The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], March 27, 1915, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. VV. BARRETT.Editor
Entered at tlie Birmingham, Ala,
postoffice as second class matter under
act of Congress March 3, 1ST 9.
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through the malls. Address,
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 1111:1)3 build
ing.
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Covent Garden, London.
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eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exchange connecting all
departments > Main 4lil».
Stand thee close, then, under this pent
house, for It drizzles rnln.
—Much Ado About Nothing.
BEGINNING THE DAY—O God, I
tbnnk Thee for the morning with Its
sparkling nlr. Its ilrw-w nalied earth.
Its train of fresh mercies, Its new
chanre. May I answer its call, may
I bathe myself in Its promise and
Its balm. In ( hrlst's name. Amen.
—H. M. E.
Allegiance to Party
A dispatch from Decatur quotes ex
Gov. R. B. Glenn of North Carolina as
follows:
I did not join the flying squadron of
prohibition speakers because I would
have had to take an oath that 1
would not support any candidate for
office unless he declared iii favor of
prohibition, i am still a good demo
crat.
From the above, It is deduced that
Mr. Glenn, in the event that democrats
nominate a candidate for the presi
dency who fails to declare for prohi
bition, he will remain faithful to his
party and vote for him at the polls.
It is also deduced that the members
of the flying squadron, the mysteri
ous force which created that organiza
tion and its innumerable adherents
throughout the United Stutes will, in
the event that the democrats nominate
n local optionist, abandon the party,
and rally to the support of the na
tional prohibition candidate.
It is fast becoming common knowl-1
edge that the advocates of prohibition
(and no criticism of their course is
here intended j are forming themselves
into a close political corporation, the
members of which are bound by oath
to support the tenets of the faith.
It is quite proper that those who put
prohibition above democracy should
flock into the prohibition party, for
it has seldom in the history of the
world occurred that the lion and the
lamb could long remain in amity to
gether.
Change in Convict System
That the several corporations are
beginning to tire of the practice of
leasing convict labor from the state
is demonstrated by the fact that Gov
ernor Henderson, having no place in
which to put idle criminals to work,
has offered them to the counties for
a very modest hire.
The counties, which unlike the state
and the cities, have not suffered from
lack of funds, should and will, it is
probable, take advantage of .the lib
eral offer of Governor Henderson, and
with cheap labor construct additional
miles of modern highway.
The time is fast approaching, ac
cording to every indication, when the
state and the corporations, for the
sake of financial profit, will not longer
conspire to perpetuate what Senator
White has termed ‘‘a blot on civiliza
tion and a black mark against relig
ion.” The legislature which is now
sitting will alleviate the burden of the
convict, and subsequent legislatures
will take him entirely out of the mines
and put him to work on the farms and
the roads of the state.
This is altogether as it should be.
The fact that now the upkeep of con
victs has become so burdensome to the
state that the governor is anxious to
lease them to the counties, is simply
thft beginning of a new regime in
AUbama, and one which, in the long
run, will prove more profitable to the
state and the people of the state than
that which currently obtains.
Cost of Investigation
Is the game worth the candle ?
Newspapers differ among them
selves at to whether or not the state
is extravagant in spending its money
for the support of the members of the
recess committees of the legislature.
It has been estimated by the Mont
gomery Advertiser that the three com
mittees, when their labor is completed,
will have cost the commonwealth the
tidy fortune of $18,000. The Adver
tiser intimates that in its judgment
• the product of the committees will not
justify the expenditure. Other papers,
differing, declare that the committees
have already “paid for themselves.”
The investigating committee will
m
j perform its greatest service in instill
ing in the breast of future careless or
negligent officeholders of the state a
lasting fear of detection and criticism.
This service, however, may or may
not be worth a third of the $18,000, or
I 86000.
But should the financial committee
j evolve a new and practical system of
I taxation, and construct at the" same
time a just and profitable revenue
bill; and should the judiciary commit
tee rearrange the present judiciary
system so that justice will not be de
nied or delayed, and the law en
forced at the same time at a great
reduction in cost, then the commit
tee will have been worth their hire.
The important work is not to be per
formed by the committee, the duty of
which it is to parade soiled linen, and
cause ghosts to walk from closets. Its
work will be merely incidental. That
committee, as a matter of fact, is act
ing in the capacity of the black-faced
comedian who entertains the crowd
while the “doctor” is selling his medi
cine. The success of the scheme de
pends almost entirely on the work of
the other committees, which up to the
present time have attracted only
minor attention.
