The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], October 16, 1913, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
K, u . .Editor
""Entered at the Birmingham. Ala.;
postofttee as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 18.3.
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THE AGE-HERALD.
Birmingham, Ala,
"Washington bureau, 207 Htbbs huild
European bureau, 8 Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to
60. inclusive. Tribune building. New
York citv; Western business office,
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eign advertising.
telephone
Hell (private exchange connecting all
departments I, Main 400(1.
ID my faith, he t» sulft anil aenten
tioiia. —As Von Like It.
Our Bunglesome System
Some states have amended their
constitutions and statutes so that a
two-thirds majority may render a
verdict in a civil suit. Alabama sticks
to the old plan of attempting to com
pel 12 men to become of one mind.
Just how this often works out is
shown in this dispatch from Hunts
ville :
A mistrial resulted Saturday night in
the damage suit ot A. <i. Brents against
Sheriff Hereford, which was tried In the
law and equity court. The jury stood
11 to 1 for the plaintiff. Brents * * *
sued for alleged false arrest and im
prisonment. Attorney Douglas Taylor
represented the plaintiff and during the
progress of tile trial had opportunity to
i xpose in a measure the practices of
deputies who make their living by ar
resting petty offenders and extracting
fees from them.
Here is a composite picture of the
workings of the jury system, and it
also illustrates the evils of the fee
system in a striking manner. Mr.
'Brents has his trouble for his pains,
although the jury stood 11 to 1 in his
favor and it was shown that he was a
victim of the fee grabbers. Mr.
Breiro’ case is not unique in Alabama.
The Rhodes Scholarships
Many young Alabamians are am
bitious to go to Oxford to complete
their education. Cecil Rhodes left a
large sum in trust, the income from
which is to be used to defray the ex
penses of a certain number of young
men from all the English-speaking
countries of the globe at the famous
university.
It was his idea that in this way
would the English-speaking nations
be brought closer togther. The native
Englishman, the New Zealander, the
Canadian, the Australian, the South j
African and the American would
mingle together and learn the ideals,
the viewpoints, the hopes of each oth
er. In this way, the famous developer
believed, chances of friction among
the nations would be lessened; an un
derstanding would be established
which would hold in good stead when
ever controveries shoulij arise or am
bitions clash.
Rare indeed are Cecil Rhodes in his
tory. Progress was bis fetich and
patriotism his religion. He was one
of the greatest developers the world
lias even known. Pounds sterling by
the millions poured into his hands.
But he cared nothing for money ex
cept to spend it for England. It was
his dream to make Africa British, and
he worked with a tireless zeal and a
dogged energy that drove him to his
grave long before his time.
He had wrought miracles, but what
he had done he considered as nothing.
His imagination pictured the African
wilds teeming with commerce and in
dustry; the locomotive’s whistle would
be heard at'night where now the still
ness is only broken by the roar of the
lion. Cities would spring up in waste
places; a happy people would plant
and harvest; Africa would be a hive
of profitable labor—and it would be
all English.
As he lay dying in a fisherman s
hut by the sea, his mighty mind re
'viewed the schemes it had reasoned,
and he felt that he was to go with
them yet in their infancy. “So little
done, so much to do,” he sighed. He
had accomplished prodigies. But to
him they were as naught compared
with what he intended to do.
The Commerce Court
The comnjerce court will go out of
existence December 1. The judges
will be continued in office, but the
court itself will cease to be.
A provision in the urgent deficiency
bill just passed marks the end of a
long fight. The commerce court was
created during the administration and
on the advice of President Taft. Its
duty was to consider appeals from the
decisions of the interslate commerce
commission, and it has been charged
that its only accomplishment has been
the hampering of the commission.
From the start the commerce court
has been extremely unpopular with
- .vV-r i.
' the shippers of the country. They have
j claimed that the court has consistent
j ly acted in behalf of the railroads,
| and that its reversals have gone fax
| toward preventing reforms ordered by
the interstate commerce commission.
Another thing which brought the
commerce court into disrepute was
the impeachment and conviction of
Judge Archbald.^Ie was found guilty,
on trial before she Senate, of favoring
corporations in which Ijp had a finan
cial interest, and was removed from
office. ’
The judges of the commerce court
will be continued in office as addition
al circuit judges of the United States.
This concession seemed necessary to
prevent some excellent men from be
ing legislated out of office through no
fault of their own.
