The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], October 05, 1913, EDITORIAL SECTION, Page 28, Image 28

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. W. HAHItETT.Editor
—
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoflice as second ciuss matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1879.
Dully and Sunday Age-Herald . |8.00
Daily and Sjunday per month ...
Daily and Sunday, throe months.. 2.00
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum .. .©0
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the only authorized traveling repre
sentatives of The Age-Herald In its
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Wo communication will b© published
without its author s name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
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Remittances can bo made at c«rre“*
rate of exchange. The Ago-Heittid will
not be responsible f«or money sent
through the mails. Address.
THE AGE-HBRALD,
Birmingham. Ala*
• Washington bureau, 20/ Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, • Henrietta street.
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 w
60, inclusive. Tribune building, N«w
York city; Western business oniee.
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Beckwith Special Agency, sgents xor
elgn advertising.
TELEPHONES
Bell (private exchange connecting
departments), Mala 6090,
Conceit, more rich in matter than In
words,
Brags of Ills substance, not of orna
ments
/They are but beggars that cun count
their worth.
—Romeo anil Juliet.
Come to the Fair
, The Alabama State Fair will open
October 9 and continue through Octo
ber 18. This year it promises to be
bigger, brighter and better than ever.
The Age-Herald takes occasion again
to invite the people of Alabama to
come and see it.
This year the exhibits will be more
Interesting and will go farther toward
conveying an adequate idea of Ala
bama’s resources than at any pre
vious fair. The amusements are of the
highest order obtainable. The work of
preparation has been done systemati
cally and conscientiously. Men of ex
perience are in charge. They have
made a study of how to please and en
tertain the people, and the result of
their labors will be a revelation to
many.
States fairs such as .those held in
Birmipgham are of benefit in many
ways. They demonstrate what the
state is doing in all lines of agricul
tural and industrial endeavor. They
advertise the products which the state
has to offer the world. They are in
structive to every one who is attempt
ing to do what he is doing just a lit
tle better than he ha» been doing it.
And above all, the fair is a meeting
point for all the people. Civic pride is
increased; the- community spirit is
bettered. Each visitor feels that he
has a common interest and a mutual
concern with every other one.
Come to the State Fair. Birming
ham will be glad to have you, and
you will be pleased.
"
Split Still Wide
Theodore Roosevelt is going to ex
plore the unknown regions of South
America, but he has left orders under
which the progressive party will act
during his absence. "There will be no
compromise with the regular repub
licans," he announces. “I will never
abandon the prinicples to which we
progressives have pledged ourselves.”
The progressive party is built
around Colonel Roosevelt. He is its
leader and its platform. His personali
ty is its chief asset. With him re
moved, the party probably would soon
disintegrate. But he has no intention
of retiring. fHe has made his stand,
and none of his lieutenants will dare
disobey.
Just what will he the outcome it is
hard to say with any degree of cer
V tainty. A year ago the republicans
controlled every branch of the govern
ment. They had been in power for many
years, and every attempt to dislodge
them had met with inglorious defeat.
Yet in the election of last November
the republicans carried only two states
with a total of eight electoral votes,
against 88 for the progressives and
435 for the democrats. Never in the
political history of the United States
had there been such a political up
heaval. *
Today the republican party seems
Upon the eve of dissolution. In some
states the bosses still control the
party machinery, but they have no
strength with the rank and file. Col
onel Roosevelt feels that uncondition
al surrender must come if the pro
gressives stand firm. But will such
men as Barnes, Penrose, Gallinger,
Smoot arid their kind surrender?
The Treacherous San Antonio
The little rill known as the San An
tonio river has ever been a jest with
the tourist who includes the Texas
town of the same name in his itiner
ary. it is spanned by many bridges as
it takes its crooked course through the
city: In some places it has the ap
pearance of a heap of dust, in others
it looks like a muddle puddle.
One of the amusements of the visi
tor to San Antonio is to stand on the
bridge on Navarro street, or on the
one on Crockett, or on the one on
Houston, or on one of those elsewhere
M ba shovels away the mud in order
A
' that the San Antonio may continue its
| tortuous path toward the gulf.
