The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], August 05, 1915, Page 4, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. W. BAKHRTT.KriMat
Duienu «t i las uuuunibuiu, Ala.,
p^st office as second class matter uu~
4er act of Congress March 3. 18,y.
Daily ana dummy A*e-lieialu.
>ear . Iti.Oi
Daily witnoui Sunday . 4.'J4
Daily and aumuj, yer month.eu
uaily ana bUnuay, tniee months.. I.jO
Weekly Age-Herald, per annum.. .&0
bvnagj Abti'iit'i uiu, * auiium..
O. H. ioung, D. D. Grift it* and VV. D.
Brumbeloe ar« tne only autiiouzcd trav
eling; representatives of The Age-Tlerald
in in circulation department.
No communication will oe puuiijneu
s ilLoui its autnor s name, itsjeclvo
manuscript win not be leiurneu un
less stamps ale enclosed lor mil pur
pose. _
Remittances can bs mads at curreni
late oi eacnange. ins Age-Herald wii*
not be responsible ioi luouey sent
Lbrougn ms mans. Address.
ThL AGD-HHfULLD.
Aiirmingnam, Ala.
Washington bureau. SUi Hlbbs build
ing.
European bureau, f Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, LoQQoa
Eastern business office, Rooms 48 to
10, inclusive. Tribune building. New
1 ork city; western business onice,
Tribune building, Chicago. Tho 8. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
eign advertising.
TELEPHOKB
Bell (private exchaage conaectlag all
gepartaiVntsI Mala 4000.
Shut doors after yon: Fast bind, fast
find t
A proverb aerer stale In thrifty mind.
— Merchant of Venice.
BEGINMXG THE IMV — Last
night 1 followed a mountain trail.
It was dark, and I could not aee nay
way. I araanrd the gronnd to keep
the path and even felt with my
hands for Ita smoothness. Them I
cast nay eyes up. The opening la the
hushes and trees ahave the trail
was fairly visible, nad I thereby
followed my path with ease sad con
fidence. If 7ou are troubled about
7 our way todu7. look up.—II. M. E.
Motorboats vs. Submarines
What is declared to be England's
answer to the German submarine ts an
enormous fleet of motorboats which
wilt constantly patrol the war zone
about the British isles. Each will be
capable of making from SO to 60 miles
an hour and will he equipped with
two quick firing guns. It ts said that
within a few- months several thousand
motorboats will be in commission.
Orders have already been placed in
the United States for 500 of them, on
which work is far advanced. These
“sea wasps'' will lie from 60 to 80 feet
in length over all. They will be
driven by gas engines and the cost of
their construction will he comparative
ly low.
The ned- foes of the undersea boats
may prove quite formidable. Being
small in size and having high speed,
they will be practically immune from
submarine attacks, as they do not pre
sent, an easy target under any circum
stances and it would be impossible Jo
hit one while going at high speed
Another important factor in their
favor, which the British admiralty
doubtless reckoned on, is that a tor
pedo costs about $8000, and it would
be hardly worth while 1o launch an
expensive missile of that sort merely
to sink a motorboat. The ease with
which the boats can be handled and
the fact that they are also fitted with
•earcblights will enable them to guard
the sea lanes with great thoroughness,
and it is believed that a screen of such
craft formed about a liner will suc
cessfully prevent it from being at
tacked.
A submarine is compelled to come
to the top after it has traveled for a
certain distance under the water in
order to recharge ita storage batteries
by running oil or gasoline engines.
This requires It to remain on the sur
face about eight hours. A large fleet
of armed and speedy motorboats pa
trolling British waters will make It
extremely hazardous for a German sub
marine to recharge storage batteries.
And after the war the motorboats will
not be discarded, as they will be used
as fishing boats in the North sea.
State Fair and Live Stock
The Birmingham state fair has be
come a great educational Institution
and this year's exhibition will not only
be up to the usual high standard of ex
cellence but in its agricultural display
there will be greater variety than ever.
The success of the crop diversifica
tion mqvement in Alabama will have
practical demonstration at the fair,
and in live stock exhibits alone a re
markable advance will be in evidence.
Ten years ago the cattle breeding in
dustry in this part of the south was
almost a negligible quantity; but two
years ago it had assumed much Import
ance, and aince tick eradication, under
the direction of government experts,
has proved highly successful, Alabama
beef has become an important com
mercial asset.
