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THE AGE-HER ALD
13. W. BARXE1T Editor Entered at the Birmingham Ala., jtostofflce os second class matter under act of Congress March 3, 1879. Daily and Sunday Age-HeTald.... $8.00 Dally and Sunday, per month.70 Daily and Sunday, three months.. 200 Meekly Age-Herald, per annum.. Sunday Age-Herald . 2-°® I Subscription payable in advance. M". G. Wharton and A. J. Eaton, lr., are the only authorized traveling rep resentatives of The Age-Herald in Its circulation department. No communication will be published without Us author’s name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose. Remittances can be made nt current rate of exchange. The Age-Hcrald will not he responsible for mcney sent through the mails. Address, THE AUK-HERALD. Birmingham, Ala. "^Tvashingtminjureaur^O^HRib^TjuUd European bureau, 5 Henrietta street, ; Covent Garden. London. Eastern business office. Rooms 48 t to, inclusive. Tribune building, New York city; western business office, hribune building, Chicago. The S. G. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for seign advertising. telephone I Dell (private exchange connecting nil departments), No. 4*0*. R. -- A barren-spirited fellow. _Troll ns nnd Crcssldn. New French Ministry • By a majority of 63 the programme ■bf the Barthou ministry was adopted by the chamber of deputies. This pro gramme calls for a series of army "measures to be pushed through at the ‘outset, and then for the appointment !„f a joint committee of members of the senate and of the chamber of deputies to prepare an electoral re form bill providing for proportional Representation of majorities and ^minorities. » Briand, a strong man, went out ol office on account of proportional rep resentation. The bill had passed the (chamber of deputies and was amended jn the senate in such a way that the , Briand ministry resented the change by resigning. Premier Barthou is not r man of any particular prominence, although he has had a long parlia mentary experience. Proportional representation is fa vored by President Poincare, and it will no doubt come up again. It aims to divide the representation of a de partment in the chamber of deputies justly between the majority and minority. If the majority casts three fourths of the votes it should have three-fourths of the deputies in a par ticular department, and the minority should have the other one-fourth. There are many political groups in France, and this renders the system more complex. Illinois has adopted proportional representation, and so have Belgium, | Finland, Tasmania and some of the j cantons of Switzerland. One difficulty i in the way is to make the voter ap- \ preciate the change and to act up to it. The plans in no two countries agree. Proportional representation is ( in other words a difficult subject to liandle. How Congress Will Stand Congress is about to nfeet, and Vhen it does three parties will pre sent themselves, the democratic, re publican and progressive. All three /will be regularly organized. Victor Murdock of Kansas will lead the pro gressives, Jumes Mann of Illinois the [Republicans, and Oscar W. Underwood (the democrats. The democrats will number 290, (fend the opposition 145. In other *^vords the democrats will iiave a clear I* ^majority of 145, or two to one. No fewer than 158 members in the House [will take their seats next Monday for "the first time. There are solid demo cratic delegations in the- House from Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colo rado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, [Cerogia, Indiana, Louisiana, Mary land, Mississippi, Montana, New ^Hampshire, New Mexico, the Caro flinas and Texas, and solid republi can delegations from Idaho, Nevada, 'the Dakotas, Oregon, Utah, Vermont, *W ashington and Wyoming. The democratic majority in the ^iouse is ample. It is almost unpre cedented. In the Senate, however, the democratic majority will be small— Possibly six or seven—and the action ©f the Senate on the taf-iff bill and the income tax will be carefully an alyzed and sifted. South’s Resources and Progress The Baltimore Manufacturers’ Rec ord’s issue of last week was in two parts—Part I covering the usual work for the week and Part II embracing about 350 pages in which the story of this section is told under the title of “The South: The Nation’s Greatest As set.” In this special number is found an exceptionally attractive and valu able presentation of facts and figures. Statistics used to be considered ex tremely dry and they will always be dry unless they are properly arranged and the relation of one fact to another is explained. But the statistical work ®f the Manufacturers’ Record is nota bly illuminating year in and year out. The facts that it digs up and the opti mistic views that it presents from ftfee to time have been of untold ben tfit to this southland. But no indus A ! trial edition, perhaps, has ever been issued by the