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THE AGE-HERALD K. H. BARRETT.Editor Entered at the Birmingham, Ala., postoffice as second class matter under act of Congress March 3, 1879. Daily and Sunday Age-Herald.... $8.00 Daily and Sunday, per month.... 7 0 Dally and Sunday, three months.. 2.00 Weekly Age-Herald, per annum.. .50 Sunday Age-Herald. 2.00 Subscriptions payable in advance. W. H. Overbey and A. J. Eaton, Jr., are the only authorized traveling repre sentatives of The Age-Herald in its cir culation department. No communication will be published without its author’s name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose. Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will hot be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address, THE AGE-HERALD, Birmingham, Ala. Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build ing European bureau, 5 Henrietta street. Covent Garden, London. Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to 50, inclusive, Tribune building. New York city; western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for eign advertising. TELEPHON'D Bell (private exchange connect!** all departments), No. 4000. The night In whlny; and they say we shall emhnttle By the second hour I* the morn, — Antony and Cleopatra. No More Laureates The 17 English laureates included Southey, Wordsworth and Tennyson, but the list consists chiefly of mere versifiers. Chaucer was perhaps the best known of the older on%s. Queen Elizabeth overlooked Shakespeare and chose Daniel, whom- no one can re call. And so it has been all down through the long list. The news c*wies now from London that the Kiaf considers the post of poet laureate as obsolete as that of court jester, and that no successor to Alfred Austin will be named. The long line of poets will simply, in that case, become one of the traditions of the British court. They will all go to join the court jesters. It is probably better to let the honor lapse. An official singer at the i-oyal court has become sadly out of date, an anachronism that need not be repeated. Like many another thing it has outlived its usefulness, if it ever had any, and the chances are that the dead singer will be the last of the official poets. Another immigration Bill President Taft vetoed the Burnett immigration bill on account of its literacy test. The real object of that test was to reduce immigration, and when the present Congress passes a new immigration bill means will be found to place some restrictions on immigration. Senator Dillingham has already introduced a bill that proposes to restrict immigration from any na tion to 10 per cent of the total number of such nationality. The Vermont sen ator proposes in this way to reduce Italian, Greek, Turkish and Austro Hungarian immigration. Mr. Burnett has studied the subject a long time and from all angles on both sides of the sea, and when a new bill is prepared he will he pretty sure to put into it some of the knowledge he has gained in his long service on the immigration committee. He is now chairman of the House Committee, and the new bill will no doubt be the best that he has in the shop. Convicts and Koad Building Ihe day will come when the high ways of Alabama will be constructed and kept in repair entirely by the convicts. We need great state roads and these roads should be built by the state convicts and the county roads should be built by the county con victs. Jefferson county is already experimenting with the convict sys tem and as this system has been tried and proved highly successful in Geor gia and other states it is safe to as sume that it will be successful here. A movement in favor of changing the state convict policy is now well under way. At a conference held re cently to consider convict plans, Capt. frank S. W hite was chosen chairman and John W. O'Neill secretary. They have decided to call a general meet ing for June 14 in Birmingham, and they are receiving letters from repre sentative men in every section of -Alabama strongly indorsing the move ment. There are fewer convicts employed in the coal mines now than in many years past, but the state's policy should be settled and settled definitely against leasing the convicts to any corporation. The reason that Georgia is so far ahead of Alabama in its good roads is because her convicts have for some years been road builders. As soon as this state adopts the same plan fine macadam highways up and down the state and across the state will be the rule. . Crops and Politics This country is blessed with good crops and good government. Every re port that comes in points to great crops, and the winter wheat crop is nearly assured. It is to be very large. To big crops is added confidence in the * \ integrity and capacity of President Wilson All begin to feel that he is j making a fine President, one to be I trusted on all questions. And yet in the eastern states par ties are engaged in cutting down prices and in working up a a feeling of discontent and lack of confidence. What is there to justify this? Ab solutely nothing. A tariff written by Oscar Underwood is a tariff that will i do just what he says it will. He has ; considered every line of it, and when this revenue tariff reduced in accord ance with the demands of public senti ment becomes law the big crops will begin to pour in, and the Panama canal will be opened, and the pessi mist.'