The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], March 13, 1915, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

Image provided by: University of Alabama Libraries, Tuscaloosa, AL

                
THE AGE-HERALD
E. \V. BAKHETT.Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1879.
Dally and Sunday Age-Herald.... $8.00
Daily and Sunday, per month.70
Daily and Sunday, three months.. 2.00
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum.. .GO
Sunday Age-Herald. 2 00
A, J. Eaton, Jr., and O. E. Young are
the only authorized traveling repre
sentatives of The Age-Herald in its cir
culation department.
No communication will be published
without its author’s name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible for money sent
through the mails. Address,
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street.
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office, Rooms 48 to
60, inclusive, Tribune building. New
York city; western business office,
Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exchange connecting all
departments) Main 4000.
Nor or those empty-hearted whose
low sound reverbs no hollowness.
—Lear.
BEGINNING THE HAY—O God,
help me to believe 111 and try to
■waken the bidden hero In every
coward, the unseen atrlver In every
sluggard, the burled beauty In ev
ery ugliness. Give me n fond faith
in the ultimate victory of God in
His efforts with men. In Christ’s
name. Amen.—H. M. E.
Economic Advantage of War
Theodore H. Price, whose views on
economic questions have always car
ried weight, especially in the south,
advances a theory in the current issue
of World’s Work contrary to the
teachings of practically all the world’s
great political economists of past
years.
He presents the novel idea that
wars, instead of being a drain on the
world’s resources, may after all be an
economic advantage. In other words,
in spite of the enormous waste of
wars, the economies of the people as a
result of wars much more than offset
the waste of war itself.
By estimating the cost of the Eu
ropean war to date and comparing it
with the population of the belligerent
nations, Mr. Price finds it has so far
cost $15 per capita. He says there is
scarcely a family even in the United
States which has not brought about
economies of more than $15 per capita
since the present war began. How
much greater then must be the eco
nomies per capita in the nations ac
tually engaged ?
Mr. Price cites figures and quota
tions of securities to prove that during
the past century the greatest periods
of prosperity have been during and
immediately following wars. Thus the
United States had phenomenal pros
perity as a result of the civil war up
te the panic of 1873, and following the
Spanish-American war up to the finan
cial panic of 1907. Similarly England’s
greatest period of prosperity in mod
ern times followed the Boer war.
His theories open up a field for
thought and discussion, and if sus
tained by more thorough analysis will
upset the long accepted pronounce
ments of such great economists as
Mill and Adam Smith.
The Lobbyist
Alabama has been grieviously af
flicted with lobbyists, both the “un
holy” and the “holy” kind. If left to a
vote of the people, in spite of his
faults the “unholy” lobbyist would
doubtless be preferred to the “holy”
kind with a penchant for interfering
with personal liberty and the pursuit
of happiness. The ministerial lobbyist
is by far the worst example of the
1 politician who thinks himself called
upon to regulate his neighbor’s con
duct by statutory enactment and
forces people to accept laws of his
own devising, regardless of whether
or not the so-called “sovereign voters”
are amenable. Of the political parson
Alabama has seen enough and his
passing will not be lamented, but the
chances are that we will always have
lobbyists, as long as the present way
of making laws is in force.
The lobbyists occupies a peculiar
place in the political economy of this
country. He is ubiquitant but not al
ways. visible, the man who uses prop
erly elected legislators as his puppets
' and “plays the game” to suit his own
ends. He iB shrewd, calculating and
thoroughly competent. No*'man is bet
ter fitted for his job than the success
ful lobbyist, and when he ceases to
be jikcessful he is no longer a lob
Ttyist. He must be a good mixer first
of all. He must have an insinuating
personality, must be able to use the
wiles of the fox on occasion and at
Other times browbeat with merciless
aeverity.
As a spender the lobbyist has no
equal. In fact, spending is one of the
chief factors of his success. There is
the money he spends in a more or less
legitimate way for dinners, drinks, au
tomobile rides and other favors. And
j then there is the money, a much larger
| amount, which he pays over to his
tools in the privacy of a hotel bath
room or in some other equally seclud
ed spot. The money is not his, of
course, but is supplied by the “power
ful interests” he represents. Perhaps
that is one reason why he seems to
extract so much enjoyment out of
apparently throwing money at the
birds. However, the astute lobbyist
hits a “bird” about six times in seven
when he throws, and the “bird” event
ually belongs to him.
