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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, February 16, 1915, Image 4

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THE AGE-HERALD
K. \V. BARRETT. ...Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1879.
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald.... $6.00
Daily and Sunduy, per month.70
Daily and Sunday, three months., 2.00
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum... .50
Sunday Age-Herald. 2.00
A. J. Eaton, Jr., and O. E. Young are
the only authorized traveling repre
sentatives of The Age-Herald in its cir
culation department.
No communication will be published
without its author s name. Rejectsd
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
Remittances can bo made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible for money sent
through the malls. Address,
THE AGE-HERALD.
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs buiid
mg.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office, Rooms 48 to
50, inclusive. Tribune building, New
York city; western business office,
Tribune building, Chicago. The d. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private ezcnnnge connecting all
departments) Main 4000.
Men nt sometime are mnsters of their
fRieH( —Julius t'aesnr.
r
In Pressing Need
In every city in this country wage
workers out of employment this win
ter have exceeded in number those of
any previous winter, and hence the
greater volume of destitution. Bir
mingham has had, perhaps, a smaller
percentage of idle men than many
other industrial centers; yet the num
ber depending for food, clothing and
shelter upon charity has been very
large.
How best td provide for the desti
tute has been a difficult problem, but
up to this time the needy poor have
been reasonably well cared for by
one or the other of the charity organ
izations. The largest work has been
done by the Associated Charities with
its various departments of service.
The official reports of this organiza
tion have been published from time to
time and have shown high records,
both in relief work and in economy of
administration.
The income of the Associated Chari
ties through voluntary contibutions
has been large enough to have given
ample relief to the destitute in ordi
nary times, but in view of the exces
sive number of poor people out of em
ployment the revenues have not been
sufficient to meet the demand. As a
result the Associated Charities is con
siderably in debt, and although the
business situation is improving stead
ily and the namber of men out of em
ployment will soon decrease several
thousand dollars will be needed to re
imburse the offices and to carry on
the relief work during the spring.
So desperate has become the finan
cial condition of the Associated Chari
ties that an energetic canvass for
funds will be made tomorrow. As one
hundred prominent business men have
agreed to serve on the canvassing
committee, it is hoped that enough
money will be raised before the day is
ended to continue the good work of
this institution.
The Panama Railroad
Writing for Leslie’s Weekly, W. E.
Aughinbaugh points out that the
freight rate on the Panama railroad
^ is 3.48 cents per ton-mile, while the
freight rate in the United States is
.7268 of a cent for all the railways of
this country. The Panama rate is, he
declares, nearly five times as great
as that made by private enterprises
in the United States. “If the Panama
rate were established in the United
States,” says this writer, “it would
wreck the country, for there is not
enough money in it to pay such enor
mous amounts.” And the high tariff
on the Panama railway is, as he points
out, not due to any extra expense in
operation, the isthmian line, with the
exception of the cost of coal, pre
senting no great difficulties that arc
not common to all railroads in the
United States.
This view is one that would be taker
by the corporations which operate the
railroads of the country. The Panams
canal is a bete noir to transconti
nental railway companies and natural
ly they can see little good in the ca
nal and none whatever in the govern
ment owned Panama railroad. Withoul
impugning the writer’s motives in the
least, his article is not a very cogenl
argument against government owner
ship of railroads. As a matter of fact
government ownership of public utili
ties is not democratic and will proba
bly never be attempted in this coun
try on an extensive scale, but the
Panama railroad is exceptional. It ii
by no means typical of the railroads
that “Uncle Sam” might conceivably
operate in this country.
The fact that the freight rates on
the Panama railroad are so high that
they have already turned the bulk of
the coast to coast traffic to the canal,
would seem to indicate that there is
no intention to make the line a com
petitive factor in transportation across
the isthmus. If it suited the purposes
of the government to do so it could
doubtless put in force a tariff that
would be cheaper than any in this
country.
However, ns government owner
ship of railroads is at best a remote
possibility, there is no need to be
come alarmed over the fact that Uncle
Sam chooses to charge 3.48 cents per
ton-mile on his Panama railroad, even
if hd does lose business by it.
Bright Outlook in Business World
The business depression in this
country last fall, as a result of the
European war, was very acute, and
but for the energetic and constructive
action of the large banking interests
and the inauguration of the federal
reserve system conditions would have
been more distressing than they were.
