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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, November 02, 1914, Image 4

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K. W. BARRETT Editoi
v' Entered at the 131 rminghum, Ala,
poaiotflce as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1ST9.
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s' a. J. Eaton, Jr.. O. 13. Young and W.
SH. Overby are the only authorized
fT traveling representatives of The Age
Herald In its circulation department.
No communication will he published
without its author’s name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unies-i
Stamps art enclosed for that purpose.
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchunge. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible l’or money sent
through the mails. Address,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
European bureau. 6 Henrietta street,
Convent Garden, London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to
60. Inclusive. Tribune building, Now
York city; Western business office.
Tribune building, Chicago. The 8. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents *or
eign advertising.
Beil (private evchnnisc connecting all
departments). Mnla 4000.
Men ahnll deal unadvisedly some
times, which after hoiira give leisure to
repent. Ml chard III. —
er, hrlp me to read Thy name and
aee Thy glory over all this wonder
ful world today. May the solid earth,
the peopled vault, the sunshine, the
rhtn, the ana, and all the moving and
radiant forms of life spenk to me
of Thy power anil Thy nearness. For
Christ's sake. Amen.—H. M. E.
Soldiers and Shopkeepers
In a translation made from the
semiofficial organ, the Kolnische
Zeitung, for the Literary Digest, there
is a striking defense of German mili
tarism, and while it is intended to put
Germany in a good light, it exposes
| the very faults with which the rest of
the world has been taxing Germany.
The article is too long for reprinting
here, but a few sentences will be suf
ficient to show the tenor of it. Arro
gance and martial ardor are combined
with a scorn of the English because
they prefer commerce to war.
“But what can the English shop
keepers. who buy their soldiers as
they do their cotton bales, what can
these islanders for whom a common
soldier is the most despised human
being on earth, even remotely know of
the self-sacrificing spirit of a people
which finds itself wedged in between
powerful and jealous neighbors, com
pelled for the sheer purpose of self
preservation to become a veritable
‘nation of soldiers?’ . . . We have
nothing but contempt for the English
phrase-makers and English business
politicians who with contaminated
fingers try to soil our national ideal.
. . . When the command to ‘mobo
lize’ was given, when the military
system began to move and operate
j with the accuracy of a machine, when
the German nation, as a matter of
course transformed itself into an
army in gray uniforms, when our
youth, singing and garlanded,
marched out against our enemies, we
overheard an old woman exclaim: ‘See
what we have for our taxes after all!'
That is the spirit of Prussian, of Ger
man militarism, the spirit which ani
mates our entire people, from the
Emperor down to the beggar, the
spirit which stakes everything on na
tional honor.”
That phrase, “national honor,” has
a lofty sound, but the world has re
cently had its eyes opened. It has
found that “national honor” is, to say
the least, elastic in its interpretation
a fact which is proved by the viola
tion of the neutrality of weaker peo
ples and the disregard of peace
treaties, as a mere “scrap of paper.’
The contempt the Germans have foi
English shopkeepers and “business
politicians” is doubtless the way they
secretly regard the peaceful policies
of the United States, a country far
less warlike than Great Britain. The
German people may sincerely think
they are fighting for self-preserva
tion, but it seems more likely that th£y
i are fighting because their leaders
think might makcjB right, and were
tempted in the beginning of the pres
ent war to a test of strength by the
belief that the German army was ir
resistible. One fails to 6ee how theii
national honor is at stake, unless—
and this theory is more tenable—theii
idea of national honor is world-wid<
supremacy regardless of the cost.
H»e Sixty-Fourth Congress
It is not easy to understand wha
satisfaction campaign managers o
political parties get out of exaggeratei
claims two or three days before ai
$ election. In a statement emanatlni
from republican headquarters th
claim Is made that the next House o
Representatives will be republican
There Is scarcely a man In the Unltei
States so indifferent to politics or s
poorly Informed that he does not knot
that the democrats will have a ver;
large majority In the Sixty-fourth Cor
democratic majority In the prei
' ent House of Representatives is ab
normal. In the next Hotise there will
be some falling off, but a conservative
estimate is that the majority will be
73 to 100, which will certainly be large
enough for all practical purposes.
