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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, January 26, 1913, EDITORIAL SECTION, Image 28

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. >V. BARRETT.Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3,
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald.... $8.00
Dally and Sunday, per month....
Daily and Sunday, three months.. 200
Sunday Age-Herald . ■••• ^-jf®
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum..
Subscription payable in advance.
Z. E. Morgan and W. G. Wharton are
the only authorized traveling repre
sentatives of The Age-Heraid in its
circulate, n department.
No communication will be published
without its author's name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible for money sent
through the mails. Address,
r THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 5 Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office, Rooms 48 to
60, inclusive, Tribune building, New
York city; western business offi#*,
Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHONES
Bell (private exchange cosnectlsg «U
department*)* No. 41*00.
Rear from hence hi* body,
And mourn you for him? let him be re
garded
A* the noblest cor*e that ever herald
Did follow to hi* urn.
—C yin he line.
Owl Cars on Five Lines
All night workers in this city are
by no means tied to a telegraph office
or a morning paper. In a hundred
other industries men are at least oc
casionally detained until after mid
night. After February. 15 these be
lated sons of toil will no longer have
to hire taxicabs in order to reach
their homes, for the street car com
pany has agreed to put on cars after
midnight and to keep them running
at reasonable intervals until the day
service is resumed in the early morn
ing hours. The test of 30 days is to be
made on the Ensley, Highlands and
Powderly lines, and if the bars on
these lines are found to be useful and
needful, no doubt all-night cars will
He placed on the East Lake line alsOj
All possible patronage will be
needed at the outset in order to render
the retention of the night service per
manent. Once put on, they should be
kept on, and the residents in the citj s
numerous suburbs will assuredly ap
preciate this gain in public con
veniences.
Southern Water Powers
The Norfolk Virginian-Pilot elo
quently insists that the southern states
should without delay conserve their
water powers. They should be kept, it
says, from the hands of monopolies.
No southern state, it adds, can afford
to be guilty of failure or neglect in
this matter.
As a matter of fact no southern
state is paying any attention to its
water powers, or has any intention of
doing so. When the lands along a
stream were sold to individuals or to
a corporation the United States and
the state parted with their properie
tary rights in that stream, and the
riparian owner acquired their rights
save in the respect of navigation.
Here in Alabama the state was for
bidden by the constitution of 1875 and
again by that of 1901 to engage in
works of internal improvements or to
lend its credit to any company formed
for that purpose.
The riparian owners in this and all
other states are masters of the stiua
tiun subject only to the right of navi
gation lodged in the state or the
United States. They own for all other
purposes the beds of the rivers and
they must be dealt with before any
water powers can be “conserved”
through state action.
The Virgiian-Pilot means well, but
it loses sight of the fact that the
state has no longer any substantial
proprietary power over a river. “If,”
said Governor O’Neal recently, "our
state formerly had such power, it has
already parted with it. By the general
and special laws of this state, which
were enacted some years prior to my
administration, the right to develop
water power was conferred on indi
viduals and private corporations. By
these laws it would seem that the
state has surrendered or conveyed
whatever title or interest or easement
it may have possessed in the streams
of Alabama, and these laws being
granted would seem to constitute a
contract by which the state is bound.”
What is true of Alabama is true of
all other states. The Virginian-Pilot
will discover upon investigation that
its state is no exception to the rule.
The riparian owner must be reckoned
with.
The conservation of water powers
through riparian owners is, however,
impracticable because any action they
might take in erecting dams in navi
gable rivers may be brushed aside at
any moment by the general govern
ment. The Secretary of War can de
cide at any time what is and what is
not an obstruction to navigation.
To come right down to brass tacks,
so to speak, the only way to improve
navigable rivers that the federal gov
ernment is not willing for one reason
Dr another- to improve, is to agree to
! do its work under the direction and
supervision of the Secretary of War.
A special act of Cpngress is needed
in every such case, and about 70
such acts have been passed in accord
ance with the general dam acts of
1906 and 1910.
