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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, August 31, 1913, EDITORIAL SECTION, Image 34

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn85038485/1913-08-31/ed-1/seq-34/

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-— — —-- - - — ■ ■■ - "
It’s precious hard when
she’s EIGHTEEN to tell
whether she’s a PEACH or
I There’s many a Slip be
When the WOman's Standard Is Tanhauser and Mans Standard Is Anheuser
"■ ■■■■ ■ _ • .
A ‘‘certain man" whom we will call
"Mr. Nameless.” because his wife doesn't
like the family to appear in any part of
the paper except the "society column,”
has led a very dreary existence ever since
his marriage.
How do I know?
And I'll tell you.
The only diversions that have been per
mitted him since he signed away his
•'bachelbr privlleftes" of making up his
own mind, have been musical concerts
and Shakespearean drama, the two of
which are only occasionally presented in
He did have the pleasure of going to
Brand opera in a certain neighboring city,
but even so, the only thing he was In
terested In was the flirtatious little Span
ish prlma donna. Mademoiselle Bori, and
on the occasions when she sang his wife
asked him to let her use his ticket for
those performances for a maiden aunt
vrho lived In that city and waited to go.
Even then he was cut off from the only
pleasure that grand opera might have af
forded him.
Of course, he had to go to all the
others—"Cyrano," ‘•Giaconda,” "Aida"
and "Tanhauser.1’ all of which bored him
to a frazzle.
He became, under his “wife's uplifting
influence," ashamed of himself, because
his tastes had . run so low, but at the
same time he couldn't help pitying her,
'because she didn't feel a thrill when
George Cohan danced about the stage on
his ear and Gertrude Hoffman “Salomed"
about clad in sunshine and climate.
He even felt sorry, that although the
'uplifting influence'' he was married to,
had tried to cultivate and elevate his
taste, he :*1ll remembered with keen de
light how fascinated he had been when
l.ew Doekstader “called the hoops” to
him, and Honey Boy Evans monologued
until he nearly split his sides laughing at
his antics.
lie still secreted!)- adored the posters of
the burlesque shows at the 10, 20. 30 cent
places, and he lovell "Meller-Drammer,"
where “gun play" was the chief attrac
Me regarde* Shakespeare as a jmst is
sue, to be kept on the top shelf of the
bookcase, out of the dust and the high
faintin' musicians as apropos only to Bos
ton and towns of like culture.
Of course this was all before he was
Everybody knows that a “change" does
a person a lot of good and in due course
of time the "uplifting influences" and
her “highbrow" sister (who lived with
them because hubby couldn't help him
self) went away for a few weeks' rest.
"Hubby" for a couple of nights read and
carried out his daily routine, because he'd
grown so used to it that he didn't know
When er MAN Has er!
Birth-day he teks er DAY
off, but when er ’OMAN has
a Birth-day she teks er
YEAR off. Yassum!
what else to do, but suddenly one even
ing after he'd been pouring over "Some
body or Other" on the "Companionship of
Books," decided that a "change'' might
do him good also.
The "fall from grace" was so sudden
that he had even forgotten what time the
theatres opened, but' he ' got a move"
on him and got there just in time to get
1 seat in the "bald headed row."
The next morning he wired the "uplift
ing influence'' that she needn't hurry
back, as it was beastly hot and he was
sure the rest would do her good.
The subtle undertow of happiness In
tlie "lettergram'' awakened the suspicions
if the ' uplifting influence," and her
high brow" sister, and in consequence
lie board bill at the hostelry was paid,
;he trunks packed and the Pullman reser
vations made for the next train.
When the train arrived "hubby'' was
rot at home—the hour being about 9:30
l. m.
The ' uplifting influence’’ and the "high
brow" sister crawled back into the taxi,
as they couldn't get In the house, and
started out to look for him.
"Of course he’s at Mr. So-and-So's
(mentioning one of the most erudite
scholars in town) spending the evening
with him in his wonderful library, reading
some improving book or scientific essay,
suggested the "lvigh brow” sister.
He was not there.
"Of course, there was nothing at the
theatres except light musical comedy at
this season and he nad no taste for such
things," commented the "uplifting in
The taxi sped on—and Anally they said
they'd go home.
