THE AGE-HERALD
E. W. BARRETT..
Entered at the Birmingham. Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1879.
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Birmingham, Ala.
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Every time
Serves for the mutter (lint is ilieu
born In H.
_\ ninny and l I copal ra.
Gifts to the Bride
The present of the House of Repre
sentatives to Miss Jessie Wilson is a
diamond pendant—the technical name
escapes us at the moment—but in the
poetic words of the unpoetical Mr.
Mann it is something which will ever
be tasteful and which will be cher
ished more and more by the fair recip
ient with the recurring years. Mr.
Martine, of Miss Wilson’s home state
of New Jersey, was named by his com
peers of the Senate to select the of
ficial gift of that body. His choice
was a set of silver. Which reminds
one:
When Miss Alice Roosevelt married
Nicholas Longworth, her presents rep
resented in the aggregate a sum esti
mated at a quarter of a million dol
lars. Included were 12 sets of silver,
10 sets of fancy dishes, two complete
sets of cut glass, one of Venetian
glass, 25 handsome clocks, 12 oriental
rugs, 15 dozen-sets of silver spoons,
and knives and forks the number of
which it wohld require an adding ma
chine to compute.
The stork has often visited the
vicinity of the Longworth home in
•“Cincinnati, but he has never alighted
upon that particular roof. Will the
Longworths ever have use for the
beautiful and costly things luvised
upon them? It is doubtful. Probably
the clocks and the silver and the cut
glass and all are much more a burden
than a pleasure. If they are all kept at
home, they are a standing invitation
to burglary. If they are placed in safe
deposit vaults, storage must be paid.
Miss Wilson's presents probably
will exceed in number and value those
of Miss Roosevelt’s. Mr. Sayre is by
no means a rich man, and the house
hold of the young couple will not be
maintained upon a scale out of keep
ing with his salary. Many gifts show
ered with the best intention upon the
pair will be found of little real ser
vice, perhaps; but after all these
tokens of esteem and goo3 will on the
occasion of a White House wedding
are based chiefly on sentiment and
no one should be disposed to under
value it.
Regular Army Efficiency
Nearly every new Secretary of War
m taking up his work desires to do
something for the betterment of the
service. Elihu Root as Secretary of
War reorganized the army and estab
lished the present staff system. His
work was the most radical undertaken
in the department since the war. The
change fnade for efficiency and was
approved by most of the higher of
ficers.
Secretary Garrison started on a
tour of inspection of the government’s
military posts soon after he entered
upon his duties, and having familiar
ized himself in a general way with
the army, he has signified his inten
tion of asking for legislation that will
further increase the efficiency of the
regulars. He favors the concentration
of the army at a few points and the
closing of scores of posts now garri
soned by small bodies of men. He
probably would have had his concen
tration plan worked out before now
but for the fact that large bodies of
soldiers have been mobilized on the
Mexican border ready for any' emer
gency. About twenty thousand regu
lars are now assembled together in
Texas and are thoroughly organized
on a war footing.
It is sincerely hoped that President
Wilson’s peace policy will continue to
prevail. No right minded man wants
\ war, if the United States can keep
out of it with honor; but the mobiliz
ing of troops near Mexico has enabled
colonels and general officeis to gain
experience in commanding full regi
ments and brigades that they could
never gain when the regular army was
all scattered. The higher officers are
• now having the very sort of experi
ence that was to be afforded them by
Secretary Garrison’s concentration
policy.
After the Mexican situation clears
up the Secretary of War will doubtless
proceed to introduce the plan of
abandoning the majority of posts and
stationing brigades at such central
points as would make the army quick
ly available for mobilization and alto
gether more efficient than it has been
even in the recent past, when effici
ency has been the watch word.
.
Majority Should Be Sweeping
Oscar Underwood’s majority should
be sweeping enough to reflect distinct
credit upon Alabama.
It is a great thing for any state
to have one of its sons achieve na
tion-wide fame. Alabama has been
thus honored many times. Before the
war we had William R. King, states
man and diplomat. He was elected
vice president of the United States on
the ticket with Franklin Pierce. Since
the war no state has sent abler men to
Congress than Alabama. Hilary A.
Herbert, for long years in the House
and finally in President Cleveland’s
cabinet, was recognized as one of the
greatest men the south has produced.
John T. Morgan, the father of the
isthmian canal mgasure, was re
garded by the whole country as_ a sen
ator of transcendent statesmanship.
