The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], October 02, 1914, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGEHERALI
fi. W. BARRETT.Editor
Eiiieieu a.L uie i>ii*m»*»KnaJii, Ala.
postoffice as second class matter undei
act of Congress March 3, 1879.
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald . 88.ut
Daily and Sunday, per month ....
Daily and Sunday, three months. 2.UC
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum. •
Sunday Age-Herald .. 2.UC
A. J. Eaton, Jr., O. E. Young and W.
H. Overbey are the only authorized
traveling representatives of The Age
Herald In its circulation department.
No communication will be published
without its authors name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed lor that purpose.
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-llerald will
not be responsible lor money sent
through the mails. Address,
THE AdE-HERADD.
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau. 207 Hlbos build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, Bondon.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to
60, inclusive, Tribune building. New
York city; Western business office,
Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHWB
Bell (private exchange connecting all
departments), Main 4U00.
We afe such atuff
Aa dreams im* made of, and our little
life
Is rounded with a aleep. —Tempest.
BEGINNING THE HAY.—Protect
n»c today, O my God, from the ar
row that fltelh by night and the
neat Hence that wasteth nt noonday
—from the secret and the open ene
mies. Give me strength to meet the
one and cunning to avoid the other,
lie power for my battle and refuge
for my flight. In Christ's name.
Amen.—H. M. K. a
A “White Slave”
Wc don’t hear quite as much about
“white slavery” these days as we did
a year or two ago. This may be duo
in part to the fact that the war in
Europe takes up so much newspaper
space and holds the attention of so
many people that lesser sensations*feo
unnoticed. However, a so-called
“white slavery” case, in which a St.
Paul man was made the victim, illus
trates how women reformers are im
posed upon in their efforts to help
“innocent maidens in distress. ’
An adventuress, young in years but
old in depravity, was awarded a ver
dist of $17,000 in a Minnesota court
under the Mann law. According to
two witnesses, the indictment was a
plot “framed up” by the young woman
for the purpose of making some “easy
money.” A former superintendent of
the Chicago office of the department
of justice has been ordered to appear
before Judge Landis and explain ac
cusations made against him that he
hoped to share in the loot. When this
young woman was asked how she
had managed to carry her scheme
through successfully, she answered
airily, “Oh, it was easy enough. The
St. Paul clubwomen fought my battle.
One of them went to Washington and
got the Attorney General interested in
the case. The poor simpleton—she
was Mrs. Ifigbee—wanted to adopt
me. One morning after a party she
brought my breakfast to me in the
hotel while I was in bed. I had to eat
it to make good on the innocent girl
stuff.”
Doubtless the clubwomen of St. Paul
have learned their lesson, but there
is no telling how many other hope
lessly bad young women have taken
advantage of the “white slave” hys
teria to victimize men ^ho probably
deserve it and women who are hon
estly trying to uplift them. It is an
easy matter to “make good on the
innocent girl stuff” when the public is
already prepared to believe any sort
of yarn an unscrupulous adventuress
may prepare for its too receptive ears.
There never was very much genuine
“white slavery” in this country and
there never will be. Society is con
fronted by much greater problems
than this one.
s , ___
Local Business Situation
While business in many directions
ia halting owing to the temporary
confusion caused by the European
war, Birmingham has been and is a
very busy city. At the present time
it is one of the busiest cities in the
United States. If a unit of the Ten
nessee company’s steel plant at Ens
ley has been shut down for two weeks
much industrial activity remains ir
that great steel section of Birming
ham. The blast furnaces at Ensle>
continue in operation,'and it is prob
able that before the holidays tht
Ensley division will not only teen
with life, but will probably be busiei
than at any time within the past few
months.
Incidentally it is of interest to re
mark that Birmingham’s postoffic<
receipts for September showed a sub
stantial gain—a gain of $7000 ovei
the corresponding month of 1913. Th«
postoffice revenue is always a gooc
barometer of the general business sit
uation.
When the European war is endec
the business of the whole country will
boom. There will be a healthy cottor
market and in commercial circles pros
perity will be spelled with a big P
j I In the meantime Birmingham wil
’ keep itself in good business trim anc
; will get ready for the era of pros
perity that is to surpass all formei
periods of good times.
