The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], June 01, 1915, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. W. BAHKETT.Editor ^
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala., ■
fustoffice as second class matter un
der act of Congress March 3, 1&'<9.
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald... .$8.10
Daily and Sunday, per month.... «U|
Daily and Sunday, three months.. 2.»>0 ;
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum.. .B3 ;
Sunday Age-Herald . 2.U0
^ D. Griffis, U. K. Young anu
W. D. Brumbeloe are the only author
ized traveling representatives of The
Age-Herald in its circulation depart
ment
No communication will be published
without its author's name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned un
less stamps are enclosed for that pur
pose.
Remittances can be made at current
tate of exchange. The Age-Herald will.
Hot be responsible for money sent
through the mails. Address,
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham. Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street.
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office, Rooms 48 to
BO, inclusive. Tribune building. New
1 ork city; western business office.
Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exchange connecting all
departments) Main 41MM).
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good la oft Interred with their
honea.
ho let It he with Cneanr.
—.Inlliia Caesar.
BEGINNING THE day—My
Father, I need wisdom today. More
and more I feel (hat I know not.
A hundred voices call, a hundred
paths Invite. Which shall I chouse
umld so many f How shall I know
the best f How shall I make my
time and my strength weigh the
moatf O God. I come to Thee* guide
n»e. For ClirlsC* sake. Amen.—II.
M. K.
- —-1
Modern Surgery
With their characteristic thorough
ness the Germans have set themselves
to the task of saving every wounded
soldier sent back from the front who
is not beyond their aid. They are ac
complishing wonderful results and
thousands of disabled soldiers are
soon restored to health and sent back
to the firing line, who might have
perished miserably, were it not for the
scientific management of German
hospital work.
There is no neglect of the wounded.
From the time a man is hurt on the
battlefield until he is installed in a
hospital, perhaps far away from the
scene of his injury, all that could
possibly be done for him before he
reaches the hospital has been accom
plished by skilled hands and when he
reaches his destination competent
surgeons, who specialize in the kind
of wound he has received, begin the
final work of healing. Instead of being
the most common operation in war
surgery, amputation is not practiced
now, except as the last resort. Anti
septic treatment has so minimized the
danger of infection that the most des
perately wounded soldiers are saved
and dismissed from the hospitals with
their full complement of limbs.
Not only are German surgeons do
ing splendid work, but American,
French, English and Austrian sur
geons are every day performing re
markable operations. Recently an op
eration was performed by Prof. Albert
Tietze on a soldier who had a serious
wound in his head. After a large frag
ment of shell had been removed the
X-rays showed that a small piece of
shell remained. Professor Tietze said
this particle could not safely be left
in the skull because it might become
dislodged in future years and cause
instant death.
It was suggested that a magnet be
used to draw out the splinter. There
was no instrument of the sort availa
ble, but engineers of the telegraphic
division soon made an electromagnet.
A motor, formerly used for running
a threshing machine, and a dynamo
were requisitioned. The physician took
an iron wand, highly polished, and
connected it with a coil. The wand
was inserted in the soldier’s skull and
the fragment of shell was easily
withdrawn as it clung to the end of
the iron.
Fashion in Farming
“Back to the land” no longer means
back to the simple life.
Time was when the farmer went
about his daily toil clad in blue jeans
and hickory shirt. His wife was com
fortable in a calico Mother Hubbard,
while the youngsters went barefoot
from May until October.
Old Brindle and Bell, out in the
pasture lot, dreamed away the sum
mer hours, contentedly chewing their
cuds, as they rested in the shade of
the old elm tree.
Now a metamorphosis has taken
place in farm life. The change has
swept across the entire country, and
"model farms” are no longer located
exclusively “i the old farming dis
tricts of the cast.
Recently press wires carried a
news item from Douglas, Ariz., de
scribing a new county dairy farm. The
item read as follows:
“The cows will be milked in a ceiled
room, floored with concrete and lined
with fly traps. The cows will be cov
ered with white canvas at milking
time, so only the udders will be ex
The cow’s tail will be tied down
i
to keep it from getting in the milk |
bucket or the milk man's eye. Bossy
will be unable to switch flies, but the
oretically, there will be no flies to
switch. The fly traps will have taken
care of them,
“So much for the low. The milker
will be dressed in spotless white duck
coat and trousers and white shirt—
soft collar—when he does his duty
night and morning."
