav ing the bakers and retail dealers to determine the price of the loaf. Even if the price of a loaf be increased to 6 cents it is better to have full weight loaves only. The commission is acting for the good of the greatest number when it decrees that loaves of 16 ounces only be sold in this city. The consumer can then protect himself. The 16-ounce loaf should become a fixture in this city. It should be un deviatingly upheld until the people have confidence in it. Norwood Viaduct There is hope of relief. A contract l»as been let for the construction of a viaduct on Twelfth avenue and Twenty-seventh street over three rail roads. It is to be a structure of con crete reinforced with steel—a struc ture that should be standing one hun dred years hence. The building of this viaduct means ' that grade crossings in other sections can be overcome if the city commis sioners will persist strenuously that they shall be. No railroad builds a viaduct or subway voluntarily. All must be pushed into making such changes, and the pushing required generally must be firm and forceful. The railroads take advantage of all possible delays, but the commission plan of government is highly central ized, and it can act speedily and efficiently. This is what should be done in relation to the viaduct which is sadly needed by 20,000 people pn First avenue at the Sloss furnacts. That crossing can be rendered safe by means of a long viaduct, and the soon er it is started the sooner will safety come to all the people living in the easterly end of the city. Mr. Burnett's Immigration Bill The conference committee of the two houses has substantially accepted the chief features of Mr. Burnett’s bill and it will no doubt become law. First of all, the literacy test is retained to the extent of requiring each immi grant to be able to read his own i^nguage, and the only exceptions are vivee. widows, and single daughters. The writing test has been stricken out, leaving the reading test to keep away the illiterate. Newly arrived im migrants are to pay a head tax of $5, and steamships bringing in insane persons are to be penalized. The entire bill looks to restriction of immigration, and the reading test will certainly shut out a good many who would become worthy citizens. ■Still it is not altogether an unreason able condition and Congress is plain ly inclined to keep out the ignorant, although in so doing it will not keep out the anarchists and black handers. All such people read and write. Mr. Burnett has studied the immi gration problem carefully and he fa vors a literacy test. The Birmingham district needs more miners and coke oven workers, and it will need many more when the convicts are taken out of the mines. The reading test will keep out a good many and in that re spect it will prove an obstacle in this district. __ Proposed Farm Conference One hundred farmers in Jefferson county are to be invited to confer with the Chamber of Commerce with a view to ascertaining how the latter can serve the farmer. The date of the farm conference movement has not been set, but if 100 farmers from this county can be assembled it will cer tainly prove to be an interesting meeting. The parcel post will certainly be discussed, and its advantages and dis advantages will be pointed out. In stead of 100 farmers 500 should be asked to be present. They should be asked to tell w'hat they know about the new postal system. If it needs amendment, the needful changes should be pointed out. The proposed special farm confer ence can be made very useful by se curing the possible attendance of farmers. Jefferson is a big county, and there are thousands of farmers in it. Crops are soon to be pitched, and the crops of 1913 should be planted with an eye to the utilization of the parcel post. __ The Iron Market While the pig iron market is char acterized by some inertia, prices re main firm. The fact is that we are not far enough along in the new year to expect any great degree of brisk ness. Consumers are not overstocked. On the other hand melters, large and small, have been using up rapidly the pig metal they bought last year. There is a steady demand for finished ma terial and a large buying movement in the iron market will probably be in evidence again by or before the first of February. “I have come back,” said Judge Arch bald, “to my home town to begin again the practice of law. 1 shall open an of fice just as soon as I can make the ar rangements, and at the age of 08 I shall begin life over again, conscious still that L have done no wrong in all my judicial career.” This was the language of ex Judge Robert W. Archbald to the news paper men of Scranton, Pa. The amendment providing for the direct election of senators is supported by men in all parties. In the North Carolina senate it was passed unanimously, and in