That Absurd Law
The absurd law preventing the sale
or distribution by carrier of newspa
pers or magazines containing whisky,
beer of wine advertisements in Ala
bama is working a great hardship
upon the intelligent people of this
state. Such publications as Life, Puck,
Judge, the Cosmopolitan and the oth
er excellent publications, including
practically all of the magazines, are
put under the ban in Alabama, and
people can only get them by subscrib
ing directly. Many of the newsstand
men are almost put out of business.
If the members of the legislature
desire to punish the local newspapers
of Alabama by preventing them from
printing whisky or beer advertise
ments let them, under the leadership
of a few fanatics, do so for the pres
ent. But the legislature at its July
session should at least repeal that sec
tion of the law which puts a ban on
foreign publications distributed and
sold in Alabama.
The public should not be cut off
from reading the high class magazines
just because some of them advertise
champagnes, beer or ever a high grade
of whisky.
State Educational Association
The annual meetings of the Stale
Educational association are always
well attended and Montgomery is ex-"
pecting 2600 teachers to answer the
roll call there at this year’s conven
tion next week. State Superintendent
of Education Feagin has issued a
statement in which he urges every
public school teacher in Alabama to !
be present.
The educational association is a
center of far-reaching influence. Its
discussions are of practical value and
many of the papers read are distinctly
illuminating. Every meeting is an
inspiration to the young men and
women who have entered the teaching
profession, and as Montgomery’s hos
pitality is unsurpassed the gathering
will have many delightful social fea
tures which will count for much in
the way of needed diversion.
The State Educational association
has a very important work ahead of
it in connection with the long desired
improvement of school conditions in
the rural sections under the proposed
amendment to the constitution. When
that measure becomes a law, as it will
after the election in 1916, every coun
ty and every school district will be
authorized to levy a special tax for
school purposes. A few counties may
be somewhat slow at the start in
availing themselves of the taxing
privilege. But in time all of them will
be in line. It is for the educational
association to use its organized
agencies in promoting a campaign for
more and better schools. It can cer
tainly accomplish much for the good
cause by co-operating with the Ala
bama illiteracy commission recently
created.
H. Y. Brooke, examiner for the federal
reserve banking system, told the members
of the recess committee on investigation
that legislators "come to Montgonffery for
the purpose of passing a few local bills,
and having performed that duty, fall into
the hands of the Philistines, who use
them." It is entertaining to note that
the committee neither denied the allega
tion nor cited the witness to appcar*bc
fore the legislature for contempt.
Life In felicitating Alabama on the pus
sage by the legislature of a law which
precludes the circulation In this state
of newspapers and magazines containing
liquor advertisements, concludes with the
exclamation "Vive L'Ignorance.” The
Age-Herald contends that Alabamians are
not as Ignorant as the legislature makes
them appear.
It required a good deal of urging to
Induce Eliliu Root to give up his lucra
tive law practice and enter public life,
but that was nearly 14 years ago. After
he got into the political game he liked
it and It Is now believed that he would
be even willing to accept the republican
nomination for the presidency.
The man in Birmingham In whose breast
does not throb a patriotic desire to serve
on the city commission or the hoard of
revenue is an exception.
The Gadsden papers regard as a blf
news item the report to the effect that e
negro had stolen the revolver of Repre
sentative A. R. Brindley was erroneous. Ii
might be pertinent to inquire why It hap
pens that n man of the "great uplift" at
Mr. Brindley is should be possessed of a
murderous weapon.
The Selma Times quotes Captain Hob
son as having declared that President Wil
son Is the '“country's greatest liability."
Captain Hobson has been so reluctant to
criticize those with whom he differs that
The Age-Herald fears lie has been done
another grave injustice.
The Jasper Eagle in its editorial col
umns felicitates Walker county that there
prohlbitlen lias endured for seven years.
On its front page It prints what It terms
a story of a cold-blooded murder on Loss
Creek bridge, anil a "drunken row" mur
der at Bankhead mines.
The Greene County Democrat, published
in the home town of Senator J. T. Denson,
is unkind enough to remark that the mem
bers of the recess committees of the leg
islature arc making more money trav
eling throughout the state than they could
make at home.
If Senator Lusk, member of the recess
committee on Judiciary, continues to fol
low his Inclination of Inquiring into the
personal conduct of a certain state of
ficial, the Investigating committee will be
come convinced that he Is poaching on Its
preserves.