Close onto the "witching hour," as
they turned in the direction of home, they
saw great crowds of people coming out
of one of the popdlar show places, over
the door of which read:
And In the crowd .whA should they spy *
but “hubby?”
Gay and light of heart, debonair and
youthful as a debutante, be sauntered
forth, only to be met at the curb, by the
two unexpected arrivals—the “uplifting
influence” and the “high brow” sister.
They dragged him home and later when
the “uplifting Influence” was ransacking
his coat pockets she hauled out checks
from the different theatres and pro
grammes bearing such titles as “Nellie,
the Beautiful Cloak Model,” “Dora
Thorne,” “Married in Haste, Repented
at Leisure," and many other similar ti
tles. t
Since then poor “hubby” is being “dis
ciplined, •• all over again.
The moral of this little “Fable
ette" is—
“When the woman’s standard is Tan
hauser, and the man’s standard is An*
beuser, it’s mighty hard to reach a happy
By Marali Ellis Ryan. Illustrated. A. C.
McClurg & Co., publishers, Chicago.
When Marah Ellis Ryan’s beautiful
story, "Told In the Hills,’’ was published
many years ago, the literal world saw
then a writer of talent—young, ambitious
and enthusiastic.
Following her career up to the present
moment, when she has presented her
latest book, "The Woman of the Twi
light," it may be safely said that she
has broadened her scope, her power, and
learned much from the busy world, culled
here and there a helpful hint and con
cent r&ted it all in the writing of this
Wonderful story.
The theme chosen Is not unfamiliar—
that of the man and the woman defying
the conventionalities and seeking happi
ness outside the beaten path.
.The story is written with a fascination
that is compelling in the extreme, taking
character by character and infesting each
with a rare Insight into human nature—
given only to the elect as It were.
The scene Is laid near Lugans, in the
old San Juan Mission, and the heroine of
the story is introduced in a most spec
tacular manner, a wild ride across the
country, ending with the fording of a
flooded river, being the accessories.
The environment is changed when the
New England coast is made, the scene
of the liext portion of the story which
creates a totally different atmosphere
Monica Wayne, the heroine, Is a pecu
liar character in many ways, very appeal
ing in her earnestness, her firm convic
tions and her flaming indignation against
certain unjusk laws (as she thinks;, pre
pares the way for the denouement of the
story In a way that wins the sympathy
of many readers-those who are not tob
strict in their ideas of conventionalities.
Monica and her lover. .Sargent, arc in
tense characters, as well as several of the
minor characters which the author lias
'delineated very skillfully, particularly
Nell Mitford.
"The Woman of the Twilight" is a very
clever and readable book and will no
doubt be reckoned among the "best sell
ers” of the year.
By Zane Grey, illustrated. Harper Broth
ers, publishers, New York.
For the first time the tense spirit of
that fighting ground on the wild border
land of the Arizona-Mexico frontier lias
Them With The (Rhine Prescription
This prescription for the removal of
freckles was written by a prominent
physician and is usually so successful
in rlfmovlng freckles and giving a clear,
beautiful complexion that it is sold by
your druggiHt under an absolute guar
antee to refund tlie money if it fails.
Don’t hide your freckles under a veil;
get ari ounce of othine and remove
them. Even the first few applications
should show a wonderful improvement.
Some of the lighter freckles vanishing
Be sure to ask the druggist for the
double strength othine; it i« his that
(old on the money-back guarantee.
been painted in the slowing words of a
moving romance.
A face haunted Cameron—a woman's
face. It was there In the white heart of
the dying camp-tire: It was living in the
shadows that hovered over the flickering
light: tt drifted in the darkness beyond.''
As you see, romance glows In this head
long adventure on the Arizona-Mexico
frontier. Some splendid horses, too. Most
of the papers say It's better even than
Zane Grey's "Riders of the Purple Sage'
or "The Heritage of the Desert."
In any event- "Desert Gold is one of
the most entertaining and delightful books
that lias been published this season and
tt should not be missed by anyone who
loves a story thrilling and dashing from
start to finish.
"MB. IN’gy.ESIDE.”
By E. V. Lucas. Tin* Macmillan Com
ically, publishers, New York.