The Virginian-Pilot earnestly de
sires to see southern watei powers
conserved, but *if it will study the
doTninant navigation powers of the
federal government on the one hand
and the proprietary rights of the
riparian owner on the other, it will
surely come to the conclusion that the
only open feasible road to develop
ment and improvement lies# through
special acts of Congress under the
general policy laid down in the dam
acts already mentioned. In that way
the south could speedily secure a lime
nitrate mill that would fracture the
Chilean monopoly, and it could secure
other mills needed in its fuller devel
ment. _
Control of the Senate
The election of Judge Shields of
Tennessee to a full term in the Sen
ate from March 4 gives the democrats
48 senators out of 96, and the casting
vote of Vice President Marshall will
transfer to the democrats control of
the Senate. This count does jiot work
with, certainly not under, the stand
pat leaders of that body. There are at
least half a dozen progressive senators
who cannot be counted as members of
the “old guard,” especially in tariff
divisions. Messrs. LaFollette, Bristow,
Clapp, Poindexter and Works certain
ly are not reactionaries in any sense
of the word, and they will in many
divisions vote with the democrats.
There are now four deadlocked leg
islatures in New Hampshire, Illinois,
West Virginia and Wyoming, and the
democrats hope to secure from them
three adherents. Illinois is to elect two
senators. Delaware will elect a dem
ocratic senator. Between the straight
out democratic strength and the pro
gressives the old guard will have
small power in the Senate after
March 4.
The dear Democratic majority in
the Senate will, however, be small,
and the need of harmony in the party
was never greater. There will be lack
of harmony on the other side of the
house, and yet in matters of moment
and policy the democrats wil have to
stand together in order to be effec
tive. _
An Income Tax Probable
Mr. Underwood’s hands are already
full of tariff problems, and if he re
duces duties enough to lessen the
cost of living he will no doubt ma
terially cut down the revenue of the
government. This will render the pas
sage of an income tax at the special
session extremely probable.
Thirty-four states have ratified the
income tax amendment. Affirmative
action by two more states is needed,
and Florida, Massachusetts, New Jer
sey, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Delaware,
New Mexico and Wyoming have not
acted. No doubt two more ratifying
states will soon be heard from.
Once ratified the amendment will
leave Congress free to tax all in
comes, and democratic leaders are
naturally anxious to secure this ad
ditional source of revenue levied upon
those who are best able to bear a
part of the governmental burden. For
example, free sugar would be almost
impossible without an income tax. The
present corporation tax would no
doubt be repealed in order to avoid
double taxation. An income tax laid
largely on swollen fortunes and ex
empting men of small salaries would
fill the gap admirably, and a dem
ocratic Congress will almost certain
ly pass one as soon as 36 states have
ratified the new sixteenth amend
ment. _
Office Seekers and Civil Service
The civil service system has now
been long enough established to make
each incoming administration less en
couraging from an office seeking
point of view than its predecessor.
Woodrow Wilson is not only a re
former, but he has shown himself to
be a very aggressive man in politics
and as he' is strongly committed to
the civil service law, comparatively
few partisan changes in office will
be made during his term. He has
made it plain, indeed, that he does not
believe in making any change outside
the cabinet purely #on partisan
grounds.
All the department employes hold
their positions under civil service law
and of the tens of thousands of minor
officials that were usually changed
with the administration, not more than
10 per cent, it is estimated, will be
replaced by democratic appointees.
Mr. Cleveland*was a staunch ad
vocate of the civil service law and
he greatly extended the merit system.
Yet comparing the federal patronage
of today with that of *0 years ago,
political plums are extremely rare.
The spoils amount to almost nothing.
Still, ardent democrats, who think
they are entitled to be rewarded for
party service, are getting up monster
petitions for this or that office. They
are canvassing among their friends
for indorsements with as much pains
and as much confidence as if no such
thing as the civil service act had ever
been heard of or as if President-elect
Wilson had announced a policy of ig
noring altogether the civil service
system.
In every southern states and in
every state, as for that matter, will
be found democrats who are seeking
office with unusual vim, and the few
that do succeed in securing places will
become known as men of extra
ordinarily good luck. These men
whose ardor is not dampened by the
President-elect's policy are of the
type that believe there is no such
word as fail.