Hope for Peace Not Bright
The United States will not recog
nize the Mexican election which has
been set for October 26. With Huerta
clothed with dictatorial .powers the
Washington administration, knows
that it is futile to hope that a fair and
free expression of the will of the Mex
ican people can be had.
Washington has informed Provis
ional President Huerta that it “looks
with abhorrente and amazement’’
upon his assumption of both the legis
lative and executive powers of Mexico,
and that acts performed during his
dictatorship cannot be regarded as
constitutional. All that had been ac
complished by Envoy John Lind has
been undone. What will be the next
step taken by the United States?
it is suggested that the American
administration throw its support to
those now in arms against Huerta in
the northern part of Mexico. This
might go as far as removing the em
bargo upon munitions of war, which
would prove of great advantage to the
revolutionists.
There is one prediction that can be
made with practical certainty of its
fulfillment. Huerta will not be long
allowed to continue in power. He has
forfeited any esteem in which he
might have been held. His overthrow
now will be regarded with satisfaction
by this country.
Nicholas II Land
America’s leading geographers do
not doubt the report that a large1
body of land has been discovered in
the Arctic ocean north of Eastern
Siberia, ^ut they think that its loca
tion has not been stated with exacti
tude by Commander Wilkitzky. Back
in 1894 Captain Nansen’s ship, the
Fram, drifted in the regions about
82.50 latitude north and 104 longitude
east. Dr. Nansen regarded the locality
as a deep sea basin, but if Wilkitzky
is correct his discovery, yyhieh he has
named Nicholas II Land, extends be
yond latiture 81 north and longitude
102 east.
Explorers who have sailed the track
less seas of the Arctic and sledded
over its bleak and barren waste
of land think that Wilkitzky’s find
closes the book of discovery, so far as
large bodies of land are concerned. It
has long been suspected that a conti
nent existed in the regions traversed
by the Russian expedition, and the re
ports from St. Michaels are not the
cause of great surprise.
Nicholas II Land is supposed to
have an area as large as that of
Greenland. It becomes the possession
of the Russian empire. It is too early
to declare dogmatically that it will
be of no real value. For many years
Alaska was regarded as being utter
ly worthless. Now we look upon it as
u regular storehouse of wealth.
ll is perfectly heart rendering how the
solecisms do creep into tile works of
oin- popular authors. This, for Instance,
about a calamity which befell an Ameri
can hero while motoring madly oyer the
plains of France In pursuit of the car
containing his sweetheart and the das
tards who had kidnaped her: "There
was a sputter. Leander's heart sank
within him. He knew the horrid truth,
yet ids fervid love rejected the cold
reasoning of the brain. His petrol bad
failed:” Now anybody only distantly ac
quainted with our best sellers Is well
aware that although gasoline may be
petrol In England it Is essence In
France."
Tile suffragettes threaten to cause a
riot at the coming marriage of Prince
Arthur of Otnnauglit ami the Duchess
of Fife. Tlie riots which have taker
pluce at New York weddings have gener
ally been occasioned by a mad desire
on the part of assembled females to get
a good view of the bride's gown.
Harry Spencer says lie murdered women
In .Michigan with a hammer while he
was serving a sentence In the Illinois
penitentiary. But he has little on
Herbert Thomas, at that. Herbert
says he robbed the A. G. S. train at
Bibbville, but detectives declare that at
the time he was yelling 'ham and-" in
a Tuscaloosa restaurant.
/.
A stage celebrity has managed to get
•4.
a great deal of free advertising out of the
Yact that she wasn't permitted to enter
this country wearing trousers. Press
agents now adays are a versatile lot. They
have to be. The competition is tierce.
Stewart Kdward White's “Gold'' is a
stirring tale of the "forty-niners.” Home
of tile mining camps in those days had
nearly as many murders in a week as
Birmingham has now.
/
It' Is a pity that the country persists
in sending to Congress a crowd of repre
sentalives who are so frail and delicate.
The reports constantly being sent out
from Washington that tlie congressmen
are completely exhausted by the long
drawn out session meet, as they should,
with hearty sympathy. And those many
millions who remain at home and work
all tho year round, rejoice exceedingly
that they arq possessed with health and
strength.
The aeroplane song In one of the imisl
eal comedies recently seen In Birming
ham was about as realistic as an ele
phant giving an Imitation of a flea.
Why a Chicago man stole a crate of
wooden legs that he does not need for
personal use Is inexplicable unless he fex
peots to be, short of fuel this winter.