When the stranger is shown one of
I the places where Santa Anna forded
i the river in preparation for his attack
j upon the patriots pent up in the
! Alamo, it is entirely natural for him
to smile and enquire, “Why ford it
instead of jumping it?”
But like Linden, San Antonio sees
another sight. The weak and innocent
river has become strong and furious.
The dispatches tell of a portion of the
city overflowed, damage done to the
amount of $200,000 and several lives
lost in the turbulent waters.
The San Antonio has long been a
problem to San Antonio./Some have
suggested that it be covered over and
used as a storm sewer. Others have
advised that it be converted into a
drive way. Now that it has broken
bounds and spread death and destruc
tion, the engineers will have a harder
problem than they had first consid
ered it._
Underwood for the Senate
The Underwood tariff bill having
become law our distinguished states
man who has represented the Ninth
district in the House of Representa
tives “for the best part of 10 terms”
now becomes a candidate for the
United States Senate. His formal an
nouncement was made yesterday. It
is brief and characteristly modest. It
is also frank and to the point.
Mr. Underwood has accomplished
what he set out especially to accom
plish. He has been the dominant fac
tor in revising the tariff. While the
democratic party was strongly com
mitted to tariff revision, no such act
as that signed by the President Fri
day could have been passed by the
majority it did but for Mr. Under
wood’s wonderful leadership.
The democratic party has had many
able men, many great statesmen and
many bom leaders; but Mr. Under
wood measures up to the best of them,
and higher than most of them. His
qualities of leadership have dazzled
the whole country; and it may be
truthfully said that as a parliamen
tary leader he is today without a
peer.
Alabama has had statesmen in the
past who have achieved national
fame, but none had greater national
prestige than the man who has led
the democrats in Congress to the
great tariff reform victory.
Capt. Richmond Pearson Hobson is
a candidate for the United States Sen
ate, and he is an indefatigable cam
paigner. Henry D. Clayton, chair
man of the judiciary committee of the
House of Representatives, i is also a
canidate for the United States Senate.
He is well esteemed by the public at
large. But in the coming contest Mr.
Underwood will have the hearty sup
port of all Alabamians who believe in
honoring those who have not' only
labored faithfully, but have accom
plished big things and brought new
lustre to Alabama statesmanship.
Help Judge Stiles
The effort of Probate Judge Stiles
to prepare an accurate list of the
qualified voters of Jeffebson county
should receive the hearty co-operation
of all citizens.
Alabama’s system of registration
and qualification is cumbersome and
in time threatens to become chaotic.
Judge Stiles says there are more than
4000 men on the registration lists
whose poll tax records disqualify
them from voting. They may have the
proper recipts, and again they may
not. It is his desire for all these to pay
a personal visit to his office, talk the
/natter over with him, and he will ad
vise as to what should he done to ‘.‘get
•
the record straight.”
Jefferson county needs all the
voters it has and a good many more.
By the process of disfranchisement
resulting from the cumulative poll tax
provisions of the ‘constitution, there
is a constant dwindling in the number
authorized to cast a ballot. Of course,
new voters are coming in all the time,
but the list of voters by no means is
keeping pace with the county's in
crease in population.
Every good citizen should make it
his business to see that he is qualified
to vote. Now is a splendid time to
clear up all doubts. Judge Stiles
stands willing to help, and his offer
should be ac«epted.
Thp tariff .hill has become law, but
there'll he no rest for tile weary demo
/ »
crate. During their long years in of
fice the republicans piled up a * nu^s of
rotten legislation that will take much
more hard work to rectify.
Another bill to bring about government
ownership of the telephone and telegraph
lines lias been introduced in Congress, it
seems that it is much easier to introduce
than to pass measures of this character.
Roosevelt says that the independent
party is alive and kicking. Still the
chances are probable that he keeps a
weather eye on the republican nomina
tion.