Shades of Old Brindle and Bell!
This is carrying things too far—for
what joy can there be to the cow at
milking time, if deprived of the privi
lege of energetically switching the
milker’s face. An old fashioned cow
w'ho used to see herself in the clear
water of the brook from which she
drank, would never know herself
dressed in crisp white canvas coat!
These newfangled notions are
enough to make a cow of "the old
school*' who has any spirit, raise her
manicured foot and kick over the milk
ing machine!
And glancing over the description
of the matty costume of Bossy’s
valet—doesn’t it sound like the uni
form of a West Point cadet on dress
parade ?
Surely the farm is no place on which
to seek the old fashioned, simple life.
Increasing Interest in Education
The commencement season for the
schools and colleges of Alabama is
fast drawing to a close. Exceptional
interest has centered in the institu
tions of learning this year and the
commencement exercises have in
cluded baccalaureate sermons and
alumni orations, many of which were
not only brilliant intellectual efforts,
but singularly gripping.
With scarcely an exception the col
leges and universities of the south
have made steady progress during the
past five years, and in no southern
state has there been more marked ex
pansion in technical education than in
Alabama. Many handsome buildings
have been erected, faculties have been
enlarged and otherwise strengthened,
and the student bodies have greatly
increased numerically. As a rule the
individual student has manifested
even a keener desire for knowledge
than ever before.
Commencement day scenes last
week and the week before were full J
of inspiration. So it is at the Uni
versity of Alabama this week, and so
it will be at the Polytechnic institute
at Auburn next week.
While Alabama has occupied a high
place in the world of culture such as
comes from the college classroom and
college atmosphere, it is as a whole
one of the most illiterate of states.
The large percentage of men and
women in Alabama who cannot read
is, indeed, appalling. But this dis
tressing condition will not be toler
ated longer. The edueational forces
of Alabama are now thoroughly
aroused to the importance of remov
ing illiteracy. The state superinten
denA)f education is doing telling work,
the Alabama Educational association
is co-operating effectively and the
newly created illiteracy commission,
headed by Ex-Gov. William D. Jelks,
is already making itself felt.
Next Monday, dune 7, is to be
illiteracy day in Alabama by proclam- (
ation of Governor Henderson. There
should be general school rallies in
every county, and the college gradu
ate, full of enthusiasm, could not oc
cupy his time better than by taking
i part actively in the illiteracy day
exercises._ j
Silence Reigns
Silence is golden in Bayonne, N. J.
There has, at least, been a golden
silence about daybreak since a silencer
has been invented and applied to the
roosters that formerly crew in the
morn.
Frank Greene, poultryman of Bay- 1
onne, according to newspaper reports,
is the inventor of a device which in- i
sures peaceful morning slumbers for
his neighbors. There has been con
siderable corrtplaint about the morn
ing vocal exercise in Mr. Greene’s
poultry houses, and the versatile poul
tryman set his wits to work. He
evolved a little chamois skin cap which
he fastens over the beak of the roos
ter.
The first silencer was tried out on a
lusty-voiced Plymouth Rock. The next
morning the rooster was not to be
found, and indeed it did not show up
at feeding time. Finally in humiliated
silence the bird crept out of its hiding
place and permitted the poultryman
to remove the silencer.
Satified with the success of his de
vice, Mr. Greene now adorns all the
roosters of his flock with the device.
The hens, however, are exempt from
the rule of silence, as it is feared any
curtailment of their vocal activities
would have a bad effect upon their
more sensitive dispositions, and they
might lose interest in their work of
egg laying.
A neighbor of Mr. Greene’s is au
thority for the statement that so ac
customed have the roosters become to
the silencers that every evening at
sundown they approach the back door
of the Greene home, carrying their
silencers in their beaks!
■ —1 .r:. —. : 1.. zzz. 9
Alton, 111., has prohibited Kelly pool.
That * a fine town in which to culti
vate a stiff backbone
Great quantities of paper “bullets’
have been made in Switzerland to over
come a shortage of fuel. The Swiss are
feeling the effects of the war in IiTu
rope as much, perhaps, as any other
neutral nation. Last autumn when the
price of fuel rose, a citizen of Geneva
invented paper “bullets," which are
cheap, throw off a surprising amount
of heat and burn for a long time. This
novel fuel is easily made. Paper of or
dinary quality Is soaked in water un
til it becomes a paste. It is then
pressed and shaped by hand into balls,
which are dried in the sun or merely
ill the open air. After having found
that the discovery was practical local
committees were formed to manufac
ture paper bullets on a large scale. A
garage was turned over to the work
ers by one man. Another offered a
workshop, while tubs, baskets, chairs
and drying apparatus were freely of
fered by families. A huge army of
volunteers donated their services.