And it would be strange if the dem
ocrais did not have a decisive ma
jority. President Wilson’s administra
I tion has been a splendid success. The
j Sixty-third Congress has been a Wil
son Congress, and the legislation en
acted while not satisfactory to every
body, Is satisfactory to the majority of
the people. The democratic record,
therefore, has a distinct appeal to in
telligent voters.
Mr. Farrell's Large Viewpoint
James A. Farrell, president of the
United States Steel corporation, is.
like Judge Elbert H. Gary, the chair
man of the corporation, free in ex
pressions of compliment to Blrming
ham and unreserved In recording his
appreciation of the resources of the
Birmingham district.
During the three days’ visit of the
industrial leaders attending the gen
eral meeting of the American Iron
and Steel institute, enthusiastic re
marks were heard on every side about
Birmingham's hospitality and the
great future of this mineral center,
and now after the adjournment of the
Institute and the departure of most' of
the visitors Mr. Farrell, who remained
over a day, gives out an important
statement which will be found on
the front page of this morning's Age
Herald. He confirms and reiterates
his oplimistie views previously pub
lished and discusses Birmingham’s
widening opportunities.
It will be particularly pleasing to
the people of this community to read
Mr. Farrell’s unstinted praise of the
official i of the Tennessee company In
their work of building and operating
the large, modern plants that of late
have been attracting the attention of
the industrial world.
Mr. Farrell enjoys the reputation of
being not only thoroughly familiar
with the operating side of the Iron
and steel industry, but he Is accepted
as the foremost authority in this
country on foreign trade. He Is chair
man of the National Foreign Trade
council, which was organized last
May for the purpose of enlarging the
sphere of activities of American man
ufacturers. What he says, therefore,
in respect to the south's foreign trade
will have a direct bearing on the pres
ent business situation. Thus far, he
points out, American exports of man
ufacturers have been chiefly the pro
ducts of large Industries, but it Is Im
portant that the trade should be
further developed and that Its bene
fits should be shared by an Increas
ing number of smaller Industries. A
committee of the National Foreign
Trades council has been appointed to
consider methods by which the small
er manufacturer may be Included in
the great benefits to come from
foreign demand.
President Farrell had not visited
Birmingham in 12 years, and when he
was here before he was not connected
with the Steel corporation; but he
now expresses himself so delighted
with this city and so impressed with
the potentialities of the district, that
he will be a frequent visitor in the
future. In leaving Birmingham yester
day for a business tour through the
south, he stated that he would return
here at the end of two weeks. A
cordial welcome will always await
New York’s Vitriolic Campaign
Not in many years has the state
of New York witnessed such a vitriolic
campaign as that which closes tonight.
The contest for the governorship has
been especially exciting during the
last three weeks. Last week the cam
paign was at white heat.
Martin H. Glynn, who is governor
for an unexpired term, is the demo
cratic candidate for election tomor
row, and no executive of the Empire
state has had a cleaner record or has
shown more administrative capacity
than he; yet Whitman, republican,
who is opposing him, is resorting tc
methods of attack unworthy of a mail
of his standing.
Politicians who are aiding Whitman
under the guise of candidacy for the
governorship, have trumped up many
rumor* calculated to injure Governoi
Glynn. Sulzer, the deposed governor,
is one of the candidates of a make
believe party, who is known to be
Whitman’s side partner. Although
i he is discredited he will poll a con
siderable vote and may possibly suc
ceed in defeating the democratic
; nominee.
[ One of the latest charges against
I Glynn was that he was against the
, national guard; that he had approved
, in his executive capacity, a proposi
, tion to strike out items from thii
, year’s appropriation bills to pay the
allowance for national guard expense:
I fixed by law. The adjutant genera
writes an official letter in which hi
r sets at naught that rumor. He glvei
r the history of national guard legisla
tion and the governor’* attitude to
ward* It and ehowa that Glynn hai
• been thoroughly In eympethy wit!
the national guard and with the
navy militia and has done everything
to promote the efficiency of these two
branches of this country’s volunteer
military system. The national guard
of New York numbers about 16,000
men, 90 per cent of them being voters.
About 60 per cent of the guardsmen
are democrat^, and the unscrupulous
efforts made by Whitman’s assistants
to turn a large part of the state
militia against him has failed utterly.
