The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], February 12, 1915, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

Image provided by: University of Alabama Libraries, Tuscaloosa, AL

                
THE AGE-HERALD:
11. W. BARRETT.Editor!
i.niei eil at The liirmiiignam, Ala.,
postoffice as second clues matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1379.
Hally and Sunday Age-Herald.... IS.00
Hally and Sunday, per month.70
Haily and Sunday, three months., 2.00
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum... .50
Sunday Age-Herald. 2.00
A. J. Eaton. Jr., and O. E. Young ure
the only authorised traveling repre
sentatives of The Age-Herald lu Us cir
culation department.
No communication will be published
without Us author's name. Rejects:!
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed lor that purpose.
Remittances cun bo made at current
rave of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible for money sent
through the hiajls. Address.
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau. 207 liibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta streei,
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office, Rooms 43 to
50, inclusive. Trtbuno building, New
York city; western business office,
Tribune building, Chicago. The ri. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exonangr eouaeeting ull
j departments; Mala 4000.
I marvel heir fl*hc* live In «Ue »«
Why, «» men do a-landi Ihe Coat ones
eal up the 11*1 le one*. —l*erleleM.
BEGINNING THE DAY—O Knlli
' ,r, rrx< me. I.et me feel my feet
un the rook. Get me feel my mind on
Thee, my lienrt nnehored Ip Thee.
>1nv nil the elnniorlnn voice* !>.*
hushed, nnd may the "till mnnll
voice* find and hold nnd lend ml
nonl. In t'hrlat'a mime. Amen.—
II. M. E.
Defeat Five-Commission Bill
When the bill to increase the Bir
mingham commission to five members
was first introduced in the senate
friends of the measure had planned to
push it through the legislature with
the least possible delay.
The people of Birmingham have
never asked for a change in the com
mission form that now exists, but few
of them had waked up to the im
portance of organizing a strong pro
test against the proposition. I he
public is now becoming aroused, how
ever. The three-commissioner form is
ample, and representative citizens and
all who believe in minimizing' politics,
are opposed to adding to the number.
Many of them are now speaking out
and the arguments used against the
pending measure are practical and
cogent.
The bill goes over to the July ses
sion. In the meantime every op
ponent of the five-commission meas
ure should strive to have the law re
main as it is.
By concerted effort on the part of
the people of this city the bill can be
defeated.
Business Men on Better Basis
The great industrial companies of
this country are managed by men
noted not only for their capacity but
for their interest in civic affairs and
their sympathy with humanity.
The United States Steel corporation
is exceptionally fortunate in having
such broad-minded and strong-hearted
men as Chairman E. II. Gary and
President Janies A. Farrell associated
• in the direction of the corporation’s
extensive operations. The chairman
and the president are equally oplim
' istic, and they have the faculty of
presenting conditions in a bright light
and seeing the better side of busi
ness when it is depressed. President
Farrell made a speech in Pittsburg
recently in which he emphasized the
! fact that business was improving. He
madq an appeal to business men gen
erally to co-operate in bringing about
complete business recovery, and the
■ general tenor of his remarks had a
very cheering effect on the industrial
world.
The address delivered by Judge
Gary at the unemployment luncheon
; of the Merchants’ association of New
York three weeks ago has been pub
lished in pamphlet form and is being
. widely circulated. It is a notable
discussion of present conditions, and
while deploring the distress prevail
ing in New York on account of the
large number of unemployed men and
women Judge Gary dials with a num
ber of problems touching directly the
. business and industrial field. He has
, written and spoken in an illuminating
manner on many occasions, but in this
5 last address he is especially construc
tive. In referring to the reasons for
various depresing conditions Judge
' Gary said that the business men had
been partly at fault.
