The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], September 26, 1914, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. XV. UAKRE’t'i . . . . Editor.
ui.l,,. A**..
postultlce as seccuU class mallei' uuut-i
act of Congress Mureti J. 1S7D.
Bally uliu SJiuiuy Agc-iicrald . 4LIJ0
Bally ami Buuuay, per month.‘1
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Weekly Agc-Heiald. per unuuui.
bumjay Age-Herald. ^.00
A. J. Eaton. Jr., u. E. Young and YV.
11. Overuey ale tne only aulnonzeu
traveling reel eseniatlves of Hie Age
Herald ill Us circulation dcpai imeiu.
No communication \>ill he published
Without us author's name. licjected
manuscript vx ill not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed lor that purpose.
Keiuittances call ne made at current
rale of exchange. Tne Age-He raid will
riot be responsible for money sent
through tile malls. Address,
TUB AC la-11 El l ALU.
Birmingham. Ala.
V. ashiiigion li'Jicau. Liu. itlu .s uuilu
lug.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Cuveut Carden. Bohdon.
Eastern business ottice, Jlo'»ms IS to
fcu, Inclusive, Tribune building. New
York city; Western business office.
Tribune building. Chicago. The S. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private eaehanae connecting all
departments), Mnln 4000.
The worst I*—death, and death will
have his day. —Richard II.
KGU1XMXU THE I) X X —« Hod.
help me to demand for myself no
special prlvliege. Take away from
me even (he seerel desire for II.
Xloy .. life share and share
alike with all the world. Clve me
to know lint one Hina, lull to count
myself no better than nny other.
For t.'hrlat’a anl-e. Amen.—H. XL
The Man of the Hour
It has all been settled and the war
between Germany and the allies will
soon be brought to a close. The
Gaekwar of Baroda has offered all of
his fighting force to Great Britain.
The Gaekwar of Baroda! ihe very
name will serve to terrify the enemy
into unconditional surrender and pas
sive submission. The title is sonant
with horror and gravolent with dread;
it is a title before which such adjuncts
as maharajah, sowdar, sultan and khe
divc pale into insignificance; a title
provocative of confusion amid the en
emy and conducive to success for its
bearer.
When the Gaekwar of Baroda ar
lays his men against the German
forces there will be no need of scream
ing shot and deafening shell to effect
a victory; the only essential will be
the acclaiming of the title of the mon
arch under whom they are fighting
and paralysis will at once seize the
ranks of the opposing forces. As soon
as the German is advised that he is to
confront the cohor.ts of the Gaekwar
of Baroda, lie will abandon his arms
and seek safety in flight.
What a pity that the Gaekwar of
Baroda so delayed his offer of troops,
Tor had he acted with greater expedi
tion much bloods cd might have been
(.pared and hundreds of thousands of
human lives saved. But some critics
:■will think that it is all over now ex
cept the shouting and that, the world
'owes a debt of eternal gratitude to the
man who ended the xvar—the Gaekwar
®f Baroda,
• ~-. ....j.,, -r
Buying Cotton in Quantities
The buy-a-bale of cotton movement
‘Which started in a small way a few
weeks ago has gained great momen
tum and is having a fine effect on the
cotton situation.
in New York Thursday 2200 bales
were subscribed for by merchants as
sembled at a meeting there that day.
It was stated at the time that the sub
scriptions were made for the purpose
of fostering the buy-a-bale plan.
On the same day at a meeting of the
business men at the Cincinnati Cham
ber of Commerce a movement was or
ganized to buy 100,000 bales at $50
a bale. Cincinnati has long enjoyed
a large southern trade and this gen
erous and public-spirited movement
now set on foot will muke the Queen
City more popular than ever in the
cotton belt.
It looks as if the farmer would not
only be able to dispose of a large part
df his crop in the very near future,
but that he would get a price that
would prove profitable.
Rain-soaked Battlefields
The troops now engaged in the bat
tle of the Aisne have had their oper
ations hampered by torrential rains,
which have soaked the battlefields and
kept the trenches half full of water.
The scientific explanation of this
heavy rainfall is quite simple. The
atmosphere is laden xvith moisture
and loud noises or reports burst the
clouds, thus permitting rain to fall.
The presumption being that the clouds
are re-formed as fast as they are shat
tered, the result of a continuous heavy
cannonading such as that engaged in
by the Germans and the allies keeps
the soldiers well drenched.
