THE AGE-HERALD
K. W. BARRETT.Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, isT'J.
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TELEPHONES
Bell lprivate exeliange connecting ill!
departments), No. 4IHMI.
jTfll sorrow'll tooth doth never rnuklc
more,
Than when it bit**, hut laneetli not the
*ore. — Kina Richard II.
Outgoing and Incoming Packages
From the various reports of busi
ness handled by parcel post the im
pression is gathered that Birming
ham is backward in taking advantage
of the new system. More parcels are
coming in than are going out, and in
neither is the city resorting to the
new convenience as other cities of ap
proximate size are doing. In the first
two weeks of January 11,632 parcels
were brought into the city, while
9450 were sent out of it. The tide is
against us.
The merchants and manufacturers
of this city should strive to build up
a rural and suburban trade. All in the
150-mile zone should be asked to buy
goods here, and if a general effort
were made by our.merehants the out
going packages could be made to out
number the incoming packages. Week
ly reports of the package handling by
the postoffice will be published, and
the Birmingham merchants should
cover both the 50-mile and the 150
mile zone with advertising matter.
Other cities are doing this, and our
merchants should sit up and take
notice._
Sixtoen-Ounce Bread
An old municipal law calls for loaves
of bread that weigh 16 ounces. This
law has not been enforced, and loaves
of various weights were turned out
from the city bakeries. Some weighed
as low as 13 ounces, and yet all were
soW by the bakers at 4 cents each, and
by the retailer at 5 cents. The loss
fell on the consumer who was helpless
I in the transaction. He had to have
bread, and when he bought a loaf he
had no means as a rule of ascertain
ing what he got for his money.
This will not be the case hereafter.
All loaves will contain 16 ounces, leav
ing the bakers and retail dealers to
determine the price of the loaf. Even
if the price of a loaf be increased to
6 cents it is better to have full weight
loaves only. The commission is acting
for the good of the greatest number
when it decrees that loaves of 16
ounces only be sold in this city. The
consumer can then protect himself.
The 16-ounce loaf should become a
fixture in this city. It should be un
deviatingly upheld until the people
have confidence in it.
Norwood Viaduct
There is hope of relief. A contract
l»as been let for the construction of
a viaduct on Twelfth avenue and
Twenty-seventh street over three rail
roads. It is to be a structure of con
crete reinforced with steel—a struc
ture that should be standing one hun
dred years hence.
The building of this viaduct means
' that grade crossings in other sections
can be overcome if the city commis
sioners will persist strenuously that
they shall be. No railroad builds a
viaduct or subway voluntarily. All
must be pushed into making such
changes, and the pushing required
generally must be firm and forceful.
The railroads take advantage of all
possible delays, but the commission
plan of government is highly central
ized, and it can act speedily and
efficiently. This is what should be
done in relation to the viaduct which
is sadly needed by 20,000 people pn
First avenue at the Sloss furnacts.
That crossing can be rendered safe by
means of a long viaduct, and the soon
er it is started the sooner will safety
come to all the people living in the
easterly end of the city.
Mr. Burnett's Immigration Bill
The conference committee of the
two houses has substantially accepted
the chief features of Mr. Burnett’s bill
and it will no doubt become law. First
of all, the literacy test is retained to
the extent of requiring each immi
grant to be able to read his own
i^nguage, and the only exceptions are
vivee. widows, and single daughters.
The writing test has been stricken
out, leaving the reading test to keep
away the illiterate. Newly arrived im
migrants are to pay a head tax of
$5, and steamships bringing in insane
persons are to be penalized.
The entire bill looks to restriction
of immigration, and the reading test
will certainly shut out a good many
who would become worthy citizens.
■Still it is not altogether an unreason
able condition and Congress is plain
ly inclined to keep out the ignorant,
although in so doing it will not keep
out the anarchists and black handers.
All such people read and write.
Mr. Burnett has studied the immi
gration problem carefully and he fa
vors a literacy test. The Birmingham
district needs more miners and coke
oven workers, and it will need many
more when the convicts are taken out
of the mines. The reading test will
keep out a good many and in that re
spect it will prove an obstacle in this
district. __
Proposed Farm Conference
One hundred farmers in Jefferson
county are to be invited to confer
with the Chamber of Commerce with a
view to ascertaining how the latter
can serve the farmer. The date of the
farm conference movement has not
been set, but if 100 farmers from this
county can be assembled it will cer
tainly prove to be an interesting
meeting.
The parcel post will certainly be
discussed, and its advantages and dis
advantages will be pointed out. In
stead of 100 farmers 500 should be
asked to be present. They should be
asked to tell w'hat they know about
the new postal system. If it needs
amendment, the needful changes
should be pointed out.
