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E. \V. BARRETT.Editor Entered at the Hirmingham. Ain., postoffice as second class* matter under act of Congress March a, 1879. Dally and Sunday Age-Herald.... 0*00 Dally and Sunday per mont^i. ' ‘ Daily and Sunday, three months.. - J" Weekly Age-Herald, per annum... Sunday . —1 | A. J. Eaton, .Tr.. and O. E. Young are | tho only authorized traveling repre sentatives of The Age-Herald in Its cir culation department. No communication will he published without its authors name. Uejeclea manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose. Remittances can be made at curren rate of exchange. The Age-Herald wl not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address, THE AGE-HERALD, Birmingham, Ala. Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build European bureau, 6 Henrietta street, Covent Garden, London. Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to 60, inclusive, Tribune building. New York city; Western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The b. L. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for ign advertising. TELEPHONE Bell (private exchange connecting nil departments), Main 41>00. Ilia head by nature framed to wear a crow n. Ills hand to welld a sceplrr. —Henry VI. Birmingham's Exposition The Birmingham Ad club, known far and wide as a booster for this city and district, has done no greater work in its organized capacity than in get ting up an Exposition of home-made products. It is really the most far reaching work that the club has un dertaken, and it is most gratifying to note the genuine public interest that is taken in this initial affair as evidenced by the large crowds in daily attendance. The exposition closes to night. Between 40 and 50 Birmingham concerns have made exhibits. For a first attempt at an exposition of pure ly fcal products—commodities made in Birmingham—it is not only highly creditable, but it has surpassed all expectations. Next year's exposition will be held on a larger scale. Instead of 50 there will be 100 or mJre exhibitors. The future expositions should be kept open at least two weeks. While the object should always be educational, there should be some good amusements. A high class band concert should be a feature. The Ad club is certainly to be congratulated on its efforts at the present time. Next year it will have - the ready and united support of the entire business community. V -- • ■■ ' — Pay and Shiver Patrons of Chicago’s elevated roads ] will continue to sit—or stand—and j shiver this winter as usual. They have j appealed to the courts to compel the operating contpany to heat the cars, but the judges have held that there is no remedy in the law. The law j compels the companies operating sur-1 face lines to heat their cars in cold weather, but some technical defect in the ordinance attempting to provide like comfort to users of the elevated roads has been discovered to make it impotent. It is strange that any such legal controversy could ever have occurred. Wisdom, it would seem, would lv*ve counseled the elevated companies not to stir up the animosity of the public. The heating of cars costs money, of • course, but in the long run it will not cost as much as public hostility. The usual service corporation in this day makes every effort to win the friend ship of its patrons. A valuable lesson Was learned when the utility com panies found that good will has the worth of money. Need of Law Reform Governor O’Neal delivered before the Alabama Land congress in Bir mingham this week a vigorous speech in which he dweh upon the necessity for the reform of the state's illogical and inconsistent system of judicial procedure. As if to drive home the arguments of the chief executive, these incidents occur immediately in the courts of the state: At Montgomery, a man was ar raigned upon an embezzlement charge. His counsel moved that the indict ment upon whicn the state sought to try him be quashed for the reason that it failed to charge that the de fendant received the sum mentioned in the true bill “in his official capaci ty.” It was further argued that the.; true bill was defective in that it al leged that the defendant embezzled check and did not mention money. The court held with the defense, and the case with those of eight other men was postponed. At Huntsville, the cases against two city officials and a former mayor, indicted by the last grand jury on charges of failing to preserve the bal lot boxes used in the city election, were thrown out of court. The solicitor ► agreed with the attorney for the de fense that there is no law to support ^the charges, and said he had so in ■fcrmed the grand jury, but that body Sj^nsted upon returning true bills not SH^ktsnding. another part ol' the Hum ville dispatch which will prove of! great interest: The fact that several members