Woodrow Wilson will address him
self to large policies and will pay
little heed to the clamor for office.
Big sea creatures are becoming busy.
The Havana of the Ward line recently
spitted a shark on" her prow oft the Flor
ida coast and had a time getting the
monster free. The Saratoga arrived from
Havana with a story, attested by the log
and Captain Miller and his staff of spit
ting a giant manatee on Sunday, also
oft the Florida ccast. It was necessary
to stop the ship, says this veracious tale,
so heavy was the drag of the fish, and
Chief Officer George Demar was lowered
over the bow to dislodge the manatee with
a boat hook, but he could not budge the
carcase. Then the Saratoga reversed her
engines, backed out of the manatee and
come along home.
-.,.--—
Col. John Witherspoon DuBose's new
series. "Eight Governor* of. Alabama—
1874-1901”—will be found of absorbing Inter
est. Number one of this series appeared
in last Sunday’s Age-IIerald, number two
on Friday and number three appears In
today’s Issue. Apart from their historic
value these narratives have a distinct
literary charm. They deal with stirring
times and with great men and measures,
and all persons who are eager to be In
formed and who enjoy historic literature
will not fall to read these articles.
The Empress Eugenie Is living. She
is in her eighty-eighth year. She lives
in England, and is in fair health and
strength, and has an ample Income. She
is* older than the Emperor Fran* Joseph
of Austria-Hungary. The Princes Pau
line Metternich, widow of the Austrian
ambassador to the third empire, Is liv
ing In her eighty-ninth year, and the
dowager duchess of Mecklenburg Strelitz
lives at 91 in the full enjoyment of her
faculties.
Powder has been made at Hazardville,
Conn., ever since 3885, and In the time 100
explosions have occurred and 70 persons
have been killed. A recent explosion was
very destructive and the Hercules com
pany of Delaware has decided to close the
plant. This is the end of powder making
in Hazardville.
- ■■■■.». —.
Prof. William Robert Webb, now United
States senator from Tennessee, to fill the
short term, lives at Bell Buckle. He is
70 years old, and has been a school teach
er all the years of his active life. He is
known locally as ‘ Sawney” Webb, and
he is highly esteemed wherever he Is
known.
Battling Nelson, the prize fighter, was
married last week In Chicago to Miss Fay
King. The prize fighter and his bride mei
in Denver, where the young woman was
a newspaper worker. She was sent to in
terview Nelson and the romance resulted.
Auguste Van Blene, author of ‘‘The
Broken Melody,” died suddenly during a j
performance at Brighton, England. He |
was born In Holland In 3850, and ap- i
pea red nearly 6000 times in “The Broken
Melody.”
The million-dollar mansion In Wash
ington, built by the wife of Secretary
MacVeagh, has 30 bathrooms, but it will
have no tenant after March 4, according
to present indications.
The seaboard cities say the zone plan
of the parcel post fits interior towns, hut
does not fit towns on the sea, where a
good share of each zone Is out on the
water.
The peachti ees in Georgia are still dor-j
mant, and a week or two of cool weather, i
even a freeze, would be helpful. A crop (
of 5000 cars in Georgia is at stake.
President Emeritus Eliot declined to be
one of the "American Immortals" that
Congress Is asked to Indorse. That list
of immortals sadly needs revision*
William Rockefeller may not be as ill
as he says he is, but It Is plain he is no
match at present for the restive and
muscular Charles W. Morse.
The population of Kansas fell off 17,000
last year, and that state may have to
turn its chief attention to children In
stead of wheat.
A great Lincoln memorial In Potomac
park, Washington, is practically agreed
upon. Democrats' and republicans alike
favor it.
__
I It is still Governor-elect Dunne In Illi
nois. The emphasis is still on the "elec^t,"
for Hie deadlock shows no signs of sanity.
Thus far the country merchant Is not
going out of business because of the com
ing of the parcel post, and he never will.
One octogenarian in Boston says the
only rule lie knows for long life 1§ this:
"Keep you%^pmper and don’t worry."
Can Congress by a mere statute render
50 living Americans immortal? You should
read, Reginald, that list of names.