Within the past twenty years Ala
bama has had man'y xpen in Congress
who have distinguished themselves,
but no Alabamian of this generation
has risen to the height of Oscar
Underwood; few American statesmen
of our times, indeed, have quite meas
ured up to him.
As democratic leader in the House
he maintained harmony at a critical
period when dissension threatened. He
has been, in fact, an incomparable
leader, and now that he has accom
plished signal work in the popular
branch of Congress, the democracy
from one end of the country to the
other is looking forward with -eager
expectancy to the time when he will
have a seat in the Senate.
The importance of the national in
terest in Underwood is being appre
ciated more and more here at home.
His defeat by Hobson would be re
garded as nothing short of a calamity
to the democratic party.
But Underwood will be elected. As
The Age-Herald said the other day,
he will carry every district in the
state; but his supporters should be
satisfied with nothing less than an
overwhelming majority. The bigger
the majority the higher Alabama will
stand in the estimation of the world
at large.
Underwood and Hobson are men of
opposite types, but both attract
crowds whenever they are announced
to address public meetings. That was
a great ovation that Underwood had
at Dothan Thursday, but it is just
such an ovation as he will have in
other parts of the state, Alabama’s
electorate is made up largely of think
ing men. The majority of men in the
cities think before they vote, and it
is the same way with the farmers. The
democratic party was never stronger
in Alabama than it is today, and
therefore it stands to reason that Un
derwood should poll a sweeping ma
jority. It will be a landslide if every
democrat does his duty.
The Free Dispensary
Plans for building and equipping
the University Fr^e Dispensary on a
site owned by the state adjoining the
University’s Graduate School of Med
icine call for an expenditure of $125,
000. The public spirited citizens who
formed the canvassing teams to raise
by private subscription the needed
money secured about $50,000 in the
few days allowed for the canvass.
All things considered this was a re
markably fine achievement.
The university authorities will pro
ceed at once to erect a free dispen
sary building to take the place of the
temporary wooden building now in
use. It has been decided to construct
the dispensary plant in units. As none
of the money now raised will have to
I be used for a site, $50,000 will pay
not only for a large and substantial
building but will allow a considerable
part of the amount to be expended for
equipment.
The balance of the $125,000 needed
can easily be raised next spring or
next fail, and in the meantime the
free dispensary work will go on for
the relief of the suffering poor. And
when the first unit of the permanent
building is completed this city will be
far better supplied with free dispen
saries than many cities of approx
imately Birmingham’s size.
Free Night School
The Birmingham board of educa
tion has shown broad-mindedness and
the right sort of civic spirit in open
ing a free night school for young men
and young women in the Paul Hayne
building.
Thfe school will begin next week and
will be conducted for the benefit of
‘‘those who from necessity have been
unable to attend the regular day
school, or whose education for what
ever reason is limited and who desire
to further equip themselves in order
to meet the demands made upon them
in life.” ^
The course which will be offered
S.
is to consist of reading, writing, spell
ing, language and arithmetic; and in
addition to classes in these elementary
subjects, there will be classes in book
keeping, mechanical drawing, cooking
and sewing. There will be a special
class for foreigners who wish to learn
English.
Birmingham’s public school system
has long been noted for its high stand
ard and for its excellent results.
Greatly handicapped as the school
system is because of lack of school
room, efficiency has been the aim and
rule. And now that a night school is
to be opened many worthy boys and
girls who have to work for a living,
but who have aspirations, will be able
to acquire knowledge that will ad
vance them materially and socially.
If the enrollment next Monday is
as large as expected, night schools
will probably be established in other
public school buildings, and the board
has agreed that whenever a sufficient
demand warrants new classes will be
formed for the study of any school
subject that may be desired.
Vocational school work is proving
popular in all cities, and it is about
to be introduced in the smaller towns
of Alabama. But nothing that has
been done in Birmingham recently has
been of quite so much practical inter
est, perhaps, as the opening of the
free night school.
A cablegram from. London to the
New York Sun a few days ago told of
a document recently brought to light
which goes to prove that King Charles
I t of England had, a Jesuit son. The
facts were gathered from the Unlta
Calholica of Rome, The story runs
thus: The King's son presented him
self on April 11, 1668, to the chief of
the Jesuits in the Vatican under the
name of James de la Cloche of Jersey.