Now that the worst is behind us, mer
chants, manufacturers and business
leaders generally are looking forward
with confidence to an early return of
genuine prosperity.
Since January 1 there has been a
very decided improvement in the busi
ness situation, and while in some cen
ters recovery has been slow it has been
steady and substantial. There is good
promise now that the first quarter
of the year will end with increasing
activity in all lines of trade.
The high prices which the western
farmers have received for their grain
and live stock and the enormous trade
balance in favor of the United States
account in great measure for the wide
spread improvement. One of the best
business barometers is the iron and
steel trade. There is a healthy inquiry
for various steel products, and al
though prices are not yet satisfactory
to the steel makers there has been
considerable buying in the last three
or four weeks, and the prospects for
larger business are bright.
Another good barometer is the vol
ume of railroad traffic. While most
of the roads are much below normal
in their warnings there is a gradual
increase in both freight and passen
ger business. Still .another barometer
is found in the hotel business. In all
parts of the country—in the small
cities as well as the large—the hotels
have experienced extreme dullness.
But their business is increasing and
many of the best hostelries are filling
up rapidly.
With bumper food crops again this
year prosperity will be abounding
when harvest time comes. The south
will enjoy its full share of thrift. The
crop diversification movement has
taken firm hold in the cotton states,
and this new departure will be worth
billions of dollars to the south. On
the whole the year 1915 will be a very
good year unless all signs fail. Next
year will probably witness the great
est boom in the history of America.
Now and Sixteen Years Ago
This is carnival time in the south.
Shrovetide began Sunday and in Mo
bile and New Orleans, where the car
nival spirit especially prevails, the
weather has been balmy and spring
like. Here in Birmingham yesterday
brought us ideal temperature for
Shrovetide.
Today will be Mardi Gras, or
Shrove Tuesday, and the weather man
forecasts fair weather for Jones
valley. We usually have mild weather
conditions in February, but sixteen
years ago Mardi Gras was accom
panied by a blizzard. New Orleans
and Mobile were frozen tight. In the
Crescent City the streets were like
sheets of glass. It was the 14th of
February—Mardi Gras of 1899.
In Birmingham there was splendid
sleighing. On Sunday, the 12th of
February, the temperature here, ac
cording to the official records in the
local weather bureau, was five degrees
above zero and on Monday'following,
February 13, it fell to ten degrees
below. That was the coldest snap
that Jefferson county had ever known;
so said the oldest inhabitant. And
there lias been no such record since.
On Tuesday, Mardi Gras, 1899, the
mercury in Birmingham at its lowest
was three degrees above zero. It will
be a lung time perhaps before we
have another carnival time such as
that. All but the plumber will hope
so at least.
The heartfelt sympathy extended t(
I Alabama In her present affliction by Col
, Bailey of the Houston Post is much ap
L predated. Without ever having experl
enced the horrors af a “drouth,” so fai
as we know. Col. Bailey's active lmag
lnatlon never falls him In picturing tin
misery caused by prohibition.
In Mr. Taft's lecture on "The Office o
President." he probably confines hlmsel
to those features of the president
' which makes It desirable and ignore
' those which made his own stay In th
, White House far from pleasant.
The Boston Advertiser is In favor o
' Intermarriage between whites and blackr
' On account of Its geographical location
1 the Advertiser can take a stand like tha
i without losing nine-tenths of its cwcu
I lation.
There is a strip of land in the Trans
vaal six miles wide and GO miles long:,
that produces one-third of the world's
annual supply of gold. There are 63
mines in this district, three of which,
the Crown, the East Rand Proprietary
and the Randfontein Central, furnished
gold in 1912 valued at $44,403,750. This
was about one-tenth of ail the gold
mined in the world during that year. In
1912 282 tube mills and 10.000 stamps were
operated. There are employed in the
mines 24,334 whites and 206,488 natives. In
the Rand district a billion dollars’ worth
of gold have been taken out of the
ground during the past quarter of a
century. Mines are worked here to a
depth of 4000 feet. It is predicted that
the levels will be extended to five or
even six thousand feet, as the result of
the use of electricity. Many obstacles
in deep gold mining have been overcome
by electric power. It is said that tho
Introduction of electricity has lessened
tuberculosis among miners and has made,
their work safer, while reducing the cost
of power 40 per cent.
Ambassador Gerard and the Kaiser will
not let the activity of German-Americans
in this country or the hysteria of a few
Oiowspapers in Germany prevent them
from reaching an amicable understand
ing.