During the siege cf Sebastopol in
1854 each day’s cannonading resulted
in a heavy rainfall until soldiers
stood in the trenches knee-deep
in mud. Just before the fall of
Plevna in 1877 the fire of big guns
caused a fall of snoxv which greatly
increased the suffering of the beseiged
Sitv. The rains which followed the
- ■ 1
t engagements at Quatre Bras and Lig
!ny, in 1815, made cavalry maneuvers
almost impossible on the clayey soil
of Waterloo and are believed to have
been a factor in the defeat of Napo
leon. ___________
Crucial Stage in Fighting
At last the battle of the Aisnc is
now at the crucial stage and the fate J
of the German army will be decided
very shortly. If reports ordinarily
reliable are to be believed the k rench
have succeeded in again outflanking
Von Kluck and are crumbling up the
German right wing.
Dispatches yesterday dealing with
the battle are highly significant,
especially those reporting that fight
ing is in progress around St- Quentin
where the British forces so brilliantly
extricated themselves in the prelim
inary fighting of the Marne battle.
For several days past news from
the battle has been devoted largely
to the attempt to flank the Germans.
Thursday the French forces captured
Peronne, indicating that they have
marched around the swamp of the
Somme river and have touched Le
Catelet facing the Germans who rest
on St. Quentin, Noyon and La Fere.
The British troops stretch from Cra
onne to Lassigny and the French from
Lassigny to Le Catalet.
A glance at the map will show that
the operations of the battle of the
Marne are being repeated on a still
1 larger scale. Von Kluck is again
threatened with being caught between
the blades of the scissors formed by
the allied troops. If the French can
push on they will roll up the German
right on the center and the safety
of the entire invading army will be
threatened. Von Kluck must retreat
along the Meuse instead of the Sam
bre and with Von Beulow’s army also
forced to take the same route.
The French official reports speak
of the battle now raging on the Ger
man right as being of prime im
portance. It is, for it will decide
whether the future fighting will be
on French or German territory. And
then the moral effect of a second de
cisive victory would be incalculable.
The British are vastly stirred up
by the loss of their three cruisers to
a single German submarine. One of
the prettiest bits of descriptive writ- '
ing of the war is the report of the
surviving officers of the vessels
printed in The Age-Herald this morn
ing.
From the east come reports that
the Russians, with the sweeping vic
tories in Galacia are preparing to seri
ously begin operations in Prussia.
The Germans have been checked, ac
cording to Petrograd dispatches, and
now Germany with each day will feel
the pressure increase on the Russian
frontier.
A Russia rejuvenated by the lessons
of the conflict with Japan is pressing
Germany. The Kaiser’s defense in
France, is cracking under the tre
mendous blows of the allied army.
Britain holds the seas. Each day a
Teuton colony is annexed.
After all, it is a question, not of
who will win, but how long will it
last.
Northern Visitors At the Fair
During the last four or five years
many northern visitors—some of them
homeseekers—have attended Birming
ham’s State Fair, but a larger num
ber of northern homeseekers will be
in evidence next week than usual.
Next to personal inspection of farm
lands, a visit to a large state fair
where agricultural exhibits are plen
tiful has a more determining influence
on the man who is thinking of chang
ing his home or settling in a new sec
tion of the country than anything else.
A few years ago our state fairs
were attractive in a general way, but
they lacked the educational interest
that last year’s fair had and that this
fair will have in even a larger degree.
The agricultural exhibits, including
live stock, will be a revelation to
northern visitors.
A large percentage of the people
who attend the fair, especially Bir
mingham people, will be interested
largely, if not chiefly in amuserpent
features, but the northern homeseeker
who happens to be in the crowd will
take first of all a serious and business
like view and form his opinions on
what he sees in the way of crop ex
hibits, beef cattle, hogs and poultry.
| Every branch of animal husbandry
■ will be well represented at this year's
State Fair.
Birmingham's goosebonc prophet pre
dicts ideal weather for the State Fair
The temperature will be autumnal and
the few showers that may be expected
(luring the second week of the fair will
be sufficient to lay the dust without mak
ing muddy roads. At any rate, that's what
Mr. Guosebone says.
| "Mr. Underwood in levying the stamp
i taxes, please don't forget to include grape
j Juice," pleads the Houston Post. Tut,
tut. The entente cordlale established with
some difficulty between Mr. Underwood
and Mr. Bryan must not be disturbed at
this time.
The Germans claim that they have
enough food on hand to supply the Ger
niun army a year. If they don't get an
other pound. That's probably true and
heurs out the contention that Germany
.!
f Sam F. Uiabaugh, who Is to be post*
master at Tuscaloosa, Is the youngest
man in this country, perhaps, to adminis
ter a postoffice of Tuscaloosa’s rank.