The Congressional Elections
As November approaches a largi
democratic victory in the Congres
sional elections is virtually assured
Last spring when calamity howl
ers in some of the large business cen
ters were blaming the democratic
party for unsettled conditions il
seemed quite thinkable that the dem
ocratic majority in the next House
would be small. The majority party,
after accomplishing a great deal of
constructive legislation, is usually on
the defensive when election time rolls
round. The very fact that the dem
ocrats carried out the measures that
the people expected them to enact
into law arouses opposition in some
directions. The democratic party did
not expect to escape criticism, but
today it comes nearer being emphat
ically the popular party. It is a party
that has labored for all classes. If it
has made blunders, and of course ev
ery party makes mistakes, it has done
more great things approved by the
public than any dominant party at
Washington has done since the civil
war.
Had the congressional elections
been held three months ago the ma
jority of democratic candidates
chosen might have been a “close
shave” victory. But now it is safe to
say that the democrats will have al
most as large a majority in the Sixty
fourth Congress as they have in the
Sixty-third.
President Wilson, who grows in
popularity all the while, had intend
ed making several campaign speeches,
but his exacting duties at Washing
ton at this time compelled him to can
cel all speaking engagements. In lieu
of speechmaking the President will
write letters for publication, which
will have almost the same effect as
the addresses which he proposed to
deliver. At the President’s request,
members of the cabinet will take the
stump. Certain it is that a great dem
ocratic vote will be rolled up in No
vember.
The Slate Fair
Few fairs ever held in the south
have been so educational as Birming
ham’s State Fair, and as for the
amusement features, no show has ever
been so diverting. Despite the rain
many persons have enjoyed the ex
hibits to the fullest extent. Every
body who appreciates the value of
the live stock industry and who in
spects the cattle exhibits expresses
amazement at the fine display.
We will probably have a week-end
of beautiful weather. All the people
of Birmingham should see the fair.
Those who do not attend this %week
must arrange to swell the gate re
ceipts next week.
Policewomen in Chicago visit all the
moving picture theatres, the larger play
houses and the railroad stations. There
are always two policewomen on duty In
each railroad station. Chicago has aboul
30 women on Its police force now, and
they have done good work. Most of them
are middle-aged and widows. There are
a few among them who liuve never been
married and one who was formerly a
charity worker. The moving picture cen
sorship is under the Supervision of the
police department and is very strict. Be
fore any picture is shown in a Chicago
theatre It Is first taken to police head
quarters, and if there are any objec
tionable scenes they are eliminated. Many
cities in the country now have police
women. They have been found most use
ful in theatres, dance halls and other pub
lic places, and have proved a strong
moral factor in cities where they are em
ployed. Young and good looking police
women are not desired, for obvious reas
ons.
The Russians have forbidden inhabi
tants of invaded Austrian and Prussian
provinces to speak the (german language.
There’s nothing llfce adding insult to in
jury in the pleasant pastime of war.
Dropping aerial bombs on the heads oi
noncombatants doesn't have the slight
est effect one way or the other on th<
ultimate result of war, and Is therefore
S
all the more reprehensible.
A mouse frightened an Illinois womar
so badly that she fell back into a faint
and broke her leg.. Yet, that same womari
would doubtless make a daring Red Cross
nurse.
•Spain lias offered to care for 30,00*
wounded soldiers in her hospitals. /
humane offer, and it koines from a coun
try long famed for bull fights.
With Europe in such a turmoil, Car
ranza ina> have some difficulty in choos
ing a place of refuge when Mexico gcti
too hot to hold him.
One of the most astonishing feature;
of the war in Europe is the un&nimlt:
with which the Russians have rallies
around the Czar.
That German soldier who is said t<
have taken a doll away from a little glr
was carrying the doctrine of Nietzsch
entirely too far.
Although the opening of the huntin
season in Maine la about due, the fatal!
ties will hardly equal those of the war i:
Europe.
The clash T>f two opposing college elev
ens is tamo compared to the struggl
that is taking place along Europe's battl
line. •
Music Jh a great attraction at the State
Fair. Two excellent hands—the Scotch
Higrlilariders and Memoirs—grive concerts
daily. Memoll plays in the Home Froducts
hall In the afternoon, and his programmes
are
The Kaiser fell into a trench half full
, of water and caught cold. At this dis
tance we presume it is safe to smile.
The Hogue peace palace will never be
what it was intended to be until the last
big gun factory is put out of business.
Tlie Kaiser is a busy man but King
George continues to stay at home and
mind what Queen Mary says.
•-p .inn II-—
Old Bill Sulxer continues to lake him
self seriously. Some men are llko that.
The censors seem to think there is hard
ly any news that's lit to print.
,s •'K" ENGLAND IME DOOMED!
From tlie New York Sun.
