THE AGE-HERALD K. W. ti V It K Kll.Editor Entered at Hie Birmingham, Ala, postoflice as second class matter under act of Congress March 3, 187V. Daily and Sunday Age-He raid . $8.00 Daily and Sunday per mouth ... .70 Daily and Sunday, three months.. 2.00 Weekly Age-Hcrald, per annum .. .uo Sunday Age-Herald . 2.UU A. J. Eaton, Jr., and O. E. Young are tile only authorized traveling repre sentatives of The Age-Herald in its circulation department. No communication will be published without its author s name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed tor that purpose. Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address. THE AGE-HERALD, Birmingham, Ala. Washington bureau, 207 liibbs build ing. European bureau, 6 Henrietta street. Covent Garden, London. Eastern business office, Rooms 48 ti 60, inclusive, Tribune building. New York city; Western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The a. C. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for sign advertising. TELEPHONE Bell (prlvntc exchange connecting all departments). Main 4000. Bat we will draw the curtain, and ■how you the picture. —Twelfth Night. The New Haven Wreck Another score and more have been added to the death toll of the New Haven. Tuesday’s disaster inaugur ated the administration of Howard Elliott, who succeeds Charles S. Mel len, forced from the presidency of the road by public opinion. As was to be expected, this last r,wreck has renewed agitation of laws to compel the railroads of the coun try to equip all trains with automatic stops. Representative Levy of New York has introduced a bill in the House to this effect. Representative Britten of Illinois is the author of a resolution setting forth the fact that a total of 469 persons have been killed or injured on the New ^ork, New Haven and Hartford within the past two years, and instructing the inter state commerce commission to make an immediate inquiry into the cause of the latest disaster and recommend remedial legislation. The commission has already begun its probe. It cannot be denied that America’s railroad casualties are abnormal. Something or somebody is to blame. The installation of automatic stops would go far to put an end to wrecks. But it would cost a tremendous sum of money, and where is that money to come from ? Already the railroads are complain ing that their profits are entirely too small for the amount of money in vested. They contend that freight rates have been cut to such an extent j that railroad stocks and bonds are no longer attractive to the man who has capital to invest. Should they be re quired to make this additional outlay j the result might prove disastrous. The only solution of the difficulty | seems authorization to increase the charges for transportation. Confisca tion of the carriers should be approved by none. —-— The Anti-Speed Law Thai good work is being done by the i officials in attempting to minimize the speed evil is admitted on all sides. Chief Bodeker’s men are active and alert, and they are being heartily backed up by Commissioners E.xum and Weatherly in the absence of Judge Lane. Those found guilty by the recorder are finding it hard to obtain a remission of the amounts assessed, and this fact is giving a respect to the traffic ordinance that has not been shown in the past. There should be no slackening in the campaign. The city is thoroughly aroused over the situation, and will uphold the officers of the law in their efforts to put an end to this most pernicious practice. The number of automobile and motorcycle accidents in Birmingham is out of all propor ' tion to a city of this size. “The man who doesn’t think” must be made to think. Those who have been accustomed to traverse the streets at a speed denoting reckless abandon must be curbed. An active police force, a just judge and a firm commission can bring this about. Alabama Land Values During the past 12 or 15 years there has been a steady advance in land values throughout this country. In nearly all sections farm lands have reached higher levels of value. The south has participated in this advance in a very material degree. It is easy to recall the $5 and $10 acre farm lands in Alabama. Farms that sold for $10 an acre 20 years ago would be considered cheap at $25 Or $30 today; and many tracts under cultivation are reasonably priced at $56 an acre. The time will come when Alabama farm land will easily bring $100 an acre. The Alabama Land congress, which „ will hold its second annual meeting l \in Birmingham in November, will do imith to exploit our agricultural re sources. The fact is that no single movement in recent years has done t so much to advance agricultural niter jp oils , in Alabama as the land con ! gress. At the forthcoming meeting a ; number of men of national reputa tion will discuss various phases of Alabama's resources. Most of the southern states are rich by nature but it is safe to assert that Alabama leads. Not only is cotton a great money crop in this state but corn and alfalfa and the trucking