He is about 26 or 27 years of age, but It
seems only yesterday that he was in
short “pants.' Last year the Tuscaloosa
salary was $2700 but on July 1 it was
advanced to $2800. Tuscaloosa is a stead
ily growing city and as the salary of
the post muster is based on the receipts
of the office, it is safe to say that the
new postmaster will be drawing a $3000
salary a year or two before bis term is
out.
If King George had created Andy Car
negie a peer the former ironmaster might
have been less of a partisan of the Kaiser
than he appears now to b** Emperor Wil
liam once accorded Mr. Carnegie a private
audience and listened quietly to the ad
vice which tlie hUrd of Skibo castle prof
fered. The English sovereign, it seems,
had never taken any notice of Mr. Car
negie. and now the result of such an over
sight is being felt negatively in Great Brit
ain.
For everything Germany does to Bel
guim, Russia threatenes to “take it out”
on East Prussia. What may give Ger
many pause is the fact that she seems
in a position to carry out her threat.
If Great Britain doesn’t hurry up and
do something to the German navy it will
be hard to counteract the growing im
pression at home that her own boasted
navy isn’t making good.
Actual photographs arc being shown in
this country of Belgium hospital wards
shelled by the Germans. Still, maybe en
emies of the fatherland “set the stage”
for these pictures.
Count Bernstorff regrets the loss of
human life in the present war more than
he does the damage done to the Cathe
dral of Rlieims. So, for that matter, does
everybody else.
With Kitchener in charge of army af
fairs and General French at the front,
there is nothing to prevent King George
from pursuing his favorite hobby, col
lecting stamps.
The Pennsylvania farmer who is feed
ing his hogs on peaches and cream to
produce ham of a tine flavor, will be jus
tified in charging peaches-and-cream
prices for it.
Still, if an absent congressman gets
•?3<H> for a “day’s work" at a Chautauqua
and is docked only $21 of his congressional
salary, he is still considerably ahead of
the game.
Enterprising jewelers would doubtless be
able to purchase the decorations the Czar
bestowed on the Kaiser and those the
Kaiser gave to the Czar for a nominal
sum.
The price of Ash has been raised in New*
York “on account of the war." Doubtless
that’s because so many are destroyed b.v
bumping into submarine mines abroad.
Unable to join the army. Maurice Mae
terlinck is helping in the harvest fields,
thus proving that even authors can
make themselves useful in a pinch.
Borton Braley tells something about the
poetry business In a magazine article.
Ho ought to know something about it, as
his typewriter seldom stops going.
Mrs. Pankhurst seems to think th»t the
war will help the suffrage cause. At Its
close there may not be quite so many
Englishmen on hand to object.
GAINED IIIN APPROVAL
From the Weekly Telegraph.
Though very fond of hearing or telling
a good story, a well-known pianist is
rather taciturn. Once, it is reported, a
Scottish friend of his, whom he liked very
much, went home with him after a concert
In Edinburg. Both gentlemen sat down
to coffee and cigarettes, and as midnight
struck the\ had not yet exchanged a
word. Finally the guest risked a oold
and novel query. #
“Do you llae Beethoven?”
The pianist emptied his cup and said
softly;
“Beethoven good.”
Half ail hour later came another ques
tion:
To which the other retorted:
“Wagner—not good.”
Having exhausted ills stock of inquisi
tiveness, the Scotsman got up to bid his
host adieu.
“Stay yet, my friend,” said the musi
cian; “I like your conversation very
much.”
And both remained in profound silence
untl 3 a. m. struck, when they wished one
another good night and parted.
LIKE M’lilKE SAYS
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
What lias become of the old-fashioned
home In which everything was cooked and
served the way father wanted it?
Things are coming around to a point
where a suffragette can have you ar
rested if you say she is effeminate.
When it comes to tough looking things,
an automobile that has been used for five
years, and a corset that has been worn
for five months are tied for first prize.
This is a queer w*orld. We are all will
ing to lend money to a millionaire who
doesn’t want It, but we won’t lend any
to a poor mac w*ho needs it.
The French and the Germans and the
Belgians may imagine that they are up
against a terrible proposition. But ’they
should pity the poor Americans who have
to listen to the din at every corner where
big-mouthed warriors are deciding the
European struggle with hot-air shells.
Trying to conceal the fact that they are
poor is what keeps most men poor.
Why js it that the more common sense
a woman has the homelier she is?
Some of the reformers seem to imagine
that tli© only good men besides them
selves are the deud men.
If you try long enough you can train
your conscience to speak only Vhen it is
spoken to.
Once in awhile a pretty man manages
to earn a living in spite of the handicap.
one reason why old Mr. Opportunity
raps on your door as often as old Mr.
