The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], September 16, 1913, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. W. BARRETT.Editor
Entered at tlie Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1878.
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald , |8.00
Dally and Sunday per month ... .70
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A. J. Eaton, Jr., and O. E. Young are
the only authorized traveling repre
sentatives of The Age-Herald in Us
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manuscript will not be returned unless
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Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
Hot be responsible tor money sent
through the mails. Address.
THE AGE-HERALD,
<* Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 20/ Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to
80, Inclusive, Tribune building. New
York city; Western business
Tribune building. Chicago. The B. L.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents ior
eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exchange connectin* ail
departments). Mala 4900.
It Is nn honor ’lowing to our house,
Bequcntbed down from ninny uneemtors.
—All’s Well Thnt I'.nils Well.
Criticising Constantine
France is fuming over the recent
exchange of civilities between Emper
or William of Germany and King Con
stantine of Greece. It was not so much
what the Teutonic sovereign said to
the monarch of the Hellenes as what
the monarch of the Hellenes said to
the Teutonic sovereign that has called
forth the “mon dieus” and the “sacre
bleus” of the ever epithetic Gauls.
In conferring a field marshal’s baton
upon the King, the Kaiser remarked
that he did so with the more felicita
tion because the recent victories of the
Greek arms were due so greatly to
the fact that the corps, divisions, reg
iments, battalions and companies were
trained by Germans, and Constantine
politely replied, “certainly so,’’ or
words to that effect. Everything
jiassed off apparently with strict ac
cord to the etiquet of such occasions,
and little did the principal participants
reck of the darksom cloud they were
so unconsciously raising.
Now nearly every newspaper in
France has taken upon itself the duty
and privilege of informing Emperor
William and King Constantine that
. the Greek army of 1897—that army
which Constantine, then Crown Prince
and commander in chief, led with
celerity but monotony from one de
feat to another in the war with Tur
key—was the one trained and schooled
by German officers, while the recent
conquerors in Balkan battles are the
pupils of French tacticians and the
users of French implements of slaugh
ter exclusively.
Field Marshal Von der Goltz, a
Prussian, trained the Greek army of
1897, an army that the Turk whipped
as often as he could catch it. The
Greek army of today is the product of
a French mission under General
Eydoux, and has been drilled in ac
cordance with French tactics and
equipped with French artillery. Fur
thermore, General Eydoux has been
re-engaged by King Constantine to
continue for another period of two
years the education and organization
of the Greek army.
Possibly Kaiser William for the mo
ment had forgotten these facts. If so,
he can well be excused for his little
pleasant patriotism. Probably these
facts werg foremost in King Constan
tine’s mind when he murmured those
historic words, “certainly so.” Grant
even this, and Constantine likewise is
excusable. Would the French have had
him bluntly tell the Kaiser that he was
mixed in his dates? Often politeness
is responsible for failure to correct
such little inaccuracies as these.
Fusion for Primaries
With Gaynor on guard, Tammany's
I Hands were kept out of Father Knick
I erbocker’s pockets .for the last five
years, but the war between Sulzer and
1 Murphy and the preliminary successes
\ of the latter have called attention to
i the fact that the Tiger is entrenched
’ \ at the state capitol as probably never
before. Sulzer and Tammany first split
on the question of direct primaries,
and the temporary humbling of the
governor has not deverted the minds
of upstate New Yorkers from the mat
ter of election legislation of a pro
gressive nature.
Reports from 76 of the upstate as
sembly districts indicate that public
sentiment is strongly asserting itself
in favor of the election of a legislature
in November pledged to a state-wide
direct primary law and other progres
sive measures.
In 43 of these’ districts the republi
cans, progressives and democrats have
designated candidates to be voted for
at the primary Tuesday. Democrats
and progressives have fused in 22 and
republicans and progressives in 11.
. In nearly every instance, correspond
( ents state, fusion was brought about
by S determination to defeat assembly
men who had voted against direct
A
nominations or who had voted for the
impeachment of Governor Sulzer.
The Tiger was compelled to show
its claws in its fight with Sulzer. The
governor failed to measure to the
stature he had pretended. He is done
for forever as a political figure, but
his fall may indirectly give New \ork
reforms for which it has long con
tended. ____
Ward and the Auditorium
George B. Ward was ah easy win
ner in yesterday’s election, and so
was the auditorium proposition.