The proposed special farm confer
ence can be made very useful by se
curing the possible attendance of
farmers. Jefferson is a big county, and
there are thousands of farmers in it.
Crops are soon to be pitched, and the
crops of 1913 should be planted with
an eye to the utilization of the parcel
post. __
The Iron Market
While the pig iron market is char
acterized by some inertia, prices re
main firm. The fact is that we are
not far enough along in the new year
to expect any great degree of brisk
ness.
Consumers are not overstocked. On
the other hand melters, large and
small, have been using up rapidly the
pig metal they bought last year. There
is a steady demand for finished ma
terial and a large buying movement in
the iron market will probably be in
evidence again by or before the first
of February.
“I have come back,” said Judge Arch
bald, “to my home town to begin again
the practice of law. 1 shall open an of
fice just as soon as I can make the ar
rangements, and at the age of 08 I shall
begin life over again, conscious still that
L have done no wrong in all my judicial
career.” This was the language of ex
Judge Robert W. Archbald to the news
paper men of Scranton, Pa.
The amendment providing for the direct
election of senators is supported by men
in all parties. In the North Carolina
senate it was passed unanimously, and in
the lower house of the New York legisla
ture the vote was 128 to 4. In the Ohio
house the resolution was passed by 115
year, no nays. The vote in the New
Yorl senate was 43 to 4. It is going,
though, with bells on.
Ir. delivering the electoral vote Messen
ger McCabe of Rhode Island was the
winner. He delivered that state's vote
jusi one minute before Messenger London
of North Carolina appeared at the door
of the vice president's chamber at the
capitol. London had been detained by the
lateness of a train. The House and Sen
ate meet on February 12 to canvass the
vote.
Congressman Weeks of Massachusetts
was elected United States senator, and
a movement has been started to elect
Samuel W. McCall to Mr. Weeks’ seat in
the House. Mr. McCall was an unsuc
cess! ul candidate for senator. Mr. Mc
Call does not live in the Weeks district,
but that fact is not considered controlling
in Massaciiusets.
Governor-elect Dunne of Illinois went
into a fashionable restaurant the other
day w her* he found that coffee was 33
cents a cup. He immediately got up and
walked out. A sensible thing to do. He
did not abuse the waiters or argue with
the proprietor. He got up and walked
out, sotting a good example to otiiers.
The private secretary of H. H. Rogers,
a woman, has gone to Halifax, and she
is wholly willing that the secret service
men who are looking for her shall do tne
same.
The Czarina is expecting a visit of the
stork In the spring. 8he*flt the mother
I of four girls, and the czarevitch, who was
I born in 1904. The oldest girl is 18 years
j old.
The French vintage of 191- was unus
ually abundant, but this will have no per
ceptible effect on the cost of living to
th 2 rank and file in this country.
William Jennings Bryan has purchased
several acres fronting on Biscayne bay
at Miami, Fla., and he will shortly begirt^
the erection of a fine winter home.
Turkey has but one choice—she must
either give up the ghost or Adrtanople.
She must make a choice.
The Irish home rule bUl can he de
layed by the house of lords until April,
1JH, and no later.
Pretty soon Mr. Taft will slide gently
int i that big bathtub that awraits in a j
lu.tel In New Haven, and then he will be j
in position to defy all critics.
There are whole parishes in England
that have not a single bathtub. So it
seems that some Englishmen do get along
without a morning “bawth.”
China is in the market for 50,000,000
suite of men’s clothes at $5 a suit. Every
body seems • to want one of them In
China.
Mr. Munaey begins to feel like one who
stands alone in a vast wilderness. His
amalgamation scheme wasn't workable.
Fcrty years ago Americans ate no ba
nal.as; now they eat 44,000,000 bunches a
> ear. Tastes do change occasionally.
Furthest north met furthest south when
Peary and Amundsen came together at
the National Geographical society.
*
Colonel Roosevelt wants no holding
| company to do the holding. He is»re&ay
t) do it himself..
Have you secured your Flonzaley tiek
|ets? The advance seat sale has been un~
usually large.
Politics should be taught in thr
i schools wrhile it is kept out of the school
boards.
The boy that got a sled for Christmas is
now trying to trade It for a baseball bat.
The Irish home rule bill may fill the
house of lords with apoplectic cases.
--—
BANISHING “TOM JONES”
[From the Chicago Post.
