Newspaper Page Text
E. W. BARRETT. Editor Entered at the Birmingham, Ala., postolfice as second class matter un der act of Congress March 3, 1879. Daily and Sunday Age-Herald, year $6.00 Daily without Sunday. 4.00 Daily and Sunday, per month.60 Daily and Sunday, three months.. 1.6J Weekly Age-Herald, per annum.. .60 Sunday Age-llerald, per annum.. 2.00 O. E. Young, L. D. Griffis and W. D. Brumbeloe are the only authorized trav eling representatives of The Age-Herald in its circulation department. No communication will be published without its author’s name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned un less stamps are enclosed for that pur pose. Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address, THE AGE-HERALD, Birmingham, Ala. Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build ing. European bureau, 6 Henrietta street, Covent Garden, London. Eastern business office, Room- to 60, inclusive, Tribune building, New York city; western business office. Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for eign advertising. TELEPHONE Bril tprlvate exchange connecting all dcpnrtmeuta) Main 41MIO. 1 hold It cowardice To rest inlstriiatful, where a noble heart Hath pawn'd an open hand In algn of love —Henry VI. BEGINNING THE DAY—O Lord, preserve me from trying to do too much today. Remind me that It la not how much, but how well, how Sweetly, how contentedly, that avalla. Remind me that there la an other life lu which 1 ahall labor. Give me to do my work quietly. For •eaus* Saka. Amen.—II. >1- E. _ —— . _— . ■ .. Dreadnaught Still Supreme When Germany’s successful under sea warfare was apparently playing havoc with British shipping, it was proclaimed in some quarters that the dreadnaught had proved a failure. It would fall an easy victim to a sub marine costing far less to build, ob servers said. Immediately a cam paign was started in this country for building a great many submarines at the expense of dreadnaughts. The English admiralty was mean time quietly going about the business of coping with Germany's undersea attacks. Strict secrecy was main tained and the impression was cre ated abroad that nothing could stop the victorious career of the Germans. However, Great Britain has developed a successful plan for combatting the submarine peril and as a result there will be a modification of the tentative plans adopted for the improvement of the American navy during the coming year. Confidential reports have been received disclosing the fact that from 50 to 70 German submarines have been destroyed by the use of nets, sub marine telephones, new types of mines and by covering the submarine area with a fleet of swift motor boats, armed with rapid fire guns. The noticeable lull in Germany’s subsea warfare was probably brought about by something more urgent than American diplomacy and lends color to the British claims that they now have the situation well in hand. While the submarine of the high power, seagoing type will continue to be an extremely useful adjunct to a navy and the United States should by all means be provided with an ade quate number of submarines, the dreadnaught type remains supreme as the most effective fighting force and its prestige, for awhile threatened by the submarine, has been fully re stored. __ More Food; Better Farming Marinette county, Wis., has a farmer, W. C. Wyckoff, who has cleared and cultivated 80 acres of land without ever having a horse upon the place. Wyckoff is not a disciple of old time methods either; in fact, he goes to the other extreme and uses noth ing but gasoline power. His 11-ton tractor supplied all the power for clearing and breaking the land, plow ing, planting the crop and for culti vating and harvesting it. For travel ing Wyckoff uses his automobile and therefore dispenses with a driving horse. Not many years ago men were har vesting with scythe and cradle; then the harvester brought a wonderful change in farming methods and a corresponding extension of farming operations. Now the horse is proving too slow and inefficient for modern methods and the power tractor su persedes man’s old-time friend. Pessimists may deplore the dimin ishing demand for the horse on senti mental grounds, but the fact remains that increased production is the result of modern methods—and whatever adds to the food supply increases gen oral prosperity and betters conditions. The population of the country is steadily and rapidly increasing. Pro duction must keep pace with this growth, or poverty and hardship will result in increasing ratio. The Vvorld no longer needs “the man with the hoe.” On the contrary, J it needs the man with the best agri cultural implement that can be de vised, applied in the most efficient way that agricultural scientists can suggest. Toward the American farmer turn the eyes of a hungry world. Cotton and Other Crops With the bullish character of the cotton market a slight falling off in the estimated size of the crop was enough to cause a Inrge advance in price. Several months ago a 12,5000,000 bale crop seemed probable, although a few good guessers placed the figures below 11,000,000. But for some weeks cotton statisticians had settled on 11,000,000 bales as the year’s crop; and the world had accepted that es timate. When, therefore, the gov ernment report as of September 25 came out yesterday with an estimate of only 10,950,000 bales, speculators and consumers were startled and the price in New Orleans jumped about |5 a bale. Many farmers have been selling a portion of their cotton crop at 11 to 11 1-2 cents. But if the producer will only market gradually he will get 13 cents and more for his staple. The high price levels of the past few weeks have added greatly to the wealth of the south, and if the farm ers hold back some of their crop they will get 15 cents to 18 cents; maybe 15 cents before Christmas. Present prices are highly profitable to the cotton grower, and as a result of this year’s shortage and high values there will be a tendency to increase next year's acreage. There was an appreciable reduction in acreage in this year’s planting season. It may be increased or brought back to normal acreage next spring. What must be guarded against is overproduction. And the chief thing to be striven for is a greater yield per acre. Crop diversification has been such a success in Alabama this year that the practice will not be slighted in 1916. Alabama's 1915 record-breaking corn crop of 71,000,000 bushels should be exceeded the coming year. The plant ing should be for 100,000,000 bushels, With great crops of grain and forage, cotton will be, instead of the “one money crop" as of old, a surplus crop. There should