As a writer of fiction E. V. Lucas stands
fully revealed.
He is an intellectual and amusing ob
server of life's foibles and he jots down
his impressions in a very clever manner.
In "Mr. Ingleside" he has written a
story of high excellence. Individual and
entertaining. With Its quiet calm reflec
tion, Its humorous Interpretation of life
and its delightful situations and scenes
it reminds one of the literary excursions
and charms of the leaders of the eaTly
Victorian era.
By Marie Van Vorst. Illustrated with si::
pictures In color. Bv Howard Chandler
Christy. The Bohbs, Merrill Company.
publishers. Indianapolis.
Mingling the tender feeling of a French
idyl with the stern resolve of a frontier
drama, Marie Van Vorst has made this
a fascinating, colorful little tale of love
and adventure. It is pure romance, hut
It Is told with such sincerity, delicacy
and feeling that It does not seem at all
To give a notion of its charm and its
appeal one must really resort to the worn
method of comparison, and even then
one is doubtful whether a satisfactor\
idea of its real beauty, Its pathos and
sentiment, and the utter loveliness of it
all, can be fully conveyed.
To say that when one reads "His Love
Story" he is instinctively—instantaneous
ly— reminded of those delightful peasant
amt animal tales of Oulda at her best, is
indeed a high tribute, yet even this seems
hardly sufficient to describe Marie Van
Vorst s charming novelette. There is
something In it that grips the heart just
as the big. powerful stories that deal with
life in a big way,
There is a simplicity, a directness, a
tenderness about the manner of the nar
rative that transmits some of the best
flavor of the French prose. It is so ord
inal all the way through that it is bound
to be taking.
Marie Van Vorst has sifrceeded where
numbers have failed—she has made an
animal the real hero of her book with
out overdrawing the situation or over
taxing the Imagination of the reader.
Pltchoune, a spunky little Irish terrier,
j with an eccentric limp, the greatest de
votion. and almost human Intelligence—
i ■ v It is we follow tirelessly throughout
[ the book. For Pltchoune is a real dog.
| He has a marked character and stands
out among his peers because of his dis
i tinctive personality, and ids unquestion
able. delightful charm.
The story centci’s about the love af
fair of a sturdy young captain of the
F rench army and a beautiful, courageous,
thoroughbred American girl. While visit
ing her aunt—the Marquis rle Mille Fleurs,
the wife of an old French aristocrat, who!
lias almost forgotten she ever was a De
Puyster of Schenectady—at her estate in
the flowery village of Tarascon in the
sunny Midi <>f France, the girl meets the
young officer-. They fall in love at sight,
hut before the young captain can ply
his troth, he is called away to take part
in a campaign against the insurreeting
natives in Algiers. He leaves Pitchoune
with the girl, but dissatisfied and lonely,
the little animal takes advantage of the
first opportunity to run away. Straight
for the coast he goes and never rests until,
lie, by chance of course, again joins his
lie follows him through the skirmish
and battle, encouraging* him with his
snappy little bark and his affectionate
caresses. During an attack the young of
ficer is wounded and left for dead o.i the
battlefield. But thanks to Pitchoune he
is cared for In a native village by an aged
fellaheen. The girl back in France re
ceives a report of her lover’s death. She
doubts its truth and disregards the prof
fers of titled suitors, abandons ease and
luxury and embarks on a perilous expedi
tion to search for him. Agr/ln, thanks to
the faithful terrier and a caravaneer, she
finds 1dm and all ends happily.
But the note of pathos, the tenderness
with which the whole tale is unfolded,
rings true and touches tlie heart. Few
will fail to find their eyes bedewed at the
telling of the little dog's rescue from
death through the tender offices of
young captain; at his suffering from the
separation ordered by the army bureau;
at his almost miraculous pursuit of his
master from the village of Tarascon and
on board ship at Marseilles; at his bring
ing succor to the soldier lying wounded
and dying on the great Sahara.
By Carolyn Wells. .1. B. Blppincott Com
pany. publishers, Philadelphia.
Carolyn W who has written some of
the cleverest verses as well as short
stories and • skits” for the various mag
azines. besides one or two exceedingly
attractive novels, again makes her per
sonality and her pen most versatile when
she tells in her own inimitable way the
story of ‘The Maxwell Mystery.”