We decline to credit the noble red man
with a delightful Indian summer, as a
contemporary suggests. The weather man
is more apt to he responsible.
"Alabama Bull Moose may endorse
Hobson." And we'll wager that even
John H. Wallace didn't know there was
such an animal In the state.
Whether or not a man is patriotic be
cause he wants to eat at the public crib,
there is no denying the fact that he is
essentially human.
Huerta has come out at last in his true
light. As a dictator there Is no necessity
of his being recognized by anybody.
The crew of the Volturno seem to have
been a cowardly lot and drowning was
better ihan they deserved.
Outfielder Strunk is a famous slider to
bases. His name probably makes liim
reckless.
"Candidates In scramble." It Is to be
hoped there are no bad eggs in the
bunch.
Illinois seems to lead all other states
of the union In riding women on rails.
50 MORE WILD OYSTERS
Henry C. Rowe in Leslie's.
The popular idea of the source of oys
ters is that they grow wild in creeks,
estuaries, etc., and that men go out In
little boats and catch them, a bushel or
two at a time, somewhat ns clams are
caught. The general impression is that
they gro-: naturally without cultivation,
like blackberries or blueberries; but, like
many other popular Impressions, this Is
erroneous, except to a very limited ex
tent.
Not one bushel is luuo of mature oysters
ready for market Is found growing nat
urally. This applies to the product of
the waters of Massachusetts, Rhode Isl
and, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey
and to a less degree to Delaware, Mary
land and Virginia. Instead of growing
naturally in the majority of.these states,
the artificial propagation, cultivation and
planting of oysters on a large scale now
produces more than 1000 bushels of ma
ture oysters, against one bushel of ma
ture oysters growing wild.
Oyster farming is now a productive in
dustry, ns completely as is grain farm
ing on the enormous grain Helds of the
west, where tens of thousands of acres
are gown and harvested under one man
agement. Oyster farming Is well com
pared to grain farming, except that the
growing of oysters is a far more compli
cated, expensive and hazardous enterprise
than is the growing o£ grain.
A largo oyster farm comprises many
thousands of acres of land under from 16
to 75 feet of water in the great bodies of
salt water, such as Nurragansett, Po
conic, Gardiners, Great South, Delaware
and Chesapeake hays. Often these farms
are situated several miles from the shore,
so that a strong field glass is required In
order to identify the church spires, light
houses, hilltops and other objects on the
distant land, which are used for ranges
Jn locating the boundaries of the oyster
farms.
The small boats used in the Hatching of
wild oysters would be useless in the pro
pagation, planting or catching of the
crops on these great oyster farms. The
grounds are In some Instances several
miles In extent, and steamers and gaso
line boats are employed in their cultiva
tion; some of the large steamers are more
than 150 feet In length, 30 feet wide, and
catching'SOOO bushels of oysters per day.
In water "0 to 00 feet deep—in other words
as deep as a six-story building Is high.
These great oyster farms, comprising
from 50(10 to over 25.000 acres under one
management, are often situated several
miles from 14hd, where the bottom la con
stantly swept by the deep, clean currents
of salt water, ensuring the delicious pur.
tty of the product, #hieh commends oys
ters to epicures.
LIKE M’l/l’KE S.tVS
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
What has become of the old-fashioned
man who used to wear a shawl'.’
When a relative dies and leaves her a
little money, a red-haired girl ImmedU
ately becomes a Titian-haired beauty.
Lots of men are too busy making good
to waste any time putting a "Do It Now’’
sign over their desks.
There may not be any angels in the
next world, but there are plenty of good
wives in this world.
The honeymoon ends the morning lie
wakes up jmd finds a hole in the too of
one of Ills socks and discovers that she
has forgotten to send the laundry, that
his only clean shirt Is torn In front, that
there is a button off the back of his pants
and that he hasn’t a clean handkerchief
Every man who suffers from rheuma
tism can tell the other fellow a sure cure
for rheumatism.
A man always gels kind of suspicious
about a guy who say's "nyther” when he
means "neither.” And the mutt who says
"shawn't” and "eawn’t" is classified first
crack out of the box.
We don't care so much about the tariff,
but tliere should be a special session to
revise derby hats upward.
The man who delivers the goods never
has to let out a squawk about lack of
opportunity.
Scientists say a man is mentally strong
at 50. But any princess can tell you bet
ter than that.
Once in a while you find a man who
has so much spare time that he reads
the opening speeches made by candidates.