Large quantles of paper are received
daily, but expensive thick or glazed* pa
per cannot be used as the balls are
not a success unless first reduced to
paste. As many as 800 paper bullets
have been made in one shop in a day.
Local committees sell this fuel to needy
families at a low price.
Thorpe, the famous Indian athlet?.
has been unable to master the paleface
game of baseball and has been rele
gated to a minor league team. Unhap
pily, he was not born with a “batting
eye.”
“Mellfsh comet is broken up—--reason
u :Known," announce astronomers. May
be it felt hurt because the world Is
too intent upon its own troubles to
pay proper attention to it.
England would doubtless be better
off if Ivord Kitchener and Lord North
cliffe could settle their differences ac
cording to Marquis of Queensbury
rules.
_ _
Perhaps Bulgaria is also waiting for
the psychological moment, by which
is meant the moment when she is of
fered her price for entering the War
The report that Vice President Mar
shall refused to drink grape juice
was probably started for the base pur
pose of discrediting Secretary Bryan.
If Charles Becker decides to “peach’
at the last moment, the best he can
hope for is life imprisonment. Still,
Sing Sing offers many advantages.
Americans were the pioneers in build
ing submarines and aeroplanes, but
they have dropped behind other nations
in developing these useful craft.
The newspapers applaud an Ohio hen
that hatched nine chicks from 10 egg3.
A hen like that should have a fine
contempt for an incubator.
Denver high society has abandoned
pink teas for beefsteak fries. Enter
tainment seems to be becoming more
extravagant all the time.
The European brand of diplomacy hay
proved such a failure here of late that
saving what one thinks may come into
favor among nations.
It has been asserted that American
money is not artistic. Yet there are
times when a filthy, crumpled dollar
bill seems beautiful.
The Pere Marquette railroad will be
sold at auction to satisfy debts amount
ing to $88,000,000. Don’t everybody bit
at once.
Reports from Germany confirm the
adoption of Shakespeare by the Teu
tons, who claim him by right of dis
covery.
vest hands does not awaken the least
sympathy in the heart of the speeding
hobo.
Y. R. says women are as fit to vote
as men, but as peace propagandists
he seems to think they have their fail
ings.
If the Gormans really torpedoed the
Nebraskan they showed how little they
fear being held to “strict accountabil
ity.**
Ross Barnes will have to be given
ci edit for not openly questioning the
mental calibre of Syracuse jurymen.
The familiar line on theatre pro
grammes, “Charles Frohman presents
-will continue to appear.
LUKE M'LIKK SAYS
Prom the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Some girls seem to imagine that a
stylish dresser is one w ho never wears
the same complexion twice.
We may be ornery, but we wonder
where Ma Sunday was when Billy
Sunday discovered that the girls are
not wearing petticoats any more.
Fair warning: If, when the women
do get a vote, they vote to take our
nose paint away from us. maybe wre
can dig up enough voteH to take their
nose powder away from them.
Somehow or other the old-fashioned
baby who never saw a bottle until he
was 18 months old grew up to he as
big a boozer as the modern infant who
begins drinking out of a bottle w lieu
he is 18 minutes old.
When he is 8 years old it takes him
eight seconds to tie a girl s shoe lace
When he is 18 years old it takes him
about eight minutes to tie a girl's shoe
lace.
Men pretend that they are not vain.
But if a letter came to the postoffkn
addressed to the handsomest man in
town every man in town knows that
the postmaster would send It to him
A manicure girl can put a fence un
der her table to protect her knees and
still get a few' customers. But if she
wears rubber gloves when she Is work
ing she is liable to starve to death.
A man doesn't mind being raided
when he is attending a prize fight. Rut
he certainly would hate to be caught
attending a prohibition rally.
The reason why a girl will save up
for three months to get a silk com
1 ination is because she would hpv * a
fit if she thought you knew she was
wearing it.
When a thin man w'ho is about one
foot wide gets up in a crowded street
car and gives h!s seat to a corn f» d
Firl with a four-foot beam, the two
im n who are sitting on cither side of
the one-foot space left by the man
who got up never seem very anxious
to shove over and make more room,
and they hever complain about the girl
being hea\w.