Ward received a majority of all the
votes cast and that makes him presi
dent of the city commission in suc
cession to President Exum, whose
term expires in November. The other
candidates, Vassar L. Allen and
Clement R. Wood, were not as far
apart in their strength as had been
generally thought. They came out,
indeed, very close together.
It was confidently felt that Mr.
Ward would be Mr. Exum’s successor,
but had he led with only a plurality
vote a “run over” election would have
been necessary. As it itf the contest
is ended and the city is to be con
gratulated upon the result.
Mr. Ward is finely equipped for the
commissionership. He served two
terms as mayor and no city executive
up to his time had been confronted
with problems quite so complex or
vexatious. He was on the firing line
much of the time and his courage,
sound common sense and high in
tegrity made him singularly strong
with the people. He is a man of wide
business experience as well as munici
pal experience, and that he will make
an admirable record in the city com
mission goes without saying.
It was a great day’s work for Bir
mingham, for of almost equal im
portance to the commissionership was
the auditorium proposition. The vote
was largely in favor of a bond elec
tion to provide the greatly needed au
ditorium or convention hall. The get
together spirit was in evidence and
Birmingham strides forward.
Truly Rooseveltian
Colonel Roosevelt is back and busy.
He has taken up his job as chief en
gineer u>t' the universe just where he
left off when he went to see the Hopis
hop. He is dealing out interviews with
lavish abandon, and seems intently
trying to set aright any little thing
that might have gone awry during his
absence.
The colonel expresses sympathy for
Sulzer in his plight, but, with the as
sumption of an immaculacy grandilo
ouent yet glorious, advises the dis
graced governor to “make a clean
breast of it.” The sage of Oyster Bay
delivers a well merited eulogium upon
the life and deeds of the lamented
Gaynor, and generally indicates a de
sire to talk about anything the re
porters may happen to suggest. This
attitude is just a pose, of course.
When asked to explain the loss of
50 per cent of the progressive vote in
the recent Maine election, the colonel
responded with a silence almost as ear
splitting as is his usual loquacity. But
this was only to be expected. The pub
lic is coming to know its Roosevelt
fairly well.
The Sacrifice to Speed
“A member of the Brotherhood
of Trainmen is killed every seven
hours and 15 minutes and every nine
minutes a man is maimed,” says Wil
liam Lee, an officer of the order, and
he quotes interstate commerce com
mission' statistics to give emphasis to
his words.
“Too much pressure for speed,” is
what a committee of locomotive en
gineers told the management of the
New York, New Haven and Hartford
when asked to point out that road’s
trouble.
Electric and steam locomotive, aero
plane and automobile, each is driven
at its capacity. It is the demand of the
public. The cry for “haste, haste,”
| has come down with time. The fastest
stage coach was the one which did the
most business. The most rapid railroad
trains now haul the most passengers.
What though the rails are wet with
the blood of victims, the hospitals
filled with the maimed and mangled,
the cemeteries crowded with the
I corpses of those who “were in a hur
ry?”
More speed!
Five flaws, it is charged, are to be found
hi the famous allegorical paintings in the
dome of the national capitol. These are:
One young girl with three hands; Indian
chief with six toes; flags on Columbus'
boat blowing three ways; Washington
shown where he wasn't; Blgning Declara
tion of Independence on wrong date. All
this may be so, but do these carping crit
ics realize that this is a prodigy among
nations, a commonwealth unlike any ever
known before?
"Toddling,” says Air. Bryan, "is sing
ing without words." and he goes on to
declure that he hasn't the slightest objec
tion to yoddlers appearing on the- pro
gramme with him at Chautauqua enter
tainments. Why should he? Mr. Bryan
sometimes speaks without thoughts.
It is higli time the Houston Post and
the Columbia State stopped bragging
about the watermelons their states raise.
Compared in size with the Alabama
product, the best either Texas or South
Carolina could dig up would look like a
maypop.
I Two thousand ^citizens of Colebrook, N.
! H., have petitioned the governor not to
give up Harry Thaw, and the fugitive
has been Informed of a “spontaneous
movement among his sympathizers to se
cure him scores of thousands of Signa
tures to similar pe titions in every county
of the state.” Those New Hampshire
counties must be considerably larger than
we had thought.
The Mobile newspapers say they are
glad Atlanta, won the pennant, which
leads the Houston Post to observe that
Just such statements as this cause many
people to say they do not believe what
they read in the newspapers.