Trouble Is because sparrows are thicker
! than canaries.
| After glancing over some of the maga
! *!«*■ a man w onders w hat the hurry was
! to get them out a month ahead of time.
| A lot of men wonder why girls close
I their eyes when they are being kissed.
But if the men would look Into a mirror
they would see the reason.
A small hoy always wonders why a
druggist Is so liberal when he sells castor
oil and so stingy when he sells ice cream.
/ Once in awhile you will run across' a
[bachelor who imagines that he has as
’ft any troubles as a married man.
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Ynnleton Is Anxious
While Birmingham would he seriouslj
injured, everyone admits, were the rail
road commission to grant the petition ol
the railroads that they be permitted tc
increase their rales on eoai to and from
the Birmingham district, there are ^liose
who contend that even more seriousij
than Birmingham Would Anniston, Tails
drga, Gadsden and Syiacauga he at
tested.
.1. Henry Edmondson of Anniston, while
|a visitor to Birmingham yesterday, ex
pressed himself os being on “the anxious
seat." J. B. Carrington, another well
known Annlstonian, who was also In Bir
mingham. expressed similar Ideas. He has
be^-n in Montgomery attending the hearinr:
of the railroad commission. Tt is said that
he is fearful lest the people lose their
fight.
“Anniston and other cities east of Bir
mingham." said Mr. Edmondson, “were
fostered on EG cents coal. If the rate is
increased we will receive a terrible blow.
Every individual and every Industry will
he ‘put on the blink.' \ye arr making a
fight, and hope to win it. Nevertheless,
we a re on 'the anxious seat.’ In the
present financial depression the railroads
should old, not attempt to handicap us.
The railroads have no business in Ala
bama politics."
Jasper's Kooning Races
"Birmingham, according to the indica
tions. will have an excellent fair," said
Frank A. Gamble, of Jasper, who was a
visitor yesterday. "But In proportion, Jas
per’s fair will be superior. Never have
Jasper’s resources been adequately adver
tised. This result will be achieved dur
ing the week of our fair, which begins
Just seven days following the conclusion
of the Birmingham fair.
“Our racing programme will be supe
rior to Birmingham's. We will have, of
course, the trotting races and the pacing
races. In addition we will have the run
ning races—two daily. The people care
t cry little for trots and paces, but when
the runners get under way with Jockies
lying flat of their backs, enthusiasm
breaks its restraining bounds.
’.’Running races, strange to say, are
seldom presented by fair managements,
although everybody knows they are more
entertaining than any other. Jasper de
termined to secure these events and suc
ceeded."
< allforuinns Are Interested
"California is a great state," said Lee
Cowart. Alabama Immigration commis
sioner. who after a return from San
Francisco, is aguin irt Birmingham. “But
I California.” he added, “is not a whit
superior to Alabama. We can produce
everything that California produces and
California cannot produce half the crops
that Alabama luxuriates in.
j "1 was given a fine reception by the
management of the world’s fair which in
I celebration of the opening of the Pan
ama canal will be thrown open to the
public In February. I was called on for
a speech, and spoke on the canal. That
the canal was a factor for peace had
been said before. But when I reminded
tiie people that the canal would meun
the abandonment of our ridiculous ideas
regarding foreign trade navigation, and
would result In America building as ex
cellent a merchant marine as that pos
sessed by any other country, California
| was interested.
! “The exposition will be greater than
any other which has preceded. Alabama
will have a fine building filled with the
resources, manufactured and agricultural,
of the ’state.’’
Brothers Rival Candidates
Everybody in Alabama remembers when
Bob Taylor was opposed In one of his
races for the office of governor by his
brother. At the time of that race, peo
ple were interested to a far greater ex
tent than they would have been had
some other Individual opposed (he genial
Bob. The wonder was how one brother
could be induced to attempt to prevent
another brother from receiving political
preferment.
Af the present time in Alabama two
brothers are rivals for the same office.
John W. Abercrombie, congressman from
the state at large. Is democratic nominee
for re-election. The republicans have
nominated J. T. Abercrombie of Birming
ham. The candidates are brothers.
While there is no question but that the
democratic nominee will be elected, the
race will be interesting, just the same.
It Is possible that J. I. Abercrombie would
not have accepted the republican nomi
nation but for the fact that he knew
in advance that he could not possibly hin
der his brother in achieving another term
In the service of his state.
Walker Names Delegates
A. S. Preston of Jasper, president of
the Walker County Good Roads associa
tion, has named delegates to the good
toads convention to be held in Montgom
ery October 21-23, inclusive.
