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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, September 21, 1913, EDITORIAL SECTION, Image 28

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. \V. BA11HETT..Editor
• Entered at the Birmingham, Ala .
postoffice as seoond class matter under
act of Congress March 3. 1879.
Dally and Sunday Age-Herald . IS.00
Daily and Sunday per month ... .HI
Daily and Sunday, three months.. Z.ou
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum .. .*•«
Sunday Age-Herald . 2,uu
A. J. Eaton, Jr., and O. E. Young are
the only authorized traveling repre
sentatives of The Age-Herald in *l»
circulation department
No communication will l>e published
without its author's name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible ft>r money sent
through the mails. Address.
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau. 207 Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, A Henrietta street.
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office. Rooms A* to
•0. Inclusive, Tribune building. New
York city; Western business office.
Tribune building, Chicago. The B. t~
Beckwith 8pecial Agency, agents xor
•lgn advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exchange coexeettas all
departmeata). Mala AMO,
Not yet oa anauaer’e death, aor on the
birth
Ot trembling winter.
—Winter'. Tnle.
xr .1- . ■ jL
Southern Labor Congress
The Southern Labor congress will
hold its next annual session in Bir
mingham. This body is composed of
representatives of unions affiliated
with the American Federation of
Labor in 12 states of the south. Its
second annual convention has just
been concluded in Nashville. Since its
first meeting, in Atlanta in 1912, a
splendid growth has been recorded,
•nd this is expected to continue, and
no doubt several hundred delegates
will be named to attend the meeting
to be held here next year.
Delegate Lovinggood led the fight
for Birmingham at the Nashville
gathering, and won by a safe margin
over Little Rock and Jacksonville. One
of his best arguments was that Bir
mingham is going to build a commodi
ous and convenient auditorium for the
use of large conventions, and that the
delegates could be assured of accom
modations that no oilier city could
surpass.
Thus already is snown uie spienuiu
advertising Birmingham will get from
-its auditorium. A place to care for
large conventions will make it cer
tain that many will favor this city as
a meeting place. Birmingham’s rail
road facilities make it the logical
- point for southern gatherings, and
the building of an auditorium will re
move that handicap under which the
city has labored in the past.
Mr. Bryan and the Big Tent
William J. Bryan persists in lectur
ing wherever and whenever oppor
tunity and a generous check call. Crit
icism of the Secretary of Strife grows
fiercer and more frequent. He has
given evidence that he is annoyed by
the flood of uncomplimentary com
ments he ia causing, but he has not
indicated that he intends to abandon
the lecture platform.
The Age-Herald has hitherto re
~"marked the undignified attitute in
which Mr. Bryan has placed himself.
Yet it cannot agree that his excur
sions around the country, even though
he does appear upon the same pro
gramme with acrobats, jugglers and
yodlers, ia a national scandal. Mr.
Bryan himself is no merry andrew.
He takes himself seriously.
He believee Intensely that his lec
tures make for a cleaner, nobler life,
and those who have read or heai^
them must admit that he preaches the
doctrine of a higher, broader citizen
ship. He profits financially by theii
delivery, and this he has tried to jus
tify by the assertion that his salary
as Secretary of State is insufficient
to support himself and his family i*)
the manner to which they have beer
accustomed.
In speaking of the chautauqua en
tertainment at Staunton, Va., birth
ptaefe of President Wilson, a dispatch
to an eastern newspaper says:
Bizarre though his surroundings
were, incongruous, cheap, blatant—
Bryan by sheer force of his personally
and the apparent sincerity that is a
characteristic of him, lifted the occa
*ion to a plane of dignity. He took the
matter seriously, and soon his serious
ness infected his hearers, some ol
whom had come in a patronizing spirit
their vanity tickled at the idea of be
ing amused by so great a dignitary at
the cost of 50 cents apiece.