After thorough inquiry it was ascer
tained that, in point of fact, the young
man was the natural son of Charles
II and a lady of the English aris
tocracy. It is added that three au
thentic documents iir. support of this
statement have been found in the ar
chives of the Jesuits at Rome. These
are: 1. An autograph letter of Queen
Christina of Sweden. 2. An autograph
letter of Charles II, dated Whitehall,
September 27, 1665. In which the King
admits his paternity and declares that
James Stuart, who up to that time had
been living in France and elsewhere
under a false name, had for the fu
ture taken the name of James de la
< loche of Jersey. 3. A letter, addressed
two years later under date of Feb
ruary 7, 1669, by King Charles II, to
his son, who was then studying in Hol
land. The King died in communion with
the Roman Catholic church.
Ladles W'ho keep in close touch' with
fashionable society say that the tango
can be reformed and made entirely un
objectionable. In fact, instances of the
reformed tango are being mentioned.
Emperor William and other personages
who have put the ban on the style of
dance referred to may lift the ban
when they see the latest improvement;
but the Emperor is old-fashioned
enough, doubtless, to prefer the grace
ful waltz that moves rhythmically to
the music of Gungl, Johann Strauss and
Waldteufel, and the stately minuet, to
any of the newer d'ances.
An early severe winter in this neck
of the .woods was predicted by the
goosebone prophets lilt it is -a safe
guess that urn will have Radian
summer with a few breaks right up to
Christmas, But there will be probably
enough chilly temperature to make
overcoats and other winter apparel in
demand.
The Underwood rally at the Gipsy
Smith auditorium tonight will be a
great event. Mr. Underwood will bo
present and the demonstration will
doubtless be or monster size. The aud
itorium has a capacity for accommo
dating 7009 and all the space should
be occupied.
Gertrude Hoffman came and went with
out seriously upsetting the equilibrium of
Birmingham, although it is true that a
few old fashioned people who slipped into
the theatre as inconspicuously as possi
ble, gasped at her performance.
... —* *
Two women who went to jail to see
what it would be like are not at ail
pleased with their experience. They seem
to overlook the fact that jails are not
supposed to be coddling institutions.
With 17 district Tammany leaders in
favor of retaining Alurphy and 16 either
opposed to him or indifferent to him, ills
spat on the hack of the tiger doesn't ap
pear -to be any too safe.
--
Alabama democrats can always dis- |
tinguish a statesman from the politi- i
clan who plays the demagogue or the
mud-slinging office seeker.
A celebrated French variety star brought
her own hen to this country. Her press
agent, however, continues to do most of
the cackling.
Huerta is said at times to display flashes
of humor. However, he fails to see the
humorous aspect of his present situation.
Pittsburg claims to have the perfect
man. Heretofore Pittsburg has been
chiefly famous for its spenders.
Navajo Indians are on the war path,
but it won’t hurt the Navajo blanket
industry.
The gobbler destined for Thursday’s
dinner is now* doing his final turkey trot
ting.
Football, so to speak, is once more on
its last legs.
SPIRITED RIVALRY
From the Pensacola News.
Birmingham and Montgomery are striv
ing to see which can give Underwood tlie
biggest majority in proportion to popula
tion. They are working for Underwood
rind letting the hero of the Merrimac work ;
ugainst himself.
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
litkea Kurniing
William Johnston, son of the late Sena
tor Joseph F. Johnston, was here yester
day. He was formerly a popular and
well known citizen of Birmingham, but
has been engaged in farming in Madison
county for the past two years.
“I am very fond, of farm life," said Mr.
Johnston. "I have a 500-acre farm about
five miles from Huntsville. The soil is
of the best. I am encouraged in my agri
cultural venture, and I think I will find
it decidedly profitable. T am paying espe
cial attehtion to the raising of hogs and
cattle. I have a good corn crop, and
clover ort my farm is very rich."
Mr. Johnston said that Underwood senti
ment in Madison county was very strong,
but that Hobson'8 supporters were also
numerous. “Underwood will undoubtedly
carry Madison," said he, “but by what
majority I cannot now estimate."
ItrlMk TourlMt Season
“The tourist season is on in full sw ing, ’
said D. T. Blake, city passenger agent
of the Illinois Central. "Tourists are now
pouring into Chicago by the hundreds and
all of these visitors take trains for the
south.