Yesterday, he gave The Age-Herald the
following list of delegates who will repre
sent Jasper county, where, he added,
enthusiasm for good roads is rampant:
I,. B. Musgrove, Jasper; J. If. Cranford,
Jasper; E. W. Long, Jasper; W. C. Davis,
Jasper; John R. Smith, Jasper; C. B.
Stalnaker, Jasper; J. Lowry Davis, Jas
per, R. F. D.; F. C. Marquis, Empire;
Luther A. Owen, Empire; F. A. Merrill.
Carbon Hill; Dr. J. W. Ballinger, Carbon
Hill; Dr. J. M. Miller, Cordova; P. M.
Long, Cordova; J. A. Huggins, Oakman;
Dr. H. W. Stephenson, Oakmun; John R.
Pill, Corona; Paul S. Haley. Corona; Dr.
O. Manasco, Townley; Dr. H. J. Sankey,
Nauvoo; James A. Kelly, Eldridgc; Dr.
H. G. Camp, Manchester; Dr. F. W. Mc
Cnllp. Slpsey; John W. Chance, Quinton;
A. B. Aldridge. Drifton.
About Persona
It. L. Bradley of Vernon, probate
Judge of Lamar county, and one of the
best known men of the state, was visit
ing Birmingham yesterday.
Joseph B. Scully, adjutant general o£
Ih; Alabama National Guard. Is In Bir
mingham on private business.
K. H. Winkler of Greenville, one of
the j-.rominent citlxens of the wlregrnss
section of the state, was in Birming
ham yesterday.
T. £. Coleman of Riverside, a well
known and prosperous merchant, was
a visitor yesterday.
H. Y\. Craw ford of Jasper is regis
tered at the Molton hotel.
EPITAPH OF AN INFANT
Herbert Trench, In Reedy's Mirror.
Many aeons did I wait
For admission to the Gate
Of the Living. But to see
Much was not vouchsafed to me
In my little term and span.
I. that hoped to be a man,
Like a snowflake Incarnated,
Seem for three days' light created.
Two Eyes saw I, and the Sun,
And gold spires of Babylon;
But. while voices I forget
Called from cloud and minaret
Men to wake. I stood once more
With the dreams outside the Door.
•Mr- I
'_1
WAR ECHOES
Cleveland Plain Dealer: One of the
1 most startling effects of the European
war upon the citizens of this happily neu
‘ tral and peaceful country is the with
drawal from our tables of the more or
less fragrant and toothsome imported
cheeses. The supply on hand is almost
exhausted. The bland and creamy neuf
chatel, the mottled and pungent roque
fort, the rich and runny eamembert, the
stout and startling limburger. the heavy,
holey schweitzerkase—to these and many
another delectable fromage must the
American epicure bid n tearful farewell.
However, it is not as bad as it seems at
first glance. We are discovering that
more than passable imitations of each of
these foreign cheeses can be manufac
tured right here at home. Take roque
fort, for example. There is a legend to
the effect that this cheese is put in caves
to mold, and that the proper kind of mold
grows only in the peculiar dampness and
gloom of this delicacy's native soil. How
ever that may be, there are a few cellars
in this continent where mold of the samel
shade and effect may be produced.
And even limburger—or a "limburger
style’’—can be and is being made in vast
quantities in this country. Illinois and
Minnesota make most of it, and foreign
born citizens are said to have great dif
ficulty In detecting wherein It differs from
the kind upon Y'Uieh they were brought
up from Infancy, people coming within
three miles of some of those midwestern
limburger mills, when the wind was right,
have been known to sniff the breeze
ecstatically and shed homesick tears as
that ineffable fragrance wafted them back
across a thousand leagues of sea to the
homes of their childhood, Such is the
power of our American Imitation.
With Swiss cheese, we have not quite
so much success. It is said. We have not
yet learned the secret. of making thg
holes so large. But, after all, what is a
hole?
There is still room for cheer. York
state cheese makes the best Welsh rare
bit, anyhow; and there are other native
varieties that go better with appple pie
than any foreign kind possibly could.
New York World: "Let not him that
girdeth on his ’harness boast himself as
hd that putteth it off.’’
A few hours after Winston Churchill,
first lord of the admiralty, made a speech
at Liverpool boasting that if the German
warships did not come and fight "they
will be dug out like rats out of a hole,"
three British armored cruisers were sunk
by German submarines in the North Sea.
These cruisers were 12,000 ton ships and
their destruction is the heaviest loss thus
far sustained by the British navy in the
wa r.
Mr. Churchill boasted too soon. His
speech resembled the swaggering German
assurances that the Kaiser's army would
be in front of Paris on Sedan Day and
France would be beaten to her knees.
