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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, July 04, 1913, Image 4

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K. W. BAHKKTT.Ifiilltor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March o. 1879.
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald.... $8.00
Dally and Sunday, per month.... -70
Daily and Sunday, three months.. 2.00
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum.. .60
Sunday Age-Herald. 2.00
Subscriptions payable in advance.
A. J. Eaton. Jr., and O. E. Young are
the only authorized traveling represen
tatives of The Age-Herald in Us circula
tion department.
No communication wlli be published
without Its author’s name. ^Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
hot be responsible for money sent
through the mails. Address,
Birmingham. Ala.
Washington bureau, sl/r Hibbs build
European bureau. 6 Henrietta street.
Covent Garden. London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to
60, inclusive, Tribune building. New
York city; western business office,
Tribune building. Chicago. The fit C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
Bell (private exchange connecting all
departments). No. 4900.
Thrice famed beyond all erudition.
—-Troilu* and Crcssida.
Road Building in Michigan
Good roads as a political issue has
tome to be regarded as a chestnut, but
good roads as a practical® proposition
is quite another matter and is receiv
ing the very highest consideration,
and in that respect it is worth while
mentioning what has just been done
in Michigan.
The people of the northern part of
that state (and by people is meant
the men and women, boys and girls,
rich and poor), on an appointed day at
daylight undertook the work, and by
sunset they had built 250 miles of
graded and graveled road, along
which automobiles and wagons were
skimming the day after. This is a
practical demonstration of what it is
possible to do when people become
possessed of the proper spirit. These
workers were volunteers and, accord
ing to military men, one volunteer is
worth 10 mercenaries.
Every mile of good road adds im
mensely to the value of the land not
only along the road itself but for a
considerable distance away therefrom,
and these Michigan people had the
satisfaction of knowing that their one
day’s work had made everyone of
them richer by much more than the
actual value of the services rendered.
The application of this principle is
possible in many counties in Alabama.
There should be little difficulty in
rousing the enthusiasm of the people
to a pitch necessary to emulate the ex
ample set for them, and the effects
would act as a stimulant upon the
whole state.
There are many places in Jefferson
and adjoining counties which are at
present practically inaccessible be
cause of certain bad spots on the roads
and it is upon these that the convicts
might be set to work while the rest
^ the distance might be entrusted to
the voluntary labor of the residents—
If we had the Michigan spirit. What is
wanted here in Alabama is some of
that Michigan spirit, and it may be
here if only awakened.
Summer School Enrollment
It is highly gratifying to friends of
the University of Alabama to leant
that the summer school enrollment has
made a new high record. According
to the bursar’s report there are 558
Students, representing 64 of the 67
counties of Alabama. Tuscaloosa
leads with 69 students and .Jefferson
/ county follows with 61 students. It
!■ of interest to know that several
•tates outside of Alabama are send
ing students to the university summer
cchool—Mississippi, Florida, Georgia,
North Carolina and even Colorado.
Under the presidency of Dr. Denny
the University of Alabama is making
' steady progress. The summer school
is an institution of incalculable value
to those seeking some part in the
higher education. Post-graduates
profit by it and young men of aspira
tion who have not had privileges in
boyhood of acquiring a classical edu
cation can overcome deficiencies in a
large degree by attending the summer
school. _
Pig Iron Market Upward
The iron market, after a long period
of dullness, has a brighter outlook.
During the past two weeks sales have
increased in volume. One of the most
conservative brokerage firms says
that the “bulk of the business is being
done quietly and in that way is not
as noticeable as it generally is under
the same conditions, but the with
drawal of minimum prices which have
been existing in the south particu
larly, has given the tone which has
heretofore been lacking and makes the
feeling more secure that the present
month will see an improvement.”
In Birmingham nominal quotations
have been $11 for No. 2, but it is
understood that some Birmingham
^ iron has sold as. low as $10. It is said
f that shipments of finished steel
l products are being made at almost
S full capacity and the material is re
ported as being consumed promptly.
I ‘‘While business in steel," says an
i authority, “is slack, it is understood
that much more than half of all the
steel that can be made during the
balance of the year is called for by
contracts on the books of the manu
Business conditions are sound and
it is almost as certain that the price
of iron will shortly advance as that
the hot wave will spend itself in
due course of time.