“More than 200 pleasure or health seek
ers passed through Birmingham one day
this week on the Seminole Limited bound
for Florida poirfts. At this time of the
year the northerner begins to think of
the balmy southern clime and he looks at
all the time tables, finally selecting a
train that he thinks will get him to Flor
ida as quickly as possible.
“It is roughly estimated that more than
200,000 people from the middle wrest make
a trip south during the three winter
months. This includes homeseekers as
w?ell as those on pleasure bent."
A Great MiiNienl Work
“I understand that Handel’s great ora
i torio, the ‘Messiah,’ will be rendered un
der the baton of Mr. Rienzi Thomas in the.
First Methodist church on the Sunday
afternoon before Christinas,” said J. D.
McGill of the Arion society.
“It is tiie purpose of Mr. Thomas to
have the Arions unite with the Treble
Clef club and. the regular choir of the
First Methodist church in the rendition
of the oratorio. When Mr. Guckenberger
lived here he gave the ‘Messiah’ at Christ
mas tide every year, but it bas not been
heard in Birmingham for some time. Mr.
Thomas is an experienced and able direc
tor, and If we have rehearsals enough
the performance should be highly credit
able to all taking part.”
Tli« Widened Side walks
“No city that I liave visited recently
has shown so much Improvement, to say
nothing of increased population, as Bir
mingham,” said R. T. Mannes of Chicago.
"I had not been here for three years
until this week. There has been a great
deal of big construction work in Birming
ham. The business district is tilling up
with skyscrapers, and the 25-story bank
building is sure to attract the attention of
strangers. Among the smaller improve
ments, but improvements worth while, I
think, are the widened sidewalks in the
congested part of Birmingham. It is well
to have wide streets from curb to curb,
but it is more important to h^ye wide
sidewalks.
“I wonder that all our modern cities dd
not adopt the street plan that has dis
tinguished Paris. That city, as all trav
eled people know, has elegant paved
streets and very wide concrete sidewalks.
Many of Chicago's sidewalks are of
proper width, but there are many com
paratively nariow sidewalks, which will
be widened later on.”
The Democratic AdminiMt ration
"I voted the progressive ticket a year
ago, and had the republican in other
years, but I am unwilling to admit that
j President Wilson is making an uncom
monly strong President,” said N. D.
Chambers of Philadelphia.
•‘Although a republican, I was in favor
of tariff revision downward, and the Un
derwood bill, now law*, seems about
right. As to the currency, I am not well
enough versed in that complex matter to
say how the legislation should be. The
President seems to be taking a hand in it,
and his ideal' may be wrong; but I ap
prove fully of President Wilson's Mexican
policy. The people do not want war and
our# government is not going to have war
if it can possibly keep out of it.”
The Iron Market
The local Iron market 1ms been dull
for some 4*no, and it has been feature
less this week. Matthew Afldy & Co.’s
Cincinnati report just issued says that
“iron masters are beginning to be more
hopeful.” After referring to the recent
unsatisfactory condition of the market the
report goes on to say:
“But the developments of the week in
dicate that there is still strength In the
market and that iron is being consumed
apparently in normal quantities. 'In the
first place, there has been some good buy
ing and at the prevailing prices. Buyers
have not been able to find sellers who
were offering a premium for the privilege
of supplying their demands. In the sec
ond place, there has been a hurry call
for shipments.
“Consumers are watching the market
with care. So far but little 1914 iron has
been purchased, and it is evident that
there can be no lower quotations unless
the furnaces are willing to contract at
prices which inevitably mean heavy losses,
or unless there is a wholesale readjust
ment of wages. That is Impossible. The
cost of living is a* stone wall in the way
of any such programme. Wages make up
aboiat 90 per cent of the cost of iron and
for years there has been a steady In
crease in the cost of labor.
“The Steel corporation officials all pre
dict that this period of constriction will
be merely temporary and that within a
short time the country will enter on a
season of expansion and better times.”
PROPER NAMES
Robert E. Kelley in the New York Sun.
Back In the ’70s at a college in the heart
of the Blue Ridge mountains, not many
miles from Mason and Dixon’s line, and
within easy access of Richmond, Trench’s
“On tile Study of Words” and Trench’s
"English Past and Present” were studied,
thumbed and conned over with a gusto
that made philology and linguistics a
downright pleasing pastime. This was the
day wheq all knowledge was considered
as solid, practical, useful, especially the
knowledge of the classics, and eclecticism
end specialization were but taint clouds
on the educational sky. ’Twas then stu
dents learned from an erudite and elo
quent professor's lips that proper names
too had poetry, history and romance, as
well as the common monosyllables and
sesquipedalia of our language.