All in all, the lobbyist leads a joy
ous life, although he has to work hard.
The chief drawback to his profession
is that when he wins a notable victory
he has to do his celebrating in secret.
Birmingham's Varied Industries
There has been a steady increase in
the number of small industries in Bir
mingham within the past few years,
but there will always be room for
more. The industrial bureau of the
Chamber of Commerce will, it is
understood, strive to make a high rec
ord this year in assisting to establish
new manufacturing plants. It has a
splendid opportunity.
The Birmingham district as the cen
ter of large mining operations and
iron and steel works is in a class to
itself. But in addition to its extensive
plants it has many varied industries
of the smaller kind that contribute
greatly to the volume of production
and the volume of the pay rolls.
Some persons have a habit of say
ing, “What Birmingham lacks is the
small manufacturer—the small shop
and the small factory”—-just as if we
had only the big plants. If they would
inform themselves they would find
that Birmingham has made marked
progress along the very lines they
refer to. The variety of commodities
manufactured here widens every year
and will continue to widen; but with
renewed efforts on the part of the
Chamber of Commerce Birmingham’s
progress will be all the faster.
The newdy appointed industrial bu
reau of the chamber could make a
good start by ascertaining the num
ber and character of the manufactur
ing plants here, together with the
operating capacity and the average
monthly pay roll of each. This work
should be thorough. It may cost
something, but a comprehensive re
port show'ing what Birmingham has
would be not only a revelation to
many, but would be the basis for a
campaign seeking to obtain such ad
ditional industries as this field especi
ally invites.
i.et tne industrial Bureau get busy
and make a signal reputation for it
self and at the same time help to make
1915 a banner year in Birmingham’s
upbuilding.
No More Congestion at the Polls
The election bill enacted by the
present legislature, providing for a
uniform system of voting precincts
with a maximum of 300 voters to a
polling place, is a good measure and
one that will be greatly appreciated
by all the citizens of populous cen
ters who exercise the privilege of the
ballot.
Such a law should have been
adopted long ago. But after each gen
eral election the voters, who were up
in arms, so to speak, because of the
congestion, cooled down and forgot
about it. What was everybody’s busi
ness seemed to be nobody’s business,
and legislatures came and went with
out any action for polling place relief.
Birmingham, Montgomery and Mo
bile were the worst sufferers. The
congestion in this city was particu
larly bad. There were only four poll
ing boxes in the central part of Bir
mingham, when there should have
been 18 or 20. As many as 1500
ballots were received and deposited
at one place.
Even if the ballots had been short
the voters would have been unduly
delayed, but in these office-seeking
days the ballots are always long, and
when the names of 40 or 50 candi
dates were to be voted for, much time
,was consumed in marking the ballot
and sometimes election officers were
kept working 48 hours—working night
and day—in order to count and tabu
late the vote. The public was under
a strain of suspense and the whole
business was intolerable.
At the next election, no matter how
great the number of candidates, the
voter will experience no discomfort.
Three hundred votes can be cast in a
few hours and the result of the elec
tion will be known shortly after the
polls close.
This remedial legislation was slow
in coming, but the voters will feel
truly grateful that somebody took it
up at last and got it through.
Of course, jf Germany pays for the
Frye and courtmartials the commander of
the Prinz Eitel Friedrich we are willing
to be just as friendly as ever. In fact,
the German government could make more
friends in this country by courtmartial
i0g the commander than by paying for the
American ship he sank.
Germany's undersea blockade seems to
be a failure on the surface, and nobody
seenu to know what is at the bottom
of it.
Secretary McAdoo is one of the few
people in the country who can afford to
have appendicitis just at this time.
■>
The importation of beer in South China
has been disturbed by the war, and the
present is thought a favorable time for
| the Introduction of American beer. Al
I though the native population consumes
| comparatively little beer, large quantities
have been imported into China for the
use of the foreign population, for the
supply of ships and for a small consump
tion among Chinese. China has imported
cheap beer from Japan, German style beer
of fairly high grade from Tsingtau,
beers from Germany, ale and stout from
Great Britain and quantities of beer made
In Manila, Tsingtau beer has a strong
hold on the market. It Is cheaper than
the beer imported from Germany, but re
sembles it in quality. The opportunity
for American brewers seems to lie in
providing beer to take the place of the
Tsingtau product, and that imported
from Germany. American beer is popu
lar throughout the far east, sales de
pending largely on the price. However,
the demand seems to be for beers that
contain less alcohol and a heavier hop ele
ment than American brews.