The American flag looked so well when
flown by the Lusitania that many patri
otic Americans would like to see a fleet
of vessels like the Lusitania flying tho
"Stars and Stripes."
Two hundred women were Indicted in
Pike county, Kentucky, for selling their
votes. Yet, men have been contending
all the time that women don't under
stand politics.
From the way England and Germany
continue to glower at each other and
ignore France, you would think that
France was merely an innocent by
stander.
Now that Sarah Bernhardt has had an
operation performed on her famous knee,
it is hoped that she will feel equal to
at least 10 more “farewell" tours.
A committee of 14 formed to drive or
ganized vice out of New York says that
their work is almost ended. Alas, a
reformer's work is never done.
A German socialist says the German
people are against the war, but at the
present stage of the game he would
have a hard time proving It.
John Bull is beginning to realize more
! and more that he has a job cut out
j for him in the matter of telling Germany
where she must get off.
The Chinese republic has pardoned Dr.
Sun Yat Sen, although it wasn't really
necessary, as Dr. Sen still retained his
self-respect.
The high cost of war is troubling Hol
land and Switzerland. The Swiss hotel
keeper must be at his wits' end by this
time.
The present European war seems to be
sadly deficient in heroic boy drummers.
ALABAMA PRESS
Talladega Home: The 6-cent loaf hits
the poor man right between the eyes.—
Age-Herald. And misses him a mile Just
beneath the nose.
Tuskegee News: The office seekers are
feeling very squally over the fact that
Governor Henderson is giving his time
to saving Alabama from further finan
cial trouble, rather than to Inquiring as
to what manner of men the office seekers
are.
Montgomery Times: The Age-Herald
has all sorts of opinions of our legisla
ture. The members have been termed by
that paper mules, wild asses, colts, and
now they are plain jackasses. The first
thing The A.-H. knows It will find itself
suppressed for contempt of court.
Linden Democrat-Reporter: Some of the
whisky papers of the state died such a
hard death that their groans were heard
all over the nation. They look upon the
recent prohibition measures as noncon
structive and ridiculous. Some of them
have suggested that a law be now made
to have all the cherry trees in Alabama
cut down to keep the Jaybirds from get
ting drunk. Robin Red Breast should also
be eared for and the china trees should
feel the weight of the axe for the winter
visitors' protection.
Albertville Banner: In a cartoon en
titled "Our Valentine,” appearing In last
Friday's Age-Herald, State Senator John
A. Lusk Is pictured as a regular sea
pirate dancing with two of his colleagues,
Brown and Bulger, aboard ‘the good
Ship Piffel." Some of the newspaper boys
around the capltol say that Senator Lusk
laughed heartily when shown the car
toon.
A LITTLE WAR 8TORV
Ruth Kauffman in Leslie's.
The Beglan families had been scat
tered and separated with more ruth
lessness than was that little Arcady ii
Canada, made famous to every Amert
can schoolboy and girl in America, bj
Longfellow—that place whence men am
women and children were torn from om
another's very arms and packed int<
ships, and sent to the various ports o
our 13 colonies. Someone again had i
brilliant idea. Ten Boy Scouts were re
quested from London.
Two of these were stationed at tin
door of each hostel in which Belgiai
refugees were sheltered. They we,
given no instructions exoept that the:
must keep Intruders away. They wer
strangers to the town, and their tasl
was not light, for not only was it thel
duty to fulfill the comamnd and see tha
the Belgians were left undisturbed, bu
i they were under vow to their order t
act always with intelligence and polite
ness.
’ The trouble ceased. A few days late:
t one of the leaders of the community wa
r curloua enough to ask one of the tw
! stolid guardians of one of the hosteli
how he managed things so well.
' He touched his cap.
"If they're no^^he people that com
, to work," he answered, "I ask them th
name of the person thsy want to set
If they can't tell me. and say anyon
' will do, 1 don't let them in; if they nanrt
1 some one that Is out. I tell them whe
■ he'll be back; tilt if they say somebod
.. else will do, I don't 1st them In."
\
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
RuMoeim In Chicago
“There is general improvement in the.
business situation in Chicago," said L
T. Hampton of the lake metropolis.
“Chicago has not suffered as much
as New York suffered last fall on ac
count of the depression, but business
was anything but encouraging. It is
quite different now. There has been a
big improvement in Chicago within the
past two weeks and everybody tnere is
optimistic.”
