The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], March 31, 1913, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HER ALD
13. W. BARXE1T Editor
Entered at the Birmingham Ala.,
jtostofflce os second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1879.
Daily and Sunday Age-HeTald.... $8.00
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through the mails. Address,
THE AUK-HERALD.
Birmingham, Ala.
"^Tvashingtminjureaur^O^HRib^TjuUd
European bureau, 5 Henrietta street,
; Covent Garden. London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 t
to, inclusive. Tribune building, New
York city; western business office,
hribune building, Chicago. The S. G.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
seign advertising.
telephone
I Dell (private exchange connecting
nil departments), No. 4*0*.
R. --
A barren-spirited fellow.
_Troll ns nnd Crcssldn.
New French Ministry
• By a majority of 63 the programme
■bf the Barthou ministry was adopted
by the chamber of deputies. This pro
gramme calls for a series of army
"measures to be pushed through at the
‘outset, and then for the appointment
!„f a joint committee of members of
the senate and of the chamber of
deputies to prepare an electoral re
form bill providing for proportional
Representation of majorities and
^minorities. »
Briand, a strong man, went out ol
office on account of proportional rep
resentation. The bill had passed the
(chamber of deputies and was amended
jn the senate in such a way that the
, Briand ministry resented the change
by resigning. Premier Barthou is not
r man of any particular prominence,
although he has had a long parlia
mentary experience.
Proportional representation is fa
vored by President Poincare, and it
will no doubt come up again. It aims
to divide the representation of a de
partment in the chamber of deputies
justly between the majority and
minority. If the majority casts three
fourths of the votes it should have
three-fourths of the deputies in a par
ticular department, and the minority
should have the other one-fourth.
There are many political groups in
France, and this renders the system
more complex.
Illinois has adopted proportional
representation, and so have Belgium, |
Finland, Tasmania and some of the j
cantons of Switzerland. One difficulty i
in the way is to make the voter ap- \
preciate the change and to act up to
it. The plans in no two countries
agree. Proportional representation is (
in other words a difficult subject to
liandle.
How Congress Will Stand
Congress is about to nfeet, and
Vhen it does three parties will pre
sent themselves, the democratic, re
publican and progressive. All three
/will be regularly organized. Victor
Murdock of Kansas will lead the pro
gressives, Jumes Mann of Illinois the
[Republicans, and Oscar W. Underwood
(the democrats.
The democrats will number 290,
(fend the opposition 145. In other
*^vords the democrats will iiave a clear
I*
^majority of 145, or two to one. No
fewer than 158 members in the House
[will take their seats next Monday for
"the first time. There are solid demo
cratic delegations in the- House from
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colo
rado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida,
[Cerogia, Indiana, Louisiana, Mary
land, Mississippi, Montana, New
^Hampshire, New Mexico, the Caro
flinas and Texas, and solid republi
can delegations from Idaho, Nevada,
'the Dakotas, Oregon, Utah, Vermont,
*W ashington and Wyoming.
The democratic majority in the
^iouse is ample. It is almost unpre
cedented. In the Senate, however, the
democratic majority will be small—
Possibly six or seven—and the action
©f the Senate on the taf-iff bill and
the income tax will be carefully an
alyzed and sifted.
South’s Resources and Progress
The Baltimore Manufacturers’ Rec
ord’s issue of last week was in two
parts—Part I covering the usual work
for the week and Part II embracing
about 350 pages in which the story of
this section is told under the title of
“The South: The Nation’s Greatest As
set.” In this special number is found
an exceptionally attractive and valu
able presentation of facts and figures.
Statistics used to be considered ex
tremely dry and they will always be
dry unless they are properly arranged
and the relation of one fact to another
is explained. But the statistical work
®f the Manufacturers’ Record is nota
bly illuminating year in and year out.
The facts that it digs up and the opti
mistic views that it presents from
ftfee to time have been of untold ben
tfit to this southland. But no indus
A
! trial edition, perhaps, has ever been
issued by the Record or any other
periodical equal in value to this.
The south has made giant strides
in the past 30 years but in order to
understand its progress and to com
prehend in a measure the south’ splen
did future one should read and digest
as far as possible Part II of the Man
ufacturers’ Record.
An editorial in The Record closes
with these thoughtful and animating
words:
“What of the future? Will its record
when written tell of achievements in
material things for the betterment of
mankind, the advance of educational
and religious activities in keeping with
what has been wrought in the past, or
will it tell of wasted opportunities by
a people who have not measured up to
the situation ?