From Amherst, seat of the Massa
chusetts State Agricultural college, comes
a lament that there is hardly a family
in town but would lose social standing
if it put pie on the breakfast table. Y'et
the Concord philosophers drew inspira
tion from the morning pie. They culti
vated literature upon it. The truth is
that moral courage is almost extinct
among us.
It Is sensitiveness unworthy of the best
American traditions that accounts for
the decline of pie as a family edible. The
unhappy result is that pie making is be
coming a lost art in New England. The
Amherst Protestant, who must be a man
of parts and fibre, sounds a warning.
It is that perfect pies arc a secret of "u
few old grandmothers” that will perish
with them unless the present generation
takes a greater interest in pie. Ho ad
mits that tlie Invasion of foreign cooks
who have tried their prentice hand at
crust making, billing and baking with
woeful havoc to palate and indigestion
Justifies dietists In objecting to the pies
usually served in the American house
hold. It must be granted that if there
were no pies to be eaten but those con
cocted by aliens and turned out by fac
tories masquerading under the name °r
home bakeries the fight for the old New
England pie would not be worth making.
The men of New England will be dis
loyal to the old stock if they do not rally
round the few good women left to whom
pie making at the Puritan festival season
is a part of religion. What an aching
void there would be after the well
browned turkey was consumed to the last
crisp if the pie made from selected pump
kins, blended with the freshest eggs, the
richest milk and cunning spices did not
follow with its inseparable companion.
I liul masterpiece of pastry, tlie mince
pie? To the last flake of crust those
pies can be eaten with a divine relish.
The New England conscience Is in them,
and inevitably they are perfect. Angels
will weep if the art is forfeited by neg
lect and indifference.
CHINESE MUSIC
From tlie Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The proprietor of a Chinese restau
rant in Race street bought a phono
graph not long ago and with It a
dozen records of Chinese music. Then
he tried it on his patrons. From the
horn issued a conglomeration of cac
ophony beyond the power of mere
words to describe. Shrill trebles, male
falsettos predominated, punctuated by
speaky tenors. Interspersed was the
din of tom-toms and the plunk-a-plunk
of colestial banjos. It was a sextet, the
proud owner averred, but not from
"Lucia."
For a full minute the noise con
tinued; then It assumed tangible shape
emblematic of the topsy-turvy char
acter of the Chinese. Throughout was
a leit motif, repeated and reiterated
time and again. Then came a crescendo,
tremendous in Its sharp shrillness, ac
centuated by hysteric beating of drums
and thumping of stringed instruments
of torture. Then followed a dismul wall,
more haunting than that of the ban
shee. and the sextet was a thing of
musical memory.
IMPOSSIBLE FOR ENGLISH
From the Washington Star.
Apropos of the English boycott upon
German music, Dr. Leopold Richter, the
well known conductor, said in Milwau
kee:
"Tlie English, anyhow, don’t care very
much for German music. The English
are too conventional. Your English musi
cian, your English actor, your English
author, lie must always be a ‘gentleman.'
Well, ‘gentlemen’ are rather limited,
rather narrow. There are so many things
’gentlemen’ can’t do.
"When my friend, Dr. Richard Strauss,
was drilling the Covent Garden orchestra
In Elecktra lie was very much annoyed
by tlie tameness of the English playing.
Finally, at a wild and savage passage
he rapped sharply with his baton and
said:
’’ ’You are all playing like gentlemen.
Don’t play like gentlemen—play like wild
beasts.’ ” •.
LUKE N’LIIKB SAYS
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Lots of rummies who can’t even spell
clairvoyant know all ubout communing
with the spirits.
A woman likes to keep up-to-date,
but she hates to learn the latest wrin
kle,
When you sit down and think It over
you’ll find that the things we do not
do afford us the most happiness.
A husband and wife can get up a
line three-day battle over the question
of which is the best-natured.
Once lln awhile you will see a girl
who looks as though everything about
her except her mind is made up.
Some of our best young people are
horrified at the idea of a prize fight
that lasts an hour. But they will go
ahead and get married and start a
battle thut lasts a lifetime.
If a man would hold his wife’s hands
ns much after he gets her as he did
before he got her, maybe lie could
hold her heart longer.
This Is tlie time of year when you
have to kow-tow around tile Janitor
and make him think that lie is bet
ter than you are, nr clso go to bed
. early to keep warm.
! There arc a lot of men in tlie world
who never put their best foot forward
until they have a hole In the other
shoe.
1 Y'ou can’t account for tastes all the
> time. But you usually know where
^ you landed that dark brown one.