crops can be made equally profitable. Many movements have been started to uplift the farmer but the Alabama Land congress is arousing more in terest than any similar organization attempted in former years. This con gress will be largely attended and while it is primarily in the interest of agriculture, values of all sorts will be promoted by it. The Rising Markets In one month the condition of the cotton crop fell ffo 11.4 per cent, and August 25 was only 68.2 per cent of normal. A yield of not more than 13, 500,000 bales is now indicated. This Las resulted in a sharp rise in the price of the staple. Weather conditions are responsible for the the deterioration of the cotton crop. The prolonged drouth has had its effect, and prospects for a heavy yield are not near so roseate as they were a month ago. Alabama is faring a little better than the average, the condition for this state jseing placed at 72, while Texas has suffered most, the condition there being estimated at only 64. The markets for corn and wheat are also showing activity wdth a rising tendency largely in evidence. The dry weather has had its effect upon these crops. One factor that has caused the price of wheat to advance is the out look for poor yields in Europe. France for the third year in succession will show a disappointing harvest. Europe will be compelled to call upon Ameri ca for bread, and this will bring about high prices. Despite the prolonged spell of dry weather, however, the crops of the country as a whole are far from dis couraging. The financial condition of the farmers this fall and winter should be better than it has been in many years. The Currency Hearing The appearance of a committee of financial experts before the Senate committee on banking and currency is bound to be of benefit in the draft ing of a measure to relieve a bad situation. Of all the classes of the country, the bankers are the most directly interested in the proposed legislation. They have an intimate knowledge of actual conditions, and have given deep study to remedial measures. There is much in the Glass-Owen bill that meets the approval of the bankers, but there are some things that they would like to see changed before the measure is put upon its final passage. President Wilson and other leaders of the administration all along have declared that they are striving to do the best possible, and to that end they are anxious to obtain the counsel and advice of the whole country. Not all that the bankers ask will be granted. The idea of one central bank is unpopular in so many quar ters that the adoption of such a plan hardly seems probable. But there are other questions which need a thor ough threshing out before they can be regarded as settled. Currency legislation at the present extra session now seems assured. The worst of the hot spell will have passed before the tariff bill is out of the way, and the leaders of both par ties seem satisfied to bend to the will of the President in this regard. Representative Levy of New York says the prosecution of the Steel trust Is cost ing the government *20 a minute and urges that the suit be dismissed. The Steel trust in Birmingham has never de veloped grasping tendencies and the Bir mingham public believes It to be a “good trust." Sometimes we wish that Paul Chebeas had not created September Morn, espe cially after every alleged humorist in tilt country has had his fling at it. But when We observe the masterpiece, "View ing With Alarm" becomes a lost art. Perhaps former President Mellen of the New York, New Haven and Hartford railroad is comforted by the reflection that the blame for the latest wreck hor ror on that ill-starred road cannot be laid at his door. The mayor of St. Joseph. Mo., has won vindication in an election that sought ids recall. But what's the use of the people having a political plaything unless they play with it occasionally? If it is really true that King Alfonso tied from England to avoid kissing his mother-in-law, it must be equally true that the bravest of the brave have their moments of cowardice. Philadelphia is to choose nine munici pal court judges and there are 99 candi dates in the Held. A police court judge ship is almost as much sought after as a postmastership. One cf the wreck victims on the NcW York. New Haven and Hartford railroad Is described merely as an elderly man in a union suit, which, to say the least, is not at all specific. Thaw seems to have no kick on the law's delay. J Five hundred men are to be added to the police force in New York. But this ‘loea not piean that thp graft in future will be subjected to longer division. Governor Colquitt of Texas says his friends spent $0000 and he spent $7000 to elect him. But that’s no reason why he should want to whip Mexico. A vaudeville performer denies that a ragtime tune was played at his wedding. He can still further discount that story by staying married. —- —•—— ■ - -— If Mr. T.bid's travel, are continued it should not be long before he knows every way station between Vera Cruz and Mex ico