The world is growing better, but too
many men continue to use their union
suits for pajamas.
BREATH I*l£ AGAIS
Prom the Houston Post.
Two more patriots have signified their
willingness to take Underwood's place in
the House. We can safely aay Birming
ham’s awful anxiety has now been com
pletely relieved.
✓ /
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Work at I he Wire >1111
“Fairfield, where the Steel corpora**
tion*« big wire mill is situated, is looking
exceedingly prosperous,*’ Bald a wc»ll
known business man. “I had not been
to Fairfield for some time until I was
there this week. I expected to find a
good deal of activity, but the scene
around the wire mill was even more brisk
than I had imagined. I was at Fairfield
when the hour came for the men to stop
.work and when the 800 wage earners came
out of the mill I was more than ever im
pressed with the value to this community
of this new industry.
“I understand the machinery in the wire
mill will be fully installed within the next
few weeks, probably within the next two
or three weeks. I have no official in
formation, hut I understand that the mill
will begin to roll wire before Christmas.
“It is hoped that Mr. Underwood will
do his best to have the government suit
for the dissolution of the Steel corpora
tion dismissed. I thought from the start
that the Stanley investigation in Congress
was political demagogy. It may, how
ever, turn out for the best. The testi
mony given by high officials of the Steel
corporation was convincing to the aver
age intelligent person; and the public
now knows what It may not have known
before, that the Steel corporation is not
a trust as that term is commonly under
stood. The corporation is admirably con
ducted, and the thousands of its em
ployes in this-* district who signed the pe
tition to Mr. Underwood asking that lie
endeavor to have the suit dismissed, are
not only well treated, but they are glad
to testify to that fact.
“The dismissal of the suit would have
a splendid effect on the business of the
country In general, and as for Birming
ham, it would result in the biggest boom
ever known in the south.”
Insurance In the South
“The south Is coming into its own,” said
a prominent insurance man.
“One of the most gratifying indications
substantiating this fact is the rapid and
healthful growth of southern Insurance
companies scattered throughout this sec
tion of the country. Their efficient and
progressive management is resulting in
far reaching good to the people of the
south, indeed conserving and centralizing
our monetary resources, which in the past
have been to a considerable extent dis
sipated into the overflowing coffers of
the east. They are keeping the south’s
money in the^louth where it properly be
longs, and where it is being put to work
in the various channels of industry. May
the day soon come when it will no longer
be necessary to ‘dance to the tune of
Wall street’ Whenever the south wants
money!”
The Supper Hour mt Fair
“The most interesting feature of the
fair to me,” said an old hand at the
fair business. “Is the supper hour along
the promenade toward the side shows.
• “The good humored spielers get very
busy as soon as the grandstand is
emptied after the races and some of
their gags are original and highly
amusing. The thousands all^ seem to
get hungry at the same time and all
of a sudden every booth or eating place
is doing a good business. The fare is
good, wholesome and very reasonable.
One can find somewhere something to
attract the appetite, if not already
doubly blessed with one. Ope fellow
was crying out, 'We have the ham,
the hamburger and a son of Ham in
the kitchen cooking 'em.' Another
spieler cries, Tm no mind reader, but
I know' what you want—your supper's
been ready right In here for five min
utes; walk light in!’
“Everywhere one turns it's victuals
aiid drinks; nothing but soft drinks,
howrever. some of them so soft, as the
pineapple flavor for instance, that you
have to stop after trying one to sat
isfy yourself what they really use to
inako a pineapple-ado.”
The Xew Poatofflce
“Noav that the government has ac
quired ample ground for the new post
office site, work on the building will
probably begin some time next year,”
said a citizen.
“While the amount specified for the
edifice in the appropriation bill was
1800,000, the building when furnished
will doubtless cost a million or more.
“Something like three years will be
required in the construction of the
new postoffice. Nearly every public
and semi-public building here bus
proved inadequate in size 10 years after
4t was erected, It Is hoped that Uncle
Sam wdll build a postoffice large
enough to serve the community at least
25 years, but I doubt It. A few years
ago a lot 400 by 180 would have been
considered far mere than Birmingham
w'ould need for a postofflco building in
this decade, but the probability is that
30 years after the new postoffice is fin
ished steps will he taken to provide
additional room.