Although you won't be present at the
$150,000 banquet to be given by tin? meat
packers at Chicago, you are given full
permission to get what consolation you
can out of the fact that you are helping
to pay for It.
It is reported that several western
hotels are going to abolish finger bowls
because they embarrass the guests. Be
sides, people who drink out of finger
bowls are taking a long chance with
germs. ^
Portuguese republicans should not
worry bec&cuse Emanuel continues to call
himself their king. It matters little what
a man calls himself, so long as he can
not deliver the goods.
The Prince of Monaco, whose diminu
tive realm contains Monte Carlo, disap
proves of gambling. He has had ample
opportunity of getting some first hand in
formation.
Irish suffragists looted confectionery
shops, which is a much more feminine
procedure than smashing windows or set
ting fire to churches.
Even the New York Herald now pro
fesses it is not hostile to President Wil
son. How the world does love a winner!
The Illinois congressman who has a
plan for the conservation of calves was
not led thereto by a study of spilt skirts.
President Yuan Shi Ivai protests that
he does not smoke opium. Yet he does
not deny that ne dreams of resigning.
“Mrs. H. Bramhall Gilbert leases costly
apartment,'’ says a two-column head in
the New York Herald. How thrilling!
Such Kansas crops as were not burned
up by the drouth are now threatened with
l>eing washed away in the flood.
New York’s latest murder mystery,
cleverly solved by detectives, would havo
stirred Edgar Allen Poe.
Japan demands of China apology, in
demnity and punishment for the Nanking
incident. Anything else?
The only solution seems to be for all ul
timate consumers to turn middle men.
A great deal of Mr. EaFollette’s prosy
preaching can now be forgiven.
i
NEGLIGENT ELEVATOR OPERATORS
From Power.
A favorite trick with many elevator op
erators is to depend upon the automatic
to stop the car at the top floor instead
of using the control lever. Usually it
works, but there are times when It does
not, and then there is a collision with
the overhead works and more or less se
rious damage is done.
The chief engineer having no author
ity over them cannot properly discipline
them w hen they are guilty of carelessness.
The janitor, knowing little or nothing
about machinery, cannot appreciate to
what extent his operators' carelessness
causes damage and makes unnecessary
work for the engineering department.
It is useless for any of the engineer
ing force to attempt to catch Operators
depending solely on the automatics by rid
ing with them to the top floors. They
do right when w^atched. Rut the
gent ones may easily be detected
serving the pilot valves and the governor
cables at the bottom of the shaft.
One company owning a group of office
buildings having a total of about 40 ele
vators has created an elevator depart
ment separate from the engineering de
partment. The head of this% department
is responsible for tlie operations of cars,
repairs of all elevator machinery ex
cept the pumps, and has charge over all
the operators. In a card s.v^Btem, each
operator has a card on which is record
ed the date and nature of every accident
to the car he was operating at the time
and whether or not lie was responsible
for the accident. Careful operators whose
habits are commendable receive more pay
than those who are less attentive to their
duties.
The results of the new system are in
deed gratifying. There Is no mofe fric
tion between the janitor and the chief
engineer or elevator foreman, and over
head collisions because of failing to stop
with the operating lever are vefy rare.
Similar systems might be adopted In
other office buildings, hotels, department
stores, etc., w’tth good results.
AND TIIEHE YOU HAVE IT
From the St. Paul Dispatch.
"Supposing.'' sold Mr. Meekton. “that
you were a voter."
“Well?” rejoined his wife.
"And supose I were a candidate.”
"You want to know whether I would
vote for you?”
"That was the question I had in mind.”
"Yes, Leonidas, I would vote for you.
But If 1 caught any other woman voting
for you I should consider their action
very forward and impertinent!”
POINTED PARAGRAPHS
From the Chicago News.
It Is unwise to trust the man who trust!
no one.
Love of money Is the root of much
matrimony.
A wrong mined woman makes a suc
cessful gossip.
A man hits a human target nearly ev
ery time he shouts off his mouth.
We feel sorry for the chap who Is
known only as nls wife's husband.
A little knowledge Is a dangerous thing
—if her small brother possesses it.
Most of us prefer friends who are close
mouthed rather than close fisted.
For every man who wants to borrow
trouble there are a hundred willing to
lend it.
Even the man who Is good only on Sun
days ma.v trianuge to keep his batting
average down.
Poor Eve must have found life awfully
monotonous with no other woman to
envy or be Jyalous of.