“We have faith that the sense of re
sponsibility to themselves and to the
world will be developed in southern
people to a larger extent even than
ever before. We believe that more
and more they will realize that great
.opportunities bring great responsibil
ities; that the proud heritage which
is theirs demands achievements
worthy of it.
“Unto the past let all honor be
given, but let us at the same time
prove worthy of that past, may well
be the universal sentiment of the peo
ple of this heaven-favored land.”
Reducing the Tariff
The forthcoming revision of the
tariff to a revenue basis will be known
in our political history as “the Under
wood Dill,” whether it be presented as
one whole or schedule by schedule. It
will be a party measure intended to
meet the urgent demands of the Bal
timore platform, and the party and
the administration Will stand or fall
by what this bill presents when it be
comes law. Party discipline will push
it through, and it is believed it will
be passed without material alteration.
Minority Leader Mann is opposed
to mere obstruction to the tariff pro
gramme of the democratic party. “The
people of the country,” says Mr.
Mann, “have decided as between the
two‘parties in favor of the democratic
party, which advocates an economic
change. No matter whether the demo
crats are right or wrong the people
have upheld them on this point and I
do not approve of any policy of ob
struction \jn view of that fact.”
The country calmly awaits the meet
ing' of Congress in extra session on
April 7. The great work of tariff re
vision has been going on for weeks,
almost for months, and it is believed
a bill for revenue only has been drawn
up which will do no harm to any hon
est industrial Interest. The party and
the administration know that the hour
of trial is at hand and the hope is
that the unity and spirit of the party
in power will suffer no losses in the
discussions and acts of the coming
session._
Hookworm Work in (he South
The third annual report of the Rock
efeller sanitary commission shows
that during the year 1912 no fewer
than 238,765 persons were treated for
hookworm disease in 11 states in the
south. It is claimed that upward of
400,000 sufferers from the parasite
have been cured. In 1912 there were
320,961 microscopic examinations. In
this number were 78,572 rural chil
dren between the ages of 6 and 18.
The report mentions one family. A
father, mother and seven children
living in a filthy one-room cabin,
every member infected with the hook
worm disease, barely getting a living
from a small, washed, unproductive
farm, and all of them illiterate, have
undergone a family transformation.
Within two years after the simple
cure the father and his older sons have
built a neat frame dwelling of two
stories; the younger children are in
school; the farm is productive, and the
whole family is well and happy. This
is but one of the commission’s re
peated experiences.
The commission expended in 1912
the sum of $184672, or 77 cents for ev
ery person helped to a better living.
The work of the commission is not
fully appreciated by all the people of
the south, but it surely will be when
the sad affects of the hookworm are
more generally understood.
Mrs. Jane Trlnkle died in Bristol, Tenn.,
aged 102 years. Not long ago stie gave
her rules for attaining long life. “To live
loi\g and enjoy life as I have," she said,
“people must come back to the simpler
forms and be content with less speed.
Nature is the best nurse, and nature’s
laws must be obeyed. 1 have lived long
because of simple methods and because 1
didn’t hurry with every task In life. More
tomorrows are assured to those who go
about life calmly and are content to
leave off the strain. My life tenure has
been lengthened because I never nursed
worries; because I loved the lields and
brooks and found time to drink in the sun
shine and the open air. Frequent visits
to the brook with hook and line, and obed
ience to my parents, and my reverence for
Godly things arc among the things that
5 have made my life long and pleasant.’’
Both Huntington Wilson and Professor
Moore succeeded in making their resig
nations stick.
, The lists of reformed spelling are
cubist pictures of the English language.
Senator Sutherland of Utah, chairman of
the Senate committee on public buildings
;ind grounds In the last Congress, is net
disturbed over a question raised by Con
gressman Mann of Illlnoidtconcerning the
validity of the public buildings bill passed
in Hie last Congress, carrying nearly $40.
000,000. Congressman Mann points out
that the Congressional Record shows that
when the conference report was finally
i agreed to only four Items were read in a
formal way and agreed to, and that as to
the rest of the conference report, or what
became of Jt, the Congressional Record is
silent. Senator Sutherland believes the
Congressional Record is not conclusive as
to what v.as done. “It Is only evidence
of what was done in conference," said the
senator.