One of the ablest and most earnest
speeches made in the New York cam
paign was that delivered Friday night
in the Manhattan casino by Secretary
of War Lindley M. Garrison. He met
with a splendid ovation. He made it
plain that the defeat of Glynn would
be a blow at President Wilson, who s
giving the democratic candidate in
New York his unqualified moral sup
The contest for the governorship
seems now close. Three weeks ago
Whitman was undoubtedly in the lead,
but Glynn has been gaining rapidly
and on tomorrow he will probabfy
win by a decisive plurality vote.
There seems to be a growing belief in
some quarters that if the Germans should
win the present war,- and if it suited their
convenience to do so later on, they would
proceed to knock the grand old Monroe
doctrine into a cocked hat.
Rustum Bey seems to have known that
his country would declare war on Russia
sometime in advance. Still, that was no
reason why he should have Incurred the
disfavor of the American government.
“Connie" Mack has asked for waivers
on three of his prize pitchers. Looks like
the uftermath of the crushing defeat ad
ministered to the Athletics by the Boston
George Carpentier, the French pugilist,
is reported to have been wounded at the
front, if he survives the war he will
be more of a popular Idol in France than
^Walter Johnson, the baseball pitcher,
says he is out for the money. Still, a
little baseball patriotism is not amiss,
even whei^ a pitcher can dictate his own
If the Zeppelins had proved half as ef
fective as the German submarine in the
present wrar, there would be some excuse
for England’s fear of a Zeppelin Invasion.
New York's proposed “lobster bargain"
days could not possibly interest the chorus
beauties who abhor anything marked
down—when a chappie is paying for it.
The Prince of Monaco can well afford
to donate $600,000 to Germany’s war fund.
The bank at Monte Carlo, you know, is
never really broken.
A Boston man slept 10 months and
wasn’t disturbed by the world’s champion
ship series. A hopeless case, If there
ever was one.
It is becoming more and more apparent
that General Villa is an ambitious man,
a state of mind that bodes no good for
It appears that “Villa’’ is merely a
“stage name." We trust that the man
who bears it won’t prove a “bad actor."
Wireless telegraphy has been hard hit
by the war. Neutrality must be preserved
in the air, as well as on sea and land.
Germany seems determined to send the
British navy to the bottom, one ship at a
time. John Bull had better wake up.
Mrs. Pankhurst says she will resume
hostilities as soon as the war is over.
That woman lias no heart.
From the Ohio State Journal.
Our hearts go out to him. Next to man
he is the greatest victim of the war. Ho
gees in and gets killed, thousands of him,
and he doesn’t know what for. It's no
affair of his. He doesn’t care which
wins, Germans, French, English or Rus
sians—it is all alike to him. He gives
up his life for one just as soon as for
the others. He doesn't hesitate. He
rushes up to the blazing cannon just as
freely as he scampers across the green
fields, not thinking or caring for death.
He gives up his life for some country,
he doesn’t know which.
In artillery or cavalry he plunges to
death and becomes a part of the havoc
of war without a reason or reward. He
belongs to the armament and is on a
level with powder, gun, cannon and
sword, and yet he Is a part of the sol
diery when it conies to suffering and
cruelty. Never does he experience the
old Roman sentiment: “It is sweet to
die for one's country." It might be if
he had a country. He hasn’t—he belongs
to all mankind, and this is the way they
treat him.
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
A millionaire is always bragging about
how he made his first thousand. But he
never says much about how he made his
last thousand.
The reason why a woman likes to have
a fancy clock in every room In the house
Is because she has to call up the telephone
operator six times a day to learn the
» correot time.
Isn’t it wonderful how easy It Is to go
to sleep in the morning after it is time
to get up?
Tlie man who has to listen to a hard
luck story is entitled to more sympathy
than the fellow who is telling it.
Some people in this world will never
be happy as long as they know that any
one else is happy'.
A skinny girl has an awful time going
over a muddy crossing without getting
her skirt soiled. But a corn-fed gir1
can’t see anything to worry about.
Why is It that the man wiio has a neck
that iooks like an elephant’s hind leg al
ways keeps the back of his head shaved'
It is never too late to mend, but it it
usually too early.
The old-fashioned hen that used to give
us strictly fresh eggs now has a daughtei
who is in cahoots with a cold atorag(
Somehow or other it is usually the fellov
i who has six sure things before the firs
race who hasn't five sure pennies to ge
home with after the last race,
i A youth Always looks forward to tin
day when he will be his own boss. And
1 about the time It arrives, he goes and geb
married. \
The reason why a girl likes the Ugh
turned low' when u member of the Hans
i Holders’ union calls 1b because shs can eir
Joy a kiss and not have to worr” beu^is<
, she Isn’t blushing, ^
Index of Better Conditions
“The cigar business is probably a
fair index of trade conditions, pros
pectively, at least,” said Harry Levy of
Porto Rico, who represents a large fac
tory in that territorial adjunct of the
United States.
