tfi. W. BARRETT.Editor
Entered at the Birmingham. Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3. 1879.
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I aee this hath a little dashed your
Progress of Truck Farming
While there is yet much room in,
Alabama for truck farmers there has
been a steady increase in the number
settling in this part of the country
within the past 10 years.
It used to be that a very small per
centage of poultry and vegetables
consumed in Birmingham at this time
of the year was produced in Alabama.
The bulk of supplies handled in this
market were shipped from outside of
the state; but the fact that Alabama
poultry and Alabama vegetables in
the summer season are in larger sup
ply than formerly is encouraging.
In view of Birmingham’s rapid
growth, Jefferson county is a partic
ularly inviting field for the truck
farmer. The soiljiere is unsurpassed.
It will grow all varieties of vegeta
bles. The dairy industry prospers
here and there is no reason why poul
try farming should not become com
mercially profitable on a large scale.
The Birmingham Chamber of Com
merce has( a farm committee and with
a reasonable expenditure of time and
money it can do effective work. Every
truck farm in this county adds to the
wealth of Birmingham. There are
probably 200 or 300 hereabouts now.
There should be a thousand or more.
The suspension of the First-Second
I National bank of Pittsburg Monday
cleared the financial atmosphere of
the iron and steel city and business
in that great industrial center is raov-'
ing along again on normal lines. The
Pittsburg banking situation on the
whole is in an exceptionally strong
The failure of the bank was due
primarily, it is believed, to the large
irrigation ventures which the princi
pal owners of the institution were
backing, As Pittsburg was not seri
ously affected, the financial world at
large, of course^ was not. The Sec
retary of the Treasury, Mr. McAdoo,
points out that a sore spot in the
national banking business has been
removed. And that’s about all there
was to it so far as the public in gen
eral was concerned.
While large capital has been hesi
tating over investments of late busi
ness conditions in this country were
never sounder than they are today.
In many sections there is practically
as much business activity as there was
this time last year and a good deal
more than there was in the summer
Crop prospects being bright there
is a reasonable expectation among
business men that this country's fall
trade will be remarkably active.
English Workman's Insurance
The insurance act is the great
weapon being used against the liberals
in every by-election in England, and
the strange thing about it- is that it is
the very people for whose benefit the
act was passed who are most bitterly
opposed to it.
The need of a scheme of national
insurance was a long felt want in
England, and although many sugges
tions and recommendations had been
offered the task appeared to be too
large to undertake, chiefly owing to
the difficulty of raising the money.
The situation presented a variety of
conflicting interests, and every
apheme submitted was approved as a
whole but condemned in some particu
lar. To overcome these objections it
was decided to make all parties bear
their share in the work and this was
done by making the employer, the em
ploye and the government each con
tribute one-third towards the fund
required to meet the outlay.
Wages in England are much small
er than in America, especially among
i the unskilled laborers on farms and
in factories, and to them the contri
bution of 10 cents a week appears a
hardship. This is the feature against
which the protest is being made at
. present and with some show of justice
H' i i:; ; '
considering that the contributors are
not receiving any immediate benefit.
These men do not understand that
this 10 cents a week entitles them to
$1.75 a week in case of sickness or
enforced idlness due to industrial de
pressions or other economic causes.
In speaking of the act its author,
Lloyd-George, predicts for it, when in
full operation, a reception far more
cordial than at present. The present
opposition is bitter because just now
its good effects are unknown, but
later on will be fully appreciated.
“For the first time in the his
tory of England,” said he, '“the
wolf is driven from the door
of 15,000,000 people and most of the
terrors attending sickness and idle
ness among the industrial masses have^
been swept away.”
The treatment accorded to the act
and its author would be enough to dis
courage most men, but not so the
plucky little Welshman, who grows
more determined in his mission ftvery
Must Have the Auditorium
Birmingham needs a new postoffice
building and it will have it some day.
Ground will probably be broken for
it within the next 12 months. As this
edifice will cost something like $1,000,
000, and as the government always
builds with an eye to artistic beauty
as well as utilitarian service, it can
not be expected to be ready for occu
pancy inside of four years. But so
long as it is known that Birmingham
is to have a new postoffice the public
will wait patiently, for the mail is now
being handled with reasonable satis
faction in the old cramped quarters so
far as the people know.