Record or any other periodical equal in value to this. The south has made giant strides in the past 30 years but in order to understand its progress and to com prehend in a measure the south’ splen did future one should read and digest as far as possible Part II of the Man ufacturers’ Record. An editorial in The Record closes with these thoughtful and animating words: “What of the future? Will its record when written tell of achievements in material things for the betterment of mankind, the advance of educational and religious activities in keeping with what has been wrought in the past, or will it tell of wasted opportunities by a people who have not measured up to the situation ? “We have faith that the sense of re sponsibility to themselves and to the world will be developed in southern people to a larger extent even than ever before. We believe that more and more they will realize that great .opportunities bring great responsibil ities; that the proud heritage which is theirs demands achievements worthy of it. “Unto the past let all honor be given, but let us at the same time prove worthy of that past, may well be the universal sentiment of the peo ple of this heaven-favored land.” Reducing the Tariff The forthcoming revision of the tariff to a revenue basis will be known in our political history as “the Under wood Dill,” whether it be presented as one whole or schedule by schedule. It will be a party measure intended to meet the urgent demands of the Bal timore platform, and the party and the administration Will stand or fall by what this bill presents when it be comes law. Party discipline will push it through, and it is believed it will be passed without material alteration. Minority Leader Mann is opposed to mere obstruction to the tariff pro gramme of the democratic party. “The people of the country,” says Mr. Mann, “have decided as between the two‘parties in favor of the democratic party, which advocates an economic change. No matter whether the demo crats are right or wrong the people have upheld them on this point and I do not approve of any policy of ob struction \jn view of that fact.” The country calmly awaits the meet ing' of Congress in extra session on April 7. The great work of tariff re vision has been going on for weeks, almost for months, and it is believed a bill for revenue only has been drawn up which will do no harm to any hon est industrial Interest. The party and the administration know that the hour of trial is at hand and the hope is that the unity and spirit of the party in power will suffer no losses in the discussions and acts of the coming session._ Hookworm Work in (he South The third annual report of the Rock efeller sanitary commission shows that during the year 1912 no fewer than 238,765 persons were treated for hookworm disease in 11 states in the south. It is claimed that upward of 400,000 sufferers from the parasite have been cured. In 1912 there were 320,961 microscopic examinations. In this number were 78,572 rural chil dren between the ages of 6 and 18. The report mentions one family. A father, mother and seven children living in a filthy one-room cabin, every member infected with the hook worm disease, barely getting a living from a small, washed, unproductive farm, and all of them illiterate, have undergone a family transformation. Within two years after the simple cure the father and his older sons have built a neat frame dwelling of two stories; the younger children are in school; the farm is productive, and the whole family is well and happy. This is but one of the commission’s re peated experiences. The commission expended in 1912 the sum of $184672, or 77 cents for ev ery person helped to a better living. The work of the commission is not fully appreciated by all the people of the south, but it surely will be when the sad affects of the hookworm are more generally understood. Mrs. Jane Trlnkle died in Bristol, Tenn., aged 102 years. Not long ago stie gave her rules for attaining long life. “To live loi\g and enjoy life as I have," she said, “people must come back to the simpler forms and be content with less speed. Nature is the best nurse, and nature’s laws must be obeyed. 1 have lived long because of simple methods and because 1 didn’t hurry with every task In life. More tomorrows are assured to those who go about life calmly and are content to leave off the strain. My life tenure has been lengthened because I never nursed worries; because I loved the lields and brooks and found time to drink in the sun shine and the open air. Frequent visits to the brook with hook and line, and obed ience to my parents, and my reverence for Godly things arc among the things that 5 have made my life long and pleasant.’’ Both Huntington Wilson and Professor Moore succeeded in making their resig nations stick. , The lists of reformed spelling are cubist pictures of the English language. Senator Sutherland of Utah, chairman of the Senate committee on public buildings ;ind grounds In the last Congress, is net disturbed over a question raised by Con gressman Mann of Illlnoidtconcerning the validity of the public buildings bill passed in Hie last Congress, carrying nearly $40. 