“The Roden hotel, which Is diagonal
ly opposite the postoffice site, will, it
is believed, be finished within the next
12 months; and by the time tlio post
office is finished Fifth avenue for sev
eral blocks w'est of Eighteenth street
will be the scene of much building. In
five years from now Fifth avenue from
Fourteenth street to the Terminal sta
tion on Twenty^sixth street will be
teeming with high class mercantile
houses.”
The Builders uf Birmingham
The Traders National bank In Its se
ries of excellent biographic sketches
under the head of “Builders of Bir
mingham,” has this in connection with
Us October calendar:
“Bee Carrington Bradley was born
at Elyton, Jefferson county, on No
vember 12, 1871. After graduating from
the Southern university he began, In
1882, the practice of law In Birming
ham. Five years later he formed a
partnership with Hugh Morrow, which
lasted for several years. In 1905, with
Mr. Morrow,'John P. Tillman and W. I.
Grubb he organized the firm of Till
man, Grubb, Bradley and Morrov/. The
present firm of Tillman, Bradley St
Morrow, with seven members and a
number of associates, la one of the
largest and best known In the south.
“Mr. Bradley Is representative of the
highest type of the present day attor
ney—a financier and business man as
well as a legal adviser. His acumen,
legal knowledge and financial ability
have been factors in the success ol
many enterprises. To him, and to the
receivers, is due the credit for the un
usual record made by the Alabama
Consolidated Coal and Iron company,
which, though forced into bankruptcy,
has recently paid Its creditors In full
“In addition to other connections, Mr.
Bradley is president of the Birming
ham Title gnd Guaranty company, vice
president o< the Birmingham Railway
Bight and Power company and a di
rector In the Birmingham Trust >nl
Savings company.
roiso.vme of paixtbrs
From the New York Telegram.
lj\ Alice Hamilton has written a re
port on the hygiene of the painters' trade
for the United States bureau of labor j
statistics. The report deals with lead
poisoning among painters in the United \
States.
While data were not available con
cerning the trade in the whole country,
significant information as to the preva- j
lehce and severity of lead poisoning j
among painters is presented.. Records of
hospital eases in Chicago. Philadelphia,
j Cincinnati and Camden showed about 30
| per cent of painters among cases of
plumbism treated, ami in a New York
hospital 28 out of 59 cases recorded dur
ing a period of seven and a half years
were painters. The Illinois commission
on occupational diseases, from incomplete
records for 1908 to 1910, found that pain
ters were about per cent of the cases
of plumbism in that state. Studies of
physicians and other investigators showed
similar conditions.
Illinois has passed a law' for tlie pro
tection of painters in factories and work
shops, but not covering house or sign
painters. Missouri and Ohio also have
passed laws relating to the manufacture
of lead compounds, but no other state has
any special law for the protection of
workers hi the lead using trades.
That lead poisoning among painters
| may be materially reduced is shown from
the experience of a railway car com
pany, which introduced complete sani
tary equipment and supervision and pro
vided for regular weekly medical inspec
tion of the workers, substituting lead sul
phate paint for lead carbonate paint.
From July 1 to December 31, 1911, before
these changes liad goA into effect, 109
j cases of plumbism were found among an
I average of 489 painters examined month
! iy4 or 18 cai&s per month. During the
period of nearly 14 months from March |
11, 1912, to April 20, 1913, when lead sul- j
j phate was used exclusively and after |
complete sanitary equipment and medical (
inspection had been provided, only three
cases of plumbism were found among 639 .
men.
PANKHURST* NEW PREACHMENT |
' From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
| Through her advance agent, using the
j theatrical advertising term, Mrs. Emme
line Pankhurst has outlined the toxt and
the gospel she is to preach as a suffragist
in this country No doubt she has been
advised that her doctrine of destructive
| militancy will find no favor among wom
ankind here and has wisely concluded to
j accept the advice to refrain from preach
ing it. Her appeal, therefore, so it is
announced, will rest upon tho argument :
that equal suffrage will assist in estab- i
lishing the doctrine of the single stan
dard of morality here. This Is only an
other phase of the sex war, based, as all
! its other forms are, upon the assumption
| that man Is guilty of oppression of the
woman.
It is difficult to follow the reasoning
that arming the woman with the vote
will change spiritual conditions. With
all religious denominations and sects
teaching purity, and with the statute
books of the states and the federal gov
ernment teeming with punitive laws
against impurity, it seems that what is
most needed is an awakening of con
science. In the final consideration it is, ,
after all, a question for tho home and not
the public fofum. It is not cynicism to
express the belief that Mrs. Pankhurst
has seized upon tills phase of the sex
clash because she believes that it is pop
ular and will attract audiences to her
meetings. What she will find is that the
American people are exceedingly curious,
but difficult to convince. Several dis
tinguished candidates for the presidency
have discovered that immense “rear
platform'’ crowds do not foretell elections.