"I have Just made a very extended
trip through Texas, and the middle
west, coming here from New Orleans.
In Dallas, Galveston and Houston, and
in fact all the principal Jobbing places
(he wholesale grocers and the tobacco
jobbers told me they were making
large sales and shipments of goods:
that confidence seemed to be re
established, and that the outlook
seemed good for steady business. In
New Orleans. I found things optimistic
an* no sign of any dragging; in fact
in my line there was a decided In
crease in business. I take this as an
index of a healthy condition, for you
know cigurs are a luxury, and with
some almost a necessity.’’
Democrats Will Win Grent Vletory
"ft looks to me as if the democrats
would have almost as great a majority
In the next Congress as they have In
this," said Rufus L. Seaton of Denver.
"I am nothing of a politician hut
whenever I have voted it has been the
democratic ticket.
"The Wilson administration has made
a fine Impression In the west. I have
heard many old democrats ^ay that Mr.
Wilson wa| making the best Presi
dent this county has had since the civil
war. 1 believe the democrats will gain
several congressmen in the forthcom
ing election.”
Hotter Grades of Cotton Sought
"The demand for cotton In this mar
ket has largely been from the Caro
lines and eastern mills, and for the best
grades," said a local cotton man. "For
tunately, most of the cotton has been
running well up In grade*. I take the
demand for strict middling and good
middling to be that the mills think that
good middling delivered at, say 7^4
cents, is better to work on than mid
dling at a lower price.
"The cotton warehouses here are al
ready getting crowded and, in fact, all
the warehouse facilities of the state
are being taxed to house cotton to their
iullest capacity with overflow accom
modations under shed and canvass."
Steady Improvement In Business
"Those people who thought hard
times had come to stay should cheer
up, for business prosperity is returning
and returning fast." said John W. Leslie
of Philadelphia.
"Within the past two weeks I have
been to Denver and have visited sev
eral of the northwestern states. I met
men from every part of the west and
I returned east quite buoyant over
business conditions. The fact is that
the west is on a boom. The enormous
wheat crop islbeginlng to be felt most
helpfully. The farmers are getting high
prices, and before the end of the year
money will be in abundant circulation
in the west.
"The cotton situation has been felt
seriously in the east as well us in the
south, but conditions have improved
wonderfully within the last few days.
The active participation of the federal
reserve board in handling the cotton
problem has accounted to a great ex
tent for the present improvement. The
opening of the Liverpool and New York
cotton exchanges on September 10 will
certainly benefit the rotton south, and
it is safe to say that everybody in tills
part of the country is 100 per cent bet
ter off than they imagined they were a
mohth ago."
Growing Brighter Dolly
Henry Clews in his Saturday review
says in part:
“The financial situation grows
brighter almost daily in spite of the
heavy European war cloud. This week
there has been marked progress In
clearing up the foreign exchange sit
uation, and the restrictions upon credit,
foreign and domestic, are being gradu
ally lessened. One of the most striking
evidences of improvement has been In
the recovery of our foreign trade, par
ticularly In exports, from the effects
of war shown in the September statis
tics. In that month. It will be recalled,
o«r exports declined *62,000,000 and our
imports *31,000,00(1, the loss in exports
being largely in cotton and the loss
in imports being chiefly in manufac
tured products. Our export trade dur
ing the current month, and especially
during the past week, has been partic
ularly active. The Increase in raw
products and war supplies has been
very conspicuous. Cotton has been
going forward very freely; and the an
nouncement by Great Britain that cot
ton will not be considered contraband,
even to Germany, insures a continued
free movement of this staple. This,
of course, will materially relieve the
cotton situation, and will also serve
to settle our foreign, debit balunce and
check gold exports, To the south, which
Is largely dependent upon foreign buy
ing of cotton, this movement will be
particularly welcome, even If cotton
docs go out at a*very low price.
“There hus been an Increased move
ment ip investments of the better class.