But Birmingham needs a large au
ditorium and needs it without delay.
There is certainly a more immediate
need for it than there is for a new
postoffice. An auditorium with a
seating capacity of 8000 can be built
for $150,000 and Birmingham must
The city of Birmingham, notwith
standing its poor financial condition,
can well afford to issue 6 per cent
bonds to the extent of $150,000 to pay
for the auditorium. Of the three
commissioners two of them are in
favor of submitting the bond proposi
tion to the people. Commissioner
Lane is opposed to the proposition.
The people should certainly have the
right to vote on the proposition at the
city election to be held on the first
Monday in September. It is hoped
by that time that Judge Lane will
change his mind and agree to submit
the proposition so that the matter will
be unanimous so far as the commis
sion is concerned. There can be no
doubt about the result at the polls. A
large majority will vote for the bond
The Summer White House
President Wilson has had little op
portunity of vacation since he entered
upon the discharge of his high duties
March 4. He has worked with his coat
off, so to speak, ever since he became
President. He has not had even the
pleasure of little week-end trips, such
as most business men take during the
But President Wilson is now at his
summer White House in New Hamp
shire—Cornish Flat. He is sleeping un
der blankets of course, and sitting of
evenings by a wood fire. The little
town of Cbrnish is in the southwestern
county of Sullivan, which borders on
the Vermont line. It is an out of the
way place—far from the madding
Every now and then some statesman
or thoughtful citizen rises to suggest
that the United States government ac
quire mountain property near Wash
ington and there build a summer home
for the President. That idea may not
That Washington is one of the hot
test cities in the world is a fact gen
erally admitted. Everyone who has
been compelled to spend a few days in
Washington during July or August, to
say nothing of a whole summer, will
readily recall the insufferable heat.
Politicians, including members of Con
gress who have been held in Wash
ington from June until September
will recall the torrid, sickening at
mosphere. Washington is always hot
at this time of the year but since the
first of May the average of heat has
been greater even than usual. Mem
bers of the Sixty-third Congress,
therefore, have had a summer experi
ence that they will never forget.
Representative Borland in a recent
interview suggested that the govern
ment purchase several hundred acres
in the foothills of the Blue Ridge in
Virginia and there erect a commodious
capitol for Congress to use when that
body is in extra session in the summer
season. On the same property could be
erected a suitable summer home for
the President. Such ideas are at least
diverting in the dog days but the gov
ernment will never act on Congress
man Borland's proposition, entirely
reasonable though it seems.
W#n it comes to the summer White
House is it not better after all to have
the President rent a modest house in
an isolated quarter and slip off to his
temporary retreat whenever he can
get away from Washington?
The so-called summer White House
is quite a modern institution. Mr. \
Cleveland was the first who had an of
ficial establishment in the summer
away from Washington. He leased
Gray Gables at Buzzard’s Bay, Mass.,
and during his second administration
spent his summers there. President
McKinley did not maintain a summer
White House but was content to spend
his vacation in travel or in his home
town of Canton, O. Mr. Roosevelt
while President spent a portion of
each summer at his home at Oyster
Bay But he secured a lonely retreat in
Albemarle county, Virginia—many
miles from a railroad, where he hid
himself away for two or three days at
a time and indulged his bent for revel
ing in nature and shooting wild game.
President Taft had a summer home
at Beverly, Mass. Few people outside
of New England knew much about
Beverly until a President of the
United States put it on the map. It is
the same way, or even more so, with
regard to Cornish. What high school
boy or girl even knew where Cornish
was? We all begin to know about it
now. The air in Sullivan county, New
Hampshire, is doubtless bracing and
the American people will follow Presi
dent Wilson to his summer retreat
from time to time with kindly senti
ment and all good wishes.
A German novelist has written a book
in which he describes a tunnel under the
sea, connecting this country with Europe,
the trip being made in 24 hours. His Ac
tion may become fact in the future, but
the Imperator will not be abandoned tor
a long time yet.
A correspondent wishes to know how
woman woull conduct herself if she were
steering the ship of state. She would prob
ably keep one hand on the tiller and use
the other to fix her back hair.