V; ^
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
A» Qiifeil San It
"The stirring description of thp Confed
erate Veterans' parade in Richmond al
the reuinon of 1907, found in Harrison's
widely read novel, ‘Queed,’ was true to
life," said a member of Birmingham s Vir
ginia colony, who attended the reunion
of that year.
"I can see that splendid column of vet
erans now, about 28,000 strong, moving up
Franklin street. The novelist viewed it
from Franklin, between Eighth and Ninth
streets, or rather, he d^jcribes it to. Tne
large old brick hoarding house where so
many belles crowrded the front poich was
that kept by Mrs. Rawlev Coleston. known
and beloved by everybody In Richmond.
"The same moving scene will he. repro
duced in Richmond .this week, and the
tottering veterans will be few in number
as compared with those on parade elgnt
years ago. These reunions have more and
more their sad side."
Sign* of Coming Activity
"The indication now is that the build
ing trade Is taking on new activity in
Birmingham,” remarked Zac Smith, Jr.,
of the Zac Smith Stationery company.
"While I am not directly in touch with
the building situation here, I have
means of judging whether or not many
plans are under consideration. A num
ber of prominent architects purchase
their tools and supplies from my con
cern, and when making ready to draw
up extensive plans or specifications
there is always a rush to lay in large
quantities of these goods. Within the
past few weeks I. have noted that tne
leading architects of the city have been
especially liberal In their outlay for the
purchase of special blue print linen and
high qualities of ‘detail’ paper. ThJ
greater part of the supplies of this
nature, by the way, are manufactured
in Austria or Germany; but with the ex
ception of one or twro grades of pen
cils, there has as yet been no advance
in prices here. This I believe is ac
counted for by the fact that before the
beginning of the war large quantities
of this material had been accumulated
in American warehouses, and It will
probably be sometime before it is ex
hausted.
"To get back to the subject, there are
oilier signs without number of renewed
interest In development w'ork In the
Birmingham district. Dealers in build-,
ing materials report greatly improved
business, and new structures may be
seen in course of construction in all
parts of the community. Engineers are
Rlso beginning to buy needed supplies
from our establishment. All of this
preparation can only mean that people
with capital expect soon to let their
proposed undertakings take on ‘coji
ciete’ form"
I<cgnl Holidays in Alabama
"Next Thursday, June 3. Is the anni
versary of the birthday of Jefferson Da
vis, and is a legal holiday in Alabama
and several other southern states." re
marked an old citizen.
"Alabama has a few more leen holi
days, I believe, than most of the states.
We have one that no other state has—
Thomas Jefferson's birthday anniversary. 1
"I notice that the New York World Al
manac, which is accepted as good author
ity on everything, has Good Friday a
legal holiday in Alabama. That is a mis
take. Good Friday was at one time a
legal holiday, but the legislature before
the last—I think it was—dropped it out
and substituted the Thomas Jefferson hol
iday. Good Friday is observed by all the
liturgical church bodies and it should be
restored to the list of legal holidays ir
Alabama."
\ight in Venice at Kant I.akf
"’ understand that next Thursday
right is to he a brilliant one at Fast
l ake park," said Percy Clark.
"The features will include illumin
ated barges in procession, gondolas and
oome 30 boats filled wdth lovely girls
and gallant youths with a continuous
bombardment of the heavens with rock
ets and Homan candles. Fred Monta
barro has prepared some beautiful set
pieces, ‘The Tree of Liberty,’ stars and
wheels, Captain Seymour will make a
HO-foot dive. There will be music and
A Night in Venice.”
\t the Aewnpaper Club
"The Birmingham Newspaper club is
a great place in which to spend an en
joyable evening," remarked Dr. Howell
T. Heflin,
"Indeed, I know of no better place to
take a friend in order to show him a
good time. It is true that life at this
club might he considered by some peo
ple as rather luxurious; but everyone
likes a touch of the ‘high life’ now' and
then. This recalls a remark made by
my friend 'Bob’ Jelks the other night.