In some counties cattle will exceed
In money value this yoar the total
value of all the other crops. In Dallas
there are now about 60,000 head, in
cluding calves. In several other
counties the "dipping” reports make a
large showing—not quite as large as
that of Dallas, hut from 50 to 75 per
cant greater than three years ago It
'is a backward county in the alfalfa
belt that does not report as many as
SO,000 head of cattle this year.
In no branch of husbandry has more j
enthusiasm been aroused than this of
cattle raising and what is being done
now will be increased manyfold with
in the next three or four years.
Every cattle grower will make an
exhibit at the fair, and as for hogs and
the grain crops, they will he in such
large display as to cause everyone
who takes an interest in farm products
to open their eyes in wonder.
While the management of the State
Fair association is giving especial at
tention to agricultural and industrial
exhibits, the amusement features are
to be exceptionally attractive. Large
crowds of visitors always attend the
fair, hut from present indications this
year's attendance will be a record
breaker.
The Weatherly Viaduct
At last the dangerous grade cross
ings on First avenue at the Sloss fur
naces have been eliminated. A via
duct nearly half a mile in length and
of splendid construction spans the
railroad tracks.
At each end the approach is of easy
grade and travel over the viaduct will
not only mean safety, hut it will he
a real luxury. And what a time
saver it wiil be!
The people who Hve in the eastern
end of the city, several miles from the
central district, and whose daily occu
pation is ‘‘in town,” can count to a
nicety on the street railway schedule,
whereas allowance, of many minutes
had to be made for nerve-wearing
waits at the crossings. With the com- ]
pletion of the viaduct all property ,
values are enhanced, and especially i
will property owners in Avondale, 1
Woodlawn and East Lake be directly 1
benefited.
This viaduct fittingly bears the 1
name of Weatherly, for it was Mr.
Commissioner Weatherly who made it
a live issue. After he had induced the (
railroads and the Sloss-Sheffield com- (
pany to agree to share in the expense (
of the work without resorting to the t
courts, many engineering details, some i
of them perplexing, had to be studied. <
Innumerable conferences between Mr. f
Weatherly and the representatives of 11
the various interests concerned had to 1
be held, all of which resulted in delay.
. . t
But the viaduct commissioner never
lost patience. He kept right on the (
job an \ when the formal dedica- f
tion of the viaduct takes place this ;
afternoon the people of Birmingham .
will with one accord sound his praise, i
All the grade crossings must £
eventually go, and now that we have
concrete evidence of what persever- <
ance on the part of the city will do s
in this respect the time should not be ‘
very far distant when the traffic along r
every thoroughfare will be unimpeded
by trains or switch engines. f
Let this 5th of August be some- i
thing of a gala day, for few events 1
could call for a more enthusiastic cele
bration than the opening of the
Weatherly viaduct.
■ i
Tricky Type <
Over in Arkansas a few days ago a
well known secret order had an In- i
stallation of a new chief by the name 1
of Watkins, who succeeded to the of- 1
flee by reason of the sudden death of
his predecessor, whereupon the edt- *
tor *f a local paper wrote a headline: r
“Watkins Takes Obligation" The
erudite printer set this headline so
that when it appeared in the paper It r
a
read: “Watkins Tends Alligators."
It so happened that Mr Watkins did
not have any alligators to "tenet," and
judging by the editorial apology which ,
that Arkansas editor madeV his next t
issue, Mr. Watkins was not especially
pleased with the manner in which the f
paper handled the report of his instal- ,
la tion. r
All of which brings to mind the fact
that type in the hands of the printer r
who works mechanically without hav- f
Ing his mind on the copy before him. is 1
likely to bring most ludicrous results.
For instance, a few years ago an 1
Omaha society editor in describing a '
“function” given in one of the ex
clusive homes of that city, w-rote: "The 1
participants were then regaled with
dainty ices, etc.” The compositor,
however, caused her to say: “The 1
<
party’s pants were repainted with
dirty ink.”
When the editor of the automobile (
section in an Amarillo, Tex., news
paper a few days ago wrote a head
i
line: "Carload of Buicks Coming,”
the typo set it to read: “Carload of
Bricks Coming.”
The late Edward Rosewater, editor
of the Omaha Bee, was exceptionally
critical, it is related, as to the nature
of every utterance entering into the
editorial page. Mr. Rosewater fre
quently wrote his own editorial lead
ers, despite the fact that it was his
practice to employ two or more high
salaried editorial writers.