A report has been circulated in Ger
many that the American Legion will
make war on that country under the lead
ership of Colonel Roosevelt. The German
people are being deceived. The American
Legion is merely the latest attempt of a
tireless politician to keep himself in the
public eye.
The Rocky mountains are gradually be
ing wort down by erosion, but the chances
are that the Great Salt lake, said to be
drying up, will be reduced to the size
of a fish pond long before the Rocky
mountains are the size of a molehill.
Manager Molesworth of the Barons
seems to have a lazy lot of recruits at
his training camp in Florida. Birming
ham baseball fans don’t want any players
on the local team wrho are apt to fall
asleep on second base.
It Is rumored that the deposed Sultan
of Turkey, Abdul Hamid, has escaped
from his captors and may start a revo
lution. This seems to be the logical time
for an undertaking of that sort in Tur
key.
A St. Louis music teacher advertises
"painless vocal lessons.” However he
puts himself in the class with "painless
destists” who promise what they cannot
perform.
Grace, charm and beauty are required!
of policewomen in Jersey City. Why
should any woman who has grace, charm
and beauty want to join the police force'.'
Chicago claims to have the cleanest res
taurants in the world. However, it is no
longer food, but cabaret features that at
tract people to restaurants.
"Fashion Week” in Birmingham has
been an unqualified success. If you don’t j
think so, ask any of the city’s tireless
tango fiends.
Since Diaz, no President of Mexico has
sat in the presidential chair long enough
to make his trousers slick.
A good spender is much more welcome
in California just now than the flow-ers
in May.
Thaw suffers from rheumatism, but this
entire country suffers from the Thaw
case.
ALABAMA PRESS
Carrollton West Alabamian: The legis
lative investigating committee, now sit
ting in Montgomery, appears to be find
ing some pretty hard nuts to crack.
Decaturs Daily: With Montgomery and
Washington quiet for a brief spell, there
will be more time to give to baseball and
other matters of real consequence.
Gadsden Journal: Birmingham is now
devoting her time to the effort to make
Alabama believe that Birmingham is the
style center of the state.
Shelby County Sun: Birmingham has
had during the past week some daring
robberies. If our recollection serves us
right this has been the cry in Birming
ham for the past 20 years.
Anniston Star: The Atlanta couple who
married an hour after meeting were evi
dently trying to circumvent the high cost
of courting.
MAKING “ANTItllK” BUGS
From the Rochester Democrat and
Chronicle.
For years it has been no secret that
a good many so-called oriental products
are just about as oriental as a Sheffield
blade. We know that merchants from
the far east in this country lay their
rugs in the street to be tramped on,
and the same trick is employed even in
mystic Bagdad, that new rugs may thus
be given an ancient appearance. For
eign manufacturers in Persia now make
rugs, and, that their profits may bo
greater, sell them through Bagdad. It
is said that there fine rugs may be
seen lying in the filth of the streets
in front of the bazars, and the usage
they receive in that way makes them
more highly prized by rich Americans.
Citizens of this country in search of
aristocratic trappings have long been a
prolific source of revenue to fakers,
but they are becoming wiser than they
were. Undoubtedly the shake-up that
will result from the war will contribute
to modernizing ancient crafts, but the
production of “antiques” will not cease
as long as the supply of gulls holds out.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS
From the Chicago News.
Even men wtjo say but little talk toe
much
A genius is a man who seldom make*
good at it.
Trying to dodge work tires more men
than hard labor.
Haste makes some people waste a lot ol
other people’s time.
Hatred is often the result of knowing
but one- side of a person.
The less a man thinks of his neighboi
the more he admires himself.
Most women are born leaders—and mosl
men are born followers thereof.
It is easier to break the will of a deac
man than the will of a live woman.
Ministers may come and ministers may
go. but the choir feud goes on forever.
The things that come to those whe
wait are apt to be stale by the time they
arrive
Unless you have more dollars than sense
do not expert others to consider your
troubles interesting.
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Itenl Mutate Outlook
"The real estate market is still quiet,
but there is of course inquiry for
j property needed for some particular
purpose," said S. E. Thompson.