Prices are exceedingly low and there
it no lack of bargains to be obtained
by buyers with ready money. Were
the local exchange opened with values
fairly testod by the conflict of opinion
between buyers and sellers there would
lately be considerable Investment buy
ing. Well selected investments should
bring good profits at no very distant
period. Strong efforts aro being made for
a reopening of the Stock exchange, but
much depends upon the action of Lon
don, where several plans have already
been proposed that would seem to be
near a solution of the difficulties at
that center. The moratorium expires
in London next week and It not ex
pected to be renewed, the sltualton
there showing daily and persistent Im
provement. Thus far Europe has fi
nanced the war, which Is costing, it is
claimed, at the rate of about $*0,000,000
a day, without for the time being, any
apparently serious difficulty which is
certainly a world’s record experience."
In the November American Magazine
an unpublished bit from Tolstoy of spe
cial significance today is reprinted
from the fly leaf of a book owned by
George M. Phillips of West Chester,
Pa. It was written in November, 1009,
and is as follows:
“It is difficult to conceive a position
more full of misery than tb it the
present Christian world with its na
tions armed one against the other, with
its inevitably and ever Increasing
taxes for the Maintenance of ltb ever
Increasing armaments, with its grow
ing hatred of the working classes for
the wealthy: with war hanging over
all like the sword of Damocles, ready
to fall at any moment as It must in
1 evltably do sooner or later.
"Awaken men and belleva the gos
pel," said Jesus Christ ItOt years ago,
and those words have the greatest force
in our time because Christ's prophecy
* has been fulfilled and the folly and
k misery of our life which ha foretold,
I have now attained their utmost lim
Rome Dispatch in the New York Sun:
The efforts made by the authorities of
Venice to form a students corps for the
protection of the town against possible
invasion have failed. Inducements of va
rious kinds were held out, but without
effect. The students In the last year
course were offered diplomas, but only' 30
out of 300 German students accepted and
not a single Italian.
Great military preparations are going
on at Trent, In the Italian Tyrol, where
everybody seems to be at work construct
ing fortifications. Large numbers of
young men are crossing the frontier in
anticipation of being called to serve in
the army.
London Cable to New York American:
Although the German experts declared
that the renewed offensive in the north
by the hurling of six or seven new Ger
man corps into the line must be decisive,
the allied line remains unbroken. The
unexampled sacrifice of life by the Ger
man generals dlls the towns and villages
of Germany with wrecks of poor human
ity but nothing more. General Joffre was
fortunate to find at the 'lead of the armies
of Ills allies such brave spirits as King
Aluert and Sir John French.
Meanwhile the capture of Warsaw and
winter quarters on the Vistula are far
from achievement. Grand Duke Nicholas,
assured of marked numerical preponder
ance, Is beginning a general offensive.
The. Germans have not yet displayed suf
ficient capacity to withstand it.
The Austrians are putting up a better
fight in Galicia than was expected after
their reverses, but the Russian pressure
Is felt severely all along the line.
Russian troops from Siberia, Caucasus
and Turkestan have arrived to strengthen
the corps In Europe. The Russian staff
can now begin to art with confidence born
of strength.
Parts Cable to New York Times: The
Journal dTnformatfon states that the
French infantry have recently gained
much ground in the Argunne region
through the use of steel breastplates,
which, though unable to resist point blank
bullets, are nevertheless impenetrable at
a range which permits troops to paUBe
before the last rush with the bayonet.
The Journal de Rennes announces that
the Russian government decided to adopt
the breastplate at the outbreak of the
war, and placed Immense orders with a
factory at St. Hilaire de Harcouet, which
had tile exclusive manufacture rights.
The French government also has now
ordered large quantities and has released
the reservists employed In the factory,
which is busy night and day.
From the New York World.
To other forms of industrial depression
must be added "the worst theatrical seas
on the country has d*ver known," with the
conditions more acute in the smaller
towns than in the larger cities.
There is a disposition, of course, to put
the blame on the war, Just as last year
the tango was to blame. But neither the
war nor restaurant dancing has inter
fered with the popularity of the "movies,"
nor has any of these elements of compe
tition hampered the success of really good
plays. As a prominent manager says."in
New York the shows that are unquestlon
; sbly worth while are doing a big business,
| but even here a play which in an ordinary
year would 'get by’ Is doing no business
at all."
