The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], June 07, 1913, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
K. H. BARRETT.Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1879.
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THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
ing
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eign advertising.
TELEPHON'D
Bell (private exchange connect!** all
departments), No. 4000.
The night In whlny; and they say we
shall emhnttle
By the second hour I* the morn,
— Antony and Cleopatra.
No More Laureates
The 17 English laureates included
Southey, Wordsworth and Tennyson,
but the list consists chiefly of mere
versifiers. Chaucer was perhaps the
best known of the older on%s. Queen
Elizabeth overlooked Shakespeare and
chose Daniel, whom- no one can re
call. And so it has been all down
through the long list.
The news c*wies now from London
that the Kiaf considers the post of
poet laureate as obsolete as that of
court jester, and that no successor to
Alfred Austin will be named. The long
line of poets will simply, in that case,
become one of the traditions of the
British court. They will all go to join
the court jesters.
It is probably better to let the
honor lapse. An official singer at the
i-oyal court has become sadly out of
date, an anachronism that need not be
repeated. Like many another thing
it has outlived its usefulness, if it
ever had any, and the chances are that
the dead singer will be the last of the
official poets.
Another immigration Bill
President Taft vetoed the Burnett
immigration bill on account of its
literacy test. The real object of that
test was to reduce immigration, and
when the present Congress passes a
new immigration bill means will be
found to place some restrictions on
immigration. Senator Dillingham has
already introduced a bill that proposes
to restrict immigration from any na
tion to 10 per cent of the total number
of such nationality. The Vermont sen
ator proposes in this way to reduce
Italian, Greek, Turkish and Austro
Hungarian immigration.
Mr. Burnett has studied the subject
a long time and from all angles on
both sides of the sea, and when a new
bill is prepared he will he pretty sure
to put into it some of the knowledge
he has gained in his long service on
the immigration committee. He is now
chairman of the House Committee, and
the new bill will no doubt be the best
that he has in the shop.
Convicts and Koad Building
Ihe day will come when the high
ways of Alabama will be constructed
and kept in repair entirely by the
convicts. We need great state roads
and these roads should be built by the
state convicts and the county roads
should be built by the county con
victs. Jefferson county is already
experimenting with the convict sys
tem and as this system has been tried
and proved highly successful in Geor
gia and other states it is safe to as
sume that it will be successful here.
A movement in favor of changing
the state convict policy is now well
under way. At a conference held re
cently to consider convict plans, Capt.
frank S. W hite was chosen chairman
and John W. O'Neill secretary. They
have decided to call a general meet
ing for June 14 in Birmingham, and
they are receiving letters from repre
sentative men in every section of
-Alabama strongly indorsing the move
ment.
There are fewer convicts employed
in the coal mines now than in many
years past, but the state's policy
should be settled and settled definitely
against leasing the convicts to any
corporation.
The reason that Georgia is so far
ahead of Alabama in its good roads
is because her convicts have for some
years been road builders. As soon as
this state adopts the same plan fine
macadam highways up and down the
state and across the state will be the
rule. .
Crops and Politics
This country is blessed with good
crops and good government. Every re
port that comes in points to great
crops, and the winter wheat crop is
nearly assured. It is to be very large.
To big crops is added confidence in the
* \
integrity and capacity of President
Wilson All begin to feel that he is j
making a fine President, one to be I
trusted on all questions.
And yet in the eastern states par
ties are engaged in cutting down
prices and in working up a a feeling
of discontent and lack of confidence.
What is there to justify this? Ab
solutely nothing. A tariff written by
Oscar Underwood is a tariff that will i
do just what he says it will. He has ;
considered every line of it, and when
this revenue tariff reduced in accord
ance with the demands of public senti
ment becomes law the big crops will
begin to pour in, and the Panama
canal will be opened, and the pessi
mist.'/ of today will become optimists
in September. All the pretended dis
content must be worked up before
September, for after that time there
will be small room for it in this
country. Everything points to pros
perity and happiness in September.
Forming House Budget Committee
The House intends to have a budget
committe which will report early in
each session the sum total that can be
appropriated. A budget to be of value
must be a budget that will not be ex
ceeded. This budget must be respected
by the Senate as well as by the House,
and it may become the duty of the
House to trim Senate additions to ap
propriation bills until the total amount
is within the budget.