Mr. Rosewater was detained from
the office (which was most usual, by
the office (which was most unusual, by
writers gave exceptionally vigorous
treatment to » local topic, and pending
\ • .
the arrival of Mr. Rosewater, the fore
man of the composing room demanded
editorial copy and got it The writer,
by way of precaution, penciled across
the top corner of the copy, just above
the caption! "Do not run this until
the old man reads it.”
By some mysterious chance “the
old man's” usually accurate eye failed
to catch the guide linp instruction and
the man who made up the forms also
overlooked it Consequently, the warn
ing, proper enough in the beginning,
but extremely laughable at the finish,
appeared as a part of the editorial.
At another time, when there was
keen rivalry between Omaha and Lin
coln, the main competition being be
tween the wholesale interests of the
respective cities, Mr. Rosewater
penned an editorial entitled, “Those
Lincoln Jobbers.” He was given to
vigorous language at all times and on
this occasion he almost exceeded his
own speed limit. Therefore, he roast
ed the Lincoln jobbers to a terra cotta
tint and the compositor added em
phasis by transforming the headline,
'Those Lincoln Jobbers,” into “Those
Lincoln Robbers.”
Verily, the ways of the printer man
ire often past understanding, and the
>ath of the editorial man is frequent
y strewn with brickbats instead of
•oses with “cum laude” inscription
down into the petals. But come to
hink of it, the compositor really
nakes surprisingly few mistakes, con
lidering the poor copy that often
•eaches him.
Tho University of Pennsylvania museum
nnounccs the diseovery of a great temple
t Memphis, . Egypt, belonging approxi
nately to the period of Rameses II. The
liscovery was the result of the spring
nd summer explorations of the Eckley !
t. Coxe, Jr., Egyptian expedition, led by
)r. Fisher of the university museum. The
eport of Dr. Fisher has created much in
erest in scientific circles, as it is be
ieved to herald further exploration on the
Ite of Memphis, at onr rTm** possibly the
reatest city in the world. It is known
o have been of great importance more
ban 8000 years ago. One hundred expert
iggers spent three months in the worK,
nd they unearthed a great hall of col
mns belonging to the temple. The ex
avation, which began with the capitals
f two columns nt first discovered, were
arried down to the original soil. Despite
he ravages of time, sieges and other de
tructive forces, enough has been found
o show that the temple was a magnificent ,
tructure. An inscription indicates that it \
lay have been erected by Setl I, although '
t first supposed to have been the work of 1
lenephtah, son of Rameses II. About 4000
pecimens of archaeological walue were
ound, including scarabs, amulets, gold
nd silver rings and other objects. t
A newspaper correspondent infers that f
Chinese money is a joke. Chinese wages r
re a joke to the honest workingman in i
>merica who gets peevish if he doesn't
eceivo at least $5 for eight hours’ work. 1
Moving picture censors recently cut out '
scene showing a close view of a man 1
lacing a bet on a horse race. The hunt f
or realism is a discouraging business v
i*hen movie censors are on the job.
Scientists with a calm disregard for >he 1
rar in Europe continue their hunt for ^
uried cities, a harmless and instructive
ray to spend one’s time.
A newspaper paragrapher suggests a ,
ather show after the babies are put to f
ed. Father wras never intended for ex- 1
ibition purposes. i
Race riots are by no means confined to \
he south. Detroit recently had one that
ouid not #have been surpassed by any 1
3wn in Texas.
Tl.e German equivalent for "Pooh, r
ooh." is freely used by the Teutons when '
nybody insinuates that they are being 1
tarved out. r
Colonel Roosevelt says lie has been f- ^
ered nothing by the republican party. 1
-hich may or may not indicate a recep- °
ive mood. • f
The conversational zero is a discus- s
c
Ion of notional defense by two jingoes
"ho think one American can whip six Eu
jpeans
-♦- 1
Von Mackenzen recently Rained seven l
tiles with a loss of 35,000 men. Five thou- 1
and men to the mile. The cost was trlf- 1
jng! '
Victor Murdock emerged from obscurity 1
mg enough to announce that the pro- *
respit es will be in the 1910 fight.
