The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], October 31, 1914, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. W. BARRETT Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postotflce as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1873.
Dally and Sunday Age-Herald . $8.00
Daily and Sunday per month ... .70
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Weekly Age-Herald, per annum .50
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A. J. Eaton, Jr., O. E. Young and W.
H. Overby are the only authorized
traveling representatives of The Age
Herald in Us circulation department.
No communication will be published
without its author’s name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible for money sent
through the mails. Address,
THE AGE-HERALD.
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau. 207 Hibbs bulld
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Convent Garden, London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to
$0, inclusive. Tribune building. New
York city; Western business office.
Tribune building. Chicago. The S. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agent, for
eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exchange connecting all
department,). Main -4800.
In the corrupted currenta of thla world
Offence’s glided hand may above by
Justice. -Hamlet.
BEGINNING THE DAY—O God of
the harvest, help me to plant nnd
(end, and wait on Thee for the In
crease. If In Thy providence Thou
glvest much, It Is all Thine own. If
In Thy providence Thou glvest little,
It Is still Thine. Grsnt me to reap In
loy, for Thou doest well. In Christ’s
name. Amen.—H. M. E.
•~r~ = . . ;
Baltimore Feels Cotton Crisis
As a result of the cotton situation,
Baltimore, which normally enjoys a
large trade throughout the south At
lantic states, is suffering from poor
business. Its clothing manufacturers
feel the stress of “hard times” par
ticularly and a number of large firms
have been compelled to reduce the
number of their employes. The entire
forces of two large firms, one of them
employing 300 people—men and wom
en_have been laid off and a number
of other firms have decreased the
number of their operatives. It is
stated that many of the clothing firms
have retained their traveling men,
but at a considerable loss, as practi
cally no orders are being turned in.
North Carolina is the only south At
lantic state in which the clothing trade
is regarded as moderately good. The
tightening of money in the cotton
south has reduced the demand for
clothing to a minimum, although the
weather is held to blame to a certain
extent.
However, the spirit of optimism is
still alive. Baltimore manufacturers
anticipate an early improvement in
business conditions. Birmingham, be
ing an iron and steel center, is not
feeling the effect of the cotton crisis
so much as other cities in the south,
the bulk of whose trade is done with
the cotton growers. In fact business
here is brisk and the merchants ex
pect to have a normal holiday trade.
In New York and throughout the
north and west the business situation
is improving steadily. The demoraliza
tion caused by the European war is
being followed by a marked degree of
confidence.
New York State Election
Not in many years has New York
had so exciting a political campaign
as now.
James W. Gerard, ambassador to
Germany, will beat his republican op
ponent, James W. Wadsworth, Jr.
That much seems to be generally as
sured. Wadsworth is a good man, al
though he does not come up to Mr.
Gerard in ability. The latter has not
cnly proved his capacity as^a man
v of affairs and a diplomat, but he is
one of the stanchest of democrats.
The main interest—the intense in
terest—in New York centers, as a
matter of course, in the governorship.
Governor Glynn, the democratic can
didate, continues to gain. Whitman,
the republican, started out with great
•trength. He is still strong, but a
week or ten days ago the tide seemed
to turn in Glynn's favor. The Wilson
administration has given Glynn its
unqualified indorsement and that
counts for much. But the race, now
at fever heat, will be characterized by
more and more mudslinging until the
day of election.
It now looks good for Glynn, but in
fuch an enormous vote as New York
easts—about 1,260,000—it is next to
impossible to make a reliable fore
cast when each of the two leading or
ganizations opposing each other is
Strong and aggressive.
Turkey in the War
Germany’s diplomacy has been as
%esk as its military organization has
been strong, but its foreign office is
Rot always asleep. It has succeeded
In pitting Turkey against Russia.
This was a comparatively easy
achievement, however, for Turkey
was eager to have a hand in the
titanic conflict, and only a little en
i couragement from Germany was
needed.
The Turkish fleet has entered the
Black sea and, according to ono of
the late bulletins, has sunk several
Russian gunboats and a torpedo boat.
At any rate a naval engagement is in
progress.
Turkey’s war on Russia creates a
new and grave situation, for the Bal
kan states will now become involved.
There will be no end of complications.
What will be Italy’s decision now?
In Flanders the allies seem to have
been getting the better of the Ger
mans during the last few days. The
fighting has been desperate. Turkey’s
action, although not unexpected, may
have a temporarily depressing effect
in London and Paris and a correspond
ingly heartening effect in Berlin.
The war began three months ago.