Senator Hoke Smith of Georgia said be
fore leaving Atlanta that at the extra
session, beginning April 7, Congress would
pass the tariff revision bill, including a
free sugar bill; that It would enact an in
come tax hill, and that tentative meas
ures, looking to a reform of the country’s
banking and currency system would be in
troduced. Of particular interest to the
farmers of Georgia and the. south was the
statement of Senator Smith that he had
no doubt the taxes would be taken off
agricultural implements, lies, bagging and
wire fencing.
Theodore B. Dale, the Importer and
ladles' tailor who committed suicide at his
| home, 23 West One Hundred and Twenty
sixth street, New York, on Wednesday
rather than face trial on a change made
against him by a young man, left a for
tune of more than $2,000,000 according to
an estimate which ,vas made last night
by Attorney William W. Da Point, in
whose offices at the Dong Acre building
Dale signed his will last Wednesday. The
entire estate was left to his uncle, Maurice
Brodzkl of Dondon, with the exception
of a bequest of $10,000 to Mount Sinai hos
pital.
Frederick L. Hoffman, statistician of
the Prudential Insurance company, de
clared at Newark that cancer claims 75,000
victims yearly in the United States and
500,000 in the civilized world. A nation
wide campaign for education in the in
dications of incipent cancer, or even non
malignant tumors, would aid materially,
Mr. Hoffman said, in the efforts to reduce
the mortality from this preventable dis
ease. Such educational efforts have been
successful in Germany and other Euro
pean countries, he asserted.
Because she had no home after she was
rescued from the flood district on the
west side of Dennison, Miss Florence P.
Shancr wedded William G. Wahlenmaier. ,
The couple had intended being married in
May. The girl was rescued by Wahleri- ;
maier. Her mother was drowned and
* their home swept aw iy.
The appendix is placed in the human an
atomy to serve a definite purpose. Ask
tlie doctors. They know, but may not be
willing to tell.
Any trunk more than 45 inches long
must pay excess baggage rates. This is
the edict of the interstate commerce com.
I mission.
No member of the Wilson administration
has made a trip to the Panama canal.
Give it credit for that at any rate.
The Illinois deadlock was broken by
Governor Dunne. In the language of the
street, “Governor Dunne dun done it.”
The men in London who are wearing
aigrettes in their hats should wear point
lace or duchesse collars.
The cubists have been requested to draw’
Huerta in the act "bf establishing a gov
ernment by butchery.
The question for today is, in which cor
ner of a cellar should one stand when a
cyclone is coming.
Missouri is proud of her lead mines, but
she is still prouder of her hens wrhlch j
are a gold mine.
That great forecaster, Col. George Har
vey, should apply at once for Willis
Moore’s place.
The most of the place hunters have not
yet reached the pie counter.
Easter finery will keep but the mil
linery bills will not.
The frogs will soon begin to do their
spring harblngering.
Austria refuses to hit a country of her
own size.
THE POT HINTER
From Judge.
There was once a man who called him- |
self a sport, because he loved to go out
with his rod and gun and see how m&ny
fish or fowl he could kill in a day, with
out regard to his real needs.
When he had made a particularly large
killing he would have postcard pictures (
of himself and his victims taken, to send
to his friends far and near.
One day this man died and applied to
St. Peter for admission to heaven. St.
Peter inquired his name, and, on learning
it, looked over his card file of human
beings. At the applicant's name he dis
covered a copy of each one of these post
cards. Taking them out and handing
them to the man, St. Peter asked casually
if they were correct.
“Yes,” said the latter, with a touch of
pride.*
‘‘Then,’* said St. Pet or, 'hell is your fu- I
ture home. We have no facilities here
for cooking such quantities of game.”
Ill It NETT’S STRIKING APPEARANCE
From the Popular Magazine.
Representative John I,. Burnett of Ala- j
bania is the midget of the House of Rep- |
resentatives. While he is large of girth
and has absolutely no neck at all, he is
surprisingly short of stature.
When he first opened his law office in
his home town, he was employed to de- i
fend a mountaineer charged with a petty j
offense. When the case was called in
• ourt, the judge asked the defendant if
he. had a lawyer to represent him.
"Yes, your honor, 1 had one, but I don’t
see him here this morning, explained tne
mountaineer.
“What was his name?” arked the judge.
“I don't remember his name.” /
••Well, what did he look like?”
*\llc looked like the Jack of spades.”
“Mr. Sheriff,” promptly ordered the
judge, “call John Burnett.”