One of the rules inculcated then, and
which we were told was as inflexible as
the laws of the Medes and Persians, was
that the correct rule as to the pronun
ciation of proper names was to pro
nounce them as the owners pronounce
them regardless of phonetics and orthog
raphy. To the foreigner nothing is so
inexplicable and inscrutable as the pro
nunciation of English proper names. In
numerable jests, lampoons, puns and
pasquinades have been made and writ
ten on name'3 renowned in English life
and story.
. There’s Gloucester pronounced “Glos
ter,” Wemys pronounced “Weems,”
Glands pronounced “Glains,” Charteris
propounced “Charters,” Methuen pro
nounced ' “Mgthren,” and Duchesne pro
nounced “Ducane.’ The uninitiated is lia
ble to paralysis of the vocal cords when
he first essays to pronounce Cholmonde
ley “Chumley,” Marjoribanks "March
banks,” Brougham "Broom,” Colquhoun
“Colvoon,” Levison-Gower “Luson
Gower,” or Bethune “Beeten.” Every
body knows that Derby is pronounced
“Darby” and Cowper “Cooper,” but who
would expect or suspect “Coatley” to
be properly spelled Cololough, or “Sille
ger” St. Deger?
Other eccentric pronounciationa are
'Mingis” for Menzies, “Slnjun” for St.
John, “Riven” for Ruthven, “De Beever”
for De Belvoir, “Beecham” foj* Beau
champ, “Air” for Eyre^and “Kar” for
Ker. The change of “o” to ”u” is seen
In Ponsonby, pronounced “Punsby,” Mon
son pronounced "Munson” and Conygham
pronounced “Cunningham.* The name of
Baden-Powcll, the hero of Mafeking and
founder of the Boy Scouts, is “Gaden
Pole.” Sir Alexander Cockburn, once a
chief justice, 'statesman and lawyer of
England, was known as Sir Alexander
"Coburn.” Sir Edward Coke, jurist and
publicist, is pronounced Sir' Edward
“Cuk.” Our own American patriot and
fighter, Sam Houston, is called “Hustin”
everywhere save In Manhattan, where we
have “Howston.”
Many a waisn nave i Known wno pro
nounced his name "Welsh,” and many a
Welsh or Welch who called himself
"Walsh.” A street known the world over
is spelled Pall Mall, but pronounced
"Pelmell.” The hard and fast rule re
garding the pronounciation of "proper
names" may be all right, but It surely
is conducive to an attack of vertigo when
we are told that the Virginia “nomen”
Enroughty spoils “Darby.” This remark
able oddity in pronunciation I first heard
39 years ago from a professor of English
who claimed acquaintance with the En
roughty-Darbys. Since then I have met
scores from the “Old Dominion" w'ho
tell me the family is not a myth but the
pronunciation is sui generis wit hthfs
idiosyncratic family of "Darby.” Thu
name Taliaferro, mentioned by your cor
respondent ”M. R. W.,” is one well known
in Georgia; in fact, there is a place
in that state so named and pronounced
"Toliver." Louisiana has a distinguished
family of the same name, spelling and
pronunciation is sul generis with this
on the supreme court bench of Louisiana
previous to and during reconstruction
days.
“What's in a name?” It would geem
that at times there are more inconsisten
cies and contradictions than are dreamed
of in the philosophy of the philologist, the
genealogist or the lexicographer.
hanging a woman
Prom the New York World.
The Connecticut woman suffragist who
protests against the movement to secure a
pardon for Mrs. Wakefield, sentenced to
he hanged for murdering her husband, Is
made of steYner stuff than most of her
sex, and than most men, too. She has
the strength of mind to regard only tha
fact of the hideous crime committed and
the extreme penalty held to be just in the
eyes of the law. and to leave aside the
question of the murderer's sex.
The average person Is filled with horror
at the thought of a woman being hanged,
while accepting as a matter of course
that the law should claim the life of the
male criminal guilty of murder. When
ever a case arises like that of Mrs.
Wakefield, it is made the occasion for an
outbreak. of false sentiment in whien
every circumstance but one—that a
woman is to he put to death—Is over
looked.
People do not rebel because murderers
are made to feel the hangman's knot.