It is reasonable to think that Bir
mingham iron will soon be selling
again at $12. The probability is that
the $12 mark will be reached before,
the middle of the present month.
The I>ay We Celebrate
Prior to the civil war the Fourth of
July was celebrated in the south with
patriotic ardor, as it well might have
been. The declaration of independence
was written by Thomas Jefferson and
of the 56 signers 18 were of colonies
which were afterwards known as
southern states. Virginia alone had
seven signers—Jefferson, Richard
Henry Lee, Francis Lightfoot Lee,
Benjamin Harrison, George Wythe,
Thomas Nelson and Carter Braxton.
With the war naturally came a
change in the attitude of the south.
The Fourth of July, 1863, was a fate
ful and depressing day for the Confed
eracy. Two episodal facts occurred on
that day—the retreat of the Confed
erate arms from Gettysburg and Gen
eral Grant’s entrance into Vicksburg.
These events were as far reaching as
they were distressful to the southern
people. In the half century that has
passed since then nothing has been so
noteworthy as the complete oblitera
tion of all bitterness that grew out
of the bloody strife. The country is
reunited and in every section of it
there is a distinct and lasting note of
As a composition in modern English
the declaration of independence is un
surpassed. There is no bombast, no
demagogy in it. It is solemn and state
ly and the preamble and the conclu
sion—“we, therefore”—will always be
accepted as specimens of classic style.
It used to be the custom for boys at
school to memorize the declaration of
independence. It was a good custom
and it should be continued.
Every intelligent American is famil
iar with the declaration whether he
knows it by heart or not and on this
glorious Fourth everybody from Maine
to Texas should feel in fraternal touch
with each other.
Pensacola’s Advantages
Dispatches to The Age-Herald from
Philadelphia yesterday intimated that
the Philadelphia navy yard as a ma
rine base would soon give way to
Pensacola, Fla., and that this move
would mean a loss of $2,000,000 a year
to the city of Philadelphia.
An officer of the Philadelphia navy
yard displays the usual ignorance
shown by people of the east about
southern conditions. Among other
things he said that the enlisted men
could not stand the heat of the south
ern climate. This is in face of the fact
that the government weather bureau's
report yesterday showed a tempera
ture of 90 in Philadelphia, 92 in New
York and 96 in Washington, while the
temperature on the gulf coast was 84.
This officer's reference to the Pen
sacola yard as being located on a sand
dune seven miles from the town prop
er, which he says has a population of
7000—in 1910 the federal census cred
ited it with a population of 22,982—
would seem to disqualify him for his
place on the ground of unfamiliarity
with the sea ports of his country.
Pensacola harbor is acknowledged
everywhere to be one of the finest har
bors on the gulf coast. Pensacola it
self is one of the southern cities which
are going forward with leaps and
bounds and it is a warm competi+or
with other gulf ports for strategic im
portance when the Panama canal is
opened. The Pensacola navy yard is
located upon the same magnificent
landlocked harbor upon which the city
of Pensacola is located. The navy yard
is far enough from the city so that
the enlisted men do not spend too
much time in places which they should
not frequent and city and the navy
yard are connected by electric line and
steam railway so as to make them
close enough together for all practical
Naval officers who show such com
plete ignorance about one of the
greatest ports on the Gulf of Mexico
should be transferred in order that he
may learn the real facts, if for no oth
er reason.
In the lirst three months of tills year
Great Britain Imported 40,000,000 dozen
eggs. If hens didn't keep at work moat
of the time there would soon be a mighty
howl going up, not only In Great Britain,
but practically everywhere else on this
mundane sphere.
The Philadelphia Public ledger wants
more brain and lass alfala in the stale
house of South Carolina. Looks like an
insinuation that the members have extra
long ears, or maybe a reference is made
to their whiskers.
When a man doesn't care a continental
whether his trousers are pressed or not,
l*e Is either a profound genius or \ cry
Four bulls charged the spectators at. a
Spanish bull fight, killing one man and in
juring several. Iiaii for the bulls!
A machine lias been perfected which
pours any dry powder into a paper bag,
but no mechanical means have yet been
Invented for powdering the tip of Mr«u
dine's nose.
After all, k is the grandstand players
who attract most attention in this old
world. Tt wouldn’t be so bad a situation if
mere of the grand stand players were sin*
According to statistics, more intoxicants
were used in 1913 than ever before. It is
easy to juggle figures, of course, but in
most cases government figures don't lie.