: “We had become,” he said, “more
| or less careless in management, indif
| ferent to the rights and interests of
others, regardless of our responsi
; bilities towards those for whom we
' had become trustees, as directors, of
! ficials or otherwise, and unmindful
of the general public welfare. We
did not sufficiently realize our duty
towards one another, towards rivals
5 In business and to employes whose
welfare we were in duty bound to pro
| te;t and promote. I make no personal
: references and have no individual or
corporation in mind. All of us failed
to measure fully up to our obligations;
1
and sometimes we were deserving of
unfavorable criticism. Many of those
who criticized were actuated by the
best of motives; others by the desire
for notoriety or individual advance
ment. The effect was bad and in
many instances not justified. Fre
quently those who knew the least
about the actual facts had the most
to say by way of attack^
“Now, having admitted wha# many
of you may claim is more than the
facts warrant, I venture the assertion
that these conditions which have been
referred to are disappearing. The
business men of this country at the
present time are on a better basis
than ever before. Their management,
their conduct, their business morals
are improved, their standards are
higher. As a result, can anyone
doubt that the sentiment mentioned
is changing or that there is more co
operation between all classes of peo
ple, a recognition to a greater degree
than ever before that it is to the ad
vantage of each to have all others
prosper?’’
Judge Gary’s address throughout
was on a high ethical plane and it
cannot fail to have a far-reaching ef
fect for good.
Chamber of Commerce Activities
The Birmingham Chamber of Com
merce, which has an excellent record,
will r’ uoiiess increase its activities
as time goes on. Even in the early
days before public spirit had been de
veloped or team work had been heard
of the organization, known as it was
then as the Commercial club, was the
center of influence and accomplished
much good; but now since Birming
ham has become a large and rapidly
growing city the Chamber of Com
merce is counted upon for larger
achievement than in the past and it
has more than made good its promise
in respect to the promotion of this
community’s upbuilding.
One of the greatest achievements
in the history of the chamber and by
far the greatest within the last 12
months was the inauguration of
the crop diversification campaign in
Alabama. This movement, originat
ing with the farm committee of the
chamber,was regarded as a good thing
from the start, but the chairman of
that committee, William P. Redd,
could hardly have imagined that it
would turn out to be the splendid en
terprise which is today attracting the
attention of the entire state.
Every business man in every city
and %wn in Alabama from Sand
mountain to the gulf fully appre
ciates the importance of the crop cam
paign, for the merchant and manu
facturer as weU as the farmer will be
benefited in a degree that cannot be
overestimated. It was the Chamber
of Commerce that worked up the en
thusiasm and now that the campaign
is in full swing it can be easily seen
that it is the greatest undertaking
that has been launched in Alaabma in
recent years.
Many opportunities will present
themselves for Chamber of Commerce
activities this year under President
Crawford Johnson’s administration
and it is reasonable to assume that one
or more large projects will be started
and worked out to successful conclu
sions.
Cost of the War
Many attempts have been made to
estimate the eost of the European war,
but the vast sum can only be approxi
mated. Prof. Julius Wolf of Berlin
estimates the cost of the struggle at
$37,500,000 a day, of which Germany
pays $10,000,000, Austria-Hungary
$5,000,000 and the allies $22,500,000.
These figures are almost incredible,
but as a matter of fact, they do not
approximate the real cost of the war,
not only to the powers actually en
gaged, but to the whole world. And
this staggering burden will not be
lifted when the war ends. It must be
borne for years to come—a frightful
toll of human suffering and privation.
The soldier who dies on the battle
line is well out of it. Those who sur
vive will pay a dearer price and un
born generations will feel the blight
of this senseless conflict which has
affected, either directly or indirectly,
most of the world’s inhabitants. Every
man in this country who has his sal
ary cut, every employe who is “laid
off” until better times, every mer
chant who is forced to the wall be
cause of financial pressure and the in
ability to make collections is a victim
of the war god that is ravaging Eu
rope.
All indications pointed to one of the
most prosperous years in the history
of the United States when Europe
went mad and plunged the world in
darkness. With its enormous resources
and great recuperative powers, this
country has weathered the storm and
is regaining its former stability, but
the aftermath'is yet to be reckoned
with and long after America has
ceased to reflect. ,the disturbance
abroad, the people of Europe will be
struggling against the poverty
brought upon them by war. ■
In Belgium alone thousands of pros
perous business men were ruined and
the chances are that most of them will
never be able to recoup their fortunes;
certainly not to the extent they form
erly enjoyed. Another generation will
have tofcarry on the work in Belgium
and elsewhere in Europe. It will be a
task of years to obliterate the scars
that will be left.
In view of these facts, even the
stupendous sum of $37,500,000 a day
appears insignificant. The war is not
only costing money, but much that
money cannot buy.