Dr. Earle Drcnnen, In speaking Thurs
day night of his experiences as a war
surgeon In Prance, scaled the heights of
realistic narration when lie declared the
I’aria of the present to be as dull and
monotonous as Montgomery.
The effort of the city council of At
lanta to regulate the service of jitney
busses has deprived Leo Frank of his ac
customed position on the front pago-of
the Gate City newspapers.
ft is pitiable how completely the great
European conflict has knocked into a
cocked hat that Utopian argument that
a big navy acts as a preventative of war.
"They all look good in the spring"
Is particularly applicable to the stirring
"specials" coming now from Orlando.
When peace is declared in Europe time
will not hang heavy on our hands. The
Mexican problem will still remain.
Oh, well, ill a trifle more than three
months the old legislature will he in ses
sion again.
Why raise cotton when B. M. Allen
proves that, there is money in hull?
ALABAMA PRESS
Selma Journal: We are glad tills
place—Przcmysl—whatever that may
be. has surrendered and hope that it
may not be necessary to refer to it
any more during the war. It is en
tirely too hard to spell.
Alexander City Outlook: The ad
vance agent of an American circus is
not In it when it comes to making
claims compared to those Europeans
sending out reports concerning bat
tles. They are all past masters at the
Job.
Dothan Eagle: They also serve who
only sit and investigate.
Sylaeauga Advance: Since the war
ring nations of Europe are so set on
stopping the exportation of American
products, suppose we use our products
at home and improve the manufac
ture of our raw materials. The -fin
ished product will find a market any
where, and there are several counties
on the western hHlf of this little globe
that can use the products of this coun
try.
Southern Star: If there lias been a
year in the past 40 when it was neces
sary for our people to look out for
home living, that year Is the present
one. We must grow on the farm what
is consumed there. There is no money
in cotton.
West Alabamian: It is claimed some
planters made big money out of pea
nut hay last year. Inquire infb the
possibilities of this crop—irs easy
made.
Falkville News: A11 honor to the op
timist. He is really one uf the greatest
assets a town or community can have,
and this glorious republis great ns it
Is would wither and perish If it weie
not for the optimists scattered
throughout its great domain. In de
pressions lie Is the guiding star of
hope and ill prosperity he contributes
to a greater abundance thereof,
I.LKE M’LLKE SAYS
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
A whole lot of men are so busy arguing
about the war in Europe causing hard
times in this country that they haven’t
time to hunt .for a Job.
What has become of the old fashioned
man who used to shine his boots with
stove polish every Sunday morning?
Women like to build castles in the air
because when the structures are com
pleted the pipes never freeze, the fur
nace never goes out and there are no
dishes to wash.
Once In a while you will llnd a girl
who Is so fond of lobsters that she mar
ries one.
One reason why there isn't any fun In
gambling with your wife Is because It
keeps the money In the family.
If you have a great idea and make
money out of it, you are a genius. But
If you do not make any money out of It
you are a crank or a plain nut.
One-half of the world has too much ed
ucation and too little experience. And
the other half has too little education
and too much experience.
The player piano in the front room sel
dom needs It, but the family Bible on the
table near the piano always needs dust
ing.
And there Is such a thing as a man be
ing so public spirited that he can't let
other people's business alone long enough
to attend to his own business.
We may be only tenth raters at what
we are doing. But we all know that we
could do the othef fellow’s Job better than
he is doing it.
The high cost of living wasn't such
a much in the old days when a woman
was satlsfled to go down town with a
lump of chalk tied in a corner of her hand
kerchief. Nowadays she wants a $5 vanity
bag and lias to buy about $6 worth al
cosmetics to All the blame thing.
The faster a man Is, the longer it takes
him to get home at night.
Some men are smart enough to acquire
a reputation for being liberal because
they give away things that they can't
use themselves.
it often happens that the same glri
who leads all her classes in the gym is
so delicate when she Is at home that
washing dishes would give her nervous
prostration.
! IN HOTEL LOBBIES
_
Improvement Slow Rut Sure
"The Iron market is much like the pres
ent weather—there are plenty of signs of
spring, but It is pretty bleak March after
all, ' says Matthew Addv company’s mar
ket review,
"This week the distinguishing feature
of the situation has been the activity of
speculators. They have been figuring In
nearly' all sections on large purchases to
he held against tiie day of higher prices.