Two plans are before the House and
either is good. The budget in ■ this
country will not come from the cabi
net, but from the House itself, and
the manner of organizing a budget
committee in the House now under
consideration, and the best features
of the Fitzgerald and Sherley plans
will probably be woven into the budget
reform which the House is about to
adopt.
A budget committee to regulate ap
propriations, particularly, to name the
maximum amount of the year's appro
priations, has long been needed, and
the House is prepared to do its dutyt
Mr. Underwood is a budget reformer,
and so for that matter are all the
other leaders in the House. Reforms
reach culmination slowly in this coun
try, but action is quick enough when
public sentiment is fully ripe, as it
plainly is in the matter of having a
budget in this country before any ap
propriations are made—a budget that
will be arbitrary and controlling.
Office Seeking the Man
Cases have been known where high
office sought the man and not the
man the office. Such cases are rare,
but one of them seems to be that in
connection with the position of am
bassador to France. President Wil
son has several times offered that
attractive post to William McCombs,
chairman of the national democratic
committee, and Mr. McCombs has
each time declined. It is said that the
President is still hoping to induce Mc
Combs to accept.
The chairmanship of a great na
tional party is no small matter. It is
a position of great responsibility and
honor and men especially equipped for
that sort of work are usually selected.
The chairman, of course, is in the
spotlight from the jump and if his
party wins he deserves and usually
receives large credit for it.
Mr. McCombs managed the last
democratic campaign with real ability
and patriotism and devotion to his
party were his motives.
Such a man was the late William F.
Harrity of Pennsylvania, who was
the chairman of the national demo
cratic party in 1892, when Cleveland
was elected the second time. It is
understood that Mr. Cleveland offered
him a high office, but the chairman
modestly declined to accept any gov
ernment position.
In this age of officeseeking and all
sorts of self seeking it is refreshing to
find men of the Harrity and McCombs
type.__
In the supreme court in New York be
fore Justice Amend and a jury the print
era of a fashion magazine. "Paris Modes,"
the YVynkoop, Hallenbeck, Crawford com
pany sued the executors of the estate of
John 8. Huyler and Thomas J. Gaines.
Jr., for $26,767. It appeared that the late
candy manufacturer spent $249,500 In the
vain endeavor to help his favorite nephew,
Thomas J. Gaines, Jr., establish a fashion
magazine. Altogether the losses amounted
to $325,000. The printers alleged that If
it had not been for Mr. Huyler's enthus
icsllc support of the magazine at first the
printers never would have been misled
even hv the reports of a mercantile agency
giving it a very high financial rating. It
was because It was supposed that Mr.
Huyler was "hack of the publication”
that they were willing to extend credit.
At the first day's sale at Christie’s. In
London, of old English furniture and
porcelain, eastern rugs and carpets, the
property of Clarence Wilson, 12 y„een
Anne gilt chairs with canework seats and
panels in Hie backs, the tops carved with
a mask, s-hells and foliage, on cabriole
legs with lions' masks and claw reet. sold !
for $4093. Other prices were: A set of
three vases and covers and a pair of
breakers, painted with flowering plants
and rocks. In panels divided by trellis pat
tern bands and with lambrequin panels
around the shoulders and feet, $1995: a
Persian carpet with a conventionally ar
ranged design of leaves and flowers on
fink center and green border, 16 feet 3
Inches by 7 feet 2 inches, $1310. The total
for the day's sale was $29,629. .
The end sent hog of the street car ha
engaged the attention ol Ma'or Gayncr.
In a special message to the board of al
dermen the mayor suggested that the
hog he made by law to surrender his
choice post. “The habit of all selfish
people, especially if they be big and fat. '
reads the mayor's message “is to take the
end place on the seats of the summer cars
and stick there Instead of moving along
to the other end when more people get on
the car. I would suggest that ybu con
sider passing an ordinance making this
practice a misdemeanor. The selfishness
and hoggishness of some peo.de in this
matter Is a distressing spectacle.” A res
olution embodying the mayor’s view?was
introduced, and. amid considerable merri
ment. referred to a committee. It pro
vides for a maximum punishment of six
months' imprisonment and $100 fine for
anyone refusing to move along an unfilled
seat when requested to do so by a per
son boarding the car.
Senator Penrose says tnc olu fashioned
lobbyist wearing a plug hat and unctious
burnside* is dead, and surely the Pennsyl
vania senator knows a lobbyist when he
sees one.
The House is not inclined to buy the
$200,000 Barber estate in Washington as a
home for the vice president, unless one is
also purchased for the speaker's use.