of the last grand Jury were excused during the sitting of that body and that other men were put on In their places had brought into question the validity of the true bills returned by tlie grand jury which made a very sensational report last Thursday, recommending the Impeachment of eight county officials. Leading attorneys o'f this city claim thut the true bills are invalid because during the term of the grand jury five Of the original 18 men were ex cused. Their interpretation of the law is to the efTect that the original 18 grand jurors must not be allowed to fall below 15 in number. The question will be brought up in the form of a demurrer when the first case growing out of the action of the grand jury is brought up on the docket of the law and equity court. On the other hand, several lawyers hero claim that the grand jury, although not competent to return a true bill, was competent to recommend Impeachment proceedings. Court officials are "up in the air" ap parently. Ninety-eight true bills were returned by the last grand jury. With such incidents of almost daily occurrence, is there any wonder that the law has fallen into disregard? Mr. Underwood’# Tour Oscar W. Underwood’s joumeyings over the state of Alabama are some what in the nature of a triumphal tour. The people everywhere are glad to see him, and they make the fact known in a manner that is unmistaka ble. They haven’t seen much of him in the past, although they have heard a great deal of him. This is because Mr. Underwood has been in Washington attending to the business he was chosen to perform. First came the splendid reception to Mr. Underwood in his home city of Birmingham. At Mobile he was ac corded ovation after ovation. Anniston made him thrice welcome with encore. Friday he was in Talladega and won new friends. Monday night he will be given a magnificent reception in Montgomery. Tuesday night Selma will extend itself to do him honor. And the best part of it all is that there is nothing of the returning con queror kind in Oscar Underwood. To day he is the same man personally he was when he was first sent to Con gress 20 years ago. He strives con stantly to live up to his conscience. In that lies the whole story of his suc cess. Wilson Brown Dead Few men had such a wide circle of acquaintance in Alabama, and few in deed had so many personal friends as Wilson R. Brown, whose death oc curred in New York yesterday. Less than a month ago Mr. Brown was watching tenderly at the bedside of his brother, William Garrott Brown, the distinguished editor and man of letters, who passed quietly away, far from his old Alabama fiome. Little did his friends think then that Wilson Brown was so soon to follow his brother to the grave. The news of his death was received with sincere regret by a vast number of citizens. Wilson Brown was a man of bril liant mind and large business ca pacity. He had been very prominent in the public life of this state. He was a felicitous speaker and a charm ing companion. His business inter ests had kept him in New York dur ing the past thrc^j years, but he loved Birmingham, and his Birmingham friends were truly devoted to him. His death will be mourned throughout the state^_ The Price of a Shave “Details, details,” was the constant demand of Sherlock Holmes. Mr. Holmes was right. Details are of the utmost importance, and the Ladies’ Aid society of a prominent church of the not prominent village of Coapke, N. Y., will heartily agree. The aid society held a fair, and the booth which did by far the most business was the one outside of whose curtains hung a sign conveying the enticing information that “Miss Emily Lawson will sell kisses; price 25 cents each.” And everybody knows that for kisses of even the mediocre variety that is real cheap. Business was good; the inference would be that the kisses were also. The till of the kissing booth showed receipts of $43 when an untoward event occurred. One young man, after paying a dollar for four oscula tions, came back from the tent where in the pretty face was displayed, and whispered to a friend: “Joe, there's just one trouble with that girl's kisses; she needs a shave.” Then business was rushing. There was a raid upon the tent by Coapke's young blades, all of whom wanted their money back, but not their kisses. “Miss Emily Lawson” turned out to be young Peter Broderick. Peter had been kept so completely employed that he had not bad time to use his safety razor. Members of the Ladies' Aid society protest that they had no part in the plot. But why feign indignation? Every quarter that Peter added to the church’s coffers was a whole lot more than earned. Hiram Johnson, governor of California, was given u spread in Chicago the other day. Time was when Hiram figured every day in "big type," but it Is hard for any one person to hold the spotlight long. Felix Dias tied lrom Mexico to