The old-fushloned man who thought
that his house was his castle now has
a son who thinks that his flat Is his
> cabaret.
1 Homo birds have a heap of sense.
5 You can’t blame the stork for dodg
ing a place after he sees the lady of
the house sitting around nursing a
poodle in her arms.
5 There may have been a time when
. poverty was a blessing. But It was
before steak was sold by the Inch and
1 butter by the carat.
When a man is knocking some other
man to you always remember that you
- arc next on his list.
9 A smart barber can always get a tip
by asking a callow youth if he wants
3 a shave and asking a bald-headed man
if he wants a hair cut.
\ ,
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
How Comer Keels
There has been considerable specula tloi
on the part of many citizens of the stab
as to how B. B. Comer took Ills dcfea
i'n his race for the democratic nomlnatioi
for governor. In the following letter, ad
dressed by Mr. Comer to J. B. Garber
secretary of the state democratic cam
paign committee, the scarcely whisperee
I questions are answered:
•‘Your letter of past date I unfortu
nately mislaid. I congratulate the cam
paign committee on having you for It:
secretary. Am sure you will render i
good account.
"I thunk your committee for courtesj
to me, and will be glad. Indeed, to call or
you from time to time, seeing how tin
campaign progresses.
‘‘Wishing you and all the nominee!
abounding success, with regards, 1 am
yours very truly, B. B, COMEH.”
A\ liy White Opposed
in a letter to a friend in Alabama, Sen
ator Frank S. White gives the following
reasons for his opposition to tlio Alaskar
leasing bill:
“I opposed tills bill mainly because il
was not In accordance witli the policy
adopted in regard to other territories, and
because to lease the land*, as this bill
provided—for 50 years—giving the right oi
federal supervision, would require the
presence of large numbers of federal offi
cers, whose presence would be irritating
ami harmful to the people of Alaska.
“That their presence would tend to pre
vent the permission of tile territory tc
enter the union as a state; that It was
the worst form of landlordism; that it set
a bad precedent by injecting federal con
trol into tlic mere local a Hairs of the peo
ple of that territory—these were other rea
sons why I opposed the bill. Jlad permis
sion been granted to lessees to remove
coal from Alaska, Alaska would nave
been robbed of its greatest asset and
would have been hindered in the develop
ment of its greatest asset. The lands ol
Alaska ought to be open for entry, a:
were lands in other territories. Only lr
this way could Alaska invite and hold e
permanent population.”
Captain White made a stirring speed
against the bill.
Shelby County's Delegation
Shelby county lias named a list of dele
gates to represent that county in the con
vention of the Alabama Good Hoads as
sociation, which will be called to order lr
Montgomery October 21. The Age-IIeralf
has been requested to publish the list, at
follows:
Frank Miller, Pelham; F. C. antes, Pel
ham; C. E. Leonard. Pelham; Dr. W. A
Hays, Helena; Henry Taylor, Helena
D. J. F. Trucks, Helena; W. G. Nichols
Calera; W. B. Blevis, Calera; Dr. S. D
Motley, Calera; T. B. Parker, Calera
James Collins, Calera; W. B. Blevis, Ca
lera; C. W. Wade, Calera; Dr. E. G
Glvhan, Montevallo; M. L. Campbell
Montevallo; P. J. Kroell, Montevallo; Mr
Davies, Montevallo; Mr. Jeter, Monte
vallo; H. M. Judge, Columbiana; L, L
Saxon, Columbiana; L. IL Ellis, Columbi
ana; Joe S. Bird, Columbiana; Hon. J. L
Peters, Columbiana.
Diversification in Walker
“That it was folly to plant cotton to the
exclusion of every other crop has beer
demonstrated," said Guy V. O'Rear, a
well known resident of Jasper, "and 1
predict that irrespective of the outcome
of the present financial depression, the
farmers will give their attention to diver
sification next year.
"Walker county has already made pro
gress in this respect. We have many pro
gressive farmers in our county, and thej
will not run the risk again of belnf
caught with a lot of cotton on hand anc
very little corn and meat and other stun
on which they could live."
Kohbers anil Follcemeu
George S. Obear, chairman of th>
state committee of the progressive
party, said yesterday that there woule
be no amalgamation between the re
publicans and progressives in any o
the counties. His statement wai
prompted by rumors that the count;
committees of the bull moosers ane
the3 st raight out G. O. P.'s had compro
mlsed. or would compromise, on count;
tickets.