London.—News dispatches told briefly
a few days ago that Fielding’s “Tom
Jones” had been barred as immoral
from the Dorchester Corporation Free
library. It seems that a member of
the library committee found a book on
a shelf one night and, knowing noth
ing about it, took the volume home to
i-ead.
The next morning he appeared at a
committee meeting in a white rage. Ho
held the book at arm's length, and ris
ing to a point of order he declared that
"Tom Jones” was Immoral and a dis
grace to the shelves of the Dorchester
Corporation Free library.
It was like a bombshell exploding in
the placid little committee room. Three
members woke up and thought the
place was afire. Tw o essayed to speak •
and could not. The chairman, a quiet
old man with white hair, smiled. As
for the moralist, he held up the of
fending volume.
“I had never read it until last
night,” he said, "and, sirs, I could
hardly hold myself as I read on and
on. The book is a simple disgrace. I
move you that our copy be destroyed!”
The chairman asked for the book and
glanced at the title page. He said that
it was a Whiddon edition and that it
had been printed in 1784.
"It is very strange.” lie said, "that
nobody has noticed this before. I re
member that I read Tom Jones' when I
was a boy and it thrilled me and made !
me laugh till I cried! Did you read it
all?” lie asked the stout, red little man
who had brought the book to their at
tention.
The latter had the grace to blush.
“Every word," he testified.
The chairman smiled a llow smile.
“But why all of it?” he asked, “if it
is so objectionable?”
Instantly the stout little man puffed
[up.
“I wanted to see just how bad it
was,” he declared, hotly.
"Who else has read the book?” asked
the chairman, looking around the com
mittee table.
There was no answer. It developed
that none had, and when the stout lit
tle man put the question, a resolution
was passed which resulted in the de
struction of “Tom Jones.”
Tlie chairman shook his head.
"I protest,” lie said, "but bow to the
majority. In my mind the book is more
valuable than history as a faithful
picture of Fielding's times. England
has been proud of Fielding and his
works, and 1 am afraid thal our posi
tion of criticising them at this time is
a little dubious—not to say danger
ous, or, better still, absurd!”
WE TRY TO BE C'HEEIIFIL
From Collier's Weekly.
in a recent issue we published fin
editorial called “Looking for Happi
ness,” in which we commented on the
furor created in a small New Jersey
town by the resolution of a certain
woman's club to cease its efforts in the
pursuit of culture and turn its energies
to civic ami moral housecleaning. We
published ibis as an amusing example
of the effect produced on a small con
servative community by the introduc
tion of any original idea however
rational. We have received a very dig
nified but very earnest protest from
the president of the New Jersey State
Federation of Women's clubs. She con
siders that we have done the cause of
progress an injustice by our “flippant”
treatment of this particular incident.
Luck of proper appreciation for the ef
forts of women toward broader and
more useful lives and of women's or
ganizations toward greater civic use
fulness is furtherest from our editorial
mind. Collier’s has done in the past
and will continue to do in the future
all in its power to encourage and ap
preciate the progressive woman. But
we still reserve the privilege or seeing
the humorous side of human nature
wherever it manifests itself.
WILES OF A STRANGER
From the Cass County, Mo., News.
A dark complexioned young man, who
called himself a Cuban, but who looked
more like a “chili eater,” was peddling
what he called extra fine linens at re
markably low prices one day last week.
Several of Harrisonville’s population got
hooked for some of his wares, and when
the goods were.found to be nothing but
cheap muslins the howl began. A mot*#*
load of head hunters started out in quest^
of the aforesaid dark young man, stop
ping at every dark corner and all of the
hotels, likewise the depots. But there
seemed to be nothing^doing, and it is sup
posed that he simply melted into some of
the deep shadows which he resembled so
much and rtoatod to some greener fields.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
From the New York Press.
Some things are more to be blushed at ■
in the thinking than in the saying.
• There’s not enough money in the world
to seem enough to a man if he had It all.
Ii doesn’t take a woman very long to
discover that if a man gives up a bad
habit he abuses the family for it.
Good judgment is refusing to do what
ycut judgment decides you should not do.
The'baby doesn’t yell any more than .t
does because there aren't any more call
ers than there are to be told it hardly ever
Happens.
•
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Opening Southern Headquarter* Here
Harry p. Harrison of Chicago, treas
urer and general manager of the Red
path Lyceum bureau, spent yesterday in
Birmingham.
"I am here for the purpose of estab
lishing general southern headquarters,”
said Mr. Harrison. “As all well informed
persons know, the Redpath Lyceum bu
reau is the largest and most important
organization of its kind in America.