The Mew York World printed the
following in two-column measure with
large black type upon its front page
William J. Bryan’s salary as Secre
tary of State is $12,000 a year. He has
justified his activities as a lecturer b;
the statement that to meet his ordi
nary expenses without encroaching
upon his personal fortune he must havt
an Income of not less than $^0,000 f
year. He is willing to forego accumu
lation during his period of public, ser
vice, but he resents the Idea that then
should be any sacrifice on his par
while he Is honored by high officia
preferment
The World assumes that the crux o
this question is, therefore, the sum o
$$000 a year. Mindful of many thing
In the proposition that It hereby make.*
notably the dignity of the America]
government, the circumspect behavio:
of its principal officers and the suceesi
Pt the adminj^*atlon of Woodrow Wii
I son, all of which have been given the
i most sober attention, it modestly
I makes this suggestion to Mr. Bryan:
If you will devote your entire time
to the duties of your office and refrain
during your tenure from lectures or
other addresses at which admission
fees are charged, the World will pay
you on behalf of the American people
regularly during your incumbency of
the office of Secretary of State the
sum of $8000 a year, with no obligation
on your part except to observe the one
condition herein expressed.
This must be looked upon as a play
to the galleries by the World. Mr.
Bryan could not afford to accept the
offer, of course. To do so would create
a scandal compared with which the
present ohe would be insignificant.
It is noticeable that the newspapers
which are loudest in their denuncia
tion are the ones which originally op
posed his becoming a member of the
cabinet, and which indeed have fought
him bitterly ever since he appeared in
political life. They maintain that the
state department in the hands of John
Bassett Moore and Woodrow Wilson
is safer, saner, soberer and stronger
than when Mr. Bryan is on the scene.
Then are these newspapers consistent
when they so severely deprecate his
frequent absences?
Murder Goes Unavenged
After six months of dilly-dallying,
the military court named by General
Huerta to investigate the death of
Francisco I. Madero and Jose Pino
Suarez has returned a verdict that the
president and vice president of Mexico
were killed in a lawful manner.
Madero and Suarez were slain after
their overthrow by Huerta and Felix
Diaz. Two stories of the affair were
circulated, one that they had at
tempted to escape and were shot
down, and the other that they were
slain in a melee following an effort
made to rescue them by a band of
their partisans. Neither story is be
lieved today.
Maj. Francisco Cardenas was in
command of the escort which was to
convey Madero and Suarez from the
palace to the penitentiary. He was the
chief witness before the military
court, and the findings were based
principally upon his evidence. Judges
and witnesses, all were Huerta par
tisans. The investigation itself was a
mockerv.
Perez Romero, a brother-in-law of
President Madero, declares that Ma
jor Cardenas has frequently boasted
that he himself killed Madero, and yet
he hatf never been taken into custody.
Senor Romero further says reliable
evidence goes to show that both Ma
dero and Suarez were murdered be
fore they ever left the palace, and
that the stories of flight or attempted
rescue were concocted only to clear
the skirts of those really guilty.
The verdict of the military court
will not strengthen Huerta. Rather it
will be considered as proof that the
provisional president himself is re
sponsible for the deaths of Madero
and Suarez.
The Purdue Tragedy
The death of young Obenchain puts
an end to the annual ‘‘tank scrap” at
Purdue university. The college au
thorities took quick action following
the tragedy, and the historic campus
battle will be held no more.
The fatality was caused in an un
usual manner, and was in no way due
to brutality. Obenchain and the rest
of his sophomore classmates wore
leather collars reinforced with metal
to protect their necks in the clash
with the freshmen. Obenchain was
afflicted with a goitre, and during the
exertion attending the fight his. neck
swelled to such an extent that he was
choked to death.
No one could be held responsible,
of course. Yet the fact that the tac
tics employed by the contending stu
dents were so rough that the sopho
mores deemed it wise to protect their
throats by artificial means is suf
ficient evidence of the strenuousness
of the “tank scrap.” The tragedy un
fortunately but necessarily will injure
Purdue in the minds of parents whc
have sons to educate, and the faculty
wisely decided that there should be
no more encounters of this character.
Charming Musical Reminiscences
Recent contributions to reminiscent
literature touching matters musical
include a sketch in the Saturday Even
ing Post by Clara Louise Kellog-Stra
kosch, who was the greatest Ameri
can prima donna 40 years ago and
later, and an article in the August
number of the Fortnightly Review by
Franklin Peterson, entitled “Heine or
Music and Musicians.”