"Rumors have been circulated that ii
some counties the progressives woult
unite with the republicans on a count;
ticket," said Chairman Obear yester
day. "These rumors are absolutely un
true and I cannot too strongly em
phasize the fact that there will b
absolutely no amalgamation of an;
kind between the progressives and re
publicans. There will be a progressiv
ticket in all counties.
"There will be an amalgamation lik.
unto that of a policeman and a burglar
as Mr. Roosevelt stated recently.”
More Policemen Needed
“I am informed," said a member o
the Washington colony last-night, "tha
Chief Martin Eagan of the police de
partment, in his annual report to bi
submitted October 15, will request tha
his department be increased by 60 men
I am Informed also that Captain Eagai
will report to the commission that at
additional 50 men are absolutely nec
essary for the protection of the peo
pie and the law of Birmingham.
"I have read very much recently con
cerning the ardent desire of the clt;
commissioners to do something reall;
worth while for Birmingham. The;
have 'monkeyed' with many subjects,
hope that they will take advantage o
the Eagan report to render a real serv
ice, and one out of which little gain i:
politics is to be achieved.”
A MYSTERIOUS BOMBARDMENT
^roin the Louisville Courier-Journal.
Madras, which simmers upon the burn
ing sanel and beneath the bluest of skle
by day, and at night gives off store
heat which must riso high enougii t
Warm the stars; Madras, famous to
curry that is Imitated, but not equale
elsewhere than on the Coromandel coasl
blistering, peaceful, remote Madras, I
made a target for a German cruiser'
guns! At what could the Emden hav
been popping in Madras? Fort Georg
was built in the seventeenth century an
is now as worthless us a wattio hut. Who
eise? There is a cathedral down at til
ancient Portuguese settlement of Sair
Thome, a building of respectable agi
although of no especial architectural dll
tiriction. It dates back, perhaps, to th
time when the Rajahs of Chandgherr
were the rulers thereabout. Is It po!
sible that the captain of the Emden ha
received news of the successful bon:
baidment of Louvain and Rliclms, an
wished to add the little Portuguese rathe
dial of Saint Thome to the list < f achieve
moms credited to Me und Ivrupp un
Gott.
| WAR ECHOES
From the Cincinnati Times-Star:
W lien men l'ight poets sing for their
. inspiration. Whereupon the men fail
lo read the odes and sonnets apd seem
to he able to battTe quite as successful
ly without the inspiriting cadence of
the tell-constituted laureates. All that
Air. Kipling, Mr. Watson, Mr. Nrfj'es and
Air. Ji.trdy have written has not fired
a bullet or swung a sabre In France.
But charges have been met and made
to the lilt of a song which was com
1 posed with no idea that it would be ac
companied by shot and shell. ‘'It’s a
Long, Loug Way to Tipperary” is a
long, long way from the spirit of bat
tle. But therein lies its appeal. It.
takfst the soldier’s mind off the bloody
business before him. Indeed, by a
stretch of the imagination the song
might be interpreted as a hymn to
peace. It expresses the soldier's hope
of better days—of Tipperary instead of
the Marne and the Aisne.
In thus conjuring before him scenes
of - peace, the British soldier lias the
precedent of the American soldier. In
the fc’panish-American war our regi
ments did not receive inspiration from
verses dealing w ith “Cuba Libre.” They
seized upon popular song of the day,
"There'll Be a Hot Time in the Old
Town Tonight” It was a rollicking air
and it had nothing to do with the mat
ter at hand. Therein lay Its appeal.
I erliaps if we were at war today our
soldiers would assail the enemy with
a song dealing with the domestic fi
nances of Mrs. Rip Van Winkle. That
Is, if dumdum music were permitted by
the present articles of war.
Chattanooga Times: With the winter
station so t hiso at hand in eastern Ger
many and western Russia we shall soon
know whether or not it is true that the
Russian soldier is a regular snow bird
and is a better fighter in the winter
than in the summer, as has been fre
quently claimed. To the ordinary army
winter weather brings an end of cam
paigning. There have been a few ex
ceptions to this rule. ‘‘Stonewall” Jack
son was one of them. It wras the snow
storms on the steppes of Russia, how
ever, which defeated the great Napoleon,
together with the Cossack habit of burn
ing their towns as he approached. He
crossed the Nieinan with a magnificent
‘‘army of the nations” containing 400,000
men. He returned with less than one
eighth that number. This war may test
whether or not Russia can conduct a
winter campaign more effectively than
the Europeans who are Its southern
neighbors. The Russian and Japanese
fought in Manchuria in March while the
rivers were still frozen.