000,000. Congressman Mann points out that the Congressional Record shows that when the conference report was finally i agreed to only four Items were read in a formal way and agreed to, and that as to the rest of the conference report, or what became of Jt, the Congressional Record is silent. Senator Sutherland believes the Congressional Record is not conclusive as to what v.as done. “It Is only evidence of what was done in conference," said the senator. Senator Hoke Smith of Georgia said be fore leaving Atlanta that at the extra session, beginning April 7, Congress would pass the tariff revision bill, including a free sugar bill; that It would enact an in come tax hill, and that tentative meas ures, looking to a reform of the country’s banking and currency system would be in troduced. Of particular interest to the farmers of Georgia and the. south was the statement of Senator Smith that he had no doubt the taxes would be taken off agricultural implements, lies, bagging and wire fencing. Theodore B. Dale, the Importer and ladles' tailor who committed suicide at his | home, 23 West One Hundred and Twenty sixth street, New York, on Wednesday rather than face trial on a change made against him by a young man, left a for tune of more than $2,000,000 according to an estimate which ,vas made last night by Attorney William W. Da Point, in whose offices at the Dong Acre building Dale signed his will last Wednesday. The entire estate was left to his uncle, Maurice Brodzkl of Dondon, with the exception of a bequest of $10,000 to Mount Sinai hos pital. Frederick L. Hoffman, statistician of the Prudential Insurance company, de clared at Newark that cancer claims 75,000 victims yearly in the United States and 500,000 in the civilized world. A nation wide campaign for education in the in dications of incipent cancer, or even non malignant tumors, would aid materially, Mr. Hoffman said, in the efforts to reduce the mortality from this preventable dis ease. Such educational efforts have been successful in Germany and other Euro pean countries, he asserted. Because she had no home after she was rescued from the flood district on the west side of Dennison, Miss Florence P. Shancr wedded William G. Wahlenmaier. , The couple had intended being married in May. The girl was rescued by Wahleri- ; maier. Her mother was drowned and * their home swept aw iy. The appendix is placed in the human an atomy to serve a definite purpose. Ask tlie doctors. They know, but may not be willing to tell. Any trunk more than 45 inches long must pay excess baggage rates. This is the edict of the interstate commerce com. I mission. No member of the Wilson administration has made a trip to the Panama canal. Give it credit for that at any rate. The Illinois deadlock was broken by Governor Dunne. In the language of the street, “Governor Dunne dun done it.” The men in London who are wearing aigrettes in their hats should wear point lace or duchesse collars. The cubists have been requested to draw’ Huerta in the act "bf establishing a gov ernment by butchery. The question for today is, in which cor ner of a cellar should one stand when a cyclone is coming. Missouri is proud of her lead mines, but she is still prouder of her hens wrhlch j are a gold mine. That great forecaster, Col. George Har vey, should apply at once for Willis Moore’s place. The most of the place hunters have not yet reached the pie counter. Easter finery will keep but the mil linery bills will not. The frogs will soon begin to do their spring harblngering. Austria refuses to hit a country of her own size. THE POT HINTER From Judge. There was once a man who called him- | self a sport, because he loved to go out with his rod and gun and see how m&ny fish or fowl he could kill in a day, with out regard to his real needs. When he had made a particularly large killing he would have postcard pictures ( of himself and his victims taken, to send to his friends far and near. One day this man died and applied to St. Peter for admission to heaven. St. Peter inquired his name, and, on learning it, looked over his card file of human beings. At the applicant's name he dis covered a copy of each one of these post cards. Taking them out and handing them to the man, St. Peter asked casually if they were correct. “Yes,” said the latter, with a touch of pride.