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Do They Give a Young Man and a Young Woman a Better Chance to Grow Thoroughly Acquainted With Each Other ? Or Do They Give Them a Chance to Discover All of Each Other*s Faults Without the Helpful Powers of Forgiving and Understanding That Marriage Brings? • / O long engagements end happily?” j I “ la it well for us to be engaged when we cannot possibly hope to be married for years?” aak many • of my correspondents. Is an engagement a miraculous ho* o' can8y that is always full of sweetmeats, no matter how many are eaten? Or is it only a human sized one that contains just so much sweet ness which is either concentrated in a short time or stretched over a long time? Do long engagements give a young man and a young woman a better chance to grow thor oughly acquainted with each other than short engagements do? Or do they also give them a chance to discover all of each other’s faults without the helpful powers of forgiving and understanding that marriage brings? N Head tliis letter : “My Dear Miss Libbey: What is your opinion of a young man who deliberately en gaged himself to a girl for nine years, lending her to believe that they were to be married evAtually, and who within the last year de clared his intention of remaining a bachelor and ’ free lance ’ ? “Do you believe that his actions are the re sult of an engagement that has been too long? “ But let me tell you all about it before you decide. I am now no longer a child, so that my affair is not one ,of the ’ puppy love ’ va riety, hut one that f flattered myself was to see me through life. This mail and I are both university graduates. We met wheu ’.re vyere very young, and we went together in r pile of a storm of protest. My parents pleuded witli me to give him up. My father was especially bitter against him. Before his dentji he called me lo him and wanted me to make him « prom ise that 1 would never marry this man. Lit tle did I think then that I wasn’t going to. That one tiling I couldn't promise my father, although 1 would have promised him anything else in the world. “ In every other thing I valued ray father’s opinion above any one else's that I had ever known, lie always seemed to me like the very highest type of manhood, and 1 never doubted hit judgment in anything else In my lif'1. Rut 1 couldn’t give up the man that I loved. I clung to him more tightly than ever, perhaps because my parents anti relatives all disapproved of him so strenuously. His de votion to me at that time was everything that any girl could wish for. We both took his un popularity for granted, and determined to be hnppy despite everything. Happiness Didn't Last. " We were recklessly happy for severnl short, sweet years. He used to say that I was the best 1 pal ’ a fellow ever had. He didn’t know half of the things that I had to go through on his account. Sometimes I used to wonder why my mother didn't lock trie in my room and feed me on bread and water the way that cruel parents used to do in the gtor.v books, because she surely did everything else that they used to’ do to girls in love with an unwelcome man. I couldn’t give up the man whom I had given- my heart to, no matter who wanted me to, nnu no matter how much 1 had to endure through not giving him up. “ Rut our happiness didn’t last. I some times wonder If we’d have married then—but there’s no use now thinking about that. We didn’t, because we were too young* We were both of us still in college, and we had no pros pect* of being able to be married until after we graduated and he was able to get a good position. “ His parents purchased a summer home ih another state, and week ends and holidays he always spent with them. He always gave some plausible excuse for being away from me, and he used to say: ‘ We’ll have all the more fun when I get back, dear.’ 'Phis kept up un til it grew noticeable, and 1 could feel the finger rtf scorn and mockery pointed at me. But I stuck! That’s the pathetic part of it. lie knew that I’d he waiting at home with open arms and a smile on my lips for him. “ About this time we graduated from col lege, and I supposed that all I would have to do w«.', to sit at home and wait for tljy wedding day to roll nround with its merry chimes. Our dream v as to be realised when he made $25 a week, a princely salary to us poor young fools, then. “ That day has come—and gone. lie is drawing three times that much nml more now. Ho has a motor car of his own. And we are not married. “ During these years I have noticed a grad ual falling off of his attentions, but I have byoad mindedly attributed it to his growing business and his trips home. And whenever friends 1mmade sarcastic remarks about his being away from me all of the time, or about how devoted be is to me, I rjj always ready, with some glib, laughing answer in bis de fense. * H« Shall She Tr\j to Forget Him ? “ Today, a woman of 25, I find myself humiliated beyond words by the bitterness of the ‘ I told you so ’ which my people are con stantly flinging at me. Were there ever crueler words written? Until recently I actually didn’t care to live because of this affair. The idea of taking m.v own life is ab solutely foreign to my nature, *or 4 have al ways been a jolly, fun loving girl, and I have always been in for a good time. That the Creator has caused such a blight to come into my life is utterly beyond my comprehension. Sometimes, when I think about it, it dt esn’t seem as though it could' he l who am suffering this way. But T do suffer; every inch of me hurts with the keenest pain that* can