LIGHTING UP A HORSE
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A humane man in Minneapolis has
strapped an incandescent bulb on the
forehead of his valued horse, and by this
means hopes to warn away reckless
drivers of automobiles who might other
wise run him down at night and do him
grievous harm. The battery, a small af
fair, is attached beneath one of the thills
and the connection is made when the
horse is harnessed.
It is understood that the first dark
night the new device was tried, tho horse, ;
unaccustomed to the attachment, shook I
his lighted head so vigorously that an In- !
ebriated automobilist got dazed and went
into the ditch.
At the same time, the humane express
man should remember the experience of
Max Adder's Erie canal mules and be
quite sure that the Insulation is perfect.
Those mules had a current attached to
them by a genial Idiot of a driver, in or
der to put a little hustle into their lagging
footsteps, and when they got the second
shock they kicked the, driver into the
canal, dragged tho boat Into the bank,
tipped over the lockkeeper's house and
committed suicide by drowning.
THE BRAND NKW BIBLE
FTom the Popular Magazine.
Samuel G. Blythe is the author of a
story called “On the Water Wagon.”
Two or three months after the story ap
peared In book form, a man who had
boon an habitual drunkard went to a
priest to take the temperance pledge.
After the pledge had been administered,
the holy father said:
“Now, I'm going to give you a little
book to read. I want you to read some
thing In it every day. It’s not a part of
the Bible, but it’s a fine book. I call it
the Drunkard’s Bible.”
Ho then handed the man who wanted to
reform a copy of Blythe's book, explain
ing:
“Tills is a fine piece of work. I give It
to a good many people. It Bhould hold
you steadfast in your purpose to reform.”
Some weeks later a friend met Blythe
on the street and told him about the
Drunkard's Bible, thinking that the au
thor would be greatly pleased.
“Who was the man who wanted to re
form?” asked Blythe.
The friend told him.
"Oh, that rummy!” exclaimed Blythe.
"He’s been" drunk for the last 10 days.”
OUR UNMARRIED MILLIONS
From Leslie's.
It may be that what we need is not
large families so much as more families
and better families. Investigation by the
Equitable Life Assurance society reveals
the fact that there are 17,000,000 unmar
ried people in the United States of mar
riageable age. Making allowance for the
Impecunious, the aged and the mentally
and pbycldally unfit, Mr. E. E. Ritten
house, conservation commissioner ot the
Equitable, estimates that 5,000,000 of the
8,000,000 unmarried men are capable ot
assuming the responsibilities of married
life. What prevents them from taking
the step?
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
the truest note
Whatever melodies may spring
From out a . poet's' hea rt,
J’m sure that lie can never sing
So sweet as when tears start
And in his troubled breast is born
That perfect song bo rare
’Tis wafted to the gates of morn
' And sung by seraphs there.
THE BOSS WORRIER
“What’s Boggles worrying about now?”
"He says radium is $104)00 a gram.”
t A KING CHANCES
"He has a motor oar on the land, a
motor boat on*the water and an aeroplane
in the uir." ®
“What do you suppose embittered him
BO?"
“What do you mean?"
"He doesnU, seem to want to live."
MORE CONSIDERATE
"Would you call Dibbs lazy?"
“No. I would merely say that he has
the llsherman's temperament."
FOL,LY
I've often thought that life would be
From many great disasters free
If men would drop that fool pretense
Rest known as over-eoniidence.
Then ships would not so oft go down.
Nor mortals bo to atoms blown;
Fast trains would seldom overturn
And fewer factories would burn.
SEEMED LONG
“You've bad your cook a long time,
you say?”
"Yes. She came last week."
“That Isn't a long time.”
“You don’t think so because you don't
cat here."
STUPIDITY
The microbe doesn't bother me,
1 really do not (ear him.
\\ by should iv Him I never see,
Nor can I ever hear him.
COUNTRY SIGHTS
Along the verdant countryside
I never chanced to roam
In (line to see the lice divide
His hair with honeycomb.
—Youngstown Telegram.
Along the verdant countryside
I never chanced to roam
In time to see a farmer split
A ploughshare in the loam.