/ of today will become optimists in September. All the pretended dis content must be worked up before September, for after that time there will be small room for it in this country. Everything points to pros perity and happiness in September. Forming House Budget Committee The House intends to have a budget committe which will report early in each session the sum total that can be appropriated. A budget to be of value must be a budget that will not be ex ceeded. This budget must be respected by the Senate as well as by the House, and it may become the duty of the House to trim Senate additions to ap propriation bills until the total amount is within the budget. Two plans are before the House and either is good. The budget in ■ this country will not come from the cabi net, but from the House itself, and the manner of organizing a budget committee in the House now under consideration, and the best features of the Fitzgerald and Sherley plans will probably be woven into the budget reform which the House is about to adopt. A budget committee to regulate ap propriations, particularly, to name the maximum amount of the year's appro priations, has long been needed, and the House is prepared to do its dutyt Mr. Underwood is a budget reformer, and so for that matter are all the other leaders in the House. Reforms reach culmination slowly in this coun try, but action is quick enough when public sentiment is fully ripe, as it plainly is in the matter of having a budget in this country before any ap propriations are made—a budget that will be arbitrary and controlling. Office Seeking the Man Cases have been known where high office sought the man and not the man the office. Such cases are rare, but one of them seems to be that in connection with the position of am bassador to France. President Wil son has several times offered that attractive post to William McCombs, chairman of the national democratic committee, and Mr. McCombs has each time declined. It is said that the President is still hoping to induce Mc Combs to accept. The chairmanship of a great na tional party is no small matter. It is a position of great responsibility and honor and men especially equipped for that sort of work are usually selected. The chairman, of course, is in the spotlight from the jump and if his party wins he deserves and usually receives large credit for it. Mr. McCombs managed the last democratic campaign with real ability and patriotism and devotion to his party were his motives. Such a man was the late William F. Harrity of Pennsylvania, who was the chairman of the national demo cratic party in 1892, when Cleveland was elected the second time. It is understood that Mr. Cleveland offered him a high office, but the chairman modestly declined to accept any gov ernment position. In this age of officeseeking and all sorts of self seeking it is refreshing to find men of the Harrity and McCombs type.__ In the supreme court in New York be fore Justice Amend and a jury the print era of a fashion magazine. "Paris Modes," the YVynkoop, Hallenbeck, Crawford com pany sued the executors of the estate of John 8. Huyler and Thomas J. Gaines. Jr., for $26,767. It appeared that the late candy manufacturer spent $249,500 In the vain endeavor to help his favorite nephew, Thomas J. Gaines, Jr., establish a fashion magazine. Altogether the losses amounted to $325,000. The printers alleged that If it had not been for Mr. Huyler's enthus icsllc support of the magazine at first the printers never would have been misled even hv the reports of a mercantile agency giving it a very high financial rating. It was because It was supposed that Mr. Huyler was "hack of the publication” that they were willing to extend credit. At the first day's sale at Christie’s. In London, of old English furniture and porcelain, eastern rugs and carpets, the property of Clarence Wilson, 12 y„een Anne gilt chairs with canework seats and panels in Hie backs, the tops carved with a mask, s-hells and foliage, on cabriole legs with lions' masks and claw reet. sold ! for $4093. Other prices were: A set of three vases and covers and a pair of breakers, painted with flowering plants and rocks. In panels divided by trellis pat tern bands and with lambrequin panels around the shoulders and