ever come to a woman, the pain of loving and knowing that the man she loves doesn’t love her. “ I am sure that I love him, although with a little less enthusiasm than before. But I know', too, that 1 would do anything to get him hack again, 1 would cast pride aside. I wouldn’t care wnat my family said. He still keeps tal) on me by telephoning to me occa sionally and inviting me to go for a spin in his car. And whenever In* comes I love him so much that it seems that I can’t let him go, ever. “ What I wanted your advice on is what attitude 1 shall assume toward him. I real ize now that I shall have to make up my mind to do something and do it. in spite of tin* ache that it mi\.v\ bring to my heart. Shall I ac cept his invitations and ho as sweet to him ns though lie hadn’t broken my heart, in the hope that lie will change his mind about being a bachelor and marry me eventually? Or shall I refuse to see him and try to forget him. “I am now accepting the attentions of seural otlier very respectable and highly estimable young men, but I cgnnot help feel ing that it is only killing^time until the man that I love comes back to me. if such a thing is possible. We have had SI Oil good times together. Even now when we’re together peo ple must think thaf we’re newly engaged. ” Do you think that it is possible for a young man of 27 to acquire the bachelor habit suddenly, without something very tangible be ing hack of it? Do you think that lnv truly loves me or that lie ever did? Ilia mother has a great influence over him, and I feel that she has never liked me. It would be dif ferent if 1 were a girl of an inferior, illiterate type. Hut he has always told me that I was the cleverest and best looking girl he ever knew. Vet he fled ! “Oiin it be tlial we were engaged too long? Should tfte diave been married when we were young and let our parents complain about our marriage instead of about our engagement? “<\ It.” * Were Engaged for Six Years. Would these two young people have been happy if they had been married when they were younger? „ Can any love, no matter hotf sweet and true and holy it is, stand the constant nag ging of a discontented family? Is there any stone in the world* that constant dripping won’t wear away? One of the most hajppily married women that I have ever known said to me one day : — - « ” I>o you know why I’m so happy? It’s he rn use by tlip time Jim and 1 were married neither one of us had any illusions about the other. We were engaged for six years. Ev'ery year we discovered some other little fault that the other one had. Jim says that 1 never did have more than five, and I’m sure that his sixth fault iap't a very great one. So now we live on spending every minute of our lives finding out each*other’a nice qualities, anerwe don’t have to waste any time getting used to faults.” , And yet it isn’t every young man and young woman who could content themselves with finding out of the faults. Most of the faults would he rocks on which the fragile ergage ment hark would break. Putting off getting married is often the only wise thing to do when an engagement is a very early one. Hut the remedy is far more easily found than in a long engagement. The easiest and least heart breaking way out of an arrangement of that sort is a preventive arrangement, not a cure. Why should young people, very young people, he engaged at all? Is it not better for them to he a little un happy because they can not he engaged anil to go along with their everyday lives being the ( very best sort of friends, than for them to* live for many years with the dream of marriage before them and then discover su hlenly that one or the other does not want to be mar ried ? Is ” the bachelor habit,” which this young man suddenly acquired, not a malady that may overtake any long engagement? Real Life Romances Offered to Miss Libbey for Solution. She Fitted at Him. “ Dear Miss Llbbey : Have been acquainted with a young gentleman for three years. He called on me for n few months when we first met. He was my first fellow, and I thought n great deal of him, although I often picked at him for things that did not amount to any thing, and he stopped calling. 1 have been in company with a great many fellows, and hove had several call on me, but still the love I1 have for him is not forgotten. A couple of times when I met; him I Invited him to call. He said he would, but did not ask when he could call, and did not come. He often sends his regards to me through other girls, • and nlways speaks very good of me. Now, do you think his love has grown entire ly cold? I will thank you for some good advice. Raoiwa." Ton might drop the fellow a note and in vite him to come and spend an evening at your home. That will give you an oppor tunity of seeing whether he really is interest ed in yon or not. * * ' “Hat Never Spoken Marriage.” “Dear Miss Llbbey: t am a young girl of 20 years and have beeu going with • young man of 24 year* for the last live years. Now, More this young man very much, hut as long I hare been going with him he never has menuoueii mniTinge . 