Colonel Roosevelt stopped over in (’hi- 1
ago long enough to scratch a tiger on the
'ack In the Lincoln park zoo. i
Wherever Grand Duke Nicholas goes 1
here is action, but just now It is chiefly '
f the rear guard kind.
The French are not doing much talking 1
liese days. The natural Inference le that 1
hey are too busy to talk.
A soaring thermometer at Philadelphia
lends additional thousands scurrying to '
Atlantic City.
At least the movies will never be able to 1
>ut the "girl show" out of business.
ABOUT NED BRACE
Hon. E. W. Barrett. Birmingham, Ala.:
Dear Colonel: Allow me to express my
ippreciatlon of the sound, solid, common
sense contained in your "Sunday Talks."
1 wish they could he read by every man
n Alabama. Yours truly,
J. T. GORMAN.
Mobile. July 2. 1916.
CAUTION ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY
From ttie Savannah Press.
in Sing Sing you must have a cars
when you take a chair.
—— - ■ ■■ ■■ .1 II ———
'n««» Wavf of Prosperity
There in greet prosperity in the indut
trial centers and also great prosperity
out west.” said J. M. Seares of Chi
cago.
I was in Pittsburg a week ago. and
never have I seen that city looking
more prosperous than at the present
time. Four weeks ago I was on the
Pacific coast, and made two or three
stops between San Francisco and Cfti
cago. Everywhere business seemed to
be booming.
“On my way south I came by the way
of St. LiOuis. Early in the spring the
business men of that city talked blue,’
hut * find them exceedingly buoyant
now. St. l,ouIs is enjoying a great deal
of solid prosperity, and as far as T can
*earn the south, as a whole, is full of
optimism.”
< ommrnti on European Struggle
-Vt the close of a year’s war the
end of the European struggle seems
even further away than wag the case
nt the beginning.’ remarked Zac
Smith, Jr., of Birmingham.
It chanced that T was on the con
tinent when the war began, but T hur
ried home with my party so as to avoid
' omplications with hostile forces. Since
that time I have naturally attempted
10 keep abreast of the situation as
much as possible. T had visited Europe
1 number of times and am of course
familiar with all the important cities
rind institutions to be seen by the ,
tourist in foreign countries. It is there
fore with much regret that I have read
the destruction of edifice after edi
fice of historic Interest and of the lay- ]
ng waste of the fair fields of sunny
France.
"On th* other hand, I have heen
somewhat astoiyided at the visor with 1
■'hlch Germans have heen able to push :
heir gigantic 'drives’ in the face of 1
remendous obstacles. If only some
itnlcahle arrangement could be de
tded upon by the opposing Interests '
■ 11 might yet be well: but I fear this 1
annot he for sometime to come at
eaBt," <
Fouiiri Detectives Everywhere t
Charles G. Davis, who returned from a 1
rip east a few days ago, tells of many '!
deasant experiences and some that weie '
nore novel than agreeable. Paid he: <
"I was accompanied on this outing by *
ny two daughters and my first desire 1
vas to give them pleasure. I took them 1
o see as many of the places of interest 1
n New York as time would permit. We
•oiled on a relative who is a member of *
he stock exchange and asked him to give <
is a card to the gallery—a request that is 1
■eadily granted in ordinary times. I >
[new my girls would be interested in 8
ooking on during the rush hours, but the *
elative said that since the attack on Mr. 8
Morgan's life, only members were allowed 8
o enter the exchange. He said that de- 1
ectlves were as thick as hops and that i
‘very approach to the exchange was 8
"arded. As I could not obtain a ticket r
said to my daughters, 'Come on and see "
f we cannot persuade the detectives to 1
et us pass.’ We went to the stock ex- c
hange, but our efforts to gain admisssion j 1
fere unavailing. Detectives were every- a
there and they were vigilant to the last
egree. f succeeded In getting one of tho F
loorkeepers to call out a member who ^
tas a partner in my relative's firm. He
vas mighty polite, but said the rule |
guinst admitting visitors was so strict as
0 make exceptions impossible. ,
"From ihe stock exchange we went to r
ne of the other exchanges, but there we j
ound a squad of detectives and the same
ules obtaining.
“Detectives are doing double duty in c
he hotels, In the theatres and on the t
treels of New York. We went* over to j
Vilmington, Del. • I wanted to see some- ^
ting of the Dupont works, but it was next j
a impossible to get into the office builds ,
ng. let alone the operating plants. The r
isltors are stopped by detectives. <
"One may read tile New York papers,
ut he can form no idea of the army of t
electives on duty until lie goes east and |
ries to do some innocent sightseeing.”