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
The »n Administration
“President Wilson basf been at the
head of the government nearly four
weeks and he seems to have become"
thoroughly familiar with the duties of
his high and exacting office/’ said L.
T. Larue of Pittsburg. "I voted for
Mr. Wilson because l am a democrat,
but he is turning out to be a more suc
cessful chief executive than I had ex
pected.
“I am no politician hut prior to the j
Baltimore convention I had thought an
experienced statesman, like Mr. Under
wood, or an experienced politician, like
Champ Clark, would have suited the
party better, but Mr. Wilson has been
an agreeable surprise to many of us.
All literary men and all men of the1
educational world have long recognized
Mr. Wilson as one of our best all round
scholars. He Is unquestionably one of
our greatest men of letters and in the
department of political history he has
done more good work than any other
contemporaneous educator or author.
And It looks now as if he were going
to make a new high record in the presi
dential office.”
Important Gathering
"The convention of the National Good
Hoads federation, which will meet here
on April 24-25, will be a most important
gathering," said a well known good
roads advocate. "Birmingham will re
ceive a world of advertising from this
(went. Some of the best informed men
(Mi road building and men who are deep
ly interested on the subject ' wifi" bo
here for this gathering and it is ex
pected that a majority of the states of
tho union will be represented.
"This convention is held for tho pur
pose of aRltatinR the subject of Rood
roads. adopting a plan by which all the
Rood roads association can aftree on,
to consolidate in one Rreat body and
ro to Congress with a broad and com
prehjpsive bill for federal aid. There
are six or seven national organisations
all ivorkinR for good roads, and advo
eatinR different bills for national aid.
I tic outcome of this meetinR is frauRht
with a great deal of interest by the
Rood roads 'advocates all over the
United .States who have the ctause
of building good roads at heart and
desire concerted action.”
Street Pfivlnj?
“There has been a great deal of
complaint about the broken up streets
and most of us have lost our patience
during tne past few weeks, but now
that a good deal of paving in the busi
ness district is nearing completion we
can see how beautiful our streets will
be," said a merchant,
1 have traveled considerably and
have seen no finer streets anywhere
than First avenue. The creosoted
wooden blocks make an ideal road-bed
and in time Birmingham will he known
for its splendid streets in the business
centre.
One serious trouble here now Is the
automobile congestion or rather tile,
parking of automobiles. No one should
he allowed to keep an automobile
standing two or three hours in front of
a business house. Just what the solu-'
tlon is i am not prepared to say but
something should be done to relieve the
situation."
Touring With nu Orchestra
“One of tile most entertaining articles in
!tho last Harper's Weekly is entitled.
Touring W ith an Orchestra—the Humors
and Tribulations Incident to Taking a
Symphony Orchestra on the Road,' by
W. E. Walter,” said an old music ,over.
Mr. W alter recalls the early days when
Theodore Thomas and hts symphony band
used to travel over the country in the
70s and early 80s, and when the Boston
Symphony orchestra began to make its
trips through the middle west about IS
years ago.
“This country lias made a wonderful
advance in the realm of art, and especially
in music. All the cities of 400,0X1 to 500,
000 and upward have first class sym
phony orchestras—endowed or guaranteed
and a few of the lesser cities have con
cert orchestra* that do creditable work.
But many of us can remember when even
in the metropolitan cities only compara
tively few people could appreciate a sym
phony programme or realize the difference
between a negro minstrel orchestra and
a symphony orchestra. Mr. Walter tells
this anecdote of the late Fred Coulee,
for years assistant manager of the Boston
Symphony: ‘Jn a thriving city of central
New York the orchestra was greeted upon
its arrival by the local theatre manager
with the cairn indifference assumed when
the house is rented and th§ money' is as
sured, whether or not any tickets are
sold. The advance sale was discouraging
and Comee turned to the manager of the
theatre for comfort and suggestions.
“When do you parade?" asked tile
local man.
‘‘Parade?" queried Comee in a puzzle.
"Sure. Don’t yo.ir troupe always pa
rade before the show? You won't do no
business without it." And the Impresario
was right.
* ’’ 'Although the local theatre managers
do not regard an orchestra as a black
face minstrel troupe, their attitude toward
it Is still full of suspicion, tinged with
contempt.’
"And here is another story which Mr.