Theatre-goers of the 70s will recall
with pleasure Clara Louise Kellog as
Marguerite in Gounod’s “Faust.” She
was well cultured both in mtlsic anc
in dramatic art and was esteemed as
an ideal Marguerite. She was the
. star in a grand opera company.man
aged by Max Maretzek. In New York
she was supported by a company
which bore her name with an orches
tra of 40 or 60, but on tour she
carried an orchestra of only 21 or 22
r which would be considered ridiculously
- inadequate now for a company ii
i which a great celebrity appeared.
Mrs. .Kellog-Strakosch says in he
' pleasantly and illuminatin)
i sketch that f T. 're so few Ameri
can musici/ , e started ou
Kinks, Mrs. T. ,.
\ V _ 'Jj- > .
as Marguerite that no one knew or
cared about the music. Neither was
Goethe's poem much read in this
country. “I had never been allowed,”
says Mrs. Kellog-Strakosch, ‘‘to read
the poem.’’ Her careful mother did
not permit her to read Goethe until it
had been determined that she would
take up a stage career and would
appear as Marguerite. “It is doubt
ful,” she said, "whether I entered
fully into the emotional or psychologi
cal grasp of the role. * * * Most
of the Marguerites I have seen make
her too sophisticated, too compli
cated. The moment they get off the
beaten path they go to extremes, like
Calve and Farrar. * * * Nilsson
was much the most attractive of all
the Marguerites I have ever seen.
Lucca was an absolute little devil in
the part.”
As has been suggested, the opera
“Faust” was as much of a novelty
in Clara Louise Kellog’s day as many
of the productions of extreme moderns
would be now.
In the "Heine” article in the Fort
nightly Review one finds many ex
amples of the convincing prose poet.
Heine was a great poet in verse, but
he was also one of the most brilliant
of prose writers. His essays were
artistic rhapsodies, “full of poetry and
the richest imagery.” But Heine’s
critical estimate of master composers
had little or no value. His distinct
charm in writing about great musi
cians was due to that fine dramatic
quality in the art of personal sketch
ing. This is how he describes
Paganini:
Every eye was directed to the stage.
At laet a dark figure appeared as if
from the nether world, the btack coat
badly cut, possibly after the fashion
which prevails at the court of Proserpina,
and black trousers, .loosely hung, nerv
ously flapped against the thin shanks.
His long arms seemed doubly long, as
with the violin In one hand, and the
lowered bow In the other, he almost
touched the ground In profound obeisance.
The contortions of his tedy were very
awkward, and almost provocative of
laughter, but bis countenance, which
seemed all the more death-like In the
hard glare of the footlights, had some
thing so beseeching, almost with the hu
mility of a half-witted creature, that a
shuddering pity repressed all desire to
laugh.
Persons interested in good music
and literature should look up the two
periodicals here referred to and read
Clara Louise Kellog-Strakosch’s
reminiscences and Franklin Peterson's
“Heine on Music and Musicians.”
Francis J. Ileney becomes a candidate
for United States Senator from California
with the statement “My hat is in the
ling.’’ thereby Indicating that he does not
consider the Colonel s fate as a hard and
fast precedent.
“Human lives are the most precious
tilings in the world," reads a placard of
the Pennsylvania railroad. Coroner
Spain's statistics will show that they are
not so considered in Jefferson county.
Mrs. Belmont declares that Mrs. Pank
liurst and her daughters made English
statesmen ridiculous. However, it all de
pends "on the point of view and in this
ease opinions differ.
Students of his character say that
Mayor Gaynor was misunOerstood. And
no wonder. The classics and particularly
P!pictetus are strange gods to tho latter
day politicians.
Just how Harry Thaw, though insane,
can be guilty of conspiracy Is one of the
nice little points of law which the courts
of New Hampshire and the United Skates
must decide.
Mr. Taft’s weight has been reduced SO
pounds since he left the presidential
chair, thus refuting the old adage "worry
and grow thin.”