The high cost of living is still further
complicated when a man makes up his
mind that he can’t drink liquor that costs
less than 20 cents a thimbleful.
People who are always finding fault
with :the government are as a rule people
who have never learned how soothing It
is to work for the government.
«* l
Another battle of Gettysburg? What a
pity! Those old fellows ought not to be
permitted to drink fire water if they can’t
forget that the war is over.
The Wilson family carried 41 trunks to
their summer homo In New Hampshire.
Well, you can’t expect women to be Jef
fersonian democrats.
Blinding horses in Chicago to make
them docile la a form of cruelty that ought
to put the perpetrators in prison for an
extended stay.
A young woman graduated from a New 1
York school in a dress that costs 40 cents.
That’s even cheaper than a man’s sum
mer suit.
Mrs. Trout and Mrs. Bass are prominent
suffragettes in Illinois. Hope they’ll never
get the hook.
Dress reform is another kind of reform
that Is all noise and never seems to get
A Kansas court has decided that a pret
zel Is not food. “Gott in himmel!”
Cubist gowns are reported from Paris.
The last stage of a decadent art.
You will have to confess that Mr. La
mar is a versatile man.
“Tut, tut!” Wilson, that’s all.
Dr. Louis C. Ager in The Survey.
We always have with us a considerable
number of inhuman beings who are willing
to make capital out of the weaknesses ami
sins of their neighbors.' The Illicit sale
of cocaine Is only one example of this
fact. Similar conditions have always ex
isted in the abuse of opium products, and
the sale of alcohol to irresponsible per
sons has become so much a part of our
vaunted civilization that we find it dif- !
flcult to realize that this drug abuse
dwarfs into insignificance all others com
We hear periodically of the “ether jag."
the “cologne drunk," and the “coke
fiend.” It is the novelty of these habits
that makes them good newarpaper copy.
The actual number of individuals addicted
to these habits is exceedingly small, and
their economic value to the community is
practically nil. Norma!, well balanceu
[ people do rout acquire drug habits of any
! kind, and it is only those of extreme
> mental instability who lake to the moie
unusual practices.
What are the fads about the abuse of
cocaine in this country, and what ought to
be done to eradicate the evil? I'sers of
this drug are not perhaps numerous, but
tlie number has undoubtedly increased
during tlie past five years. It is generally
accepted as a fact that the proportion is
also on tlie increase and the two natural
ly go hand in hand. It is also true that
debased individuals have lately made ef
forts to encourage the use of this drug ,
habit for their own financial benefit, and |
as a result cocaine has become more wide
ly known than ever before.
The proposed federal law is a simple,
sane regulation based upon the internal
revenue system, it provides graded li- i
censes for the. sale of the habit forming
drugs, with a complete supervision of
their distribution. The purchase of a large
amount by one individual would at once
be noticed and his disposal of it followed
up. If his explanation were not satisfac
tory his license could be revoked. It is to
be hoped that Congress will enact this
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Korean apricot pickers were at their
chosen task when a California vigilance
committee dropped around.
“You jes’ mosey outen this,” said the
leader in the customary lingo. “There
ain't no place for you 'round this hyar
camp, an* th' sooner you pull your siaa
ings th’ better—for you.”
Tlie spokesman of the Koreans removed
his cigar box hat.
“We get your meaning,’’ he said in gen
tle tones. “But, pardon me. we thought
all this sort of thing had passed out with
the ’49ers and the sand lots and Bret
The vigilante brought to view an old
and dingy rope.
“Same old rope,” he growled. “Git.”
So the gentle Koreans gat.
From the Chicago Tribune.
I The little boy in one of the forward pews
touched his mother s elbow..
"Mamma,’ he whispered, "what makes
the organist look so cross?”
“ 'Sh, dear,” cautioned the maternal !
parent; “he is playing an organ voluntary
he doesn’t like, perhaps, and one that he
didn’t know he would have to play.”
That held the boy aboupt ten seconds.
Then he touched her elbow again.
“Then, mamma.” he said, “it must be
an organ involuntary he’s playin’.”
From the Chicago News.
A successful politician is usually ma
chine made.
Shedding tears over spilled milk only
adds more water to it.
Jt is easier to put faith in humanity than
it is to keep it there.