Walter raltes: ’The darkness of the mus
ical middle ages of America has not yet
entirely disappeared. Within the last few
years a New England city not more than
125 miles from Boston made application
Tor tlie services of the Boston Symphony
orchestra to give a concert to be followed
by a ball, the local committee hoping that
the “leader” had a good collection of
dance music. Yet the manager of a sym
phony orchestra who arranges a tour of
cities and towns that nave no orchestras
of their own, on the presumption that
these communities are still in the depths
of musical Ignorance, is certain to get into
difficulties.’ ”
Increase In Population
"About this time three years ago Uncle
Sain was ready to take the census of
the United States," observed a local sta
tistician. "The work of enumeration be
gan In April, 1910, and when the returns
were in and the compilation made Bir
mingham was credited with a population
of 132,685.
“According to last year's school census
we haxl grown In two years' time at the
rate of 10,000 a ?ear. 1 believe the next
school ednsus. which will lie in 1914, will
indicate a snuch higher rate of grow th. I
believe Birmingham has increased in pop
ulation fully 40,000 Since the federal census
was taken. There are many evidences of
our rapid growth, among them being the
increasing number of boarding houses.
And every boarding hpuse that is opened
scents to be filled up Immediately.”
Wall Street Point of View
Henry Clews In Ills Saturday review
says in part:
“The bone outlook aside from the
floods is also better. This applies par
ticularly * to political conditions. Mr.
Wilson has made an excellent Impres
sion thus, far as President, and the
belief is growing that he will stand not
only for moderation in tariff revision,
but also in new legislation generally.
Mr. Wilson, though a progressive, is
by no means a radical, and there are in
dications that he will be able to exer
cise a wise and soothing influence upon
Congress. What is also encouraging
is the Indication of waning radicalism
in the House Itself. Now that the
President!^ election is over and the
next campaign is nearly four years dis
tant, there is less occasion for spectac
ular political demonstration. For a
period at least the public is entitled
to rest from unreasoning political agi
tation. Another very favorable Indica
tion is the increasing prospect for
banking and currency reform. Mr.
j Wilson is known to be taking a very
j serious and Intelligent interest in this
subjecX, and is inclined to take the po
sition that if a satisfactory bill can be
passed during the extra session of Con
gress he would favor a movement in
that direction. Much depends upon the
activity of business men. The subject
is one which the average voter can no
more understand than he would a the
orem in geometry. He must inevitably
depend upon the experienced Judgment
of others. The question will have to be
decided by those chiefly interested, and
the legislature can probably be trusted
to pass a reasonably satisfactory bill
if the business sentiment of the coun
try insists.
“Technically the stock market is in
sound condition. This was strikingly
proved by the first resistance of prices
to the losses caused by flodd in the
west. The local money situation should
improve from now on, ample prepara
tions having been made for the April
settlements.”
About PenonM
Fayette R. Plumb of Philadelphia, a
prominent manufacturer of tools, is the
guest of W. A. Chenoweth.
* • •
W. H. Hassinger, who has been in
the east for a week or more, is ex
pected to return Wednesday.
WHAT WAITERS REALLY DO
From the Popular Magazine.
Stuart C. l^eake, the railroad man^
dropped into a cafe in Philadelphia one
day for lunch, and signified by voice and
gestures that lie was in a terrific hurry
to be served. A waiter named Reno,
whom Leake knew, paid absolutely no at
tention to the guest, but consumed at
least five minutes dancing in a demented
manner around a stock ticker in the cor
ner.
“Why on earth didn’t you come here to
this table when I called you?” asked
Leake.
‘ ‘ l was detained by a little private busi
ness,’’ said the waiter mysteriously.
“But I insist on knowing,” Leake came
back at him. “1 don’t see how a waiter
can hold his job and behave the way you
do. If you don’t step sharp now, you’ll
get no tip.”
This semed to bring the waiter to his
senses.
“Well, Mr. Leake,” he said, with great
humility. “I was celebrating a little. I
just saw by the stock ticker that 1 had
made $1000 on the short side of the mar
ket. What’ll you have, sir?”
THE LATEST FIRE ENGINE
From the New York Times.
An interesting new type of automobile
lire engine fbr Paris has just been de-<
cided upon by the municipal council. The
machine will be of specially light con-,
struction, and will carry four men only,
but will be fitted with a large tank con
taining 400 litres of water. Thus, an the
engine arrives on the scene of a lire it can
| begin pumping water while the firemen
are making the necessary connection at
the nearest main with a minimum waste
of time. The new patterns is a vast im
provement on the cumbersome automo
bile fire engines which the Paris brigade
possesses at present and which in the fu
ture will be used only as auxiliaries in
exceptionally large fires.