There is a story of an English syndi
cate that lias negotiated for the purchase
of 100,000 tons. The story came in an in
direct way, but it Is attended by fairly
good circumstantial evidence. However,
large blocks of speculative Iron have
been made up of small lots for prompt de
livery. This small buying has been grow
ing of late, and the shipments from fur
nace yards show a notable increase. Pig
iron stocks are heavy considering tiie
times, yet they do not amount to much in
view of tiie normal needs of the country,
and when tiie extraordinary needs of tiie
world, following peace, are taken into
consideration, they do not amount to even
a safe surplus.
"Prices remain unchanged. They are
still on tiie low level, and until they can
be raised, iron makers will have a hard
time, for at present prices the business is
unprolitable.
"There can be no question In regard to
the increase in consumption. All foun
dries are melting more than they were
six months ago. Improvement In this di
rection is slow, but it is sure."
I.Casons from War* of Post
“I was much interested in General
French’s remarks about the civil war
leaders In his Interview with Frederick
Palmer," said a student of civil war
strategy. "General French rightly ac
knowledges the. debt the modern sol
dier owes General Lee because all the
tactics of the present war originated
with General Lee's campaign in defense
of Richmond.
"Lee it was who first 'dug himself
In’ and hung on before Grant, thwart
ing his every move and the Confederate
leader first demonstrated the possi
bilities of the trench. Prior to the ad
vent of Lee earthworks were used In
a general way, but they did not play so
vital a part in the fighting as in tho
battles around Richmond.
"Just as the Germans dug them
selves 1n along the Aisne so Lee en
trenched along the road to Richmond
and as long as he had a handful of
men held at bay the innumerable le
gions of Grant.
"Another part of General French's
Interview interested me. It was what
lie said about artillery. The British
commander maintains that infantry Is
still 'queen of battles,' and that It is
the deciding arm of the service. This
may be true and I would be the last
one to dispute tiie learned Britisher but
nevertheless it has been unmistakably
proven that the guns will have a
mighty Influence on the outcome of the
war.
"Already the system of modern de
fense lias been revolutionized. After
this war is over frontiers and import
•ant cities will be defended not by
'costly towers of cement and steel but
by line after line of trenches, for the!
modern artillery has made the for
mer obsolete."
The Cotton Market
“The recent advance In cotton quota
tions can but be most gratifying to tho
people of tiie south," said a Birmingham
broker.
“Yesterday's quotation of 9 cents for
spot cotton on a good middling basis was
the highest on record here for the past
six months, and the Indication Is that
tiie market will reach even higher levels
in tho near future despite the slight re
action felt at tills morning’s opening.
t\ idle it is true that the Liverpool mar
ket continues to drag somewhat, It seems
that tiie New York and New Orleans mar
kets have gained such a strong impetus
that all bearish Influences will eventually
be thrown off.
"I would not be at all surprised if the
local spot quotation reached 10 cents in
the near future, and In that even a most
advantageous effect will be felt in almost
every line of,industry in tills section of
the country.”
Quiet Day in Pollee Court
“That Judge Perry Turner’s idea of
running the Birmingham police court
upon the golden rule plan is proving
a great success was evidenced by the
fact that only 18 cases came up be
fore him today," said a man who keeps
in touch with the courts. "His pollyy,
since taking the position of municipal
judge, has been one of tempering mercy
with justice and thus far it has worked
admirably.
“A great number or Birmingham cit
izens believe Birmingham to be ono
of tlie worst towns In the country for
its size, but a glance at the police
docket for the past few months will
disprove tills. It can be readily un
derstood that where there in a thriv
ing community of nearly 200,000 there
must be a certain amount of crime
at all times, but in so far as the po
lice court is concerned crime is on a
decrease in Birmingham instead of
getting worse.
"Of all the places where one can
study human nature, the police court
ia in a class by itself, the work Is
highly interesting at all times and
there Is always a chance of doing some
poor unfortunate good. It secnlS as
though exorbitant fines, In most cases,
rather makes the offender more likely
to appear In court again than to di
minish his chance of a return visit,
that is in most misdemeanor eases,
and it seems as though this especially
is true when applied to the fines of
the numerous unfortunate women who
come before Judge ' Turner so often.
"Taking it all in all, Judge Tur
ner has certainly gotten much better
results than did his predecessors and a
gread deal of It may be attributed to
the golden rule."
CANOEING IN THE HA IN
From Outing.