Commercial Appeal: Every cloud has
Us golden lining. Even war has Its com
pensations. Forgetting for the moment
the tragedy of the present European
strife, we can point with certain satis
faction to the benefits this country is en
joying.
The Bethlehem Steel company is re
ported to have secured contracts from
the French government covering rush
orders for $12,000,000 worth of war mate
rial. The order, it is stated, includes
1000 motor trucks, unarmored, for the
transportation of troops and supplies, and
10C' huge tractors, for movement of heavy
artillery. The French government makes
time a highly essential element in the
transaction. It requires that these ve
hicles be delivered within 30 days.
This looks as if France anticipates a
long, drawn-cut war. While the Bethle
hem company does not manufacture
autos, it has the agency and will dis
tribute these orders among companies
that have trucks built and on hand. It
is a big order of its kind, the largest,
In fact, ever placed by an European coun
try with an American firm. It Is also
one that no other country could handle
on such short notice. It is also a fore
runner of future orders which -we have
every reason to anticipate will follow be
fore very long.
A firm in Sandusky, O., last week re
1 ceived an order by cable from France for
5,000,000 electric light bulbs. Philadelphia
reports that Italy is in the market for
$•>,000,000 worth of shoes, saddles, knap
1 sacks and other military supplies. New
York reports that there has been placed
1 with New York agencies orders from
Russia for automobile trucks for army
purposes. Two New York saddlery man
ufacturers last week divided an order
1 from France for 20,000 saddles and bridles.
1 The Illinois Steel company has accepted
an order for 5000 window frames of pat
tern and material which, before the war,
it had been supposed were obtainable
only abroad.
These unconsidered trifles are the re
sult of a single week’s negotiations. The
European supply being naturally ex
‘ hausted, this country* is looked upon as
the logical center of supply. The "appeal
1 will come fiom all countries involved in
’ war and will affect all American mar
kets.
The steel plants of Pennsylvania are
working night and day. After the more
important orders have been placed, others
of a more varied character may be ex
pected. TJie cotton mills of New England
will before long find their capacity
taxed.
So, after all, grim as war really is, it
has its compensations.
AN OBJECT OF COMPASSION
From the New York Tribune.
George Ade, hpropos of a May-Decem
ber marriage, said:
“When your octogenarian millionaire
weds your beautiful stenographer of 17
summers it is not to the radiant bride,
^ but to the husband, that my sympathies
L go out.
“Why? Well, I’ll tell you why in a
1 little table.
“Old Gobsa Guide had wedded Tottie
Footlites and one evening he called to
her from his dressing room:
“ ‘My dear, for this after-theatre sup
* per at the hotel I don't know whether
1 to wear my dancing shoes or my patent
3 leather boots. Which is the better form
r for a man of my age?’
1 “In her green and gold brocade kimona
. the young and’ beautiful Mrs. Gobsa
B Golde, stretched on a chaise-lounge, un
B dergoing the attentions of her manicure
B and her coiffeur, called back to her poor
e old husband in a clear, cold voice:
2 “‘The best form for a man of your
t age, my dear, is chloroform.' ”
STILL A BRIGHT SIDE
From the Gallipolls (O.) Tribune.
Russian caviar Is one of the things
e that. will not he Imported for sometime
y to come, and there Is only a two-months'
- supply In this country. However, as
1 most of It Is caught at and about San
- dusky, O., and sent to Russia to be
l packed and shipped back to retail at
- about a nickel's worth for 75 rents, may
- be we can worry along. There'll be no
I trouble about Swiss cheese. Most of II
is made now In Indiana and Michigan.
•
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
HOW ABSURD!
I don’t know why the world should seem
A place so full of care,
Without a single sunny beam
To drive away despair.
1 don’t know why my heart should be
Just like a. weight of lead,
Although I slumbered cozlly
The night long in my bed.
I don't know why the morning should
Appear so full of gloom,
With very little that is good
Life's pathway to illume.
1 don't know why my mood is cross
And why ray thoughts are sad,
Unless it is I feel the loss
Of things I’ve never had.
KEPT AT HOME.
“There Is not much danger of this coun
try being invaded.”
“I guess not. Our only warlike neighbors
are- the Mexicans and they are too busy
fighting among themselves.”
NO TOURIST.
“Since the war in Europe began a great
impetus has been given to the ‘See Amer
ica first’ movement,” said Giddings.
“I’ve noticed^ that,” said Plodsworth,
“but it hasn't affected my attitude in the
least.”
"Why not?'