—Ashtabula Beacon.
Along the verdant countryside \
Where blows the cooling breeze
’Tis terrible to see such things
So harrowing as these.
—Painesvillo Telegraph-Republican.
Along the voniant countryside
I never chanced to trip
In time, when the grass was wora
smooth,
To see tile moo-cowslip.
—Houston Post.
Though up and down the country lane*
Sweet joys are often met,
Green apples put the "colic'' in
Bucolic scenes, wa ll bet.
OTHERWISE WITH FAIR FEMALES
0
"Their is one tiling to be said in favor
of automatic piano-players."
“And what is that?” -
"It doesn't require any great amount
of tact to make them stop.”
ft
A MILD DISSIPATION
"His wife is rather strict with him, oil?"
"Judge for yourself. Two picture show**
an evening is all she'll stand for.”
PAUL COOK.
PLAYS OF YESTERDAY AND TODAY
From the Kansas City Star.
WHEN Bronson Howard, the dean
of American playwrights, sub
mited one of his first plays,
"Saratoga,” to the manager of a theatre
in Boston, the manuscript was returned
to him with the information that the
characters were altogether too improper
to appear in Boston. He then sent the
piece to Laura Kean in Philadelphia.
She replied with words to the same ef
fect, although even stronger, and also
returned the manuscript.
The idea of the play had been taken
from a series of magazine articles deal
ing with up-to-date girls of that period
girls who led a fast, fashionable life;
not fast in a low sense, but in a sense
of doing daring and extreme things in
good society. Howard did not believe
the play immoral nor Improper. He was
naturully a little discouraged at the way
it had been received, but he sent it to
Augustin Daly, who had just leased the
Fifth Avenue theatre in New York. Daly
read the play and liked it; he remarked
that if Boston and Philadelphia hod re
fused it, New York would bo sure to
take it. it did. The play was a great
success; no comment was made on the
action of the girls.
Several years later the manager of a
read company which was to play the
piece asked the author if he could have
the girls do something a little more
dating, and thus put more ginger into
the action.
How strange all this scents now! Mod
ern managers, many of them, refuse
plays if they arc too prudish. Let them
know that a play is filled with question
able scenes and is built on a suggestive
theme, anti they will sign a contract for
its production. And New' York is still
holding up its reputation of taking any
thing that other cities refuse. Two or
three plays produced there this season
have played to enormous houses—plays
so filled with suggestlveness that the po- I
_A*Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
lice stopped further performance of them
until the objectionable scenes had been
taken out. They are now drawing largo
houses because of the notoriety they re
ceived for being immoral.
The first play that Mr. Howard ever
wrote was a dramatization of Victor
Hugo’s "Famine.’’ In the translation lie
followed the author’s language exactly
in a number of places. Hut there was
no comment on the broad lines he used
in referring to a woman of the streets.
That was simply because Victor Hugo
was sincere; the words used in the play
and tho description of the characters
were not needlessly run in to lower its
tone, but were necessary to point its
moral. *
This cannot be said of the authors of
tho modern "sewer dramas." as they
have been so patly called. • They are not
sincere. One of the most revolting acts
in one of the new plays had absolutely
nothing to do with the main plot. H
was dragged iri to cater to tho morbid
curiosity of playgoers. Another play do
ing enormous business had a similar
scene. When it was taken out after th*
police investigation tho action of the play
was in nowise injured; it was, in fact, im
proved, for the play was more compact.
New plays of the same character an;
being produced almost every day in the
theatrical metropolis. One of tho critics
there characterized the latest one as be
ing "more rubbish for the trash heap.’’
Its plot is bolder and more suggestive
titan those that have gone before. Man
agers seem to be vying with one an
other to see who can present the worst
plays. Ami the worst part about the
whole situation is that mo£t of them are
drawing great crowds at every perform
ance. Two or throe of them have failed,
it is true, but their failure was not due
to their suggestiveness, but because they
were so hopelessly feeble in construction.
And yet 40 years ago managers refused
plays in W’hich some society girls did
unconventional things!
JOHN MASON’S NEW ROLE
From the Popular Magazine.
John Mason is an actor. The dramatic
critics say so. So does he. That makes
it unanimous. Moreover, he's a professor
when it comes to explaining the intrica
cies and difficulties of the English lan
guage.
The night that he and Martha Hed
man, the beautiful Swedish actress, who
was then giving her first performance in
English, opened In "The Attack," Miss
liedman asked Mason how she had gotten
away with her English pronunciation.