The colonel was a good governor In New
York, but In either North Carolina nor
South Carolina he would not fill the bill.
The people of South Carolina propose to
send Cole Blease to the Senate. They de
sire to unload him on somebody.
A judge named Flannigan presided in
the Marquette trial, and he kept the law
yers from scrapping.
Grape 4uice manufacturers are waking
up. Each claims to be under the wing
of this administration.
J. M. Barrie confers more honor on the
whole list of baronets than the new honor
confers on him.
This is the open season for lobbyists,
and the Senate committee reports a scar
city of game.
Rudyard Kipling escaped the laureate
ship once and his luck may not have for
saken him.
The first months tax receipts in the
new tax year In New York city foots up
$53,300,0001
Huerta has borrowed some money and
the revolution will go right on un
checked.
The no breakfast movement is gaining
strength in this country as well as in
Fiance.
The vice president is averse to the pur
chase of a house for his use in Washing
ton.
Italy buys cotton seed oil to put in the
oil she sells to this country.
Auto polo is coming, and arnica and
splints will be in great demand.
HR TOOK A NAP
From the Chicago Tribune.
It happened during one of the games be
tween the Sox and the Tigers.
High up among the grandstand seats
back of third base sat a rathe, chunky
young man wearing a good suit of clothes
and a bored look.
At the end of the first inning the game
stood 1 to 0 in favor of the home team.
The visitors went to bat.
The young man. with a prodigious yawn,
w ent to sleep.
A few minutes later something happened
and the crowd went wild.
Everybody stood up and yelled.
Everybody, that is, except the chunky
young man. He sat motionless, with his
chin on his broad breast, still sleeping c*e
1 enely.
Fifteen or twenty minutes later some
thing happened again, and again the
crowd went wild.
Ten thousand voices rent the air. But
they didn’t disturb that youth.
Then the people around him began 10
notice him. They said in loud voices: “AH
out!" “Far as we go!” “Tickets!”
“Change cars!" “Take the car ahead;”
Nothing doing. He still slept.
Then somebody roared In his ear:
“Wake up. you lummox! You don't
know what you’re missing! Cicotte is
striking out Ty Cobb—Ty Cobb, d’ye hear?
—every time he comes to bat!”
The chunky young man half opened one
eye.
“Call me at 7 o’.'lock,” he mumbled—and
dropped asleep again.
THE FIRST "DEADHEADS”
From "A History of Pantomime,’’ by R. i
H. Broadhead.
Persons were instructed to give ap
plause with skill. The proficient hired
themselves out to the poets, authors,
etc., and were so disposed as to support
a loud applause. • • • The free ad
mission tickets were small ivory death's
heads, and specimens of these are to be
seen in the Museum of Naples.
ELECTRIC STOVES FOR POLICE
From Electricity.
In Glasgow the police on night duty
are being afforded facilities for warm
ing food and tea at certain street tele
phone and signal boxes. To this end
the boxes are fitted with electrical hot
plates, which can bn switched on to
the corporation mains and utilized for
warming food or drink. Twenty min
utes are allowed for supper, and the
circuit is so arranges that the heater
element cannot be left under ‘current
when not in use, even if the user omits
to switch off. Each box is also fitted
with a telephone communicating with !
the nearest police depot, and a red
signal lamp controlled from the super
intendent's office. When glowing, this
signal indicates that telephonic com
munication is required with the first
constable who see it.
BEATS BRYAN'S RECORD
From the Kansas City Star.
Arkansas has no politicians like
Bryan, Grant, Blaine and such men,"
remarked a man in a little hotel in the
Ozarks one night, as the crowd sat
around the stove discussing the usual
topics thrashed out In a hotel office.
•There's where you are mistaken,!
stranger," said a native, who was in
town 'tending cou't." "Why, we have
one down in our township that can bea*
Bryan ail hollow."
"I never heard of him,” said the trav
eling man in surprise. "Who is he?”
"It's Bill Haney.” said the country,
man. "Why. man, lie's run far school
trustee six times and never <ome with
in 50 votes o’ bein’ elected,
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
The Spelling; lire
"I iccie’.l the spelling bees tha were
fiuit^ popular In the cities and small
towns of tills country some years ago. and
1 think It would be well to revive them.'