A greasy old bundle, containing the
sacred tattooing implements of the Osage
Indians, recently brought the highest
price ever paid for a curiosity by the
University of Pennsylvania museum. The
Implements were wrapped In coarse buf
falo hair cloth, reed mats, buckskin and
calico, and are 45 in number. Kach has
a different degree of sacredness, but no
one knows*their exact significance, as the
last Osage Indian who understood the
necromaey and the religious character of
tattooing is dead. There was a dried
bird in flie bundle, with the feathers
still on it, a brass ring and thimble, a
weasel skin, a wooden cylinder, a i art
ridge and little wooden shafts fitted with
steel needles with which the actual tat
tooing was done. All these objects, how
ever, were supposed to have a ten-ible
power over the human body and soul.
Thorns were used before the Indians got
needles from ttjf white men. The tat
tooing bundle at the university museum is
thought to be the only one in existence.
It was sought for by agents for many
months. Jt is said that medicine men for
merly received the equivalent of $1500 for
tattooing the sons of Indiun warriors.
The “Wbales” will do very well as a
name for the Chicago Federal League
baseball team, so long as they can keep
in the swim anil -avoid being mistaken
for submarines by “o. b.“ gunners.
Officials estimate that the “jitney bus”
reduces the daily receipts of the street
railway company at least $700, a sum
which would pay the wages of a great
many conductors and motormen.
A New Jersey man Is mad all over be
cause a dentist pulled two good teeth
and overlooked a had one. He should
stop to consider that everybody is more
or less distraught these days.
If Senator Lodge really wanted to at
tract more attention to himself than he
has had heretofore, he succeeded by say
ing that he didn’t know who “Connie’'
Mack was.
Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefel
ler say they have given away $574,000,000,
but all the average man can do is to give
himself away*, and that causes him
trouble.
It is a striking coincidence that Birming
ham has a “water problem” at a time
when the prohibitionists seem determined
to make everybody drink water.
Tt is sad but true that a great many
of our hyphenated Americans are going
to have the quality of their citizenship
questioned for years to come.
The women of a Kansas town propose to
ostracize all the gossips there. If that
is done, each woman will probably have
to flock by herself.
-...-%
Cremation was suggested by a headline
in The Age-Herald, “Chinese Gunmen
Burned.” However, they were merely
buried.
A Hoboken astrologist predicts a great
blizzard in February, but it has just been
decided that astrology is not a science.
Tourists who can’t go to Europe can go
to California and have a fairly good time
with the plain people.
Illinois is blushing because of its feeble
minded legislature. Alabama is suffused
for the same reason.
An “Iron hand” would do a world of
good in Mexico just about now, but there
isn’t om* in sight.
The «>-cent loaf hits the poor man right
between the eyes.
HuntsvHle Mercury-Banner: A Mont
gomery headline reads, "Boat at the
Wharf Doaded Both Ways." We would
not be surprised if there are not a few
legislators at the capitol in a like con
dition.
Montgomery Times: There may be a
difference of opinion as to what happened
to Birmingham’s finances, but nearly
everybody will agree that they neeed
mending.—Birmingham Age-Herald. And
once getting them mended, get a strong
padlock and keep the door locked sound
and fast.
Gadsden Journal: Investigation of a
I Kentucky election fraud disclosed that
"votes for women’’ could be bad at $1
each, while "votes for men" came at $2 |
and $3 apiece. The men, of course, had j
no idea of bargains.
Guntersville Democrat: One lone car
dinal piped his lay Monday morning, but
ho sang as if he was afraid some one
would hear him.
Anniston Star: "Anniston has forfeited
Us title, the "Model City," by having six
policemen killed in the discharge of their
duty in the past six months," says The
Age-Herald. Possibly so, but we will re
claim the forfeit.
THE UNKNOWN JAPANESE
Arthur Bullard in the Century Maga
zine.
Since the civil war no one has feared
armed invasion from any couhtry but
Japan. This meanace has been grossly
exaggerated, not always from laudable
motives. But there is no gain in the
ostrich policy of refusing to look at
what danger there is.