escape trouble, but found it ill Havana. Mr. Harding’s land credit bank proposi tion, whl^h was unanimously indorsed by the Alabama Hand congress, will doubt less prove popular throughout the state. That was a good clause that provided that no one would receive any commis sions. Many of us recall the time when the most of the people in Massachusetts would have regarded a democratic vic tory in that state as a disaster unspeak able, but what’s the matter with the dem ocratic party? It’s all jight! A few weeks ago it was predicted that we would have an early and a hard win ter, but that n>recast was premature. We will doubtless have a good deal of freez ing weather, but just now Indian summer is in full play. In some business sections pessimists may be trying 10 assert themselves, but the big grain crops in the west and the big cotton crops in the south make for prosperity with a lfig “P.” Just as soon as Colonel Roosevelt's an alysis of the recent election returns comes from the wilds of South America this country can again turn its mind to thoughts of business. Harry Kemp has "roasted” England and Kipling in a poem, because he was put in Jail by English authorities. Such con duct is un-Christian. Poets should learn to forgive. The wedding of William F. McCombs and Miss Dorothy Williams is announced in London. No wonder Mr. McCombs didn’t hUve time to fool w’ith any ambas sadorship. Daniel O’Reilly, lawyer and former con vict, died, his friends assert, directly as the result of his imprisonment. The moral is that nobody should be sent to jail. George B. Ward, president of the city commission, is not indulging in pyrotech nics. Being sane and level headed is the secret of George B. Ward’s success. Those pert paragraphers who couldn't remember the name of the democratic candidate for governor of Massachusetts have had their memories refreshed. Coroner Spain says Jefferson county’s murder record for November is one a day. With all its past practice, Jefferson will do better than that. The prices charged—and paid—for Bir mingham real estate make a patriotic cit izen proud even of the Birmingham dirt that settles on his neek. A long string of bank failures in India is enotgh to make the people of that country return to their primitive practice of burying their gold. A famous beauty went through an ac cident and came, out of it with an added dimple. Speaking of luck, how’s this? An Ohio town killed more than 10,000 rats in six weeks. Rat sw’atting is far more exciting sport than fly swatting. - ■ ■ ■ —... Messrs. Castro, Abdul Hamid, Poflrio Diaz, Manuel and others are rehearsing a loud “Ha-Ha” for Huerta’s benefit. Indianapolis lias a street car strike that compares favorably in its warlike aspects with the situation in Mexico. • Harper’s Weekly says Hero Hobson poses overmuch. Well, he’s got 'to do something, hasn’t he? Whether a hard winter is predicted or not is immaterial to the man wdth a coat of fur on his tongue. “Stock ownership in regional banks to be ^riven to people.” Given, did you say? The first aid corps are all reported ready for today's football battles. HAPPY DAYS FOR REFUGEES From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Tlie Mexican putriot hesitated. Then he walked rapidly toward the nearest dock. Moored a reasonable distance from the fetid shore, a Yankee battleship glassed lierslf in the oily tide. At that moment a shrill cry pierced the heavy atmosphere. A dozen barefooted men in sugar loaf straw hats came pelt ing around the corner. They carried guns of various periods, and several knives, j At sight of them the patriot flung his I cloak over his shoulder and with a defiant glance backward was rowed by a wait ing boatman to the huge warship. “I seek,” he called to the officer of the deck, “the pr-r-r-roteetion of ze American flag.” Then he went aboard and calmly settled down to three square meals a day, a first class cabin and unlimited quantities of newspaper attention. For in these piping times of Mexican un rest there are wdrse jobs than refugeeing. HOBSON DOOMED From the Huntsville Democrat. From present appearances Captain Hob son is doomed to disappointment as re gards the race for United States senator. What will be coming to him, will have to be the proverbial Hobson's choice, and not one he would prefer. Underwood will win tliis race, wre believe, without a shadow of a doubt. THE YVKB1I BILL From the Anniston Star and Hot Blast. When Mr. Underwood stated that he fav ored the Webb bill when he could have killed it, he probably told the truth—a fact which will justify prohibitionists in lending him their Riipport, for no meas ure ever enacted has been of such value to their cause. 