feet, $1995: a Persian carpet with a conventionally ar ranged design of leaves and flowers on fink center and green border, 16 feet 3 Inches by 7 feet 2 inches, $1310. The total for the day's sale was $29,629. . The end sent hog of the street car ha engaged the attention ol Ma'or Gayncr. In a special message to the board of al dermen the mayor suggested that the hog he made by law to surrender his choice post. “The habit of all selfish people, especially if they be big and fat. ' reads the mayor's message “is to take the end place on the seats of the summer cars and stick there Instead of moving along to the other end when more people get on the car. I would suggest that ybu con sider passing an ordinance making this practice a misdemeanor. The selfishness and hoggishness of some peo.de in this matter Is a distressing spectacle.” A res olution embodying the mayor’s view?was introduced, and. amid considerable merri ment. referred to a committee. It pro vides for a maximum punishment of six months' imprisonment and $100 fine for anyone refusing to move along an unfilled seat when requested to do so by a per son boarding the car. Senator Penrose says tnc olu fashioned lobbyist wearing a plug hat and unctious burnside* is dead, and surely the Pennsyl vania senator knows a lobbyist when he sees one. The House is not inclined to buy the $200,000 Barber estate in Washington as a home for the vice president, unless one is also purchased for the speaker's use. The colonel was a good governor In New York, but In either North Carolina nor South Carolina he would not fill the bill. The people of South Carolina propose to send Cole Blease to the Senate. They de sire to unload him on somebody. A judge named Flannigan presided in the Marquette trial, and he kept the law yers from scrapping. Grape 4uice manufacturers are waking up. Each claims to be under the wing of this administration. J. M. Barrie confers more honor on the whole list of baronets than the new honor confers on him. This is the open season for lobbyists, and the Senate committee reports a scar city of game. Rudyard Kipling escaped the laureate ship once and his luck may not have for saken him. The first months tax receipts in the new tax year In New York city foots up $53,300,0001 Huerta has borrowed some money and the revolution will go right on un checked. The no breakfast movement is gaining strength in this country as well as in Fiance. The vice president is averse to the pur chase of a house for his use in Washing ton. Italy buys cotton seed oil to put in the oil she sells to this country. Auto polo is coming, and arnica and splints will be in great demand. HR TOOK A NAP From the Chicago Tribune. It happened during one of the games be tween the Sox and the Tigers. High up among the grandstand seats back of third base sat a rathe, chunky young man wearing a good suit of clothes and a bored look. At the end of the first inning the game stood 1 to 0 in favor of the home team. The visitors went to bat. The young man. with a prodigious yawn, w ent to sleep. A few minutes later something happened and the crowd went wild. Everybody stood up and yelled. Everybody, that is, except the chunky young man. He sat motionless, with his chin on his broad breast, still sleeping c*e 1 enely. Fifteen or twenty minutes later some thing happened again, and again the crowd went wild. Ten thousand voices rent the air. But they didn’t disturb that youth. Then the people around him began 10 notice him. They said in loud voices: “AH out!" “Far as we go!” “Tickets!” “Change cars!" “Take the car ahead;” Nothing doing. He still slept. Then somebody roared In his ear: “Wake up. you lummox! You don't know what you’re missing! Cicotte is striking out Ty Cobb—Ty Cobb, d’ye hear? —every time he comes to bat!” The chunky young man half opened one eye. “Call me at 7 o’.'lock,” he mumbled—and dropped asleep again. THE FIRST "DEADHEADS” From "A History of Pantomime,’’ by R. i H. Broadhead. Persons were instructed to give ap plause with skill. The proficient hired themselves out to the poets, authors, etc., and were so disposed as to support a loud applause. • • • The free ad mission tickets were small ivory death's heads, and specimens of these are to be seen in the Museum of Naples. ELECTRIC STOVES FOR POLICE From Electricity. In Glasgow the police on night duty are being afforded facilities for warm ing food and tea at certain street tele phone and signal boxes. To this end the boxes are fitted with electrical hot plates, which can bn switched on to the corporation mains and utilized for warming food or drink. Twenty min utes are allowed for supper, and the circuit is so arranges that the heater element cannot be left under ‘current when not in use, even if the user omits to switch off. Each box is also fitted with a telephone communicating with ! the nearest police depot, and a red signal lamp controlled from the super intendent's office. When glowing, this signal indicates that telephonic com munication is required with the first constable who see it. BEATS BRYAN'S RECORD From the Kansas City Star. Arkansas has no politicians like Bryan, Grant, Blaine and such men," remarked a man in a little hotel in the Ozarks one night, as the crowd sat around the stove discussing the usual topics thrashed out In a hotel office. •There's where you are mistaken,! stranger," said a native, who was in town 'tending cou't." "Why, we have one down in our township that can bea* Bryan ail hollow." "I never heard of him,” said the trav eling man in surprise. "Who is he?” "It's Bill Haney.” said the country, man. "Why. man, lie's run far school trustee six times and never <ome with in 50 votes o’ bein’ elected, IN HOTEL LOBBIES The Spelling; lire "I iccie’.l the spelling bees tha were fiuit^ popular In the cities and small towns of tills country some years ago. and 1 think It would be well to revive them.' I said an old c itizen “Those spelling matches were both diverting and to some extent educational. They were decided!} educational in their tendency because > OUng folks who took part or who were in the audience were led to discuss tilings pertaining to education and t«* general culture. In other words, the atmosphere v as educational. "I was glad to read in The Age-llerald a Washington dispatch giving an account of an ‘old fashioned spelling bee’ con ducted by the National Press club. 'I he President of the United States and the Secretary of Slate attended the bee and the contestants were distinguished states men and newspaper men. Congressman Frank R. Willis of Ohio was the winner. Pome of the words missed by t,1e uext best speller, Senator Poindexter, were familiar, every da words, but some were technical words, seldom met with oulsid0 cf scientific publications *»r the dic tionary. "I was surprised at Senator rmnneuer s misspelling words so familiar canta loupe. dasuerreotype. ecumenical and desuetude. Also 1 was particularly sur prised that the able senator missed bdel lium. I happen to know Senator Poindex ter and I regard him as a man of fine culture, hut when he showed that he was not familiar with bdellium it led me. to suspect that he had not been much of a Sunday school boy. “In my young days, every hoy. un less his parents were out and out heath ens, went to Sunday school. \Ve had to •ead passages from the Old and New Testaments. Every child, as I remem ber, was furnished with a Bible and the reading was by verse;3, in the second chapter of the hook of Genesis tlie word bdellium occurs. It occurs again In the book of Numbers. The teacher ex plained that bdellium was sonic kind of a precious stone a ruby. I believe. The pupils In the class called it ’be I dellium,’ but according to the accepted authorities the b is silent. By reference | to the dictionaries it seems that bdellium in today’s commerce is a resin gum.’ “As to the word ecumenical, which Senator Poindexter missed, it used to be spelled with the diphthong oe, but it is | usually spelled now simply with the e. The average lay reader was not familiar with the word, perhaps, until 1869 when j the Ecumenical Council of the Vatican was held. Since that time the word has been quite common, as it has been used by Christian bodies holding interna tional meetings." March of EveutN Clouds Memory "The matter of memory as to details of Incidents happening years ago. par ticularly at such trying times as great battles, should not draw caustic and cap tious critcism," said a son of a confed erate veteran, "and a half century is a long time. “I note the press comments of the ques tion as to w'ho was commander of Wil cox's brigade at the ‘crater.' Now, in those days, very rapid changes took place, sometimes for various reasons other than the casualties of the war. It is true that Col. J. C. C. Sanders of tlie Eleventh Alabama commanded Wilcox’s brigade at the ’crater’ in front of Peters burg July 30, 1864. At Gettysburg Wil cox's brigade consisted of the Eighth, Ninth, Tenth. Eleventh and Fourteenth Alabama regiments, and also at the crater. “Gen. Cadmus M. Wilcox was a na tive of Tennessee and entered the con federate service at the ago of 35. After his brilliant record at Gettysburg he was appointed major general August 13. 