They do dot demand the abolition of cap
ital punishment as a survival of barbar
ism. They clamor that the law be sus
pended for the sole reason that the mur
derer happens to be a woman.
The law should take its course In Mrs.
Wakefield's case. The penalty fits the
crime under the Connecticut law, and the
law recognizes no exceptions for the ben
efit of wives who kill their husbands.
THE RIFLE MICROMETER
From Outing.
The modern rifleman does not trust his
hand and eye to make the delicate ad
justments in elevation on his sights. Such
methods would be entirely too inaccurate
for the present high standard of shoot
ing, for the eye cannot see an adjustment
finer than about .01 of an inch, and the
hand bungles this rough adjustment into
a still greater error. Instead a little in
strument called a micrometer sight ad
juster is used. This instrument adjusts
and records movement of l-150.th of an
inch which are called minutes. The
changing of the elevation one minute
causes tlie shot to strike higher or lower
on the target 1 inch for every 100 yards
of range; that is, 2 inches at 200 yards,
6 inches at 600 yards, and so on. Thus
the rifleman is able to adjust his rifle
to inches on the target, and if he is
shooting, say, 12 inches low at 600 yards
he merely raises his elevation 2 minutes
and he will then shoot into the center of
the bull. So convenient' is this, and so
much more accurate than the hand and
eye method, that it is practically uni
versally used at ‘all ranges of 500 yards
and over, and riflemen no longer speak
of so many yards elevation, but of so
many minutes.
THE UNSATISFIED
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
“I’m in an organization where the mem
bers are expected to furnish the secretary
with photographs of themselves.”
“Yes?”
“Well, I hadn't been to a photographer's
for 30 years. I hated to go. I remem
bered the old head clamp, and’the twisted
spine, and the awkward hands, and the
depressed chin and the silly smile. It
seemed to me worse than the dentist’s.
But 1 had to go. I walked into the pho
tographer's big room like a Christian
martyr and the operator pointed out a
chair and l sat down and Jie said, ‘That’s
all.’ 1 asked him to repeat it. He did.
Then I got out of the chair and went back
to my office.”
“Well?”
“Well, I don’t feel right about it. It
didn’t seem to me w’orth while. I don’t
think the protographer treated me right.
It looked to me as if he had a disagree
able job on his hands and wanted to shirk
it. He should have fussed over me more.
What do I know about posing? Besides,
there wasn't time. ‘That’s all,’ he said,
and flipped me out of the chair. They
didn’t snub me that way 20 years a-50.
No, sir!”
AND SO ARE THE KIDDIES
From the Columbiana People’s Advocate.
The Birmingham zoo has got an ele
phant, and we are glad of it.
1 ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
■
THE TOLU
An aviator skimmed the skies,
And lightly smiled on all below;
But now a battered form he lies,
Nor cares how hard the wind may blow.
His was the deed that thrilled the crowd
And his the daring flight through space,
Who calmly rests beneath a shroud,
A quiet look upon his face.
LOCATED.
"It is reported that the bustle is coming
back."
"Back is where it is worn, I believe.”
SARTORIAL.
"Somehow, people don't expect much in
an intellectual way of the man who wears
a fancy vest.”
"That’s true. They seem to think that
the pattern of his mind resembles in some
measure the pattern of his waistcoat."
SENSIBLE AND MODEST.
"There are all kinds of smart people in
the world, but a man like Twobbls com
mands my respect."
"Why so?"
"When he talks he never tries to im
press his hearers by using long words
that he doesn't know how to pronounce.”
BADLY RATTLED.
When Dobhle had his picture taken
He seemed to lose tils former poise
And sat there like a sere, leaf shaken
And started at the slightest noise.
Perhaps he feared his face would shatter
To bits the photographic plate;
The "artist" asked him, "What's the mat
ter?"
He cried, "Shoot! Shoot! I cannot wait.”
ONE BLESSING.
The cave man lived
In a cheerless lair,
But lie never heard
A ragtime air.
A DOLEFUL RECOLLECTION.
"I fear Hopkins makes a fetich of
stomach.”
“Well, it may not be as bad as tti
but he still remembers the time, 20 yet
ago, when he became desperately ill
the day before Thanksgiving and couldn't
eat a bite.”
STILL HANGS ON.
Once more we hear
Toymakers shout,
“The Teddy bear
Is playing out!”
CASE IN POINT.