"With the coming of spring I ex
pect to see a decided improvement.
When a brisk speculative demand
starts up there will be active trading
in every direction. Values here are low
now compared with what they will be
a little later on. Prices therefore should
be tempting."
Farm band Values in flic South
"An especially interesting article in
this week’s Baltimore Manufacturers*
| Record is that entitled ‘Farm Land Hold
| ings in the South,' made up of data fur
' nished by the census bureau," said a
I member of the Chamber of Commerce,
j "Between 1900 and 1910 the value of all
' farm property—land, buildings, imple
! ments and machinery and live stock
increased from $5,262,278,902 to $10,971,865,
176, or by $5,709,586,214, equal to 106 per
cent in the south, and in the rest of the
country from $15,177,622,202 to $30,019,683,914,
or by $14,841,961,712, or at the rate of 97.7
per cent.
"The rates of increase were greater for
farm lands alone. In the south the in
crease in value was from $3,233,461,752 to
$7,337,310,297, or by $4,103,857,545, equal to
126.8 per cent, and from $9,824,546,240 to
$21,138,354,872, or by $11,313,808,632, equal to
115.1 per cent, in the rest of the coun
try.
"In Alabama there was a very large
increase in 2910 as compared with 1900.
The value of all farm property in this
state operated by whites was $132,481,529 in
1900 and $272,767,681 in 1910; value of farm
property operated by negroes in 1900, $46,
918,353 and in 1910 $97,370,748. Arkansas
values, like those of Alabama, more than
doubled in 10 years.
"In 1900, of the total of 2,895,590 farm
operators in the south, 1,313,165, or 45.3 per
cent, were tenants. In 10 years the total
number increased by 466,363, or at the rate
of 16.1 per cent, to 3,363,955, of whom
1,615,175, or nearly 47.2 per cent, were
tenants, their number having Increased
by 302,010, or at the rate of 22.9 per cent.
In the rest of the country the increase
In the number of tenants had been at
a rate less than that of the increase
in the total number of farm operators,
the total number increasing l’roin 2,841,782
to 2,997,574. or by 155,765, equal to 5.4 per
cent, and the number of tenants from
711,799 to 789,501, or by 27,702, equal to
3.8 per cent."
Originated l»y lllllie Hiirko
"Miss Billie Burke originated the
scheme of copyrighting her stage dresses
that so many actresses have since adopt
ed," said an attache of the Jefferson
theatre.
" ‘I just had to do it.* said the ac
tress. ‘I used to be proud of the fact
that the dressmakers copied my clothes
for their customers, but I found it made
it very expensive for me. I had to be
getting new frocks all the time to keep
ahead of my audiences. Ho I have seen
my lawyers in Newr York and they tell
me it can be done and that after my
dresses are copyrighted I can prosecute
anyone who copies them/
"Miss Burke, it is well known, is one
of the best dressed women on the Amer
ican stage. She designs most of her cos
tumes herself and so they have a dis
tinctive touch that differentiates them
from the prevailing fashions. Dress
makers in Now York especially—but in
other cities, too—were quick to observe
this and whenever Miss Burke appeared
in a new play in New York there were
always a lot of the fashionable costumers
of the city in the audience and it wasn’t
long before a lot of Imitation Billie
Burkes were to be seen on Fifth ave
nue."
hood Year In the South
“This will be a good year in the
south,” said J. AV. Bateman of Cincin
nati. “At least there is such promise,
if weather conditions are favorable.
“Conditions in Arkansas, Mississippi,
Alabama and several other southern
states that grow cotton on a large scale
have improved very much since the
price of the staple reached the S
cent level, and as many farmers have
much cotton still on hand they will
get 10 cents and that will yield a
fair profit.
‘But it is to this year's crops that
the country now looks. Even If the
cotton acreage reduction Is only small
the south should be able to come out
well because of the crop diversifica
tion movement. The south will raise
more food products this year than ever
before; and the total money value of
the 1915 crops will show a large gain
over any previous year.”