“Birmingham is growing so fast and is
getting to be such a prominent center that
we decided now was a good time to se
lect this place for our principal southern
headquarters. Birmingham is the geo
graphical huj? of the south, and it is sure
to prove a satisfactory distributing point
for the Redpath bureau. We will have
our offices with the Cable-Shelby-Burton
Piano company and will maintain a work
ing force here all the year round.
“Our headquarter cities are Boston, New
York, Pittsburg, Chicago, Columbus,\0.,
Kansas City, Dallas, Tex., San Francisco,
Seattle, Cedar Rapids, la.. Chatham, Can.,
and now Birmingham.
“We will have a chatauqua week in
Birmingham the latter part of May. R
will include several fine concerts. Wc
have, as is well known, many excellent
musical features, including a ladies’ or
chestra, the Mendelssohn male quartet,
grand opera celebrities and Kryl and his
band. Kryl will bring his band here in
May and it is sure to prove a most popu
lar attraction.”
The Flonxaleyx and Their Programme
“That is a beautiful programme
which the Flonzaley quartet will pre
sent at the Jefferson theatre Sunday
afternoon—Haydn’s G major quartet,
the andante cantabile writh variations
from Beethoven’s A major quartet and
Tschaikowsky's D major quartet,” re- ,
marked a prominent musician.
"Everybody will be charmed I know
with the Haydn number. All four move
ments will be played which will give
just the variety that the average au- j
dlence appreciates. The Beethoven
number is tender and deeply religious, j
With the closing number, the Tschaikow
sky, we will have interesting variety
of the modern school. This work is
full of beauty from beginning to end. j
The andante is singularly tender and
it is in such demand by concert au
diences in large northern cities that it
lias been arranged for the string sec
tions of symphony orchestras and is be
ing played this season frequently.
“Some years ago concerts given on
Sunday were styled ‘sacred’ when they
had not so much as a hymn tune to
suggest church music. Many of those
so-called sacred concerts—the title was
a cheap subterfuge—were made up
largely of sentimental love songs, bril
liant overtures and captivating waltzes.
Occasionally a few' ‘gospel hymns’—
musically frivolous and altogether
lacking in real musicianship—were put
on the programme as if to fool some
body. The fact is real sacred music in
the church sense such as masses, ora
torios and cantatas are always by mas
ter composers and those performed at
festivals are severely classic—often
much too classic for a miscellaneous
audience. The programme to be per
formed by the Flonzaleys on the other
hand will appeal alike to musicians and
to music lovers who are not especially
educated in music. Haydn and Beeth
•ven are classic, to be sure, but they
ore never over the heads of popular
audiences when the music is properly
interpreted. And Tschaikowsky! Well,
lie is popular with everyone who loves
melody. Most of the programme is re
ligious in a fine sense without any sub
terfuge title. The programme is re
ligious, I say, because it is spiritually
elevating.”
Itcgnrriing a Much I »cil Word
“I have been wondering if w*e could
not find a word to substitute for ‘con
ference’ in the everyday business
world,” said a pioneer upbuilder of
the Birmingham district. •
“It took me some time to get used
to the word ‘plant’ in the sense of
factory or a large industrial establish
ment, but since 1 am used to it I be
lieve it is a useful word, although the
I purist might interdict it. Now, as for
conference, when it was used only oc
casionally by business men it was all
right, but today if two men meet in a
private room to talk over something
or other they are holding a confer
ence. 1 may be an old fogy but that
word strikes me as being very much
overdone.”
President Poincare of France
“The new President of France, Ray
mond Poincare, has been for a long time
in public life and is classed as a mod
erate republican,’” said a professional,
man. "The name has been frequently
misspelled in the newspapers. 'In nearly
all the papers that I have seen recently
It has appeared as Poineaire. The last e
of the name should be accented. It Js,
therefore, pronounced not Poyncare as |
the misspelling of the last syllable would
make it but simply Poyncaray.
•'Poincare was born in 1850. lie is a
lawyer by profession and was first elect
ed to the chamber of deputies in JS87. He
has been minister of public instruction
and minister of fiance and he has re
cently been premier.”
i
Prominent Engineer Here
E. T. D. Myers, Jr., of Richmond is
registered at the Hillman. He is a con
of the late Maj. E. T. D. Myers, who
was president of the Richmond, Fred
ericksburg and Potomac railroad, a link
in the Atlantic Coast Line route.
Jn speaking of the. visit of Mr. Myers,
Jr., an old member of Birmingham's Vir
ginia colony said: “Major Myers was a
great engineer and a most successful rail
road man. He belonged to that coterie
of engineers that was exceptionally dis
tinguished. Those whose homes were in
Richmond were friends of mine—Major
Whitcomb, under whom Major E. M. Tul
wiler served on the Chesapeake and Ohio
as assistant chief engineer of construc
tion; Major Temple, Colonel Douglass.