Tiie tiling which most sharply differen
tiates our relations with Japan from those
with Great Britain is that while we are
well acquainted with the English, the
Japanese, of all the great nations, are
the people we know least. The unknown
is always fearsome. The English, who*
have had the longest and closest contact
with the oriental races, do not dread
them. "The yellow peril" is a phrase at
tributed to the Kaiser, a man who has
never been east of Suez. And we, who are
wofully unacquainted with the Japanese,
are unduly disposed to credit every sin
ister rumor. /
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
The City Brantiful
“With the approach of spring the city
beautiful movement will be revived, and
the first thing done in that direction
should he a general cleaning up of al
leys and back yards.’' said an old citi
zen. "Of course, there can be no beauty
without cleanliness.
"Birmingham has always been kept as
clean as the average city, but since civic
pride has been aroused we must not
be satisfied with anything less than the
highest standard of sanitation, and along
with that attention must be given to
everything that contributes to the beau
tiful."
Will Ho Treated by Specialist
James Hillhouse left Wednesday night
for Rochester, Minn., where he will be
treated by a specialist at the Mayo hos
pital for an ailment which has been
troubling him for four years. He was
treated sometime ago in an eastern hos
pital, but his condition did not improve.
Mr. Hillhouse’s friends say that he has
been apparently in fairly good health,
and they feel hopeful that when he re
turns home he will be free from all suf
fering.
\\ imlnw Snlen
"There seems to be a springing up of
all sorts of window display sales of candy
and fruit,’’ said the head of a family.
"I have been a patron, in a limited
way, of each of them. The idea of ap
ples and oragnes at 1 cent a piece aroused
my curiosity at first, to see if there was
any frost-bitten fruit offered, but I found
it sound and sweet.
"As to the candy, it is much better
than some of the pasty, overloaded-with
starch stuff that has been at times la
beled ‘home-made,’ and sold on the
streets.
"Sound fruit and pure sugar candles
are wholesome and healthy for children
and for grown-ups.
"Talking with a candy manufacturer a
few days ago, r was surprised to find that
sugar at 4*4 cents is a cheaper and more
satisfactory ingredient for candy than
glucose at 3 cents, or less. Glucose is
sweeter, but owing to rapid evaporation
does not keep candy as fresh and sweet
as that made with sugar.”
First Avenue A induct
“The nearing of the completion of sec
tions of the First aveni| viaduct gives
an impressive idea of modern structural
work, with steel and concrete,” said a
citizen of Woodlawn.
“This viaduct promises much relief to
the citizens bf my section of Birming
ham. which includes Avondale and Wood
lawn and Roebuck Springs dwellers, from
vexatious delays, and dangers at rail
road crossings, and the dust of the Sloss
furnaces in the summer time especially.
“I am glad that Commissioner Weath
erly, who has charge of that part of
the city’s affairs, has called for the pav
ing of First avenue, from the eastern
terminus of the viaduct to Spring street.
Avondale.”
Regular Army Munt He Strengt Uened
“I was not expecting the present Con
gress to do anything in the way of
strengthening the United States army,
but I should be disappointed if the Sixty
fourth Congress does not see the need
of preparedness and adopt measures ac
cordingly,” said a national guardsman
who is known to be a close student of mil
itary affairs.
“If we had positive assurance that this
country would never have war forced upon
it by a great foreign power we would get
along with our present small army—now
less than 90,000 with a considerable part
of it stationed in our insular possessions.
Secretary of State Bryan recently spoke
lightly of the need for increasing our reg
ular established army. He said that if
an enemy threatened to invade the United
States we could assemble a volunteer force
of 1,000,000 men between sunrise and sun
set, or words to that effect. Such re
marks, of course, wrere absurd. We have
7,000,000 or 8.000,000 men—probably 9,000,000—
liable for military dirty, but untrained
militiamen are of no use. It takes at least
six months to make soldiers of raw re
cruits.
“If the European war continues long
Great Britain will have a large army in
the field. No one understands better than
Lord Kitchener the futility of attempting
to oppose a military power with undrilled
men. I understand that he is having hun
dreds of thousands of British volunteers
drilled now with the intention of march
ing them to the front sometime during
the coming summer. If this country had
a standing army of 200,000 or 250,000 men,
with our 100,000 guardsmen and unorgan
ized militia coming on later, wre might
do well in fighting back a foreign foe.
As it is now our national defense is very
weak.”