10 me. lie is ail ior his mother. Now, what I want to know is what I shall do regarding the matter. " ICate.” The man probably is not in, a position to marry yet if he bag hig mother to care for. However, it is not wise to let him monopolize all four time uhless his Intentions are seri ous. I would suggest that you go about with other boys. It is a raistuke for a girl to give all her time and attention to one man unless she is engaged to him. * * Changing the Wedding Dale. “ Hear Miss Libbey: I have a gentleman friend with whom I have been keeping com pany for two years. We are engaged, and hnd our wedding 'set for October, then changed it for September. Do you think it is bad lrtck or any barm in it? Our wedding is to be quiet; no one knows it but our fami lies. We are to marry sooner on account of disadvantages; he has so far to cull and has to spend so much money that it would be much better for ifs to marry earlier. What should I marry in? Lulu.” Personally, I don't think there is any harm in changing a wedding date, in spite of the popular theory to that effect. If it is to your . advantage to change the date to the first of September, I would advise you to change it. ir tne wedding is a quiet cnnreli ntiair, a suit and hat would be moat appropriate. If it is a house wedding, a pretty white silk dress would be nice. # * What Shall She Say ? “ Dear Miss Bibbey: Tell me the proper way t* answer a fellow when introduced to him, and later when parting he says he is ‘ very glad he has met you ’? Is it proper for a young man to kiss a young lady the first time he has met her? How can one find out a fellow's love? I.” Say “How do you do, Mr. Blank." A simple “ thank you ” is the only response necessary When he says he is glad to have met you. It is decidedly improper for a young lady to allow any such familiarity on the part of a young man. A woman’s intui tion is a pretty good guide in the matter of whether a man loves her or not. * * • Had a Standing Dale. “ Dear Miss Bibbe.v: I am engaged to a young man whom I dearly love and have been engaged to him for quite a while. He always seemed to love and care for me and I have never seen him with any other girl. Bast night I ^Ind a standing date with him and I waited till late for him, but he did not come. If 1 should meet him and he should ask to come / » back to sec me do you think 1 should let him come if he apologized, or do you think I should not pay any more attention to him? L.” Perhaps something detained the young man and he was unnlile to get word to yon in time. I think you would better wait and see wh.lt lm has to say about it. If lie has a reasonable apology to offer you accept it. However, if he doesn't apologize ignore the incident entirely, but do not give him another opportunity to disappoint you. # * He h a Camblcr. “ Hear Miss Libbey: Will you please help me? First, I am going to tell you I have no mother or father but am living with an aunt and uncle. They are a mother and father to me, they are so kind. Now, 1 have been going with a young liiun about two years. He is 21 years, I am 22; mid lie comes three times a week to call on me. My aunt and uncle found no fault in him, hut I was told he gambles, so I asked him about it, and lie said he did hut would not do so again. I beard it the second time, nnd spoke to him about it. and lie promised never to do it again, only In break liis pjiomise liy doing it the third time. I told him if it happened the third time I would have to give him up. so my aunt and uncle made me give him up, and I did it to please them, as they Know nest. iliey snu^ tney qui not want me to marry a fellow with such habits as gambling,*ns I am a good, decent, respe tful girl. Now, how can I avoid him? lie is al ways calling me up. As he known lie .can not come to the house, he wants me to meet him outside. If my people knew it they would do something to him. i’lease tell me what to do. Hazbi.." You showed remarkably good sense in giv ing the fellow up. To be the wife of a gam bler is a frightfully unfortunate choice for n girl to make. Gambling seems to be al most as incurable a vice ns drink. Don’t he at home when he calls up. Tell your people not to call you to the telephone. If he won’t reform for you before marriage, make up your mind that he never will after marriage. * fs Wants to Cel Acquainted. "Dear Miss Libbey: Inclosed firfd the clip ping from today's paper. I am practically a lone girl of 23. My mother is In heaven and my brothers are scattered to the four winds. 1 am a working girl, have a good respectable position as clerk, ain a good Christian girl, and would love to meet a good man like this one, nsithe majority I meet I do not care for. I like good men. Is there sonic way by which I might form this man's acquaintance—that is, if he would care to meet me? I am about .1 ieet -* inches tali, nverage weight ll.i, brown hair and eyes, considered good looking, and am neat about my person and surrounding* and am a home loving girl., If you can aid me in beupming acquainted with him l shall be grateful. B." 1 suggest that you write to the Kev. J. 11. •Melianu, pastor of Trinity Episcopal church. Twenty-sixth street and Michigan avenue, in regard to joining the Tuesday Eveuing club. This is an organization founded for the spp-* cial purpose of providing desirable acquaint ances for lonely young people like yourself. The club meets every Tuesday evening and pleasant times are had among the members. I know of no better way for a lonely person in the city to make acquaintances. # # Regarding Broken Engagement. " Dear Miss Ltbbey: I w ish some counsel in regard to a broken engagement. Both the principals are in prominent official positions, so that the facts would be recognized were they printed in the paper. Will you pleas- j tell me whether or uot you will send a word of advice privately shouhl you be made acquaint ed with the facts? If you will inclose a stamped envelope ror reply I shall be only too happy to write to you under persona) cover. The correspondence will be treated entirely confidential.