Colonel Talcott, Colonel Cutshaw and Ma
jor Myers. They all had good records in
Lee's splendid Army of Northern Virginia.
The only one of them now living is Colonel
Talcott, who is still active in the railroad
world.
“Mr. Myers, Jr., whom I was glad to
meet at the Southern club, is, like his
lamented father, a civil engineer and a
very successful one. He is, like Ills
faiher, too. a good business mq.n. He has j
had large business experience and is now
prominent In Richmond as a consulting
engineer and contractor."
The Iron Market
The local iron market has been quiet
this week. Matthew Addy & Co.'s Cin
cinnati report says in part:
"As the month progresses it is
marked by a large and more general
demand. There are at the present time
inquiries in the market for many
ibousands of tons. On the part of a
number of the heavy consumers there
is an effort to batter down the price.
In fact the market both north and
south lias been vigorously assaulted,
! but it has so far stood the test, and
| prices show no sign of yielding. The
main feature of the current situation
is the large booking of iron for pipe
making. As has been the case now
j for many months, consumers are find
ing difficulty in getting shipments fast
enough to meet their requirments.
“The demand for finished material is
phenomenal. Mills are now filling up
on specifications for the third quarter.
Car shops are practically filled up for
all of this year. Ifc. would seem that un
less the heavens fall, we were sure of
a tremendous consumption all through
1913.”
C AST-OFF FALSE TEETH
From the Chicago Tribune.
What is the most worthless thing in the
world? You'll probably say a bonehead.
or a too mature egg, or a bagpipe soloist,
or a wornout safety razor blade, or a
set of second hand false teeth—but here
you would be mistaken.
You can’t give away a boneheacl-—it
gives itself away; you can't give, sell or
force upon one an over-ripe egg—unless :
j our aim is both high and good; you j
can’t understand what lapse of failure
w.is responsible for the birth of the bag
pipe soloist; Dr. Cook is suspected of hav
ing dropped five old safety razor blades
on the top of Mt. McKinley—for thus only
could he get rid of them; but a second
hand set of false teeth—that’s something
else again.
They are valuable. They can be sold.
Yes, actually, there is a firm in Oxford
street, London, which makes a business
o? buying well worn sets of false 'eeth.
Those pearly teeth that you admired in
the theatre last night even now may be
on their wajr to Oxford street, for the
chorus girls also have their times of
financial depression.
Says, the villain iri the play, “Letitia
Dt*Donne, I have you in my power. You
have hocked your last limousine and
have nought to hock or the wherewith
to pay my mortgage. The old plantation
will be mine. Ha! and again, ha’ Jia!”
** Tis false!” cried Letty, drawing out
her peariy teeth from between ruby red
lips. “I still have these and I will sell
them and pay the mortgage. The old
place shall not pass from the hands- of
tie DeLormes while I have teeth to
sell.”
And what does this firm do with them
when they get them? There’s the secret.
They don’t tell.
THE OLD-TIME BLUNDERBUSS
“The Nobility of the Trades—fire Arms”
—Charles Winslow Hall, in National -Mag
azine for January.
A very peculiar weapon, but largely in
use during the Seventeenth and Eigh
teenth centuries, was the bluderbuss
whose bore, quite moderate in size at the
breech, steadily widened until at the muz
zle it became a round or oval bell, of
ft om over an inch to four inches in diam
eter. The smaller sizes were usually
kept in country mansions and farmhouses
for defense, many were carried by the
guards of mail coaches, in the days when
highwaymen made traveling much more
exciting and perilous than now; and the
larger sizes, loaded with a mixed cargo of
bullets, nails, slugs and other notions
were mounted with swivels on armed
slops to discourage the. attempts of un
welcome “boarders" who might Rttempt
to secure a free passage and eatables oy
armed force. Indeed many very handsome
and costly ones were made after the
percussion lock was Introduced, and were
considered a not unsuitable testimonial
for the captain of an armed vessel. Oth
ers. very short in the barrel, were made
for horsemen’s use, and largely carried In
northern Africa.
HKD KITTED AT A SHOW
Fiom the Ixtndon Mail.
"Have you seen the red kitten?" was
the questloh every other person was ask
ing at the show of the National Cat club
at the Crystal palace.
The red kitten, which belongs to Mrs.