I had persuaded him to accompany me
as my guest at a supper at the cafe
on the roof of the Jefferson county
building. Mr. Jeiks, by the way, is a
brother of ex-Governor Jelks and is one
>f Birmingham's highly respected citi
zens. It seems, however, that this waa
his first visit to the club, and he was
somewhat taken aback at the prospect
of the trip to the height of the 25-stor.v
building; for when he had reached the
summit of the building and stood gazing
from the tiled platform at the brilliant
ly lighted streets which spread out be
low he said, ‘the high life of Birming
ham makes me dizzy.’ ”
The Cotton Situation
1 A prominent New Y'ork cotton brok
erage house in its Saturday review'
, s; \s in part:
"Heports from the belt during the
last 10 days or two, w'eeks have shown
such decided improvement that nil
ideas of a low condition report have
| hern abandoned and it is reasonable to
, exoect, in view of this climatic turn
for the better, that a condition of
around SO per cent or above will he
Indicated. As pointed out In previous
adviced, however, a June condition re
port is far from conclusive: In 1902
a crop of 10,768,000 bales was made on
a June condition of 81.5 per cent, while
in ’ 903, on a June condition of 95.1 pur
i cent, the yield amounted to only 10,
L 670,000 hales, the acreage in these two
y« ars being practically the same. Al
| though later on condition Will become
, a prominent factor, the serious con
sideration at this time is acreage and
in this connection fertilizer consump
1 lion, which unquestionably w’ill have a
material bearing on the final yield.
"A prominent authority of the south
, has recently made an interesting com
p Intion. He says that on a general
i average 140 pounds of lint cotton are
5 pioducecl per acre without the use ol
fertilizer. Fertilizer, he claims, adds 50
* per cent to production. This would
I mean, where fertilizer was used, 210
► pounds to the acre, or an increase of 70
P pounds. He contends that a decrease
1 of 40 per cent in the use of fertilizer
5 is indicated, which would mean a rc
[ c'uction in the yield of 14 per cent, and
this as far as the final yisld is son
\
i k
eerned, does not take into considera
tion acreage reduction which, he
claims, will he at least 12 per cent.
Bor the time being therefore the mar
ket will probably continue to be a
traders’ affair with moderate swings
hack and forth. There seems little
question, however, that prospective
supply and demand conditions would
suggest purchases on the declines
which may occur due to influences oth
er than growing conditions.”
WAR ECHOES
New York World: Considering the ef
fectiveness of German submarines in
British waters, why should not a Brit
ish submarine appear now and then at
Cuxhaven or Kiel, and if not there, at
Heligoland? Thousands of British offi
cers and sailors have been sent to
death in this war without firing a -hot
or taking a chance. One-tenth of their
r umber used in desperate adventures
such as Germany is encouraging would
have produced results. Even If the Brit
ish navy is operating on the theories
of Drake and Nelson, it seems to be
behind their times, for they took the
initiative occasionally.
Pittsburg Sun: A statement comes
from the American consul at Nurem
bc rg, Germany, which indicates that in
time of war Germany is preparing for
peace. It is announced that the Krupps
have just turned out a safe that is
ihe only genuine burglarproof affair
of its kind on the market, a statement
that the American manufacturers of
sates will most heartily deny and stand
ready to disprove. However, the Krupp
statement is to the effect that the now
safe is tho product of the Essen works
The steel from which it is made with
stands all attacks of all the tools thus
far known to the burglar fraternity.
1 ests were made by oxyacetylene
flame and on plates with a surface of
11x11 and a thickness of an inch and
a half. At one of them a hole nearly
an inch in diameter and less than an
inch and a half thick was burned, but
Hiis required the use of 476 gallons of
j«.cetylene and 534 gallons of oxygen.
To burn a hole large enough to admit
a hand required 2642 gallons of oxygen
and 2378 gallons of acetylene and oc
cupied more than six hours. The metal
is so hard that it cannot be bored and
so any required holes have to be made
at the Initial casting. It does not lose
its hardness by annealing and by rea
son'"of its tenacity will stand a cer
tain amount of bending.
ALABAMA PRESS
Florala News-Democrat: We should like
to call the attention of the legislature to
the success of the consolidated reboots
with free transportation In Mississippi
Let us have consolidated schools and com
pulsory education. These do not solve the
educational problem, hut because of their
merits they have wrought wonderful re
sults when tried.
Anniston Evening Star: We also favor
diversification for June brides. Thu prac
tice of all coming at once is liabl to cre
ate too largo a debtor class amoi g the
jeweler's patrons.