Few theatrical stars are brilliant enough
to dispense with the spotlight.
Every time some people try to think
they make- a noise like a boiler shop.
Many a spinster realises that girls are
wise wlto marry while yet in their teens.
Smile and the world smiles with you,
unless you are in a prohibition district.
The pen is mightier than the sword
when It comes to getting a fool man into
real trouble.
We know a persistent salesman who
wonders if !t would be worth while to
show St. Peter the latest card Index sys
This is the open season for young men
who clip all the poisoned ice cream para
graphs from the daily papers and show
Ahem to the dear girls.
Satisfactory Homines*
“General trade seems to be about as
good as It was this time last year,’
said Charles F. I«aden of Chicago.
"Great crops are now assured and it
is generally believed that by the first
or middle of August business will be
booming. It Is an interesting fact that
all the so-called depression growing out
of the tarlfT revision measure, pending
in Congress, has disappeared. Tariff re
vision has been discounted and when
Congress adjourns business will not
only be normal but prosperity will be
as strongly in evidence as it was in
the fall of 1912. Bumper crops will
certainly dispel anything like depres
Prosperous Cullman
"I do not have an opportunity of visit
ing many sections of the state, but re
cently I spent a day in Cullman and
was greatly impressed with the business
activity'of that town," said a citizen.
“Cullman does not grow rapidly, but it 1
grows steadily and substantially. I talked
with many merchant^ there and every
one of them said that business was good.
The streets showed much evidence of traf
fic and farmers by scores were in town
making purchases.
“Cullman county has been backward in
good road building, but having recently
voted a $200,000 bond issue for roads, this
time next year Cullman will have first
class highways, roads that will be pass
able In winter as well as in summer."
Tlie Pig iron Market
Rogers. Brown & Co., in their Cin
cinnati report just issued says:
"The pig iron market during the
week is distinctly more promising.
Sales have totaled greater and the in
quiry current is of good volume. The
bulk of the business is being done
quietly and in that way Is not as no
ticeable as it generally is under the
same conditions, but the withdrawal of
minimum prices which have been ex
isting in the south particularly, has
gi ven the tone which has heretofore
been lacking- and makes the feeling
more secure that the present month
will see an Improvement. Some large
purchases during- the past week or 10
days have steadied the market in the
western territory.
"Shipments of finished steel products
are being made at almost full capacity I
and the material Is reported as being \
consumed promptly. While new busi
ness is slack, it is stated that much
more than half of all the steel that
can be made during the balance of the
year Is called for by contracts now on
the books of the manufacturers.
"The close of the first six months of
the year will show remarkable records
in many directions in connection with
the iron and steel trade and the last
six months are looked forward to hope
fully in spite of the dullness which
has existed recently and the many in
fluences which arc now rife tending to
uncertainty, it is believed that the last
six months will not prove as disap
pointing as many feel at the present
"Coke shows further signs of
strength in the market, and for the
next week or 10 days production will
be materially decreased owing to the
holiday period. Prices on coke are
strong with no indication of anything
but advances and the coke market in
general is at utter variance with the
iron market in all of its phases. Ad
vances on furnace coke have been reg
istered during the past week."
East l<*ke Park
* "The people of Birmingham are for
tunate in having such u well ordered
and beautiful playground and pleasure
resort as East Lake,” said a head of
a household.
"The new management has certainly
brought up the tone of the place, and
now it is attractive to those who wish
to spend the clay or afternoon or even
ing in search of recreation.
"L know that the free acts thus far
shown have been of the very best class,
clean, attractive and highly entertain- j
ing, such as any parent would be
pleased for his children to enjoy.
"I understand that the programme
for tile Fourth carries two free acts
and music and entertainment for chil
dren with the usual night attractions.
There are to be a number of small
picnic parties but no organization will
monopolize the attractive# grounds. I
do not know a more attractive way to
spend the day than to go to East l^ake
with a basket, see the sights and fish
If you like it—most folks do."
St. Bernard College
The catalog of St. Bernard college
for 1913 has just been issued from the
college printing press and bindery, it
contains about 80 pages. It has thick
paper covers and being illustrated by
many pictures it is exceptionally at
The last session was the most pros
perous in the history of St. Bernard.