At the start some observers expressed
the opinion that it would be ended in
a few weeks. The better informed
said it would last a year or more;
probably two or three years. It is
certain to be long drawn out and
bloodier it may be as time passes.
Prosperity’s New Era
Good times are ahead for Birming
ham.
The iron and steel men gathered
here this week express themselves
with enthusiasm about the city and
the district. To those who had not
visited Birmingham in recent years
the industrial development hereabouts
is a revelation, and all that has been
said by the great leaders in favor of
the district will have far-reaching ef
fect for good.
It is now felt by the members of
the American Iron and Steel institute
that the board of directors in electing
to hold the general meeting here acted
wisely. A majority of the iron and
steel operators had visited Birming
ham as individuals, but coming now
as a body the members have all the
better opportunity of seeing the dis
trict from a large viewpoint; and in
discussing the various features in a
technical wray a more thorough knowl
edge of the resources and possibilities
is gained.
The institute is fortunate, indeed,
in having for its officers men of suc
cessful achievement, broad vision and
buoyant disposition. Optimistic talk
has been the rule. Judge E. H. Gary’s
opening address was so illuminating
and so full of cheer that the near fu
ture of the industrial situation would
have appeared bright even had no
one else spoken hopefully. It rang
with the note of “good times ahead.”
But the president of the United States
Steel corporation, James A. Farrell,
made an address which, like Judge
Gary’s, was freighted with optimism.
The views Mr. Farrell expressed
were those of a man of vast experi
ence and uncommon insight into in
dustrial conditions and potentialities.
And other speakers there were who
took a heartening view of the indus
trial future.
Upbuilders of Birmingham and the
men here who do things appreciate
the large iron and steel development
that is in store for the Birmingham
district, and everyone who has fol
lowed the proceedings of the institute
as they have been published in The
Age-Herald cannot but feel absolutely
assured that Birmingham is fast ap
proaching a new era of prosperity—
prosperity greater even than our most
ardent prophets have foretold.
I ============
The problem of safely transporting ma
terials In explosive depots has boon solved
by the Invention of the tireless locomo
tive. In most respects it Is like the ordi
nary steam locomotive, but no provision
Is made for generating steam. Inctead
there Is a reservoir which Is filled partly
with water and partly with steam under
high pressure. This is pumped Into the
boiler from n steam-ralslng station outside
the danger zone. The locomotive is iaken
to the station from time to time and ' re
charged.'" The engine will run for several
hours on one charge of steam. A system
of heat insulation also makes It possible
for the engine to stand for It1 hours In the
open air without appreciable loss of en
ergy. Germany has brought this type of
locomotive to a high standard of peifec
tion. it Is operated In the same way that
an ordinary locomotive Is operated, except
that there Is no firing. The possibility of
sparks teing caused by the rubbing
faces, such as brake blocks and other
points of impact, Is obviated by the use
of a certain kind of facing material.
1 -...
The Age-Herald extends congratulations
to the Hartford, Conn., Courant, which
recently celebrated Its 150th anniversary
with a birthday edition of more than 16C
pages. The Courant is the oldest paper
In the United States. For a century and
a half it has chronicled all the important
events In the history of this country, from
the formation of the United States down
to the latest news of the day. In Its long
and honorable eareer It has been nojed as
well for the able men who have conducted
It as for the high Ideals It has always
maintained. It Is clean, conservative and
able. The present editor of the Courant
is Charles Hopkins Clark, a worthy suc
cessor to Charles D. Warner, George D.
Curtis and other notable men who have
edited the paper.
By merely adding a smokestack an1
raising the Japanese flag the Emden ef
fected a complete disguise. It seems that
an extra smokestack disguises a cruise!
as well as a false mustache does the vll
* loin In the play.
i
/ .
” -A
i A Philadelphia dentist shot ft client
who made "abusive remarks" in his an
teroom. It Is presumed that the dentist,
whose name Is Dr. Hertz, created too
much ot a disturbance In the client's din
ing room.
Qun play was narrowly prevented among
the Villa and Zapata delegates to the
peace conference at Aguas Callentes, indi
cating that the atmosphere of Mexico Is
still far from being peaceful,
A New York newspaper recently
"staged" a naval fight at Madrid, Col.
Watterson called attention to the fact that
Madrid Is "notably dry" and considera
bly above the sea level.
While Germany Is unable to find a mar
ket for her surplus of beet sugar, she
seems reasonably satisfied so long us her
big guns continue to find a target for
their shells.
The Krupp factories are said to be mak
ing guns that will hurl shells 26 miles. If
this sort of thing keeps up the Germans
will soon be able to shell Paris from
Berlin.