Is not the fundamental’ cause of the
whole trouble to be found in Just that
condition—In the overproduction of plays
merely good enough to ’get by’ in the most
favorable circumstances? What the New
York stage Is suffering from most is not
outside industrial depression or the com
petition of other lines of amusement, but
from a deterioration of dramatic 'quality
due to overexpansion.
There Is always plenty of support for
plays "worth while." But for the dram
atic mediocrity which makes no "appeal"
to anything but the playgoer’s pocket, the
"movies," dancing, or even "canned”
music in the home circle, affords a satis
factory substitute. If New York to-day
had only as many theatres per 10,000 of
population as It had in Daly's time, and it
standards of production were equally
high, there might be fewer complaints of
poor business.
From Life.
"What I don’t understand," said the
girl under the velvet bowl, "is why they
went to war in the first place."
"Oh, that’s easy,” replied the girl un
der the goura spray; "it was caused by
the assassination of the Austrian crown
"Yes, I understand that, of course."
said the velvet bowl, "and I suppose the
l>an-Slavs Just had to be put down, but
I don't see wily Belgium should be treat
ed so dreadfully."
’’Well, you see, my dear, that 1« only
because Belgium was neutral."
"What a pity, isn’t It? If Belgium
had only not been neutral. I suppose
that Is what England tried to do. Hasn’t
England been superb?”
"Hasn’t she? I love Sir Edward Grey.”
"He was the one who did so much fot
Belgium, wasn’t he? Still, I don't under
stand even now why they went to war
in the firat place.”
‘■Well, you see, they couldn't help it,
because Germany is so military."
"And 1 suppose Belgium being neutral
made it all the harder."
"Of courae, as I understand It, when
a neutral country meets ne Intensely
military country, war mus How.”
"Isn't it dreadful?”
“Terrible!” I .»
• ___
Ed A. Goewey in Leslie s.
Ban Johnson, president of the Amer
ican league, has announced that he is
pretty well satisfied with baseball as
it stands, and that he intends to adopt
vigorous measures to suppress any
bright young men in his organisation
who want to try out innovations that
will give them an unfair advantage.
Recently It was learned that one ol
the Yankee pitchers won a game from
the AthletlcB largely by the uae ol
emery paper. The twlrler found that
by roughing the surface of the ball he
could throw better curves than usual,
and he did this roughing by means ol
a piece of emery paper concealed In hli
glove. After a brief line from Johneor
he drops** the trick from hie repertoire
No rule c “r» the case, but a declara
tion from ne head of the Amerlcar
league thaw any player who used sand
paper or eiinery would be automatically
suspended and filled $100 wae all that
was necessary to stop the evil. Un.
doubtedly the,Natlonal league will fli
a similar psnalty.
Br bjj.l, VINES
Washington, November 1.
(Special.)—Dr. Max Nordau,
who only a short while ago
took a shot at the American women,
and referred to them rudely as persons
not well bred, and as "barbarians with
out culture,” has found time while not
dodging bombs dropped from a German
dirigible to submit a few cheerful and
well chosen words regarding American
Max evidently knows a lot about
America. He seems to have the goods
on us and that's all there is to it. It is
quite likely that Max has been no near
er America than he has the firing line,
but he has his ideas about us, and he
prints the same with great abandon.
In discussing the American man, Max
says: "He is married; he loves his wife;
but he lives in New York, Boston or Chi
cago, while she amuses herself in Paris
or Monaco.”
It is presumed that in discussing the
American man, Max does so in the
community sense. He is not referring tc
an individual. Therefore according tc
Max, we are all married, and we live
either in New York, Boston or Chicago,
and we love our wives in spite of that
fact. Also all our wives are amusing
themselves either 1n Paris or Monaco.
Personally we are glad that Max took
up Into Ills confidence and put us next,
We knew we was married all right, but
we wasn't on to the fact that our wife
was amusing herself in Paris, or Mo
naco—exact address unknown. Neithei
did we know that we liv<*4 in eithei
New York, Boston or Chicago.