Selma Times: Mobile Is justly elated
Over the prospect of having a n:g ship
building plant located there. The probable
selection of Mobile for such an e iterpriae
will come as the result of Investigation
and study by long-headed business mi n
and will speak volumes for the city s su
perior availability and resources. A ship
building plant of the dimensions contem
plated. if established at this port, will very
probably be the forerunner of other desir
able Industries and lead to much substan
tial development for this section of the
south.
Pickens County Herald: When you want
any article of merchandise, buy it of a
reputable home dealer, that the profit may
remain to enrich the community. Send
your money abroad for what you cannot
purchase at home. Home talent, home
labor, home industry, home things to be
fostered, encouraged and patronized.
Troy Messenger: President W.lson is
agalnt hinting at Mexican Intervention.
He does not fancy the recent action of
the Mexicans in regard to taking food.
He also thinks all forms of government
there at present are unstable.
JUDGE GARV ON UNEMPLOYMENT
Elbert H. Gary In Harper's Magazine for
June.
General unemployment is deplorable, not
only because of the great suffering It
produces—and this phase cannot be too
jaften or too strongly emphasized—but
also because enforced idleness impairs the
productive capacity of a nation and de
pletes the general wealth. It is obvious
to me, as 1 believe it must be to every
practical thinker, that It Is far better to
carry men and women on the pay roll that:
on the relief roll. It is the highest advan
tage of society that Its working forces
shall be utilized as completely as possible.
No Inefficiency could be greater than to
leave honest and competent labor sub
ject to the humiliation of charitable relief.
Moreover, such members of a community
as are not self-supporting—whether
through their own fault or otherwise
must he supported by the public, and such
support of the nonproductive Individual
Is pure waste.
When suffering by reason of nonemploy
ment appears, there seems to be a feeling
on the part of the unemployed that the
city or other governmental administra
tion Is not only obligated to furnish, but is
possessed of the means of properly and
adequately furnishing relief, and com
plaints are made If there Is any delay or
failure In this respect. But It must be
realized that government officials cannot
create facilities for work outside of the
ordinary course of public business, or fur
nish pecuniary relief, for the obvious rea
son that no provisions have been estab
lished by law for these purposes. The
problem of unemployment Is essentially
one of business and of business manage
ment, and must be met by business states
manship through the normal channels of
business and economic organization.
GADSDEN TO BENEFIT
From the Gadsden Tlmes-News.
The erection of shipbuilding plants at
Mobile means that Gadsden steel and iron
will find another home market. Today
we can furnish sufficient raw steel to keep
a large plant going and more nails, baj'S,
rods and wire than a dozen could use.
There I* no question that a great ship
plant at Mobile will be of immense ad
vantage to both Gadsden and Birming
ham. Mobile Is to be congratulated. Wt
always thought that city should be the
largest and most Important in the jouth
It certainly ia beaded that way now.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES I
THE AGED MONOLOGIBT.
And still he strives the crowd to please
With ancient jest and time-worn wheeze,
And now and then a bit of song
To help his modest "turn" along
Upon his face a fleeting smile.
Although he’s wondering the while
If when he next comes to a pause,
There'll he faint ripples of applause.
Or that dead silence, tense and -hill,
Which dulls the brain and numbs thp wil'
And makes his poor, half-hearted qt ips
Fall drearily from twitching lips
STRICTLY BUSINESS.
"Ah, my friend!" said the pedant. "Go
ing out for a little piscatorial recreation?"
"Nope," answered the person addressed.
"I'm goin’ after my breakfast. There
ain’t no recreation In that fur ma an’
there certainly ain't goin' to be none fur
the fish I hope to ketch.”
SAFE ENOUGH.
When Noah sailed upon the Ark
He had a pleasant time, I ween.
Nor feared his boat would be the mark
For any German submarine.
THE NEIGHBORLY WAY.
"I understand you have moved into a
fashionable neighborhood.”
•'Yes,'' replied the self-made man. "It
was my wife's wish. I was contented
where we were."
"How do you find it?”
I don t suppose fashionable people do
such things, but I’ve been dying for
somebody to come over to our house and
borrow a cup of sugar, or a monkey
wrencfi or any little thing that might put
us on a more friendly footing."
A REAL SURPRISE.
"I was much Impressed by Professor
Diggers' discourse on Egyptology.'
"What seemed to strike you most forci
bly?”
The fact that I expected to fall asleep
and didn't."