The man who hurries away from his
office to see a baseball game and hurries
from the ball game to sprinkle the lawn
at home doesn’t have much time to waste
In the afternoon.
A Chicago firm offers J26 as a bonus to
any of its employes who get married. Not
much of an Inducement, but when a fellow
lias found the right girl he doesn't need
Miss Jane Addam3 says women should
not try to hold office for the present. If
she Isn't careful some of the more militant
sisters will accuse her of being a reac
The prospective Wilson son-in-law may
not be strikingly handsome, but that
won’t worry the head of the family any.
He doesn't travel on his looks, eithdr.
Broker Lamar Is called “protean" by
the brilliant head writers of this and other
newspapers, but to the plain people ho
will continue to be a "slick duck.”
The dainty toilet articles that are by
products of Packingtowu illustrate anew
the old saying about the rose that springs
from a muck heap.
If Tammany "framed up" that breach
of promise suit against Governor Sulzer,
Tammany is in the last ditch and lighting
hard for life.
A few novels sell well without a pretty
girl on the cover, but the pretty girl brand
of fiction is unquestionably in greatest
The “close observer” who says Ameri
cans don't marry enough, should train
his glasses on us again and get the proper
Lady Sackville may have other troubles,
but the money seems to be coming her
Anybody can get Into the newspapers
nowadays who is willing to give out an in
terview on the “modern dance mania.”
Chaperons on bathing beaches are not
half so useful In an emergency as a pro
fessional life saver.
Dogs may bo man's best friends, but
buzz fans are a close second in the good
old summer time.
People who make a practice of sleeping
on tlie fire escape are liable to have cor
Some of the smoothest politicians in this
country have the loughesjt exteriors.
Congress was not at all backward in giv
ing itself a thorough airing.
WALKS WITH BROKEN NECK
New- Rochelle Correspondence New York
Waldorf Miller, who broke his neck div
ing from the rocks at Hudson park two
years ago today, put his crutches under
his arm this afternoon with the Intention
of walking to the place of his accident
from his home on Clinton avenue, a dis
tance of two miles. He hobbled along for
a quarter of a mile and then had to give
up the attempt. But he got there, any
way, for a friend, who was passing in a
machine, drove him the remaining dls-*
Fred Miller, Waldorf’s brother, broke
his neck in the same manner at the same
spot five years ago and died. When Wal
dorf was fished out of the water two years
agu the doctors said that he could live
only a few hours. Since then he has Im
It was a year before he could stand.
Fifty feet Is the most he had walked be
OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES.
From the Pictorial Review.
Millard had two goats, a large one.
Billy, and a joung one he called Boy. His
father ordered a goat wagon for him.
After examining the wagon Millard
thought It didn't (suit as to sise. *
"Papa, I can’t use It," he said, decid
edly. "Billy wouldn't wait for It and Boy
couldn't kesp up with It."
Helen, aged 7, was showing a visitor
how fast she could run, when she sud
denly stopped and said: "But I can't
show my host running uiuess something is
happening back of me."
Billy, aged 5, had often heai-d his par
ents talk Of the time required to dlge.it
certain articles of liod. One night, wish
ing to defer his bedtime, he asked.
“Mother, may I sit. up half an hour longer
to decide my supper?"
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
BuMluens Better Than I.aat Year.
“The Drennen fcotrrpany's business has
been very active all this year, and it is
exceptionally brisk right now,” said Felix
“We always have a good summer trade,
but I do not recall any summer when our
sales were so large as they are now. Our
business is 50 per cent better than it was
this time last year.”
■’raise* Hirmluitham Coacera
"The editor of The Furniture Worker of
Cincinnati, after a southern trip, Included
a local factory in the south's Ideal plants,"
aald a representative of a well known ad
"Under the head of ‘A New Way To Do
Social Settlement Work,' The Furniture
Worker says: 'Too much cannot be said
of the Perfection Mattress and Spring
company's established reputation, for In
tegrity and kindly consideration for em
ployes. Every female employe Is given an
entire day off In each week, and on Satur
day tile pay envelope contains just the
same amount as if the employe had been
on duty six days In the week. Most o"
these employes draw salaries ranging from
$15 to $18 per week; particularly Is this
true In the sewing room, and a daylight
room It is. flooded with the sunlight and
well ventilated—there is no sweatshot
" ‘This company does not do so much
talking about conditions and bettering tile
home environments, but pays employes
such remunerative salaries as they can
use to advantage In Improving their
homes, and as a result the Perfection com
pany at all times receives the best service.