City. Human beings are bought and sold in the Philippines. Horrible, isn't it? Base ball players arc bought and sold in this country. Ah, cheer up, boys! Thanksgiving comes soon after school opens. Think of the accompanying turkey and cran berries! John Armstrong Chaloner of Virginia condoles with Harry Thaw. His most famous remark Is. "Who's loony now?" It appears that the Canadian brand ol justice is not so clear and lucid as many people have heretofore supposed. The Tammany tiger will not lose enough fur in the present disturbance to feel the cold blast next winter. Queen Wilhelmlna save Andrew Car negie a medal and the glad hand. Who could ask for more? Just why Harry Thaw prefers tile Sherbrooke jail to Matteawan is hard to understand. Uncle Joe will will run tot- Congress again. The old guard dies, hut never sur renders. If Mr. Carnegie is so rampant for peace, "hy doesn't he offer to pension Huerta? So far Colonel Mulhall has,not been of fered a Chautauqua contract. Mr. Hearst is the man who put the con to fusion in New York. HOW BASEBAl.Ii DRAMS I* lorti the American Magazine. There are over 35 leagues under the national commission, with six to eight clubs apiece, ipiaying an average, possibly, of 130 games to the season. I should say that means a daily attendance on organ ized baseball of 150,000 to 300,000 people. Perhaps the unorganized clubs draw half as many more. Thirty million a year, at a minimum! The Giants alone played to 750,000 last season. The world’s series draw a total of 262.000 for eight games. “And even those ligtires don’t begin to measure ppoular interest. You get a better idea when you add up the amount of newspaper space and telegraph Service that is devoted to baseball every day In the season. Where is the town that doesn't get the returns by wire? Think of the playographs in every major league city and the crowds they draw! Almost os many saw' the world’s series at the Madison Square Garden playograph as actually went to the games—all the gar den would hold, anyway. Then the bul letin boards! There Is no way of esti mating how many people daily watch the newspaper bulletins, but It is an immense number. “And the extras—every play telegraphed in by special wire from the grounds, and the forms made up and gotten off the press so fast that they meet your trolley car half way downtown. One New York PH per estimated that It sold 100.000 extras dally during the worlds series. one Cleveland paper sells a 20,000 sporting edi tion every day. Kvery morning daily of any consequence prints box scores, and yon old newspaper men know what tele graphing a box score means the big chance of confusion ill wiring the play ers' names and the string of six separate figures after each cue, and then the sum mary of the game . It isn't like wiring a supreme court decision, either; you haven't got all night to do it. The news editor will stand for a holdover once, in a while, but there is nothing doing in holdovers with the sporting editor nor with the fans. Now if you recall how many mistakes you have noticed in all the thousands of box scores you have read, you will have a good record for the service.” U KE M’LIKE SAYS From the Cincinnati Enquirer. Every time the devil has an off day lie starts a reform movement and creates a new flock of hypocrit?s. You can get used to anything. The longer you are married the less it worries you. • A debtor and a creditor never figure in terest the same way. The high cost of living is often caused by the cost of high living. A man always likes to add a few years to his age so he can brag about how old lie is. But it Is different with a woman. A married woman is Ailed with sympa thy for some other woman’s husband wno has to lead a dog’s life. But that’s just what the other woman is thinking about the Arst woman’s husband. A man always knows where he got his headache, but a woman doesn’t. Every now and then you see a woman who makes you grin when you remember that she belongs to the “w'eaker sex.” A woman will rave over a green baby that looks like a red monkey, but a man will grin foolishly and admit that it has a Ane head. Every man knows that there ain’t no Santa Claus. But you can alw'ays sell him mining stock. When a girl with a rosebud mouth has been eating onions you forget all about the roses. Labor Day Is usually one of the best aleoholMays on the list. DON'T WORRY From the Kansas City Star. “Don’t worry,” was the recipe for long life recently given by an aged physician who had preserved his youth. “Good advice, but impractical,” ydu say. Tbit did you ever give it a real trial? A person can’t stop worrying mereJy by saying, “Go to. now, I am not going to worry any more.” The more he thinks about stopping the more impossible it is to stop. There is a way, though. Don’t con sciously try to stop worrying, but get in terested in something else. If you have something to worry about and give yourself the opportunity, you will do a lot of worrying. But if you keep busy you won’t give worry a chance. When a great sorrow