NOT A BAD IDEA.
Midst war’s alarms
We still keen cool
And pin our faith
To the golden rule.
.....
AfSED TO IT. J
"I understand your friend Bofteds Is a
creature of fixed habits.”
That s true. Bofteds has been a com
muter for IX) years and if he fails to hang
on his favorite strap going home in the
evening it frets him so that ha has no
appetite for dinner.” '
A ROUGH ROUTE.
■ Did you find out what the steamship
fare la?”
1 "Yes; $64.80.’*
"Meals thrown in. of course?”
Aes, but not guaranteed to stay in.”
A HARD BARGAIN. i
"My dear,” said Mr. Jagson, ”1 wish you
could have a more detached interest in
hats.”
"What do you mean?" asked Mrs. Jag
son.
"Why, t wish you could enjoy looking at
a hat in a milliner s window without de
siring to possess it.”
"Well.” answered Mrs.-Jagson, sharply,
"when you reach the point where you can
enjoy reading the labels on bottles with
out any desire to sample their contents.
I'll change my attitude toward hats.” '
JUST A SUGGESTION.
The number of British battleships with
awe-inspiring names that have been suit
to the bottom affords food for thought.
Perhaps if they had heen named "G'ndys.”
"Evening Breeze” or something else equal
ly soft, they might have had a better
chance of staying on the surface
OUR GUESS.
It would be a dreadful calamity if E.
Uaruso were suddenly filled with a deter
mination to go to wnr and die for his
country. But, somehow, we have an idea
that Caruso will not leave the dear old
U. S. A. for any such purpose. N
SEATS FOR EVERYBODY
From the New York World.
The P. S. C. just sat and sat, and sat un
til. surprised,
It suddenly determined to have sitting
standardized. —Bunk Ballads.
UTR public service commission yes
terday settled the most important
question that ever had come before
it. It gave an official meaning to the
long used term* “A seat for every pas
senger.” Hereafter no one need go Into
the surface ears without knowing exactly
what this means. It means 17 and 7S-1X)
inches.
Under th^official resolution a stout pas
senger going south and a thin passenger
going north are. by the law of average,
if not by the laws of anatomy, entitled to
similar space on ear seats, provided there
is any space at all. And if there isn't any
space, measurements should be taken to
see whether it is the stout lady with a
bundle or the cross-legged man with the
package who is taking up too much
room.
It's all down in black and white—in the
commission files. It reads thus:
“Resolved, That the standard seating
space for each passenger to oe allowed
| on longitudinal seats in all street sur
face cars is hereby determined to be
j 17 and 78-100 running inches, and that the
seating capacity of said cars shall he
computed upon the basis of such determi
nation.”
Now, then, Mr. Complaining Strap
hanger, perhaps the reason you have not
had a seat in months is that you are not
up to standard—or down to standard.
Perhaps the displacement is greater than
it should be, and that Is the reason you
cannot entrain for a trip Harlem.
The P. S. C. has taken a lot of . icuble
on your account. And the altercations—
wow!
A stout efficiency engineer held out for
a 20-inch allowance, but a long, thin man
on the same staff pointed out that this
would reduce the seating capacity of the
newr subways about half. Then a stenog
rapher started to settle the dispute, but
thought better of it and it is now on a
reducing diet.* The trouble spread until
the commission forces threatened to he
divided between the lean and the fat.
Some feared the commission itself'might
get mixed up and Commissioner Woods
have a quarrel with Chairman McCall.
Joseph Johnson, head of the transit
bureau, settled the question 8')0 ways.
Ho eliminated the personal element by
taking it into account wholesale. He had
800 measuresments made. No, they were
not measurements of car seats. When
he had the 800 measurements he added
them up and struck an average. I
"The average gave us 17.78 inches,1 said
Mr. Johnson yesterday.
So that's settled. But what is going
to happen now'? Are the turn-stile3 at
somcf of the stations to be made a cer
tain width? Are the guards and con
ductors to carry measuring tapes. Is
there to be a court of arbitration,* and if
so, who will have the appointing power?
And what will happen if there are only
two standard seats left in a car and two
stout persons get on at the same time?
Then there is the question of fare, la
the thin man to ride for 3 cents, or is
the stout man to pay 8? Is the man who
gets thin ..worrying over the trains he is
going to miss at the Grand Central to
be entitled to a rebate? O
Anyway, there ought to be a great de
mand from intending passengers for ruler3
with the inches divided into hundredths.