“The state of my purse compels me to
see America first, last and all the time.”
FALL FASHIONS.
“What do you think of the ridiculous
little short coats men are wearing these
days?”
“I think that if Reuben came to town
he would be right in style.”
WORTH WHILE.
He followed the dream—
It led to despair,
With naught to redeem
A life filled with care.
Yet, dying, he smiled,
His heart knew content,
By this thought beguiled,
“My days were w’ell spent.’’
UP-TO-DATE VERSION. *
Warfare nowadays is not what it used
to be.” *
“Perhaps not.”
For instance, the monarch who shouted
A horse! A horse' My kingdom for a
horse! caught In a similar predicament
In a modern battle would probably shout,
'My kingdom for a motor car!' "
SCARES ONE SO. * j
' What kind of doctor would you prefer,
a cheerful one or a solemn one?”
' A cheerful one, I guess. At least, 1
Imte for a doctor to gel solemn after he
looks at me.”
JUST SO.
The man who's "strictly on the square,”
Yet will a rounder be.
Commits some acts he doesn't care
For everyone to see.
FLATTERING ATTENTION.
“Why is Doppelby so pleased this morn- j
lng?”
• “A young woman cast reflections on him
last night.” I
"I don't see why that should tickle his ''
vanity."
“She was singing on the stage and used
a hand mirror.”
IDLE OPINIONS.
The honest man grieves over his fallen
neighbor. The hypocrite feets uplifted.
Too often a short cut to riches leads to
a long hiatus in a penitentiary.
More and more people are giving up the
struggle to make both ends meet, con
vinced that it can't be done.
The lass who loves a sailor may have
him come to her after the war is
over—if he belongs to the German navy.
Singing under fire is a fine exhibition of
heroism, but we still think the greater
hero Is the man who supports a wife and
seven children on a salary of $12 a week
and sings at his work. PAUL COOK.
IN ALABAMA SANCTUMS *
It idimon<l Has “Fallen”
From the Mobile Item.
Also* speaking of patriots, Capt “Itlch"
Hobson has informed the democratic ex
ecutive committee of Alabama that his
exacting duties in Washington will pre
vent him coming home to make any
speeches for the democratic candidates in
the fall election. “Cap” Hobson appears
to be sticking to the job—at last.
The Governor “Resolute*”
From the Marion County News.
The governor and congressmen are reso
luting on the curtailment of the cotton
crop. This reminds us of the time when
the devil told the Savior if he would bow
down and worship him he would give him
the whole world, when as a matter of
fact he did not own a foot of land.
Does Advertising I’ayf
From the Montgomery Advertiser.
Our understanding is that the girls who
are to appear on the midway platforms at
the fairgrounds are still pursuing a par
simonious policy in the matter of front
curtains.
Down With the lilug!
From the Jasper Mountain Eagle.
Let's declare our independence of King
Cotton and make him our servant. Raise
plenty of corn, hay, oats, potatoes, mo
lasses and meat and let King Cotton come
down from his throne and serve in your
field as a surplus crop. This applies to
those who own their own farms.
......
A DIVA’S DIET #
From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
A prima donna popular in grand opera
contributes to the American Magazine an
article which she tells how she orders
j her daily life, and why. Briefly, the
singer is abstemious because hers is the
philosophy of Mr. John Oakhurst, gam
bler, who didn’t drink because his was
an occupation requiring efficiency, and
In his own language he “couldn’t afford
it.”
As to the late suppers the diva says;
“I almost never eat before going to
bed. I have my dinner about 3 o’clock in
the afternoon, a nice cup of tea and
some toast at 6 and 5:30, and then nothing
until the next morning. Sometimes if I
feel very tired when I come home I
take a cup of bouillon or half a dozen
oysters, but that is all. I am too ner
vously fatigued to eat. As for suppers,
they are the most awful things! I can’t
imagine anybody being able to go out
and sit and talk after they get through
singing, but they do. You have no idea
of the people who ask me Qut to supper.
It gives me indigestion to think of it The
singer must be very careful of her diet.
She must eat very plain food and above
all very little pastry and sweets, since
these contribute to obesity, which is
fatal.”
If obesity is fatal to singers it is a
Lingering death. Nobody who goes to the
opera can fail to recall the names and
figures of a score of singers great of
girth as well as great in voice who have
remained popular for many years. And
figures never lie. Lissomeness and emi
nence upon the operatic stage are popu
larly supposed to be rarely the good for
tune of the same individual. Neverthe
less, it is easily imaginable that after
opera suppers are taboo among singers
who want to take care of themselves.