comes a person irfay simply abandon himself to it by let t’.ig ills other interests lag. But by look ing about for something .to absorb Ilia attention he ertn put himself in a whole some frame of mind. Worry can be fought the same way. IN HOTEL LOBBIES Ht’fafi Fall lltinfiM'MM ‘Fall trade* Is starting off well and business jn all directions seems to be In good condition,” said F. T. Eldridge of Rochester, X. y. ‘‘A few months ago there was a feel ing of depression In financial circles, but that has passed away. The outlook for the next few months is exceptionally bright. ”1 voted the democratic ticket last No vember and am more than pleased with President Wilson’s administration. The republicans predicted that business would be ruined if the democrats had the ex ecutive office and . oth houses of Con gress, but everything is fturning out all rifjkt. T believe the revised tariff will prtve to be extremely popular with the people of this country.” InilicalcM Population “The business done on Morris avenue, a part of the wholesale center of Bir mingham. is a very reliable barometer as to the population of the city,” said a busi ness man yesterday. “Trade this sum mer has increased about 40 per cent, ac cording to reliable figures, and this in dicates that there has been a correspond ing increase in the population of (he city. “Some of tiie merchants reported in creases of 60 per cent, but the average will be about 40 per cent. Now it is plain that, the people in Birmingham did not cat more this summer than they did last, therefore it follows that there must have been more people here to eat it.” Viscount Haldane — "Viscount Haldane, who was the guest of the American Bar association at Us annual meeting in Montreal this week, Is not only regarded as an able lawyer, but he is one of the most accomplished ; scholars in Great Britain,” said a man who takes an interest in public men and affairs. "He was Secretary of War for several years and was created a peer only two years ago. He recently succeeded Earl Loreburn as lord high chancellor. While a member of the House of Commons Hal dane was looked upon as a first-class authority on parliamentary law. lie also displayed great executive ability at the head of the w'ar office, and outside of politics he has long shone as a man of letters. “Lord Haldane was educated at Edin burg and Gottingen universities. He won first class honors in philosophy at Edin burg and has honorary degrees from nearly all the universities in Great Britain, lie was Gifford lecturer at St. Andrews’ university in 3902-4. Among his degrees is that of doctor of canon law, Oxford. His publications include, ‘Essays and Philosophical Criticisms;’ ‘Life of Adam Smith;’ ‘Education and Empire,’ and translation (with‘Mr. Kemp) of Schopen hauer's ‘World as Will and Idea,' three v chimes. “The British lord chancellor presides over the House of Lords. He starts as a commoner and is selected by the party in power for his parliamentary skill and attainments in law. As lord chancellor, Lord Haldane is the representative of the liberal government in the House of Lords.” ChpckiuK of Speed Maniac* “However much we may desire to co operate with the officers in the checking of the ‘speedomaniacs,’ it is utterly im possible to do so in most cases." said a public spirited citizen. “A few’ nights ago J walked up Twen tieth street hill, and a motorcycle passed me, going 50 miles an hour, wide open and popping like a cavalry charge with carbines; in fact it reminded me very much of the only one I ever heard, dur ing the last days of the war. I could get no sight of the license number, but I watched the speeder, until lost to view, 1'ar down the street. “Later I returned by the sumo route, and an automobile came down the hill speed of at least 40 miles an hour. The car was changed in its counys about two feet, and if swung wide, so W“eat. was its speed. The driver made this change, bare ly missing a negro woman who was cross ing ttie street at Avenue G. 1 tried to get ! the number, but there was just a flash and a whin, and the "speedonianiac* kept [ Ids pace as far as I could see, towards the railroad crossings. “Here is a suggestion for checking these automobile and motorcycle devils: Ilava cross drains, say 8 inches across the top, cut at each street crossing in the sur lace of the roadway, and at two points on the grade of Twentieth street. These will force the reckless drivers to check up, so that their numbers may be taken. At least, twill put 'punctuation* in the unchecked fast driving as now all too com mon. and It may cause punctures of tires; then, too. It may cause punctures of the cranlums of those who disregard these checks iu ;he roadway!" A Pertinent CoininirNnn "Tlie' Wall Street Journal in a brief editorial under the caption ‘A Pertinent Comparison,' shows that the cotton re . eipts of Memphis from September ], J912, to Allgust 22, 1912, were $20,214 bales and that the Nashville receipts for the same period were 7S5S hales," said a member of the Chamber of Commerce. "It