I said an old c itizen “Those spelling
matches were both diverting and to some
extent educational. They were decided!}
educational in their tendency because
> OUng folks who took part or who were
in the audience were led to discuss tilings
pertaining to education and t«* general
culture. In other words, the atmosphere
v as educational.
"I was glad to read in The Age-llerald
a Washington dispatch giving an account
of an ‘old fashioned spelling bee’ con
ducted by the National Press club. 'I he
President of the United States and the
Secretary of Slate attended the bee and
the contestants were distinguished states
men and newspaper men. Congressman
Frank R. Willis of Ohio was the winner.
Pome of the words missed by t,1e uext
best speller, Senator Poindexter, were
familiar, every da words, but some were
technical words, seldom met with oulsid0
cf scientific publications *»r the dic
tionary.
"I was surprised at Senator rmnneuer s
misspelling words so familiar canta
loupe. dasuerreotype. ecumenical and
desuetude. Also 1 was particularly sur
prised that the able senator missed bdel
lium. I happen to know Senator Poindex
ter and I regard him as a man of fine
culture, hut when he showed that he
was not familiar with bdellium it led me.
to suspect that he had not been much of
a Sunday school boy.
“In my young days, every hoy. un
less his parents were out and out heath
ens, went to Sunday school. \Ve had to
•ead passages from the Old and New
Testaments. Every child, as I remem
ber, was furnished with a Bible and the
reading was by verse;3, in the second
chapter of the hook of Genesis tlie word
bdellium occurs. It occurs again In the
book of Numbers. The teacher ex
plained that bdellium was sonic
kind of a precious stone a ruby. I believe.
The pupils In the class called it ’be
I dellium,’ but according to the accepted
authorities the b is silent. By reference
| to the dictionaries it seems that bdellium
in today’s commerce is a resin gum.’
“As to the word ecumenical, which
Senator Poindexter missed, it used to be
spelled with the diphthong oe, but it is
| usually spelled now simply with the e.
The average lay reader was not familiar
with the word, perhaps, until 1869 when
j the Ecumenical Council of the Vatican
was held. Since that time the word
has been quite common, as it has been
used by Christian bodies holding interna
tional meetings."
March of EveutN Clouds Memory
"The matter of memory as to details
of Incidents happening years ago. par
ticularly at such trying times as great
battles, should not draw caustic and cap
tious critcism," said a son of a confed
erate veteran, "and a half century is a
long time.
“I note the press comments of the ques
tion as to w'ho was commander of Wil
cox's brigade at the ‘crater.' Now, in
those days, very rapid changes took
place, sometimes for various reasons
other than the casualties of the war. It
is true that Col. J. C. C. Sanders of tlie
Eleventh Alabama commanded Wilcox’s
brigade at the ’crater’ in front of Peters
burg July 30, 1864. At Gettysburg Wil
cox's brigade consisted of the Eighth,
Ninth, Tenth. Eleventh and Fourteenth
Alabama regiments, and also at the
crater.
“Gen. Cadmus M. Wilcox was a na
tive of Tennessee and entered the con
federate service at the ago of 35. After
his brilliant record at Gettysburg he was
appointed major general August 13. 1863,
but was not confirmed by the confederate
| congress until 1SH4.”
“There is glory enough from Manassas,
Gettysburg. Chickamauga and many other
ensanguined fields for all confederate vet
erans. never mind who commanded at the
time under discussion.”
Kryl'e Band
Music lovers, including hundreds of per
sons musically educated and hundreds
who simply enjoy music when they hear
it. had a great treat in Kryl’s band yes
terday afternoon and last night. A mem
ber of Birmingham's musical set said:
"Kryl has an exceptionally fine con
cert band. No band of its size—29 per
formers, not counting the conductor—
ever gave such satisfaction, perhaps, to
discriminating listeners. Two reasons ac
count for the excellence of the band.
One is the high quality of the perform
ers and the other is the marked ability
of the conductor.
"It is something of an orchestral band
not because of the string instruments
employed, for there Is only ft bass viol
and a harp, but the phrasing is more
orchestral than used to be the case in
brass and reed organizations. The en
semble is perfect and the brass instru
ments are kept in perfect tune, which
is not always the case with some of
the celebrated professional bands.
"Mr. JCrju’s interpretations suggest the
poetic mind and he reads into his light
encore pieces as well as the more pre
tentious compositions soul and rhythmic
beauty. He accents his rhythms strongly,
which is as much as to say the play
ing of the band is never commonplace
or draggy. Mr. Kryl Is himself a great
cornetist and in his brilliant cornet num
bers he was recalled again and again.