A man must amount to something when
at tlie age of 83 he is called on to save his
country'. Papa Diaz has some elements
i
of greatness in his makeup.
An actress who married a millionaire
and stayed off the stage nearly U years
is back in the game. The/lobster palaces
.must lure them, back* I
/
"Most Activity in Wearing Apparel,”
says a headline Over a trade report. It is
getting the time of year to lay aside the
knee-length kind.
Foreigners don't like .Secretary Bryan's
Chautauqua engagements a bit, but no
matter how mad they get, they can’t help
themselves.
Tlie Cullman Tribune has issued a
"booster edition” that contains a gratify
ing amount of advertising. Congratula
tions.'
The New Haven has decided to reform
itself from the inside, but it will have ;
plenty of outside advice in the undertak
ing. f
After ail, there are a great many people
in this country who don't worry' about the
income tax, being comfortably poor.
"Lucille Singleton changes her mind,”
tli ere by again trumpeting to the world
one of woman's inalienably rights.
The Prince of Monaco has a wireless
piano on board his yacht! We wondef if
playing it will make hair grow.
The democratic tariff law has gone into
effect, and so far as we can see the
country is as firm as a rock.
The trail of the tango leads through one
of Chicago’s latest tragedies and naturally
the tragedy is a sordid one.
During liis entombment, Joseph Tos
hesky lived for live days on tobacco.*Now
let the weed’s enemies howl.
It Is reported that persimmons will be
cheaper this year. That may increase the
output of persimmon beer.
It seems that Judge Humphries was just
showing how awful he could be if he
really took the notion.
^his bracing weather has set the tramps
to bracing the night pedestrian for the
price of a bed.
Castro might be located by advertising,
but who wants to locate him?
Thaw’s disappearance from the front
page occasions no regrets.
The American dynamiters are not suf.
fragettes.
lil UK Mrl.l KK SAYS
From the Cincinnati .Enquirer.
We are progressing in other* ways, !
but the death rate among boncheads
| is small and discouraging.
Many a man who fell in love Rt first
I sight would still be happy if he had
| waited and taken the second look.
Sometimes a girl develops a reputa
tion for propriety just because* she
knows her complexion will rub off if
she gets gay.
A man sometimes gets so tired of his
w*ife’s stereotyped methods of cooking
stuff that a pork chop fried in axle
grease that he gets at a restaurant
tastes better than a steak fried in but
ter at home.
When your wife says she has nothing
more to say, pick out an easy chair,
take off your coat and vest and shoes,
and prepare for a two-hour session
while she sayg it.
A man who used to have to churn it
when lie was a boy never wonders at
the high price of butter.
A man will let his wife press his
pints, put the buttons in his shirt, dig
him up clean handkerchiefs and brush
his clothes and his hat, and never even
say thanks. But if a strange waiter
hands him a napkin he wouldn't think
of handing out less thaji a cordial
"Much obliged” and a half a dollar.
Tl^ey are hunting for a cheaper auto
mobile fuel. What we really need is an
automobile fuel that will mix with
booze and reduce the joy ride death
rate. Petroleum, benzine and gasoline
won’t do it^»
October may not be such a great
month, But you will see less of pipe
stem legs, • knock-knees, dirty elbows
and white shoes during the next 30
days.
vv utii a. gn i ina^es a quica gruD at
her ^knee every two or three seconds it
isn't always chiggers. Most of the
time it is a busted garter.
A dog may not have a soul, but other
wise he is as human as we arc. Years
ago Luke was present when a doer was
broken down and a dog and a baby dis
covered locked In a room with a woman
who had been dead for throe days.
Neither the baby nor the dog could
talk, and the eyes of the baby were
devoid of expression. But you could
write a 10,000-word story of that trag
edy from wliat you .could read in the
eyes of the dog.
A man is always kicking because his
wife wants dresses and hats. But if
she looks shabby when he goes out
anywhere with her lie wants to snake
her.
KAYO HITE KICTIOY
From the Chicago Tribune.