stresses the fact that the reported allotment by the United States treasury of $600,000 to Memphis for moving the crop will av crrge about 75 cents a bale while the same amount to Nashville wall be $$o. "Secretary McAdoo has commended him self strongly to the public. He Is recog niezd as a great Secretary of the Treas ury. Most people regardless of parti cle disposed to Indorse whatever he does in his official capacity, but there was some little comment, on his generous treat ment of Tennessee banks, out of propor tion to the crop moving requirements.” Ambassador Walter H. Page "The London Times and other London tapers give Walter Hines Page, the Uni ted States ambassador, the title of ‘Doctor,’ but I think the scribes have got him mixed with Thomas Nelson Page," said a man who has a personal acquaintance with both ambassadors. "Thomas Nelson Pa.ge was recently ap pointed ambassador to the King of Italy. I was living in Virginia when he was made Litt. D, or doctor of letters, at Washington and Lee. It was In the year 1974. The degree was little known at that, time. In the same year It was conferred on the Rev. Dr. Lafferfy, a prominent Methodist minister and editor, and on V atson James, a well known and brilliant newspaper man of Richmond: Yale con ferred LL.D. On Tom Page in 1901. "If Walter Hines Page, who is a man of letters as well as Thomas Nelson Page, is embellished with a doctorate I have never heurd of it. He Is a man of very marked ability and seems to be mak | lug good as ambassador, but his title in London should be simply Mr. Page." MORE ABOUT THAT TRAIN Uenrge Pitch, the Illinois funny man. Is writing a series of llomeburg sketches for the American Magazine. In the Sep tember number he tells about the arrival ol the 4:1< train In Homeburg. The fol lowing is an extract: "It’s the town pastline. We all do it. ' : - Whenever a Homebur* man has nothin* else to do at 4 o’clock, he steps over to the depot and joins the Ion* line which leans up against the depot wall and keeps, It In place during the crisis. Some of them haven't missed a roll call In years. Old Bill Dorgan, the drayman, has stood on the platform every day since the line was built, rain or shine. Josh .lames, the colored porter of the Cosmopolitan hotel, knows more traveling men than William J. Bryan, if he was absent from his post the engineer wouldn't know' where to stop the train. The old men come crawl ing down on nice days and sun themselves for an hour before the tr^u arrives. The boys sneak slyly down on their way from school and stand In docks worshiping the train butcher, who is bigger than the Washington monument to them. "There's the headlight half a mile down the track! Bho's corning fast, 30 minutes late, and, just because youVe been lone some all afternoon and need exercise, you slip Into your coat and hustle down. Just as you get to the depot, No. 31 comes in with a crash and a roar, bell ringing, steam popping off, every brake yelling, platforms loaded, expectation in tense, confusion terrific, all nerves a-tingle and fat old Jack Belli, the conductor, lan tern under arm, sweeping majestically by on the bottom step of the smoker. Young Red Nolan and Barney Gastlt, two of the station agent's innumerable amateur help ers, race for the baggage car with their truck, making a terrible uproar over the old planks. The mall clerk dumps the sacks. Tsually he gets a stranger in the Fliin with them. Nothing doing today. Just missed a traveling man. We still tell cf the time the paper sack scooted across the Icy platform and stood Mayor Andrew's on his head. He wanted to abolish the whole postoffi^e depart ment." PILGRIM TRAINS IN INDIA From the Wide World Magazine. Of course, pilgrims in India usually travel third class, and the best of suoh ac commodation makes no provision for com fort. Most of the carriages are divided into small cubicles, with long, narrow, wooden benches running along the two sides. There is no convenience of any kind, and the travelers are packed into the compartments like so many sardines in a tin. oK festive occasions, when Hindus jour ney by the hundred thousand to the sacred spots, it is a sight worth traveling many miles to see a pilgrim train bound for some shrine on the Ganges. When it stops at a wayside station, scores of in tending passengers try to force their way into the already closely packed third class carriages by hatering down the locked doors, or even endeavoring to crawl through the window’s over the heads and shoulders of the occupants. The police use their batons freely to drive the in vaders away, but usually a fewr manage to evade the constables and secure a foot hold on the train. Sometimes t*.