Doubtless some persons will ask the
commission whether a tape measure isn’t
really better than one of the wooden
kind.
I - TOOTH BRUSH DRILL |
From the New York Times.
IN many public schools houses of the
city recently ip looked as if the rain
of the w'eek had turned into snow<
and fallen inside. There was a little row
dering of white all over the floors of the
classrooms. The air was pervaded with
a sweet odor, however, that made the
visitors sniff critically. They decided im
mediately that It was an odor most prev
alent in the bathroom. They were right,
for it came from tooth powder.
The 800,000 big and little children of
the city were celebrating Tooth Brush
Day, and some had more of the refine
ments of home than the board of educa
tion had planned. The dentifrice com
panies had seen to that. All t\te teachers
had been asked the number bt children
In their charge, and giant boves of tooth
powder w'ere sent to fthem. Each child
who took part in the tooth brush drill
had a tooth brush, water in a cup, and
tooth powder enough to take a package
home.
The children would like to have a drill
every day. It is better than gymnastics
or folk dances, for every one could do it,
even the babies in the kindergarten and
the little cripplded children. In Public
School 27, 213 West Forty-flrst street,
which is one of the model school* of the
city, 48 classes took part in the tooth brush
drill. There were about equal numbers
of boys and girls and three classes of
small cripples.
All the week tlie teachers had told the
children to be sure to bring new brushes
and cups, and about seven-eighths of the
had to sit in their seats as if they w'e»*n
suggested, but they were harder to £et
than a cup from mother's closet, and there
were all kinds of these—big coffee cups,
little coffee cups, and cups with mot
toes on the outside. Some of the small
boys thought It more manly ♦o bring
steins.
The children who didn't bring brushes
had t osit i ntheir seats as if they ware
being punished while the others drilled.
Some of the little girls got down on the
floor and made believe they were put
ting their desks in order, so that the
visitors would not see them. One boy in
the drill was also troubled at first. A
teacher noticed that he looked very much
ashamed and was trying to hide hta tooth
brush.
"What i* the matter with }he bn-1-'”’
•
\ , ,
asked the teacher, and when Johr.nit^B
Smith held it up shamefully everyonc^H
could see that it was not new but very^H
much worn. ^B
“Why, that is very nice, Johnnie,*’ snid^H
tiie teacher, "It shows that you have I'Cen^B
brushing your teeth before. ‘ Children,^®
why is Johnnnie's brush better t\an t hc^B
others?” jjjjjj
“Because it has been used,” unsweve<^B|
the children in unison* and Johuunii^B
Smith was the proudest boy in the loom. Bi
“Did you buy a new brush?” . sked a^B
visitor of one of the little girls. W&4
"No'in," answered the little gii!.
is my sister’s.” flAna
Used brushes may not have the hy^B
gienic significance that the board of ed<^B|
ucation desires, but by the second aunua^B
tooth brush day it is expected i. ut al^B
the hygienic truths w-ill have beei^H
learned.
There was a prescribed drill, the ♦. acheiMI
beginning with “Ready.” At the begin^B
ning of a count the children fell to. Thc^B
count, was one to sixteen, then “Dip.’^B
A count was given for each part of tli«^B
brushing. Prizes for the best tooth brusl^B
drillers will be given in the park today. B
RKRIKKU
From the St. Ixjuis Post-Dispatch. Illlf
He was deeply in love with his wtfa^B
! but awfully careless about money mat<^H
ters. He started away on a long buii-^fl
ness trip leaving her short of monev^H
and promised to send her a check—^B
which he forgot to do. The rent camc^B
due and she telegraphed. 3B
“Dead broke. Landlord irsistent^B
\yire me money.”
Her husband answered: 1BI
* Am short myself. Will send checJ^B
in few days. A thousand kisses.” 1811
Pkxasperated, his wife replied: fill
"Never mind money. I gave landlort^B
one of the kisses. He was more thai^B
satisfied.” . 9B
AT EVENTIDE jB|
By Herbert Trench. ^Bi
Sho comes not when poon is on th^B
roses— B
Too bright is day; illi
She comes not to the sail till it repost^Bl
From work and play. 1111
But when night is on the hills and th^H
great voices HB
, Roll in from sea; jflHj
Av starlight and by candelight an^B
dreamlight. HB
She calls to ms* HB