The degree of LL. D. has been conferred
on Governor Glynn four times, although
that doesn't necessarily make him a bet
ter politician than he was before.
It is reported that Mr. Schwab is mak
ing special preparations to manufacture
fuses and shells. Of course, we are for
peace, but business is business.
The Detroit man who has invented a suit
of armor for army mules has a heart In
the right place. Besides, mules are more
valuable than men in war.
Cotton petticoats ought to help the
"buy-a-bale" movement considerably,
provided Dame Fashion Is witling for
them to be worn.
The California ballot this year contains
120,000 words, but that Isn't a matter that
seriously concerns the Jap citizens of Cal
ifornia.
The New York man who was bitten by
a muzzled dog must be the sort of fellow
who always loses In u poker game.
George Bernard Shaw limits the think
ing public to 50,000 persons, presumably
himself and 49,000 others.
PRESS POINTS
Why This Hackwardnems t
From the Boston Globe.
Indignant as plain Bill Sulzer may feel
at being publicly called a crook, he hasn’t
yet brought a suit for libel.
Vp Against It
From the Cincinnati Times-Star.
The cheaper grades of hosiery are to
be white. What is the insanitary man
who heretofore has changed a black pair
once a week going to do?
No Small Demand
From the Washington Post.
Having started with a demand for $600,
000 from the Prince of Monaco, next thing
Germany will be wanting the whole kitty.
Hnpldly Dwindling
From the Houston Post.
We take it that two years hence the
bull moose party will hold its national
convention In one of the telephone booths
at Chicago.
The Way Maine Went
From the Louisville ^Courier-Journal.
“An optimist,” says the Washington
Herald, “is a man who expects Vermont
to go as Maine went.” How? Dry and
drunk?
Juat Like T. R.
Frcm the Spokane Spokesman-Review.
The President, by hobnobbing with
fathers of large families, lays himself
liable to the charge of stealing the
colonel's stuff.
Not Much ChrlfitniRN, Anyhow
From the Dallas News.
A London military critic declares that
if the Germans do not go south this fall
they will have to go north next spring.
In any case, It seems, they are due to
Christmas away from home.
ORIGIN' OF MARK TWAIN' STORY
From “After Dinner Stories,” by N. C.
Fowler, Jr.
Of all the witty things said or written
by Mark Twain no phrase has been
quoted oftener than his reply to an alarm
ist report, “Rumor of my death greatly
exaggerated.” The history of this now
celebrated bon mot will doubtless be of
interest. Mark Twain was on a visit to
London some years ago, and had been
secured as the chief guest at a dinner to
be given by a literary club. On the
morning of the day when the dinner was
to take place the secretary wras shocked
to hear a rumor that Mark Twain had
died suddenly. At his wit’s end, he sought
to verify It by a diplomatic note to Mrs.
| Clemens, in 'which he mentioned the
rumor. Mark Twain got hold of the note
and telegraphed the now famous reply,
"Rumor of my death greatly exagger
ated.”
LUKE M’Ll'KK SAVE
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
The trouble with a better half Is that
she Isn't happy unless she la the whole
thing.
Father will buy J9 worth of tools to
uo a 30-cent job around the house and
he will tinker until he pounds his
thumb. Then he will get mad and quit
cold and mother will take a hair pin
and finish the job without any fuss.
There Is something wrong wTth a boy
who can get half way to school In the
morning and keep hla hands clean.
Be sure you are right and you will
be sure everybody else Is wrong.
After the Society For Minding Other
People’s Business gets through com
pelling us to drink water and chew
nothing but gum and smoke nothing
but cubebs, It might take a whack at
something useful and compel men who
are dandruff factories to wear nothing
but gray coats.
A man who can fool some of the peo
ple all of the time and all of the peo
ple some of the time can't buffalo his
wife any of the time.
When lovey comes to the breakfast
table with her hair rolled up In a base
ballsized knot at the baok of her head
and honey comes to the breakfast table
with a three-day growth of fuzz on hla
face, the honeymoon goea out In the
alley and throws a total eclipse.
These are melancholly day* for the
members of the Hand Holder's union.
They have to vacate the hammock and
the garden swing and occupy the front
room where they can hear father cuss
ing about the gas bill.
While We have assurance that An
thony Comstock Is a very modest man,
we do not Jbellevo the rumor that he
undressed til the dark.
The old/ fashioned man who uaed to
save IiIb money to feather his nest now
has a soh whose wife takes his money
and fuatpiurs her hats.