Max continues: "He speaks laconics
in a deep calm, nasal voice. He is like
a motor which works without noise. H<=
says little and works all the time.” Max
may be wise about the American man*—
it may be that he can give us two lap*
the start and beat us a mile on writ
ing up the American man, but we’ll bel
a week’s wages to the hole in a dough
nut that he has never met a membei
of Congress. If he ever got a slant a(
suiuc ui our American siaiesmeu n<
would hastily revise his estimato.*He’<
cut- out that "laconics in a deep, calm
nasal voice" stuff. He might say that
he worked like a motor, but he would
beg leave to amend that section whicl
says, "which works without noise" and
substitute "makes a noise like an in«
Max, in fact, is simply writing abou'.
the American women and America!
men, and basing his opinion of th< j
whole upon $the few samples he hai f
run across in Paris. Of course what
Max says about us don’t matter much
and there is no special reason why wi
should take it to heart. But Max, ovei
in France, is regarded, for some unac
countable reason, as being quite an au
thority upon all such matters, and H
is high time that those of us who di
not live in New York, Boston and Chi
cago, and whose wives are not in Pari*
or Monaco, to let out a yelp and in
form Max that it is "all wrong." Ol
course it is not obligatory that we men
tion it to Max, I merely suggest it.
It is no more fair for Max to mak«
an anlysis of the American man and
woman from the few he has met thar
It »'ould be for us to size up the French
nation after taking a survey of Max'*
intellectual dome. If we were to do th#
latter and render a frank verdict, w<
would probably be arrested for a viola
tion of the neutrality laws.
Max refers further to the American
man: "In the presence of men he is a
fighter—phlegmatic, cold as ice and
hard as steel. With women he is a de
fenseless child."
Max must have tried to borrow
money from some New York broker.
Max ought to have known that 111
couldn’t put that over.
In the presence of women, the Ameri
can man is a little helpless., We havi
never been accustomed over here to go
armed on such occasions, the authori
ties have rather discouraged it. On th«
whole we are forced to the conclusion
that Max is a fathead.
_ i
A Lone Republican
From the Cullman Democrat.
The republican nominees for the legis
lature are good men, but they would fine
It very lonesome in the Alabama legisla
ture. The present legislature has only one
republican in it. How can that man hold a
republican caucus?
Limited Topica
From the Wetumpka Herald.
In order to escape being accused of lack
of neutrality nowadays one must confine
one's remarks to the mean annual rain
fall. sunshine or weather.
Good Roada Worth While
From the Gadsden Times-News.
Almost any plan that will result in good
roads is better than no plan at all. Good
roads mean better living, better profits
better government and an advanced civ
Wants Federal Conrt
From the Tuskegee News.
Andalusia is working hard to get a
federal court. Editor Doty is hot in be
hind the movement, and when he bends
his energies things generally happen.
Several of “Him”
From the Franklin County Times.
The Birmingham Age-Herald keeps or
harping about the republican in Franklii
county who insists that no war is goin*
on, that it is only a scheme to lower cot
ton on the part of the democrats. Come
now, what’s this man’s name? The Times
is a democratic paper all right, but ws
want 4o know who this man is and if h«
is really a republican.
Cotton to Spore
From the Centreville Press.
One thing is sure, in case we have a
cold winter the south will have plentj
of "kiver.”
Political Chestnuts
From the Gadsden Times-News.
Chestnuts are said to be plentiful thii
year. The republicans are exhibiting
their usual crop of political chestnuts
and al lof them are as worm-eaten as
Trust in Pigs
From the Roanoke Leader.
Our southern people had better pul
th^ir trust in pigs than In princes or poli
From the New York World.
The democratic voters in the late Indian.
apoll8 primaries nominated for Judge ol
the Juvenile court a man representing
himself to he Frank X. O'Brien, who liac
been a resident of St. Louis, where he was
well and favorably known as a lawyer
and served several terms In the Missour
legislature. It Is now discovered that he
is In reality John F. O’Brien of St. Louis
where he has a long police record as a
thief and hobo and associate of criminals
He had assumed and taken to Indianapolis
the name and the record of an actual anc
reputable lawyer of St. Louis, and was
within a week of being voted for on a
Judicial nomination when discovered anc
put off the ballot.
Impersonations of the dead have beer
common here and there Is attempts t<
cheat the ballot box. Pretensions tc
character at variance with their own hat <
been common among candidates for office
But In these times of easy communica
tion we fail to recall a case like this
where a man in one place has stared tc
impersonate a well-known citizen of an.
other to sain an important public office
and nearly succeeded in doing so.