* ‘‘Then,’* said St. Pet or, 'hell is your fu- I ture home. We have no facilities here for cooking such quantities of game.” Ill It NETT’S STRIKING APPEARANCE From the Popular Magazine. Representative John I,. Burnett of Ala- j bania is the midget of the House of Rep- | resentatives. While he is large of girth and has absolutely no neck at all, he is surprisingly short of stature. When he first opened his law office in his home town, he was employed to de- i fend a mountaineer charged with a petty j offense. When the case was called in • ourt, the judge asked the defendant if he. had a lawyer to represent him. "Yes, your honor, 1 had one, but I don’t see him here this morning, explained tne mountaineer. “What was his name?” arked the judge. “I don't remember his name.” / ••Well, what did he look like?” *\llc looked like the Jack of spades.” “Mr. Sheriff,” promptly ordered the judge, “call John Burnett.” IN HOTEL LOBBIES The »n Administration “President Wilson basf been at the head of the government nearly four weeks and he seems to have become" thoroughly familiar with the duties of his high and exacting office/’ said L. T. Larue of Pittsburg. "I voted for Mr. Wilson because l am a democrat, but he is turning out to be a more suc cessful chief executive than I had ex pected. “I am no politician hut prior to the j Baltimore convention I had thought an experienced statesman, like Mr. Under wood, or an experienced politician, like Champ Clark, would have suited the party better, but Mr. Wilson has been an agreeable surprise to many of us. All literary men and all men of the1 educational world have long recognized Mr. Wilson as one of our best all round scholars. He Is unquestionably one of our greatest men of letters and in the department of political history he has done more good work than any other contemporaneous educator or author. And It looks now as if he were going to make a new high record in the presi dential office.” Important Gathering "The convention of the National Good Hoads federation, which will meet here on April 24-25, will be a most important gathering," said a well known good roads advocate. "Birmingham will re ceive a world of advertising from this (went. Some of the best informed men (Mi road building and men who are deep ly interested on the subject ' wifi" bo here for this gathering and it is ex pected that a majority of the states of tho union will be represented. "This convention is held for tho pur pose of aRltatinR the subject of Rood roads. adopting a plan by which all the Rood roads association can aftree on, to consolidate in one Rreat body and ro to Congress with a broad and com prehjpsive bill for federal aid. There are six or seven national organisations all ivorkinR for good roads, and advo eatinR different bills for national aid. I tic outcome of this meetinR is frauRht with a great deal of interest by the Rood roads 'advocates all over the United .States who have the ctause of building good roads at heart and desire concerted action.” Street Pfivlnj? “There has been a great deal of complaint about the broken up streets and most of us have lost our patience during tne past few weeks, but now that a good deal of paving in the busi ness district is nearing completion we can see how beautiful our streets will be," said a merchant, 1 have traveled considerably and have seen no finer streets anywhere than First avenue. The creosoted wooden blocks make an ideal road-bed and in time Birmingham will he known for its splendid streets in the business centre. One serious trouble here now Is the automobile congestion or rather tile, parking of automobiles. No one should he allowed to keep an automobile standing two or three hours in front of a business house. Just what the solu-' tlon is i am not prepared to say but something should be done to relieve the situation." Touring With nu Orchestra “One of tile most entertaining articles in !tho last Harper's Weekly is entitled. Touring W ith an Orchestra—the Humors and Tribulations Incident to Taking a Symphony Orchestra on the Road,' by W. E. Walter,” said an old music ,over. Mr. W alter recalls the early days when Theodore Thomas and hts symphony band used to travel over the country in the 70s and early 80s, and when the Boston Symphony orchestra began to make its trips through the middle west about IS years ago. “This country lias made a wonderful advance in the realm of art, and especially in music. All the cities of 400,0X1 to 500, 000 and upward have first class sym phony orchestras—endowed or guaranteed and a few of the lesser cities have con cert orchestra* that do creditable work. But many of us can remember when even in the metropolitan cities only compara tively few people could appreciate a sym phony programme or realize the difference between a negro minstrel orchestra and a symphony orchestra. Mr. Walter tells this anecdote of the late Fred Coulee, for years assistant manager of the Boston Symphony: ‘Jn a thriving city of central New York the orchestra was greeted upon its arrival by the local theatre manager with the cairn indifference assumed when the house is rented and th§ money' is as sured, whether or not any tickets are sold. The advance sale was discouraging and Comee turned to the manager of the theatre for comfort and suggestions. “When do you parade?" asked tile local man. ‘‘Parade?" queried Comee in a puzzle. "Sure. Don’t yo.ir troupe always pa rade before the show? You won't do no business without it." And the Impresario was right. * ’’ 'Although the local theatre managers do not regard an orchestra as a black face minstrel troupe, their attitude toward it Is still full of suspicion, tinged with contempt.’ "And here is another story which Mr. Walter raltes: ’The darkness of the mus ical middle ages of America has not yet entirely disappeared. Within the last few years a New England city not more than 125 miles from Boston made application Tor tlie services of the Boston Symphony orchestra to give a concert to be followed by a ball, the local committee hoping that the “leader” had a good collection of dance music. Yet the manager of a sym phony orchestra who arranges a tour of cities and towns that nave no orchestras of their own, on the presumption that these communities are still in the depths of musical Ignorance, is certain to get into difficulties.’ ” Increase In Population "About this time three years ago Uncle Sain was ready to take the census of the United States," observed a local sta tistician. "The work of enumeration be gan In April, 1910, and when the returns were in and the compilation made Bir mingham was credited with a population of 132,685. “According to last year's school census we haxl grown In two years' time at the rate of 10,000 a ?ear. 1 believe the next school ednsus. which will lie in 1914, will indicate a snuch higher rate of grow th. I believe Birmingham has increased in pop ulation fully 40,000 Since the federal census was taken. There are many evidences of our rapid growth, among them being the increasing number of boarding houses. And every boarding hpuse that is opened scents to be filled up Immediately.” Wall Street Point of View Henry Clews In Ills Saturday review says in part: “The bone outlook aside from the floods is also better. This applies par ticularly * to political conditions. Mr. Wilson has made an excellent Impres sion thus, far as President, and the belief is growing that he will stand not only for moderation in tariff revision, but also in new legislation generally. Mr. Wilson, though a progressive, is by no means a radical, and there are in dications that he will be able to exer cise a wise and soothing influence upon Congress. What is also encouraging is the Indication of waning radicalism in the House Itself. Now that the President!^ election is over and the next campaign is nearly four years dis tant, there is less occasion for spectac ular political demonstration. For a period at least the public is entitled to rest from unreasoning political agi tation. Another very favorable Indica tion is the increasing prospect for banking and currency reform. Mr. j Wilson is known to be taking a very j serious and Intelligent interest in this subjecX, and is inclined to take the po sition that if a satisfactory bill can be passed during the extra session of Con gress he would favor a movement in that direction. Much depends upon the activity of business men. The subject is one which the average voter can no more understand than he would a the orem in geometry. He must inevitably depend upon the experienced Judgment of others. The question will have to be decided by those chiefly interested, and the legislature can probably be trusted to pass a reasonably satisfactory bill if the business sentiment of the coun try insists. “Technically the stock market is in sound condition. This was strikingly proved by the first resistance of prices to the losses caused by flodd in the west. The local money situation should improve from now on, ample prepara tions having been made for the April settlements.” About PenonM Fayette R. Plumb of Philadelphia, a prominent manufacturer of tools, is the guest of W. A. Chenoweth. * • • W. H. Hassinger, who has been in the east for a week or more, is ex pected to return Wednesday. WHAT WAITERS REALLY DO From the Popular Magazine. Stuart C. l^eake, the railroad man^ dropped into a cafe in Philadelphia one day for lunch, and signified by voice and gestures that lie was in a terrific hurry to be served. A waiter named Reno, whom Leake knew, paid absolutely no at tention to the guest, but consumed at least five minutes dancing in a demented manner around a stock ticker in the cor ner. “Why on earth didn’t you come here to this table when I called you?” asked Leake. ‘ ‘ l was detained by a little private busi ness,’’ said the waiter mysteriously. “But I insist on knowing,” Leake came back at him. “1 don’t see how a waiter can hold his job and behave the way you do. If you don’t step sharp now, you’ll get no tip.” This semed to bring the waiter to his senses. “Well, Mr. Leake,” he said, with great humility. “I was celebrating a little. I just saw by the stock ticker that 1 had made $1000 on the short side of the mar ket. What’ll you have, sir?” THE LATEST FIRE ENGINE From the New York Times. An interesting new type of automobile lire engine