H. Cook, and was Judged the best cat
In the show, may be described as the
ideal eat at which the fanciers have been
aiming for years. Louis Wain, who was
judging, has never seen its equal. Its
reoness is not marred by one speck or
suspicion of white. Its eyes are alter
nate circles of light red and dark red,
just as its coat is alternate streaks of
t ,e two shades.
"Never before at any show." said Mr.
Wain, "have we seen such a perfection
of shading os a number of the cats ex
hibit. So delicate are they that they can
only be judged by pure daylight."
The cult of the cat is growing. Never
have exhibitors gone to such extremes
in tricks of exhibition. One sent along
wilh the cat a tadpole in a bottle, because
the curious object excited the cat's at
tention and inspired that spry air which
is supposed to arrest the judge's at
tention.
ORIGIN OF WORD*
From the Chicago Journal.
Word building i* as much a piece of
carpentry as is house building. Only it
takes longer. Sometimes a century or
more. And by that time the word's first
meaning is usually changed.
For example, the old word for "neigh
bor” was "sib." One's good neighbor
wua known as one’s "good sib." This
became shortened to “godsib," and later
to "gossip.” Then the word’s whole
meaning changed and gossip no longer
meant good neighbor, but applied to the
sort of talk exchanged between good
neighbors.
Take the word "farmer," too. The old
word for "farmer” was "boor." (And
"boor" later was used for describing
farmerlike or rough persons.) The farm
er living nearest to one was known as the
"nighboor," and this phrase, in course
of time, was twisted to "neighbor."
You've heard the proverb: ^Little i iteh
ers have big ears." Well, it doesn t refer
to the utensil that holds water or goes to
ti e corner side door. "Pitcher" was a
slang term with some such meaning as
our word "chap" or "fellow. ‘ Thus,
"kittle fellows have big ears" is a more
sensible rendering of the proverb.
THE CONVICT PROBLEM
From the^iavannah Press.
The next session of the Alabama legis
lature may be called upon to deal with
the convict lease question. The Bir
mingham Age-Herald points out that
when convicts are put into the mines and
tr.cght to dig coal they almost Invariably
remain In the mine district after their re
lease and do not scatter over the state.
This indicates that there is a very large
per cent of the ex-convicts of tile state in
(lie Birmingham district. Against such
conditions The Age-Herald takes a de
termined stand and finds the remedy for
them in the adoption of the Georgia plan
of working the convicts on the roads, ap
portioning them among the counties.
There have been criticisms of the Georgia
plan, but they have been confined chiefly
tr the north, where the penitentiary sys
tem is In vogue arid where the winters are
lont. and severe. The southern states are
[more and more coming to the belief that
I the working of convicts on the public
roads is the very best system after all.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
MATILDA'S PROGRESS.
Matilda Brown
Is wondrous fair;
No other girl,
Methinks, can wear
Her clothes with such
Alluring grace,
And joyous I
Her movements trace
To candy stores,
To bargain sales
And picture shows
Where mirth prevails;
And matinees
And bauble shops,
Where with a wistful
Eye she stops.
And places where
Her picture's ta en,
And then the round
Of shops again,
I
Until, deprived
Of strength to roam,
m She turns her dainty
Footsteps home.
AN ARDUOUS RODE.
“Duckfitz was a boarding house humor
ist for a long time, but he finally had to
retire in favor of a younger man.”
“What was the cause?”
“Well, when he was 21 Duckfitz found
no difficulty in playing the part, but
when he began to get along in years he
felt it was impossible to scintillate at
breakfast, he was compelled to dodge
lunch and only by the greatest effort
could he provide a bit of repartee for
dinner.”
A WALL FLOWER.
A pretty girl was Daisy Hall.
But would not do the turkey trot,
And so she sat beside the wall,
By every dancing man forgot.
A TRAGEDY REPEATED.
According to a dispatch from Amesbury,
Mass., Mrs. Alphonse Vlctorine concealed
herself in a trunk when she heard her
ht'Eband enter the house, hoping to sur
prise him by suddenly jumping out when
he had begun to worry about her absence.
The trunk locked automatically and not
being able to make an outcry, Mrs. Vic
torine lost her life.
A similar tragedy has been immortalized
in literature. Long ago, the poet tells
us. at the gayest moment of the wedding
revels In a medieval castle, the bonny
br’dc skipped away from the bahqdet
table, after playfully biting the finger of
the bridegroom, and disappeared as com
pletely as if the earth had swallowed het
up. High and low the frantic members
of her fnmily searched for the missing
girl, but no trace of her could be found.