I have used tiie same provision-sack
for over 12 years—an oblong affair of
heavy duck, with top flapping over to
buckle twice in front, and with shoulder
strap behind. I am not able, therefore to
discuss the merits ot any other bag. Here,
again, It is not the kind of bag that
counts so much as the method of hand
ling it; but in a bag of this kind surely
things are always more get-at-able. With
any kind the cook for the day should de
cide at the morning packing what he
will use for lunch, and perhaps dinner,
and place these' near the top, sb that if
he meets a rainy lunch all his stuff is
easily available and under cover; and al
ways there should be placed at the bot
tom of Jills kind of bag articles that will
take nd harm from a wetting—ham, po
tatoes. certain dried fruits, some canned
goods—but never the latter where tticy
will press the buck in portaging.
Having unspollable goods at the bot
tom, though is not enough; one docs not
like to get *ven these wet. lienee It is
well to put in the dvno* prosswlse under
this bag pieces of pules about two and
one-half Inches thick
. 1
The Sunday School Teacher—"What
great man said. 'Let us have Peace'?"
Scholar—“Patrick Henry.”
Teacher (wearily)—"Ridiculous! No
man by the name of Patrick ever said
anything like that.”
Everywhere you hear almost affec
tionate praise of the British soldier.
France has taken Tommy Atkins to its
heart Tho porter who carries your bag
from the railway station tells you that
his son In the artillery says the British
soldiers are "splendid.”
France cannot understand why a
great country like Great Britain should
have so small an army. She wonders
why the English people avoid the ob
ligation of universal service. She is
eager to point out that if they had been
able at the beginning of the war to
send to the continent an army of 400,
000 or E00.000 men, the Bosches jvould
now be beyond the Rhine. But France
criticizes with reticeence and admira
ble humor. She is far more eager to
appreciate and to praise.
A doctor friend of mine, who lias been
in France with the R. A. M. C. since
the early stages of the war, tells tho
interesting inside history of his 10 days’
leave from the front. He was busily at
work one day in a stationary hospital,
when an orderly informed him that a
young officer had Just driven up in a
motor car and wanted a surgeon to
come and see a wounded German of
ficer who had just been brought in.
In due course he accompanied the young
officer in his car and attended to the
wounded German. On the return Jour
ney, during conversation, the question
of leave cropped up. He said that he
had been rather unlucky in having had
nBne since he came out in September.
On returning to the hospital he was met
by the officer commanding, who asked:
"Well—and how did you enjoy your
trip with the Prince?" Then, as he
seemed speechless with astonishment,
lie added, laughing heartily: "It seems
that you’ve been for a motor drive with
the Prince of Wales without ever re
alizing it!" Tile sequel came the next
day, when the doctor man was told that
"by special request lie had been granted
10 days' leave, to start immediately."
A little incident in tile London post
otflce yesterday shows how ready peo
ple are to do Jack a good turn. A mer
ry-looking sailor home on leave pre
sented ids savings book and asked that
£3 should be handed to him,” said the
man behind the counter, “the rules
don't allow a sum of more than £1 to
be withdrawn without notice. You can
have tlie rest in a few days." Jack's
face fell, and he explained that he had
only 48 hours’ leave, and wanted the
money to take out ills mother and his
sweetheart. Jack, very disconsolate,
prepared to go away. But just then an
old man who had watched the scene
siepped forward and said to him.
"Would you let me be your banker for
a day or two? Take the pound they'll
give you, and I'll lend you two more.
You can pay me when you like.” Jack
hesitated a moment, looked very much
embarrassed and very grateful, and
took the money.
As you walk through the Magasin
du Louvre you notice that all the as
sistants aro women or quite old men.
Women are carving the joints in the
butchers' shops and serving in the
chemists' shops. In the Boulevard quar
ter one In every three shops Is shut
altogether, and the same thing Is true
in the poorer quarters and in the side
streets.
"Closed on account of mobilization."
Is the most common notification.
"Closed because the proprietor has
Joined the army,” "Closed because the
partners and the employes are at the
front," "Closed until the end of the
war" are also very general.
Tm the shutters of one establishment
in the Rue St. Honore is the announce
ment: “This edS'entlally French house
is shut. The proprietor is an old volun
teer of 1870. Three of his sons and two
sons-ityaw are at the front. Long live
France."
Another notice reads: "All the part
ners and the assftants and most of the
customers of this establishment having
Joined their regiments, it will not be
opened again until peace Is declared.”
A large number of Paris offices aro
only open for two or three hours a
day, and all the banks, including the
central Credit Lyonnais on tho Boyle
vards, shut their doors altogether from
13 o’clock to 1:30. Their staffs have been
so reduced by the mobilization that the
remaining clerks havo to lunch at tho
same time and the machinery of the
business comes to a temporary halt.