Theirs is surely the most practical, help
ful way to do social settlement work, for
"an ounce of practice is worth tons of
preachment." This plant is located In the
live, progressive town of Birmingham.’ "
Regarding Bachelor Taxation.
"There is some agitation just at this sea
son of the year in favor of taxing all
'male persons' who are more than 21 years
of age and who have not yet acquired a
mate," said a young bachelor. "It Is pro
posed to use the revenue derived from
such a tax in supplying babies with milk
"The proposition of supplying the poor
with Ice and milk is a very laudable one,
and one that should be encouraged. But
it seems to me that a better plan for
securing the money might be found. A
great majority of American bachelors are
not such from choice, in my opinion, but
granting for the sake of argument that
they are, is that any reason why they
should be taxed? If a man Is not fortunate
enough to And a girl whom he can love,
whs* should tie have to pay for not having
"I am decidedly In favor of being taxed
to a year if the money is to be used to
reduce the mortality rate among babies,
but I think the tax should be called a
'babies’ tax’ or by some qther term than
•bachelors’ tax.' ”
A Huge Blackflsh
D. A. Stubblefield of the Florence hotel
received a blackflsh Monday weighing 23
pounds fliat had been caught about a mile
from Coden. The fish was captured by
C. B. Enochs of Channon, Miss., and H.
M. Burt of Birmingham. This Is the larg
est blackflsh ever caught in those waters
and weighs three pounds more than its
nearest competitor for primal honors, the
last mentioned having been caught at that
point about a year ago.
Mr. Burt sent a letter along with his
trophy and graphically described the land
ing of the splendid specimen of the finny
tribe. It seems that Mr. Burt and his
wife, accompanied by Miss Ethel Cross
of this city and Mr. Enochs, started on
their fishing trip in an electric launch. A
rowboat was carried in tow.
Mr. Burt said In his letter: "Mr. Enochs
and myself got In the rowboat and cast
our lines. The lines had been in the water
but a short while when I felt a sharp tug
at my hook, and for the next half hour life
was made miserable for both of us. Our
boat was towed more than a mile away
from the launch. The ladies declared
that It was a grand sight, but I never
want to go through the same experience
again. This is the largest fish caught here
In more than a year and the largest black
fish ever caught at this place. The largest
blackflsh having been caught In these
waters 'prior to this one weighed 20
The fish was shipped by express, and is
large enough to supply 10 people with a
good dinner. Mr, Hearst, chief clerk of
the "Florence hotel, says that the most re
markable thing about the catch was the
fact that neither of the active partici
pants had ever before caught a fish weigh
ing more than three pounds.
Mr. Burt was careful to give Mr. Enochs
due credit for his part in landing the big
fish, and wrote: "He deserves fully as
much praise as I do, for it took both of
us to catch the big fellow. And we did
not have time to hold ‘pink tea’ conversa
Bsslstnlt the South
“Texas is one of the most prosperous
states of the union—probably second to
none, all things considered,” said W.
\V. Duncan of Chicago. "The whole
south, as a section, is remarkably
prosperous, for that mattfr.
“I was In Texas recently, and in
every town there, large and small, were
evidences'ef great business thrift.
"Alabama is a notably prosperous
state now. Ten years ago, when I
was first In this part of the country,
Alabama seemed to be coming ahead.
Of course, the Birmingham district was
in the spotlight then as It is now, but
agriculturally, Alabama was not at
tracting much attention. This state is
known today, however, as a great' ag
ricultural state. Its cotton production
has Increased ^steadily, and in corn
and other farm products it is making
a record. There is probably no state
that has the varied resources of Ala
bama. This Is sure to be an excep
tionally rich state.”
In the Musical—World.