I
t
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IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Steel Men Enjoying Their Visit
"The members of the American Iron
and Steel institute seem greatly pleased
with Birmingham and Intensely interested
in the Industrial development of the Bir
mingham district." said John C. Lusk,
'ice president of the Jemison Real Estate
and Insurance company.
"I have had the pleasure of meeting
many of them and all without exception
are speaking enthusiastically of their
sight-seeing around the district. Certain
it is that no convention ever held here
was of such real benefit to this commun
ity as the Iron and Steel institute."
Rotary Convention a Success
"We Rotarians who went to Jackson
ville to attend the coQventton of south
ern Rotary clubs had a delightful time,"
said Oscar C. Turner.
"The attendance was even larger than
l had expected. The Birmingham Ro
tary club was represented by 14 mem
bers, including President Shelby. This
was beating Atlanta by 100 per cent, as
the Georgia metropolis had only seven
Iwolarians present. Savannah being close
by was represented by 60 Rotarians, And
next tp Savannah came Tampa with 61.
Jacksonville entertained us most hospi
tably, although the city w'as not looking
at prosperous as it usually does.
"Tampa is the great boom towm of
Florida. As boosters the Tampa men
are even ahead of Atlanta. Tampa has
never heard that the European war had
affected business or that the cotton mar
ket was distressed. In the Tampa sec
tion the citrus crops have *been very
large and Tampa's cigar industry was
never more active than it is now. That
Tampa crowd certainly enlivened the en
tire convention."
Continuous Advertising Pays
"Continuous advertising certainly payB
when the right medium is used," said
Robert Prowell of the Robert Prowell
Stove company.
"For example, some four or five years
ago my concern decided to begin sharpen
ing razor blades. An excellent automatic
grinding machine was purchased and
placed in one of our front show windows
facing Twentieth street, and a man was
placed in charge of its operation. Busi
ness at first did not come In the volume
we desired. Soon afterwards we began
| to advertise in The Age-Herald. We de
j cided to use the want column, as this
j grade of advertising is comparatively in
expensive, but unlike many concerns who
advertise extensively we adopted a policy
of continuity.
"For more than four years our adver
tisement has been running in the want
columns of The Age-Herald every day In
the year, and it was very seldom that
; any other publication received an ad. from
us. Results have been amazing; f( r soon
after placing our modest advertisement
with the Birmingham paper this class of
business from all parts of the United
States began gradually to shift toward
this city. We now receive regular con
signments from customers living in Ore
gon, New York, California and Panama,
and a heavy mail order business Is re
ceived from all parts of the south and
west. The advertising columns of The
Age-Herald certainly have great ‘pulling’
power, and when this space Is used ju
diciously astonishing results are to be
had by any concern. This is a fair sam
ple of one of our want ads. placed in
The Age-Herald:
j*WE sharpen safety razor blades better
than .new, 25c dozen. Send them parcel
post. Robert Prow ell Stove Co., Birming
ham, Ala.' "
Judge Gary's Address
"I was located at Johnstown, Pa., dur
ing the period when combinations of capi
tal and the formation of trusts were in
their most active stage.” said Col. N. F.
Thompson, who was formerly secretary
of the Johnstown Board of Trade. "I
have long felt if the public understood
the conditions that brought about these
j combinations there would be less room for
; demagogues and political agitators to
awaken antagonism against them, espe
cially when the standard was at hand
| by w hich the good could be easily dis
tinguished from the bad among them.
Judge Gary’s speech before the Steel in
stitute the other day gave an admirable
exposition of the causes of such formation !
! and their results, and every business man
throughout this country should read that'
address. There is a spirit *of the utmost
frankiiess pervading every Mne and a ■
comprehensive explanation regarding the j
former and present trade conditions which
should satisfy all fair minded citizens.
"There had been a period of competi
tion in all branches of business in which
no one regarded the rights of his com
petitor, until all finally were forced to
realize that while 'competition was the
life of trade,’ so equally true was It that
‘excessive competition was the death of
trade,’ and it w'as in obedience to the
law of self-preservation that new order
was Instituted and industrial business
saved from wreck and ruin. The only
question left for the public to decide was
whether such combination acted to the
detriment to the public or otherwise, and
Judge Gary shows conclusively that the
public was benefited from these com
binations in that they instituted larger
development, better trade conditions, bet
ter goods and at reasonable prices."