Holland is To grant suffrage to women,
which should prevent tho Peace Palace
front ever being blown up with dyna
mite.
The French call Jack Johnson the "ter
rible black boxer." He lias been called
a great variety of names in this coun
try.
Mr. Murdock says the House debate
on the currency bill was a farce. He
took a leading part and ought to know.
Perhaps Sulser consoles himself with
the reflection that a bad beginning quite
often brings about a good ending.
h im a Laura Jean Libooy girl mar
ries a Jack London man domestic Infe
licity is almost certain to result.
The old-fashioned man who says "even
tuate" instead of "happen,’’ is still tv) be
found in the by-paths of life.

"Boys save New Haven train.” Some
thing which the management has so of
ten failed to accomplish.
The fall crop of poetry Is so light that
some editors may have trouble in start
ing tires tills winter.
The transfer of the Thaw case to the
New Hampshire eapitol has put discord
in Con-cord.
Mr. Sulser seems to have lost all in
terest In the impeachment proceedings.
TRAGEDIES TOLD IN HEADLINES
From the Chicago Tribune.
"Bought |30tl Worth of Fine Rugs;
Street in Front of House was Oiled Next
Day."
"Dresses Hastily, Before Daylight
Finds. "When on Train, He Is Wearing
Brown CoaL Purple Vest, and DarK
Green Trous’ers.”
"New Cook at Railway Hating House
I .oses Job; Had Carelessly Put Mine
1 Thgn One clam In the Chowder."
"Cat Comes Home from Neighbor')
. House with Shaved Tall; Two Lifelon,.
♦friends Become Enemies."
’ "Col. de Swells, on Vacation, Acciden
tally Gi’ts His Cigars Mixed; Is Unablv
to Distinguish Twerers from Twenty-flvi
1 Center*.” _
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Morrtii Avenue IIiihIiim* Good
“Business has been very brisk all this
week in our lines," said R. A. Wade of
Wade Bros. Produce Exchange. "We have
practically sold out on many commodi
ties and have been forced to refuse or
ders because we did not have the sup
plies. New' supplies will probably arrive
Monday, however, and an active trade
will doubtless be in evidence.
“The sharp rise in the price of Irish
potatoes Is duo to the fact that the Vir
ginia crop is exhausted and the crops
of the west—Colorado and Nevada—are
yet immature. It is my opinion that the
western crop will have the effect of low
ering the market and within the next
three weeks I expect to see the price of
Irish potatoes hovering around 90 cents
and $1.”
Well PI cawed With Lord Haldane
“The meeting of ^be American Bar as
sociation at Montreal recently was one
of the most interesting that I have at
tended,” said Z. T. Rudulph. “The at
tendance was large—about 1900—and many
distinguished lawj ers were present. While
several Alabama members of the Bar
association attended the Montreal meet
ing, Forney Johnson and myself were
the only Birmingham lawyers present.
“Viscount Haldane, lord high chancel
lor of Great Britain, who was the guest
of the American Bar association, and
who made an illuminating address, was
very attractive In his •personality. He
is not what we would call a great ora
tor, but his enunciation is clear and every
idea he expresses is lucid. His manner
of speaking was convincing and one read
ily assessed him as a man of learning
and intellectual power. In personal con
versation Lord Haldane was as plain as
an old shoe and altogether charming.”
Cincinnati and Birmingham
“I was in Cincinnati last week and
found business In that progressive city
very brisk,” said Y. W. Williams, Ala
bama agent of the V. H. Jackson Cigar
company of Cincinnati. “The merchants
n.11 seemed optimistic and the outlook
for tpade the coming winter is very
good Indeed.
“The effects of the tariff bill have been
largely discounted in Cincinnati and busi
ness is going on just as if no mention
of tariff revision had been made.
“Cincinnati is a beautiful city. Stand
ing on top of Walnut hill and looking
south, one gets a view of beautiful houses
and the Ohio river. The park acreage
in that city is very large—which means
that it is much larger than Blrmtrffe
ham's.