Neither the British navy nor the Ger
many army has fulfilled the extravagant
expectations of its admirers. Although
the British fleet, by sheer superiority of
weight and numbers, holds the command
of the sea, it has not lived to its
traditions In offensive operations. The
fight in Heligoland bight was a brilliant
piece of work, but the British odds were
so overwhelming that the net results’'
could hardly have been less, and German
sea power was not seriously crippled by
the losses. The Jfitish navy, with all its
advantages, has done nothing so daring
as the exploit of the German submarines
whieU sank the three British cruisers yes
terday, and the moral effect of this ex
ploit is much greater than the military
effect.
The German army has likewise failed
to justify its peace-won reputation as the
greatest fighting machine of all history.
The smashing advance of the right wing
in the rush toward Paris was a wonderful*
demonstration of mobility; but It led
straight to a Qerman defeat in the battle!
of the Marne and a general retreat all I
along the line. German newspapers are I
now oppressively silent about "Der1
Marsch nach Paris." The French and j
British have not only /ought as well gs \
the Germans, but on the whole they seem !
to have surpassed them in generalship j
and the higher strategy of war.
The Germans held the British army In j
contempt and the British held the Ger-!
man navy in contempt; yet the British i
troops have proved a veritable stone wall
In the path of the German army, while
the latest exploit of the German navy
"has cast a thrill of horror,” as the dis
patches say, throughout London.
War destroys many things. It is well
that it should also destroy a few myths
about Invincible military supremacy. One
of the oldest lessons of human history is
the folly of despising your enemy. Yet
both British and Germans have been
compelled to relearn It.
Oswald F. Schuette, in Leslie's: The Eu
ropean war has thrown upon the United
States the greatest diplomatic task ever
undertaken by a nation in the history of
the world. For the United States repre
sents, in the capitals of the nations that
are at war, practically all of the opposing
belligerents. Every declaration of war
has added to this task, because with
every ultimatum we have been appealed
to by both sides to have our diplomatic
and consular officers guard the interests
of their nationals in the nations involved.
This means that we have in our diplo- ,
matlc care the representation of more j
than 900,000,000 people. We represent Ger
many and Austria in Russia, England,
France, Belgium, Servia, Montenegro and
Japan. We represent England, France,
Belgium, Ser\Wa, Montenegro and Japan,
and to a certain extent Russia, in both
Germany and Austria. Our ambassadors
and ministers • in the capitals of these
countries are responsible for the inter
ests of all of the hundreds of millions of
subjects of these warring powers.
Not only this, but our consuls through
out the possessions of these nations-in
in Tahiti, in Tsingtau, in Aden, in British
in Tahiti, in Tsing-tau, in Aden. In British
South Africa, in Gibraltar, in Malta, and
in all the scattered countries in which
these nations claim suzerainty—represent
the peoples of the hostile lands.
In watching over British interests, for
instance, our diplomatic and consular offi
cers represent a population of 420,685.000
people. For Russia they represent 171.
060,000. German and her colonies com
prise a total population of 77.S79.000.
France includes 89.2S5,000 .more. And so on
through the list of millions of peopAs
whose Interests in the theatre of war lie
temporarily in the bands of the United
States.
Because of the enormous array of ene
mies of Germany and the vast interests
that center In Berlin, the heaviest of
these diplomatic burdens will fall on
James W. Gerard, our ambassador there.
For Germany’s great network of com
merce has brought Into our dominion
thousands of subjects of the nations that
are at war with her and all these great
interests are now under the protection
of our ambassador.
! ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
INCHED! BEK.
xv bat s this? A headline bold and black,
j Designed to catch the **ye.
■ It can't be true. a!us. uluok.
That old Virginia's “dry!‘
| A alat<* whose hospitality
i "aa famed in days gone by
| Has come to this? Ob. can it be
Tiiat old Virginia's "dry?”
SOME COMPANY.
1 was the last man to leave the sum
mer resort where [ spent my vacation.”
I guess you found it rather lonesome.
Not particularly. The last girl to leav<
was there, too.”
A FROST. *
"Wood hall H49S7. ls the line busy
dearie?" said Mr. Gadders in a tone o
voice he thought irresistible to all females
"Nope, the line ain't busy," answerer
tlio Operator, "hut I am. so don't tall
like a fathead during business hours."
Having paused long enough to admlnls
ter this well-deserved rebuke, she connect
ed Mr. Gadders with Brookfield G8794.
NOT SO CHEAP.
"Why didn't you buy that suburban bun
galow you went out to see? The agen
said it would be sold for a song."