Of such suppers is indigestion bred. They
are tit only for id)fer3 whose digestions
do not matter, inasmuch as they are not
counted upon by unyone to be of service
in the world. Debutantes “fall for” late
suppers as social revels not without gas
trohomic delights. But debutantes have
much to learn. Older society women and
men endure them as a part of the un
avoidable social routine, but older society
folk have much to endure. Bohemians
eat late, and too much, occasionally. But
nature does not heavily punish the oc
casional offender. Confirmed late and
heavy eaters pay early and heavy pen
alties.
MILITARISM
From the Springfield Republican.
That militarism has been put on the
defensive is shown by recent denials o1
its existence. Armies jire neeed for de
fense, and the size of the army dependf
on the peril against which defense li
The Governor** Activity
From the Selma Time!.
The governors and financial statesmen j
who are running to Washington to do
something for cotton could do better by
staying at home and putting the expenses
of the trip in the buy-a-bale movement.
An Inspiration
From the Talladega Home.
The Montgomery Journal contains an y
advertisement the like of which we never
before saw published. A firm of that city
advertises that it desires to contract with
farmers for 100,000 bushels of wheat to be
planted this fall and delivered next July
and August. That Is an advertisement
of inspiration.
A Significant Difference
From the Huntsville Democrat.
It is said the sheriff of Jeffersoit county
makes $1S00 from feeding the prisoners a
single month, yet tho whole health de
partment of the state is allowed but *5,000
a year. This matter was brought up by
Dr. Oates, state inspector of prisons, at
a meeting of the Mobile Medical society,
held to suggest reforms In sanitary legis
lation. Dr. W. H. Sanders stated that
the work in his department was handi
capped for lack of funds. ^
Ijcmm Corn, More H—11
From the Gadsden Times-News.
Several years ago, when corn was sell
ing for only 11 cents a bushel in Kansas.
Mary Ellen Lease told the Kansas farm
ers to “raise less corn and more hell.”
We need a Mary Ellen to talk to our cot
ton farmers.
. >
»
I needed; to, speak, therefore, of militarism
is meaningless. The public is not so
easily to be misled, it has seen exploded
in a day the theory that great armies
made for peace; it will hardly be per
suaded into thinking that militarism is ,/
a mere bogy because it is difficult to
find the precise point at which it begins.
But as a matter of fact, this point can
be determined more closely than might
be supposed. A militia for home defense
does not imply militarism, nor does a
standing army, unless it is great enough
to be a standing menace. The transition
point may be found at the point where
a nation is so strongly prepared for offen
sive warfare that the first onslaught on
an unprepared enemy will be crushing.
From that point competition becomes a
matter of life and death, because after ,
war breaks out early unreadiness cannot t
be retrieved. Thus a contest is entered '
upon in peace which has no logical end
but war or bankruptcy, and to make the
situation more perilous the offensive
gains so prodigious an advantage that in
any crisis each nation is on edge with
fear that the other will gain a fatal start /
by striking first. '
IN A NUTSHELL,
From the New York Sun.
In 19 words Senator Henry (Jabot Lodge
states the whole case:
"Either Germany will dictate the terms
of peace or the allies. There will be no y
half way abbut it."
Will premature eirenists and amateur
peace patchers please observe and pre
serve?
MARY’S DREAM
By John Lowe.
Tlie moon had climbed the highest hill
That rises o'er the source of Dee,
And from the eastern summit shed
Her silver light on tower and tree;
When Msyy laid her down to sleep,
Her thoughts on Sandy far at sea:
When, soft and low, a voice was heard.
Saying, “Mary, weep no more for me." ^
She from her pillow gently raised
Her head to ask who there might be.
And saw young Sandy shivering stand
With visage pale and hollow e’e.
"Oh, Mary, dear, cold is my clay.
It lies beneath a stormy sea;
Far, far from thee I sleep in death,
So, Mary, weep no more for me.
•
‘‘Three stormy nights and stormy days .
Wc tossed upon the raging main; ■-*
And long we strove our barque to save.
But all our striving was in vain.
Even then, when horror chilled my blood,
My heart was filled with love for thea
The storm is past and I at rest,
So, Mary, weep no more for me.
“Oil, maiden dear, thyself prepare!
We soon shall meet upon that shore
Where love is free from doubt and care.
And thou nmTl shall part no more!'*
Loud crowed the cock, the shaddow fled;
No more of Sandy could she see,
But soft the passing spirit said,
“Sweet Mary, weep no more for met*’
i