*‘Pa, what is a misnomer?”
“A misnomer, my son, is the word 're
freshments’ applied to the stuff one man
buys another man when they are down
town at night.”
AN INDISPENSABLE QUANTITY.
In every household there is found
The self-denial all complete
That carves and passes things around
And watches all the others eat.
—Philander Johnson in Washington Star#
In every household there is met
A trudging, drudging, patient oaf
YV ho does the work and doesn’t fret,
While all the others shirk and loaf.
—Dixon Merritt in Nashville Banner.
In many households may be found
A maid who doesn’t care a snap
How clumsily she moves around
And spills the hot soup In your lap.
—Rody McPhee, Springfield Union.
In many households, cooking hash.
Is found the patient soul who lugs
A broom with which to sweep the ash
Her husband sprinkles on the rugs.
—Mel James, in the Johnstown Demo*
ocrat.
In many households you will find
A little man whose eyes are dim
With tears because he tries to miud
His wife and she throws plates at him.
PAUL COOK.
............
SWALLOWS HAVE LEFT ENGLAND
I
From the London Globe.
THE bwallows are gone from Eng
land now. 1 do not know where
they are, possibly in southern
Italy or across the Mediterranean, but
they have gone, and the empty nest and
stretch of white sheeting below the box
in my little summer house in which they
made their home alone remains to remind
me of their pleasant visit. I remember
how they came in the late springtime to
the open summer house in my garden,
which is my bedroom during the warm
months of the year, how for a time they
perplexed me by endeavoring to build on
the wooden roof just above my head, how
In the morning I would wake up as they
scraped and tapped at the woodwork with
their small beaks, quite oblivious to the
sleepy giant below, who watched them
silently at their work, while they twit
tered and spoke to each other in the most
gentle and charming way.
The routine of nest building was fol
lowed by a period of silence. I could sel
dom see the birds now, but sometimes a
glimpse of two small £eads and bright,
reflective eyes greeted me as I raised my
candle aloft, in the silent darkness of the
summer nights. At first they objected to
the candle and showed their objection by
a mild, protesting fluttering, but grad
ually they began to grow accustomed to
the strange light tiiat came so regularly
at nightfall and lasted so brief a time.
They grew accustomed to it just as they
had grown accustomed to my presence
on the campbed below their home and to
l he bulldog who slept in the chair at my
side.
The family arrived, six of them, a si
lent, sleepy family, who woke at odd mo
mnts, opened wide moufhs for food, and
fell asleep again. They were curiously
quiet and well behaved, a great contrast
to tlie family of young sparrows who
hail their home in a neighboring pollard
elm, and drove me to desperation every
morning with their incessant clamor when"
the parent birds brought them their morn
ing breakfast.
A few of the swallows' traits cumo
back to me now in a series of charming
memories. Occasionally a moth or daddy
long-legs would escape from the over
filled mouth of a parent bird and flutter
on the floor, and thence away to life and ’
freedom, and once a young swallow de
scended on my chair, much to the sur
indse of the bulldog, who sniffed at it
suspiciously and retired to consider the
matter in Ills kennel. I replaced the ad
venturer In his nest, where he shook out
his feathers and resumed his place as
though nothing had happened. In a few
days they had all gone, and passed Imii
far horizon of their dreams. How happy
they looked In the distant skv.above the
willow trees! In a moment the most
subtle of secrets had become theirs, the
secret of all flying things—the vision of
the air.
There came a period when, for a long
time, the nest was quite deserted. But
one misty September morning I awoko
with a tumultous twitter in the air above
me. All the family had returned and
were flying in and out of the summer
house, apparently in great excitement.
I shall never know what brought them
back. Perhaps It was to say farewell tu
their old home, before they made their
journey across the sea. Perhaps the par
ents wished to show them their old home,
to which next year one or two of them
might return. I cannot say. It was tlio
last I saw of them. Their flighting period
began almost immediately, and, together
with the summer, they passed out of my
life, leaving behind them the most charm
ing and friendly of memories.
m
TO RESCUE 1.1 V E WIRE VICTIM
From “The Boy Scouts of America."
For h!s own benefit and ihe> of his
comrades, the scout staould know how to
avoid accidents from electricity. The
third rail is always dangerous, so don't
touch it. Swinging wires of any kind
may somewhere in their course be in con
tact with live wires, so they should not
be touched.