“Birmingham has many beautiful parks
but It would be well if more space was
devoted to park purposes. The residence
sections here are rarely surpassed in any
city in this country of ours, and on High
land avenue, especially, is the landscape
effect beautiful. The scenery hereabouts
is enchanting. While Cincinnati is a
beautiful city Birmingham is hot far be
hind in many things and it should not
be many years before this city makes
an excellent showing In parks.
Mr. Williams has opened an office at
107 Twenty-fourth street and will make
that address his headquarters while in
Birmingham.
“Col. J. \V. DuBose'a Instructive and
entertaining articles which appear in The
Age-Herald under the general title of
Eight Governors of Alabama—1874-1901,’
are being widely read.’’ said a professional
man. *fThey are regarded as singularly
valuable contributions to Alabama his
tory.
“The printers sometimes make slips and
I am informed by Colonel DuBose him
self that in his article No. 61, which ap
peared In last Thursday’s Age-Herald,
lie wrote that the population of Birming
ham in 1884-85 was 30,060. (The printer
made it 90,000. The fact is that while
Birmingham and its environs had a pop
ulation at that time of 30,000 or more, the
population inside the city boundary lines
could not have been much over 10,000.
In 1880 the federal census credited this
city with a little more than 3000. In 1890
the city’s population had not reached 30,
000; in round numbers it was 26,000.
“In the same article the paragraph
about Thomas J. Judge should have read
‘son of justice of the supreme court of
that name.’ As Colonel DuBoke In refer
ring to these slips wittily remarked, ’Such
is history!’ “ #
Unsatisfactory Fishing Season
“The season for fishing, all In all, has
been the most unsatisfactory that I’ve
known of for many years,” said a lover of
the rod and reel.
“Of course, there nas been an occasional
good streak of luck, but not of late. It Is
largely due to the unusual season. In
the spring there was some very fair sport,
but as the summer canto on, with the ex
treme heat and many thunderstorms, the
bass seemd to take to deep water. Then,
the drouth caused a falling of streams to
low water mark; particularly did the long
dry weather affect still waters, and this
made a dead zone along the edges. When
showers came the bugs and other fish
food did not, as usual, fall Into the ponds,
but In most Instances landed in the
‘dead zone;’ the fish did not come to the
hanks to feed for this reason, for much
of the cover they seek when feeding was
In the dry, dead zone; flags, logs and
debris are yet well out of the water. Two
or three good rainfalls will give fine
sport, and these lonely September days
should enable the creel to be filled with
gcod catches. Bream will take worms
In deep water now, but they will come to
the shallower waters when the heavy
rainfalls raise them to the old bank lines,
and for the reasons stated."
To Draw Immigrants
“I noticed In the press dispatches a
few days ago that the Mississippi Val
ley Immigration association had been
formed to secure Immigrants from Ellis
Island for the states of Texas. Louis
iana, Mississippi, Alabama and Ten
nessee, and that this assoclAtion was
going to ask our commercial bodies
here to aid It," said a well known busi
ness man yesterday.
“Ighlnk the Alabama State lAnd con
gress has made all arrangements tc
go after those classes of Immigrant?
that Alabama needs most and If our
commercial bodies and business men
desire to co-operate with any organ
ization In that field It seems to' me that
the land congress should have t,he pref
erence over all others. As I ^understand
the policy of that organization. It will
have the railroads to aid It In going
after those farmers of the northwest
who are leaving the United States foi
(,'anada. These classes are already
American citizens, they have money
with which to buy homes and would
prove from the outset valuable acquisi
tions to Alabama, while those rlassc.
who come In through Ellis Island art
generally from most undeslraole sec
ttons of Europe.
“We are getting very few iminlgrsnti
from Ireland and practically none Iron
NED BRACE WRITES QF'PARIS AND THE ,
WONDERFUL WORK OF PARIS ORESSHAKERS'
□ARTS, September.—This Paris is
an odd and queer place of fixed
amusements and pleasures. It is
not, however, the Paris of twenty years
ago, when tlie fun was spontaneous and
absorbing—where wit and grace and
l eauty and even naughtiness bubbled a*
from a freshly tapped geyser. Now it’s
all planned and tlxed as per program
and expensively arranged for "fool Amer
icans” who think they are having a good
I time when t^ey go to the all night cafes
and pay fabulous prices for sandwiches
and bottles of, champagne merely to see
ancient female dancers cavort around in
gaudy costumes and perform antics which
would not bring applause at the Bijou
in Birmingham.