The student body numbered fully 200—
about double the number that were en
rolled 10 or 12 years ago. The ses
sion of 1913-14 will witness the col
lege in its twenty-second year. The
next term begins September 10 and the
entrance examinations are set for Sep
tember 8 and 9.
The faculty Is headed by the Rt. Rev.
Bernard Menges, O. S.^B., abbot. He
13 president of the college and is in
especial charge of the department of
pastoral theorogy and philosophy. The
Rev. Father Boniface, O. S. .B., comes
next as vice president and director. His
chair is that of Christian evidences,
rhetoric and commercial law. The Very
Rev. Severin, O. S. B., lias the chair of
moral theology, patrology and church
history. The Rev. Father Robert, O.
S. B.t has charge of the department of
third year commercial and music. There
are many other members-of the faculty
and each one of them enjoys the repu
tation of being thoroughly qualified for
In the introductory remarks of the
catalog it is seen that St. Bernard col
lege is a Catholic school of higher
learning conducted by the Benedictine
fathers. It was founded in the year
1892 by the Rt. Rev. Benedict Menges,
O. S. B. It was chartered by an act
of the Alabama legislature, approved
February 4, 1893, thereby receiving all
rights and privileges usually accord
ed to universities and colleges. The
corporate title of the institution is the
“Ben^lictine Society of Alabama.”
St. Bernard is a mile and a half east
of Cullman and is located upon an
elevation which commands th# sur
rounding country and affords a pleas
ing view of the wooded hills which rise
on every side. The whole region Is
noted for the healthfulness of its cli
mate—dry and mild and especially fa
vorable for outdoor life.
Typographically the catalog Is con
sidered the best ever Issued by St. Ber
nard and reflects high credit upon the
Rev. Father Charles. O. S. B.t who is
himself a master printer.
From The Survey.
Though teaching may not he a sweated
industry, a nation wide investigation has
shown that the increased cost of living
and the tendency of teachers' salaries to
remain stationarj' compel many teachers |
to seek supplementary employment in or
der fo make both ends meet. In some
cases it was found that Janitors receive
more than tochers. One woman teacher
wrote that her brother, a plasterer, re
ceives $ti and she $2 a day. In Atlanta it
is reported that the salary of an elevator
boy at the city hall exceeds an estab
lished wage for one of the grades by
nearly $100 a year.
The investigation, which covered over
one year, was made by a committee of the
National Education association. Informa
tion was received from 1735 teachers.
While the comparison of teachers* sal
aries today with teachers’ salaries of a
former period will not be completed be
fore the end of this school year, the com
mittee presents som© interesting informa
tion about the economic, and social condi
tions of teachers in five cities. The av
erage salaries of women grade teachers
are: For Atlanta, $564.83; for Hamilton.
$620.60; for New Haven, $678.48; for Cin
cinnati; $888.03; for Denver, $S93.32.
In this connection it is interesting to
note the figures on teachers’ salaries re
rently compiled by the division of educa
tion of the Russell Sale foundation. Ac
cording to that study thousands of rural
teachers throughout the southern states
receive less than $150 a year. Taking the
country as a whole, the average annual
wage of carpenters is declared to be $802,
of coal miners $000, of factory workers$
$650, of common laborers $513, and of
teachers $485. One southern state rents
its convicts to contractors at a little more
than $400 a year and pays its public school
teachers slightly over $300.
In Atlanta, women grade teachers add
to their salaries from other sources an
average of $31.46 a year; in Hamilton,
$28.74; In New Haven, $45.24; in Cincin
nati, $51.18, and In Denver, $94.40.
While outside employment does not seem
very productive it is extremely varied.
One teacher acts as umpire at football
games, another writes plots for moving
picture shows and a number do dress
making. Others are serving as a book
keeper In a small store, cashier In a de
partment store and as waitresses In sum
mer hotels. One is pastor of a small
church, another is a chauffeur, a third
raises chickens and one “gives expert ad
vice to a manufacturing firm.”
thou.ey ride into the CI.OIDS
From Pow?er.
Next year you will be able to shin up
the glistening flanks of Europe's supeib
est mountain, Mount Blanc. In a trolley
ear. The cableway is to be built in four
sections. 'The first section has a rise of
6.13 meters in a horizontal distance of
about 2 kilometers. The cables arc car
ried on 27 steel towers 10 to 25 njgteis
high. The minimum gradient is 15 per
cent, and the maximum Is 85 per cent.