“The Science of Palmistry."
“It Will Not Be the Least Bit Out of
My Way, I Assure Y'ou."
"The Bed v.as very Comfortable, Mrs.
Irons; J Slept Like a Top."
“Reformed Spelling."
“Your Esteemed Favor of Yesterday."
“I never Felt Better in My Life."
“Why, Father. I Don’t Know One Card
From Allot her 1“
“if I Thought It Was Doing Ale the
Least Harm I’d Quit It in a Minute.”
VOICES oV THE NIGHT
From the Chicago Tribune.
“Maria, there isn’t half enough cover
on this bed!" •
“John, 1 suppose you’ve left our best
umbrella at the office, as usual.’’
“I wish somebody would kill that infer
nal cat!’’
“Henry! Henry! Wake , up! There’s a
ring at the telephone!’’
“There! I forgot to put out a ’No
Milk This Morning' card!"
1*01 \ T E D I* A It AG H Al* M S
From the Chicago News.
Spot cash isn't always spotless cash.
And a woman is known by the ac
quaintances she cuts.
It won’t help to make a long face
when you are short.
Bachelor iriaids are spinsters who
•haven’t given up hope.
Every time a girl goes away from
home she lias a perfectly lovely lime.
If a man is always making new
friends it's a sign his old friends arc
on to him.
What has become of the old fashioned
woman who liad a bad omen for every
dream?
Before attempting to make a name
for herself a girl should learn to make
bread.
Some wives feel the need of an ex
cuse for being married, and some spin
sters for not being.
It sometimes happens that a boy
learns some very good habits by not
following in tbe footsteps of his father.
f IN HOTEL LOBBIES
HtiftlncM* To He Brisk
"There Is every indication of a very ac
tive fall trade," said S. T. Driscoll of
Philadelphia. "There has been some pes
simistic talk in the oast about the de
pressing effect of democratic rule: but.
regardless of party and regardless of
whether certain interests object to the
revised tariff, there will ^Te much pros
perity In this country within the next
few months.
"1 voted the democratic ticket and I
believe that the new tariff will prove
very popular. But what stimulates busi
ness more than anything else at this time
is the abundance of the crops. It is next
to impossible to keep business back when
theucrops are good." »
In Southern \lat»am:i
"I have found great prosperity in t1ie
southern part of the state; and as far as
I know, there is an optimistic feeling
in nearly all the rural districts.’’ said
Hugh M. Brown, the well known shoe
factory man.
"Many of the towns that we used to
consider s/nall have now grown large.
Andalusia is growing steadily, and it now
has a population of many thousands. As
for Dothan, it is one of the coming cities
of the state and appears to have a pop
ulation of 9000 or 10,000. It is one of the
most up-to-date cities in the state."
l'ntroulfie Home Products
“In the exposition that is to be held
here next month of the products of the
Birmingham manufacturers, I am re
minded of a somewhat similar exhibi
tion and movement that was inaugurated
by the oh’ Commercial club, shortly after
its organization here 20 years ago," said
a pioneer citizen yesterday. "The club
quarters were iri a large room upstairs
over what was t»en Erswell’s undertak
ing establishment on Ninteenth street
between First alley and Second avenue.
An exhibit of the products of Birmingham
manufacturers was installed in that room,
and it was a very creditable one. The
motto of the club was 'Patronize JKome
Industries Every Other Thing Being
Equal/
“In endeavoring to put. that motto into
effect, the club found that two new’ in
dustries here w’ere unable to sell their
product to Birmingham dealers, as they
w’ere new’, and the dealers had an estab
lished trade in other well known brands
of similar goods. These two were the
Houston Biscuit company and a broom
factory. To meet this situation a ladies’
auxiliary to the Commercial club was or
ganized and these ladies went to the
dealers and very clearly stated that they
were going to patronize those that hand
led Birmingham made goods. In a short
time this sign was displayed in all the
stores of the city, ‘We Sell Birmingham
Made Goods.’ and the biscuit company
and broom factory products quickly went j
into every homo in Birmingham as a re
sult."