1*01N TED PAH At; K A 1*11 S From the Chicago News. The egotist thinks he has a good “1.” Few men care to say what they think about women. Great opportunities seldom employ an advance agent. An unmarried man never realizes how i many faults lie has. A little push will generally last longer than a political pull. Our idea of a queer woman is one who prefers comfort to style. “Look out for paint”—before falling in love with a beautiful complexion. A girl thinks her Hist beau has forgot ten more than her father ever knew. A man never knofts what he can do until he tries—then he may be sorry he found out. When a woman runs across the street to a neighbor’s house for just a minute she stuys an hour. Some men are proud of the fact that they have insomnia because they imagine »t indicates excessive brain work. After a woman has been trotting in | louble harness for a few years it makes I her fretful every time she sees it newly ' married couple making love. IN HOTEL LOBBIES (i«*uornl Ksteem for 1 ndernood “One does not have to be much of a traveler to know that Oscar W. Under wood is a great national hero,” said Philip G. Saunders of Maryland. “I visit Washington frequently, and I am in Philadelphia and New York from time to time. Since Mr. Underwood got a little respite from Cctfigress and came home, the eyes of the whole country seem to be upon this great southern states man. “In Washington a few days ago I was talking to a man from Seattle, and he told me that Underwood was regarded as one of the most popular democrats that had ever lived. This gentleman said that the Alabamian was esteemed through out the west, and that people In that part of the country took It for granted that he would have a landslide vote for the Sen ate. I don't see why Hobson don't with draw from the race.” The <iood Roads Meeting “Alabama has had two important con gresses this fall—the Southern Commer cial congress at Mobile, and the Ala bama Band congress in Birmingham—and the next important meeting will bo that of the Alabama Good Roads association at Mobile, beginning November 20,” said John W. O’Neill. “The general public is now beginning to appreciate what the Good Roads as sociation has done in arousing sentiment in favor of county bond Issues for mak ing flrst-class highways. While a great deal has been accomplished in good road building within the past few years, much yet remains to be done. President John Craft is heart and soul in this work. It ^is believed that the meeting in Mo bile will be largely attended. If all our people throughout the state will only bestir themselves and put their shoulder to the wheel, Alabama will in a short time become the leading state in the south in good roads.” \ew Rife in Old Cities “Richmond on the 'Jeems' is, if not the oldest city in the United States, not far from its two-hundredth anni versary; and it is worthy of note that few places show such evidence of splen - did expansion,” said Charles F. Caul ton of Boston. “I happen to live in a very historical city, but it is constantly growing. Bos ton will always preserve its venerable landmarks, but persons who have passed the three-score mark can look back and see certain iconoclastic ten dencies. Richmond with a population of about 150,000 is growing so fast and growing in such handsome style that the people there themselves can hardly take it In. I spent two days in Rich mond last month, and its modern pro gress struck me as being nothing short of phenomenal. It is one of the most beautiful cities in the world, and at the same time one of the most enter prising from a business point of view." Killed Five-Prong Deer. Col. W. B. I.eedy has returned from a successful hunting trip. Accompanied by his friend, A. L. Rison, the well known banker of Huntsville, he was a guest of the Greenwood Hunting club of Mobile. “The hunt lasted four days, and in tRat time we killed • an<^ brought into camp eight deer,” said Colonel Reedy. "Two more were killed, but they sank in the river and we did not get them. I was one of the lucky hunters and killed a five-prong buck, whose head, horns and hide I have shipped to a Boston taxi dermist. Our party had two houseboats, three gasoline launches, 12 guns and 16 dogs, and the hunting was good.” 'i'nlk.* About Party t'hnneen “Unless the national progressive party can rally and present a strong front In 1916 the democrats will have an easy vic tory,” said E. G. Raw ton of Chicago. “It looks now as if the old republican party would never be able to recover from its crushing defeat of 1912. I have been a voter since 1896, and I had always voted the republican ticket until last year when I cast my ballot for Wilson and Mar shall. "The progressive party organized by partisans of Colonel Roosevelt may cut a figure again in the next presidential elec tion; probably will, but I think it a safe guess the democrats will continue in power until 1920, if not longer. The re publican party had had its own way too long and had outlived its usefulness.” Money Pouring Info the South “I doubt if there was ever a