The second section makes a vertical rise
of 7t;t meters, terminating at the Glacier
des Bossons. This faction has an average
gradient of 03 per cent. The third sec
tion, about 1 kilometer long, terminate*
at the Premiere Aiete and has a mean
gradient of 07 per cent. The fourth sec
tion, terminating the Col du Midi, has
a total rise ot 700 meters, or a maximum
grude of tkt per cent. The cars to run
on the line each carry 2o passengers. The
two supporting cables on each section r re
parallel and about 4 meters apart On
car rises while the other descends, an
endless hauling cable controlling their
movement. The steel carrying and haul
ing cables are 64 millimeters and 32 m‘t
llmc-leis In diameter respectively. Ill#
two'lowest section? ate expected to be
completed -by 1914.
Ed. A. Goetvey In Leslie s.
“Welt." replied the Old Fan, "I'll I' ll
you of one mighty nifty little Job. Durr
lug the latter part of April, in a game
between the Giants and the Quakers,
Christy Mathewson made a world's record
when he pitched an entire nine inning
game, won it and yet threw only 07 ball c
To retire ids opponents after pitching tills
small number of balls means that ho
tossed 7*4-9 balls to the three batsmen
that on an average would face him each
inning. That is at the rate of a fraction
more than two balls to each man. Had he
struck out every baiter he would not Jiavo
made so good a record, because then he
would have had to pitch at ^ast 81 times,
not counting fouls after the first two—
thVee strikes to three men in each of the
nine innings. Matty did better, lie put
the ball where the batter had to hit It,
and except five times It was hit ju t
where the fielders were and caught il.
Christy struck out but four men. And
yet some boohs say lie is all In.”
From the Youngstown Telegram.
That parents should exercise the great
est care in speaking of family secrets in
the presence of little children was proud
by the experience of a North avenue resi
dent recently.
The man in question was visiting a
maiden aurft, who Is extremely stout, and
very sensitive about it.
A 4-year-oid boy, who accompanied Ills
fatheA looked very carefully Rt the ro
tund form of his relative and then In
quired with a lrisudly smile:
“Aunt Myrtle, you don’t have to put
ashes In the bed to keep from slippins
out, do you?”
Then, when the nan held up Ills hards
In consternation, the youngster exclaimed:
“There, papa, she says she doesn’t.”
From the Industrial Index.
One of the largest and handsomest
special numbers dt any newspaper that
has ever come to this office was the
silver anniversary edition of the Bli^
mingham Age-Tlerald. It consisted of
126 pages, which contained a wealth of
Information about Birmingham, written
and arranged In an exceptionally at
tractive manner.
Birmingham, Its achievements, Its
progress and Its opportunities comprise
I one of the great possessions of the
southeast, and The Age-Herald has been
a potent factor in Its advancement.
It Is a worthy Journalistic represen
tative of a great and growing city of
wonderful possibilities.
The Index offers its sincere congrat
From the Christian Science Monitor.
A recent statement to the effect that
English may within a few years become
the language of Japan makes Interesting
some late statistics with regard to the use
of the leading languages of the world.
From these It would appear"that English
Is spoken by 130,000,000 persons, German
by 100,000,000, Russian by 70,000,000, French
by 45,000,000, Spanish by 40,000,000 and
Italian by 30,000,000. For obvious reasons
the use of the Spanish language is grow
ing very rapidly among people of com
imercial countries, especially those of Ger
•xnany, England and the United States.
Sometimes a little breeze goes drifting by
Ami murmurs to my heart a rueful
Of days to come when storms aloft shall
And o’er the land the hosts of winter
Then will these summer scenes be all for
The blazing sun, blue skies and laughter
The drooping rose no more adorn the
Where first she taught her lover's heart
to beat.
The country side, with blooms erstwhile
so gay,
No more will lure the roving honey bee.
And then the rain will sound, a phantom
Upon the pane Its mournful threnody.
“A man recently made the statement to
Dobbwalte that all politicians are not
“Did Dobbwalte seSm skeptical?”
“Well, he asked the man a question that
seemed to imply skepticism.”
“What did he ask?”
“He wanted to know if some astronomer
had discovered a good politician on the
planet Mars.”