"It would be safe to say that the men
and women w-ho made up the vast audi-;
ences would vote unanimously to have I
Kryl and his band here again next sea
son."
Heath of a Veteran
"J. Foster Marshall, who was recently
admitted to the soldiers’ home, died sud
denly at that institution last Tuesday!
morr.ing and was buried in the soldlerg' |
cemetery on Wednesday,” said Gen. F. S. j
Ferguson.
“Several friends of the deceased asked
me about him over the telephone, and I
take this method of informing them that
Captain Simpson, commandant of the;
home, has conveyed to me the sad Intel- ;
ligence. Foster Marshall was In quite j
feeble health when he entered the home." |
Bum? Time* Hereabout
"This news item, bearing a Birming
ham date, and published in all of the
industrial papers this week,” said a
business man, "ought to prove very
encouraging to this community. ‘Every
mine in this section is running full
blast, and the year promises to be a
record breaker. Many new mines are to
be opened up at an early date, am!
shafts long since Idle have been put
in service.’
"The picture is truthfully drawn. It
is an encouraging picture, .pnd por
tends continued and increased pros
perity in this district. It forestalls any
possibility of unrest. uncertainty,
paralysis or alarm over congressional
t • •
legislation, political or labor agitation,
nn«i brightens the way.
"It is not difficult tQ discover anti
understand the causes of this healthful
condition of ou’* industrial field. It Is
the same old story Natural resources
am! surroundings, willingness of capital
to Invest; determination, strength and
energy of labor to accomplish; and
peaceful attitude between the two mu
tually dependent, arms of industrial
accomplishment—capital anti labor.
"Capital lias learned that labor must
be protected am' compensated equita
bly, to make efficient anil strong that
very necessary clement in industrial
development, and capital is responding
here to tills demand.
"Labor is recognizing tills apprecia
tion of its value, and Is responding
honorably, faithfully and peacefully,
with strong arm. and helpful hand
Thus the two make possible the picture
as it is drawn."
The Iron Market
"More inquiry and more interest In
prices are the features of tite iron
market," say Matthew. Addy & Co. in
their Cincinnati report. "Demand for1
steel-making irons is particulaly heavy.
At the present time half a dozen of the
large independent mills are ready to
buy anti are simply waiting to be
tempted by prices that appear suffi
ciently low. Buyers themselves are tak
ing the liberty of making their own
prices. That is the peculiarity of the
present market. The worst of the thing
is—speaking from the standpoint of
the iron master—that the buyers have
been able to get away with it. Of
course, the time is coming—and It may
be here now—when the downward
course of the market will be stayed,
"There is no doubt that when pur
chasers hear tlie dull thud of prices
striking tlie bottom they will make a
simultaneous rush to place their or
ders and history will repeat itself. To
day southern No. 2 is $11.50 and
northern No. 2 is $14.75, with but few
furnaces abje to figure out a profit.
Most of them must have more money
or hang up their shutters.
"The one favorable feature of the
situation is that most consumers are
busy and the prospects are good. But
there is a universal hope that Wash
ington will not long dally with the
great vital questions of the tariff and
banking reform, for it Is realized that
until these matters are definitely con
cluded business will be unsettled. As
It is now everyone is apprehensive and
a mood of timidity is not good for
trade.”
STYLES AT THE CAPITAL
From "Affairs at Washington.” Joe Mit
chell Chappie in National Magazine for
June.
A curious request came to the editor ir
the early spring months. “The next time
you go to Washington." wrote a sub-;
scriber, "won't you make some observa
tions and tell us what the real styles are,
as observed by a man? We have fashion
books, of course, out what docs the aver
age man observe in woman’s attire?"
The letter was dispatched to Washing
ton with other memoranda, but lay neg
lected in its envelope until one afternoon
I stumbled In on a deputation from a
lashlonable young ladles’ school being re
ceived by the President in tile East Room
of the White House. They were a bright
lot of glils, laughing and chatting as be
came young and pietty maid. ns. Every;
hat seemed to have a ribbon rudder vest
ing out prominent.v astern. The mascu
line mind was wondering what Kept that
waterless rudder so steady in a breeze.