fbr Paris has just been de-< cided upon by the municipal council. The machine will be of specially light con-, struction, and will carry four men only, but will be fitted with a large tank con taining 400 litres of water. Thus, an the engine arrives on the scene of a lire it can | begin pumping water while the firemen are making the necessary connection at the nearest main with a minimum waste of time. The new patterns is a vast im provement on the cumbersome automo bile fire engines which the Paris brigade possesses at present and which in the fu ture will be used only as auxiliaries in exceptionally large fires. ACTIVE BOSTON CENTENARIAN From the Boston Record. At the great age of 100, all but two months. Ralph Butler of Columbia road, Dorchester, walked to city hall yesterday, paid his water taxes, walked around the city for a few minutes and returned home, not at all tired. He says he didn’t see why any one should wonder at that, as he feels "as young as he ever did.” Mr. i Butler is broad shouldered and stands straight as a young man. A VERSATILE BARBER From the London Evening Standard. On a sign over a barber's shop at Stlerum, Holland: _ _ Barent YVonters lends donkeys || | . on hire like his father, kills pigs, | smokes hams and occupies him- | self with all kinds of swinish de- |j tall work; also shaves and cuts | liair, except on Sundays. | ECONOMY', FRUGALITY, INDUSTRY From the Popular Magazine. The original tightwad live* in Missouri. According to those who know him, he Is so tight that he saves the tips of his shoe laces and sells them for old iron, and in the last 22 years he has realized 11 cents from their sale. UAULED FOR BLOOD From the Chicago Tribune. ‘‘Sandy looks as if he had been fight ing.” "He has been fighting; a fellow said something in his presence about ‘musi cians and bagpipes,’ and San*dy sailed into him.” THE GOOD OLD DAYS From the Galveston News. Moreover, the cost of living was a good deal lower when a woman felt all right to go on a visit to the neighbors with a shawl on her head and her bare hands wrapped in her apron. SALUTARY LESSON From the Houston Post. Two white men were legally hanged in Birmingham for murdering a negro. A 'remarkable occurrence that, but it is a rude shock to people who think anybody has the right to kill a negro. SURE TO BE CENSURED From the Houston Post. That Alabama sensation has reached the stage where it Is now certain that nobody tan hope to steal a million dollars of pub lic money in that state without arousing more o» less indignation. THINGS TO WOBBY ABOUT From the Cincinnati Enquirer. •i. K. Suffer has the garbage con ' tract in Omaha. FRANK GOULD’S GRIEVANCE . * By BILL VINES Washington, March 30.— (Special)—Frank J. Gould is angry with us. Frank says that he is going over to Paris and make a noise like a Frenchman. What peeved Frank is the way the United States government interferes with business. It's plumb disgusting to Frank and he has decided to expatriate himself and leave it with us. Frank has been feeling a little un kindly toward the United States ever sinco Judge Hough fined him 1000 iron men, on an indictment under the Sher man anti-trust act. back in 1911. Now the whole matter has culminated by Frank’s indignantly kicking Uncle Sam in the pants and renouncing him as his parent. Frank likes our brand of dollars and gold bonds, but the customs and man ners of the country make him seasick. So he and ills wife, formerly Udltli Kelly, a show girl, and his three sis ters, Misses Hetty, Mabel and Mathilde Gould, have departed from our midst, and threaten to remain so permanently. This is Indeed a sad blow. It pains us to convey this intelligence to the public, but it must be done. The coun try iB beginning to taste the results of a democratic administration; first we lost Huntington, and now here goes Frank. Thus do we see, one by one, drifting away from us forever some of our most prominent citizens, all because the government has developed a preju-s dice against the refined and cultured way in which they relieve the people of any worry whatsoever about money matters by taking what they have from them, and because gome of us have not learned to hold our fork properly when eating pic. Another thing that dis gusts Mr. Gould is, he can’t stand to listen to the average American eat his soup. He insists that there is a lot of discord and lack of harmony. We are bound to admit that Frank has a grievance. We must remember that Frank was born with a solid gold souvenir spoon in his mouth, and a pair of coupon shears in each hand. He has breathed a different atmosphere from the most of us and it shocks his nervous system to come into contact with the plain people. He married in the most exclusive chorus girl set, the members Of which would never think of eating English peas with a knife, unless no spoon was handy, or pouring their coffee in a saucer, if it was too hot. Still Frank ought to remember that the Gould family was