V
The Iron Market
Rogers, Brown & Co.’s Cincinnati re
port for the -current week is in part as
follows:
“Conditions continue to show improve
ment and while the local iron market is
quiet, there is rfo lack of indication that
responses made to general conditions else
where will be forthcoming. There has
been some fair inquiries and one or two
good-sized purchases, but nothing of a
broader awakening. The w e1. has pro
duced some excellent business in New
York and Philadelphia territories, heavy
purchases of southern iron are reported
as being made by pipe works and others
using the lower grades, of which there
i has been a surplus on some furnace yards.
Iron is moving steadily and in large vol
ume from furnace stocks.
"The advance in some steel shapes in
dicates confidence, and higher prices in!
other lines are but further evidence of
what has teen hoped for and may be
imminent.
“January saw an in-crease in the pro
duction of pig iron and activity in both
steel making and merchant furnace oper
ation. However, the January production
is, with the exception of last November
and December, the lowest production on
record since November of 1908.”
GOT ELECTED, MAYBE
From the Augusta Chronicle.
A negro preacher in Kentucky was
fined $150 for selling his rote.—Birmingham
Age-Herald
Will not the good Birmingham Age
Herald also say to us Just what hap
pened to the man, or the men, who bought
the vote?
SUFFERING AT HOME
From the Houston Post.
With her legislature in session, Ala
bama wonders how it is that so many
people in Belgium complain of the horrors
of war.
HIS EXPLANATION
From the Chicago Tribune. %
“Your voice,” said the commanding of
ficer, “is decidedly rasping.”
“Yes, sir,” said the subordinate, touch
ing his hat. “I have been out roughing
it with a file of soldiers all morning."
New York World: To one performance
of the Kaiser's representatives in this
country every American has a right to
protest vehemently. They announce "neu
trality and peace meetings.” and with
the aid of their alien societies pack them
with German sympathizers. Speakers en
gaged in the belief that they are to ad
dress neutral and peace-loving audiences
find themselves torpedoed or Zeppelined
before they have talked two minutes. In
stead of neutrality, peace and free speech,
they encounter riot and lynch law. New
York has had this experience. Chicago
had it on Sunday.
These assemblages are engineered by
Germans, domestlcapr foreign, who are
making war upon the President and Sec
retary of State. Orators who do not hes
itate at sedition are heard gladly. Those
still loyal to the United States who have
been tricked and trapped into these con
claves of militarism are shouted down by
the ambushed claque, and another tri
umph of “kultur” is proclaimed.
Neutrality as defined by these profes
sionals means donning the Emperor’s
coat. Peace as they understand it is
an attack upon the President and the gov
ernment of the United States.
New York iferald: It becomes increas
ingly evident that ever since the drive
on Paris was checked the Germans have
felt that the problem of supplies would
be art extremely important factor in the
war. At once Instructions were formu
lated for the conservation of food. Each
month since has seen the issuance of
further orders with regard to food sup
plies.
It is probable that other supplies, not
ably copper and the petroleum products,
are more sadly needed than food just at
the present time. There seems little
doubt, however, that the pinch of hunger
is not far ahead for many of the Ger
man people unless English control of the
sea can be broken.
The extending of their cereal products
by potato flour and the elimination of
every possible item of waste in food were
followed by the government decree taking
over all the foodstuffs in the country for
public use. It goes without the saying
that no such drastic measure w'ould be
taken were it not very clearly seen that
the issue of the war will turn on Ger
many's ability to feed her population and
■her army.
FOOTSTEPS AXI) CHARACTER
From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
By their walk you shall know them.
Here is a professor who has invented a
machine for recording the human gait.
“A person can be identified by his man
ner of walking as easily as by finger
prints," contends the professor. “Watch
the man who drags his feet along the
ground as if every step were an effort.
If he has any of this world’s goods It is
because it, has been thrust upon him. He
is the kind of man who would be in the
first lifeboat that put out from a sinking
ship. The man with the dragging gait
is the .man without a heart.
“The woman who has difficulty in lift
ing her heels from the ground when she
walks is a whiner. She believes the best
she ever gets is the worst of it, and she
will go into the minutest detail about
trlvialties. The woman with a dragging
gait Is the woman without spine.
“Watch the man who hurries along as
if he wrere anxious to part company with
the pavement. His steps are quick and
snappy. The man with the snappy step
has plenty of- pep. When you see a
woman planting her feet firmly on the
ground and walking with a free swing
you may be sure she is wholesome, to be
depended upon, capable. She will be your
friend, your pal, your sweetheart on rainy
days, just as much as or more than w'hen
the sun shines.’’