"Boat shaped" hats seemed the trend
of that line of millinery. There were hats;
with a little lone aigrette popping up like!
a lonesome try sail located well aft. Theio
were sweeping hats, suggesting saucy I
yachts, floating over dainty little shell like
ears, other hats ooked like colored pump
kins, one-quarter t ize, tilted to the right,!
and other had a sweeping plume like i. 1
side wheel steamer. To the masculine ob
server there seemed a nautical turn to
most of the milinc.y “creations.”
Seme of them might be worshipped with
out breaking any of the commandments,
being utterly unlike anything either In the
heavens above or the earth beneath. The
absence of birds on those hats would have
delighted the Audubon and Humane socie
ties, for not a bird was in sight in that,
line of hat craft, although it looked as if
several bird’s nest lace* creations were
stowed away In .some of the crowns. So
far as the editorial eye of the observer
could see, the hat bodies were made of
straw. This I believe characterizes sum
mer time headgear.
As the request was limited to styles,
nothing may be added or conjectured as :o
the "high cost" of the various creations.
The dainty jackets, loosely worn, resem
bled in the upper story the lines of a fancy
pajama, while the lower story was reefed
to preserve the nautical trend of the fash
ions.
The one thing that really impressed the
masculine mind was the simplicity in that
stylish gathering. It may be that "votes
for women" has had its influence on styles
—at any rate 1 am Informed that later in
the season hats will be tilted to the star
board, or rather "to the right," as the
new ruling of the naval deparHnent has it,
and carry more rim and sail, as the
equinoctial storms ; pproach and the bills
come due for papa to consider.
There now—I’ve done my best, but Mr.
Pok ought to keen his end up better, and
rot require an editor in tan shoes to com
ment on w hat seems to be another edjtor’f,
special and peculiar province.
THE IMITATIVE FACU1-TV
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The man had a magazine vith a brilliant
cover, largely reds and yellows. He ran
through the pages to a certain story and
straightway became absorbed In it.
The car was an eld fashioned one, with
side seats. Opposite to the man sat a half
dozen young women and girls.
Presently the man looked over the top of
the magazine—he had been holding it be
fore his face—and was surprised to notice
that several of the girb were making pe
culiar grimaces. Almost immediately two
ol the older girls drew down their eye
brows and blew out their lips in a very
singular way. They din’t seem to notice
the man s glance. All the girls were en
grossed by the magazine cover. One girl
shut heF eyes, another drew up the cor
ners of her mouth, a third assumed a
smirk. For a full half minute or more the
man watched these grimaces. Then ne
dozed the magazine and turned it around
and stared at the cover.
The face 'pf a summer girl—an artist’s
summer girl-looked up at him. it was a
pink and white face, with the eyelids
slightly lowered, the eyeballs turned tip,
the mouth smiling, the dimples very deep
indeed. The artist had given the girl a
look that was at once coy, demure, kit
tenish and frisky—and every one of those
girls on the other side of the car had been
trying to imitate it!
The man looked from the pictured girl
tr- the girls across the aisle. They were
all staring at the advertisements over his
head and their fa^ were red—very red.
Then the man laughed and resumed his
reading.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
LIFE’S ENDLESS WOES.
Fuji many a man
Does all that he can
To walk through life contented,
But is apt to swear
And wrinkles wear,
If he lives in a house that's rented.
Down comes the rain.
But why complain
That the roof is badly leaking.
Ami the pipes are burst
And the steps are curst? »
Nr use the landlord seeking.
And just at the time
When lie might fed prime.
Both himself and the world admiring,
The electric lights
Won’t burn o' nights,
’Cause there's something wrong with the
wiring.
That's why. though a man
Do all that he can
To smile and appear contented,
He's apt to cuss
Like the rest of ns
Who live in a house that's rented.
LAY CRITICISM.
"Don’t you think Miss Screecher sings
with a great deal of expression?”
”1 certainly do. 1 don't think I ever
saw another human being make such faces
as she makes when she sings.”
A SELFISH MOTIVE.
When Biggs to gi. e me praise is fain,
Or says he weeps to see my sorrow,
I wonder, when we meet again.
Just how much liig&s will want to bor
row,
SAMMY SPEAKS.
The question s where
To spend the summer;
Pa says it's apt
To be a .hi miner
And thinks Pine Crest
Is pretty fair—
I’ll bet my hat
We don't go there!
’Cause ma just keep*
Her mouth shut tight
When pa makes plans
’Most every night,
i don’t know whpre
She wants to go.