* * *
Right now Pari# fs filled with sight
seeing Americans and American women
in starch of clothes The latter arc in
teresting in tha^ they ere bo'-h who want
to buy for themselves and those who
are buying and copying for. commercial
purposes. Every good dressmaker in
America comes to Paris for styles. The
creators of styles have dressmakers day
for exhibiting their models, and require
each one who enters to agree to buy a
dress to cost $1*60 or more—usually $200.
Then they are permitted to see the living
models—pretty girls parading about the
great rooms in all manner of gown crea
tions. Anywhere from one hundred to
five hundred new gowns of all styles and
cuts and decorations are shown, each
worn by a living, walking woman. From
these. one select*. 'Then the dress fr*
made to fit the woman to wear it.
It’s the same way with hats.
* * ¥
Of curiosity, and of a family, I have
viewed about, so to speak, and from what
has been told me and I have seen, fully
a score of million dollars lias been paid
out in Paris within thirty days for fem
inine fancies in the way of dresses and
dross.
Even the New York and Chicago news
papers have their women writers here
to tell about the new dress creations in
their Sunday fashion supplements, and
some of these clever women writers get
as much for salary and expenses as do
the war correspondents. One of them who
wrote society notes for the Augusta
Chronicle when I was a reporter on It,
is writing such clever stuff of fashion
from here for a New York publication
that she is not only allowed salary and
expenses at the best hotels but, addi
tionally, sufficient for a complete outfit
of Parision gowns for the coming win
ter. If she had not said, “Hello Ed,” when
I met her on the Rue de la Palx, I
should have thought her Josephine, re
surrected.
But I must say for her that she Is a
genius out of the south, with more hard
common sense than a grey Georcia mule,
knowing how to write and how to tell
American women what is best to wear
at home from the gew gaws of Parisian
ultra fashions presented to them.
And, after r.U, that Is as much an art
and a science as is a display of states
manship by a politician. Bo a woman
not well gowned, neat and trim of :ar
ment man does uot respect nor ?-.mstd^r
her. Be shi well' groomec; the mail con
siders her and weighs her words and
she often becomes' creative of the
statesman and a factor in world gov
ernment. But In a Mother ltubbard she
seldom rises above the serfdom of the
household.
Not that a woman cannot do both—
for on the Siviss farms I have recently
seen the prettiest girls In blue skirts,
white panama hats decorated with blue
ribbon bands and bowrs raking hay, and
doing it as neatly and looking as clean,
as the girl toying with a flower bed in
a Highland avenue garden.
That's wfhy the Swiss are such a splen
did and clean people. The women by
their appearance and acts command the
respect of the men and inspire in them
an ambition which achieves results.
# * *
So the woman who teaches woman
I neatness without extravagance, elegance
1 without luxuriousness, is doing just as
good w'ork as the man who is teaching
government, and though these teachers
be women why are they not worth just
as much In salary as the man who writes
and trachea in man’s own particular
line? *
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
BUILDERS.
Sad is the fat© of the toiler
Who lias little love for his work,
If he sits in the seats of the mighty,
Or slaves for the hire of a clerk.
For the men who are moving the world oil
And making its dreams come true
Are those who are putting their hearts In
The work they are called on to do.
STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN.
“There used to be a young fellow In my
home town who set the local styles in
socks, shirts and ties.”
“And in what particular department
stdre is he a ribbon clerk now?”
“Ribbon clerk nothing! He’s president
of a railroad and can borrow fifty mil
%
lion .dollars in Just about fifty seconds.”
TOO METHODICAL.
"Dibble is going to be married. His
bachelor dava are over.”
“Pshaw! That fellow never was a real
bachelor. He keeps all his socks in the
same place.”
FORCED ALOOFNESS.
“They were next-door neighbors for
years, and yet they never spoke.”
“That's the way with people in cities!”