ACTIVE BOSTON CENTENARIAN
From the Boston Record.
At the great age of 100, all but two
months. Ralph Butler of Columbia road,
Dorchester, walked to city hall yesterday,
paid his water taxes, walked around the
city for a few minutes and returned home,
not at all tired. He says he didn’t see
why any one should wonder at that, as
he feels "as young as he ever did.” Mr. i
Butler is broad shouldered and stands
straight as a young man.
A VERSATILE BARBER
From the London Evening Standard.
On a sign over a barber's shop at
Stlerum, Holland: _ _
Barent YVonters lends donkeys ||
| . on hire like his father, kills pigs, |
smokes hams and occupies him- |
self with all kinds of swinish de- |j
tall work; also shaves and cuts |
liair, except on Sundays. |
ECONOMY', FRUGALITY, INDUSTRY
From the Popular Magazine.
The original tightwad live* in Missouri.
According to those who know him, he Is
so tight that he saves the tips of his shoe
laces and sells them for old iron, and in
the last 22 years he has realized 11 cents
from their sale.
UAULED FOR BLOOD
From the Chicago Tribune.
‘‘Sandy looks as if he had been fight
ing.”
"He has been fighting; a fellow said
something in his presence about ‘musi
cians and bagpipes,’ and San*dy sailed
into him.”
THE GOOD OLD DAYS
From the Galveston News.
Moreover, the cost of living was a
good deal lower when a woman felt all
right to go on a visit to the neighbors
with a shawl on her head and her bare
hands wrapped in her apron.
SALUTARY LESSON
From the Houston Post.
Two white men were legally hanged in
Birmingham for murdering a negro. A
'remarkable occurrence that, but it is a
rude shock to people who think anybody
has the right to kill a negro.
SURE TO BE CENSURED
From the Houston Post.
That Alabama sensation has reached the
stage where it Is now certain that nobody
tan hope to steal a million dollars of pub
lic money in that state without arousing
more o» less indignation.
THINGS TO WOBBY ABOUT
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
•i. K. Suffer has the garbage con
' tract in Omaha.
FRANK GOULD’S GRIEVANCE
. *
By BILL VINES
Washington, March 30.—
(Special)—Frank J. Gould is
angry with us. Frank says
that he is going over to Paris and make
a noise like a Frenchman. What peeved
Frank is the way the United States
government interferes with business.
It's plumb disgusting to Frank and he
has decided to expatriate himself and
leave it with us.
Frank has been feeling a little un
kindly toward the United States ever
sinco Judge Hough fined him 1000 iron
men, on an indictment under the Sher
man anti-trust act. back in 1911. Now
the whole matter has culminated by
Frank’s indignantly kicking Uncle Sam
in the pants and renouncing him as his
parent.
Frank likes our brand of dollars and
gold bonds, but the customs and man
ners of the country make him seasick.
So he and ills wife, formerly Udltli
Kelly, a show girl, and his three sis
ters, Misses Hetty, Mabel and Mathilde
Gould, have departed from our midst,
and threaten to remain so permanently.
This is Indeed a sad blow. It pains
us to convey this intelligence to the
public, but it must be done. The coun
try iB beginning to taste the results
of a democratic administration; first
we lost Huntington, and now here goes
Frank. Thus do we see, one by one,
drifting away from us forever some of
our most prominent citizens, all because
the government has developed a preju-s
dice against the refined and cultured
way in which they relieve the people
of any worry whatsoever about money
matters by taking what they have from
them, and because gome of us have not
learned to hold our fork properly when
eating pic. Another thing that dis
gusts Mr. Gould is, he can’t stand to
listen to the average American eat his
soup. He insists that there is a lot of
discord and lack of harmony.
We are bound to admit that Frank
has a grievance. We must remember
that Frank was born with a solid gold
souvenir spoon in his mouth, and a
pair of coupon shears in each hand. He
has breathed a different atmosphere
from the most of us and it shocks his
nervous system to come into contact
with the plain people. He married in
the most exclusive chorus girl set, the
members Of which would never think
of eating English peas with a knife,
unless no spoon was handy, or pouring
their coffee in a saucer, if it was too
hot.
Still Frank ought to remember that
the Gould family was not always thus.