\dvertl.Hfng \ Inliam*
“Alabama will receive during the next
month some of the host advertising it
has ever had," said a well known cit-,
izen last night. “The three great gath-1
erings mentioned in the editorial of The
Age-IIerald of this morning are the kind
of publicity that makes an impression
on the public that money cannot pur
chase. It. conveys the intelligence that
there is 'something doing’ in Alabama,
and that its citizens are alive to its
material advancement. There are those
who will always consider bettering their
present surroundings, and these are look
ing for ‘live’ communities, but no one
thinks of going to a ’dead’ one.
"In the Southern Commercial congress
at Mobile, that city will receive great
and valuable publicity as the 'Gateway
to Panama/ In the Alabama State Land
congress in Birmingham all of Alabama
will be benefited through the showing
that w’ill be made of the productiveness
of its lands, while the Good Roads con
vention will further impress the public
that the spirit of progress and develop
ment is fully awake in Alabama/'
Building* Going Up Everywhere
“This town is sure growing some,!' said
an enthusiastic citizen, “and I wonder
what visitors from 'finished places’ think,
when they see us tearing down fairly good
structures to build others more preten
tious or Imposing.
“Come to think about there has been
something doing in tlio prominent busi
ness section for months, and ‘the cry Is
still they come!’ On three of the corners
at the Juncture of fifth avenue and
Twentieth street work is going on on three
big jobs—the Tutwllor, the Molton apart
ments and the Southern club. Up on Park
averse at Twentieth street, tlie Clark
family liot^l, a very handsome structure,
is about completed. On Park avenue,
Twenty-first street ,to Sixth avenue, tlie
‘Rldgely,’ an imposing structure, Is pro
gressing rapidly towards completion. The
Lyceum theatre, on Third avenue and
Eighteenth street, is nearing completion;
tlie Roden hotel frame work of steel Is up.
The handsome annex to the Birmingham
Trust and Savings Bank's building is com
pleted. The great Jefferson County Sav
ings bank's office building, which will
also house this bank, is nearly completed.
The work of tearing down the structures
on the corner of Third avenue and Nine
teenth street, fAr the Nelson building, to
be occupied by tVoolwortli, has begun.
Soon the work of clearing the new post
oSfite building site will begin. Outsldrf
of tlie business center, too, there is much'
building going on, apartment_liouses, store
houses and residences to name off-hand.
“Yes, sir, you can't walk through tlie
business district of Birmingham without
stumping your toe on a brick, running
hito a sandptle. dodging lumber or w alking
out into the street In front of tlie many
building operations now going on. Great
Is Biomingliam!"
Poor Flahlug, Good Sboollug
"The past season for bass fishing lias
been very unsatisfactory," said a sports
man. "and It is hard to account for It.
“t have talked with most of the tribe,
and all tell the same story. Some have
visited tlie seldom frequented waters,
remote from tlie ordinary haunts of fish
ermen, but always with the same results,
poor luck. There have been no big
catches, in fact no takings of anything
but small fish, either with tlie fly or live
bait in n^iny weeks. I think the extreme
ly hot, latter days of the summer and
the drought had something to do with
the poor sport.
“The indications are, that we shall have
fine quail shooting, as the birds are plen
tiful and are fully grown. Usually we
enter tlie shooting season, November 1.
with many half-grown birds, this is due to
had seasons for the first broods—drown
ing or failure of the setting to hatch,
on account of wet weather.
“The open season for doves and squirrels
is on (October 1) and these last arc re
ported unusually plentiful everywhere and
here In Jefferson county particularly."
'NED BRACE WRITES ON AMUSEMENTS
TO BE‘FOUND IN AND ABOUT PARIS
RIB, September—One can have
a pleasant time In Paris even
after cutting out the shops and
art galleries and sightseeing.