Given a perfectly good h-Aise party
and a big dance one evening tvncl the host
and one of his guests—a beautiful girl—
both shot.
The man Is dead, with a bullet through
his heart, and the girl, with whom he Is
desperately In love, lying by his side with
the pistol in her hand.
Of course you’d imagine the girl had
done the shooting, but wait.
A few days before some one had heard
Irene Gardener, anotlu I girl very much
in love with the man who was shot, sav
to a party of friends:
••T really believe if the motive were
strong enough, 1 mean if it were one of
the elemental motives like love, jealousy,
Better Than Spanking
Spanking does not cure children of
bed wetting. There is a constitutional
cause for this trouble. Mrs. M. Sum
send free to any mother her successful
home treatment, with full Instructions.
Send no money, but write her today if
triers. Fox W, Notre Dame, Ind.. will
your children trouble you in this way.
Don't blame the child, the chances are
it can't help it. This treatment also
cures adults and aged people troubled
with urine difficulties by day or a^ht.
o'" revenue. ! could kill a human being
without hesitation.”
Perhaps you'd think she had something
tu do with It—wouldn't you?
Anyway, at the trial there was a grand
mix-up. the girl who was shot being ter
ribly rattled when she gave her testi
mony and the whole thing appearing as
though she '.ould have to answer for the
murder, until—
Well, that would be telling and you
wouldn't he interested in reading the
story, so just pick it up the first chance
you get and see if you don't think Miss
Wells has done a capital piece of work
in "The Maxwell Mystery.”
By George Lee Burton. Illu 1 rated. Har
per Brothers, publishers, New York.
“Tackling Matrimony,” by George Lee
Burton, Is more of a treatise on a cer
tain question than it is a novel—although
love is at the bottom of the whole story.
The question is just this:
Is it better when two people are in love
with each other to wait until they can
aC*ord a big, showy wading, and a lot of
fusLs and feathers, and keep up a grand
appearance afterwards, or to marry right
away on a small income and lead the
simple life and make no pretences?
"Tackling Matrimony” tells of a couple
who chose the latter and lived within
moderate means, and made u great suc
cess of their married life, whereas other
couples “tackled matrimony" on the more
amibtious scale and ultimately found that
there was not half as much happiness In
it for them.
By Emile Pouger. Translated from the
French, with an introduction by Arthur
M. Giovannitti. Charles K. Kerr & Co.,
Chicago. •
In his introduction to “Sabotage,” Al
lure M. Giovannitti. the trxnslator of
Emile Pouget's book, says:
“What then is Sabotage? Sabotage is:
A. Any conscious and willful on the
pgft of one or more workers intended to
slacken and reduce the outTlit of produc
tion in the industrial field, or to restrict
trade and reduce the profits V the com
mercial field, in ordr*- to secure from their
employers better conditions or to enforce
those promised or maintain those already
prevailing, when no other way of redress
is open. „
B. Any skillful operation on the ma
chinery of production intended not to de
stroy it or permanently render it defec
tive, but only to temporarily disable It
^nd to put it out of running condition in
order to make impossible the work of
scabs and thus to secure the complete anti
real stoppoge of work during a strike.
Whether you agfee or not, Sabotage Is
this and nothing but this. Tt is not de
structive. It has nothing to do with vio
lence. neither to life nor to propertv. it
is nothing more or less than the chloro
forming of the organism of production,
the "knock-out drops” to, put to sleep and
out of harm’s way the ogres of steel and
The author of “A Mere Woman”
fire that watch and multiply the treasures I
of King Capital.
In half a dozen chapters Mr. Pouget
gives his views on the "The Origin of
Sabotage." "The Labor Market" and
other questions, winding up with "Prole
tarian Sabotage and Capitalistic Sabot
By. Leander Edmund Whipple. The
American School of Metaphysics, pub
lishers, New' York.
Leander Edmund Whipple, in his "Heal
ing Influences," explains the nature of
his work in a preface, in which lie says:
"Prominent amohg the subjects of hu
man life that are constantly occupying
the attention of thinking persons every
where. is the matter of health. In this
all are deeply interested all of the time,
either for themselves or for suffering rel
atives or friends, and sometimes both.