- authorities are compelled to carry passengers in open trucks. They plant themselves in the bottom of these cars and remain there, exposed to the in clemencies of the weather for 10, 20, 30 and 40 hours at a stretch, one treading on the toes of the other—fretful babies crying, men and women grumbling—until the end of the journey is reached. CONVICTS GUARD THEMSELVES From the Wide World Magazine. Three years ago the authorities of the province of Ontarla cautiously commenced to reverse a system that had been In op eration wit hlittle variation for about 20 centuries. They took 400 men from be hind the high walls and steel bars of the Central prison. Toronto, and placed them on a farm, where their words of honor were the only bastions and a common sense notion of “co-operation” their only lock and key. The authorities moved with care they did not choose desperate criminals for such unparalleled leniency or dynamitards. IS I any of them, however, ure practiced burglars, forgers, pickpockets, and the like, and about 90 per cent of them are the products of drink. This experiment has been successful al most beyond belief. Four hundred con victed men, mostly young, live the year round on 12(H) acres of farm land, with no more repression or surveillance than is imposed on any farm laborer on the Canadian prairie. Do they escape? Four in three years, out of a transient popula tion of perhaps 1000. “But does not the system make prison life so attractive as to place a premium on crime?” asks the sceptic. So far Is this from being the fact that not one-half the percentage of “repeaters” come back for further sen tences to the prison farm, as is the case with the old fashioned jails. MANY SEE THE MOVIES From the American Magazine. "There are certainly 10,000 such theatres, it is said, and probably the daily attend ance is closer to 20,000,000 than to the 5,000,000 estimated by the proprietors, it easily could be that many at any rale, since each theatre probably gives at least four performances a day. This means that more than one-fifth of our entire pop ulation are patrons of the movies every day. This means that, at 10 cents an ad mission, we as a nation are spending $2, 1100,000 dally to witness canned drama. However, as they never did, it Is per fectly apparent that a considerable num ber of the patrons of the movies have not been drawn away from better things. It Is obvious that many of these 20,000,000 canned theatre goers never were patrons of Ike conventional playhouse. Unfor tunately, there are no available statistics to show what percentage of the popula tion attended the conventional theatre (that Is, tlie theatre where plays are pre sented, not vaudeville nor burlesque) eb fore the movies were Invented, and what percentage now attends. It is, however, pretty generally admitted that the gal laries of our theatres are no longer filled as they used to be. Even the most suc cessful plays on Broadway, plays which are ‘selling out' downstairs, often show tiers of empty benches under the roof. This Is usually attributed to the movies." EASTERN SHEPHERDS From the Wide World Magazine. Tlie shepherds of the east—those to be found In such countries as Palestine, Arabia and Persia^-dlffer entirely from their brethren of the west. They are a class apart; even their dress is unlike that of the peasants of the land In which they live. Their shoes are of the roughest de scription, almost circular In appearance. They wear an outer garment of bright colors, woven from camel’s hair and with out seams. Being square and sleeveless, this garment fits any size of a man, hang ing lit picturesque folds from the shoul ders. A 'kerchief for the head, tied In two black rings of rope and wool, com pletes the outfit. In the winter, however, the eastern shepherd takes an undressed fleece, which he girds about his loins, when he appears more than ever like a mem ber of Ills own flock. Unlike the shep herds of the west, these men lead their flocks, this custom hat ing arisen through the absence of roads and sheep dogs. ! ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES — A SMALL BOY'S PLIGHT. 'I’lie call to school melees Willie sad, lie thinks about the fun he’s had. Those leafy coverts cool and dim. The stream in which he used to swim, The country lanes that lured his feet When idle days made life so sw'cct. And then a shadow glooms his face. No more lie’ll leap and run and race As free as any bird of air, His heart a strange* to all care? Now leadin’, writin’, ’rithrustic Must be his lot, his teacher's quick And roving eye his nemesis— Gould any fate be worse than tills? A PERMANENT SITUATION. "Do you remember that profligate young Tewksley who used to live here?” "Oh, yes. He used to say he wouldn’t go to work until he found his life work.” "Well, he’s found It.” "What’s he doing now?” "He's working in the shoe factory of the state penitentiary under a life sen tence.” ~ NOTHING SMALL ABOUT HIM. "A good fellow, eh?” "You bet he is! Why, he'll buy seven loafers a round of drinks any day, no j matter how badly his children need j shoes.” DEFINED. "Pa, what is a misogynist?” # "A misogynist, son, Is a man who would rather stay out in the rain than seek shelter where there is a woman.” O'ERCOME. "Oh, yes, I can drink or let it alone,” Was Topper's remark. That night in his face a cop's lantern shone— He woke in the park. A LOW MUTTERING. "Father