Experience of Credit Man
“I had a rather peculiar experience
cn a collecting trip a few days ago,"
said a credit man. "I was sent out to
collect a portion of a near $300 claim
and get a note for the balance. I made
a demand upon the debtor who doubt
fully suggested he probably had a*
bale of cotton over at the gin that
he could let me have, but was not
sure. I told him that if he did not
pay me something on account 1 would
be forced to bring suit against him.
“He left the small store to see about
the bale of cotton. Immediately his
wife appeared upon the scene and pro
ceeded to give me a piece of her mind.
She indignantly declared that ^ho had
money enough in the rear room to pay
every cent they owed anybody. I bowed
my most gracious bow and congrat
ulated her. When the husband return*?*
I told him I had changed my ideas and
that, as his wife had declared they
had the money, I must insist up'-n pay
ment of the whole amount. I got the
money. When I left I heard echoes of
another tongue lashing but twas a
man talking to a woman this time."
Strawberry Growing
“Strawberry growing is a profit
able business when undertaken along
the right lines,” said C. F. Bell of Bir
mingham.
“A few years ago my firm decided
to begin the cultivation of strawber
ries for the Birmingham market. We
secured about 60 acres of land near
Bolin, about 160 miles south of this
city. The climate is very mild in that
locality and is especially well adapted
to the production of an early crop. The
soil on our tract has been well fertil
ized and a heavy crop is produced each
year. These berries are ready for pick- j
ing soon after the Florida crop is ex-i
hausted each season and when placed on '
the local market meet with a brisk
sale. ^
“Especial attention is given to the !
preparation of the fruit for the market
and extra precaution is taken for keep
ing it clean and wholesome. Each win
ter just before time for the vines to
sprout the land is covered with a layer;
of pine straw about an inch in depth
and when the fruit is produced it rests
on a clean surface free from dust.
When it becomes ripe there is no trou
I le at all in securing the berry free
from foreign substances of all kinds. '
“Very few truckers have adopted
this method of raising strawberries,
but it certainly' proves most effective
in sandy land. When the berry season j
is .at its height in south Alabama from '
two to three cars are shipped to Bir
mingham each week from our farm and
the quality, I believe, comes up to
the Cullman fruit, which is placed on
the Birmingham market a little
later on."
Advance In Crystal Glaaa
“The jobbing houses have sent out ad
vance notices of an increase of 26 to 60
per cent in crystal blanks, from which the
lenses of eyeglasses are made." said J.
H. Tinder, optician.
"This necessarily means an increase
price by opticians when the present sup
ply has been exhausted.
“Most of the crysffcl b!ockg./rom which
the blanks are cut for lenses have here
tofore been made in Germany and France.
The manufacture of this glass Is l>y an
exact Index of a mathematical propor
tion of ingredients.
“Here in the United States there is
being manufactured some crystals, but
not enough to supply the demand. The
European war has stimulated an increase
production and some factories are making
enlargements to take care of a major
portion of the demand. Ultimately this
country will manufacture enough for the
home demand.
“In lense grinding the United States
ranks the world, and all the mountings
used by opticians are made in this coun
try."
Prominent VlrglnlajiM Die
“It was remarked as a coincidence in
Richmond that three aged, wealthy and
prominent citizens died within a short
time of each—John P. Branch, bank
er; Alexander Cameron, retired tobac
conist, and John L,. Williams, senior
member of the banking house of John
L. Williams & Sons," said a member of
Birmingham's Virginia colony. “Mr.
Branch was in his eighty-fifth year,
lie was the richest man in the south,
perhaps; supposed to be worth about
eight or nine million dollars. He was
an active member of the Methodist
Episcopal church, south.
“Mr. Cameron was a native of Scot
land, but had been a resident of Rich
mond since his youth. He was a mem
ber of the Presbyterian church.