Some people who happen to dream of
giving away money think they are char.
itable and let it go at tllat.
Every wife imagine* her husband would
appreciate her more if he had to put up
with some other woman for about six
months.
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
ntiHlncMM Hecomlng Active \n«in
“The weeks between the middle of
August and the last of September are
usually dull in general trade,” said S.
1* Colton of Philadelphia. This Sep
tember has been no exception to the
rul«, but I believe business activity
will be resumed earlier than sipual. I
can see signs of it now.
think that by September 20 busi
ness will be brisk all along tne line.
October and November will be excep
tionally busy months. Taken altogeth
er, 1913 will go on record as a year of
decided prosperity.”
<»ood Telephone Service
“A year or so ago I had cause to
complain of our Bell telephone service,
but it gives me pleasure now to speak
in praise of It,” said the Rev. W. N.
Claybrooke.
“I think the Southern Bell Is giving
excellent service and as I had once
made complaint I thought it but just
to write a letter of commendation re
cently to Manager Turnbull. I do not
well see how the service could be bet
ter.”
Rapid Growth C'ontiuucM
"Birmingham continues to grow at
a rapid rate," said an observant cit
izen. "Its population is estimated now
at 175,000. This is a very conserva
tive estimate. I believe ISO.000 would
not be too much. When the school
census Is taken next year It will Indi
cate probably a population of 200,000.
"Under the head ‘Statistics of Cities’
in the last World’s Almanao, Birming
ham’s population was estimated at 150,
000. Atlanta's estimate was given at
225,000. The GeQrgia city may, like
Birmingham, grow rapidly but it has
not got up to 225,000 yet. I do not see
why local officials or Chambers of
Commerce exaggerate population fig
ures like that. Exaggeration does harm
in the long run. If Atlanta had 225,000
when the World’s Almanac figures were*
made up last fall it will soon get up
to the half million mark—on paper. If
Atlanta has a population of 250,000 in
1020 it will be doing well."
The Land Congress
"The programme for the Alabama Land
congress, which meets here early in No
vember, will soon be completed,” said a
member of the Chamber of Commerce.
"A number of men of national reputa
tion have already accepted invitations to
address the congress. Several railroad
presidents will attend and Secretary of
Agriculture David P. Houston has inti
mated his intention of taking part instils
meeting if his duties will permit him to
be absent from Washington at that time.
Mr. Underwood is almost certain to be
here.
"Of all the public gatherings held in
this state, the land congress will be of
I more practical benefit than any institu
tion or association of its kind fcnown in
; the south. It is to have a wide scope
and as these meetings are to take place
annually a large increase in Alabama's
population will be seen as a result when
the next census is taken.”
Now for the Amlitorfyni
"It would have been well had the city
commission submitted a direct audito
rium bond issue proposition in the reg
ular election held today,” said a tax
payer last night, "but it seems that one
of the commissioners wanted the public
to take the responsibility and declare
whether or not on election on the bond
Issue should be ordered. Now that it is
seen that the people are strongly in fa
vor of the city building an auditorium
n<5t exceeding $200,000 in cost, the voters
will soon he called upon to express
themselves on the same issue again.
There should -be no sort of doubt as to
the final outcome.
“The question of a site has not yet
been formally discussed. Many persons
whom I have heard refer to the audito
rium say that CapUol park would be the
best place for It. Capitol park is my
preference. The center of the park would
be an id^al site. Ample room would still
be left for park purposes.”
Made (irent Koine
“I believe I have discovered the prize
snorer,” said Jerome Cohen yesterday.
‘‘I went down home for a few days
no^long ago and when returning had
to catch a train in the early morning
hours.
"I was walking along cherrily
enough when I was startled by a ter
rific noise that seemed almost to shake
the pavement. I stopped and looked
around, endeavoring to ascertain the
source of the disturbance. In this I
was unsuccessful. Puzzled. I proceeded
on my way. As I approached the next
street the sound grew in volume. It
is hard to describe it, but as near as
[i can stay it was like a big saw rip
ring through a resinous pino log. It
would start away up in 'C and come
I down by starts and jerks to basso.
"At length I located the sound. II
! w'as emanating from a house across the
I street. I stopped and listened for at
I least five minutes, but ijhere was no
' sign of a *let up.’ At length it dawned
on me that it was the sound of a man
snoring and believe me he was ‘some
j snorer.'