has retired to h1s den. That's the only place In the house where he can do any talking.” «••••••••••••«•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••■ “To whom does he talk?” “Why, he talks to himself.” FATHER. The time has come for father dear To hand out stacks of shekels That sister Ann may scorch her ear \ And deck her nose With freckles. —Youngstown Telegram. The time has come for father dear To be real good and kind. , While? wlfie dear vacatlonates lie has to stay behind. —Grand Rapids Press. The time has come for father dear 1 To move the world to pity; I Just ns his ante's drawing near He has to feed the kitty. —Houston Post. The time has come for father dear To feel great perturbation; ’ Ma s coming back, the house torn up Will need an explanation. NARROW. t “The trouble with you, BtfPels, is that «v jou don’t live within your income.” “Good heavens! If I lived within my in come I couldn’t breathe.” » EASY EXIT. "Father's in the library. Speak to him there, Arthur." • > "I’m glad he's In the library, darling.” ' "Why so?" "The windows are, wide and close to th# ground." A SUBTERFUGE. One time there was a druggist who Old not sell soda water; He very rarely had a call \ From anybody's daughter. Maids bought their paint and powder, too, From rivals down the street; The fount, you see, was their excuse Whene'er they chanced to meet Young men to whom they did not wish I Their seerets to be known, Particularly that the bloom They wore was not their own. PAUL COOK. ..... THE LITTLE WHITE VICTIM V Walt Mason In the Kansas City Star. WE really should be thankful that we live in these enlightened times, when our lives cannot easily be sworn away In the courts, when medical men know something of medicine and "hanging judges” are few and far between. A few weeks ago some merry plcnlcers in a western town refreshed themselves with ice cream and shortly afterward they were tying themselves in sailors’ knots, and several narrowly es caped death. The learned physicians w ho were summoned said -that ptomaine pois oning was responsible and nobody was hanged. Had that occurred a hundred years ago, the doctors would have said that arsenic was the cause of the calamity, and the officers of the law would have gone hunting for the poisoner; then woe be tide anybody who was known to have a grudge against any of the sufferers! How many innocent people, accused of poison ing. have been legally butchered will never be known until the roll Is called up yonder, but their name is legion. Among these sacrifices to medical ignor ance and stupidity, as well as to the! blood-thirsty rapacity of prosecuting law- I yers. none ever gained the public ays-] pathy to such a degree as did Elizabeth! Penning, who suffered on the tireless' British gallows neafly 100 years ago. Pur a long time her name was a house- 1 hold word in England. When she was' sentenced to death some of the greatest1 and most famous men in the country ex- j erted themselves in her behalf; poets j wrote verses about her; men of high! standing circulated petitions; the plain j people held mass meetings and passed j resolutions; but all in vain. The British j idea of justice, loo years ago, was that j it is better to hang a hundred innocent! people than to let one guilty person es- f cape. Elizabeth Penning was the daughter of! poor but worthy parent*, and she grew up with the knowledge that she would have to work for her living. Being a sensible girl, she determined to excel In her humble calling, so she became an ex cellent cook. At odd times she studied diligently und gained a general educa tion that was unusual In one of her sta tion. She was pretty, modest and self re penting, am. made a good impression ev erywhere. On an evil day she accepted a port folio as cook in the family of Robert Gregson Turner, a l-ondon stationer. Turner’s father lived with him, and also two or three clerks. Mrs. Turner was one j of those imperious. Queen Elizabett^ sort of women who were more numerous— than kheaven!—a century ago than they are now. She looked upon her servants and handmaidens as being a trifle less than human, and always was reading ths thank heaven!—a century ago then they a burden. She rebuked Elizabeth for im aginary offenses. The girl, who did her work conscientiously, was more used to praise than criticism, and Mrs. Turner's lecture wounded her deeply. Elizabeth was a good cook, and she took special pride in her apple dumpling*. She felt that when it came to qpple dumplings she could please the crowned heads, and upon Several occasions she asked Mrs. Turner's permission to pre pare these delicacies. The old girl al ways vetoed this proposition, saying that her folks didn't care three whoops for dumplings. At last the girl got permis sion to dish up some of her celebrated dumplings, so she secured some yeast from the brewer and some milk from the milkman, and went ahead. Perhaps she was nervous; perhaps she forgot to put in some necessary ingredients. However that may lie, the dumplings were a dis mal