Mexico is between a volcano and the
ievolutionists and she considers one as
undesirable as the other. -
The American people will still call her
"Helen Gould." It Is a habit that cannot
lie overcome in a day.
Congress should not limit the "immor
tals" in this big country to 50. We have
50,0u0,ooo at least.
Illinois has a governor by deadlock. His
name is Deneen and he is becoming tired
v£ ins job. w *
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Brink Spring Trade Predicted
"Business has Started off very well In
the new year and I believe the first halt
of 1913 will witness a great deal of pros
perity, ’ said E. L». Chapman of Philadel
phia. "Manufacturers have been very
busy for nearly a year past. Uast fall
was a record breaker in the industrial
world and I believe this year will sc***
higher records. If we have good crops
next summer 1913 wall probably be a high
water mark year all round.”
Cnrnegic Pennlnn Fund
The second annual report of the I'nitod
States Steel and Carnegie Pension fund,
showing operations, for 1912 is interesting.
The fund wds established January 1,
1911, and is applicable to employes of the
Steel corporation. Judge E. H. Gary is
chairman of the fund. The total disburse
ments in 1912 w»re $358,780.92, and in 1011
there was a total of $281,457.37.
The disbursements to employes of the
Tennessee company amounted last year
to $1,183.50, distributed as follows: Bloc
ton works, $228.GO; Ensley works, $378.90;
Ketona quarry, $H4; Pratt mines, $28$;
Whitwell mines, $144.
Sunday Concerts Popular
“The Flonzaley concert last Sunday
afternoon at the Jefferson theatre was at
tended by a very large and discriminating
audience,” said a lawyer, “and it is very
evident that high class Sunday music is
coming to be as much in vogue here as in
other large cities.
"We have had no little fine music In
Birmingham within the past five or six
years, but it is not often that any audi
ence was so thoroughly satisfied as that
referred to. The programme was delight
ful and the ensemble of the Flonzaley
quartet above all criticism. I am still
meeting people who heard the Flonzaleys
and who are talking enthusiastically of
>hese great artists. If that quartet ever
returns to Birmingham the theatre wbJ
be packed to overflowing.”
Real Public Spirit
“Birmingham has always had a good
citizenship, but it Is only within the past
few years that we have had the get to
gether spirit, which is essential to what
we call public spirit," said a member of
t lie Chamber of Commerce. “There is
much genuine public spirit in this city
row, but there is still room for more.
“I was impressed with what I read
:n The Age-Herald ‘Bobby* column—ex
tracts from a letter written by a Bir
mingham man who is visiting Atlanta.
The name of the writer was not disclosed,
but I suspect that he is a certain gentle
man noted for his public spirit and for
his habit of helpfulness. It will do no
barm, and may do good, to reproduce
what this gentleman wrote:
“ ‘I notice in the Atlanta papers ^at
tho business men are raising a fund of
$12,500 to send a regiment of the National
Guard to the inauguration of President
Wilson; this in a city that last year
raised $400,OW for the Young Men’s Chris
t an association. $200,000 for a girls’ col
lege and $50,000 this year for grand opera.
“ ‘Surely Birmingham should cultivate
this spirit and promptly ‘put over’ the
$10,000 guarantee for the music festival.
We did nobly several years ago for our
Young MeTl's Christian association and
Young Women's Christian association, hut
seem obsessed with the idea that these
two efforts entitle us to a rest or ex
emption for 10 years.
** 'The ideal good citizen Is one who is
r«ady and willing at all times to give a
proportionate part of his time and money
whenever the public good can be con
served thereby. To make a great city
calls for personal ''sacrifice and a spirit
of cordial co-operation.* **
I in |mr til n I Mail V.lttle Knnnn
“George F. Raker of New York, who
was a witness before the Fujo com
mittee in the so-called money trust
probe the other day, Is not only a
multi-millionaire hut he Is a man of
strong character and uncommon dom
inance,” said a professional man.
“In one of the weeklies T saw a
fine picture of Mr. Raker and under It
was something like this: ‘The man
who has the unusual distinction of be
ing important but little known.’ Mr.