"I failed to see how anyone could
sleep In the same block Wfith him, but
there was no sign of any riot or call
for the police.
"When I returned to Birmingham I
happened to mention my experience in
a letter to my father. Irmpcdiately
without further - details he recognized
who the sleeper was. He informed me
that it was reliably reported that the
man's wife was forced to sleep in the
daytime while her husband was at
work, as it was an impossibility for he*
to do so while he was in the noitso
and asleep.”
May Adopt Similar Ordinance
“A prominent Philadelphia merchant,
Raphael Levy, lias written to W. R.
Rawson in Birmingham asking for a
copy of an ordinance adopted by our
city commission to provide for a re
port to be made to the police depart
ment by all persons, firms or corpora
tions moving from one place of abode
to another, etc.,” said a w£ll known
advertising agent.
"The ordinance in question provides
against the owners of property refus
ing to give or giving fictitious names
and a fine for violation is provided.
This ordinance was adopted last March
and it will prove serviceable. It is a
compliment to Birmingham that Phil
adelphia is to follow Its example.”
APPEALS TO RICH WOMEN
Kate Upson Clarke, In Leslie's.
A correspondent sends us these Juicy
bits from the correspondence of one of
our wealthiest and most charitable la
dles:
One writes: “You are far above me in
a social and monetary way, but I fly to
thee for aid. I wculd like to go visiting
and would like some close (clotttes) or a
hat. One that comes over the face is
more becoming to me.”
Others are: "I have a moral character
and soine think I am very bright. I am
blessed with many friends who will testify
to my ladyship.”
“For a long time I have wanted to feel
the pleasure of being even with the world,
and \5flien I saw your picture in the pa
per, your eyes seemed to look into mine
and say, T will help you if you will ask
me»”
“I have long been looking for a person
to whom I could make my wants known.
Little I ask—some stationery, a good
timepiece, one pair of spectacles (good,
strong lense) or the exchange of a rail
way pass for a good parrot!”
“I have sometimes wished that God
would give me some money to start me in
the chicken business. Perhaps he would
start me in the business to sell teh pure
food of horseradish.”
“I am a bachelor maid of 62 and have
to look out for myself, as I have neither
pa nor ma. Think over this letter, ami |
don’t disappoint nu. Your loving friend.” j
These letters are plainly from ignorant
people, and ’ probably somewhat weak
minded. in fact, it is almost an infalli
ble sign of weak mipdedness to send
any sort of an appeal for personal help
to the very rich.
SECRECY A LOST ART
From tho American Machinist.
To keop the other fellow from know
ing what we are doing is a job compared
to which the lady who tried to sweep
back the ocean had a sinecure.
Secrecy is a lost art, says the editor
of the American Machinist.
It is useless to go over the arguments,
real or alleged, for no matter what we
may think about it personally, secrecy, j
at the present time, is as impossible in i
most shops as the fourth dimension. There
is a lot of good energy wasted in at
tempting to preserve secrecy in the
shop, and this is doubly •true of the
machine after it is on the market. A
recent occurrence showed the way in
which salesmen lose their heads, and
incidentally customers. A visitor to an
exhibition evinced considerable interest
in the machines shown, and asked a
number of leading questions. Knowing
the attitude df the average "salesmen he
declined to give Jiis name. It was soon
discovered that he was a designer for a
lar$e machine builder with the result that
he was promptly invited to go elsew’here.
It so happened that the manager was
broad and level headed and he proceeded
to show the salesman the shortsighted
ness of his policy. He explained how
foolish It was to try to hide anything
about a machine which was on the mar
ket and could be seen, studied and even
measured in a dozen shops; how if the
competitor really wanted to know', he
would buy a machine and take it* apart
as is often done. He tried to make clear
the utter foolishness of attempted secrecy
and the advantage of an interchange of
ideas; how none of the best shops had
anything to hide except new machines
which were under development, and that
they never hesitated at taking anyone
through the shop, not even a competitor.
If a machine will not bear the inspec-,
tlon and criticism of competitors it had
better never see the light of day, as they
will find its weak spots anyhow, and not
forget to mention them either. Secrecy
in tho great majority of cases is unwar
ranted, unsuccessful and goes hand in
hand with inefficiency. Those who fear
that others will steal their ideas seldom
! have anything which the really uptodate
shop can use. And many devices which
are now jealously guarded were long ago
abandoned by others.