The Iron Market
Matthew Addy & Co.’s Cincinnati re
port this week is in part as follows:
“At a meeting of iron men the other
day there was much conversation re
garding the probable advance in the mar
ket, and one of the gentlemen present
gave much good advice on the necessity
of holding together. ‘What we want,’ said
one of the others, ‘is not advice but
orders.’ That Is what everyone in the
iron trado wants today. The situation
may be discussed from all kinds of the
oretic angles but when reduced to its
last analysis what is really needed is
enough orders to satisfactorily go around,
and March seems to have started out to
be much better than January or Feb
ruary.
“Business this week has shown a pro
gressive improvement over last week.
There is no special feature to the mar
ket, that is, there is in no one depart
ment of the steel or iron trade any
notable change. The shops running on
war material are still running to their
full capacity; the ship building plants are
beginning to be rushed, and the shops
in other lines all show increased ac
tivity. For example, the second largest
agricultural implement maker in the
country is now operating up to 75 per
cent of capacity. In November this com
pany was down to about 25 per cent.'’
GOSSIP IN LONDON
From the Philadelphia Telegraph.
Tlie Bishop of London states that
churchmen of the London diocese who
are at the front or In training during
Lent may consider themselves dispensed
from the rule of fasting during the
war.
In view of the scarcity of fish, it will
suffice if others observe the Friday fast
only and that in such manner as may
be found possible.
Rev. Father Cheray, Catholic rector
at Hitchln, on leaving his parish after
six and one-lialf years of ministry to
serve with the French army, has been
presented with a purse of gold by the
parishioners and non-Catholic friends.
a
In a farewell speech Father Cheray
said:
“I look upon it as an honor and a
glory to go and fight for my country,
and the hardships of the warfare have
nothing to frighten me.”
The German government has paid to
the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg tho
initial sum of 100,000 marks as com
pensation for the interruption of the
telephone service, caused by military
operations. Other payments are to fol
low; the rates of telephone subscrib
ers will in consequence be reduced.
Henry Dickens has given splendid
proof of the power of his father s name
by the large sum which he lias collected
| for the Red Cross society’s fund by
j giving readings from his works in Lou
don.
A letter written from the front by a
captain of the Royal Artillery tells how
he gave a recital of the "Christmas
Carol.” The recital was announced in
camp orders and 300 men had to be
turned away from the doors because
there was no more room. ‘‘All through
the dialogue,” says the writer, “the men
j (I could feel it) simply sat breathless,
hoping against hope that Scrooge would
turn up trumps. And, then, at the last
words, ‘And therefore I'm going to raise
your salary,’ there was an extraordinary
outburst of relief—laughter and spon
taneous applause.”
PERSONALS FROM LONDON TIMES.
Handsome retriever wishes to enlist
with regilnent in country. Write "Kim,’'
5 Pilgrim's Lane, Hampstead. London.
Will some one kindly take care of
dog (spaniel) whilst officer is at the
front? Write Captain Thompson, 45
Alma road, Sheerness.
The British Hotel, Restaurant and
Club Employes’ society desires the help
of all patriots to keep the alien enemy
out of our midst. A list of hotels and
restaurants where patroitism has stood
before profit can be had on application
to the secretary, George Sims, 4 Hart
street, New Oxford street, W. C. Phone
Museum 60.3. P. S.—Mr. McKenna states
that there are 20,000 alien enemies at
large. We should like to know how
many are employed, and so displacing
British labor.
To tho Powers That Be.—Re-sentenco
on soldier’^ wife. Middlesex sessions,
Saturday, February 7:
"The quality of mercy is not strained
It droppeth as the gentle rain from
heaven
Upon the place beneath; it is twice
blessed,
It blcssetji him that gives and him that
takes;
’Tis mightest in the mightiest.
It becomes the throned monarch better
than his crown.”
"When mercy seasons justice.”
—Humanitarian.
First Aeroplane Bomb.—A contribu
tion to the fund has been made in tho
shape of a fragment of the first bomb
which fell on English soil in this Eu
ropean war. The contributor considers
that, as an enduring record of the war,
the fragment should increase In value
as time goes on, and he has decided
that it shall be offered for sale to the
highest bidder, and tho amount realized
credited to "The Times” fund for the
sick and wounded. The donor will give
to the purchaser of this fragment of
the bomb the authentic history of how
it came into his possession. The highest
bid received bv noon on Marcn l will
be accepted. Offers should be addressed
j Box U 96, The Times.