Tool Shops Hushed «Ith Work
The pig Iron market continues dull, but
some of the optimistic salesmen think
It will not be long before activity Is
again In evidence. Matthew Addy & Co.'s
Cincinnati report says In part:
■* ‘Among the falling leaves some birds
yet sing,' said Landor, and he may have
had In mind that even in pig Iron there
can be a ray of sunshine now and then.
"The week has been marked by fur
ther large orders of machine tools for
export. Many of the tool shops hero
are rushed with work and have orders
for some weeks ahead. The question Is
how long will this export business con
tinue, It certainly is good while it lasto,
and there appears to be a prospect of
more coming when the present orders are
filled. These machine orders have given
unexpected work to the foundries, and
some of this activity Is slowly working
back to pig Iron.
"On the part of the steel mills there
has been a further reduction In produc
tion. Of course there Is no denying that
these are dark days—not even the com
1 lalntng cotton growers have had or are
1 avlng as bal'd a road to travel as the
pig Iron makers. But the trade haa not
lost heart—and the memory is grateful
tike the shadow of a great rock In s
weary land—of the surprising upward
movements of pig Iron In the past."
The Beautiful Dlaa Apartments
"There is no more striking evidence of
the approach of Birmingham to metropoli
tan standards than the erection of a num
ber of elegant and modern apartment
houses," said a traveled man.
"In my walks about the city I was at
tracted by the 'Ulan' apartments archi
tecturally, and decided tu look them
'through, I was struck, not only with the
1
fine finish of the interior, but especially
with the complete detail In every essen
tial, of quite the most unique domicile I
have ever seen.
"I was the more impressed with this
because I have for several years urged
the erection of apartments with every
economy of space and every convenience
for the modern domestic conditions which
the new order demands. For be it known
my lady must now, perchance, take the
missing cook’s place here; she can do so
with pleasure in a modern kitchenette
with its very latest gas stove in place
with its white porcelain sink, with a
draining board, and hot and cold water
at her command with a touch on the
faucet. One has but to strike a match and
light a flame, and an abundance of hot
water flows for the bath. The lockers,
pantries, and boxed window seats are
all provided. What struck me most fav
orably were the elegant bronze beds that
may be raised and noiselessly swung Into
an alcove with sliding doors—one on each
side from the bedroom proper and the
large living room. It is evident that all
one has to do Is to move in, place the
furniture, make up the beds, light the
gas, and begin housekeeping.
"Talking with Mr. A. R. Dearborn,
whose ideas have here been so happily
worked out, he told me that the concept
of detail of the ‘Dian’ was the creature
of his brain, after attending the hard
school of experience in dealing with
’dw'ellers in other people’s houses.’ He
has certainly been an apt student.
"The ’Dian’ named for the charming
wife of Mr. Leo K. Steiner is owned by
those enterprising .men, Steiner Bros., the
bankers.’*
WAR ECHOES
New York Herald: Just what Count von
Bernstorff can hope to gain by spreading
in this country the suggestion that Ger
many may attack and occupy Canada it
is difficult to understand. Can he imagine
that Americans are so enamored of Ger
man ‘•kultur” as exemplified In Belgium
that they would welcome its appearance
on this continent?
It w’ould seem that the first rule of a
German diplomacy bending its energies to
create a favorable American public sen
timent would be to let that particular
“sleeping dog’’ lie. If there is one thing
more calculated than any other to make
Americans givf ear to the foolish talk of
those persons who would have the United
States break its neutrality and give all
its aid and comfort to the allies, it is the
picture Count von Bernstorff paints of
German armies “hacking their way” in
Canada.
Dr. Dernburg, second in command '»f the
German publicity propaganda, rushes to
the fore with assurance thgt Germany’s
lcve for the Monroe doctrine is so great
it would never contemplate invasion of
Canada. Can Dr. Dernburg expect the
American people to attach any more value
to his assurances than the German gov
ernment does to its treaties?
The only possible effect of Dr. Dern
l urg's disclaimer is to focus attention on
the Von Bernstorff picture—and to make
Americans do a lot of thinking.
London Dispatch in the Philadelphia
Public Ledger: “The Daily Mail corre
spondent at Amsterdam says:
“The German losses have been incalcu
lable. Ostend is full Bruges is full, Ghent
is full, and now Antwerp is filling with
German wounded. Big temporary sheds
are being run up in Bruges to try to hold
part of the unceasing flow of maimed
men.
"Reports come from all sides of kindred
nature. Near Roulers, a man told me,
the dead are lying like human slag heaps.