Baltimore Sun: Sir Thomas Lipton,
who has shown by risking his life in
Servia tliRt he is as "dead game" a
sport in war as in peace, has rendered
a fine humanitarian service by his
careful investigation of conditions in
that country. Servia, In his opinion,
must be purified of the plague as Lon
don was by fire, and houses and cloth
ing must be destroyed wherever they
have become infected, which means
over a wide stretch of territory. We
do not know whether Servia is behind
the times in medical skill and scien
tific sanitation, and the prevalence of
the present epidemic does not prove
that she is, because the events that
have occurred there during the last
few months were -enough to disorgan
ize the mOBt efficient system and to
open the door to any form of disease.
It is evident, however, that ahe is un
able to cope with the present situation
and that help from without must be ex
tended to her liberally and quickly.
American doctors and Red Cross nurses
aire already on the scene and seem to
be doing the greater part of the work,
but they need strong reinforcement*
and it Js to be hoped they will be
speedily sent. And while we are send
ing them might it not be a good idea
to put our relief force in command of
some sanitarian of high rank who
would perform for Servia, with Servia’s
permission, the same lynd of service
we have done in Cuba and Panama?
War has left the germs of disease there
and In the weakened condition of the
general health they may remain &
source of danger a long time, ready to
break out into fresh activity, unless
Servia is thoroughly cleaned up and
put on a sanitary basis. We are feed
ing Belgium. Why not heal Servia and
help her to establish a sanitary sys
tem that will protect her In future?
Louisville Herald: Why is Austria—of
ficially Austria-Hungary—ineffective? How
NEWSPAPER CLUB STORIES
I-eon Friedman tells this one:
Dick Eggleston is one of the most gen
erous members of the club, but he has an
idiosyncrasy of kidding his friends about
‘setting them up.’ The other night In the
cafe he came in, looked around, and pro
ceeded to ask two or three of the boys
he knew well: 'How about a cigar?’ or
‘Who's going to buy the drinks?’ A visi
tor from New York was sitting close to
me and he leaned over and asked stfto
voce: ’Who is that? The house qian?’ ”
Here Is an amusing little story which
was told by a well known physician the
other evening when reference was made
to the wisdom of keeping on the safe
side.
"X haven't always lived in big Bir
mingham, and in the little town I came
from I was evidently considered some
scorcher when it came to tearing up the
turnpike in an automobile. One afternoon
the telephone rang in my office.
“ ’Doctor,’ said the soft voice of a wom
an at the other end of the wire, ‘are you
going out In your automobile this after
noon?’
“ 'Why, no,’ was my wondering re
sponse; ‘that is, not until well toward
evening. Why do you wish to know7'
” ‘I want to send my little daughter
down to the store for some thread,’ was
the startling rejoinder of the soft voice,
‘and not wanting her to get hit I thought
it best to call you up and be on ttle saf«a,
side.’ ” IP
One of the lads' '‘members'’ of the News
paper club related this:
“A little negro girl one day went to a
lady’s house and asked for emplos'ment as
a nurse. 8he appeared satisfactory, al
though she was very young, but she
would at least do for a'playmate for the
babv*. Tho lads’ said:
“ ‘By the way, what is s our name?”
” 'Fertilizer,’ was the refcly.
“ ‘Who in the world ever gave sou such
a name?’
" ‘Mali mo.mmy.’
“ ‘What for?’
M,‘Ah dunno.’
“ ‘Well, you tell your mother to come to
see me tomorrow,’ the employer said.
‘I want to know something about that
name.*
‘‘The next day the mother waddled up
with the little nurse and the first ques
tion she was confronted with was:
“ ‘What is this child’s real name?’
“ ‘Fertilizer, ma’am.’
“ 'Well, please explain why you ever
gave her such a name?’
“ ‘Hit's disaway,' she said, 'Me and mah
man both wanted our child named after
us. He’s named Ferdinand and I’m
l amed Eliza. So we took Ferd from his
name and Liza from mine and called our
chile “Fertilizer.”
“THE QUIET LIFE”
J. Albeit Pierce In the Forum.
TWO street musicians, a young girl
singing In a penetrating but unde
veloped voice and a woman with a
guitar, represent to me my last tangible
idea of music. The song was from “The
Bohemian Girl,” and even now I can
visualize the scene and the song. I can
see the women as they stood that night
beneath their smoky gasoline torch, I can
hear the elder's ill-tuned guitar, and I
can hear as plainly as if It had happened
last evening the voice of the girl, trem
bling and iften breaking on the high
notes of what Is to me the most wonder
ful song ever sung. A month later I
lost every vestige of my hearing.