That is not so thus as they might have
been. His father, the late lamented
Jay, when he first started out to ac
cumulate a few run-down railroads,
was in such reduced circumstances that
he was compelled to water stock for a
living. He was, however, a pronounced
success. As a rehasher of railroads and
cradicator of finances in the pockets of
everybody else except his own, Jay cer
tainly was no slouch. There were
many prominent citizens back in Jay's
time who would have burst into ap
plause If Jay had announced his inten
tion of going to France and points east
and remain gone till the sweet bye and
bye, but Jay refrained from doing so.
Jay was raised up with the “rough
stuff” and it did not affect his appetite.
He stayed on the job and worked both
sides of the street. He flourished long
before the anti-trust law was thought
of and passed into the unknown hence
before William J. Bryan elected every
man with $2.65 to the predatory wealth
class. But he left Frank behind. Not
that there was any special or unani
mous demand for him to do so, but
probably because Frank preferred to
stay. And now Frank has decided that
he has stood for us as long as possible,
and he has went.
Perhaps if we will introduce horse
racing again and repress the govern
ment’s curiosity about the big corpora
tions and not insist upon them paying
any taxes, but continue this privilege
to only the plat in peaple, and learn a
few table manners, Frank may come
back to sec us some time. Is it quite
too much to be expected of him. but let.
us hope for the best. In the meantime
we trust that France will treat him
kindly, and that Edith may be received
by all the dukes and dukesses. #
SMOKE ALL YOU PLEASE
From the Boston Post.
Everybody knows Dr. Crutch Wood
inson. He is th© world s greatest ex
ploder of beliefs, and has the enviable
reputation of being able to jump on to
any lecture platform at a moment's no
tice and blow any accepted belief in the
matters of health and hygiene higher
than the Ames building. When he gets
through shattering a belief, his shat
tering will have been so thorough that
the pieces will fill 10 baskets. This
paper has been fortunate enough to ob
tain Doctor Woodinson’s services, and
from timo to time he will take falls out
of some of our oldest and best estab
lished beliefs.
□HERE is a general belief that
smoking is injurious. There
was a time when I thought so
myself; but ever sine© 1907, when sta
tistics were published showing that
over 75 per cent of the male population
of the United States were users of to
bacco in some form or another, I have
held th© opinion that smoking was moat
beneficial.
Contrary to the general belief, smok
ing is not injurious. It is fine for the
heart, lungs, liver, biceps, eyebrow s and
teeth. It aids the digestion and puts
a severe crimp in many diseases before
they have a chance to show themselves.
On several occasions 1 have been about
to come down with such serious disaf
fection as scarletina, mumps, Morton’s
Toe, dandruff or pip. when I have be
come aware that the germs of these
diseases were being combated by the
tobacco smoke in my system. Without
the smoke, I would probably have been
a dead man long ago. I am a confirmed
cigarette smoker, and allow no day to
pass without smoking at least two and
one-half boxes of -• cigarettes.
Germs haven't a chance In the world
when they bump up against a cloud of
tobacco smoke. All germs, moreover,
dwell in tlie mouth. I do not need to
tell you that there are 18,000,000 germs
in the mouth at all times, because the
fact is too well known. Can you imagine
then, the slaughter which takes place
when the smoker takes a good drag on
ills cigar or cigarette? The interior of
the mouth begins to look like an abat
toir on a busy afternoon, on account of
the large number of germs whiclt at
once kick the bucket. Nonsmokers
have the same number of germs in
their mouths, of course. .The reason
why they are not all stricken with some
dreadful disease is because they are
naturally lucky.
Some people will want to know why
it is that tobacco smoke does not in
jure the human system if it is so in
jurious to germs. This makes tnc
laugh. The people that ask such ques
tions show plainly that they know
nothing about germs, and probably
never saw one in their lives. I will,
therefore, explain the matter in words
of one syllable. In order that they may
be grasped - by my readers, most of
whom don't know nearly as much as
1 do. Generally speaking, a germ has
no eyelids on his eyes. He does not
have them because at the time when
he was created tobacco had not been
discovered, and it was not thought that
he would need any eyelids.
When, therefore, tobacco was discov
ered and the germs began to run up
against tobacco smoke, their eyes wat
ered terribly. In fact, they watered to
such an extent that every germ which
encountered tobacco smoke drowned In
his own tears. This Is one of the
strangest facts In the medical profes
sion. Were it not for his lack of eye
lids, the germ would not be bothered by
the tobacco smoke. The eyes are the
only spot which are affected.