“Mr. Williams was, as The Age-Her
ald said, a ripe scholar and a devoui
member of the Episcopal church. Th;>
Richmond Times-Dispatch in an edi
torial tribute to this widely esteemed
and distinguished gentleman said;
“ 'It is rather out of fashion now
. adaye for a highly successful business
, man to be also a scholarly student oi
dead tongues and classic lore, but Mr,
, Williams was both. Profoundly relig
l ious, deeply and convincedly charitable
s in thought and action, a lover of the
t humanities and of humanity, he was oi
l> the best type of the old southern Btock
t There are few left to fill the place lu
occupied in the community’s affectior
and esteem.' ”
* The Cotton Situation
A prominent brokerage concern in Nev
8 York, in its weekly review just issued
r says in part:
e “The price movement during the weel
e was more or less circumscribed owini
r undoubtedly to the impending Jnaugura
* tlon of federal control of the cotton trade
f There is no reason, however, to be appre
& hensive over the tax provision of the law
• because the new contract has been care
fully drafted so as to meet all require
• ments of the act, and Is not taxable.
s “The question of interpretation of th«
® law is a serious one and has withou
U doubt restrained the trade from maklnj
free use of the advantages of the con
tract market. The phase of the questioi
o .which seems to be causing more uncer
e tainty than anything else is how the gov
5. ernment will supervise deliveries of cot
e ton. No provision has been made fo
a classification by federal officers befor
n tender and shippers are confronted wit!
y doubt regarding the acceptance and grad
ing of th<ir cotton. This is probably th
chief reason why certificated stocks in
New York are so small, and why hedge
selling has been on such a limited scale.
It la not expected, however, that this re
straining influence will be protracted, and
when the government’s policies become
clearly defined through practical appli
cation the trade will have little trouble
in adjusting itself to the new system.
One thing seems assured, however, and
that Is until hedge selling becomes heav-.
ler in volume the situation favors the
buyer rather than the seller.
"‘There Is no falling oft In the heavy ex
port -movement nor as far ns can be as
certained Is there any letting up in for
eign buying.”
WAR ECHOES
Martin Marshall in I^slie's; Italy's
deep interest in the freedom of the Suez
canal Is well understood. Relations be
tween Italy and Turkey are very strained
Indeed, and If the Turks should capture
the big ditch, Italy's communication
with her Red sea colonies of Abyssinia
and Kritrea would be interrupted, a sit
uation that the Qulrinal could not toler
ate. Therefore, the closer the Turks
approach the Suez canal, the more likely
Italy Is to enter the war on the side of
the allies. It Is reported that the ^Italian
government has mobilized all men be
tween the ages of 18 and 39. The Italian
army,, while perhaps considerably below
the standard of the French troops, is
certainly not to be despised. Italian
troops have shown their worth in the
colonial wars 111 northern Africa and in
the war with Turkey, and If the govern
ment had ample financial resources the
military value of Italy could not be ques
tioned. There is a shrewd suspicion,
however, that before Italy can enter the
war, it will be necessary for the allies
—which really means Great Britain in
this case—to find some ready money for
her. It Is interesting, in this connection,
to note that the Bank of England has
financed the Roumanian government to
the extent of $25,000,000.
Demetrius C. Boulger, In the March
Scribner; From the very beginning of
his reign King Albert had to deal with
difficult questions. The organization of
the new regime on the Congo, the set
tlement of the troublesome financial
questions between King Leopold's exec
utors and his heirs, and the uncertainty
In the political situation owing to the
bitter party feeling added to his cares;
but his chief preoccupation continued to
be the defense of his country In view of
the increasingly menacing international
outlook In Europe. With regard to the
Congo he took the deepest interest In the
reforms that laid become necessary, and,
to show his entire disinterestedness, hi
assigned the large annuity reserved to
King Leopold as compensation for his
sacrifices to some beneficent work in con
nection with Central Africa. One year's
annuity he made' the foundation of
periston fund for the Congolese service;
another he assigned for medical research
and every year he refused to touch a
penny of the money for any personal
use or purpose.
In all those tasks he was aided by his
wife, Queen Elizabeth, who devoted her
attention and efforts to aid and alleviate
the sufferings of tile sick and the poor.
Her practical experience under her fa
ther’s direction of the routine of a hos
pital made her an expert on the subject
of the treatment of the sick. She insti
tuted the collection on her name-day of
funds by the sale of an artificial rosette
for the hospitals, and for the poor she
tstablislied creches and coal and blanket
cluba on a large scale. She was the
first of the Belgian rulers to think of the
poor and suffering, and It is not surpris
ing that she became the idol of the
people as their bonne petite relne. But
her delicate health made every one of
her subjects fear that they might lose
their fairy godmother too soon, and none
would liave dreamed that she would have
the physical strength to play the part of
heroine as Bhe has done during the ter
rible scenes through which her poor coun
try lias passed. But with great minds
and brave hearts the spirit rises trium
phant over bodily infirmities, and Queen
Elizabeth has acquired an imperishable
place In the affections and gratitude of
the Belgian niition.