1863, but was not confirmed by the confederate | congress until 1SH4.” “There is glory enough from Manassas, Gettysburg. Chickamauga and many other ensanguined fields for all confederate vet erans. never mind who commanded at the time under discussion.” Kryl'e Band Music lovers, including hundreds of per sons musically educated and hundreds who simply enjoy music when they hear it. had a great treat in Kryl’s band yes terday afternoon and last night. A mem ber of Birmingham's musical set said: "Kryl has an exceptionally fine con cert band. No band of its size—29 per formers, not counting the conductor— ever gave such satisfaction, perhaps, to discriminating listeners. Two reasons ac count for the excellence of the band. One is the high quality of the perform ers and the other is the marked ability of the conductor. "It is something of an orchestral band not because of the string instruments employed, for there Is only ft bass viol and a harp, but the phrasing is more orchestral than used to be the case in brass and reed organizations. The en semble is perfect and the brass instru ments are kept in perfect tune, which is not always the case with some of the celebrated professional bands. "Mr. JCrju’s interpretations suggest the poetic mind and he reads into his light encore pieces as well as the more pre tentious compositions soul and rhythmic beauty. He accents his rhythms strongly, which is as much as to say the play ing of the band is never commonplace or draggy. Mr. Kryl Is himself a great cornetist and in his brilliant cornet num bers he was recalled again and again. "It would be safe to say that the men and women w-ho made up the vast audi-; ences would vote unanimously to have I Kryl and his band here again next sea son." Heath of a Veteran "J. Foster Marshall, who was recently admitted to the soldiers’ home, died sud denly at that institution last Tuesday! morr.ing and was buried in the soldlerg' | cemetery on Wednesday,” said Gen. F. S. j Ferguson. “Several friends of the deceased asked me about him over the telephone, and I take this method of informing them that Captain Simpson, commandant of the; home, has conveyed to me the sad Intel- ; ligence. Foster Marshall was In quite j feeble health when he entered the home." | Bum? Time* Hereabout "This news item, bearing a Birming ham date, and published in all of the industrial papers this week,” said a business man, "ought to prove very encouraging to this community. ‘Every mine in this section is running full blast, and the year promises to be a record breaker. Many new mines are to be opened up at an early date, am! shafts long since Idle have been put in service.’ "The picture is truthfully drawn. It is an encouraging picture, .pnd por tends continued and increased pros perity in this district. It forestalls any possibility of unrest. uncertainty, paralysis or alarm over congressional t • • legislation, political or labor agitation, nn«i brightens the way. "It is not difficult tQ discover anti understand the causes of this healthful condition of ou’* industrial field. It Is the same old story Natural resources am! surroundings, willingness of capital to Invest; determination, strength and energy of labor to accomplish; and peaceful attitude between the two mu tually dependent, arms of industrial accomplishment—capital anti labor. "Capital lias learned that labor must be protected am' compensated equita bly, to make efficient anil strong that very necessary clement in industrial development, and capital is responding here to tills demand. "Labor is recognizing tills apprecia tion of its value, and Is responding honorably, faithfully and peacefully, with strong arm. and helpful hand Thus the two make possible the picture as it is drawn." The Iron Market "More inquiry and more interest In prices are the features of tite iron market," say Matthew. Addy & Co. in their Cincinnati report. "Demand for1 steel-making irons is particulaly heavy. At the present time half a dozen of the large independent mills are ready to buy anti are simply waiting to be tempted by prices that appear suffi ciently low. Buyers themselves are tak ing the liberty of making their own prices. That is the peculiarity of the present market. The worst of the thing is—speaking from the standpoint of the iron master—that the buyers have been able to get away with it. Of course, the time is coming—and It may be here now—when the downward course of the market will be stayed, "There is no doubt that when pur chasers hear tlie dull thud of prices striking tlie bottom they will make a simultaneous rush to place their or ders and history will repeat itself. To day southern No. 2 is $11.50 and northern No. 2 is $14.75, with but few furnaces abje to figure out a profit. Most of them must have more money or hang up their shutters. "The one favorable feature of the situation is that most consumers are busy and the prospects are good. But there is a universal hope that Wash ington will not long dally with the great vital questions of the tariff and banking reform, for it Is realized that until these matters are definitely con cluded business will be unsettled. As It is now everyone is apprehensive and a mood of timidity is not good for trade.” STYLES AT THE CAPITAL From "Affairs at Washington.” Joe