From the sea front Itself, where the naval
shells have worked havoc, carts come and
go all day with wounded. Thirty-seven
farm wagons, loaded with wounded sol
diers, which passed near Middelkerkc in
the course of a single hour, made a ter
rible picture. A man who saw them, one
gifted with strong nerves, was over
wrought with the sight. There were these
large wagons with outward sloping sides,
and they had been packed with a mass of
dying and wounded men. Many, in fact,
were dead. They were packed in pell-mell,
a heap of mutilated flesh and clothes. It
was a shocking sight, and there are many
such in the rear of the German army.”
New York Telegram: Earth dugouts on
the firing line of the British army are
nicknamed “The Cecil” and “The Hits.”
And they say the British are a sad lot.
Pretty hard to break the spirit of m*n
who face death in that fashion.
GREAT MEN NOT MUSICAL
From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
In a hitherto unpublished letter, George
Washington wrote the following:
"I can neither sing one of the songs,
nor raise a single note on any musical in
strument.”
The father of his country's inability
either to sing or play call! attention to
the very few great Americans who were
gifted in that way. Lincoln was full of
humor, but devoid of all musical tal
ent. .
Grant's famous remark wsa that he
knew hut two tunes. "One was ‘Yankee
Doodle’ and the other wasn't.”
Franklin experimented with an in^ru
ment which whon fitted Into an open
window would be softly played by the
wind. But he couldn't sing and was un
able to perform well on any musical in
strument.
America's four most conspicuous liv
ing Americans—Woodrow Wilson, W. J.
Bryan, Theodore Roosevelt and William
H. Taft—art musicless. Jackson, Benton,
Clay, Calhoun, Webster, Sumner, Seward,
Blaine, Cleveland, Sherman, John Mar
shall, Madison, Monroe—of which one
did you ever read that he was a singer
or even a fairly good Instrumental
musician?
And take the great capitalists—Girard,
Astor, the first Important Vanderbilt,
Jay Gould. J. P. Morgan, A. J, Drcxel,
Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller—
who could sing or play well a violin or
piano ?
Thomas Jefferson was an excellent
violinist, and In being that he Is con
spicuous on America's honor roll, The
only thing whloh Mayor Stokely said
which anybody now remembers was that
"beer and mualo don't mix,”
la It true that political and financial
genius don't mix with music?.
A ••GERMAN” OFFICER
Irvin 8. Cobb In the Saturday Evening
Post.
A German captain came lute the plaoc
to get a drink; he reoogntaed me as ar
American and hailed me, ind wanttd t<
know my buslnees and whathar I could
give him any newt from the outalde world
I remarked on the perfection of his Eng
lish.
”1 suppose I ceme by It naturally," h«
said, "1 call myself a German, but I wai
born In Nashville, Ttnn., and parti)
reared in New Jereey, and educated ai
Princeton, and at this moment I am *
member of the New York Cotton ex
' change,
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
PRIMITIVE MAN. V ‘
If life is love, as poets say, /y*.*V?
! And oftentimes they hit it right,* ' *
Then why iB Europe made today
A shambles where great armies #flght?
We thought the world was civilized.
In parts, at least; but that was wrong.
In lands where "culture” most was prized
The minions of the battle throng.
LAUGHABLE RESULTS.
“Do you go to the theatre to be in
structed or. to be entertained?” asked
the tired business man.
lo be instructed,” answered the stu
dent. “but the efforts of many actors
who attempt Shakespeare provide me with
more entertainment than instruction.”
PAINFUL REALIZATION.
I didn't know what it really meant to
support a wife,” said Mr. Knagson.
"No?” said Mr. Kidders.
“Until I looked thp word up in the dic
tionary and found that it also means to
endure.”
TWOULD SCATTER THINGS.
“I’ve just been reading about the ef
fect of those German shells.”
“What do you think about them?”
"I’d hate like the dickens for one of
them to land on a picnic I was attend
ing.”
ACCOMPLISHED.
The girl who never tasted wine,
A stickler for proprieties,
Now mixes cocktails superfine
Of seventeen varieties.
A SERIOUS PLIGHT. HH1S
"A French officer captured by the Gel- ,
mans had great difficulty in explaining'
that he was not a spy.” ^
“Great difficulty, you say?”