“The most Important acquisition the
Boston Symphony orchestra has made
for the coming season Is that of a
first harpist, who will succeed Heln
nlck Schuecker, whose tragic death last
spring deprived the orchestra of ony
of Its most valued members,” said a
"The new harpist Is Alfred Holy of
Vienna. Mr. Holy Is generally regarded
as the foremost harpist of Europe.
For the past several years he has been
first harpist in the Imperial opera df
Vienna and in the Vienna Philhar
monle. Curiously enough, It was Dr.
Muck who? discovered him. When Dr.
Muck was first conductor of the Ger
man opera In Prague, on the eve of
an Important production of a Wagner
opera his first harpist was taken 111.
and not having time to send to Vienna
for one, it seemed as If the perform
ance would have to be postponed. One
of his friends, an officer in. one of
the Bohemian regiments, stationed
there, told him that there was a young
man serving in the band of the reg
iment who was a very good harpist.
Dr. Muck had the young man, who
was Holy, come to him and play for
him, and was so impressed with his
remarkable talent that he engaged him
on the spot. When Dr. Muck went to
Berlin he took Holy with him, where
the latter stayed for several years un
til Gustav Mahler went to Vienna.
Mahler made Holy an unprecedented
offer to go to the Vienna opera with
him, and there the distinguished
harpist has since been.
"It is rather interesting to know
that since the death of Mr. Schuecker
the management of the Boston Sym
phony orchestra has had over 200 ap
plications for the place, applications
coming from as far west as San Fran
cisco, and as fwr east us Bucharest.
Applications were received from Rome
and St. Petersburg."
TO KEEP HOUSE COOL
From the Baltimore Sun.
Just how much can be done toward
keeping the summer temperature down In
doors even the industrious housekeeper
doesn't realise until she tries It.
The first real secret of having a low
temperature in the house lies in capturing
all the cool air the house will hold at the
time the air is coolest and-then keeping
out the warmer air when the temperature
rises. Complete and sensible ventilation
by which the air Inside is kept moving
finishes the list of primary considerations.
A oarefui survey of the temperature fig
ures will show that there is an early hour
each day. Just before the sun begins to
heat things up, and when the "dawn
breezes" bring a breath of freshness and
legs humid air even after the hottest sum
mer night, that is one of the coolest of
Even at the cost of a little inconvenience
and the loss of a bit of sleep the house
wife who really wants a cool house arises
at this dawn hour and makes sure that
every window In the house from celfar to
attic is wide open. Curtains are pulled
back the better to admit the cooler air.
Outside doors should be thrown F^e.
By the time the regular getting up hour
arrives the house will be thoroughly aired
and filled with the coolest air Qf the day.
The next move, then, Is to close windows
and doors and keep this cool atmosphere
in, and more especially keep the outer
over heated air out.
Not only windows but the shutters
should be closed, and the Inner blinds
should likewise be drawn. Every bit of
hot light should be excluded. In those
rooms which must be used and cannot be
cloeely shut up care should be taken that
only those windows on which the sun is
not shining are open.
The question of ventilation is one that
every housewife must solve for herself,
because no two houses are exactly alike.
The best general suggestion is that all
doors inside the house be kept open. Each
door tends to start a circulation of air.
A window raised, say six inches, in the
third floor room not facing the sun's rays
and an open cellar window will, In most
cases, establish enough of an air current
to keep the house from getting "stuffy”
and at the same time will not let in
enough heat to affect the temperature.
MOCKS FOR WOMEN
Poughkeepsie Correspondence New York
Miss Cora Coutant, 18 years old, one of
the prettiest and most popular girls In
Highland, just across the river, an
nounces, after a critical examination of
the question and a personal test, that
women should wear socks. Miss Coutant
confesses that site wears 'em, and she is
trying to make the half hose doctrine pop
ular in the village. None of the other
girls in the village will admit that they
have given a practical test to Miss Cou
Miss Coutant, who is employed as book
keeper in a highland clothing store, lias
been wearing half hose ever since the hot
weather arrived. She says that for com
fort there's nothing like half hose on a
hot day. The Idea was first suggested to
her by a friend. Miss Coutant immediate
ly purchased a pair of men’s light blue
silk Bocks and began the trial. So pleased
was she that she has stuck to the half
hose Idea as being most comfortable and
“Why shouldn't women wear half
hose?” asked Miss Coutant. "They are
mast pious and harmless compared to the
transparent, clinging gowns that are so
popular. It’s just comfort, that's ail. and
nobody but the wearer need know about
the harmless little footgear.