LIONS DANGEROUS
Theodore Roosevelt in Scribner’s Maga
zine.
Taking the average of individuals and
the average of surrounding circum
stances, I consider the lion more danger
ous to the hunter than any other game.
The leopard is an even greater adept
at hiding, is even quicker and more reck
less In Its charge, and is smaller and
more diffioult to hit, therefore I con
sider that a lighting leopard is a trifle
more likely than a lion to get home when
It charges, but it is so much smaller
and less powerful that it la far less likely
to kill its antagonist—very few hunters
have been killed, although many have
been mauled, by leopards—and a few good
dogs will not only stop, but themselves
kill a leopard, so that with dogs it can
be hunted with entire impunity.
Under many, perhaps most, conditions,
a fighting bull buffalo offers a rather
harder proposition than a fighting lion,
because the huge, massive creature it
' far more difficult to stop when he does
j charge, and because he usually shows
the most vindictive and ferocious resolu
I tion when, after being wounded, he finally
makes up his mind to fight, but under
ordinary circumstances a buffalo is not
nearly as apt to charge as‘a lion, and
is far more easily seen and far less quick
in his movements, and in most cover is
l more easily evaded: so that bn an aver
age I do not consider th^t tty buffalo
Is as dangerous.
Elephant^ are much more apt to
charge than buffalo. A herd will charg*
under circumstances when$ even lions
would slink qu'.etiy off, and in conse
quence to hunt them seems to me about
as dangerous as to hunt buffalo, but the
actual charge of a single elephant does
| not seem as dangerous as the actual
I charge of a lion or buffalo.
The rhinoceros I regard as on the aver
age much less dangerous than lion, leo
pard, elephant or buffalo. In fact, as
only about as dangerous as. or very' lit
tle more dangerous than, the grizzly bear.
But it must be remembered that these
are only my personal views, and while I
believe that they are shared by the ma
jority of the big game hunters most com
petent to speak on the subject, I am well
aware that many equally' experienced and
observing hunters are on record as ex
pressing widely different views.
AN ENGLISH INNOVATION
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
An unhappy precedent has been estab
lished in England. A critical person at
tended a performance at a theatre. He
hissed. He was thrown out.
Did he taka hts medicine in a chas
tened spirit? He did not. He sued the
theatre for damages. The defenso set up
the argument that he created a disturb
ance by htssirtf.
"Wliy hiss!" Inquired the judge sibi
iantly.
“Tlje song was vulgar and silly dog
gerel," the plaintiff replied.
Whereup the judge gave him 1250 dam
ages.
Who can toil where this will end? If
all the vulgar and silly songs are hissed,
and all the' coarse dances are hissed, to
say nothing of the bad plays and the b’ad
acting, the uproar of the geese that saved
Rome would be as nothing compared to it.
That spunky Englishman has set a de
cidedly bad example.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
A LITIGANT.
The saddest man
We ever saw
Was one who’d apent
Some years at law.
Where “legal lights”
Contrived to squeeze
Him just as dry
As any cheese.
Without a sign
Of progress made,
To show for all
The coin he’d paid.
Dogberry said,
“The law’s an ass.”
This man thought much
The same, alas.
OBVIOUS.
“The first time I ever saw him I knew !
we would not bo friends."
“Why so?"
“\Vell, to tell the truth, he was sliak- i
ing his fist at me." , j
NOT SINCERE.
"Dobbs seems to have a great deal of
confidence In you.”
"Yes .apparently he has great confidence
in me, but I fear it is the sort of confi
dence a haberdasher has in a pair of sus
penders that he is very anxious to sell.”
POOR AT THAT.
"I understand he left a very large es
tate."
"It was rather large when inflated.”
"What do you meanf"
"All he possessed in the world was a
balloon."
, WORTH REMEMBERING.
A nip too much
Will now and then
Play havoc with
The strongest men.
NOT ON THE PROGRAMME.
“Did the circus have a wild man?”
"None was advertised, but a fellow got
short-changed and he was as wild as
anybody I ever saw.”
AMBITION.
I used to think if I could be *
A tight-rope walker I'd be glad,
But if I were compelled today
To earn my bread in such a way
I'm sure that I’d be mighty sad.
—Chicago Record-Herald.
m
In days of old I used to wish
A police bluecoat I could be;
But since bay windows they've cut out N
And petty graft raises a shout.
My own job’s good enough for me.