Mit chell Chappie in National Magazine for June. A curious request came to the editor ir the early spring months. “The next time you go to Washington." wrote a sub-; scriber, "won't you make some observa tions and tell us what the real styles are, as observed by a man? We have fashion books, of course, out what docs the aver age man observe in woman’s attire?" The letter was dispatched to Washing ton with other memoranda, but lay neg lected in its envelope until one afternoon I stumbled In on a deputation from a lashlonable young ladles’ school being re ceived by the President in tile East Room of the White House. They were a bright lot of glils, laughing and chatting as be came young and pietty maid. ns. Every; hat seemed to have a ribbon rudder vest ing out prominent.v astern. The mascu line mind was wondering what Kept that waterless rudder so steady in a breeze. "Boat shaped" hats seemed the trend of that line of millinery. There were hats; with a little lone aigrette popping up like! a lonesome try sail located well aft. Theio were sweeping hats, suggesting saucy I yachts, floating over dainty little shell like ears, other hats ooked like colored pump kins, one-quarter t ize, tilted to the right,! and other had a sweeping plume like i. 1 side wheel steamer. To the masculine ob server there seemed a nautical turn to most of the milinc.y “creations.” Seme of them might be worshipped with out breaking any of the commandments, being utterly unlike anything either In the heavens above or the earth beneath. The absence of birds on those hats would have delighted the Audubon and Humane socie ties, for not a bird was in sight in that, line of hat craft, although it looked as if several bird’s nest lace* creations were stowed away In .some of the crowns. So far as the editorial eye of the observer could see, the hat bodies were made of straw. This I believe characterizes sum mer time headgear. As the request was limited to styles, nothing may be added or conjectured as :o the "high cost" of the various creations. The dainty jackets, loosely worn, resem bled in the upper story the lines of a fancy pajama, while the lower story was reefed to preserve the nautical trend of the fash ions. The one thing that really impressed the masculine mind was the simplicity in that stylish gathering. It may be that "votes for women" has had its influence on styles —at any rate 1 am Informed that later in the season hats will be tilted to the star board, or rather "to the right," as the new ruling of the naval deparHnent has it, and carry more rim and sail, as the equinoctial storms ; pproach and the bills come due for papa to consider. There now—I’ve done my best, but Mr. Pok ought to keen his end up better, and rot require an editor in tan shoes to com ment on w hat seems to be another edjtor’f, special and peculiar province. THE IMITATIVE FACU1-TV From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. The man had a magazine vith a brilliant cover, largely reds and yellows. He ran through the pages to a certain story and straightway became absorbed In it. The car was an eld fashioned one, with side seats. Opposite to the man sat a half dozen young women and girls. Presently the man looked over the top of the magazine—he had been holding it be fore his face—and was surprised to notice that several of the girb were making pe culiar grimaces. Almost immediately two ol the older girls drew down their eye brows and blew out their lips in a very singular way. They din’t seem to notice the man s glance. All the girls were en grossed by the magazine cover. One girl shut heF eyes, another drew up the cor ners of her mouth, a third assumed a smirk. For a full half minute or more the man watched these grimaces. Then ne dozed the magazine and turned it around and stared at the cover. The face 'pf a summer girl—an artist’s summer girl-looked up at him. it was a pink and white face, with the eyelids slightly lowered, the eyeballs turned tip, the mouth smiling, the dimples very deep indeed. The artist had given the girl a look that was at once coy, demure, kit tenish and frisky—and every one of those girls on the other side of the car had been trying to imitate it! The man looked from the pictured girl tr- the girls across the aisle. They were all staring at the advertisements over his head and their fa^ were red—very red. Then the man laughed and resumed his reading. ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES LIFE’S ENDLESS WOES. Fuji many a man Does all that he can To walk through life contented, But is apt to swear And wrinkles wear, If he lives in a house that's rented. Down comes the rain. But why complain That the roof is badly leaking. Ami the pipes are burst And the steps are curst? » Nr use the landlord seeking. And just at the time When lie might fed prime. Both himself and the world admiring, The electric lights Won’t burn o' nights, ’Cause there's something wrong with the wiring. That's why. though a man Do all that he can To smile and appear contented, He's apt to cuss Like the rest of ns Who live in a house that's rented. LAY CRITICISM. "Don’t you think Miss Screecher sings with a great deal of expression?” ”1 certainly do. 1 don't think I ever saw another human being make such faces as she makes when she sings.” A SELFISH MOTIVE. When Biggs to gi. e me praise is fain, Or says he weeps to see my sorrow, I wonder, when we meet again. Just how much liig&s will want to bor row, SAMMY SPEAKS. The question s where To spend the summer; Pa says it's apt To be a .hi miner And thinks Pine Crest Is pretty fair— I’ll bet my hat We don't go there! ’Cause ma just keep* Her mouth shut tight When pa makes plans ’Most every night, i don’t know whpre She wants to go. But twon’t be long Before we ll know. And when she speaks The way she does. There's nothin' more To say, becuz, it always seems As sure as fate. That’s where we hike. To, soon or late. MIMHHUMMMMIMttHMmHIIIIHMItlMUHMI HARD To TEI.I,. I'pon the sombre . » head. „* such. Appears a "wealth of hair." V. <; wonder tr it cosi her much, Or if II just grew there, A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. "Double seems always prepared to eg ress an opinion on any subject." "After hearing some of his opinions ex pressed, I am of tile opinion that Dob'd* Is never prepared.” DISTRACTING THE MIND. ! "Why do you suppose It is that a |nv ji ride Is considered a sure cure for sorrow ful reflections?" "Chiefly. J Imagine, because it is Impos sible for a person to mope and run in automobile 40 or 30 miles an hour at the same time." PROOF. , "You are not my friend. Wooster." I am your friend. Blffels. I never say w'hat I think of your neckties." FOOldSH QUESTION. "Well! Well! Another rich old fellow has fallen in love with a telephone girl’* voice." "Over the wire?" "Oh, certainly nut. Tt seems that she was making a stump speech at the Unto and yelling ‘Votes for women!’ ’• A MERE MAN’S VIEW. "Well, Wasserb.v, what do you think of the fashionable Bulgarian blouse?" "Every time I see a woman wearing a Bulgarian blouse T can t help wondering if there isn’t something or other some, where or other that she forsot to ioofc UP", _ W VARIOUS MATTERS. Ethel Barrymore-Chit Is scoring heavily os a mother. The Pike at the San Francisco fair any other name will he the Pike. Another 100 to 1 shot wins. If fortune, tellers could only tell us something lik% that in advance! The spirit of a departed golf player, w hen sought by a medium not long ago, failed lo "tee up." PAUD COOK. ALFRID AUSTIN’S SUCCESSOR -- - I From the New York Post. THE question has been raised whether there wll be a successor at all. A special dispatch In the Times de clares It possible that the government may decide to abolish the office. Four years elapsed between the death of Tennyson and the appointment of Alfred Austin. Tills long interregnum Is not to be entirely explained by the difficulty of finding a poet worthy to step Into Tennyson's shoes. During three years out of the four the liberals were In power, anil the nomina tion of a poe- laureate by a libera! prime minister presents peculiar embarrass ments. The party traditions are against Imperialism and against the undue glori fication of nar. But what is a national poet without a touch of the Jingo? The lamcateshlp almost demands a conserva tive. in an age of rapid transformation like the present. In addition to singing the nation's victories he Is by definition ex pected to sing, as Alfred Austin did, of those institutions which have been t.ie making of England's greatness In the past, the throne, the aristocracy, the great landed Interests, that entire orderly sys tem which presented Itself even to Ten nyson as embodying progress by broaden ing down from precedent to precedent. But It is hard to Imagine any poet In whose appointment Mr. Lloyd George had a share, chanting the praises of England's landed gentry. The difficulty Is one which even a con servative imperialistic ministry must face,. Alfred Austin's poetic qualifications ap peared nil the more meager because Swin burne and Kipling were possibilities. But the authur of Atalanta was impossible for a nation with whom Puritanism Is not a tradition, hut a fact; a fact which may be deplored, but must be recognized. The Swlnburrfe who sang or England's sea as no other poet before him, could not atone for the author of Dolores and Faustlne. Nor could Kipling's Recessional, In itself a suftlclent title for the post of national poet, - obliterate I he slang or the Bar rack Room Ballads. It ^difficult to Im agine a laureate who has referred to the Empress-Queen as "the widow," however affectionate the poet's Ini niTon