BIRMINGHAM AND TUSCALOOSA
From the Tuscaloosa News.
la Birmingham going to read the bene
fits of the open Warrior while Tusca
loosa calmly stands by and does noth
ing?
It Is realy beginning to look that way.
Thursday a barge load of Birmingham
pig Iron went jjown the Warrior. It was
shipped down the Louisville and Nuah
ville to llolt, and there loaded on the
barge. And theie la a probability that
Birmingham will continue to use Ihe
Warrior in this way until she builds a
short railroad line or canal to a much
nearer point, when the traffic will be
greatly Increased.
What has Tuscaloosa done to profit by
the open Warrior and the barge line'
Practically nothing. For a while a little
freight was shipped by the river and
unloaded" at the city waterworks planti
But such shipments have long been dis
continued. The transfer charges were toe
heavy, and after due notice from tin
Alabama and New Orleans Transporta
tion company, this service was dlsoon
tinued. Since that time, Tuscaloosa hai
seen the barges go by day after daj
without bringing any freight to the cltj
or carrying any away, except the coa
shipped from the mines up the river.
We have no objection to Birmingham'!
using the open Warrior. On the othei
hand, we want to see them gain any ad
vantage from It that it may. But in thi
meanwhile, it Is disappointing, to say thi
least, to see Tuscaloosa with its drean
of an open river at last realized taklnj
no active steps to reap the advantage!
that its situation gives It.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS
From the Chicago News.
A woman is never too good to be true.
Chronic complaining makes tough luci
all the tougher.
It takes a spinster to give motherly ad
vice to a young mother.
And sometimes a little learning save
' K man from Jury duty.
People will have a good opinion of yoi
■ If you agree with them.
To err is human—and the divine par
. is to keep from being found out.
Never tell a middle aged woman tha
■he reminds you of an old friend.
, Many a man hasn’t enough sense to he
come a successful wheelbarrow chaui
' feur. •
’ Some women who wear golden slipper
’ on earth may find it difficult to dim
i the golden stairs.
A bachelor Bays the simpllest kind c
simple addition is the adding of one an
. one to make one.
The woman who Bays she wouldn’t mai
ry the best man on earth usually wed
‘ one that is no good.
1 It is more satisfactory to go and tur
- something up than it is to sit down an
i wait for It to turn up of Its own accord.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
She never sings a ragtime song
And this the reason why:
She wants to prove to all the throng
Her thoughts are rather high
And much above the common plane
On which most people think,
If married she’d give hub’ a pain
And drive him soon to drink.
MISLEADING.
’’The English language has its limi
tations.”
"For instance?”
”A press agent invited me to attend a
full dress rehearsal of a classic dance.”
"Well?”
"He should have called it an undress
rehearsal.''
MEAN TO THE LAST.
’’A man who died the other day request
ed that a popular song be played on a
phonograph at his funeral.”
"That’s queer. He must have liked the
song extremely well.”
"No. It was a post-mortem piece of
spite work. His wife detests the song."
A TRUE OPTIMIST.
"A German bullet killed a British sol
dier who was noted for seeing the funny
side of life in the trenches.”
"Poor fellow! It’s a pity he was killed.
A chap like that could see the funny side
of life in a dentist’s chair.”
MUCH MORE NOTICEABLE.
'T've been wearing the same suit of
clothes for five years. That’s tough.”
"Of course it is, my friend, but I’m
worse off than you. I've had the same au
tomobile for five years.”
....
8YMPATHY FROM KANSAS. a
Hutchinson, Kan., February 12, 1916.
"Dear Sir:
"We read many things you write. But
i'ou, like Kansas, must be getting mighty
dry since your prohibition troubles. For
that reason I wrote the enclosed to help
you out. It surely will. Yours truly.
" C. H. SCOTT."
You may say what you please, but it
isn’t enough—
A quart of liquor a month.
It might satisfy some though it s hardly
a bluff—
A quart of liquor a month.
But in Ole Alabam there’s a rule in
effect
That a regular gent cannot stand up erect
If he drinks more than this much, declare
the elect—
A quart of liquor a month.