the lower house of the New York legisla ture the vote was 128 to 4. In the Ohio house the resolution was passed by 115 year, no nays. The vote in the New Yorl senate was 43 to 4. It is going, though, with bells on. Ir. delivering the electoral vote Messen ger McCabe of Rhode Island was the winner. He delivered that state's vote jusi one minute before Messenger London of North Carolina appeared at the door of the vice president's chamber at the capitol. London had been detained by the lateness of a train. The House and Sen ate meet on February 12 to canvass the vote. Congressman Weeks of Massachusetts was elected United States senator, and a movement has been started to elect Samuel W. McCall to Mr. Weeks’ seat in the House. Mr. McCall was an unsuc cess! ul candidate for senator. Mr. Mc Call does not live in the Weeks district, but that fact is not considered controlling in Massaciiusets. Governor-elect Dunne of Illinois went into a fashionable restaurant the other day w her* he found that coffee was 33 cents a cup. He immediately got up and walked out. A sensible thing to do. He did not abuse the waiters or argue with the proprietor. He got up and walked out, sotting a good example to otiiers. The private secretary of H. H. Rogers, a woman, has gone to Halifax, and she is wholly willing that the secret service men who are looking for her shall do tne same. The Czarina is expecting a visit of the stork In the spring. 8he*flt the mother I of four girls, and the czarevitch, who was I born in 1904. The oldest girl is 18 years j old. The French vintage of 191- was unus ually abundant, but this will have no per ceptible effect on the cost of living to th 2 rank and file in this country. William Jennings Bryan has purchased several acres fronting on Biscayne bay at Miami, Fla., and he will shortly begirt^ the erection of a fine winter home. Turkey has but one choice—she must either give up the ghost or Adrtanople. She must make a choice. The Irish home rule bUl can he de layed by the house of lords until April, 1JH, and no later. Pretty soon Mr. Taft will slide gently int i that big bathtub that awraits in a j lu.tel In New Haven, and then he will be j in position to defy all critics. There are whole parishes in England that have not a single bathtub. So it seems that some Englishmen do get along without a morning “bawth.” China is in the market for 50,000,000 suite of men’s clothes at $5 a suit. Every body seems • to want one of them In China. Mr. Munaey begins to feel like one who stands alone in a vast wilderness. His amalgamation scheme wasn't workable. Fcrty years ago Americans ate no ba nal.as; now they eat 44,000,000 bunches a > ear. Tastes do change occasionally. Furthest north met furthest south when Peary and Amundsen came together at the National Geographical society. * Colonel Roosevelt wants no holding | company to do the holding. He is»re&ay t) do it himself.. Have you secured your Flonzaley tiek |ets? The advance seat sale has been un~ usually large. Politics should be taught in thr i schools wrhile it is kept out of the school boards. The boy that got a sled for Christmas is now trying to trade It for a baseball bat. The Irish home rule bill may fill the house of lords with apoplectic cases. --— BANISHING “TOM JONES” [From the Chicago Post. London.—News dispatches told briefly a few days ago that Fielding’s “Tom Jones” had been barred as immoral from the Dorchester Corporation Free library. It seems that a member of the library committee found a book on a shelf one night and, knowing noth ing about it, took the volume home to i-ead. The next morning he appeared at a committee meeting in a white rage. Ho held the book at arm's length, and ris ing to a point of order he declared that "Tom Jones” was Immoral and a dis grace to the shelves of the Dorchester Corporation Free library. It was like a bombshell exploding in the placid little committee room. Three members woke up and thought the place was afire. Tw o essayed to speak • and could not. The chairman, a quiet old man with white hair, smiled. As for the moralist, he held up the of fending volume. “I had never read it until last night,” he said, "and, sirs, I could hardly hold myself as I read on and on. The book is a simple disgrace. I move you that our copy be destroyed!” The chairman asked for the book and glanced at the title page. He said that it was a Whiddon edition and that it had been printed in 1784. "It is very strange.” lie said, "that nobody has noticed this before. I re member that I read Tom Jones' when I was a boy and it thrilled me and made ! me laugh till I cried! Did you read it all?” lie asked the stout, red little man who had brought the book to their at tention. The latter had the grace to blush. “Every word," he testified. The chairman smiled a llow smile. “But why