“Yes. His ha nos were tied behind him:
and he couldn't gesticulate.” jH
MODERN DANCING. '** I
"When Mi,s Pippin came to town B :■
was requested to give her a whirl.” ®
"And did you?” ^ H
"To the best of my ability, although I fl
couldn’t wrap her around my Waist a,
some of those professional dancers do.” ^ SM
PRO AND CON. Jjl
I will not sing of pumpkin pie. fjg
Though other bards marfdo it; H
A team of mules—I hope nFdlei—
Could hardly drag me to it. ■
—Paul Cook in Birmingham Age-Herald 5
t ■will not sing of pumpkin pie. ®
For that would be like cheating. H
The feast that lies before my eye > H
Needs all my time for eating. fp
—Youngstown Telegram. J||
THE SECOND STAGE: H
"Toung Gadson and Misa Doppel hava ■
reached the second stage of their court
ship.” S
“What is that?” 7 I
‘’They have stopped playing the Victrola I
and have started to reading poetry to.
gather.” t I
THANKSGIVING’S NEAR. ■
This morn I’m feeling perky. J||
Despite Increasing years; §1
The gobble of the turkey I
Is music to my ears! 1 H
PAUL COOK. jfl
THE EFFICIENT FRENCH ARMY J
Frederick Palmer in Everybody’s Maga
zine.
□YOUNG officer rose from his map
to receive us. Intelligence is the
characteristic of the Frerich pri
vate, and this yoting officer seemed to
express that intelligence concentrated,
trained, cool and ready. For the staff
must have brains, the brains of resource,
the brains that know its troops, its en
emy, its ground, without illusions; and
the character which never loses Its self
possession, never gives a vague order.
The map would have been Greek to you
in Its plotted detail, but the young officer
could read Out of it the contour of the
land, the houses, the ditches, where the
French and the German troops were at
an> point of the line. Outside of the
door- there had been no cavalry escorts
of commanders, no hurrying orderlies,
none of the legendary physical activity
which is associated with an army head
quarters.
A motor car drove up, an officer got
out; another descended to enter the one
waiting for him. But the wires from head
quarters are quicker than motor cars;
with the wires the parts of an army talk
to one another. Thus each eommane'er is
in touch with the others; is in the place
where emergency may demand his atten
tion.
There was a lot more fuss around Fran
cisco Villa's headquarters than around the
headquarters of this French army. Yes,
there were as many officers and clerks
around ours at Vera Criuz—which were
more than Grant or Lee or Sherman had
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••■•••••••••••••••••*
in the field in the civil war.
It would seem that the French civil 4
bureauracy uses so much red tape that *
there is fortunately none left for the >
French army. No confusion, no signs of
hectic overwork; everybody seeming to
be clear enough of details to keep his min i
free fdr essentials. '
At the last French maneuvers, Instead
of the conventional plain in which each
army’s work i$ caref’Jly laid out, Joffre
gave the Red army and the Blue army *
tl.eir positions and told them to go to war ?
and see who could win. The result was
that a number of generals were retired.
One who ought to have been, escaped; but
he is out of it now, while others have won
tl.eir ribbons of the Legion of Honor on
the field of real battle. So jealous wa» 4
the French democracy of “the man on * |
horse", that it is only in recent years j
they would permit actual one-man com
mand. Before that the army was really %
run by a council.
I am beginning to have the impression
that the popular idea that Napoleon was f
a supergenius who won all his battles
alone Is wrong. Ha had a lot of French* |
men along to help him; and it seems to <?
me much the same kind of Frenchmen *
live today. They are far from being a j
dying race. I like their democracy and j
humanity. I like them, too, for leaving 1
their war to France and Marianne; for
not dragging in Ood as frequently as do»j
the warring nations. For it is just possi
ble that God is not fighting on the side l
of any one of them. We don’t know that ^ /?•
He even approves of the war.
ALABAMA SANCTUMS
SonirflitnK Joseph Overlooked
Front the Selma Times.
A negro preacher over in Atlanta styles
Asa G. Chandler a modern Joseph. Old
Joseph did not own the largest soft drink
stand in the world.
V hot Love Is
From the Andalusia Star.
One of our exchanges wants to know
“is love an asset or a liability?" If you re
a politician It's an asset. If you're a
married man it's a liability.
More Police Needed
From the Shelby County Sun.
Birmingham has increased her police
force by the addition of eight new men.
There should have been at least 50 men
added to the force to get the protection
needed.
“Lay On!*’
From the Ashville Southern Aegis.
The Aegis is used to the vituperation
being heaped upon it by its political ene
mies. Let them ramp. This paper deals in
facts and truths, and the people know it
has. tlie courage to stand by its convic
tions. Lay on McDuff!