Pittsburg Sun: The interesting news
that comes by way of London is to the
effect that Abdul Hamid, deposed ruler
of Turkey, has managed to escape from
his prison, for that Is what it really was,
and is again foot free. If this proves
true, and he Is able to get back within
speaking distance of his friends in Tur
key the result may be momentous to the
allies.
There is no denying the fact that the
old Sultan lias many powerful friends in
the country willing to rush to his aide if
there is a possibility of again coming into
power The Young Turk party will have
in the old man and ills shrewd associated
a clever and crafty band of orientals to
combat. Abdul Hamid would in all likeli
hood throw his fortunes with the allies,
because the Young Turks are completely
dominated by Germany and Austria. Even
though the old Sultan did not support the
allies, still the division of the Turkish
nation, possibly civil war, would split
the opposition to the allies and make their
conquest of the country easier than It
would bo with a solid front of loyal Turks
opposed to them. ,
Of coursj it Is all problematical re
garding the old Sultan. The wish of the
allies may be father to the thought that
he has escaped and was arranging to
gather ills supporters about him and make
an effort to regain his lost crown.
Providence Journal: Horses and mules
are the most striking items in the official
statement of January exports—$7,866,795
wortli of the former and $1,312,195 worth
of the latter. The war accounts for this,
of course. Horses and mules fall in the
classification "miscellaneous.” The mis
cellai eous exports in this month, a year
ago amounted in value only to some $G00,
000, but in January last almost to $10,000,
000.
The horse was not worth distinguishing
as an item of commerce before the war
broke out. The wonder is that the sup
plies have been ample for the sudden de
mand. But, from time to time, it has
been remarked that the industry of horse
breeding was flourishing, despite the pre
valence of the motor vehicle. A pro
nounced effect of the automobile has
been to cause breeders to pay close at
tention to quality. The market for first
class horses has remained steady enough.
The result has been that the average
grade of American horses was never so
high as when the call came for thou
sands of the best obtainable for service
in the war.
THE SOUTH, THE NEGHO’S FRIEND
From Leslie’s.
Friend! The south, after all, is the
negro’s best .friend. The light in the
House upon the Senate’s negro exclusion
amendment to the Immigration bill, which
was defeated by the decisive vote of 252
to 75, was led by Representative Burnett
of Alabama, chairman of the committee
on immigration. Such an antenaemeqt,
had it passed, would have been a reflec
tion on all the millions of American citi
zens of African descent. Its defeat will
leave the questldfc where it has stood
since 1870 by which persons of African
nativity and descent are eligible to ad
mission as aliens with all the rights of
pcssible citizenship. The fact that by far
th< largest part of the negro race con
tinues to live in the south is evidence
that they recognize the opportunity they
have there, and that they consider the
southern white man to he their friend.
There are lynclilngs in the south, it la
ttue, but so there are in the north under
similar provocation. These are the work
of mobs, and mobs know no law, human
or divine. The recent action of a southern
governor in seeking to prosecute and con
vict the leaders in a lynching mob, is In
dicative of a growing purpose in the
south to let the orderly process of the
court take tho place of lynch law.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
ALL A PRETENSE.
His ways seem hard to fathom,
He wears a cryptic smile;
He has a reputation
For craftiness and guile.
He shakes his head profouhdly
When his opinion’s sought,
As if twere wondrous weighty
And with much wisdom fraught.
He never gets excited,
Is always calm and cool,
But in her heart his wife knows
That he is Just a fool.
JOY WORlt THEN.
“I'd hate to be a bookkeeper. It's dry
work running your eyes over a row of
figures."
“It Is unless you happen to have a front
seat at a musical company."
A RARE SORT.
"They are a model married couple."
"I prpsume they never quarrel?"
"Oh, yes. They do that."
“Then, why do you consider them worth
emulating?”
"They have decided that they won’t
buy an automobile until they can afford
it.”
HARD TO DO SOMETIMES.
“In the old days every gentleman was
supposed to go to bed drunk."
"To certain extent I guess that was
true.”
“The age of efficiency has put a stop to
such conduct.”
“Yes. Nowadays, no matter how full a
gentleman gets, he has to sit up late and
pretend he's sober."
WHY HE MOURNS.
The hard-worked humorist Is sad
It must not bo forgotten.
Some days his stuff is merely bad
And others simply rotten.
ONE OF THE DEVOTEES.
"Old Mr. Gadderson carries his years
lightly.”