The assertion often made that there are
no new jokes is not entirely true, because
there are many inventions being used
nowadays that were undreamed of at the
time when the “seven original jokes” were
supposed to have been born, and many of
these inventions are fruitful sources of
hurpor. For instance, the 999 varieties of
the telephone Joke w^re unknown in an
cient times, simply because there was no
such device as a telephone In those days.
F*or a similar reason, the ramifications of
the automobile Joke have a certain flavor
of modernity, although there are phases
of the automobile joke that might have
been applied to some of the earliest ve
hicles in which man was accustomed to
travel. Speaking of automobile jokes, the
Stanberry, Mo., Owl-Headlight, a paper
with an impressive title, relates that a
citizen of that town returned home late
one night, fell over the baby carriage and
exclaimed angrily, “You run across these
damn little Fords everywhere you go!”
Said Chuggs, “When 1 sing
In the heavenly choir,
1 won t hear the ‘Bing!’
Of a punctured tire."
“Blondes, beware!" exclaims the New
York Telegram, as the Japanese Schoolboy
might say, “In exploding tone of voice."
I'mph! “Beware of blondes!" would be
more to the purpose.
"The high-brow' books some people road
May do quite well,", said Twiller,
"But now' and then I greatly need
The heart throbs of a ‘thriller.’ "
Being shut up In prison doesn't always
deprive a man of his sense of humor, al
though we ran Imagine nothing that
would he more apt to have that effect. The |
editor of "Good Words," published month
ly at the United States pcnitentlury, At
lanta, Is able to make a jest of fate and
poke fun at his own misfortunes. His
number on the prison role Is "4282" and
simply as “Register No. 42S2" tie contrib
utes the following paragraphs J.o the lat
est issue of his paper:
They change the course of life.
But do the best you can under all cir
It is singular, but. circumstances made
us an editor.
A glance at the top of this column
proves this statement, as figures do not
The circumstances making this condi
tion possible were not of our choosing and
were full of anguish; therefore, we will
accept the first opportunity which re
lieves us from these duties.
But as long as the press of circum
stances cause the figures to be our domi
nating description, we will endeavor to
hold the position, as It is the best avo
cation available In our limited surround
We beg to acknowledge receipt of some |
advertising matter telling of the advan
tages of a certain summer resort. Cir
cumstances over which we have no con
trol will prevent us from dividing vaca
tion time this year, as much as we would
like to personally.
This vacation Is rather extended, and
Is not of our planning, and to be perfectly 1
frank about It, we are enjoying It with
just about as much pleasure as the se
rious planners seemed to expect when ar
rangements were being made for It.
While uniformity of opinion Is not to
be expected on most questions, and ex
tremes are always dangerous, and usually
vicious, there Is certainly a uniformity of
opinion here that a more liberal applica
tion of the parole law would not carry
It to extremes, or anywhere near It.
He loved his work, a doleful case,
And love of work so tilled him i
And drove him at so hard a pace.
His work It was that killed him.
From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
ALTHOUGH it may not occupy a po
sition of dignity in the encyclo
pedias, between the Piets and
Franklin Pierce, pie Is of great import
ance in human affairs. t
Here! s a case in point, reported by
a correspondent of the New York Her
“After having been struck by a tram
and having met with all kinds of serious
accidents during the last two years, Hur
nell J. Lynch, 89 years old, died today
on his farm near Middletown, Del., from
the effects of eating huckleberry pie. 'the
ailment was acute indigestion. He would
have been 90 years old in October.
"Two years ago, after celebrating his
eighty-seventh birthday, Mr. Lynch fell
15 feet from.a load of bay and was badly
injured. Soon afterward he was struck
by a train on the Pennsylvania railroad
and was again seriously hurt. Two
months later his horse took fright at a
train and backed him over a steep em
bankment. Once more he was laid up.
These were only a few of his mishaps. He
frequently said he hud a charmed life."
This illustrates the great Importance of
the noble., subtle, elusive art of the per
fect pie maker. calls attention to the
danger that lies in the Ignoble illusory
artisanship of the Jerry builder who makes
a pie crust as tough as a saddle skirt
and tempts a man who partakes of it.
Huckleberries are harmless. So are flour
and ‘'shortening" and the other ingred
ients that enter into the making of pastry.