all of it?” he asked, “if it is so objectionable?” Instantly the stout little man puffed [up. “I wanted to see just how bad it was,” he declared, hotly. "Who else has read the book?” asked the chairman, looking around the com mittee table. There was no answer. It developed that none had, and when the stout lit tle man put the question, a resolution was passed which resulted in the de struction of “Tom Jones.” Tlie chairman shook his head. "I protest,” lie said, "but bow to the majority. In my mind the book is more valuable than history as a faithful picture of Fielding's times. England has been proud of Fielding and his works, and 1 am afraid thal our posi tion of criticising them at this time is a little dubious—not to say danger ous, or, better still, absurd!” WE TRY TO BE C'HEEIIFIL From Collier's Weekly. in a recent issue we published fin editorial called “Looking for Happi ness,” in which we commented on the furor created in a small New Jersey town by the resolution of a certain woman's club to cease its efforts in the pursuit of culture and turn its energies to civic ami moral housecleaning. We published ibis as an amusing example of the effect produced on a small con servative community by the introduc tion of any original idea however rational. We have received a very dig nified but very earnest protest from the president of the New Jersey State Federation of Women's clubs. She con siders that we have done the cause of progress an injustice by our “flippant” treatment of this particular incident. Luck of proper appreciation for the ef forts of women toward broader and more useful lives and of women's or ganizations toward greater civic use fulness is furtherest from our editorial mind. Collier’s has done in the past and will continue to do in the future all in its power to encourage and ap preciate the progressive woman. But we still reserve the privilege or seeing the humorous side of human nature wherever it manifests itself. WILES OF A STRANGER From the Cass County, Mo., News. A dark complexioned young man, who called himself a Cuban, but who looked more like a “chili eater,” was peddling what he called extra fine linens at re markably low prices one day last week. Several of Harrisonville’s population got hooked for some of his wares, and when the goods were.found to be nothing but cheap muslins the howl began. A mot*#* load of head hunters started out in quest^ of the aforesaid dark young man, stop ping at every dark corner and all of the hotels, likewise the depots. But there seemed to be nothing^doing, and it is sup posed that he simply melted into some of the deep shadows which he resembled so much and rtoatod to some greener fields. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR From the New York Press. Some things are more to be blushed at ■ in the thinking than in the saying. • There’s not enough money in the world to seem enough to a man if he had It all. Ii doesn’t take a woman very long to discover that if a man gives up a bad habit he abuses the family for it. Good judgment is refusing to do what ycut judgment decides you should not do. The'baby doesn’t yell any more than .t does because there aren't any more call ers than there are to be told it hardly ever Happens. • IN HOTEL LOBBIES Opening Southern Headquarter* Here Harry p. Harrison of Chicago, treas urer and general manager of the Red path Lyceum bureau, spent yesterday in Birmingham. "I am here for the purpose of estab lishing general southern headquarters,” said Mr. Harrison. “As all well informed persons know, the Redpath Lyceum bu reau is the largest and most important organization of its kind in America. “Birmingham is growing so fast and is getting to be such a prominent center that we decided now was a good time to se lect this place for our principal southern headquarters. Birmingham is the geo graphical huj? of the south, and it is sure to prove a satisfactory distributing point for the Redpath bureau. We will have our offices with the Cable-Shelby-Burton Piano company and will maintain a work ing force here all the year round. “Our headquarter cities are Boston, New York, Pittsburg, Chicago, Columbus,\0., Kansas City, Dallas, Tex., San Francisco, Seattle, Cedar Rapids, la.. Chatham, Can., and now Birmingham. “We will have a chatauqua week in Birmingham the latter part of May. R will include several fine concerts. Wc have, as is well known, many excellent musical features, including a ladies’ or chestra, the Mendelssohn male quartet, grand opera celebrities and Kryl and his band. Kryl will bring his band here in May and it is sure to prove a most popu lar attraction.” The Flonxaleyx and Their Programme “That is a beautiful programme which the Flonzaley quartet will pre sent at the Jefferson theatre Sunday afternoon—Haydn’s G major quartet, the andante