not always thus. That is not so thus as they might have been. His father, the late lamented Jay, when he first started out to ac cumulate a few run-down railroads, was in such reduced circumstances that he was compelled to water stock for a living. He was, however, a pronounced success. As a rehasher of railroads and cradicator of finances in the pockets of everybody else except his own, Jay cer tainly was no slouch. There were many prominent citizens back in Jay's time who would have burst into ap plause If Jay had announced his inten tion of going to France and points east and remain gone till the sweet bye and bye, but Jay refrained from doing so. Jay was raised up with the “rough stuff” and it did not affect his appetite. He stayed on the job and worked both sides of the street. He flourished long before the anti-trust law was thought of and passed into the unknown hence before William J. Bryan elected every man with $2.65 to the predatory wealth class. But he left Frank behind. Not that there was any special or unani mous demand for him to do so, but probably because Frank preferred to stay. And now Frank has decided that he has stood for us as long as possible, and he has went. Perhaps if we will introduce horse racing again and repress the govern ment’s curiosity about the big corpora tions and not insist upon them paying any taxes, but continue this privilege to only the plat in peaple, and learn a few table manners, Frank may come back to sec us some time. Is it quite too much to be expected of him. but let. us hope for the best. In the meantime we trust that France will treat him kindly, and that Edith may be received by all the dukes and dukesses. # SMOKE ALL YOU PLEASE From the Boston Post. Everybody knows Dr. Crutch Wood inson. He is th© world s greatest ex ploder of beliefs, and has the enviable reputation of being able to jump on to any lecture platform at a moment's no tice and blow any accepted belief in the matters of health and hygiene higher than the Ames building. When he gets through shattering a belief, his shat tering will have been so thorough that the pieces will fill 10 baskets. This paper has been fortunate enough to ob tain Doctor Woodinson’s services, and from timo to time he will take falls out of some of our oldest and best estab lished beliefs. □HERE is a general belief that smoking is injurious. There was a time when I thought so myself; but ever sine© 1907, when sta tistics were published showing that over 75 per cent of the male population of the United States were users of to bacco in some form or another, I have held th© opinion that smoking was moat beneficial. Contrary to the general belief, smok ing is not injurious. It is fine for the heart, lungs, liver, biceps, eyebrow s and teeth. It aids the digestion and puts a severe crimp in many diseases before they have a chance to show themselves. On several occasions 1 have been about to come down with such serious disaf fection as scarletina, mumps, Morton’s Toe, dandruff or pip. when I have be come aware that the germs of these diseases were being combated by the tobacco smoke in my system. Without the smoke, I would probably have been a dead man long ago. I am a confirmed cigarette smoker, and allow no day to pass without smoking at least two and one-half boxes of -• cigarettes. Germs haven't a chance In the world when they bump up against a cloud of tobacco smoke. All germs, moreover, dwell in tlie mouth. I do not need to tell you that there are 18,000,000 germs in the mouth at all times, because the fact is too well known. Can you imagine then, the slaughter which takes place when the smoker takes a good drag on ills cigar or cigarette? The interior of the mouth begins to look like an abat toir on a busy afternoon, on account of the large number of germs whiclt at once kick the bucket. Nonsmokers have the same number of germs in their mouths, of course. .The reason why they are not all stricken with some dreadful disease is because they are naturally lucky. Some people will want to know why it is that tobacco smoke does not in jure the human system if it is so in jurious to germs. This makes tnc laugh. The people that ask such ques tions show plainly that they know nothing about germs, and probably never saw one in their lives. I will, therefore, explain the matter in words of one syllable. In order that they may be grasped - by my readers, most of whom don't know nearly as much as 1 do. Generally speaking, a germ has no eyelids on his eyes. He does not have them because at the time when he was created tobacco had not been discovered, and it was not thought that he would need any eyelids. When, therefore, tobacco was discov ered and the germs began to run up against tobacco smoke, their eyes wat ered terribly. In fact, they watered to such an extent that every germ which encountered tobacco smoke drowned In his own tears. This Is one of the strangest facts In the medical profes sion. Were it not for his