Vou tan close your eyes and imagine
yourselves as blind, but you cannot shut
out sound from your ears so entirely that
you are ube to grasp the meaning of a
lire without sound or anything resembling
sound- the quiet life.
They say that Beethoven created his
greatest masterpieces after he had be
come deaf. I can well believe it. No
one can really understand music as well
or appreciate it as fully as he who can
not hear It. It Is the absence and not
the possession of it that is vital to him.
He does not hear music, he knows not of
it, 1 lie heart hunger for it, gives him the
power to create mental music from poems
and printed songs and to see a harmony
in the ipu idents of his dally life.
It Is not to the man or woman with
opportunities every day to absorb musical
pounds, not to him satiated with the priv
ileges of an undefectlve body, that the full
appreciation comes; it is to him who car
ries about in his mind the visualization
of some once heard song, or who can
make his own mental melody, that music
roaches its highest degree of enjoyment.
Beethoven, the unlioarjng. filled with a
passion for it and unable to gratify It
through his cars, heard music with his
soul. Being able to give it form and ex
pression. ho passed it as a heritage to his
fellowmen.
In Kipling's “The Light That Failed,”
we find Dick telling his friend Torpen
how to “take him away” because the
sweeping, blood-stirring lilt of the mili
tary band as it played “He must be a man
of decent height, he must be a man of
weight," reminded him altogether too
forcibly of what he had once been. This is
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could she well be other with the widely
divergent desires and the conflicting po
litical aspirations of the races that go to
make up the empire?
We read that, when they had about
come to their last crust, at Przemysl, the
commandant called the people together
and thanked the various nationalities for
their loyalty to the Hapsburg, as well as
for their courage and endurance. That,
surely, is typical. It could hardly hap
pen in quite the same way anywhere in
Europe outside the dual monarchy. We
read, further, that the greater part of
the civilians were Jews and we are re
minded that there are not far short of
1,000,000 of that faith in this crownland
that, until the partition about a century
back, was part of the kingdom of Po
land. For the most part they congregate
In the cities—Cracow, Lemberg, Brody
and others of less import.
With nearly 50,000,000 inhabitants, not
more than 12,000,000 are of Teutonic stock.
These, for the most part, are in Vienna
and in the provinces that lie to the west
and along the borders of Bavaria and
Switzerland. North of them, ill Bohemia,
are nearly 7,000,000 Czechs; down in the
little triangle of the Tyrol, between Lom
bardy and Venetia, are less than 1,000,
000 Italians. There are nearly as many
Magyars in Hungary as there are Ger
mans around the Kalserstadt of Wien.
There are more Serbs than In Sewla; as
many Roumanians as In Roumanla; and,
besides, In great numbers, Poles, Slovaks
and Russians of the Ruthenian variety.
For the most part each of these races
clings tenaciously to Its own tongue. Its
own costume, and its own customs. In
the army they must frequently be kept
apart. In the deliberative assemblies at
Vienna they debate In their own speech
producing a contusion that, not so long
ago, was solved by adopting Latin as the
common medium.
The veteran Emperor Is popular with all
races, though not with all sections, his
uncompromisingly aristocratic leanings
offending that growing socialist parts
that, more than once In recent years, has
sought expression In violent and danger
ous outbreaks. His wars; frequent in the
earlier days of his long reign, have rare
ly been successful, and his gains have
been won principally in the fields of diplo
macy. •
The speculation aa to what might hap
pen when at length he should go to Join
hla fathers In Bt. Stephen’s church has
been one of the favorite pastimes of
those who believe that empires fall apart,
with or without external encouragement,
that do not respond to the needs and the
dreams of the smaller nationalities.
Cleveland Plain Dealer: The war news
affords a variety of material for thought
less American humorists. “Przemysl” lfas
been captured, but It was worked to death
by Jokeamltlis long ere it fell. The Anglo
Saxon humorist thinks that any word he
can’t pronounce is funny.