Republican Progressive
“The regular organization republicans (
lould naturally like to get Colonel
todsevelt and his great progressive fol
owing back into the old party, but °
will not be that way,'' said Charles
I. Scott, at one time prominent In Ala- ,
ama republican politics.
“Colonel Roosevelt in his brief state- t
lent tins week makes It plain that he ,
•ill remain in th« progressive party. t
nd I think It a safe bet that the great i
lajority of those who voted for Roose- b
et in 3912 will keep out .of the repub- 1
can party In 1916. no matter who is °
ominated.
"I keep in close touch with the west, p
lie democratic party 111 very weak out
tere, while republican progressives
re strong. F
“It is too early to begin predictions
vr 1916, fui tlier than that President Wll- t!
on will be renominated by the demo- 1
rats." c
The Wise Mr. Wise
"I have .lust returned from Cleve- F
ind and while there I saw one of the
lost amusing incidents in which a vil- <3
nn was foiled that I can recall," said
Idgar Sanderson. "It seems that one
V'illiam Wise, 77 years old, living In
he country near Cleveland, had gone
D the Ohio city last year to witness s
he street fair. During his perambu- c
ations about Cleveland a clever fin- c
ered pickpocket got to him and s
ouched him for his roll.
"This year he waa particularly anx- '
oils to see the fair In Cleveland but a
1 anted to do so safely. Then an idea
ttuck him. He took an old pocket
iook, stuffed It full of paper and
led a twine securely to his suspender
mtton and affixed the other end to
he pocketbook. Then with the wallet
leeping from his pocket he strolled
ontentedly about the city taking in
he sights.
"For four days nothing happened
nd Mr. Wise became somewhat mourn
ul on account of the needlessness of
lis strategy. But fortune wai with him
ind on the fifth day while he was
Hatching the ponies do five furlongs
i light fingered gentleman from
.ouisvllle spied the wallet and laid
•ovetous hands upon it.
"Feeling the tug on his trousers,
11 r. Wise turned with a yell and caught
he frieker with the goods. lie clasped
tim In a grip of Iron, yelling lustily
:he while, and in a second, for police
nen In Cleveland are slightly more
tumerous than In Birmingham, an of
icer was on the soene and the expert
vas taken into custody, where it was
liacovered he was an old offender."
NO LAME DUCKS THERE
from the Harrisburg Patriot.
"Cutting their heads off” has a pe
■ullarly tragic significance 111 the political
iffalrs of Haiti. There are no "lame
lucks" there.
--1!
ALABAMA PRESS
Gadsden Evening Journal; The reopen-!
ing of the Jefferson Savings bank, with j
payment of all depositors in full and
interest in savings deposits looks to a
layman like a real feat of financing and 1
in a measure repays the Magic City for!
loss and depression suffered when that
big institution closed its doors a few j
months ago.
Anniston Evening Star: The whale was
the first submarine and Jonah the first
torpedo.
Opelika Daily News: Just as soon as
we can wind up the watermelon crop
and eat up the balance of the late
peaches let's begin anew the campaign
for diversified crops.
Talladega Daily Home: The good feel
ing In Birmingham over the reopening
of the Jefferson Cobnty Savings bank
Will spread throughout the state. The
way the bank’s afTalrs have been handled
are a credit to the state hanking de
partment. *
Huntsville Daily Times: The successful
reopening of the Jefferson County bank
in Birmingham yesterday with $500,000
paid in cash capital marked the complete
restoration of prosperity in Alabama. It
was a great day for the state and all
praise is due the new' bank officials who
lave paid every depositor of the old in
stitution in full with interest. Deposits
sere 5 to 1 over withdrawals.
--r- *
I'HE PROBLEM OF REING A MOTHER
?Vom the Philadelphia Ledger.
"Do you advocate raising children for
iounty charges, the poorh9use, or what?
am a mother of seven children and feel
har T have my right to ask. Perhaps you
lave never had the experience of raising
leven children on ISO a month and then
uddenly losing the position and have your
louse threatened with foreclosure.”—Mrs.
JcHcnney to Theodore Roosevelt.