•a wear the silk ones of light shade be
cause they are even cooler and more
dainty. I prefer light green, lavender and
the tints. In time. I think, women will
dress much the same as the men, anyway.
So why not Bocks now?”
A DOIB1.E ADVANTAGE
From tha Youngstown Telegram. ,
In one of the films of the Lyman Howe
Travel Festival at tne Grand Monday
evening he gave the effect of a swiftly
moving train, with the audience as pas
As the train whirled throu^i picturesque
valleys and along steep mountain side, a
young woman in one of the front rows ob
served to her escort:
"I'd rather travel like this, because there
is little danger of train sickness.”
"Yes,” replied the escort, “and be
sides, one does not have to tip the por
By Helen Hunt Jackson.
Like a blind spinner In the sun, -
I tread my days; .
I know that all tho threads will run
I know each day wllPbrlng its task.
And, being blind, no more I ask.
I do not know the name or use
Of that I spin;
I only know that some one came
And laid within
My hand the thread, and said, "Since you
Are blind, but one thing you can do."
Sometimes the threads so rough and fast
And tangled fly,
I know w ild storms are sweeping past.
And fear that I
Shall fail; but dare not try to And
A safer place, since I am blind.
I know not why, but I am sure
That tint and place
In some gerat fabric to endure
Past time and race
My threads will hove; so from the iirst.
Though blind. I never felt accurst.
I think, perhaps, this trust lias sprung
From one short w ord
Said over me when I was young—
So young, I heard
It; knowing not that God’s name signed
My brow, and sealed me bis, though blind.
But whether this be seal or sign
It matters not. The bond divine
I never doubt.
I know' he set me hepe, and still.
Am glad, and blind, I welt his will;
But listen, llrten, day by day.
To hear their tread
Who bear the finished web away.
And cut the thread.
And bring God's message in the sun,
"Thou poor, blind tpinner, work is done,"
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
A FALSE alarm.
“it Is absurd for Blxby to have such a
loud horn on that little automobile of
"Yes. He makes pedestrians think
something is cording and then disappoints
ONE FORM OF PRIDE.
"What sort of fellow Is Bronson?”
"He's the sort of fellow who would
rather stay away from Europe all his life
than not go across in the biggest boat."
A WASTE OF ENERGY.
"Buzzby is always talking."
"Well, he doesn’t say anything to harm
"I know it, but what's the use of cease
lessly agitating the atmosphere when it
doesn't make anybody any cooler?”
A LAME LIMERICK.
A man by the name ol O’Toole
Had little to say. as a rule,
But his talk left a streak
That was blue for a week
When he had a set-to with his mule,
STILL. IT'S A GOOD MOTTO.
The Golden Rule does very well
When hung upon the ,wall,
But oftentimes, the truth to tell.
It doesn't work at all.
TOO BUSY TO BOTHER.
I should not be concerned a bit
If Cobb ne’er made another hit.
My heart would not be very sore
If Bernhardt said "Farewell!" no more.
My tears would not well up and flow
If peace should reign in Mexico.
I’d still turn in my daily stint
If the Balkan states kept out of print.
TO HOPE FOR THE BEST.
Don't hurt a fellow to hope for the best.
No matter what fortune is brlngin';
To get what ho can and trust God for the
And go on his pathway a-slnging.
Don’t hurt a fellow to hope for the best
When thorns to the roses are dingin';
The dark will bring daybreak, and over
The bells of the morning are ringing.
Don't hurt a fellow to hope for the best,
For roses ground him are springing
The storm beats the bird to the rest of
But it sweetens the world with its sing
—Frank L. Stanton, in the Atlanta Con
THE CHAMPION WORRIER.
According to a Missouri editor a man tn
that state is worrying himself to death
over what becomes of the wind when it
doesn’t blow. If he’s that sort of person
he might last a little while longer by wor
rying over a Japanese invasion of the
Perhaps I'm old-fashioned
And overly shy.
And w Ith women my speech
May be dreary and dry;
But when married or single
Girls call upon us
Eugenics is something
I never discuss.