Raker was born at Troy, N. Y„ In
March, 1810. t first knew’ of hint as
a member of the executive eommitteo
of the Southern railway some eight
or ten years ago. There was talk of a
certain official losing his 'Job.' A friend
of mine In close touch with the com
pany said: ‘No, he won't. Hts hacker Is
George F. Baker.' I asked who Mr.
Baker was and was told that he was
a member of the executive committee
and the most potential man in the
whole organisation.
“Three or four jears ago Mr. Ba
ker visited the Birmingham district.
He wired his old friend, Mr. Maben,
and asked him to meet him the next
morning at the Terminal station and
.loin him in his private car for the day.
Mr. Baker was making a tour of In
spection of the Southern, but, helng a
member of the finance committee of
the United States Steel corporation,
he spent an hour or so looking over
the Tennessee company’s plants at
Ensley. To all Intent and purpose he
was traveling Incog. Had it been
known that so eminent a man In the
financial world was in the district
there would have been some public
hospitality. But Mr. Baker always
shunned anything like elaborate social
‘functions.’ At any rate he met very
few persons here.
“Talk about interlocking directors,
Mr. Baker Is a striking example. He
was president of the First National
bank of New 1 ork until three years
ago, when he accepted the position of
chairman of the board. He Is presi
dent of the First Security company
and president of several other large in
stitutions. He Is vice president of the
Bankers' Safe Deposit company, of the
Jersey City Wuter Supply company;
Becoml vice president of the Northern
Securities company, and a director In
these companies: New York Central
and Hudson River Railroad company,
tile Chicago, Burlington and putney,
the New York Central and St. lx>uis
Railroad company, the Erie Railroad
company, the I.ehiah Valley Railroad
company, the Northern Pacific Railroad
company, the West Shore Railroad
ccmpany, the Southern and other
railroad companies, the United States
Steel corporation, the Chase National
hank of New York, the First National
hank of Chicago, the National Bank of
Commerce of New York, the Manhat
tan hank, the New port, Rhode Island,
Industrial company, the Continental
Insurance company, the American Tel
ephone and Telegraph company, the in
ternational Harvester company, the
New England Navigation company, the
New York Edison company, the New
York Mutual Gas Eight company, the
Pullman company, the Adams Express
company, the Mutual Elfe Insurance
company and many other well known
corporations, lie is a member of the
Jletropolilun Museum u£ Ail, of the
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT WOODROW WILSON
and several matters of local interest
IOOK out, Mr. Trust man!
Woodrow Wilson is after you! He
^ Is a progressive, and he is after the
brigade who have made all sorts and
kinds of money by combining and cutting
out the small fellows.
He is going into the presidency as a
trust buster; and he is going to make
every man show his hand.
Wilson really has the right Idea. lie
wants every man- and every corporation
to stand upon a concrete foundation, built
down and settled upon the solid rock
like unto the supports of a 30 story of
iiee building.
* * *
Some people think he has too much of
the educational, or the college training
about him. ThJs may be true, but when
he assumes the presidential office the real
thing will be before him, and he has the
1 rain and the sinew to parse the sentence
and put it into the practical.
He may have to pull from the pulpit, or
commence with the commercial; but he
has of practical knowledge sufficient to
Know men, and he will surround himself
with those who will do the proper and
r ght thing.
V .V V
That brings us back home in thought!
Some eight or ten months ago we were
criticising Commissioner Exum because
he was sick and absent. He was away
and he was drawing salary. But his fire
department went on, and his finances
were facts. He was a judge of men and
conditions.
Exum is now not annoying himself with
tne trivial but Is figuring out the finances
of the city, and when he does it we will
all know where we stand and what we
can do. v
* * *
The real trouble with the city commis
sioners of Birmingham is that each one
of them tries to do too much of the de
tail. If they w'ould outline policy and
stfirf) aside for the lieutenants to enforce
discipline much better would be the or
ganization.
Outline to your fire chief what he is to |
do. Let him organize the men under
trim.
Do the same with your chief of police, j
Hold him responsible and require a mill- !
tary organization and results.
The same with your street commission
er. Require good and well kept streets.