—Baltimore News.
I used to wish that I might be
The chauffeur of a fancy car;
But when I had grown big enough
To climb onto a car and chutf
Cars were not born, lyid there you are,
—Houston Post.
I used to wish that I could be I
A sailor on tile ocean wide.
But mal de mer soon changed my mind.
I left that youthful dream behind
And gladly on the land abide.
GHEATHY PRIZED.
When labor's very
Hard to get,
* ’the hired man Js
A pampered pet.
BUT HE WON’T.
"Doppel has turned reformer. He says
he wants to do something for his fellow
man."
"I dare say he could do something for
his fellow man that would be greatly ap
preciated." j
• “And what is that?’’
“He could keep quiet."
A VERY SAD CASE.
"Gaddersly might *iave been a success
in life, but for one tiling.”
"And what is that?”
"A mistaken Impression lie has held
for many years that his presence adds
dignity to a street corner.”
PAUL COOK.
REGARDING BIG POLITICS
Alexandria, Va., Correspondence In the
New York Sun.
HE mechanism of the House Itself
is giving trouble. Despotism is a
terrible thing when the other fel-'
lows choose the despot. So Cannonlsm
was dreadful to democrats. But the
democrats have been obliged to do some
regulating even in their own family. The
end of this is not yet. Mr. Underwood’®
popularity and mental superiority—which
Is freely acknowledged by most of bis
colleagues—his tact and his sincerity
Imve contributed more to the majority’s
good conduct than any amendments of
rtffc rules could. When he withdraws a
new leader must toe got. and_no man of
Mr. Underwood's capacity is in sight.
And Mr. Underwood is going. The
Senate attracts him. His state needs him
there, for Alabama has no other public
man of his qualifications for the office.
His term will be six years, against two
in the House, and while the popular
election of senators may make an ac
tive canvass for re-election necessary,
and it must cover the state, g represent
ative must make three canvasses of bis
district in the same period, cadi involv
ing about as much labor—all that a man
can put Into it.
Yet it must not be supposed that Mr.
Underwood or any senator looks forward
to a pleasant time in that distinguished
diamber. Only with its official procla
mation did the full significance of the
constitutional amendment providing for
the popular election of senators force
Itself on the fortunate members of the
smaller body. . They are learning now
that with state-wide campaigns to mako
the importance of executive support to
their political preservation lias greatly
increased. Only the most exceptional
man, a man like Mr. Underwood, among
today's statesmen could hope for success
without the friendship, or at least neu
trality, of the President. The average
senator would he destroyed by one out
giving of executive displeasure. No en
actment of recent years has done more
to increase the importance of the ex
ecutive at the cost of the Congress than
has this amendment.
In the Senate Mr. Underwood would
be as well off witli Yegard to his future
as in the House. His term would ex
tend beyond 191fi. He would not he In a
less advantageous position with regard
to Secretary Bryan than he now is. Mr.
Underwood does not like Mr. Bryan. Mr.
Bryan charged him with grosa miscon
duct in office—with allowing, his private
financial affairs to Influence his conduct
as a representative. This charge fell
heavy on Mr. Underwood's honor. Ho
resented and repelled it successfully. The
manner of his self defense aroused in ,
Mr. Bryan every atom of distaste that
smiling chautauquan is capable of—a
measure not small. Mr. Bryan particu
larly disliked the experience of being
proved, out of the mouths of his own
friends, a reckless misstater of facts and
the further humiliating circumstance that
Mr. Underwood so defended himself as
to make any defense of Mr. Bryan ini
possible. The gentleman now busy be
neath the big top has neither forgotten
nor forgiven Mr. Underwood.
I.VVENDEH
F’rom the London Globe.
Just within and just without the con
iines of London town the cry. the happy
cry. is heard In the early autumn or
Sweet Lavender:
"Sixteen good bunches a penny! Bloom
ing Lavender!
Blooming Lavender!
Who'll buy sixteen good bunches a
penny? Blooming Lavender!
Lav—en—dor."
That is the real cry. although instead
ot bunches the gypsy folk say “branches.”
The rail is as old as the hills and older,
and it Is intoned to one of the most
haunting- musical refrains that ever street
Arab listened to. Some of the itinerants
cut the stanza short, but the majority
give it In the proper form. To the house
wife the cry Is always welcome as It
portends sweet smelling linen.