—Detroit Free Press.
Perhaps I’m old-fashioned
And shouldn't be so;
Perhaps I belong to the past—
I don't know.
But, honest, I find "v
I'm unable to blurt
To a strange woman; “Madam,
You're losing your skirt.''
It may be I'm backward
And quite out of date,
But when I’m out walking
And run across Kate,
And see what's she wearing,
I'm forced to admit
I’m not very strong for
The skirt with a slit.
I gfuess I’m old-fashioned—
Perhaps L'm a chump;
But when hooks In a bodice
Have taken a slump,
And a dazzle-white acre
Of back, It Is bared,
I simply can't murmur,
"Your placket Is flared.”
Perhaps I’m old-fashioned
And queer In my ways,
It may be my manney
Don't jibe with these days,
But I hate to suggest,
With a prefacing cough,
"Pray pardon me, ma'am,
But your hair's coming oft."
ON THE OTHER HAND.*
Some love to blow 'bout a "bungalow,"
And a “little wife"—but, gee!
A life outdoors, with no home "chores,"
And a rod and gun for me!
♦From a confirmed Old Bach.
Some love to blow ‘bout a bungalow,
As many a mortal can,
But I'd rather die than try to buy
One oil the Installment plan.
ALL FOR SHOW.
A lady of quality, pampered, luxurious.
Who dazzles the eyes of the openly cu
If It’s only a block, or a half, that she's
Will call for her motor, her manner of
Must keep up appearances, e'en for her
Though a bit of a walk would be good toe
her health's sake.
ONE THING IN HIS S’AVOR.
The modern father may likve his fault*,
but you hardly ever hear him boasting
about his daughter's ability to dance the
tango, PAUL COOK,
TRUTH ABOUT R. CRUSOE
From the Kansas City Star.
W people go t» Robinson Crusoe *
island nowadays—350 miles out tn
the Pacific It stands with tall peaks
pointing toward tho skies, and the tiail
ing smoke of steamers is almost as rare a
sight as the white flush of sails in earlier
days. Among its craggy cliffs wild goats
still leap with unbelievable abandon and
surefooted recklessness, and a few men
of various creeds and colors, tossed up
from sundry portions of the earth, lead
uneventful lives, fishing and farming. A
few years ago there was a report that the
island had sunk Into the Pacific in conse
quence of an earthquake, and so far is
Juan Fernandez from the beaten path
that It was months before anyone took
the trouble to find out the story was not
♦low. just as this island of romance is
real, there was a real Robinson Crusoe
who lived there by himself—not eight and
twenty yoacs, as th#s story has it, but
four years and four mouths. His name
was Alexander Selkirk, and lie was :i
Scotchman and a mariner and a bit of a
pirate aB well. Leaving home at 19. lo
cruised the Spatnlsh Main and struck ac
quaintance with William Damplcr, a buc
caneer of note, on one of whose ships
he Shipped is sailing master in 1703.
Now Selkirk was ft turbulent and will
ful man. and the captain of his vessel, a
man named Stradling, galled lilm bitter
ly. Just wliat the causes of that long
forgotten quarrel may have been, nobody
knows, but the story goes that when the
Cinque Ports touched at the Island of
Juan Fernandez, Selkirk went to Stradling
and said that he would rather go ashore
and await for the slender chance of being
picked up by some straggling English ves
sel than continue further. Stradling
agreed .with the greatest willingness. Two
members of the Cir que Ports’ crew had
spent six months upi n the Island, and had
found living easy enough; their story
doubtless Influenced the Scotchman. And
It may be, too, as other tellers of the tale
aver, that it was "Hobson's choice"—Sel
kirk could either be marooned or put to
At an9 rate, lie was put asnvre,
the boat pulled away a horror of loneli
ness overcame him and he begged to be
taken back. They laughed at him and
pulled out through the surf. Selkirk might
change his rnlnd; Stradling did not.
And then began eight months of deep
dlBmay, when me'ancnoly surged upon
him like a tide; when the black clouds
lightened only to grow more dark, and
memories’ of small, forgotten things came
floating backet he breath of heather fresh
ened by soft rains, the laughter of girls
In the dusk, the tolling of old church bells
—these things clutched him by the throat
and brought tears to his eyes that had
looked unmoved on slaughter and rapine.