Mr. Roosevelt has yet to meet Mrs.
ifcHonney face to face; and he has yet
0 meet her argument in any fashion
vhatscever. He tells her "to keep right
n being a mother, the best, highest, most
porth-while job on earth, no matter what
he temporary conditions that surround it
nay be.” But he fails to wonder whether
uch conditions are really temporary for
nost mothers of the poor, whether the job
f being a mother is more worth while on
basis of quantity or quality, and whether
: can be better improved by individual in
tiative or by social forces. Perhaps the
European war may give a little light.
Germany and France supply two glai;
ngly contrasted methods of dealing succ
essfully with the mother problem. Ger
many stood for a high birth rate, for more
ilnds and more workers; but she also
tood for the essential concomitant of pro
moting that increase of minds and W’ork
rs from the poverty and destruction that
iie'c very numbers would otherwise bring.
Vance took the opposite view. She cut
own the birth rate, and the chances of
overty took care of themselves. Ger
lany’s policy undoubtedly was suited to 1
nation in a period of renaissance,
'ranee's was the product and the fit ac
onipaniment of more stable conditions.
!oth achieved a more or less prosperous
nd happy people. 1
But what about England? England has (
racticod both racial profligacy and social
rofligacy. Do we want to follow her?
CHANGING WORDS
Vom the St. Louis Post-D!spatch. i
It is a curious habit that history re- t
cals, that of stripping a word of Its origi
al meanifig and clothing it with a mean
lg radically different. We were told in
ur high school days that Slav meant,
rlglnally, “master,” and that when the
lavs were captured in great numbers by
ie more civilized nations of Europe and
npressed into involuntary servitude, they
ave their once proud name to be used
orever to designate the condition of
lavery. Modern etymologists are in
lined to scout the Idea that the word
lav came from the old Bulgarian
Slava,” which signified, "glory,” but in
lie case of another perverted word the e
5 no dispute. That word is “Mameluke.”
In Turkey a maineluke was a slave boy,
sufilly a Circassian, who did menial work
1 the household of the master. About
tie year 1200 a great body of these slave?
tere sold by Jenghiz Khan to the ruler
f Egypt. In 50 years they had seized the
lovernment, assassinated the monarch
nd elected one of tHeir number to the
hrone. Their government lasted until
'17, when they were overthrown by
elim I., sultan of Turkey; but they con
nued to be a power in the army until
le beginning of the nineteenth century,
'hen Mehemet All had them massacred,
ecause no ruler could ever feel secure
n his throne as long as the cavalry wing
r his army was composed of mamelukes.
heir very name had come to signify the
lasterful qualities that belong not to the
lave, but to the conqueror.
VAGARIES OF PATRIOTISM
rom the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Patriotism is a surprising thing, some
mes. Take the case of the Newr Jersey
alian who sold bis housekeeper and her
lild for $20 and went to war.
SOMEWHAT PUNGENT
rom the Knickerbocker Press.
A Georgia negro is 124 years old. How
id he ever escape the Georgia lynchers
>r that Jong?
LUKE M’LUKE SAYS
Vom the Cincinnati Enquirer.
The old-fashioned dude who used to
cap his hangs so they would lie flat
own on his forehead now has a son wrho
ombs his hair so he will look like a
en lion.
A woman gets so little pleasure that if
lie didn't get to talk about what she is
oing to do she wouldn't have any fun
t all.
After looking over some of the fool
iws made by the state legislature a
lan finds it an easy matter to keep the
en commandments.
Before he gets her he would kiss the
round she walks on. After he gets her
e gets mad If he has to wipe his face on
he same towel she dried her face on.
A woman with a face like a dried her
ing gets as much pleasure out of ad
niring the hats in the window of a mil
inery store as a pretty girl does.
It takes more than the knowledge that
he is a grandma to make a woman quit
eeling giddy these days.
It is all right for a girl to throw her
ips out of Joint and then throw them
>ack again when she is dancing the
naxixe or a new-fangled tangp. But
here was a time when we used to think
t real devilish to pay a dime and go in
nd watch a hootchie dancer.
A man is almost as Inconsistent as a
roman. If she wants nice clothes he
;te*ks, and if she looks shabby when she
;oes out he kicks.
Just because a woman happens to be
narried to a man is no reason why she
hould insist on dressing up like a circus
iorse and embarrassing poor hubby by
naking him parade the street with her.
It is funny that the men who do not be
leve in fairies spend a lot of time in
haslng them.