may- have been. Kipling's manner was revolutionary even If his political views were nationally sound, and a poetic revolutionary Is out ol' place as laureate. One thing Is pertain, that Kipling as poet laureate would ne longer he Kipling to the great majority of Ills admirers. Nor Is It at all certain that to the great, mediocre mass or the English nation his astounding nerve, hla audacity, the very brilliancy of Ills hetero. dox genius would not be disconcerting. In Its corporate sentiments every nation clings to the ancient forms and the an cient decorum. The problem of the laureateshlp might he disposed of by the liberals in another way lhan by abolishing the office through omitting to designate a successor to Al fred Austin. They might make an ap pointment of such a nature as to change the entre character of the laureateshlp. Instead of being an office, whether party or national, the post might he made an honor conferred for artistic merit, carrying no obligations with It. It would simply be the expression of the opinion of the government In power that the poet thuf honored Is the greatest English poet of his day I here would still he the anomaly ol such a Judgment being rendered by a gioiip of politicians. At the same time freed from party claims, the cahimt might lor the time being regard iiself as the nation s representatives for the encour agement of literature. If. for Instance. Mr. Asquith were to nominate Rudyard kipllng, and Mr. Kipling could he Induced to accept, the change In the naturp of tne aureateshlp would lie automatic. Kip ling: s nomination by a liberal miniKtrv would at once make an end of the par tisan nature of the office. It would go with the understanding that no ceremonial odes and paeans are expected from the new laureate, or that he Is at liberty to write against the government If he so chooses. But If the liberals are determined upon no radical change and set themselves to And r successor to Alfred Austin, tha party Is better off today than It was 1} years ago. William Watson Is. unfor tunately. not eligible, for oetnona! rrnuun Rut I here Is Stephen Phillips, and there Is Alfred Noyes. The latter's .pialltica tlons rank high. He has sung the glory of England's past In his epic "Drake,'• and the Mermaid Tavern tales. He Is an ardent apostle of International peace. Though this is a Handicap for a poet who may at any moment be called upon to write the wai songs of his country, for tli« time being It would be a factor in IUa favor with the liberal majority. THI BENCH-LEGGED FYCE By Eugene Field. SPEAKIN’ of dorgs, my bench-legged fyce Hed most o' the virtues, an' nary a vice. Some folks called him Sooner, a name that ar^se, p'rom his predisposition to chronic repose; But, rouse his ambition, he couldn't be beat— Yei bet he got thar on all his four foot' Mos’ dorgs hez some forte—like huntin’ an’ such, But the sports o’ the field didn’t bothei him much; Wuz just a plain durg’ an’ contented to he On peaceable terms with the neighbors’ an’ me; 1‘sed to fiddle an’ squirm, and grim, “Oh. how, nice!" When I tickled the back of that bench-legged fyce! He wuz long in the bar’l, like a fy^o cughter be; His color wuz ynller as ever you see; His tall, curlin’ upward, wuz long, loose, an’ slim— When he dldn t wag It, why. the tail it wagged him! His legs wuz so crooked, my bench legged pup Wuz as tall f-ettln’ down as he wu:: standin’ up! He el lie by the stove of a night an’ ’. egret The various vittles an’ things he had et; When a stranger, most like a tramp, come along. He’d lift up his voice In significant song— You wondered, by gum! how there ever wuz space In that bosom o’ hls’n to hold so much nass! Of daytimes he’d sneak to the road an’ lie down. An’ tackle the country dorgs cornin' to town; By common consent he w'uz boss In St. Joe, For what he took hold of he never let go! An’ a dude tlpit come courtin’ our girl left a slice Of his white flannel suit with our bench-legged fyce I He wuz good to i s kids—when we pulled at his fur Or twisted his tall he would never lemur; He seemed to enjoy all our play an’ our chaff. For his tongue ’u’d hang out an’ he’d laff an’ he’d lalfj An’ once, when the Hobart boy fell through the Ire. He wuz drug clean ashore by that bench legged fyce! We all hev our choice, an’ you. like the rest, Allow that the dorg which you’ve got Is the best! f wmildn’t give much for the boy ’at gretvs up With no friendship subslatin’ ’tween him an’ a pup! When a fellow’ gits old—I tell you its nice To think of his youth, and his bench legged fyce! To think of the springtime ’way back in St. Joe-* Of the peach trees abloom an’ the dairies ablow; To thin . of the play in the medder un’ grove, When little legs wrassled an’ little hap'* strove; To think of the loyalty, valor, an’ truth Of the friendships that hallow the seaaoa of youth! m