lack of eye lids, the germ would not be bothered by the tobacco smoke. The eyes are the only spot which are affected. Now, as many of you know', practical ly all human beings have eyelids. When therefore, a human being encounters a large amount of tobacco smoke, ho closes his eyelids and the smoke does not afreet his eyes. I have proved to my own satisfaction that If a human being should have his eyelids propped apart, and should be placed In a her metically sealed room which was filled with tobacco smoke, his eyes would water to such an extent that he would soon strangle In his own tears. There arc very few animals which live to any great age. Most animals, however, have eyelids; and if they were taught to smoke, I have no doubt* but what their lives would be prolonged to a remarkable degree. Not so with fishes, however. Fishes do not have i eyelids. So, if they should take up smoking, v * the smoke would get in their eypa ami give them a lot of trouble. It might not drown them, because fish live in water instead of air—although 1 prob ably do not need to tell you this. The chances are, however, that the smoke would irritate their eyes to such an ex tent that they would probably die be fore their time. I find that most persons are averse to using their ‘’common sense in such matters. There really ought to lie no question as to whether smoking is or is not injurious; for everyone should remember that hams are made palat able by hanging them in smoke. What would happen to these hams if they were not smoked? They would spoil, and would have to be thrown away. Hut the smoke preserves them. What further argument is needed. Smoke your head off, and stay healthy. ♦This space for sale. OPERA WITHOUT "SOCltiTl" From the New York World. More important than Oscar Hammer* stein s plan to give "opera in English" at Che no wopera house he is to build in Lexington avenue is his manifest inten tion to provide opera for "the plain peo ple," as indicated by the scale of prices ranging from 2o cents to $3. Considering the crowded attendance at popular price symphony concerts, opera of any kind at moderate rates, such as these, ought to pack the house, and whether in English. German or Italian is Immaterial. The music is the thing, and that the artistic merit of the perform ances will be of a high order requires no guarantee from a manager who hag done more than any other to elevate operatic standards In New Yorw. VBut will opera not under “society" aus pices pay? Mr. Hammersteln has seen it fail twice, in London as well as In Thirty fourth street. That, however, is no augury of continued failure. New York’s operatic constituency is now large enough to support two opera houses. It Is Intel ligent enough to discriminate In Its pa tionage and contains enough people who love opera for opera's sake, and not mere ly for Its “golden horseshoe" accessories, to fill the Lexington avenue house. I Given his talent for discovering and ex i plot ting new tenors anil coloratura so pranos, his devotion to artistic ideals and his indomitable persistence, Mr. Ilain merstein may reasonably be expected to make a success of bis third atetnipt, as suming that no legal obstacles prevent. COt.NTRV TOWN SWINGS Yj. \v. Howe In the American Magazine. “NVhat people say behind your back is your standing ih the community in which you live. “It always makes a furniture man £ f rious for loafers to occupy chairs in front of his store. “The man whose pants legs are much too short, always wears his coat sleevba much too long. “When we look at some men who say they were sent to save the world, we can’t help laughing. “The feeling of sleeplnes when y-.u are not in bed und can't get there is the meanest feeling in the world." SIMPLIFIED SPELLING From the Boston Globe. Jf we were forst to rite these para grafs In the nu spellng It would be a serius bio. Thaj would look very od to our trends, no Aout—not to say ridicu lus—and we ourselva shoud ru the da, and we mite even nash our teeth. For tunately, up to date, the hauty bos/noly givs&ru Carnegie the laf. AE FOND KISS By Robert Burns. Ae fond kiss, and then we sever; Ae farewell, alas! forever! Deep in heart wgung tears I’ll pledge thee. Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee. Who shall say that fortune grieves him. While the star of hope she leaves him? Me, nae cheerfu' twinkle lights me; Dark despair around benights me. I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy, Naething could resist my Nancy; But to see her was to love her; kove but her, and love forever, Had we never loved sae kindly. Had we never loved sae blindly, Never met—or never parted, We had ne'er been broken hearted. Fare the weel, thou first and falrestl Fare the weel. thou best and dearest! Thine be Ilka joy and treasure. Peace, enjoyment, love and pleasure! Ae fond kiss, and then we sever; Ae fareweel, alas! forever! Deep In heart wrung tears I'll pletjgwthee, Warring elgbe and groane 1’U wage*thee!