C. H. S.
A SURE SIGN.
"Those two women have been talking
about each other and quite recently, too."
"What makes oyu think so?”
"Look how effusively they kiss,"
QUITE DIFFERENT.
"See here! Did you say I was drunk
last night?"
"No. I said you were obfuscated."
"Oh, that’s all right, then."
IN RETROSPECT.
Still backward turns
His yearning gaze;
He says, “Those were
The happy days.”
And with more cause
Than other men.
His wife did keep
Some boarders then.
While he all day
With friends would mix
And air his views
On politics. PAUL COOK
UTOPIAN ALABAMA
From the -Macon Telegraph.
HE Alabama legislature is careening
hilariously along, setting new
marks each, day in its progress to
a stage where It will undoubtedly regu
late our fortunate sister state's residents
to the extent that dinner will be set
by law for 7 o'clock in the evening in
stead of noon; sugar will be prescribed
by special enactment for tomatoes and
vinegar and salt barred; union suit un
derwear will be legislated on to every
body, even on fat men; yellow geared
automobiles may be singled out as per
nicious and made contraband; in fact it
would not be surprising if they stipu
lated by law that a blond young man
must not court any damsel save one
with raven hair.
It is undoubtedly going to be fine to
live in Alabama. Everything Is going to
be regulated and decided and laid out
for all the people by their all-wise, kindly
legislature, a legislature that is tender
tut firm with Its children, that in its
Gl idings of the recalcitrants will remind,
the obstreperous one that the action is
all “for it’s own good.” it’s going to be
an ideal parent to the whole people of
Alabama.
Just think of the joy living in a state
where the legislature will decode by law
for you just what sort of a tie to wear
with a certain sort of collar; Just what
to get your wife for her birthday, granted
your salary is so much and you live In
such and such a section and come un
der various classifications that certainly
will be arranged for this matter, and
think how fine It will be when your
wife asks you what you'd like to have
foi supper to tell her to look up the law
cn the matter and see what the legis
lature has provided shall be the piece de
resistance for supper the third Thurs
day in the month. In short, all Alabam
ians’ worries and troubles are to be taken
oF their shoulders. Truly Alabama will
scon be a restful state. Nothing to do
there, but just live as it, is appointed
you shall live.
The latest step toward this Utopia is
a law forbidding newspapers from carry
ing advertising of any liquors, beers,
wines and such. There can be no objec
tion to this for doubtless the legislature
will be fair in the matter and deal out
its regulation with an even hand. Of
course, the supreme court must hold that
as the newspaper must not accept distil
lery or brewfery money for its merchant
able commodity, the butcher must turn
down the retail liquor man’s order for
meat; the department store must call his
wife on the ’phone and tell her that she
must not offer her husband’s money, nor
can they accept bis checks any more,
in exchange for their goods. The grocer
must stop delivering groceries to him
unless he is willing to give them away .
The church must see to it that none of
his money finds its^way into holy cof
fers. The doctor must put him on the „
charity list, for of course he must not I
accept the liquor man’s money for his U
merchantable commodity. The real es- ■
tate agent or the landlord must not sell I
or rent him property by that same ]]
token. it
Alabama reminds us at this time of H
the definition of it given by a rather witty I;|
drunk one evening. He put it in this Ijg
way: j
“Alabama is an Indian name. When in
the Indians came to that part of the coun- |
try, the chief grunted out 'Alabama!' J
which in Indian means: ‘I have found J
somethin'—but whatthehell is it?’ And
so they’ve called it ‘Alabama’ ever since.” [
MATE BROWN WAS PREMATURE j
From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. j
The suicide at Memphis of Lou Brown. |
steamboat mate, is attributed to his be
lief that the old flourishing days of the
river are over, never to returi*.
The depression that naturally might le
sult from such a belief can be appre
ciated. Doubtless Mate Brown loved the
broad, wrinkled face of the yellow stream.
Doubtless he shared the hope of all of
us that something will be done enabling
the river to come into Its own again.
Probably he listened attentively when folk
told about what Congress was planning
to do, gave credence to engineer talk on
the ease and comparatively small ex
pense of converting the river Into a
thronged highway of commerce and had
his own private views, as all old river
men have, about new types of boat that
will hardly use more coal a day than
a basebumer.