year when the south as a whole was getting such fine prices for its principal crops,” said John V. Hanson of New York. ‘‘I have been two weeks south of the Potomac, and in that time.have visited several states. It had been five years since my last visit south, and I have been amazed at the wonderful strides that have been made recently. “In Virginia splendid tobacco crops have been made, and the prices are high. In the cotton states, while the staple crop is not as large this year as In 1911 when the high record was made, It is very large and on account of the high price It will bring more money than any cotton crop ever produced. Money Is pouring Into the south for its crops, and prosperity will certainly reign In this section throughout the winter.” ELECTION FOR UNDERWOOD From the Mobile Item. When it was given out in Birmingham on Tuesday that Governor O’Neal would make another appointment to the United States Senate1 to fill the vacancy created by the death of Senator Johnston, and would let the Senate pass on the validity of the appointment in order to settle the question of how the vacancy should be filled, The Item wired Representative Un derwood this question: “If appointed by Governor O’Neal to the United States Senate, will you accept the appointment?” Mr. Underwood has replied: “I'nless the democracy of Alabama se lects me as their candidate for senator l will not accept an appointment to the Senate.” The reply is what might have been ex pected from a man of the caliber of Os car Underw'ood. He wants the people of Alabama to pass on his qualifications. There is hardly a doubt that if the gov ernor had the power to appoint a senator and consulted the wishes of the people as expressed through their representatives, Air. Underwood would receive the appoint ment and the great majority of the people of Alabama would be satisfied. But Mr, Underwood wants no action on his behalf which might savor of politics. As in all his public service he is open and above board in his candidacy for the Senate. How different Air. Underwood's atti tude from that of his political opponent who jumped a train at Washington im mediately after the death of Senator Johnston and hurried to Alabama to tell Governor O'Neal that he had the power to appoint a senator. The more the people of Alabama know of Oscar Underwood the bigger will be their estimate of the representative who is already big in national affairs. -- «»«■■—■ THE SAFETY OF TRAVEL From Leslie’s. Travel never was safer than it Is to day. The danger by accident on sea or land has been minimized almost to the lowest degree. A remarkable calculation was recently made, based on statistics of accidents and mileage traveled on Ameri can railroads. It was found that the average railroad trip is 34 miles. Taking the fatalities on our railroads and divid ing them among the number of miles cov ered, wfe find that one could take 2,276,000 such trips safely before he would meet with an accident. If a traveler were to ride out this number of journeys, taking Jwo a day for every business day of the year, he could travel for 4000 years be fore his accident policy would be due. Accidents on sea are still less liable to occur, and in these days of wireless tel egraphy ocean travel Is safer than any other kind. One writer says there is more danger in one day of an accident to a man who walks the streets of any busy city than there is in six months' travel by railroad or a year’s travel by steamship. In other days, timity restrained the de sire for travel with a great majority of with the dangers lessened to such an ex their own and foreign lands. But now’, with the dangers lessened tot such an ex tent that they have become a negligible factor, timidity does not enter into the matter. Some of the timid ones believe that they are safer while traveling than while at home. The strict requirements regarding safety appliances on railroads and on the sea, established by governmental regulations, have had no little to do with the safety of the traveler. The promptness with which the railway and steamship man agers accept all the latest safety devices emphasizes the fact that they are ex tremely anxious to remove all possibility of danger to their patrons. I,I liE M'UJKK SAYS From the Cincinnati Enquirer. Father gets up earlier in the morning after election das’ so he can get the paper and get excited over the results. But mother can’t see anything in the paper to get excited over except the fact that the Black and White store advertises Canton flannel at 4H cents a yard, marked down from 6 cents. , Nobody exer expects to see a hippo potamus walk a wire. But did you ever see a fat woman trying to tip toe across a floor? Mooching matches has become one of our greatest outdoor sports. Commencement day in the school of ex perience never comes until the undertaker hangs a wreath on the door of