* * * ,
And that reminds me that the First
avenue street to East Lake is getting bad.
It needs attention. Commissioner Weath
erly will have the plaudits of all if he will
pave his Eighth avenue boulevard to
Ensley.
Jim Weatherly is really a good com
missioner when he gives his time to the
practical. If he would only cut out the
people who want to talk to him about
regulating the shrubs and the scintillating
sophistries of atmospheric solvents arul
devote himself to rotund road and street
building he would be patted upon- the
back and called the commissioner gen
eral.
* * *
Really, what Birmingham wants now
is good streets, and what Jefferson coun
ty and all Alabama want is good *onds.
Some of my &< od friends in the coal
mining business think me drastic because
I want the convicts of the counties and
the state to work on the roads. There
are lots of things I could say, but only
one I shall say—and that is if the con
victs are put on the roads we will have
good roads—w?ll built and properly main
tained. If they are not the Board of rev
enue is responsible.
The present Board of Revenue of Jeffer
son county was elected on this issue. It
was “Work the cDnvicts on the roads and
build good roads in Jefferson county.”
This was promised and pledged. A cam
paign to make it a failure is on. If the
proper engineers and supervisors are not
employed the burden will be upon the
Eoard of Revenue; and be there failure
in doing the work which has been done
in Mecklenburg county, N. C., and in Ful
ton county, Ga., there will be those who
will come forward, and of a right, say
that these §onvi> ts have been so profita
ble to coal mining companies and county
officers that they were taken off the
roads.
Why should a .state convict or a county
convict be leased to an individual or a
corporation to work for him or it and
make him pr it a profit or a fortune?
Let the state use its convicts to build
up the state in its road construction, but
not to mature mines nor to make money ,
for a favored few who fancy that they
can frolic with -.he finances of the state.
* * #
Were f Governor O'Neal I would take
every convict out of every mine In the
state of Alabama and put everyone on
building roads. Suppose a few’ escape?
The total will not be as many as are
killed In the mines and who escape '
therefrom. In the meantime the state
will be made into a garden spot—the
farmer will be in town with his pro
duce and the man of training will
work in the mine without having to
compete with the shackled servant who
must work under the whip.
Too many men are living in Alabama
of the labor of the convict. Let them
live of themselves.
* * *
Should Governor O’Neal call an extra
t session of the Alabama legislature to
provide finances for the state he should
j include In his call a provision for the
regulation of the possession and car
rying of firearms. No man in Alabama
should own a gun, rifle or pistol with
out possessing a license for the owner
I ship of same. If a man would carry
a pistol in his pocket lie should be
authorized by license to do so and his
authority should be made public in the
county in which he liwes as provided
| by law*.
The law against carrying concealed
weapons should be strictly enforced.
Police officers and deputy sheriffs
should be authorized to examine or
search every man who enters a sa
loon or drinking place or who stops
in any public place, to ascertain if
he bears concealed weapons, and to
stop upon the public streets anyone
who appears to bear concealed weap
ons.
If such was the law Instead of some
three hundred homicides in Jefferson
county within the last year there
would not be one-tenth the number.
Think for yourself, you who must
be down town and about the district,
how many people you know who carry
"guns.” If you are at a mine or a
"plant” or working a bit out of town
you have a "gun.” It was only last
week at a little party that a young
man went into the dressing room c.nd
requested the coat boy to let hi»-**4s
tol remain in the corner under his
coat.
This young man didn’t want a pis
tol, but he lived many blocks down
Eleventh avenue, and he felt that
someone might hold him up in going
home. •
If there were an enforced law' here (
no one would fear to go home any
where at any hour unarmed.
National Academy of Designs and of
the American Fine Art society. In his
vounger d^ys he had a good voice and
frequently sang in glee clubs. He Is
now an honorary member of the Men
delssohn Glee club of New York.
"Willie Mr. Baker has few Intimate
friends, he Is not lacking In comrade
ship and the few friends he culti
vates are said to he bound to him by
hooks of steel. He Is unmarried."