“There was some excuse in this case.
The prison rules forbade talking.”
HATRED.
“You don’t seem to like Podsley.”
“ ‘Like’ him? By Jimminy, If I could
afford it I’d make him a present of a
motorcycle!'*
IMPOSSIBLE.
“I fear Boggles is a profound egotist,
as will as an unmitigated ass.”
“You are a trifle hard on Boggles.
Still, I dare say it is as hard for him
to see a flaw 'in his character as it is
for a blind man to see a pebble in a
desert forty miles away.”
NEVER.
There never lived two women yet
Who this wise would agree:
“I'll never talk of you, my dear,
If you won't talk of me.”
SORDID.
“What did he say when you told him
that riches don't bring happiness?"
"He replied that anything nowadays
could be imitated to perfection.”
WOEFUL.
We met a melancholy man
Who wore a look forlorn:
He said, “I’ve ne\ er had a chance
To see ‘September Morn.' “
HATES TO GIVE UP.
“Old Mr. Grubbit is not exactly w hat I
would call a generous soul."
“Of course not. Ilia, purse strings are
so arranged, that the-harder you pull on
them the tighter they get.”
RASH.
"T don't suppose you have ever felt the
'call of the wild,' Smlthktn?"
‘ Oh, yes, I have. Why, one hot day last
summer 1 thought very seriously of going
to town without a collar."
STILL, THAT'S LEGITIMATE
"I understand he made Jiis money In &
roundabout way."
"Yes. He operated a circle swing at
county fairs.”
A DEARTH OF NEWS.
"Who Is the author to be discussed at
your club today?"
"Browning, and I guess well have to
discuss him, too. There is positively
nothing going on in town."
PROSAIC.
"Poor woman! There she stands with
tiie symbol of her servitude."
"What do you mean by the 'symbol oil
her servitude' ?" M
"A dtslirag." ■
A PRAYER.
If love he ail in all.
As poets say.
May l be truly loved.
Though come what may,
VHtil life's close shut leaves
In warmth dispart.
Ami prove that "all In all"
A constant heart!
PAUL COOK.
Germany and Switzerland, whence come
good farmers and good citizens for
America. Jairge numbers are changing
localities in the northwest and 1 think
the land congress is undertaking, along
practical lines, a great work in going
after thosd classes, and this movement
should have the support of all our peo
ple.” i_
nl I.KS FOR DRAMATISTS
George Jean Xathan in October Smart
Set.
Detective play: Murdered man must
be discovered in library; detective must
wear soft Alpine hat or checked cap,
never a derby; detective must indicate
his profession to audience by keeping
cigar or pipe constantly in or adjacent
to mouth (no detective ever smokes a
cigarette); and at end of last act detec
tive must always be going to nfarry girl
who appeared, pale and nervous in Act I
in white dress.
All Englishmen must wear top hats on
back of head, must carry canes (which
they must at least three times during
action of play place behind them and lean
on with legs placed wide apart), and
must further indicate nationality to audi
ence by periodic Ejaculation either of "1
say” or "Beastly weathah.”
Male society character must be care
ful to convey social position to audience
by carrying gold cigarette case; elderly
female society character, by carrying
lorgnette.
All "crook plays” must contain at least
one reference to Burns detectives.
A "smart” atmosphere Is obtained by
(1) periodic service of tea. by (2) causing
the menuge to refer to butler never by his
first name (John, Ignatz or Louie), but
always by last name (Jenkins, Thomp
son of Pitt), and by (3) an amber-shaded
lamp on grand piano.
All college boys wear turned up trous
er«, smoke bulldog pipes, refer (,o father
as "the governor,” are impolite to sisters
Rnd keep hands, on all occasions. In pock
ets.
Military play: One In which current
war has been brought about through riv
alry .of two men for hand of same girl.
All plays laid in England should have
big sceneR occur In the drawing room; all
plays laid In United States In a business
office or a library; all French plays In
boudoir; all German plays In dining room.
All Germans must be comedians.
MiKG M'MIKR SAYS
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
A man wlto has been ornery all day
thinks that he can kneel down at night
and get forgiveness. But he Isn't going to
get off that easy.