The golf club and links at Boullie rank
among the best on the continent. The
location is picturesque and the course is
good—eighteen holes, maintained in most
excellent condition. Birmingham has been
represented almost daily for several weeks
by John Haul, Otto Marx and the writer,
and the usual matches have been played
and won by the best player. Both Kaul
and Marx have been playing excellent
games, but-.
The only objection .to I>e Boullie is Us
distance from Paris, about IS miles, on the
outskirts of Versailles. Another good
course is near St. Germain, and still an
other at Fontainbleu. The St. Germain
course is rather flat, but very popular In
summer and during dry weather. Fontaifl
bleu is a bit sandy and more like some of
the English coast courses.
On all of the French links, like most of
the continental golf courses, English is
the predominant language among players.
However, as none of the caddies speak
English one is safe in abusing them and
blaming all bird shots on the "stupidity
of my caddy."
At Boullie, however, in the afternoons
when the weather is good, one has an
other and better excuse for bad plays.
Aeroplanes hover over one like birds. It
being near the aviation grounds the flying
machines testing their stunts are all
about, and one is constantly taking his
i eye off his ball to watch the aviators.
* * V
Paris like Birmingham and all the
world is dance mud. The Parisian dances
of the risque order have given way
almost entirely to the one step with varia
tions, the tango and other dances of
grace. Mr. and Mrs. Castle of New York
are coining money in dancing at such res
taurants as the Cafe do Paris and Pre
Catalin. Mr. Castle gives lessons at $1£
per lesson—an hour, and lias a waiting
list. Dancing at teas in the afternoon, the
j supper hour in the restaurants, and later
i at the cafes brings the Castle couple sev
: eral hundred dollars a day. Their dances
i are purely of the ballroom variety—noth
ing strained nor objectionable—and have
i taken Paris by storm.
Y* Y Y
| One of tiie sights of Paris now is Eng
; liien—a suburb, supposed to be a health
I resort, but in reality a veritable Monte
Carlo. The club is really the summer
Monte Carlo of Europe. An American, to
enter, must show his letter of *credit or
steamship passage home, be identified and
pay $4 dues. After much form and red
tape and a dress suit costume he is ad
mitted to the tiger's lair where bac
carat and chemin de fer is at its height
about innumerable tables where only
French Is spoken. Men and women play
with equal zest, and at some of the tables
[ the play runs high. Some of the South
American visitors, who are the real sports,
get thousands of dollars at a time. How
ever, the usual betting is from one hun
dred to a thousand francs, or from twenty
......_
to two hundred dollars, and that is fust
going. One young New Yorker accumu
lated from a small roll of bills some
eighteen thousand dollars that evening,
and took the money home with him. Most
of it came from .Russians and Mouth
Americans, the high flyers of Paris. The
American high flyers have taken a bade
scat this year.
V ¥ ¥
The steamship people here tell me that
regardless of general stories to the con
trary, more Americans have been here
this summer than In many years past.
Every ship sailing for New York is crowd
ed and thousands are awaiting passage
home.
Paris is of course the meeca for Amer
icans, both because there Is so much to
sec and because If economy is an object
they can live well and cheaply here. I
met two good women of Birmingham here
the other day who told me their board
here was cheaper than they had paid at
Blount Springs last summer; and taxicab
faro Is only 20 cents fpr two people per
mile, bus fare is only 2 cents per mil,e
and no one ever wants to ride more than
a mile without a stop.
However, the best hotels are just us
high priced as they are in Birmingham
or New York. Of course the reference to
Birmingham means us prices will b^vhen
our new betels are completed.
But I am away from Paris now for an
automobile trip through England and hol e
later to write of it.
ADRIFT WITH' THE TIMES
OCTOBER WIND.
Over the land and over the sea
Bloweth October's blast
And tells by a movement wild and free
That winter's coming fast.
Whirling the leaves along the hill
And up and down the dale,
And darting abroad to laugh Its 1U1
Where white-winged vessels sail.
Ere long w ill scow ling clouds hang low,
No trace of sun appear,
December's blizzards furious blow,
And then the firelight’s cheer.
With ruddy beam and drift o' dream,
Will chase the gloom away.