BILLY'S .MISTAKE
Ir the February American magazine
Jcmes Montgomery Flagg, the famous wit
and artist, writes and Illustrates an
amusing article about the adventures of
a man named Billy who set out to hire a
cook. Following is an extruct showing
oi e of Billy's experiences at an employ
ment agency:
"Billy was trying to describe the sort
of a cook be wanted, and he suddenly
gtasped the agent by the wrist and point
ed rudely:
•There! the one with the black hat
with tlie white leather duster on it! She
looks like what I’d prefer to have around
too house; bring her over; let me talk
t > her.'
•• 'She’s looking for a maid herself,
smiles Che agent. 'That is Miss Vera Lip
salve of the Winter Garden!' "
DAYYY DEEVER
By Rudyard Kipling.
What are bugles blowin' for?” said
Flles-on-Parade.
To turn you out, to turn you out," the
i 'olor-Sergeant saitl.
"What Makes you lApk sn white, so
white.?" said Flles-on-Ffarade.
"I'm dreadin' what I've got to watch,"
the Color-Sergeant said.
For they're hangin' Danny Deever, you
can hear the dead march play,
The regiment's in 'ollow square—they're
hangin’ him today:
They've taken of his buttons oft an’ cut
his stripes away.
An’ they're hangin' Danny Deever in
the mornin'.
"What makes the rear rank breathe so
• ’ard?" said Files-on-Parade.
“It's bitter cold, It's bitter cold," the
Color-Sergeant said.
"What makes that front-rank man fall
down?” said Fiies-on-Parade.
"A touch o' sun, a touch o' sun,” the
Color-Sergeant said.
They are hanging' Danny Deever, they
are marchln’ of 'im 'round.
They ave 'alted Danny Deever by ’is
coffin on the ground:
An' e ll swing in arf a minute for a
sneakin' shoutin' hound—
O they're hangin' Dany Deever In the
mornin'.
•"Is cot was right-'and cot to mine,"
said Files-on-Parade.
" 'K's sleepin' out an' far tonight." the
Color-Sergeant said.
"I've drunk 'is beer a score o’ times,"
said Files-on-Parade.
"'K's drlnkin' bitter beer alone,” the
Color-Sergeant said.
They’re hangin’ Danny Deever, you must
mark 'im to is place,
For 'e shot a comrude sleepin'—you
must look 'im in the face;
Nine 'undred of his county an' the regi
ment's disgrace.
While they're hangin' Danny Deever in
the mornin'.
"What's that so black again’ the sun?"
said Fiies-on-Parade.
"It's Danny tightln' ard for life," the
Color-Sergeant said.
• \Vhf#t's that that whimpers over'ead?"
said Files-on-Parade.
‘It's Danny's soul that's passin’ now,”
the Color-Sergeant said.
For they're done with Danny Deever,
you can 'ear the quickstep play.
The regiment s in column, an' they're
marchln' us away: (
Mo! the young recruits are shakin’, an'
they'll want their beer today.
After hangin’ Danny Deever in the
mornin’. ^ , w
| ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
THE HAPPY WAYFARER.
Bill Wanders was smoking
And thusly he spake.
The high cost of living
Ne'er keeps me awake,
I travel wherever
It suits me to go—
Far south when the blizzards
Of winter time blow,
Then north in the summer,
To 'scape from the heat.
I sleep when it pleases,
I’ve plenty to eat.
"I never pdy money
For riding on trains,
A fight with a brakeman
The worst of my pains.
No hotel clerk flaunts me,
No head waiter frowns.
I tarry quite cheaply
In dozens of towns.
Tis true that my garments
Aren't always well pressed;
It frequently happens
I’m carelessly dressed.
"And needing a ‘bawth’ and
A shave, maybe, too.
But granted these hardships,
My troubles are few.
O glad is the life of
A knight of the road.
Though little respected
At home or abroad.
Let socialists rave and
Economists fight,
Bill Wanders will tell you
This world is all right!”
DISCOVERED!
The old-fashioned barber who calls at
tention to your increasing bald spot by
saying, "You’ll soon be barefooted.”
SPARE US, PLEASE.
A sorry sight we've never met.