But twon’t be long
Before we ll know.
And when she speaks
The way she does.
There's nothin' more
To say, becuz,
it always seems
As sure as fate.
That’s where we hike.
To, soon or late.
MIMHHUMMMMIMttHMmHIIIIHMItlMUHMI
HARD To TEI.I,.
I'pon the sombre . » head. „* such.
Appears a "wealth of hair."
V. <; wonder tr it cosi her much,
Or if II just grew there,
A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.
"Double seems always prepared to eg
ress an opinion on any subject."
"After hearing some of his opinions ex
pressed, I am of tile opinion that Dob'd*
Is never prepared.”
DISTRACTING THE MIND. !
"Why do you suppose It is that a |nv ji
ride Is considered a sure cure for sorrow
ful reflections?"
"Chiefly. J Imagine, because it is Impos
sible for a person to mope and run in
automobile 40 or 30 miles an hour at the
same time."
PROOF. ,
"You are not my friend. Wooster."
I am your friend. Blffels. I never say
w'hat I think of your neckties."
FOOldSH QUESTION.
"Well! Well! Another rich old fellow
has fallen in love with a telephone girl’*
voice."
"Over the wire?"
"Oh, certainly nut. Tt seems that she
was making a stump speech at the Unto
and yelling ‘Votes for women!’ ’•
A MERE MAN’S VIEW.
"Well, Wasserb.v, what do you think of
the fashionable Bulgarian blouse?"
"Every time I see a woman wearing a
Bulgarian blouse T can t help wondering
if there isn’t something or other some,
where or other that she forsot to ioofc
UP", _ W
VARIOUS MATTERS.
Ethel Barrymore-Chit Is scoring heavily
os a mother.
The Pike at the San Francisco fair
any other name will he the Pike.
Another 100 to 1 shot wins. If fortune,
tellers could only tell us something lik%
that in advance!
The spirit of a departed golf player,
w hen sought by a medium not long ago,
failed lo "tee up." PAUD COOK.
ALFRID AUSTIN’S SUCCESSOR
-- - I
From the New York Post.
THE question has been raised whether
there wll be a successor at all. A
special dispatch In the Times de
clares It possible that the government may
decide to abolish the office. Four years
elapsed between the death of Tennyson
and the appointment of Alfred Austin.
Tills long interregnum Is not to be entirely
explained by the difficulty of finding a
poet worthy to step Into Tennyson's shoes.
During three years out of the four the
liberals were In power, anil the nomina
tion of a poe- laureate by a libera! prime
minister presents peculiar embarrass
ments. The party traditions are against
Imperialism and against the undue glori
fication of nar. But what is a national
poet without a touch of the Jingo? The
lamcateshlp almost demands a conserva
tive. in an age of rapid transformation
like the present. In addition to singing the
nation's victories he Is by definition ex
pected to sing, as Alfred Austin did, of
those institutions which have been t.ie
making of England's greatness In the
past, the throne, the aristocracy, the great
landed Interests, that entire orderly sys
tem which presented Itself even to Ten
nyson as embodying progress by broaden
ing down from precedent to precedent. But
It is hard to Imagine any poet In whose
appointment Mr. Lloyd George had a
share, chanting the praises of England's
landed gentry.
The difficulty Is one which even a con
servative imperialistic ministry must face,.
Alfred Austin's poetic qualifications ap
peared nil the more meager because Swin
burne and Kipling were possibilities. But
the authur of Atalanta was impossible for
a nation with whom Puritanism Is not a
tradition, hut a fact; a fact which may
be deplored, but must be recognized. The
Swlnburrfe who sang or England's sea as
no other poet before him, could not atone
for the author of Dolores and Faustlne.
Nor could Kipling's Recessional, In itself
a suftlclent title for the post of national
poet, - obliterate I he slang or the Bar
rack Room Ballads. It ^difficult to Im
agine a laureate who has referred to the
Empress-Queen as "the widow," however
affectionate the poet's Ini niTon may- have
been. Kipling's manner was revolutionary
even If his political views were nationally
sound, and a poetic revolutionary Is out
ol' place as laureate. One thing Is pertain,
that Kipling as poet laureate would ne
longer he Kipling to the great majority
of Ills admirers. Nor Is It at all certain
that to the great, mediocre mass or the
English nation his astounding nerve, hla
audacity, the very brilliancy of Ills hetero.
dox genius would not be disconcerting.