The withers of the Anglo-Saxon are
not unwrung, however. Most “foreign”
languages are spelled as pFonounced, and
vice versa. Any Galician peasant can pro
nounce “Prseamysl.” Speak the name at
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visualization, though not of the deaf
man’s variety. Dick heard the music and
visualized the movements of the soldljrs
a deaf Dick would have seen, the aoldjk:
and visualized the music; and each woflM,
have had as lucid an impresson as ir
neither had been defective. Kipling, in
the same paragraph, characterizes this lit
tle musical ballad as a "perfect quick
step." To those people who can hear, but
who never have heard, these particular
words set to music, they surely mean
something. Mental music can certainly
be found in them, visualized. Jujt think
for a moment of their effect upon a deaf
man with a musical Instinct! To me, at
least, this is the* best part of "The Light
That Failed." It represents to me somc^
tiling very personal. * 1
So you set*, the deaf man’s life is not al
together a quiet one, after all. This men
tal appreciation to him is sound; souud
as satisfying as the actual sensation
would be to you. The crash of thunder,
the rattling of heavy wheels over a pave
ment and even the "feel" of a stick on a
picket fence are "sounds." * * *
To the deaf, some of the things the /
hearing man does are merely an odd con- \
glomeration of unconventional ideas. To
the abnormal tlie normal are abnormal,
just as the normal believe the abnormal
a little queer.
I do not mean that the dpaf reason
differently or disapprove of life as it is.
I do not mean to imply that there is any
radical difference between these two
classes of people, it is just that the quiet
life scums to nourish a certain fatalism,
a well defined trust in a future that has
already been planned in the past. Charles
Miller expressed very accurately the deaf
man's ideas of life and the meaning of
life without having thought of these peo
ple at all when he wrote:
Life Is a game of whist; from unseen
sources
The cards are shuffled and the hands
are dealt.
Blind our efforts to control the forces
That, though unseen, are no less strong
ly felt.
I do not like the way the cards are shuf
iled,
ifut siill I like the game and want to
pay.
Tnus thiough the long, long night will
1, umi.ffled.
riay what I get until the break of day.
.%¥
any European town to a peasant of that
district, and he can spell It, even though
he never saw it In print. The laugh is
not on the foreigner—it la on the Ameri
can or the Englishman, whose language
and orthography are so chaotic that they
actually cannot recognize phonetic spell
ing! There are societies and clubs and
schools for the promotion of simplified
orthography In English speaking lands—
we laugh at them as “freak” Institutions, 1
being secure in the superstitious vep-rf
eration of our own traditional illogic. ^
But, going hack to place names, one
finds that even when we discard discus
sions as to spelling and pronunciation, we
are still unoriginal, in virgin lands we
have been content to plaster borrowed ti
tles on new born villages. A man who
comes from Newport calls his new home
New Newport. A community starts south
of the original settlement, and,it is called v
South New Newport, while the first col
lection of houses Is known as Old New
Newport. The Indians may have had a
poetical name for McBillingsvllle and its
environs—we don't use the aboriginal
nomenclature because It is outlandish.
When New' York was settled (and why
should the Empire state have been named
after a sleepy English cathedral town?)
and thriving communities arosejn its fer
tile acres, why could those communi
ties have not received names that were
racy of the soil? Why are the cities j
called Rome, Syracuse, Troy, Utica andJ
so on all the way through the classical
dictionary? Let us be thankful thalf
Schenectady and such original spots red
fused to he hromldic; that Peru, Ind.J
Mexico, Mo.; New' London, Wis., and St.
Petersburg, Pa., ate offset by Kokomo
and Killikinnik and Oskaioosa and Cana
Joharie and Hogwallow.
And let no one laugh at Frzemysl wlilW
lie askS "foreigners" to pronounce Moosa
tockmaguntic as it Is said In Maine, or
Plqua, O., as this town Is pronounced-by
Inhabitants.
WOULD BAR WOMEN SMOKERS
From the San Francisco Chronicle. |
Seattle.—Charlotte F. Jones, prominent J
club woman, threatens to bring suit
against restaurants and cafeterias In
Seattle where smoking is allowed unless
a bill is passed by the city council com
pelling the downtown diner to forego the
soothing weed and cigarette.
She declares other club women are
backing her.
The bill allows restaurant proprietors
to install smoking rooms adjoining the
dining rooms, but they must be inclosed j
by four walls, and the door connecting
with the' restaurant proper "must al
ways be kept closed." , |
MAJOR AND MINOR
George William Curtis, in the Kansas
City Times.
A bird sang sweet,and strong f
In the top of the highest tree;
He sang, "I pour out my soul in song
For the Summer that spon shall be."
But .djjep in the shady wood
Another bird sang, "I pour I
My soul on the solemn solitude
For, the Swings that return no, wore.”
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