cantabile writh variations from Beethoven’s A major quartet and Tschaikowsky's D major quartet,” re- , marked a prominent musician. "Everybody will be charmed I know with the Haydn number. All four move ments will be played which will give just the variety that the average au- j dlence appreciates. The Beethoven number is tender and deeply religious, j With the closing number, the Tschaikow sky, we will have interesting variety of the modern school. This work is full of beauty from beginning to end. j The andante is singularly tender and it is in such demand by concert au diences in large northern cities that it lias been arranged for the string sec tions of symphony orchestras and is be ing played this season frequently. “Some years ago concerts given on Sunday were styled ‘sacred’ when they had not so much as a hymn tune to suggest church music. Many of those so-called sacred concerts—the title was a cheap subterfuge—were made up largely of sentimental love songs, bril liant overtures and captivating waltzes. Occasionally a few' ‘gospel hymns’— musically frivolous and altogether lacking in real musicianship—were put on the programme as if to fool some body. The fact is real sacred music in the church sense such as masses, ora torios and cantatas are always by mas ter composers and those performed at festivals are severely classic—often much too classic for a miscellaneous audience. The programme to be per formed by the Flonzaleys on the other hand will appeal alike to musicians and to music lovers who are not especially educated in music. Haydn and Beeth •ven are classic, to be sure, but they ore never over the heads of popular audiences when the music is properly interpreted. And Tschaikowsky! Well, lie is popular with everyone who loves melody. Most of the programme is re ligious in a fine sense without any sub terfuge title. The programme is re ligious, I say, because it is spiritually elevating.” Itcgnrriing a Much I »cil Word “I have been wondering if w*e could not find a word to substitute for ‘con ference’ in the everyday business world,” said a pioneer upbuilder of the Birmingham district. • “It took me some time to get used to the word ‘plant’ in the sense of factory or a large industrial establish ment, but since 1 am used to it I be lieve it is a useful word, although the I purist might interdict it. Now, as for conference, when it was used only oc casionally by business men it was all right, but today if two men meet in a private room to talk over something or other they are holding a confer ence. 1 may be an old fogy but that word strikes me as being very much overdone.” President Poincare of France “The new President of France, Ray mond Poincare, has been for a long time in public life and is classed as a mod erate republican,’” said a professional, man. "The name has been frequently misspelled in the newspapers. 'In nearly all the papers that I have seen recently It has appeared as Poineaire. The last e of the name should be accented. It Js, therefore, pronounced not Poyncare as | the misspelling of the last syllable would make it but simply Poyncaray. •'Poincare was born in 1850. lie is a lawyer by profession and was first elect ed to the chamber of deputies in JS87. He has been minister of public instruction and minister of fiance and he has re cently been premier.” i Prominent Engineer Here E. T. D. Myers, Jr., of Richmond is registered at the Hillman. He is a con of the late Maj. E. T. D. Myers, who was president of the Richmond, Fred ericksburg and Potomac railroad, a link in the Atlantic Coast Line route. Jn speaking of the. visit of Mr. Myers, Jr., an old member of Birmingham's Vir ginia colony said: “Major Myers was a great engineer and a most successful rail road man. He belonged to that coterie of engineers that was exceptionally dis tinguished. Those whose homes were in Richmond were friends of mine—Major Whitcomb, under whom Major E. M. Tul wiler served on the Chesapeake and Ohio as assistant chief engineer of construc tion; Major Temple, Colonel Douglass. Colonel Talcott, Colonel Cutshaw and Ma jor Myers. They all had good records in Lee's splendid Army of Northern Virginia. The only one of them now living is Colonel Talcott, who is still active in the railroad world. “Mr. Myers, Jr., whom I was glad to meet at the Southern club, is, like his lamented father, a civil engineer and a very successful one. He is, like Ills faiher, too. a good business mq.n. He has j had large business experience and is now prominent In Richmond as a consulting engineer and contractor." The Iron Market The local iron market has been quiet this week. Matthew Addy & Co.'s Cin cinnati report says in part: "As the month progresses it is marked by a large and more general demand. There are at the present time inquiries in the market for many