A person in contact with a wire or rail
carrying an electric current will transfer
the current to the rescuer. Therefore he
must not touch the unfortunate victim un
less his own body is thoroughly insulated.
The rescuer must act very promptly, for
the danger to the person in contact is
much increased the longer the electric cur
rent is allowed to pass through his body.
If/possible, the rescuer should insulate
himself by covering his hands with a
mackintosh, rubber sheeting, several
thicknesses of silk or even dry cloth. In
addition he should, if possible, complete
•his insulation by standing on a dry board,
a thick piece of paper or even a dry coat.
Rubber gloves and rubber shoes or boots
are still safer, but they cannot usually
be procured quickly.
If a live wire is under a person and
the ground is dry, it will be perfectly safe
to stand on the ground and pull him
off the wire with the bare hands, care toe
ing taken to touch only his clothing, and
this must not be wet.
A Hyp wire lying on a patient may
he flipped off with safety with a dry
board or stick. In removing the live wire
l'rom the person, or the pecpon from the
wire, do this with one motion, as rocking
him to and fro on the wire will increase
sjiock and burn. •
A live wire may be safely cut with an
ax or hatchet with dry, wooden handle.
The electric current may be short cir
cuited by dropping a crowbar or poker on
the wire. This must be dropped on the
side from which the current is coming
and not on the farther side, aH the later
will not short circuit the current before
it has passed through the body of the
pejsson in contact. Drop the metal bar; do
not place it on the wire or you will then
be made a part of the short circuit and
receive the current of electricity through
your body.
ENRICHING THE LANGUAGE
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
bagman: 1—A commercial traveler, il
A bag fox.—Webster’s New International
Dictionary.
The next edition of this well known and
widely read book will have a little more
to say about "bagman.” There will be,
undoubtedly, a third definition, which will
read somewhat like this:
3. A petty extortioner, whose business
is (o collect contributions from unwilling
•ontractors, ostensibly for campaign pur
poses, but in reality for the personal en
richment of himself and his superiors.
Applied specifically in New York. U. S. A.#
to the agents of Tammany Hall, a cor
rupt political organization.
Thus the Janguage is enriched. From
time to time, as need is shown, ti new
word is born, «r an old word gains a new
definition. What has been the private
j slang of a restricted circle suddenly
blazes forth into common usage.
Who is there to deny that the new
meaning of “bagman” is far more appro
priate and useful than either of its older
definitions? The fellow’ who runs about
holding out the bag for the collection o!
graft, who blackmails men gaining their
living from the good will of the collec
tor’s masters, could scarcely have u bet
ter designation.
The American bagmen, who have sud
denly come into a prominence which they
would w illingly have escaped, are scarcely
likely to be cited in the future as expo
nents ot a safe and profitable profession.
Safety and profit have both depended on
their designation being omitted from com
mon speech and from the dictionary.
PLEASED WITH ELEPHANT
From the Guntersville Democrat.
Birmingham has a new live elephant for
its zoo, and the people are more pleased
with the new pachyderm than any ele**}
phant they ever had. 1
MACHINE LIMITATIONS
By Judd Mortimer Lewis.
I d love to sit by this machine
And slowly touch the yielding keys,
Till the whole world should see the sheen
Of Rocky river through the trees;
See the slate cliffs I used to know,
And see the spider-webby span
Of the bridge I knew long ago.
Away back where my life began.
I'd love to take the world with me
Across my white typewriter keys,
| Until the whole wide world should see
The things 1 see, feel the same breeze
Upon its cheek; should go and wade
With me across the shallow ford,
And climb the cliff’s face unafraid,
And drink with me from the old gourd.
The keys are unresponsive things!
They never quite interpret right
The song's that’s in one's heart and singa
Its throbbing notes out to the night;
I The song of youth and gladsome days,
1 I'he song of blossomed slopes and bees,
| The song of sumach bordered ways,
| And forest glades and shady trees.
They never cap quite make the world
See the rare color in the air —
As if the sunset banners furled
Had lost their sweetest color there; ™
A color red as sweetheart lips!
A color holding all the gold
Of truant locks; pink as the tips
* Of little fingers known of old.
Let my stiff lingers stray across
The Ivory faces as they may.
I cannot make the branches toss,
I cannot make the roses sway
The way I’d like the world to see,
The way I’d like the world to know, j
Or the whole world would sing with rad
Sweet love songs of the long ago.
.*.rfJ