the grad uate. Tlio biggest fool mistake a couple can make is to imagine they have to quit their love making just because they are man and wife. Another great mystery to every man is why a boy is in such a big hurry to grow up. A man doesn’t rare what his wife thinks of him when he refuses her money. But he will hand a strange waiter a dollar tip rather than have the strange waiter think he is cheap. Now that we have the initiative and referendum as a part of our state gov ernment, it is about time a woman’s In dlgnating committee got together and forced through a law compelling a wid ower to buy his first wife a tombstone before he could get'married again. A kiss Is a simple little thing and yet it is priceless. You may have noticed that the man who never forgets to kiss his wife before he leaves the house doesn’t purchase many automobiles for divorce lawyers. You may not notice it, but the day you begin to forget to kiss your wife marks the beginning of a gradual drifting apart. Kiss her and pat her on the back once in a while. She’ll like you for it, and it will be a big thing in your favor if she never has cause to doubt you. An engaged girl's idea of doing some thing devilish is to eat a raw onion. Outside of a good night’s sleep a man hasn’t much use for things that are good for him. OIK HONEST JEWELERS Kate Upson Clarke In Leslie's. Other jewelers may not thank us for telling tills*story, but It Is so creditable to the city of Boston where "our hero” lives that it ought to he told. A lady residing in a suburb of that famous town sent her diamond ring to a well-known shop there to he cleaned. A day or two later she took a Journey of several hours. When she reached her destination, she removed her glove, and, lo! the diamond had come out of her ring. A diligent searcli failed to reveal the lost stone. She waited until her return to her home, and when the diamond could not be found there she went to the Jeweler and told her story. "I am afraid that you loosened the stone when you cleaned it," she concluded. She had little idea that he would agree with her, but to her surprise, after carefully examining the setting, lie admitted, "I am fraid we did. I beg that you will se lect from my unset stones a diamond of about the size and quality of your old* one. and I will give you back your ring, looking as near as possible as it did when it was new.” And he never charged tfer a cent! Of course, he knew who the lady was, and that he could trust her to tell a true story. BLIND “HELLO” GIRLS From Leslie's. The Maryland School for the Blind has found a new Held of work for blind girls. It has just graduated six well-trained tel ephone operators who are able to render Hrst-class service with the regulation switchboard. Hearing and touch supple ment the loss of sight, but efforts are be ing made to* devise a new kind of board which will simplify the work and make for greater egiclency. Two blind girls are now running* the board at the central Young Men's Christian association in Bal timore with entire satisfaction to the service. Girls who enjoy the possession of all their faculties should maka room lor their blind sisters at the telephone switchboard. UNDERWOOD STRONG IN DALLAS From tlie Montgomery Advertiser. It. E. L. Neil, editor of the Selma Times, declares that in Dallas county, Oscar Underwood is running l’ar ahead of Captain Hobson, his competitcfl-. He says the victory of Underwood in Dallas will be overwhelming. "Captain Hobson is going to get some votes in Dallas,” said Mr. Nell. “Any man who gets up in Dallas and says that pro hibition is an issue and that he is the prohibition candidate, will get some votes on that statement. Eut there is no possi ble chance for Captain Hobson to run anything like even with, Underwood. I'd say that Underwood will get at least two to one o\**r Hobson in Dallas." ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES PROBABLY NOT. ‘Scribble says he writes all his love sonnets to imaginary women." "And I don't suppose there would be any objections offered if he mailed all his* love sonnets to imaginary editors," FORLORN OBJECTS. "There is something pathetic about a deserted house that has fallen into ruins." "Yes, Indeed. And sometimes a pair of discarded suspenders will move a senti mental person to tears.” ALMOST THE RIGHT WORD. "I see w'here a western city plans to have a reservoir that will furnish an un limited water supply," remarked Mr. Judkin. "Oh—ah—really?" yawned Miss Gad ders. "I've been told that irritation In the west has worked wonders." KISMET. A humorist roamed The wildwood free And fell asleep 'Neath a chestnut tree. STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN. » A Kansas man called a plumber to Ox a leak in his kitchen. The bill was 65 cents—5 cents for material and 60 cents for the work. No wonder the dumb founded man has rushed into