ibousands of tons. On the part of a number of the heavy consumers there is an effort to batter down the price. In fact the market both north and south lias been vigorously assaulted, ! but it has so far stood the test, and | prices show no sign of yielding. The main feature of the current situation is the large booking of iron for pipe making. As has been the case now j for many months, consumers are find ing difficulty in getting shipments fast enough to meet their requirments. “The demand for finished material is phenomenal. Mills are now filling up on specifications for the third quarter. Car shops are practically filled up for all of this year. Ifc. would seem that un less the heavens fall, we were sure of a tremendous consumption all through 1913.” C AST-OFF FALSE TEETH From the Chicago Tribune. What is the most worthless thing in the world? You'll probably say a bonehead. or a too mature egg, or a bagpipe soloist, or a wornout safety razor blade, or a set of second hand false teeth—but here you would be mistaken. You can’t give away a boneheacl-—it gives itself away; you can't give, sell or force upon one an over-ripe egg—unless : j our aim is both high and good; you j can’t understand what lapse of failure w.is responsible for the birth of the bag pipe soloist; Dr. Cook is suspected of hav ing dropped five old safety razor blades on the top of Mt. McKinley—for thus only could he get rid of them; but a second hand set of false teeth—that’s something else again. They are valuable. They can be sold. Yes, actually, there is a firm in Oxford street, London, which makes a business o? buying well worn sets of false 'eeth. Those pearly teeth that you admired in the theatre last night even now may be on their wajr to Oxford street, for the chorus girls also have their times of financial depression. Says, the villain iri the play, “Letitia Dt*Donne, I have you in my power. You have hocked your last limousine and have nought to hock or the wherewith to pay my mortgage. The old plantation will be mine. Ha! and again, ha’ Jia!” ** Tis false!” cried Letty, drawing out her peariy teeth from between ruby red lips. “I still have these and I will sell them and pay the mortgage. The old place shall not pass from the hands- of tie DeLormes while I have teeth to sell.” And what does this firm do with them when they get them? There’s the secret. They don’t tell. THE OLD-TIME BLUNDERBUSS “The Nobility of the Trades—fire Arms” —Charles Winslow Hall, in National -Mag azine for January. A very peculiar weapon, but largely in use during the Seventeenth and Eigh teenth centuries, was the bluderbuss whose bore, quite moderate in size at the breech, steadily widened until at the muz zle it became a round or oval bell, of ft om over an inch to four inches in diam eter. The smaller sizes were usually kept in country mansions and farmhouses for defense, many were carried by the guards of mail coaches, in the days when highwaymen made traveling much more exciting and perilous than now; and the larger sizes, loaded with a mixed cargo of bullets, nails, slugs and other notions were mounted with swivels on armed slops to discourage the. attempts of un welcome “boarders" who might Rttempt to secure a free passage and eatables oy armed force. Indeed many very handsome and costly ones were made after the percussion lock was Introduced, and were considered a not unsuitable testimonial for the captain of an armed vessel. Oth ers. very short in the barrel, were made for horsemen’s use, and largely carried In northern Africa. HKD KITTED AT A SHOW Fiom the Ixtndon Mail. "Have you seen the red kitten?" was the questloh every other person was ask ing at the show of the National Cat club at the Crystal palace. The red kitten, which belongs to Mrs. H. Cook, and was Judged the best cat In the show, may be described as the ideal eat at which the fanciers have been aiming for years. Louis Wain, who was judging, has never seen its equal. Its reoness is not marred by one speck or suspicion of white. Its eyes are alter nate circles of light red and dark red, just as its coat is alternate streaks of t ,e two shades. "Never before at any show." said Mr. Wain, "have we seen such a perfection of shading os a number of the cats ex hibit. So delicate are they that they can only be judged by pure daylight." The cult of the cat is growing. Never have exhibitors gone to such extremes in tricks of exhibition. One sent along wilh the cat a tadpole in a bottle, because the curious object excited the cat's at tention and inspired that spry air which is supposed to arrest the judge's at tention. ORIGIN OF WORD* From the Chicago Journal. Word building i* as much a piece of carpentry as is house building. Only it takes longer. Sometimes a century or more. And by that time the word's first meaning is usually