"The thinking engendered by trouble
some and often desperate circumstances
has resulted in many expedients for need
ed relief that too often has not been ob
tained through the usual scientific: or
scholastic means, howsoever thoroughly
these may have been tried and relied
upon upon with confidence. These fail
ures have driven to desperation l&i&e
numbers who have felt certain that there
should and must be legitimate means of
reducing suffering and saving lives. The
result of this thinking has shown forth
in many theories about sickness and its
cure and the establishing of various
methods of healing effort. These vary
widely, both in theory and result, and
consequently in usefulness; and while
ail may be good to an extent, It would
seem that there must be among them
some superior ground §f action and ef
fort which, if properly understood,
should yield results more reliable than
those obtained by the average experi
mental system. To aid in determining
this question has been the aim and pur
pose of writing this little book.
"Nearly all the advanced methods of re
lieving sickness and the troubles of per
sonal life relate, more or less directly, to
the (derations of the mind.
"The explanations given are not the re
sult of theoretical speculation alone, but
are the outcome of 30 years of studious
attention given to the subject, supple
mented by an almost constant application
of the principles in their adaptations to
the affairs of life. In this way and for
these reasons, the statements made from
time to time in these pages are known to
be true and consequently useful in human
life. It Is only a matter of unprejudiced
tliought and careful investigation of the
ideas presented, to become convinced of
their utility and practical value In times
of trouble.
With these few- explanations the little
work is hopefully sent forward on its mis
sion of possible helpfulness."
By Hyde Fowlkes. The Cosmopolitan
Press, publishers, New York.
In a little volume containing about 35
"poems" from the pen of Hyde Fowlkes,
the lover of poetry has a collection of
most charming verses to select from.
All subjects come under the writer’s Im
Within Ten Day* l>y Our New
Painless Method
Only Sanitarium lu the World Giving
I iicoiidlttonul Guarantee
Our guarantee means something. Not
one dollar need be paid until a satisfac
tory cure has been effected. We control
completely the usual withdrawal symp
toms. No extreme nervousness, aching
limbs, or loss of sleep. Patients unable
to visit sanitarium can be treated
privately at home.
References: Union Bank & Trust Co.,
the American National Bank, or any
citizen of Lebanon. Write for Free
Booklet No. 30. Address.
F. J. Sander*, Mgr. Lebanon* Teoa.
agination and among the moat appeal
ing is
(Dear Ida)
A fragile, seared, faded thing,
It rustles ’neatb my Unger’s haste;
My heart, a heavy lump, is still,
For tis her letter—'tis her last.
Life's changes bore us leagues apart,
Who once around one fireside grew,
But letters came and kept the bond
Of heart and thought and knowledge
For years they came, all prompt and glad,
Rounded and full and clear, the hand—
And then they lagged; and scant and few,
In feebly traced, uncertain strand.
And well t lfnew the hand that traced
Was faltering like the lines that came.
And saw In each that feeblei; grew,
The flicker of life's falling flame.
And yeU so loyal was that heart.
It st4n compelled the flagging frame.
E’en until this did duly come
And then, alas, no other came!
They wrote me she was gone, hut ah!
Such words sank not into my heart,
It could not be, for still to me.
’Twas only we were leagues apart.
But days roll by, and weeks, and years—
The shadowy truth so dark and dumb
Grows heavier as 1 hopeless mark
That now no more the letters come.
Silberrad. George M. Doran Company,
publishers, Ne\v York.
fort Moore. George H. Doran Company,
publishers. New York.
Burdensome Names
The most burdensome names ever
bestowed on a child was that given by
Arthur Pepper, a laundryman of West
Derby, Liverpool, to his daughter.
oorn%in Decemebr. 1882. It comprised
one name for every letter of th: alpha
bet. and was certainly Ingenious In its
way, running: Anna Bertha Cecilia Di
ana Emily Fanny Gertrude Hypatia Inez
Jane Kate Louise Maud Nora Ophelia
Quince Rebecca Starkey Teresa Ulysis
Venus Winifred Xenophon Yetty Zeno.