Now, as many of you know', practical
ly all human beings have eyelids. When
therefore, a human being encounters a
large amount of tobacco smoke, ho
closes his eyelids and the smoke does
not afreet his eyes. I have proved to
my own satisfaction that If a human
being should have his eyelids propped
apart, and should be placed In a her
metically sealed room which was filled
with tobacco smoke, his eyes would
water to such an extent that he would
soon strangle In his own tears.
There arc very few animals which
live to any great age. Most animals,
however, have eyelids; and if they were
taught to smoke, I have no doubt* but
what their lives would be prolonged to
a remarkable degree. Not so with
fishes, however. Fishes do not have
i eyelids.
So, if they should take up smoking,
v *
the smoke would get in their eypa ami
give them a lot of trouble. It might
not drown them, because fish live in
water instead of air—although 1 prob
ably do not need to tell you this. The
chances are, however, that the smoke
would irritate their eyes to such an ex
tent that they would probably die be
fore their time.
I find that most persons are averse
to using their ‘’common sense in such
matters. There really ought to lie no
question as to whether smoking is or
is not injurious; for everyone should
remember that hams are made palat
able by hanging them in smoke. What
would happen to these hams if they
were not smoked? They would spoil,
and would have to be thrown away.
Hut the smoke preserves them. What
further argument is needed. Smoke
your head off, and stay healthy.
♦This space for sale.
OPERA WITHOUT "SOCltiTl"
From the New York World.
More important than Oscar Hammer*
stein s plan to give "opera in English"
at Che no wopera house he is to build in
Lexington avenue is his manifest inten
tion to provide opera for "the plain peo
ple," as indicated by the scale of prices
ranging from 2o cents to $3.
Considering the crowded attendance at
popular price symphony concerts, opera
of any kind at moderate rates, such as
these, ought to pack the house, and
whether in English. German or Italian
is Immaterial. The music is the thing,
and that the artistic merit of the perform
ances will be of a high order requires no
guarantee from a manager who hag done
more than any other to elevate operatic
standards In New Yorw.
VBut will opera not under “society" aus
pices pay? Mr. Hammersteln has seen it
fail twice, in London as well as In Thirty
fourth street. That, however, is no
augury of continued failure. New York’s
operatic constituency is now large enough
to support two opera houses. It Is Intel
ligent enough to discriminate In Its pa
tionage and contains enough people who
love opera for opera's sake, and not mere
ly for Its “golden horseshoe" accessories,
to fill the Lexington avenue house.
I Given his talent for discovering and ex
i plot ting new tenors anil coloratura so
pranos, his devotion to artistic ideals and
his indomitable persistence, Mr. Ilain
merstein may reasonably be expected to
make a success of bis third atetnipt, as
suming that no legal obstacles prevent.
COt.NTRV TOWN SWINGS
Yj. \v. Howe In the American Magazine.
“NVhat people say behind your back is
your standing ih the community in which
you live.
“It always makes a furniture man £ f
rious for loafers to occupy chairs in front
of his store.
“The man whose pants legs are much
too short, always wears his coat sleevba
much too long.
“When we look at some men who say
they were sent to save the world, we
can’t help laughing.
“The feeling of sleeplnes when y-.u are
not in bed und can't get there is the
meanest feeling in the world."
SIMPLIFIED SPELLING
From the Boston Globe.
Jf we were forst to rite these para
grafs In the nu spellng It would be a
serius bio. Thaj would look very od to
our trends, no Aout—not to say ridicu
lus—and we ourselva shoud ru the da,
and we mite even nash our teeth. For
tunately, up to date, the hauty bos/noly
givs&ru Carnegie the laf.
AE FOND KISS
By Robert Burns.
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae farewell, alas! forever!
Deep in heart wgung tears I’ll pledge thee.
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.
Who shall say that fortune grieves him.
While the star of hope she leaves him?
Me, nae cheerfu' twinkle lights me;
Dark despair around benights me.
I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy,
Naething could resist my Nancy;
But to see her was to love her;
kove but her, and love forever,
Had we never loved sae kindly.
Had we never loved sae blindly,
Never met—or never parted,
We had ne'er been broken hearted.
Fare the weel, thou first and falrestl
Fare the weel. thou best and dearest!
Thine be Ilka joy and treasure.
Peace, enjoyment, love and pleasure!
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, alas! forever!
Deep In heart wrung tears I'll pletjgwthee,
Warring elgbe and groane 1’U wage*thee!