Every neighborhood has a nosey man
>r woman who is trying to do_the worry- '
ng for the rest of the neighborhood.
Why is it that the less a woman cats
.he latter she gets.
*
“ME AND BETSY”
r* ---—il
WndfTdr * <rv — ■ - r r ----t-c---- M
—From the Philadelphia Evening Ledger.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES.
A RECIPE.
’Tls possible in any clime,
To make a jest of Father Time.
A smile, if practiced every day,
Will keep his tell-tale marks away.
STILL SORE.
“If yu are kind to people they will be
dnd to you.”
“No doubt that is true In the main, but
here are exceptions and I hope you won’t
iwell on the subject this morning.’’
"Why, what’s the matter?”
"I’ve Just been victimised by a fake
promoter, and I was as kind to him as
[ could be.”
THE ONLY WAY.
“An export in affairs of the heart says
hat If a young couple don’t quarrel at
breakfast, they'll probably get through
he day without a fuss.”
“That sounds reasonable, but I'd hate
:o miss my breakfast.”
CRUEL DECEPTION.
“What caused the rift in the lute?”
"She's a first-class cook.”
“What did that have to do with it?”
“She'd been making him think all along
hat she couldn’t boil water.”
PRECEDED BY PRONOUN “I.”
“Pa. what Is meant by the last word?”
“That depends on the circumstances,
son. In our house the last word is usual }'
‘won’t,' a corruption for ‘will not.’ ”
THE EGOTIST.
We wish a certain type of man
Deep in the ocean’s maze were sunk,
Who says of every human plan,
Except his own, "Oh, shaw! It‘s punk.’’
AGREED.
“Don't you think Mrs. Gadders a charm
ing woman?"
t
"Indeed, I do." »
"She has a great deal of tact."
"Undoubtedly. What did she compli*
ment you for?"
"My wit. And you?"
“For the same thing." j
"Shake. She flattered us both."
TOO EMOTIONAL.
"The leading lady seems miffed about
something." !
"Yes. She complains that the leading
man makes love to her with too much fer
vor."
"That’s singular. I don’t understand
It."
"Such cases are not uncommon on thl
stage.”
“But this chap is her husband."
THE SEASON’S STORIES
"rom the New York Sun.
TIlE stories that come with the sum
mer belong to the season and to the
year; they are as varied as the tem
>erature and no more like last summer's
tories than an elephant is like a mega
herium.
One summer we were surfeited with na*
lire stories. That was the year when
uch things came under official notice at
he White House and it was almost lese
r.ajesty to publish an incident of field
>r forest life that was not properly cen
sored. Now while there is more freedom
here are fewer nature stories and most of
hese have a bearing upon war.
Out in. Oregon "a careful and critical
ibserver” examined some 1000 locusts and
•i every wing be saw clearly the letter
T," Thus peace is to be our lot. A
nlnister of a German ‘Hutheran church
n Indiana while hunting killed three
iquirrels; ‘‘one was a large albion. an
ither a Wright red squirrel with a white
ail. and the third a black squirrel.”
dropping them on the ground he was
truck with the fact that they formed the
►lack, white and red of the fatherland,
lad the black been blue the coincidence
night not have made material for
rophets.
Still, from some parts of the country
■ome stories that are not so weighty
vith prophecy or moral. An “honest
iraker,” Joseph Setterthwaite, says that
Luring the recent high water in Kansas
'frogs ate all the cherries off his neigh
»ors‘ trees.” In the lightning belt of Jn
liana. just south of the literary belt, a
ai mer is protecting his hogs by equipping
ach one with "a copper cable rod.” Near
3ernville. Pa., a fisherman was astounded
o see a pair of eyeglasses moving around
n the water. Investigating he found that
hey were worn by ‘a common water
snake over two feet in length." The fisher
man, 'Squire F. H. Wagner, killed thi
reptile and recovered the spectacles. Ht
declares they "are the best glasses h<
ever owned." And here is a real sum
mer story from Maryland: \
"A setting hen on the farm of Georffi
Johnson abondoned her nest in the sur
a week ago and sought the shade. John
son paid no attention to the 15 eggs, whicl
he thought of no value. Much to his sur
prise yesterday he found 11 chicks hatched
out by the sun." !