Despair settled down upon them at last,
never to be lifted again. The lover
roamed afar and gave up his life in the
wars, glad to find release from his sor
row. The father, a broken-hearted old
men, wandered about his estates, still
..L_
-— ,
cherishing the memory of the fair uaugh
ter he had so strangely lost. Year*
passed and one day an old chest In the
castle was opened. Inside was found a
mouldering skeleton. Some bits of oridal
finery and certain jewels proved that the
skeleton was that of the long lost )
Qinevra, who had jumped into the
chest to hide from her husband, think
ing he would soon come to look for her. A
spring lock had trapped the unfortunate
girl and she was suffocated.
HIS PIPE WENT OUT.
I hope you'll ’scuse my tears today
And eke my dismal look of woe:
Poor Feathertop's true love’s dismay
I saw last night at a picture show.
WONDER IF THE PLUG IS MISSING.
T he Missouri town that was presented
with a bathtub- as a souvenir of tlie
Maine, may‘ be able to use it as a coal
bunker or a horse trough. To save the
i'fi of us, we <can't see how a bathtub,
even when it is a relic of the Maine, can
inspire much patriotic fervor.
THE UN ATTAINED. \
Still we find, it hard to practice,
Though contentment's what we preach,
For there’s nearly always something
That we want, just out of reach.
TOUGH LUCK.
Rivers, editorial hanger-on of the Daily
Bread, travels between his office and his
dwelling on on® of the elevated roads.
Here is his hard luck story, as he re
lated it to Mrs. Rivers, who confided it to 1
Mrs. Brooks, who immediately put it into
general circulation:
“Lena,*’ he said, • * f was half asleep
whdn the guard called out the name cf my
station this evening. I got up hurriedly,
stuck my hands in my overcoat pockets
to get my gloves, and found that one of
I them was missing. 1 had lost it some
where. It’s worse to have only one clove,
you know', than- to have.none at all. So, y
as I passed the guard at the door, 1
handed it to him.
” Maybe you’ll find -the mate to it some
day,’ I said, and stepped out on the sta
tion platform.
“The train hadn’t moved 10 feet when
somebody inside the car raised a window,
stuck his head out, and tossed something
on the platform.
“ Here,’ he said; *1 guess this is yours.
You left it in the seat.’
**Itwas the glove I thought I’d lost! . .
No. I didn’t say anything. Lena—nothing
that yoi4 would care to hear!”—Chicago
Tribune. .* «
HE COULD TELL.
Fan’s lips are cherries
And wondrous red;
Their color natural,
Or so ’tis said,
Though there’s a* druggist,
Secretive man,
Who has—’scuse slang, please—
The dope on Fan.
PAUL COOK.
UNDERWOOD’S OPPORTUNITY
From the Washington Post.
THE fate of the democratic party as
well as of prosperity will be decid
ed for better or for worse within
the next’six months. Whether the party
shall establish itself in the confidence of
the people of the United States and so
win a long lease of power, and whether
the tariff shall be reduced with that de
gress of surgical delicacy that will elimi
nate special priivlcge without destroying
the healthy liber of business, depends
largely upon Oscar W. Underwood of Ala
bama, chairman of the ways and means
committee of the House.
Mr. Underwood’s patriotism, ability, and
courage are admitted by republicans as
well as democrats. He has the confidence
not only of President-elect Wilson, who
has spoken in high praise of his judgment
and strength, of character, but of the men
who have opposed him most vigorously on
the floor of the House. It is well for the
democratic party that such a man as Mr.
Underwood is chairman of the ways and
means committee at a time like this, when
a problem of vital importance to the
American people must be solved.
The Post has held that the American
people at the last election spoke unmis
takably for a protective tariff. More than
1,000,000 more votes were cast for the two
presidential candidates who stood for pro
tection than for Mr. Wilson. Conceding
for the sake of argument, however, that
the democratic patty received a mandate
from the people to revise the tariff down
ward, the great question that must be de
cided by Mr. Underwood Is: "How shall
that mandate be interpreted?"
The great task of the party is to Inter
pret aright the will of the people. Shall
the tariff be revised on the assumption
that the voters want a radical reduction,
even if it should injuriously affect Indus
try, wages, and general prosperity? No
sane man would advance such a proposi
tion seriously.
Putting aside the undeniable fact that
a majority of the voters were protection
ists, it should be remembered that Mr.
Wilson, as a candidate, repeatedly said
that it was not the intention of the dem
ocratic party to disturb prosperity. P.e
\ Ision of the tariff, he said, should be
"unhesitatingly downward," but only so
much of protection as Concealed special
privileges should be removed. It was
upon that definition of the democratic
programme, so succinctly stated by Mr.
Wilson, that the democratic voters put
their stamp of approval.