Until the threats of winter seem
As soft as smiles of May! *~
FINAL DISPOSITION.
“Has Dobbs disposed of his motor car?”
“Yes.”
*‘I was not a ware that he had disposed
of it.”
“Oh, yes. He disposed of it one morning
I between the hours of 3 and 4 o’clock, in
a deep gully about 10 miles eas^ of town.”
QUITE SAFE.
“You say she trusts her husband?”
“Oh, yes. He can’t afford to hire a
; stenographer.”
SEVERE STRAIN.
“When some people get an idea they
nearly explode.”
“Well, when you seldom get a thing
like that I imagine it’s hard to hold.”
A GOOD LESSON.
“When a man goes out looking for
trouble he usually finds it.”
“Quite so, and when he finds it in the
form of a hard-hitting person who is
a better fighter than he is, the chances
are that he will remember exactly how,
when and w’here he found it.”
FOOLHARDY.
Folks marry on autos, \±n steamers ancl
trains,
On bi-planes with motors awhirr;
But rasher than any of these are the
chumps
Who marry on $10 per.
—Boston Transcript.
Folks marry in cages where lions look
on.
And thus they show rather poor taste,
But the one’s who are surest to mourn
what they’ve done
Are the ninnies who marry in haste.
—Chicago Record-Hera Id.
Folks marry oft nothing and marry on
much.
And marriages makes many folks glad.
But we thiuk that the*tekm should bo
poked with a crutch
Who run oft and marry on dad,
—Houston Post.
Folks marry on wuter and marry on
land,
Ami some are quite free from regrets,
But the fools who deserve all that’s com
ing to them
Are the people who marry on bets.
TOO MUCH SO.'
“Mrs. Blinkmore says you arc a neigh
borly woman, Mrs. Twobble.’’
“I’m glad she thinks so, Mrs. Blabbin.”
“Yes. She says you have borrowed
nearly everything she possesses except
her husband.”
ICONOCLASTIC.
“I see where motor boats and electric
launches will supplant gondolas in Ven
ice.”
“Good heavens! There will soon be
about as little poetry left in that town as
there is in Hackensack, N. J.”
HE OUGHT TO BE.
A pedantic man is theJ sort of fellow
who says on a hot Hummer uay: "If this
state of weather continues much longer
I shall soon be In a state of emoles*
cehco."
INSECTOLOGY.
Of work the bee is not afraid.
And hard times can’t expel it
For, when it gets its honey made.
It knows just where to cell it.
—Cincinnati Enquirer.
Then take the case of Air. Fly,
Pursued with noise and chatter;
When he observes one's- hand on high.
He knows just swat's the matter.
v —Denver Republican.
Consider, too. the little gnat;
He’s fortunate in that lie.
Whate’er the styles are—thin or fat—
Can manage to look gnatty.
—Chicago inter Ocean.
And also there's the tiny Ilea,
So thrifty and well-fed;
You grab him where he seems to be,
And find the flea has fled.
—Peoria Journal
And then the pesky bedbug, too,
Robs mortals of delight;
Just when we think that sleep is due »
Is when wo get a bite.
SHOCKING LANGUAGE
A man may have
Great depth of soul
And still dislike
To bring In coal.
—Paul Cook, In* A -1 breld
A man may bo
A genius born
And hate like h—1
To mow the lawn.
—Memphis Commer* lal-App^al.
POSITIVE ABOUT THAT.
“Dc^t you think Aliss Pounder bus a
fcreat deal of musical ability?”
“I don't know. I’ve never heard liei
play anything but the piano.”
-PAUL COOK.
COLOGNE, OLD AND NEW
From the Living Church.