And a lot of wives whose husbands are
given to hitting both sides of the -street
and the middle coming home will find the
gait machine a handy little household ob
ject.
SHIPS MUST CARRY OH,
From the Boston Globe.
For many years sailors have known
that oil would smooth the sea and oc
casionally It has been used for that pur
pose In cases of emergency.
Now, under a new regulation promul
gated by the department of commerce,
the coastwise and ocean-going vessels,
over 200 tons and propelled by machinery,
are required to carry a supply.
On voyages, wiien necessary, the oil is
allowed to drip into the water through
pipes in order to prevent waves and spray
from dashing over the decks.
The application of it is especially effec
tive during storms if vessels are riding
at anchor.
Utilization of oil, you remember, result
ed in the rescue of 521 persons from the
burning Uranium liner Volturno. Cap
tain Barr of the steamer Carmania
reached the scene of the disaster early,
but found himself unable to render as
sistance on account of the mountainous
seas. He sent out a wireless call for a
tanker and back from Captain Harwood
of the Narragansett flashed the welcome
words:
“I will be up with the milk in the
morning.” 4
After the arrival of the oil carrier 10
great steamers swung into line about
the doomed Volturno and lifeboats were
soon flitting between the vessel in flames
and the rescue ships over an oil-covered
and comparatively smooth ocean.
RELATED BY HIS FEET
From the New York Times.
While Miss Katherine B. Davis, com
missioner of corrections, was lecturing
between the acts at Keith’s Bronx thea
tre, where “suffrage right” was being ob
served last evening, Charles Dougherty,
20 years old, of 470 East 160th street, ac
cjmpanied by Edward Schlechter, 17 years
old, of 1012 Simpson street, entered the
theatre and presented their seat tickets,
to Roy Hart, head usher, who lives at
1012 Simpson street. Dougherty wore a
fine new pair of tan shoes. The shoes
attracted the attention of Hart.
Early in the afternoon the Hart apart
ment had been robbed, and Hart recog
nized the shoes as those that had been
stolen from his father. Hart quietly con
ducted Patrolman Schull of the Morisanla
station, down to the seats occupied by
the unsuspecting youths, where the po
liceman arrested them.
At the station Hart identified the shoes
or. Doughterty’s feet as the wearing ap
parel of his father. When Schletchter wa3
starched the police found a penknife on
him which w§ls identified by Hart as his
father’s property. Dougherty and
Schlechter were held upon a charge of
having stolen goods in their possession.
SOME OLD
From the Louisville Herald.
“T hear an automobile was built in 25
minutes at a factory test. Wonder if
that is true?”
“Yes. it is true. And went out of style
in exactly 18 minutes more.”
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
HEARTLESS.
Some men are held
Jn heartless thrall
When women's tears
Begin to fall.
While some there are
Deep viIlians they.
Who coldly smile
And walk away.
NO SCIENCE.
“Isn’t it dreadful to Bee the way those
boys are fighting?’’ exclaimed the agi
tated old lady.
“ ’Tis so, madam,” answered the man
with sporting Instincts, who was an in
terested observer of the combat. “Neith
er one of them seems„to know the value
of an upper cut."
JUST THE MAN.
“He goes about all the time with his
head in the clouds.”
“He could get a job in England now.”
“What doing?”
“Looking out for Zeppelins.”
AN UNDERGROUND CLUB.
“A letter from the front? How inter
esting! What does the writer say about
the war?”
“Nothing in particular about the war.
He merely informs me that he and his
comrades are figuring on Installing a
billiard table in their trench.”
ASKING TOO*MUCH.
“The Jobsons seem to think their baby
the most remarkable infant in the
world,” said the irascible old gentle
man.
“Well, you shouldn’t blame them for
that. It's only natural.”
“Maybe so, but what particularly irri
tates me is the fact that they expect
me to neglect my business and waste
my valuable time just to study its good
points.”
BOTH SUFFER.
The man who pawns his overcoat
Ere wintry winds have ceased to blow
Methinks !s In the self same boat
With him whose coal supply is low.
HAD SOME LUCK.
Job bad his troubles, yes indeed: J
That’s what he was created for. i
But still he never had to read
All day about the foreign war.