"Fine.” said Mason. “There were two
or three instances of quaint accent which
added to the charm of your work. But
there was one word which you pro
nounced in SUO ' a way that it got on my
nerves.. Instead of pronouncing 'resign,'
meaning to ‘give up in despair,’ as if the
second syllable began with a slow, slimy
and erawllnz z, thus, 're-zlne,' you per
sisted in pronouncing It as if the second
syllable began with the sharp, crackling
and sizzling s-which it does, but only
ill the spelling book, not on tlie tongue.
"Bet me Illustrate, my dear Miss Hcd
man. If you get sick of looking at me
every night in the play, you will ’rezine1
at the end of the season. On the other
hand, if'we get along all right together,
you will probably ‘re-sign’ with Mr.
Charles Frohman as my leading wqpian
for next season.” *
ILLNESS AS A MONEY-MAKER
From the Popular Magazine.
The president of the healtli Insurance
company was displeased, pot to say ruf
fled. He considered himself a downy
bird, a sharp-eyed spectator, and a know
ing card. The principal business of his
company was to Insure people against
Illness., That Is, for the payment of a
certain amount annually, they could col
lect an indemnity for all the time they
were 111.
The prize writer of this insurance stood
before the president and bowed his head
to the -storm of reproach which was cast
upon him. -
“What did you mean by Insuring this
fellow Brown?” shouted the president.
“Sir,” said the prize writer, “he had
never been sick for a day up to the time
we Insured him.”
"But, for the love of Heaven, can’t you
be reasonable?” burst forth the presi
dent.
"Well, I admit he has been sick a good
deal since he took out his policy,” ad
mitted the man who was being bawled
out.
"Sick a good deal!" thundered the presi
dent. “As well as I can make out. ai
soon as he got this Insurance he gave up
bts apartment and hired a cot in a hos
pital.”
■ rr \
THE CHANTS’ CRACK PITCHER
Ed A. Goewey, in Leslie's.
Young A1 Demaree, thg Giants’ crack
pitcher, went through the past season
with an unusual record and ono of which
lie may well feci proud. Nursed along
by McGraw he won most of liis games
and for a long time held his own with
the best twirlers in the business at the
top of the National league. For a virtual
newcomer in fast company this was about
ulj^ even the most rabid fans could ex
pect. Demaree's peculiar motion when
hurling tlie pellet is surely one of tho
most deceptive deliveries possessed hy
any twirler now in baseball. To see him
pitch for t'he first time you would imagine
that he was throwing with a sore arm.
Batsmen afflgtri that while his fast ball
appears to come slowly It really has ter
rific speed and Is upon them before they
realize it. A1 is rather slightly built for
a star pitcher ami he could easily be over
worked.
A NEW ROAD TO THE SALOON
From the Popular Magazine.
Dutch Frye was In a hotel In a western
city one day when a man whom he knew
very slightly rushed up to him, and
handed him this:
■'Dutch, lend me $100. I've been drink
ing a little too much since I've been in
this town, and I've used up all the money
I brought with me. Furthermore, this
hotel is very strict, and has a rule that
no drinks caif be served In t,he room of a
guest unless he Is ill In bed, and has a
doctor's certificate to show for It. The
fact is, Dutch, I have already had pneu
monia, diphtheria, asthma, congestion of
the lungs. Inflammatory rheumatism, lar
yngitls, and
"Take the hundred," said Dutch sol
emnly. “I'm afraid, If you keep on, you
might have some fatal disease."
A FRIEND O’ MINE
Fred E. Weatherly In the London Globe.
When you are happy, friend o' mine,
And all your skies are blue.
Tell me your luck, your fortune fine,
And let me laugh with you.
Tell me the hopes that spur you qh.
The deeds you mean to do.
The gold you’ve struck, the fume you’ve
won.
And let me Joy—with 'you!
When you are sad and heart a-cpld,
And all your skies are dark,
Tell me the dreams that mocked your
hold.
The shafts that missed the mark.
Am I not yours for weal or woe?
How else can friends prove true!
Tell me what breaks and brines you love.
And let mo stand—with you!
•
So, when the night fails tremulous.
When the last lamp burns low,
And one of us or both of ui
The long lone road must go.
Look with your clear old dVes in mine.
Give me a handsliake true;
Whatever fate our souls gwc!.
Let mo be there!—with you! '
- , ' i . .
■ /v.