And hope wre never will,
Ts a mud-bespattered suffragette
Who’s marching up a hill.
QUITE SO.
"According to the old saying. 'A man !s
known by the company he keeps.' ”
“No doubt, but his ability to cause
other people trouble lies chiefly In the
kind of company he promotes.”
A DIFFICULT TASK.
Dan Cupid showed a pair of scales,
Said Venus. "What wilt do, Love?”
Said he. "Although it naught avails.
I'm bent on weighing true love.”
Ql’ITJf'USELESS.
Philosophy is not of much use to a
man who is wearing a collar with a rough
edge that saws his Adam's apple every
time he tries to look at a pretty woman.
A PROMISE.
The birthday of George Washington
Will soon be here again:
We take applause upon ourself
Because we shall refrain
From any old moth-eaten Jokes
About the cherry tree:
That all such quips have lost their zest,
We re sure you will agree.
WHAT'S THE USE?
Dibbs alw’avs wore his overshoes
And wrapped his throat to keep it warm;
He bundled up from head to heel
Wliene'er he fa<the winter storm.
Such care he took to 'scape from colds.
You would have thought he'd ne'er be
sick.
But once a week his wifey 'phoned,
“O, doctor, doctor, please come quick!
“My husband dear is verS- 111.
I'm much afraid lie'll pass away;
He kicked the cover off last night
And has a dreadful cold today.”
WASTED EFFORT.
Many a man spends years trying to
create the impression among his inti
mates that he has had a wild and wicked
I
past, when nobody believes he ever did
anything worse than drinking a few beers
and sitting in the front row at a giri
show.
WHAT A PITY.
Many a good cook has been spoiled for
life because somebody told her she looked
like Julia Marlowe.
WHERE’S HE?
Now where's the bard
Who's ne’er essayed
To rhyme about
A pretty maid?
WANTS TO DIE SOON.
"Are you still following those rules
you used to follow, so you would live a
long time?"
"No. Since I moved out to Drury Sta
tion 1 ve lost interest In longevity.”
DEMAND FOR REAL MUSIC.
Tn an assembly room of the National
Press club In Washington, Representa
tive Bartholdt of Missouri and Represen
tative "Nick” Long-worth of Ohio were
charming the evening with the sweet and
mellow burden of music. Bartholdt, wav
ing his German whiskers like & baton,
caressed the piano on which he was ac
companying the greatest political fiddler
row extant. Nick, swaying from side to
side the head which despises the conceal
ment of hair, had delved deep into the
treasury of classical tunes ajid was rap
idly breaking every finger in his attempts
to make the thing go.
Around the two performers stood a
group of men who knew nothing about
what was being played, but who wore
expressions that looked like a cross be
tween great admiration and infinite dis
tress. That was some concert! Everybody
understood this and remained profoundly
silent.
Just when the stillness was thick
enough to spin into crape, Tom Monk,
who writes for the papers, stuck his head
through the door and in a raucous tone
voiced this plebeian request:
"Nick, play Turkey in the Straw’!”—
The Popular Magazine.
A MODEL WIFE.
"Plllbury. what does your wife say
when you arrive home In the small hours
| of the morning?"
"She says, ‘Come in. dear.’ "
L
IRON PIGS.
I guess I’ve seen a million pigs,
As quiet as could be:
If one of them should ever grunt.
It sure would startle me.
BEFORE THE PRINTED SLIP.
‘ Scribbles has been following a literary
career for many years.”
“Yes, indeed. Why, Scribbles can re
member the time when editors expressed
their regrets w'ith a pen and ink.”
PAUL COOK.
HARD TO DECIDE
Prom the Louisville^Courier-Journal.
Ibe “sideswiplng” of a Cumberland
river boat by a train over whose tracks
• he steamer was navigating the more or
lets peaceful waters of the overflowed
Cumberland has opened a discussion as
to which common carrier was within its
rights. This recalls the unsettled ques
tion as to whether the Colorado farmer
whose .farm was deposited, by a land
f.-ide upon the farm of a man down tilt
mountain side, remained an owner or
cume a tenant of the own%f ot the under*
lying real estate. ^

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