—Milwaukee News
Job found existence rather tough*
And led a somewhat painful life.
But he escaped the endless stuff
About the curren baseball strife. i
^-Louisville Courier-Journal 1
Job suffered many earthly ills
And never did his temper lose;
No “solons” then w'ere passing bills (
’Gainst everything, including “booze.”
--Birmingham Age-Herald.
Job did have troubles, one or two,
And had more troubles than was right*
But he had no problem to do
Till after bedtime every night.
. —Houston Post
TO NO PURPOSE.
“Pa, what is meant by a filibuster?”
“In the recent deadlock on the ship
purchase bill, my son, it hieant a great
deal of w-asted talk, with extra accent
on the. ’bust.”
"THERE’S A REASON.
“I’m surprised to hear that man r©
joicing over the return of prohibition.
He’s in the liquor business.”
“Softly, softly. He made a great deal
of money running a ‘tiger’ and lost it
trying to run a saloon.”
IN KANSAS. f
A bill has been introduced in the lowei
house of the Kansas legislature making
it a misdemeanor for a woman under
45 years of age to wear earrings or it-e
cosmetics "for the purpose of creating
a false impression." by which is meant
evidently a “false impression” as to her
youthfulness. Women over 45, we pre
sume, are expected to know better, al
though there is nothing in their appear
ance these days to indicate that they
do. This bill was framed in Kansas.
It is quite foolish enough to have had
an Alabama “solon” for its sponsor.
PAUL COOK.
FIGHTS ALONG THE MEUSE
From an article copied by the National
Geographic Society.
□BOVE every other valley, that of
the Meuse has become a battle
field. At Liege on the Meuse,
the first great battle of the war broke
forth, and the struggle blazed and sear
ed all along the picturesque splendor of
this wild, rugged banked stream, direct
ly southward through Belgium into
France. According to the day by day
dispatches, some of the most fierce fight
ing and efforts are atill raging on 1 ta
banks. Liege, Namur, Diuant, Givet,
Sedan, Stenay, Verdun and St. ~iibfel
each name recently became familiar to
Americans—all lie along Us course.
Three counties share the Meuse. It
rises in France, flows northward through
Belgium, crosses the Dutch fronties,
sweeps westward through Holland and
empties into the North Sea. Its journey
to the sea is one of 580 miles, of which
460 are navigable. Its source *s in the
south of the French Department Haute
Marne near the Monte Faucilles whence
it crosses the Department Vosges, Meuse,
Ardennes, into Belgium near Sedan,
northward into Holland near Maastrich,
and thence westward to the sea. It bears
several names along Its couree—Meuse,
Maes, Maas, Merwede.
The Valley of the Meuse for ages has
been a channel for tlie ebb and flow of j
armies. It might be said to drain one j
vast historic battle fields Caesar pi is
sued its path into unknown, barbaric!
North. The wild Teutonic tribes pressed
down between its banks toward the
wealth of Rome. Christian Europe has
been settling its differences along the
valley of the Meuse by force of arms
down to the present day.
Tn the forest of Ardennes, the Meuse
flows through a country rich in ro
mances of Charlemangs. Vinelands
and hop gardens lie further along its
banks, and then it washes great indus
trial cities, gathering to itself the ashes,
rust and acids of factory and furnace
waste. Finally, it drifts through the flat
lands of Holland, supplying the numer
ous canals which lazily divide the plains.
Here and there, as between Namur and
Riege, it cuts a narrow passage between
wobded hills and cliffs, their difficult
sides dotted with pretty villas. Just be
fore v.aching the sea. the Meuse. here
the Maas, divides, one branch flowing
west and the other mingling with i'll®
Rhine to empty past Rotterdam at the
Hook of Holland.
7n the beginning of its course the val
ley of the Meuse is a wide meadowland.
It then breaks into a gorge, fringed with
broken, tangled banks. There is a
wealth of scenic beauty along its way.
Chateaux, castles, cottages, and farm
steads sprinkle the valley, though far
more thickly than these evidences of the
living are clustered the place names res
cued from forgetfulness by Icgenls and
historic records. The camp of the Adua
tyici described by Caesar is marked by
a citadel on a hill between this river
and the Sanibre. its largest tributary.