print to tell what has befallen him and thinks of hav ing the bill framed. . AN EXPLOSIVE TEMPER. Old Mr. Byrd Is always hot; His favorite word is “Tommyrot!” NOT WORTH IT. "Pa. what Is meant by the banquet board?" "The banquet bored, son, are people who sit and listen to three hours of chin mu sic for the privilege of eating $1.10 worth of food." alMIIHMIlMIHMmHHMfllMIMMtlllHmHIII MERRY MAIDENS. A maiden at Rawlins, Wyoming, , By the window her hair she stood comb ing. Said a man in the street, "Golly. Mike, ain’t she sweet?” And she was, standing there in the gloam ing. —Dix Merritt, in Nashville Banner. \ - A maiden in Springfield, Missouri, Was asked could she serve on a Jury, And be just to each side. Bobbed her head and replied: "I could ladle out justice like fury.” —Judd Lewis, in Houston Post. A maiden who lives in Shenango, Thought she'd take a wee fling at the tango; When she flew in the air And lost all her back hair. She said, "Goodness, where did my bang go?" —Charles A. Leody, in the Youngstown Telegram. A mfciden who lives in East Totten, Her name, I confess, is forgotten, Read Shakespeare one day, In a casual way, And said. “Holy smoke! This stuffs rot ten.” HIS FACETIOUS WAT. "Pa, what is a near-humorist?” "A near-humorist, son, Is a person wild j says A’hen he finds an oyster in a stew, ‘Well, well, little stranger, what aro you doing here?’ ’’ RATHER UNUSUAL. A Missouri preacher who disappeared left a note saying, "I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.” We have always thought that preachers had a well defined notion of where they were going. A SURMISE. "Dobbs is a mild-mannered man." “Yes he is, I wonder if he’s naturally so, or married?” PLAIN WORDS. “Don’t you think Twobble has a lofty soul?” “No. I think he has a ten-eent soul elevated on the stilts of his own conceit.” PAUL COOK'. .- t A DISAPPEARING TYPE From the New York Post. THERE was burled yesterday a man of great riches and great folly, dead at 37. His end was undoubt edly hastened by excesses, though these were not all of the vulgar, roistering kind. It was a case, rather, of temperamental debauchery, an entirely perverse and mis taken attitude toward life. His coming into control of millions of money went to ids head. lie could think of nothing but speed and glitter and splurge. For him travel must mean special trains breaking the record. The thing to do was to toss the waiter a $1000 bill and tell him to keep thte change. Son of a stock exchange “plunger,” his sole idea seemed to be to make of life one prolonged plunge. Plen ty of lights and a continual parade were closely bound up with his notion of human happiness. He ostentatiously took for his motto: “A short life but a merry one.” It was certainly short, but was it merry? Putting the matter merely on the ground of the “fun” to be got out of life, did not this man make a sad mess of his opportunities? Reckless prodigality and riotous living are often preached against and condemned as sinful, and so they are. Hut mere reproach on moral or religious grounds, or reminders of the fearful look ing for of judgment which at times must haunt the sinner, cannot strike home as does the very spectacle of a mad career defeating itself and carrying its own pun ishment along with it day by day. With many, w’e think, a more powerful appeal could be made on the score of stupidity and futility than on that of wickedness alone. The argument underlies President Eliot’s address on “The Durable Satisfac tions of Life.” Satisfactions may be sought, and pleasures, but they ought to be of the sort that go on mounting from year to year, and do not burn out mis erably to tiie socket. What punishment of habitual sins could be more severe than the satiety which dogs them? A giddy youth cannot get flown with wine more tlian so many times; he cannot very long find exhiliration in lighting cigarettes with $100 bills; his most wild and foolish in ventions in the way of indulgence and revelry soon pall upon him. An immense weariness inevitably descends upon him, and the moments recur oftener when ho turns with something like loathing from the devices which bo has resorted to in order to make ids jaded sensibilities vi brate, with the mournful confession, “I have no pleasure in them.’’ And often, as in the instance referred to, just as the period has been reached when plans should be maturing and the outlook for durable satisfactions broadened, the furies come and slit the thin spun threud of lire Tlie rake is an old typ< have the poor always with us, so we seem to have the gilded fool. But there is some com fort in the thought that the type Is, on the whole, disappearing. Especially in this country has the placing of large wealth in the hands of a young man ceased to mean the almost Inevitable moral degeneration which was onco thought of as the general rule. It is not so much an access of virtue which Is re sponsible for the change, us an access of good s^jse, with improved social stand ards and new convictions of public duty. It is no longer "good form" to be a harum-scarum debauchee. Instead of be ing thought amusing, he is regarded as disgusting. And there is a gain In the very fact of being more accustomed to large fortunes. Our society is steadier about them now. They do not so fre quently Intoxicate youth coming into their possession. It would be possible to name a considerable number of young men, with a great deal posal. who are minded of time and money to old type of with its warnings, going and useful the time becoming Fashion, even In thing to have on the matter of which we are can be no doubt that the than it used to be. tVhat to contend against Is a kind tradition in favor of the young "spender.” He how far more genial than Clive Neweome Is pitted But we are coming to see the all this. To be a "good not necessarily imply that a rich young man must necessarily ho a great fool. There can be as much real Joy of life— and much more lasttng-I nthe long and interested pursuit of tome object worthy of human Intelligence, as In devotion to things that perish with the using. And the world Is happily awaking to tile need, In the face of all the discontent and po litical peril which the sight of misem ployed wealth provokes,\)t insisting that rlctiesse, too, oblige. HOBSON SHOULD WITHDRAW From the Pell City Progress. Mr. Underwood s candidacy should not be confused with the liquor question. It means much more than that. Mr. Un derwood Is Alabama's foremost citizen, the south's greatest statesman, the dem ocratic leader and one of the nation's big gest men. His record since Mulch Is tho record of his i>arty, the record of the ad ministration. There is no escape from tho ) conclusion that the defeat of Mr. Under- ' | wood in lfis homo state would be the greatest calamity that could befall the President and the democratic party. It would place a weapon In the hands of tho opposition that would bring about Mr. Wilson's defeat for re-election. Consid erations such as these must outweigh the desires and ambitions of any single man. Personally we would have liked to 3-« Mr. Hobson In the Senate. We think he would have adorned tho place. Hut di appointments and delgys must come to us all. Mr. Hobson Is a young man both in years and legislation experience. Ills character and political achievements are not in any wide sense associated with that record which Is to spell success oi'M failure of a party recently restored l >* power. This is a responsibility that be longs peculiarly to Mr. Underwood. Con ditions have changed since Mr. Hobson first announced for the Senate. To keep in the race will deeply embarrass hie friends and supporters. Mr. Hobson should recognize these changed conditions. He should retire from the present cam paign and announce for re-election from his district as Mr. Clayton did. There is another senatorial opportunity not far dis tant. Others will follow that. In tho natural course of events Mr. Hobson will be living and still better prepared t > grasp thut opportunity. By retiring and leaving tlie held to Mr. Underwood there i Is no power thut could prevent Mr. Hob- '* son ultimately, ami in the fullness of his own physical and mental vigor, from wearing with credit to lilmselt and to the people of his state one of Alabama's sen atorial togas. Nothing that Hobson could do in the Senate could compensate for the losses attaching to Underwood's defeat. So even In success Hobson would drink the cup of party disaster. No democrat In America can step to national influence ! over the political corpse of Oscar Under wood, and Alabama is not yet quite ready to play pallbearer at the funeral. ON THK BOULEVARDS From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. The latest Parisian slang is "Thanks for the lobster.” Nobody in Paris seems to understand Its meaning, but all the gay Parisians use It. That's the fault with the slang on the Seine. You can't an alyse It. It doesn't bear Inspection. Nor dissection. Looked at from an analytical standpoint the acknowledgement of the a la New burg material Is meaningless. , But Just for a moment Imagine mon sieur, tho prcsidente of the republlqne, gravely remarking to monsieur, the minis ter of the marine: “Merci pour la lob, staire." Or something liko it. CARGOES By John Masefield. Q.ulnoulrelan of Nineveh from distant Op Stately Spanish galleon coming from tl.i Isthmus, j ; Dipping through the tropics by the palm,' i green shores, i With a cargo of diamonds, , Emeralds, amethysts, a Topazes and cinnamon, and gold moU | dores. ■Dirty British coaster with a salt caked BE smokestack, Hbtting through the channel in the mad IK March days, I ^■Ith a cargo of Tyne coal, IHFoad rails, pig lead, > Firewood, ironware and -cheap tin trays.