In Its corporate sentiments every nation
clings to the ancient forms and the an
cient decorum.
The problem of the laureateshlp might
he disposed of by the liberals in another
way lhan by abolishing the office through
omitting to designate a successor to Al
fred Austin. They might make an ap
pointment of such a nature as to change
the entre character of the laureateshlp.
Instead of being an office, whether party
or national, the post might he made an
honor conferred for artistic merit, carrying
no obligations with It. It would simply
be the expression of the opinion of the
government In power that the poet thuf
honored Is the greatest English poet of his
day I here would still he the anomaly ol
such a Judgment being rendered by a
gioiip of politicians. At the same time
freed from party claims, the cahimt might
lor the time being regard iiself as the
nation s representatives for the encour
agement of literature. If. for Instance.
Mr. Asquith were to nominate Rudyard
kipllng, and Mr. Kipling could he Induced
to accept, the change In the naturp of tne
aureateshlp would lie automatic. Kip
ling: s nomination by a liberal miniKtrv
would at once make an end of the par
tisan nature of the office. It would go
with the understanding that no ceremonial
odes and paeans are expected from the
new laureate, or that he Is at liberty to
write against the government If he so
chooses.
But If the liberals are determined upon
no radical change and set themselves to
And r successor to Alfred Austin, tha
party Is better off today than It was 1}
years ago. William Watson Is. unfor
tunately. not eligible, for oetnona! rrnuun
Rut I here Is Stephen Phillips, and there
Is Alfred Noyes. The latter's .pialltica
tlons rank high. He has sung the glory
of England's past In his epic "Drake,'•
and the Mermaid Tavern tales. He Is an
ardent apostle of International peace.
Though this is a Handicap for a poet who
may at any moment be called upon to
write the wai songs of his country, for tli«
time being It would be a factor in IUa
favor with the liberal majority.
THI BENCH-LEGGED FYCE
By Eugene Field.
SPEAKIN’ of dorgs, my bench-legged fyce
Hed most o' the virtues, an' nary a vice.
Some folks called him Sooner, a name that ar^se,
p'rom his predisposition to chronic repose;
But, rouse his ambition, he couldn't be beat—
Yei bet he got thar on all his four foot'
Mos’ dorgs hez some forte—like huntin’ an’ such,
But the sports o’ the field didn’t bothei him much;
Wuz just a plain durg’ an’ contented to he
On peaceable terms with the neighbors’ an’ me;
1‘sed to fiddle an’ squirm, and grim, “Oh. how, nice!"
When I tickled the back of that bench-legged fyce!
He wuz long in the bar’l, like a fy^o cughter be;
His color wuz ynller as ever you see;
His tall, curlin’ upward, wuz long, loose, an’ slim—
When he dldn t wag It, why. the tail it wagged him!
His legs wuz so crooked, my bench legged pup
Wuz as tall f-ettln’ down as he wu:: standin’ up!
He el lie by the stove of a night an’ ’. egret
The various vittles an’ things he had et;
When a stranger, most like a tramp, come along.
He’d lift up his voice In significant song—
You wondered, by gum! how there ever wuz space
In that bosom o’ hls’n to hold so much nass!
Of daytimes he’d sneak to the road an’ lie down.
An’ tackle the country dorgs cornin' to town;
By common consent he w'uz boss In St. Joe,
For what he took hold of he never let go!
An’ a dude tlpit come courtin’ our girl left a slice
Of his white flannel suit with our bench-legged fyce I
He wuz good to i s kids—when we pulled at his fur
Or twisted his tall he would never lemur;
He seemed to enjoy all our play an’ our chaff.
For his tongue ’u’d hang out an’ he’d laff an’ he’d lalfj
An’ once, when the Hobart boy fell through the Ire.
He wuz drug clean ashore by that bench legged fyce!
We all hev our choice, an’ you. like the rest,
Allow that the dorg which you’ve got Is the best!
f wmildn’t give much for the boy ’at gretvs up
With no friendship subslatin’ ’tween him an’ a pup!
When a fellow’ gits old—I tell you its nice
To think of his youth, and his bench legged fyce!
To think of the springtime ’way back in St. Joe-*
Of the peach trees abloom an’ the dairies ablow;
To thin . of the play in the medder un’ grove,
When little legs wrassled an’ little hap'* strove;
To think of the loyalty, valor, an’ truth
Of the friendships that hallow the seaaoa of youth!
m