changed. For example, the old word for "neigh bor” was "sib." One's good neighbor wua known as one’s "good sib." This became shortened to “godsib," and later to "gossip.” Then the word’s whole meaning changed and gossip no longer meant good neighbor, but applied to the sort of talk exchanged between good neighbors. Take the word "farmer," too. The old word for "farmer” was "boor." (And "boor" later was used for describing farmerlike or rough persons.) The farm er living nearest to one was known as the "nighboor," and this phrase, in course of time, was twisted to "neighbor." You've heard the proverb: ^Little i iteh ers have big ears." Well, it doesn t refer to the utensil that holds water or goes to ti e corner side door. "Pitcher" was a slang term with some such meaning as our word "chap" or "fellow. ‘ Thus, "kittle fellows have big ears" is a more sensible rendering of the proverb. THE CONVICT PROBLEM From the^iavannah Press. The next session of the Alabama legis lature may be called upon to deal with the convict lease question. The Bir mingham Age-Herald points out that when convicts are put into the mines and tr.cght to dig coal they almost Invariably remain In the mine district after their re lease and do not scatter over the state. This indicates that there is a very large per cent of the ex-convicts of tile state in (lie Birmingham district. Against such conditions The Age-Herald takes a de termined stand and finds the remedy for them in the adoption of the Georgia plan of working the convicts on the roads, ap portioning them among the counties. There have been criticisms of the Georgia plan, but they have been confined chiefly tr the north, where the penitentiary sys tem is In vogue arid where the winters are lont. and severe. The southern states are [more and more coming to the belief that I the working of convicts on the public roads is the very best system after all. ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES MATILDA'S PROGRESS. Matilda Brown Is wondrous fair; No other girl, Methinks, can wear Her clothes with such Alluring grace, And joyous I Her movements trace To candy stores, To bargain sales And picture shows Where mirth prevails; And matinees And bauble shops, Where with a wistful Eye she stops. And places where Her picture's ta en, And then the round Of shops again, I Until, deprived Of strength to roam, m She turns her dainty Footsteps home. AN ARDUOUS RODE. “Duckfitz was a boarding house humor ist for a long time, but he finally had to retire in favor of a younger man.” “What was the cause?” “Well, when he was 21 Duckfitz found no difficulty in playing the part, but when he began to get along in years he felt it was impossible to scintillate at breakfast, he was compelled to dodge lunch and only by the greatest effort could he provide a bit of repartee for dinner.” A WALL FLOWER. A pretty girl was Daisy Hall. But would not do the turkey trot, And so she sat beside the wall, By every dancing man forgot. A TRAGEDY REPEATED. According to a dispatch from Amesbury, Mass., Mrs. Alphonse Vlctorine concealed herself in a trunk when she heard her ht'Eband enter the house, hoping to sur prise him by suddenly jumping out when he had begun to worry about her absence. The trunk locked automatically and not being able to make an outcry, Mrs. Vic torine lost her life. A similar tragedy has been immortalized in literature. Long ago, the poet tells us. at the gayest moment of the wedding revels In a medieval castle, the bonny br’dc skipped away from the bahqdet table, after playfully biting the finger of the bridegroom, and disappeared as com pletely as if the earth had swallowed het up. High and low the frantic members of her fnmily searched for the missing girl, but no trace of her could be found. Despair settled down upon them at last, never to be lifted again. The lover roamed afar and gave up his life in the wars, glad to find release from his sor row. The father, a broken-hearted old men, wandered about his estates, still ..L_ -— , cherishing the memory of the fair uaugh ter he had so strangely lost. Year* passed and one day an old chest In the castle was opened. Inside was found a mouldering skeleton. Some bits of oridal finery and certain jewels proved that the skeleton was that of the long lost ) Qinevra, who had jumped into the chest to hide from her husband, think ing he would soon come to look for her. A spring lock had trapped the unfortunate girl and she was suffocated. HIS PIPE WENT OUT. I hope you'll ’scuse my tears today And eke my dismal look of woe: Poor Feathertop's true love’s dismay I saw last night at a picture show. WONDER IF THE PLUG IS MISSING. T he Missouri town that was presented with a bathtub- as a souvenir of tlie Maine, may‘ be able to use it as a coal bunker or a horse trough. To save the i'fi of us, we