There Is a tall, tall peak, still pointed
out to the Infrequent traveler, where Sel
kirk used to climb and sit long hours
looking out to sea, peering Into the gray
green distance for a sail. Sometimes he
saw one, far, far out to sea, watched it
draw nearer, saw It fade away. Twice
there came Spanish ships to Juan Fernan
dez, and both times Selkirk fled rather
than trust himself to the rash mercy of
the Dons—better to die here alone than
In the mines.
He had some bedding with him and a
knife, a hatchet, a firelock, some powder—
it was gone In a few weeks—a hatchet and'
a Bible. And the island was alive with
goats. These he shot at first; after his
powder was gone he depended upon run
ning them down, and he told his res
cuers how once he fell with a goat
through a fringe of bushes from a cliff,
'and revived at last, stunned and faint, the
i goat lying dead under him. And for a day
and a night li* could not move; then made
his way miserably, slowly, bach to the
hut o£ bark that hu had made and lay Lea
days, not taring greatly If he It red or
There were fish. too. and giant crawfish
of the size of lobsters, and In lteu qf ~ait
he had peppery :ind pimentos thut grow
wild upon the island. There was a turnip
patch, too. that Sampler's pirates had
planted five years before and that now
Bprawled over sevoraj acres.
At first he v.as much plagued by rats
that had come ashore from ships touching
there; these had bred In great numbers
and gnawed at his feet and clothes as ne
slept, so that in self defense lie was
obliged to make friends of ttfe cats, also
brought there by ships, and In a little
while, by feeding them with goat meat,
accustomed them to staying In his house.
Scores of them would lie on the ground
about him, licking themselves lazily afnl
blinking In the sun. There were some
young goats, too, that ho had tamed, and
he sang and danced with them and with
And so, being young and stout of heart
lie was not yet 30 when he came to Juan
Fei nandez—ho existed comfortably
enciigh, and found considerable peace of
mind at last. Much tlm», he tells us, he
spent singing psalms and reading hjs Bi
ble, "so that he said he was a better
Christian In this solitude than ever he whs
before, or than, he was afraid, he should
ever be again."
When Ills clothes wore out he made him
self clothing of goat skin, and when his
shoes were gone his feet became so har
dened that he did not mind the loss; in
deed, ho found It irksome to- wear siloes
again when he was finally rescued.
Selkirk had bean four years and four
months upon the island when an English
ship, under command of a Capt. WoodCs
Rogers, finally put in for water. The fire
Selkirk built to attract the mariners' at
tention,- almost frightened them away;
seeing on Spanish ships, however, they
at last came ashore, and found a hairy,
skinclad man who rushed to meet them,
held them In hla arms and spoke In curi
ous, half sentences that they could hardly
understand at all. It had been so long'
since he had heard the sound of another
human voles than his own that he had
almost forgotten bow to talk. And when
they offered thlB onetime pirate a dram of
grog, he would not touch It—he -flad lost
all taste for liquor.
Rogers took him back to Scotland, but
after a short visit to his town of I-argo,
Selklrk^wsnt l k to the sea, where ha
died in 1723 aboaid his majesty’s ship
Weymouth, bequeathing Ms small proper
ties to “sundry loving female friends."
From the Chicago News.
Not every Ideal lover makes a good hus
Luck may be merely a case of not be
ing found oiit.
But there Is little marrow in the bone of
It takes a clever child to keep from say
ing smart things.
Two Is company, but three Is a multi
tude when father butts in.
Perhaps whisky reallv does Improve
with age—when it gets the chance.
Would you try to flatter a married man
by telling him that he doesn't took It?
There would be more popular aongs If
some people wouldn’t try (to skig them.
After dreaming they were soul mates an
Ohio conple got married. May they never
More komen might lie able to save
money if the dry goods stores would cease
having bargain sales. ■&. • .-v
If marriages are made in heaven we re
fuse to hasard a guesd ae to the place
where divorces are manufactured.
An ordinary piano contains about a mile
of wire. American genius will yet benefit
humanity oy Inventing a wireless piano
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