There is nothing either heroic or pleas
ant about being henpecked. But when a
man finds himself wearing a zebra cos
tume and engaged in making little ones
out of big ones, it Is a cinch that he didn't
get there because he took his wife's ad
vice.
A good felloy Is a guy who doesn't mind
paying *1.25 a round for the (Jrlnks, but
who kicks hecause Ills wife paid *1.80 for
a pair of shoes for one of the children
when the last pair she bought only cost
$1.60.
There Irn’t anything In the world a
woman won’t buy on the installment plan
if she has the first installment.
When a girl thinks she has pretty ankles
she knows that long skirts are unhealthy.
A man thinks he is a hero if he amuses
a baby for three minutes. But he never
gives a mother credit for amusing It 24
hours a day.
Some men will touch you for a quarter
and then kick because the coin is a little
smooth.
Ttie money devil has been traced to his
lair, the white slave and the red lights
have been located and paraded and the
tariff on Egyptian mummies has been re
duced, hut Congress hasn't done a darn
thing to discover why the fool killer loafs
2S hours"per day.
Beauty Is sometimes only enamel deep.
Castles in the air would be fine places
if you could only hire a fairy flunkey to
get upj-and get breakfast in the morn
ing.
After daughter gets to reading high
brow junk and joins a new thought gab
bing society she always wonders why
mother ever married the coarse, uncouth
person who likes to sit around the house
in his undershirt and smoke and who an
nounces that no four-flushing literary
mollycoddle is going to marry his daugh
ter.
The fool stork is getting giddy in his old
Age. Jrle is even dropping In to see how
seme of our theatrical stars are enjoying
married life.
• •
If a merchant marked a stock of waists
$3. he wouldn't sell one a week. But he
marks them $2.93 and sells a dozen every
10 minutes.
It wouldn't hurt any If the men who
have sworn off as buyers would swear
off as drinkers.
IT IS AUTUMN
From the Detroit News.
He who sllrs abroad these days is
made conscious of a subtle change upon
the road, the Held, the' wood and the
stream. There is a new sad quality in the
sunlight \as It lies upon tile slopes, or
washes, with gold the green of the low
lying woodland. The breeze seems to sigh
with gentle regret, and kuch birds as may
be heard convey In their dwindling notes
a sense of something over and gone. It
Is as though something passed this way,
something greatly loved and long desired,
whose presence was an Unbroken divine
festival, and now, l^gone, leaving its de
votees to linger awhile in contemplation
and then to close the festive chambers.
I cannot utter this sadness which I*
yet not sadness, which all things deem
to titter. , It is a sadness without dejec
tion, a parting filled with sweet regret
and yet devoid of pain, the solemnity ol
inevitable change without a sign of fear.
It is as when two friends sit and gaze on
each other, knowing eRch in his 'heart
that what must come is best for both,
and yet softened and silenced by the
sense of separation. Thus It seems to me
the sun sod the hills talk together these
I . TV".' :■. 4 *•••. .. J
afternoohs. And thus I seem to see In
the gathering haze the spirits or the sum
mer flowers betaking themselves to the
summerland. And the birds, so silent
now. noiselessly winging about .the couch
of the dyinl^ season, surely share the
secret. It is In the air. All who listen
may hear the whispered warning of
change. No sooner do I swing Into the
highway than fallen leaves tell it to me,
the distant shadows report it to the eye.
and as I take in deep draughts of air t
catch the odor of it. It Is autumn,
A KITCHEN VACATIONIST
From "Comediene and Cook," Ann Ran
dolph, in National Magazine for Sep
tember.
Who that has ever seen her can forget
the infectious optlifiism of May Irwin?
The mere mention of her name provokes
a smile. Since as a child she joined
Tony Pastor's company at the old Metro
politan theatre, New Yoork, back in 1S77,
American theatregoers have been con
tracting the May Irwin habit, until now,
after some 35 years on the stags, this
lively lady has multitudes'of friends and
admirers, in every state from coast to
coast.
Besides being one of America’s lead
ing comediennes, May Irwin has a repu

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