People, according to present day narra
tors, go in much this summer for an ea*3
conscience and health. Escaped convictl
seem falling over one another to givt
themselves up to the authorities. Thi
luxuries of the modern jails may have t<
do with tills. Ail conscience funds groan
in warm weather. A Washington womai
who had filched four prunes frt>m a groeei
17 years ago sent 10 cents in stamps tl
pay for this indiscretion. She placed tht
responsibility lor her reformation upoi
the reading of one of Billy Sunday’s ser
mons. A collector for a California papei
was stopped in the Nevada mountains bj
a man who paid up a three-years’ sub
script£on he had owed 17 years. * The col
lector fainted." This detail is merely tt
add verisimilitude to the story. No col
lector faints after he gets the money.
A Kansan says that the reason of hit
longevity is that he goes barefooted oil
months of the year; and he advises every
body to do the same. An Oklahoman, D
Devine, ridicules this foolish idea. Thi
thing to do, he says, is to eat sand,
same quality used on the engines, whicl
is fine as salt and has been heated an<
sifted. "It should be boiled before beim
eaten," he says.
Those persons who profess to scorn sun*
mer stories because "they are ali alike*
are missing something.
” e
SHOULD JOIN DBRNBURG
rom the Providence Journal.
The Journal Is able to print the follow
ng statement made last Monday night In
Jew York city by Captain Boy-Ed, naval
ttaclie of the German embassy in Wash
ngton:
"The United States government must
Irst show that it is just as sincere in its
irotest against breaches of neutrality
node by the allies ns it is against si
eged violations by German ■ before my
lovernment will cease to carry on Its
uhirarine warfare in its own way, or
icfore It will condescend to reply to the
a st American note.
“The German government has made pro
ests of various klndB to the United States
rovernment and the United States gov
irrment has virtually Ignored these pro
ests. When my government protested
igatnst the manufacture of submarines in
his country for use in Great Britain, the
ederai authorities at Washington brought
orv ard a mass of technicalities In order
o evade their responsibility #n this mat
er. 1 believe had the situation been re
versed. and had England protested against
he making of submarines for Germany
n the United States, these technicalities
vould never have been brought forward.
"My government knows Its rights and is.
irepared to stand by them. President Wll
ion and Secretary Lansing must show.,
lot by covert opinions, privately en
iressed, but by a direct official statement
n a note to England, equally as strong
tnd vigorous In language as the last
lote to Germany, that she Is prepared to
to to the same limit with England as she
las announced she is prepared to go
vlth us.
“Unless tkie United States sends to Great
Britain such a protest, In language as
ilrulent as that used against us and In
llcatlng to all Germans in the United
Rates, my government will not abbreviate
ts submarine warfare, nor under any cir
cumstances will it make any reply what
iver to the last note to Berlin."
COTTON NOW SECOND
From the Providence Journal.
Hereafter the south will figure large
ly as a producer of the food supplia
of the country. The report on the crop
just issued shows that “the grain croi
of 1915 exceeds in value by sfvera
hundred million dollars fbe most valu
able cotton crop” ever marketed. Th<
estimate of wheat, corn and oats ii
1,540,000,000 bushels—& gain of 216,000,
000 bushels over last year’s yield—
In addition there Is a rice crop of V9,
000,000 bushels. The statement that o
the gain of the entire country nearly 64
per cent is in the south, gives an idea
of the activities of the owners of agri
cultural lands below the Mason an<
Dixon line.
Cotton of course is the groat stapl<
of the south, and it is not likely to b<
neglected. But the cotton states art
learning the value of diversity in prod
ucts and their prosperity is bound <4
be increased by the departure from tli
accepted notion that the south is nec
essarily dependent upon a single crop
The entire country also is benefited bj
the breaking away of the southern pq,
pie from the old tradition that for then
‘cotton is king.” The question of foot
supply now is not secondary to that o
textile products.
THE HEAVBNI/Y ROAD
By Edward Wilbur Mason.
There was no milky way of sturs,
But just a field of green j!
With daisies by the pasture bars
All radiant and serene!
There were no angels in the air,
Nor raptured seraphs wise,
But up the noontide’s aunlit stale 5
Trooped gorgeous butterflies!
There was no river of pure gold,
But dancing In the breese
A laughing brook forever rolled
Beneath the arching trees!
There -were no shining jasper walls,
Nor asure bald ricked dome.
But just a house with friendly hall*,
And quiet peace of homel