But the tragedy in Delaware shows that
when a man is outside of a jerry built
pie he is in greater danger than when he
is tumbling off a load of hay, or being
shunted into the adjacent landscape by
a cowcatcher which has scooped him up
upon a grade crossing, or doing somer
saults down a steep embankment with a
horse and wagon following in his wake,
or "laid up" with a malady owing its
origin to something other than la miscon
structed pie.
All men who are civilised eat pie. If
they do not get it at home where it is—
or should be—made according to Hoyle
they get it down town where It is factory
built, probably from the by-products of
glue factories and tanneries. The blun
dering, trusting, male bites as unsuspect
ingly as a tlsh yising to a fly or striking
a lead squid when the bait is well laid.
He sees upon sale cherry pie, peach pie,
cocoanut pie. apple pie, bluberry pie, cus
tard pie, blackberry pie, raspberry pie,
and orders it by label. It matters very
little whether the crust Is crisp insofar
as sales are affected. The pie eating male
may grumble over his run of factory pas
try, and thinks sadly of his boyhood days
in the country, when pies for men were
more Important in the minds of matrons
than votes for women. But he'll gulp
down the pie, regardless of the fact that,
he'd as well—Insofar as his personal
safety is concerned—be walking across the
mouth of the bottomless pit upon a rotten
Anybody can vote, but pie making Is an
accomplishment. There are some women
nowadays who, however Well meaning,
have lost their sense of proportion.
Reforming ttie currency, correcting the
evils of a protective tariff, dissolving the
trusts, are important undertakings, but
you never saw a man who had withstood
I the shock
lightning express train, who had lighted
on hi3 head in a hay field, rebounded and
lighted upon Ids feet unscathed; who had
turned more somersaults down an em
bankment than tile premier acrobat at the >
circus turns over the elephants; who had
survived malignant Illnesses, and yet who
lies down and dies because of the Inflex
ibility of the currency system or the ln
Iqultousness of the Payne-Aldrlch law.
From the St. Louis Times.
The theory has been expressed tn St.
Louis, within the past few days—and by
one w ho should speak with authority—that
young women who find It necessary to
work for a living prefer store and factory
work to domestic service for this good
reason; the woman who works In the
factory or In the store "has hours." be
fore or after which she Is never reminded
of her servitude; whereas the woman who
performs domestic service Is never quite
sure of being done, and whether at work
or play, she is a servant, and is treated
There is ground for curious thought
rroin the mans point of view, women
are making a serious mistake when they
neglect to learn at least the rudiments of
housekeeping, and when they abandon the
opportunities for a home life, in order to
get into one or another of the channels of
industry and commerce. But liava tho
men who hold this 'conclusion taken full
cognizance -if all the factors In the prob
Apparently not. We arc authoritatively
informed that the woman who works as a
servant is made to bear a kind of social
stigma which does not attach to the shop
girl or the factory girl. That is to say,
the latter is "as good as anybody,” when
she has finished her work, while the serv
ant is always "a servant.”
This, indirectly, implies an arraign
ment of woman who works in the store or
the factory is. when all Is said and done,
working for a man-and she is not mads
ashamed of her occupation. The woman
who "goes out to servle” wqrks, almqst
invariably, for a woman—and site is made
to bear the badge of servitude.
The actual work, it seems, is not the
point at issue—but the result of the work,
as it pertains to a social position, is ev
erything. >
From this conclusion there may fairly
arise a doubt as to woman's fitness for
participation in political affairs in a dem
ocratic nation, seeing that in the one form
of employment an.l authority where she is
now supreme, the nicest and most preva
lent of all women's problems has not even
approached Ks solution.
From the Miami (Fla.) Metropolis.
B’or Sale—Genuine antique center tab)*
by a man yho is going away with real
ebony legs. Address L. L. D., car*
James Russel Lowell.
When I was a beggarly boy
And lived ih u cellar damp.
I had not a friend nor a topy, <
But 1 had Aladdin’s lamp;
When I could not sleep fjjv the cold,
I had not a friend nor a toy.
And builded, with roofs of gold,
My beautiful castles In Spain.
Since then 1 have tolled day and night,
I have money and power good store,
But I'd give all my lamps of silver bright
B’or the one that la mine no more;
I Take. Fortune, whatever you choose,
'You gave, and may snatch again; 4
1 have nothing 'twould pain me to lose,
B'or i ow u r.o met e castlca in Spain,

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