“I discovered that he meant one of Ca
rusos."
THOSE SUBMARINES.
Some say “underhanded methods"
Keep Germany afloat:
It's her underwater methods
That get Great Britain's goat.
SOUNDS FISHY.
"I don’t believe lie was ever in a ship'
wreck."
"Why not?"
"He says when the. vessel lie was- or
went down he grabbed the ship's log an<
kept himself afloat until he was picket
up.”
j Tin: WRONG IDEA. i
I Full many a man lias blundered,
With oniyphimself to blame, »
I And yet has imused and wondered
j Why “hard luck" ever came
And why his hopes were blighted j
And why “fate" was unkind. f
! And never once has lighted
On the real cause, being blind I
; To his own imperfections
That drag his fortunes low.
Though plunged in sad reflections, t
The truth he’ll never know.
THE BRIGHTER SIDE. j
“This war in Europe is terrible.'* !
“I agree with you. Still, I*m more for
tunate than some people.”
"How is that?”
'Tin not acquainted with any retired
■ military men who insist on telling me how
it ought to be fought.'*
L GOING SOME.
“You say he proposed to you fl\e
times?'* |
“Yes. ’
“Good heavens! The tame man?”
“Yes. And the same night."
A THOUGHTLESS SOLDIER.
Writing to his wife from France an Eng-,
lish soldier tells her, “You would have
been jealous If you had seen the women,
old and young, kiss me. I was kissed
scores of times.” That's no way for a
soldier to write to "h^i wife. Has he told
her that he had lost an eye, or an arm or j
a leg in battle, the good woman w'ould
doubtless have been able to bear herself
with considerable fortitude, but to learn
that her husband is being sheered with
kisses abroad is much less agreeable to ti e
average woman, we fancy, than to hear of
his being showered with bullets. When
this particular Tommy Atkins returns
homo—if he ever does—he will have a lot
of explaining to do, which may interfere
somewhat with the warmth of his wel
come. p. C.
IN ALABAMA SANCTUMS
Couldn't See the Point
From the Tuscaloosa Times-Gazette.
After agreeing with us about Bibb
Graves and using much mor® eloquent
language than we are capable of using
what puzzles us Is why The Age-Herald
accuses us of “oratory unexcelled” and
“gesticulating like a Frenchman.” Now
this editor does not object to be com
pared to a Frenchman, but the fact is
that the comparison does not fit, and in
making comparisons some semblence to
the truth should be adhered to. Why
The Age-Herald should take that gratui
tous fling at us and then agree with us
is one of the amusing things of Birming
ham journalism.
Cotton Seed Situation
From the Opelika News.
It most certainly looks like something
should be done, certainly something could
be done, to protect the farmers from
the manifest determination of the crush
ers to get their seed for a song, regard
less of the fact that the products of the
seed are not equal to the demand at
prices equal or better than they were
when seed were selling for $25 to $30
per ton.
A Rull Moose Vdcn
From the Collinsville Courier.
Representative McKellar of Tennessee
has Introduced a. bill authorizing the gov
ernment to buy and store :i sufficient
quantity of cotton to maintain a price of
10 cents a pound.” This is another play
to the grandstand of the TIoke Smith
type and as the election is drawing near
some fool may take him seriously. Ther®
is no more likelihood of a hill like that
passing than there is of you growing a
pair of wings and flying to the north
pole.
The Pity of It All
From the Selma Times.
Birmingham is again shocked by a foul
murder just a few blocks from the bust
i ness center of the city. There is no need
pretending that we are ecandalised at
! Birmingham’s crime record for her own
| heart-burnings must be more poignant
than those of outsiders, yet as the metrop
olis of the state it is to be devoutly hoped
she may find a way to eliminate or civil*
ize her criminal element.
Teddy “Passed l |»“
From the Greensboro Watchman.
Any one man outside of the war zone
In Europe is too small an atom to at
tract much attention just now. Roosevelt
Is going over the country at present mak
ing fiery speeches in favor of the pro
gressive party and of his candidacy for
President, but the newspapers dismiss the
subject with a brief announcement that
the cx-President and main mull mooser
mhde a speech at such and such place.
The whole world is too busy and too
much interested in the great battles being
fought across the waters to pay any at
tention to the ambition of any particular
politician.
About the Petticoat
From the Lineville Headlight.
A Birmingham woman suggests that
the women of America wear cotton petti
coats. A good suggestion. L*et the women
of the south set the example.
More Humor
From the Anniston Star.
When a German liner is apparently do
ing the hesitation in mid-ocean it's a
sign that her wireless operator has picked
up news of a British cruiser being near.