This year Cologne, which has grown
from 49,276 population in 1816 to 545,
000, and soon will reach 620,000, when
the annexation of Mulheim is com
pleted, has a municipal exhibition,
which she culls “Cologne, Old and
New.” It appears, as the editor of the
London Municipal Journal writes, after
a visit to the exhibition, “that some
of the Cologne taxpayers were Inclined
to grumble at the Cologne taxes.” So
the officers of the municipality con
ceived the idea of a purely municipal
exhibition illustrating the work of the
city by means of models, pictures, dia
grams, plans and charts, and showing
the citizens the value they receive in
return for their money, somewhat on
the plan of our American budget ex
hibits. They, however, tvere designed
to show what was done with the money
after it was spent, whereas, the Amer
ican exhibits are designed to educate
the peqple to demand the appropriation
of adequate sums. The exhibits are
housed in a building specially prepared
for the purpose, and they are wonder
fully interesting and are being visited
every- week by thousands of the Co
logne taxpayers. “The grumblers,” the
editor d^lares, “are silenced, and it is
expected that the grateful citizens will
shortly rise in a body and demand 4
general increase in the salaries and
emoluments of the city.” “We have
visited,” tlie editor further said, “other
exhibitions in Germany, but none quite
like this one at Cologne, and it occurs
to us that it will be a thousand pities
if the valuable models, pictures, and
charts that constitute it* most attrac
ive feature are destroyed or packed
away in storehouses after the exhibi
tion closes in October.”
IIHICK HOLME UY PARCEL POST
From the American Machinist.
When the parcel post was first intro
duced, someone, as a Joke, shipped a
wagon load pf brick to his l'l lends In
various parts of the country, each brick
going as a separate shipment. While
the wag who conceived the idea of
making the postman shrivel under the
unaccustomed load thought he had <*»>
vised somethin? unique, those *n charge
of a brick exposition In ChlCag?o went
him one better by bavin? enough brick
shipped In from all parts of the coun
try by parcel post to enable an entire
house to be Constructed of them. So
the transition to equally massive ma
chinery parts was not a radical change.
It Is In this connection, the supplying
of parts for machinery, that the parcel
post has made Itself useful to members
• . . • / ' y v?
. *
of the trade. So useful has the system
become, In fact, that many machinery
houses already reward it as well-nigh
indispensable. It Is certain that It lias
unique advantages which could not Ik
duplicated in any other way, and that
those who are using it are Inclined to
Increase rather than lessen tluir appli
cation of tlie idea. •
Tile use of the postofflce service for
shlpping parts is declared to result both
--
III economy and expedition. When ex
press service is used, as it was ex
clusively until tho arrival of the new
service this j ear, there is a certain
amount of delay in drayingr the goods
from the factory to the express office
and then in gettinK them from the sta
tion to tile user. This was particularly
true of small towns, w here the express
companies made little or no-provision
for deliveries.
./..
PORPHYRIA’S LOVER
By Robert Browning.
THE rain set early Iri tonight, '
The sullen wind'Was soon .iWuke,
It tore the elm-tops down for spire,
And did Its worst to vex the lake;
1 listen'd with heart lit to break. v .
When glided In Porthyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm.
And kneel’d and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soil'd gloves hy. untied
Her hat and let her damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down by rny side
And call'd me.' When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist.
And made her smooth white shoulder baie,
And all her yellow hair displaced.
And, stooping, made my cheek*lie there,
1<ind spread, o’er all. her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me—she
Too weak, for all lfter heart's endeavor,
To set its struggling passion free j
From pride and vainer ties dissever.
And give herself to me forever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could tonight's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, find all In vain;
So. slie was come through wind an# rain,
Be sure I look’d up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew *
Porphyria warship'll me; surprise
. Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to no.
That moment was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good; I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string * wound.
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut but that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids; again
Eaugh'd the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untighten'd next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more •
Blush'd bright beneath my burning kiss;
'I propp'd her head up as before.
Only this time my" shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon It still;
The smiling rosy little head.
So glad It has its utmost will,
That all It scorn'd at once is fled.
And I. Its love, am gain'd Instead!
• Porphyria's love: she guess'd not how
Her daring one wish would be heard,
\ And thus we sit together how
And all night long we have not stlrFC
And yet Hod has not sgid a word!
il