failure. They were ilat and heavy and off color, and Elizabeth, who was heart broken over it, wanted to throw them Into the alley, or give them to the deserving poor, but Mrs. Turner didn't like to see anything go to waste, so she had them served up. The members of the family ate some steak and potatoes, and then tackled the dumplings. After eating a small por tion, old Mr. Turner reared up and yelled, and bit a piece out of the back of his chair and then began* rolling around on the floor. Then Robert Greg son Turner gave a good Imitation of a contortionist, and presently Mrs. Turner and the clerks did some ground and lofty tumbling. Chirurgeons and apothecaries were summoned, and, of course, they de cided that the family had been poisoned with aresnic. And who but Elizabeth Penning could have administered the poison? Her guilt was manifest. So Elizabeth went to jail. ‘ ' A greut. mass of evidence waa lntr> • a. c" (iuced by the prosecution at the trial, and all of it was so trifling as to be absurd. Great stress, for Instance, was laid upon ^ the fact that Elizabeth had repeatedly uked permission to make apple dump lings. This was considered conclusive propf that she had contemplated thh crime a long time. It didn't occur to \ anybody that dumplings were not neces sary to the administering of arsenic. Had she been anxious to poison the Tur ners she had opportunities every day. Mrs. Turner testified at great length, and in every sentence showed her hatred of the girl. She testified that there had been a paper of arsenic in the drawer of the kitchen table, and when she rccov* Ited from her sickness she looked for the' puper, but it was gone. This made a l deep impression upon the jury and seemc-d to stick In their minds, to the exclusion of the story of one of the clerks, who swore that the package of arsenic had. < been missing before Elizabeth went to work for tlie Turners. It was taken for granted that arsenic had been used, be cause in I Ignorant doctor and a more Ignorant druggist said so. In after yea s an eminent British scientist wrote a pa-', per on this ease and demonstrated con clusively that the Turners were not iiof®**-, Oiled with arsenic, whatever caused the; sufferings. None of (lie symptoms >r f arsenical poisoning was present. < \ All evidence against the girl was freely ft admitted, but whenever a witness for ttfH defense was on the stand his evide^H, ,, was ruled out on one pretext or anotheir and the unfortunate girl was found guilty and sentenced to death. Had she been ,) convicted of making bad dumplings am»'' fined five shillings there would be n*v cause for complaint, but the girl really • was hanged for making poor dumplings. Nobody outside the courtroom and theJ Turner family ever believed she wnsjjp poisoner. | Nothing could be more pitiful than the 1 fate of Elizabeth Penning. Such deter mined efforts were being made in h. . l ed*?* hair by great men and w^mon that seemed almost certain her sentence would be commuted. Hut all the efforts failed, and on the morning of July 26, 1815, she was told lo prepare herself for transla tion. She came from her cell wearing^ 1 white muslin dress and a snowy cap. Her pretty, gentle face was untroubled, her eyes undismayed. Hardened criminals and men accustomed to horrible scenes had tears on their cheeks while the ex- \ eeuttoner bound her hands. A distill- 'I guished citizen of Eondon, who had worked night and day to save her, stepped lip to her. sobbing, and salrl: "Tell me, Elizabeth, in the name of |, S and no gallows was ever put to a more barbarous use. Next day, and for several days there after. crowds collected In the street where ' the Turners lived, and bombarded the house with rocks, and it was a long time before any of the Turners could appear | In public with safety. Elizabeth's par- ' ients had bankrupted themselves trying to | secure Justice for her and a fund was raised for their relief and the fact that I the money for that fund came from all over Europe shows how Intense was the Indignation over the murder of this un fortunate girl. PROBLEM FOR VARDKMAV From the Louisville Courier-.forrita 1. Jack Johnson, who is sojourning in Lon don, Is quoted as saying that he lias many 4 American frtehds, but hopes to meet them In heaven. Mr. Vardamait of Mississippi will 110W think twlde before saying his prayers. ••GOODNIGHT AND GOOD-BV Frank L. Stanton, In the Atlanta Con stitution. L Sweetheart, the sunlight fades fast from the sky; Goodnight and good-by! Memory Is left in Ltfe's shadows to sigh; Goodnight und good-liy! Soryow is now the one Voice in the Night , Over the wild dreams that whispered "Delight." But sweet Is Love's fate, dear, though tears dim the night: Goodnight and good-by' II. Sweetheart, a crass unto all lives 1* given; Goodnight and good-dry! But tears from Love's eyes ar; as holy as heaven: Goodnight and good-by! Joy has been with us. and still thi light streams From a Star all undarkened—with beau tiful beam*; I love you forever—I kiss you in Ireani*; Goodnight and good-by! ■ •'S