—Birmingham Age-Herald. T'r.dcr such
circumstances, we should think the fox
trot would be more timely.
Chicken Fanciers
From the Gadsden Journal.
The term. “Gadsden chicken fanciers."
refers to those who raise poultry—not to
those who sometimes hold down the street
corners.
»••••••■••#•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
GERMANS GOOD SALESMEN
From the Charleston News and Courier.
"The German," said recently Ministei
Pezet of Peru, “ is the best salesman tha>
visits South America. He studies wha
we want and then gets it for us. He h
not in a hurry, but comes and lives wlti
us and makes friends."
The European war, which has put Ger
many out of business for the time belns
in South America; the Panama canal
which has opened up new trade routei
between cities of the United States anc
those of South America; the establish
ment of new steamship lines plying be
tween the two continents-,all these an
factors of tremendous present important!
in the commercial life of this country
Put w'hen an Intelligent South America!
tells us that the first and most importam
thing for us to do if we want to build Ut
trade with South America is to send oui
more efficient salesmen, the hint Is wort!
considering. Minister Pezet believes no
only that lack of good American sales
manship In South America Is the prin
cipal cause of our failure to co’mpeti
successfully with Europe in the past, bui
that unless we improve our salesmanshii
even the European war will not enabli
us to get and keep the South America!
trade that Europe used to enjoy.
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
From the Philadelphia Telegraph.
"'Htgaklng of great feats of strength
Fi-ahklln H. Pane. Secretary of the In
tirlor, recalled an Incident, that happene<
In a western state.
One afternoon an elderly woman visltec
the penitentiary, and on pausing before *
certain cell was told that the inmate ha<
been Imprisoned for stealing a piano.
"I am very sorry to see you here," re
marked the woman, turning to the con
viet. “Is it true that you stole a piano?’
“Yes. ma’am." was the frank admla
sion of the convict. Then he added, •*.
did it In r moment of weakness."
"In a moment of weakness!" gaspei
the elderly visitor. "Mercy me! I presuin
that, had you had your usual strength
you would have walked away with thi
whole house."
BROUGHT HOME TO HIM
From the Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph
Gen. AY. I,. Alexander Mas dlscueslni
the European war. "This war," he said
"will affect even us. AVe must econotnlx
tr weather It. And our economy must bi
general, too
"We mustn’t be like Uayboy, whom i
friend asked over a bottle of champagns
on a roof garden:
" ‘Well, apropos of the war, old man,
did you give your wife that lecture on
economy?' ,
" 'Yes, I did,’ Gayboy answered, 'and
she went right out and bought me >
safety razor.’ ”
UFIFF.HEKT BKIiMTIONS
From the New York Tribune.
President Wilson likes novels of an
Idealistic rather than a realistic tren'
At a reception in Washington a lady
mentioned a realist who had Just pro
duced a shockingly depressing and un
pleasant book.
“How would you define a realist?-’ soins
one asked, and the lady said;
A realist is a writer who is disgusted
with the world.”
“Oh. no; not at all," smiled the Presi
dent. “A realist is a writrr with whom
tlie world is disgusted."
WILHELM II., PRIM E OF PEACE
By George Sylvester Vlereck, Editor of
The Fatherland.
O Prince of Peace, O Lord of War,
Unsheath thy blade without a stain.
Thy holy wrath shall scatter far
The bloodhounds from thy country'*
fane! t
Into thy hand the sword is forced,
By traitor friend and traitor foe;
On foot, on sea. and winged and horsed,
The Prince of Darkness strikes his
blow
Crush tliou^the Cossack arms that reach
To plunge the world into the night!
Save Goethe's visldn, Luther's speech,
Tliqji art the Keeper of the light! .
When darkness was on all the lands,
Who kept God's faith with courage
grim?
Shall He uphold that country’s hands
Or tear its members limb from limb?
God called the Teuton to be Tree,
Free from Great Britain’s golden thrall.
From guillotine and anarchy,
From pogroms red and whips that fall.
May thy victorious armies rout
. The savage tribes against thee hurled.
The Csar, whose scepter is the knout.
And France, the wanton of the world!
, But thy great task will not be done
Until thou vanquish utterly
The Norman brother of the Hun,
England, the Serpent Of the Sea. , .
r
. The flame of war her tradesmen fanned
. Shall yet consume her, fleet and field;
The stgr of Frederick guide thy hand,
The God of .Bismarck bs thy shield!
' Against the fell Barbarian horde
Thy people stand, a living wall;
Now fight for God's peace with thy sword.
1 For If thou a world shall fall!
7
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