At Dinant, Phillip the »-rOod, Duke of
Burgundy, is said to have caused eight
hundred people to be drowned In its
waters. But the river has long since
forgotten the good duke's sprightly
slaughter in a present time more stir
ring, more titanic and far more costly
in human life.
THE “SILENCER” IMPRACTICAL
From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
A‘MA?IM silencer” was used by a
criminal as an attachment to a
pocket pistol in a popular play a
season or two ago. A few days ago a
New York business man who had lost his
fortune in real estate speculation used
a silencer to muffle the reports of a .44
caliber rifle with which he killed his
wife and two daughters and himself.
There followed a great deal of discussion
about the possibilities of the silencer as
an aid to crime. Stringent laws, it was
urged, should be enacted to prevent the
sale of silencers.
It seems that the device 1b so simple
that any skilled mechanic could make it,
and a murderer will noj be scrupulous
about infringing upon a patent right. A
new law is always, to some minds, the
obvious and urgently needed remedy for
any condition. But. no law has ever kept
weapons out of the pockets of the crim
inal class, and none will ever do so. Piling
on more statutes whenever a new method
of committing murder suggests itself is
a waste of time and money.
It is not at all probable that criminals
will adopt silencers. It is asserted that
they cannot be used on pistols. Stage fic
tion misrepresents the facts. If it is true
that the rifle bullet at long distances
loses both velocity and “direction as a
result of the silencer being used it is un
likely that assassins in sparsely settled
sections will adopt a muffler at the ex
pense of the accuracy of their weapon*4
and rifles are not used by city crim
inals. «
The dagger and sundry blunt instru
ments are weapons of as great precision
as firearms, and silent. There Is no
probability jthat murderers are much
excited about the silencer as some of
the New Yorkers who demand an anti
silencer law reveal themselves as being.
If, or when, a silencer for pocket fire
arms, is perfected, it is probable that
criminals who carry pistols for use as
a last resort—such as burglars, who wish
to avoid shooting—will make use of them.
So long as the silencer Is practical upon
rifles only it is not probable that it will
stimulate man-killing, unless investiga
tion proves that it does not materially af
fect the accuracy of shooting at long
range.
That the report of his small caliber
rifle will reveal him and result in hi*
capture and conviction is not a large fac
tor in the calculation of the man-killer of
the Appalachian region. The invention
of a silencer of alibi witnesses would de
feat his plans more surely than a de
vice to silence the report of his rifle
would advance them.
••••••••••••••••••••••••*•••••••••••
POISONING THE OLD POLKS
From the New York World.
It would be charitable to assume that
the former porter of the German Odd Fel
lows’ home at Yonkers who says that he
helped poison eight old and decrepit in
mates of the institution Is "crazy.’’
On its face the confession of the man
Mors is too shocking to appear cred
ible ■ to the average person. The ordi
nary man and women woh leads a hum
drum existence cannot conceive that such
deeds are humanly possible, and would
reject them as utterly false to life if
described In the pages of fiction. It is
the privilege of every such reader to
live in a pleasant world of his own crea
tion where abnormal human beings who
torture and kill and offend every law
of humanity are too vile for actual exis
tence.
The police records, however, are full of
instances of human conduct that no nov
elist, however unrestrained Ills taste for
horrors, would dare employ. But the
police records deal with the unusual, not
the unreal, and they illustrate the worst
’ that could be imagined, not the Imagt
narv. If they should eventually show
that five old men and three old>women
were put out of the way at the Yonkers
asylum, no one would think of disput
ing their accuracy, and the incident would
soon be dismissed to make room for tales
of slaughter on European battlefields 1000
times more incomprehensible and repul
sive.
AROUND THE HEARTH
From John Greenleaf Whittier’s ' Snow
bound.’’
Shut in f.om all th# world without.
We siU the clean winged hearth about.
Content to let the north wind roar
In baffled rage at pane and door.
While the red logs before us beat
The frost line back with tropic heat;
And ever, when a louder blast
Shook beam and rafter as it passed,
The merrier up its roaring draught
The great throat of the chimney laughed*
The house dog on his paws outspread,
Laid to the Are his drowsy head,
The cat’s dark silhouette on the wall.
A couchant tiger’s seemed to fall;
And, for the winter fireside meet.
Between the andirons’ straddling feet,
A mug of cider simmering slow.
The apples sputtered in a row,
And close at hand, the basket stood
With nuts from brown October’s tried.