“Too lightly, I fear."
•■res?” J
"A man of his age should know that
there is something else in life besides
dancing.”
NOTHING MORE USEFUL. ®-i
"I suppose you have a great deal of
poetry to handle in the spring,” said the
visitor.
"Oh, yes,” answered the frayed and
frazzled editor. "But there are times when
a manuscript contains just what I'm
looking for.”
"And what is that?”
"Stamps.”
WEATHER.
The sround hog shakes with joyful gles
And nibbles frozen clover—
And gives the laugh to you and me,
Because he put one over.
—Painesville Telegraph-Rrepubllcan.
The ground hog should be soundly sassed
In every burg and hamlet.
In fact, he really should be classed
With March's lion and lamblet. j
—Youngstown Telegram.
The ground hog may have called the turn !
When he came from his cellar;
But the one we blame for it all’s
Our local weather feller.
. —Houston Post.
The ground liog and the .feavher clerk
Compose a luckless team.
For neither does the kind of work
That wins him much esteem.
TRUE.
"A noted stage beauty who has tried
it says there is nothing to being an old
man’s darling.”
"Ah! But she overlooks the advertis
ing.”
BATHOS.
A popular comedian died rv-entlv.
was a good fellow and everybody loved
him. However, an effusive obituatry no
tice in a theatrical magazine makes him
appear to have been a saint on earth.
There is such a thing as carrying the
doctrine of "de mortals nil nisi bonum”
too far. PAUL cOOK.
[VINTAGE AND VANTAGE STORIES
OF THE NEWSPAPER CLUB
T. S. Abernathy, the popular motion
picture theatre owner, told of a conver
sation he recently overheard In Atlanta
between two moving picture actors. One
had recently become a benedict and his
friend inquired:
“ •Well, old top, how’s the double
blessedness progressing?’
“ ’We're still in episode No. One,’ was
the reply.’’
Apropos of the operation recently per
formed upon Mme. Sarah Bernhardt, a
well-known member told the following:
“When Mme. Bernhardt was In Bir
mingham the last time I had occasion to
drop Into the Jefferson at the end of the
second act, when I observed A. V. Ben
nett, then chief of the fire department,
standing around with a very weary look
on his face. I lost sight of him in fol
lowing the play which, of course, was
given in French, and was absolutely un
intelligible to the majority of the people
in the theatre. On the stage Camille'»
enraged lover was showering her with
gold and hank notes and the emotional
pitch of the play, presented with true
Gaelic fervor, was at its height. I heard
a sigh and looking up saw Chief Bennett
towering above me. ’Say,’ he exclaimed,
'when is this thing going to begin? I'm
getting awfully tired.’ ”
"George Ward, president of the city com
mission, has a sense of humor that many
times extracts him from what otherwise
might prove more or less serious situa
tions,” said Ralph R. Silver.
“At all times he tries apparently to
keep in the good graces of the newspaper
men who cover the daily events of the
city hall, but he is sorely tempted occa
sionally to challenge one of the scribes
to a duel and usually in these temptations
his sense of humor comes to his relief and
saves the situation.
“Some few weeks ago, when the sub
committee of the committee of 100 was
investigating the conduct of the city gov
ernment, one of the newspapers pub
lished a statement to the effect that the
board of commissioners probably would
bo given a ‘clean bill of health.’ Paoli
Smith, city hall reporter for the Ledger,
immediately took up the phrase and every
day for about a week he ran a story to
the effect that the commissioners would
in all probability be given *a clean bill
of health.’ It finally got on G. Ward’s
nerves and one morning he called Paoll
into the royal presence with the full in
tention of blacking his eye.
“ ‘Pool!,’ he started in. rolling Lack the
cuff of his right sleeve In preparation for
the onslaught, 'I’m getting d- tired of
you stating every day that we are going |
to get a clean bill of health. Tnat
phrase is conveying the impression to j
the public that there is something down
here that might smell to the high heav- |
ens if uncovered" and tl.at 'here is a
frame-up with the investigating commit
tee to keep it covered and give us, as
you say, a clean bill «*f health.’
“He spat four times on the costumer ‘
hanging full of garments, threw his cala
bash onto the table and cleared the deck j
for action. Paoli saw the inevitable and
started a flanking movemen' with the ,
idea of .keeping the big glass covered
desk between himself and ‘the mayor.*
The two or three others in the room set
tled back prepared to enjoy the scrap.