P. of course, was provided in the sur
name, Pepper, says Til-Bits.
Hundreds of examples of this poor
form of parental wit occur in the en
tries for the past ft -v years. Noah's
Ark Smith, Sardine Box, Jolly Death.
Judas Iscariot Brown, One-too-Many
Johnson. Not-Wanted Smith, Bovril
Simpson, Merry Christmas Figgett,
Odious Heaten. Anno Oomlni Davis, are
the names of children probably living
who will have to bear them through
life, unless they wash themselves clean
with subterfuge. How can such chil
dren observe the fifth commandment?
Tfiere was for a long time a curiosity
in nomenclature on the Australian pen
sion list. His name was “Through-i
much-tribulation-v«- enter - lh * - King- j
horn-of-Heaven Smith.” The officials j
of the pension department very par- :
don aid y abbreviated him into ‘ Tribby
Smith.” Has any diligent student of
our pension list discovered anything i
that caps this? i
It is not surprising that the name*
of Dickens’ characters—odd though
tlp y are—should he found in real life. .
for it was from life that many of then'1. ,
were taken. Some, as we ‘know, were !
copied from the names over* shop doors, j
etc., but this was not thrt novelist’s i
only source of selection. Among his .
papers John Foster found caref\tll;, j
drawn up lists of names, with the
source from which he obtained them,
and the longest lists were those drawn
from the “Privy Council Educational
Lists." Some of the names thus noted
are too extravagant for nriything hut
sreality—Jolly .Stick. Bill Marigold,
George Muzzle, William \V4iy. Robert
Gospel, Rabin, Scrub bam—.jbumu ■
sacks. Catherine Two. Sophia Dooms
day, Rosetta Dust. Sally Gimblct!
For quaint surnames one should
search the records of Northumberland.
Hr. A. <3. Bradley has made it collec
tion of soiiie of these Nortiiumbian
patronrfriicN. Ho is writing of the ,
limes of the border raids, and there '
was Robert Unthank in those days.
Among others, too, we find the name of
Adam Aydrunken. who “upset bis boat
In the Tyne, and accidentally drowned
his wife, Beatrice." “Cecilia, the wife
of John Unkuthman (uneouthman), cut
her throat with a razor.” The inci
dent requires no explanation. “Anoth
er unfortunate person figures as Adam
wit h-t lie-nose."
Easily E <•)? i ned
From tiie Philadelphia Telegraph.
Senator Joseph T. Robinson of Arkan- ~
sas told one the other day in demonstrate
ng that the kid is always there with an
?asy explanation.
Some time ago a fish and game warden
saw a small boy fishing on the hank of
a lake -and lie rambled over.
The boy, willingly produced, and the
warden saw only catfish, perch and other
species that came within the law. A few
^ards away, however, he found a large
black bass on a string that was weighted
down with a stop/*.
“Look here, boy!” sternly cried the offi
cial. "what are you doing with*this bass?"
“That’s all right, mister,” was the ready **
response of the boy. "He’s bean takin’
my bait all the mornin'. so I just tied
him up there until I got through flailin'.’*
Could Hardly Care for Chil
dren — Finds Health in
Lydia E. Pinkham’s Veg
etable Compound.
Bovina Center, N. Y. — “ For six years
I have not had as good health as I have
uuvv. a naci yuj
young when my first
baby was born and
my health was very
bad after that. [
was not regular and
I had pains in my
back and was so
poorly that I could
hardly take care of
my two children. I
doctored with sev
eral doctors but got
no oeiier. iney coiu me mere was no
help wi thout an operation. I have used
Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com
pound and it has helped me wonderfully.
I do most of my own work now and taKa
care of my children. I recommend ybur
remedies to all suffering women.” —
Mrs. Willard A. Graham, Care of
Elsworth Tuttle, Bovina Center, N. Y.
Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com
pound, made from native roots and
herbs, contains no narcotics or harmful
drugs, and today holds the record of
being the most successful remedy we
know for woman’s ills. If you need such
a medicine why don’t you try it ?
If you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia E. Pink ham's Vegeta*
hie Compound will help vou,write
to Lydia E.Pinkliam MeirlicIneCo.
read and answered by a woman,
and held in strict confidence.

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