But whence gtomes the fascinating mel
ody? The present writer obtained the
words and the music from an old woman
gatherer at Mitcham, In Surrey, hard by
where the fair is annually held, and
where there were acres and acres of the
plant grown, and, Indeed, where most of
the lavender used to come from for the
London market.
Shakesp tore 3peuks familiarly of it,
and so do his contemporaries^ and in the
tim eof Elizabeth there were certainly
time of Elizabeth there were certainly
plant grown in the ^ell cultivated gar
dens of the day; while in the fields It
grew in profusion.
The word comes from the Latin, lavare,
to wash, pnd anciently it was used in
bathing and washing, because of its
strong aromatic effulgence. Naturally its
wholesome smell, always suggestive of
cleanliness, gave It large appeal to the
matron and mistress of household and
cottage, and it was so exquisitely fra
grant that it at once found ^avor ns a
menu to no encouraged in tne linen chest
and the wardrobe cf all. The old custom
of making lavender bags still exists.
This practice is of great antiquity and an
tedates the discovery of distillation by a
considerable period. Shenstone says:
"Lavender, whose spikes of nzure bloom.
Shall be, erewhile in arid bunches
bound,
To work amidst the labor of her loom,
And crown her kerchiefs clean with
mickle rare perfume.
Our grandmothers used to make bas
kets of lavender stalks. Another way,
and simpler, for a lavender scent bag is
as follows: Take of the lavender flower,
free from stalk, half a pound; dried
thyme and mint, of each half an ounce;
ground cloves and caraway, of each a
quarter of an ounce; common salt, dried,
one ounce; mix the whole well together,
and put the product into silk or cambric
bags. In this way it will perfume the
Unen chests very completely.
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. ( V1'
TIP TO THE AMBITIOUS
From the Washington Star.
l.ouis J. Horwitz, the skyscraper ^
builder, who in 20 years has risen from
a position of $3 a week to one of $100,0 K)
a year, was talking about success.
“1 go to bed at 9 o'clock,” he said, ♦and
I get up at 5 o’clock. I play a little, but
my play is exercise to keep me in good
trim for my office X play to work—as
other l^ien work to play.”
Mr. Horwitz mused a moment; V*en
in his terse, epigrammatic way he said,
shaking his dead:
“Success demands sacrifice! Two men
set out to achieve fame. One succeeded^
The other lived.’’
DIMPI.ES made to order
From the Ijondm Globe.
One of the* latest things the beauty
specialist of jMctyfoir undertakes to do is
to manufacture a dimple. The fasinating
addition costs anything from ten guinea*
upward for the ‘ permanent” feature, lor
it appears the transitory dimple can be
supplied for a guinea or so, ^>ut this will
not stay in evidence for more than a
week! The other one is a somewhat more
serious matter, for it means removing a
small portion of the flesh, which has to V
be done by a dimple maker, who is a sur
geon to boot.
K.M)VJHO\ *
By Oscar Wilde.
The apple trees are hung with geld,
And birds are loud lit Arcady,
The sheep lie bleating In the told, '?• ■ '
The wild goat runs across the wold,
But yesterday liis love he told,
I know he will come back to me.
O rising moon! O lady moon!
Be you my lover’s sentinel.
You cannot choose but know him well,
For he Is shod with purple shoon,
You cannot choose but know,my love, 1
For ho a shepherd’s crook doth bear.
And he Is soft os any dove,
And brown and curly Is his hair.
The turtle dove lias ceased to call
Upon her crimson-footed groom, ,
The gray wolf prowls about the stall,
The lily’s singing sensechal
Sleeps in the lily bell and all ’
The violet hills are lost in gloom,
O risen moon! O holy moon!
Stand on the top of Hellce, a
And If my own true love you see, \
Ah! If you see the purpleTshoon,
The hazel crook, the lad’s brown hair,
The goatskin wrapped about his arm,
Tell him that I am waiting where
The rushlight glimmers in the farm.
The falling dew Is cold and chill,
And no birds sing in Arcad£,
The little fauns have left the hill.
Even the fired daffodil
Has closed Its gilded doors and still
My lover comes not back to me.
False moon! False moon! O waning
moon! *
Where is my own true lover gone,
Where are the lips vermilion,
The shepherd's crook, the purple shoon?
Why spread that silver pavilion.
Why wear that veil of drifting mist?
O! thou hast young Endymlon,
Tbou hast the lipi that should be 'Tlrnnt .^
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