The democrats who voted for President
elect Wilson are as patriotic as any other
set of men. They are anxious for the
welfare of the country, and desirous of
prosperity. Some of them understand the
tariff very well and some do not under
stand it at all; but what they evidently
wanted was a reduction of duties In the
hope that they would he able to buy w hat
they need at cheaper prices, without any
Impairment of wages. They realize, as
well as the voters who cast their ballots
against the democratic party, that it Is
ro satisfaction In having prices reduced
If the wherewithal to purchase is taken
away.
To cut. and yet not cut so deeply as to
impair the revenue; to prune, and yet
not prune with eyes closed to the needs
of business and labor—that is the prob
lem before Mr. Underwood, through whom
the democratic party must work to cany
out the wishes of the people. If the alter
native of lowering of the tariff and the
sacrifice of prosperity were referred to
the democratic voters, there is no doubt
of what their verdict would be.
The people of the United tSates take
a broad view of all problems of govern
ment. The crumbling of political parties
is due generally tp a failure to understand
the breadth of ths public mind, or a failure
to properly interpret the meaning of a
verdict at the pells. No one doubts the
patriotism of the people. If they could be
asked directly whether they are in favor
of a big navy, they would answer em
phatically In the affirmative. If they
could be asked whether they want the
government to extend its helpful activities 1
in agriculture, education, military pro
tection, postal facilities, and every other
branch of government endeavor, the an
swer again would be in the affirmative.
What the people want is a greater,
stronger government, and not a weaker,
smaller one. They look to the democratic
party in the hour of its triumph for “un
ity, breadth of view, and ttie conserva
tion of prosperity.
Mr. 1'nderwooJ would not be the man
thut lie Is if he <1 id not carry out'to the
best of his ability what he believes to lie
lhe mandate of the people. Those who
know him best arc sure that he wilt he
true to himself and his party by viewing
the problem that confronts him from the
standpoint of all the people, treating in
dustry, workmen, and consumer with
equal fairness. Mr. Underwood has not
only the confidence of those who know
him best, but their congratulations on
the fact that a great opportunity is his—
an opportunity to perform invaluable ser
vice to his country.
THE CAUSE OK PELLAGRA
From the Journal of the American As
sociation.
There are two views as to the cause
of pellagra. According to one, pella
gra is a disease caused by an undue
use of corn in the diet or by the use
of spoiled corn. This view places pel
lagra in the same class with beriberi
and scurvy. According to the other
view pellagra is an infectious disease,
the infecting agent being as yet un
known. From a consideration of the
facts at hand in regard to the occur
rence of pellagra in general, Sambon
felt warranted in asserting that certain
species of black fly or sandfly are car
riers of the infection, but so far no
convincing evidence has been obtained
to support Sambon's view.
Recently the idea has been advanced
that pellagra may be due to an In
fection of the intestinal canal and that
a diet Insufficient in animal protein
may aid in the development of the dis
ease. This conception rests on the
frequent occurrence In pellagra of in
flammation and ulceration of the in
testinal lining, on evidences of a gen
eral intoxication, and on the fact that
the diet in hospitals for the insane In
which pellagra has developed, and of
tlie Italian peasantry which has suf
fered so greatly from the disease, has
been rather low in animal protein. If
this theory is correct, pellagra can be
prevented by means of proper diet or
by the prevention of the infection,
whatever its nature may be, and most
effectively by the combination of these
methods. So many cases of pellagra
have been discovered in the insane
hospitals, of the United States during
the last few years, and it is so dif
ficult to control the diet of the in
dividual insane patient that it would
seem evident that measures to prevent '■
any possible Infection should not be
neglected. If pellagra is infectious,
then one source of the Infection and
probably the most important is the
pellagrous patient, so that the necea
sity of preventing the spread of the in
fection by direct and indirect mean*
needs no emphasis.
D.tWS OF PEACE
By John Ruskln.
Put off. put off your mail, O king*,
And beat your brands to dust,
Your hands must learn a surer grasp.
Your hearts a better trust.
Oh, bend aback the lance's point,
And" break the helmet bar;
A. noise is in the morning wind,
But not the note of war.
Upon the grassy mountain paths.
The glittering hosts Increase;
They come, they cornel how fair their
feet—
They come who publish peace.
And victory, fair victory.
Our enemies ere ours;
I For all the clouds are clasped in light
And all the earth with flowers.
Ay, still depressed and dim with dew,
But wait a little while;
And with the radiant deathless rosa
The wilderness shall smile. t
And every dainty tender thing
Shall feed by streams of rast;
No lamb shall from the flock he lost.
Nor nursling from the neat.