But the years slipped away. There w»s
nothing doing that looked to digging her
deep through the valley. Channels of
eight feet and other, feet were mentioned
less and less in the press. Hope deferred
brought profound dejection. Things might
even go from had to worse, until he had
to become a landlubber to make a living.
His attitude of discouragement can be
understood, but he was too precipitate.
The Panama canal, after whose comple
tion the Mississippi was to have Its due,
has hardly had the finishing touches put
on It yet. The war has brought new
problems that may cause a little delay.
But a time Is coming that Mate Brown
ought to have lived to see—a time which
1 will bring recognition of tills great nat
ural waterway’s value and its invita
tion to human enterprise. If there were
1 no Mississippi in the center of the valley,
* Congress would some day be granting
appropriations to build a canal along the
very route of its present channel.
SEX AND MEDICAL PRACTICE
From the New York World.
According to Dr. Hugh Cabot, a Boston
surgeon, women doctors are all right
In certain cases,” but they can never
: make as good doctorB as men, who ' nat
urally and by olrcumstanqes are apt to
' have the easier faculty as physicians."
Are sex qualifications necessary for
’ medical practice any more than for the
, practice of law, architecture or paint
ing? About all that can be said of the
[ general run of men doctors Is that they
ars “all right In certain cases," but that
1 limitation has so far not operated to dis
courage their choice of medicine as a
" profession.
Dr. Cabot Is further quoted In his ad
dress at the Massachusetts General hoe
» Pltal:
"It seekis to have been a mistake to be
f lleve that the woman medical student, no
1 matter how capable and earnest she was
In her medical studies, could afterward
* in all cases take the same position rela
a tlvoly In the medloal World that the man
n doctor would."
j Does not this criticism apply with equal
force to *o per cent of men doctor* ae
. V
against the exceptional few wiio demon
strate a real capacity for medical prac
tice? Men are not born to be good doc
tors any more than they are born to be
good lawyers, and If they are given the
benefit of the doubt, why should not wom
en medical students receive the same tol
erance? To rule women out as unquali
fied under an arbitrary sex distinction,
and before they have entered the profes
sion in sufficient numbers to demonstrate
either their fitness or their lack of it,
smacks of prejudice.
MEANS WELL
From the Memphis News-Scimitar.
The Age-Herald Is authority for the
statement that an Alabama senator waxed
eloquent over one of the Ten Command
ments and then misquoted it. The politi
cian means well, but he is not always
very strong on the scriptures.
SOLDIER, SOLDIER
By Rudyard Kipling. •
"Soldier, soldier, come frorfl the wars.
Why don’t you march with my true
love?"
We’re fresh from off the ship an’ 'e s
maybe give the slip.
An’ you'd best go look for a new love.’’
New love! Jrue” love!
Best go look for a new love:
The dead they cannot rise, an' you'd bet
ter dry your eyes.
An' you’d best go look for a new love.
"Soldier, soldier, come from the wars.
What did you see o’ my true love?" '
"X seed ’im serve the queeen In a suit o’
rifle green,
An’ you’d best go look for a new love.”
"Soldier, soldier, come from the wars.
XMd ye see no more o’ my true love?’’
"I seed ‘im runnln’ by when the shots
began to fly—
But you’d best go look for a new love.”
"Soldier, soldier, come from the wars.
Did aught take ’arm to my true love?"
"I couldn’t eec the fight, for the smoke
it lay so white—
An’ you’d beBt go look for a new love."
“Soldier, soldier, come from the wars,
I’ll up an’ ’tend to my true level"
" *E’s lying on the dead with a bullet
througli ’Is ’ead,
An’ you’d best go look for a new love.”
"Soldier,* soldier, come from the wars,
I’ll down an’ die with my true love!”
“The pit we dug’ll ’ide ’lm an’ the twenty
men beside ’lm—
An’ you’d best go look for a new love.”
"Soldier, soldier, come from the wars.
Do you bring no sign from my true
love?”
“I bring a look of ’air that ’e alius used
to wear,
An’ you’d best go look for a new love."
"Soldier, soldier, come from the wars,
O then I know It’s true I’ve loet my
true love!” . *
"An’ I tell you truth again—when you’re
loet the feel o’ pain
You’d beet take me for your true lov%”
True love! New love! -
Best take ’Im for a new love.
The dead they cannot rlee. an’ you’d bet
ter dry your eyes.
An’ you’d best take ’lm for your true
love, . . "S’. - f< Jt » ■ ' ,
«y

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