Didn't In Cotton Then
From the West Alabama Breeze
The new heavy editor of the Tlmea
Gazette evidently got his ideas on “bring
ing out the shape of shapeless women"
from an accident that happened to a lady
at a dance years ago. Way back in the
boom days of the eighties, at a dance at
the Washington hotel, a prominent so
ciety young lady lost her “bustle." Some
naughty boys picked It uj< and it was
found to contain a bundle of Tuscaloosa
Gazettes, the sprightly morning paper of
which the heavy editor was the gay re
porter and business manager at that
time.—Slug One.
FRENCH VILLAGE LIFE
Emile Legouls in London Everyman.
Scarcely any one Is heard to complain.
A11 anxious thoughts that are not turned
to the absent ones ere given to the great
national cause. There has, morever,
eprung up a eplrit of r.ssoclatlon And
mutual assistance, a new thing In a
village where the almost absolute equality
of the inhabitants had rather developed
hablta of petty rivalry and Jealous com
petition. Political feuds, heart-burnings
between “clerlcavix” and '‘antl-clerlcaux,"
whtoh had been as rlfs here as In any
other French community, were all at onoe
thrown Into the background. Partlea
seemed to have disappeared In a miracu
lous manner. The fact of having each
and all the same duty to perform, the
same peril to face, brought old foes sup
posed to be Irreconcilable, if not into in
stantaneous ' friendship, at least into
speaking terms. The republican mayor,
whose two sons had gone to the frontier,
was eeen to exchange kindly words In
the street with the "cure," who, being
a streng-built, youngish man, was sum
moned to leave hia church and Join th<
army. I may add conMentiaSy1 that ths
mayor had a long, inward debate as tc
whether he would pay a formal visit tc
the “qure" before the latter went away.
Though ha decided that It would he going
A little too far, Indeed! and concluded la
.1- ..• « . V
the negative, the mere deliberation was a
marvellous "signe des temps.” Nobody
would have wondered at seeing the school
master himself, whose office made him
the natural head of the anti-clerical party v
in the village, march forth side by side
with the priest, both with kepi on head.
But our schoolmaster is too old to be
turned into a soldier.. t
A PRIVATE POCKET
From the New York Times.
A man who bought a new suit of clothe* %
at one of tho establishments that sell a j
large quantity of read-made clothing dis
covered that the trousers of the suit con
tained an extra pocket which aroused his *
curiosity. It was small, about the size
of a watch pocket, and opened on the
Inside of the right-hand troueers pocket, L
making it invisible as far as outward ap- %
pearance went. At the top of the little j
pocket there was stiff material which kept
it closed, so that on putting one’s hand
in the large pocket the little one would
not be found unless Its presence was
known. —
"Something new, isn't it?” the customer
asked the salesman.
"Yes, that's come into style since the
war created a shortage of loose change,'*
was the reply. "A person making a hur
ried search through the pockets for pin
money has no luck at all when the owner
of the suit uses thii* pocket—unless she
hears something jingle. Pest plan is to *
wrap your change up in a dollar bill."
The customer paid for the suit and left
orders for the clothes to be delivered to
him at a bachelor apartment house up
! town.
SORROW
From the Westminster Gazette.
I Ochone, lt’e the sorrow that's upon me!
I (Chllder, quit yer playin' at the door!)
The sun was ehlnln', but I knew It
wouldn't last,
The signs were bad, an’ 1 saw It eorain' \
fast;
Did ye hear last night the wallin' lv the
blast? '
An' sorrow came down upon the wind.
Wlrra, lt'e the grief that's come upon me!
(Chllder, quit yer talkin' at the door!) i
The farm dog barked, an' the red cock
crew,
An’ the Are went out when the cold wind ■,
blew;
I've heard bad nawe. an' I know lt'e true. 1
For sorrow came down upon the wind.
Ochone, It’s the grief that's come upon
me! ,
(Chllder. quit yer shoutin' at the door!) *
Him that was young, an' beautiful, an’
tall!
When he waved good-by I nlver thought |
he'd fall;
It's meaelf doesn't know what til du, at
at all, at all, ,
For sorrow come down upon the wind.
Ochome, It's the grief that’s come upon i
me!
(Chllder, quit yer laughin’ at the doorl)
Himself worked hard for til gain our
dally bread.
An' now it's the chllder that be til go
unfed.
For far on tbe battlefield he's stretched .
out dead, dH
For sorrow's come down upon the wind. AH
Dear God, It’s .the sorrow that's upon met, I
(Chllder, qnlt yer cryln' at the door!) - ■
There's naught til do but to kneel an’ ■
humbly pray H
To Christ In heaven to be our help this H
day, ■
An'-, to care tor the soul lv him that's ■
gone away— ■
For sorrow's come down upon the w^ad. 9
/