“It was then that Mr. Ward turned to
one of these and said:
“ T feel as if I had literally been
picked to pieces by pifflin’ Fooli’s pid
dlin’ prophesies!’
“And in the laugh that followed ’Pooli*
made his escape and the next day the
two made up.” „
“While standing in front of the Jef
ferson county bank building a few days
ago waiting for a car,” said a newspaper \
woman, “I overheard the following con
versation:
“An old negro man W'as bewailing the
fact that his savings of a lifetime—$35
—were tied up in the Jefferson County
Savings bank. A white man near said:
‘Why, Uncle, I wouldn’t worry about that J
if I were in your place. The closing of
the doors of this bank is only tempo
rary.’ I
“ ‘Yes, sir, boss,’ replied the old negro,
‘but I bears um singing round here, j
‘Hit’s a Long Way to Temporary.’ ”
ANOTHER MONTH IN EUROPE I
From ‘ The War's Now Alignments,” by
Frank H. Slmonds, in the American Re
view o£ Reviews for March.
VIEWED from the military side,
February was for Germany the
most brilliantly successful month
since October, when she took Antwerp
and approached the very walls of War
saw. Eastward her victories over the
Russians were as complete In Bukovina
as In East Prussia, and her armies
brought new life to Austro-Hungarian
efforts in the Carpathians. Only the de
feat of a naval raid directed at the Brit
ish coast and the loss of the Bluecher
gave Berlin cause for regret.
Yet the solid and splendid triumphs of
German arms had for the world less
meaning than the official declarations
which by their very defiance of inter
national practise and neutral rights
seemed to emphasize how serious for
Germany had become the question of her
food supply and how terrible was the
advantage of sea power possessed by
her most relentless und most hated en
emy, England.
Napoleon, having conquered at Aus
terlitz and Jena, and become temporarily
master of Europe, had sought to crusii
British commerce by his famous Berlin
and Milan decrees, the first of which
proclaimed that the British Isles were in
a state of blockade; the second declared
that any ship which touched a British
port wa3 liable to be seized and treated
as a prize. Germany’ still holding Bel
gium. Northern France, Western Pol
land. In February , struck at England
with the proclamation that the waters
about the British Islands were a war
zone in which neutral ships would be
exposed to attack and destruction by
German submarines without the formal
ity of search.
To her foes such a declaration could
omy mean tliatg Germany foresaw the
coming of a time when her own fodii
supplies would fill. This view was fur
ther confirmed by an earlier official de
cree which placed all grain supplies in
Germany under the control of the gov
ernment. Taken together these two acts
w ere accepted as confession that Ger
many feared defeat by starvation unless
she could break tho iron ring about her j
To <lo this she must compel the British
lj lalsc tlie embargo on food supplies,
and her only weapon was the submarine,
by which Bhe might hope.to intercept food
ships bound for Britain and by compell
ing the English to suffer from food short
age force the abolition of the food block
ade.
As to English ships, Admiral von Tlr
jltz had. In January, frankly proclaimed
a policy of submarine aggression which
contemplated sinking ships t and crews,
and thus conduct a reign of terror on !
tlie high seas. In February the cam
paign opened, not by sinking crews and
ships, but by torpedoing several ships ?
at very mouth Of the Mersey and setting
their crews ashore. Such a course must >
and did provoke unfavorable criticism Jj
among* the neutrals, but to extend thie *
policy to neutral ships was to open new j
horizons, was a frank confession that !
the German campaign to win sympathy
abroad had given way to a stern neces
sity to make wkr as terrible as possible
for the foe even at the expense of neu
trals.
AIX-LA-CHAFELI.E
By William Wordsworth.
Was it to disenchant, and to undo.
That we approached the seat of Charle
magne?
To sweep from many an old romantic
strain
That faith which no devotion may renew!
Why does this puny church present to
view
Its feebled columns and that scanty chair?
This sword that one of our weak tlmM
might wear; >
Objects of false pretense, or meanly true!
If from a traveler's fortune I might claim
A palpable memorial of that day,
Then would I seek*lie Pyranean breach
Which Roland clove with huge two-hand
ed sway.
And to tho enormouB labor left his name,
Where unremitting frosts the rockjr
crescent bleach.