The friends of the old caucus and con
ventlon system will say that under it suet
a fraud could never have got so far
Perhaps. But it 1« for the friends of dlrec
nominations to observe that this ma
ehlnery will not run itself in perfec
From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Giacomo Casanova, "the greates
trickster the world has ever known,'
and perhaps the only man who over es
caped from "under the leads," the ter
rlble dungeo-- in the roof of the Palacs
of the Doge "bieet of an en
tertaining a ent 12dln
burg Revlev
Casanova, ling play
ers, was bo ,725, Whei
It years olf ree as doc
tor of law of Padua
a classical proflclenoj
already, ar .mperamen
was wholl; )h a calln,
he decided rlest. Afte
flying in i dreariness
of a ooun artlrana, li
Calabria, appolntmen
at Roma oretaries o
Cardinal > act of foil
soon lsd Willie stli
only 18 he :antlnople li
search of ig first pro
cured a e islgn In th
A Bold Statement
From the Columbiana Advocate.
The democrats can’t buy enough vote*
In this county to win the election nex1
Or Else “Nothing New”
From the Livingston Southern Home.
If the world came to an end presumably
Britain’s official press bureau would re
port it as follows: “The situation at the |
fiont remains unchanged.” tfl
More Hanging* Needed
From the Scottsboro Citizen.
The Birmingham Age-Herald finds cor*
eolation in the fact that Memphis l.ai
more murders committed in the city than
Birmingham. Memphis leads the United
States and Birmingham somes second.
Birmingham needs to have about an even
100 hangings each year, and maybe more,
That would help to lower the unenviable p
murder record.
I A Conservative Man ^
From the Talladega Reporter.
The Birmingham Age-Herald has a pic*
ture and write-up of Senator Marion H. I
Sims tills week, and compliments his dis
cretion by not answering yes or no to
many questions of which he does not yet *
know what will be the bearings. No,
Senator Sims will have to know his bear
ings before he does his voting. {
A New County
From the Huntsville Times. j
As it were in the twinkling of an eye I
the south is to be transformed into a
new country as a result of tills European
war and low-priced cotton. Particularly
Is this true of the northern tier of Ala
bama, where an abundance of wealth ob
tains and opportunities matchless hold
out for live stock raising country. Fertile
cotton fields are to be turned into green
pastures. Cover crops that will stay ari
to be planted and our agriculturalists will J
see to it that every imaginable food prod- J
net Is raised; for we not only have-our
own country to feed, ljut tl>e foreign coun
tries as well. Enough cotton will be
raised to take care of the demand, but no
longer shall this section he dubbed as
just a mere cotton raising section. Our
lands are so fertile that a change as by
magic is right now in process of opera
tion. Congratulations for the oppor
From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Ever watch a long, all-steel limited train
roll majestically out of a railroad sta
tion? Looks Impressive, what?
Did you observe almost at the same
time an inconspicuous hole in the wall
over In an obscure corner of the station?
Bundles pouring in and out, but no sig
nals, no testing of -brakes, no official
in uniform with wac-.. in hand to nott
exact seconds.
All the attention of a corps of trained
men is riveted upon the limited as she
sweeps away to her destination. A few
half-grown boys look after that affair be
yond the hole in the wall.
But the parcel room in a busy rail
road station which is back of that hole is
a diamond mine. It pays 10 times bigger
dividends on the investment than all the
flashy limited trains sent out of the sta
Every dollar employed by the Reading
and Pennsylvania in their parcel rooms
earns as much as any $5 employed in tht
pretentious compartments from which
you buy your railroad ticket.
Sequel; You can knock down as m&njr
chestnuts with a pine knot as with a $20
By Eugene Field.
The stars are twinkling bright at
And Luna sinks in western steep
Her lonely watch fair Cynthia k
And broods upon her maiden lov.
Upon her pallid cheek a tear ^
Stjays from her wan arid ftreles
And from her Ups escapes a si
“Oh, why Is not Orlando here?”
Is that his voice In yonder dal?,
That floats like music on the a
No, no, Orlando is not there—
’Tis but the tuneful nightingale.
Is it his ‘steps upon the hill.
That hringB the bloom to C
aheek ?
Nay, ’tis a thirsty mule that »e<
‘ Refreshment at the mountain rill.
Heav’n keep the© in thy piteous
O Cynthia, fair as summer skie
’ Compos® thy sorrow, wipe thln«
- Orlando will not come tonight.
i por in the midnight’s solemn husl
He breathes a vow that smells o
* He holds a hand that is not thlr
And dallies with a bob-tall flush.

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