be no Increase in cot ton acreage, but more intensive farm ing. The world will probably need from the south 16,000,000 bales next year, but with progressive methods of agriculture that enormous total should be produced on a much smaller acre age than was planted in 1914. In view of the fact that the south has produced its own foodstuffs this year, the buoyant cotton situation has made the farmer a mighty optimist. Truly the year 1915 is a banner year for Alabama. A Unique Crusader H. Abraham Cohen, who attracted wide attention some years ago by starting the Anti-Suicide league in America, died recently in his office in Paterson, N. J. He was a justice of the peace and an auctioneer. When the Anti-Suicide league was organ ized Cohen obtained the signature of more than 10,000 persons throughout the country who pledged themselves never to commit suicide. There can be no doubt but that Cohen thought he was working for the good of his fellow man, and so he was. Probably nine out of ten persons who kill themselves do so on the spur of the moment; in a fit of passion or despair. Instant release from this world of turmoil and trou ble is what they want, so they take the short cut to eternity. A pledge, however lightly regarded, is still a deterrent factor. Would that all other promises made by frail mor tals were as easy to keep! So long ns Tom Marshall ' prays for President Wilson and Count Von Bern storff lends his valuable assistance In dip lomatic crises, the country Is reasonably safe from war. Tile crowned heads of Europe apparently put more credence in war dispatches than the average newspaper reader. Else, why do they congratulate each other? The war In Europe may knock the props from under the house of Hohenxollern, but It Is putting reinforced concrete founda tion under the house of Morgan. The Panama canal Is again closed to traffic by a landslide. If Senator Mor gan were alive today, he might have something to say about it. The Germane censure the allies for em ploying colored troops, but their own ally, the Turk, is a worse oarbarlan than either Indiana or Africans. The military regulation of liquor selling in Berlin is raising a howl among honeBt Teutons who don't begin to get lit up un til after 9 p. m. A Kansas cyclone that merely blows away a few barns is not in the same class with a West Indian hurricane when it gets Its dander up. Dr. Dumba xaid he couldn't bother the American people with a farewell message. Good. idea. "Parting is such sweet sor row.” The price of beer has risen In New York, but 'tls said that all the clerks in Wall street are drinking champagne. Judging from the anecdote column, the average English Tommy spends most of his time telling funny stories. It was written, "split 60-50.’* It was printed, "split 55.’* There ought to be a reliable dictionary of slang. A surgeon says radium is a mystery. And its price effectually puts It beyond the reach of the masses. "Business as usual" does not apply to Er>*Pt. Tourist cash is painfully scarce in that country. Oh, well, Bulgaria sat on the fence so long it was sagging with her, anyhow. RUSSIAN SECRET SERVICE From Bruno’s Weekly. (Scene: Private office in police head quarters.) President of Police: "If you join our forces and decide to be a detective instead of a revolutionists, you will be freed im mediately! Otherwise you will be hanged today! Your death warrant is as good as signed ” Revolutionist: "All right, I accept!” Lieutenant of Police (thinking of him self): "I have to report this immediately to the revolutionary committee! Such a wietched traitor!” President of Police: "We are offering you 1000 rubles if you betray to us the plots of all the assassinations planned at present.” Police Sergeant (thinking for himself): "Ob Lord! if he only does not betray | me!" Revolutionist: "They are preparing to kill the village priest.” Police Sergeant (thinking): "Blessed be the Lord; he doesn’t seem to know any thing about our plot!" Revolutionist: "Dimitri Nicolaitsch was chosen to kill him." Police at the Door (thinking): "He evi dently know'g what he is talking about. The name is correct.” Revolutionist: "Everything will be ready tonVrrow evening at 8 o’clock. Then the priest will be killed." President Secretary (thinking): "In yes terday’s meeting we postponed it till the day after tomorrow.” President of Police (in terrible rage, to the revolutionist): "Ha! Scoundrel! So you are going to betray the plans of our revo lution! To hell with youl (He fires a shot without injuring him.) Revolutionist: "Place him under arrest! I am the secretary of police!" A Scrubbing Woman: "Then you must die! (Throwing herself against his big ! frame she buries a stiletto in his heart.) Policeman at the Door (trying to over power her): "Nikollsch! What did you do that for?" (The house is blown into the air because the letter carrier stumbled over a bomb as he came through the main en trance.) A TRIUMPH FOR SANTA CLAUS From the Boston Herald. , Santa Claus has run the blockade. Voicing the protests of millions of American boys and girls, he smiled his way into the private offices of the great men in London and said: "What have hobby-horses, and speaking dolls, and music boxes and mechanical toys to do with war? Why should the chil dren across the ocean be deprived of half the joy of Christmas because these playthings were made In Germany? Is it necessary for you to check the laughter of these proteges of mine in order to carry on your struggle with the Kaiser? These toys w-ere made at their firesides by the simple-hearted peasant of Thuringia and Nuremburg, and for them it was a joy as well as a business. And unless you let these toys leave Rotterdam my pack will be half empty when I make my rounds in America. Let them go." For months the great men in Lon don held out against the plea. These w'ere German goods and the order of proscription covered them. American business men were anxious; their old stocks w'ere almost exhausted, domes tic production did not entirely supply the deficiency, and Santa Claus, the ambassador of good will to all the world, presented again and again his claims. And now the great men in London have yielded. The embargo which has brought America and Europe to the verge of war has been lifted, and what statesmen and diplomats have failed to do Santa Claus has ac complished. . EUGENE SCHMITZ From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. San Francisco's satisfaction over the re jection of Eugene Sch mitz's candidacy for mayor may be tempered by the recollec tion of the considerable strength he shoved at the polls on Tuesday. He was second in the betting with a field of eight and. true to form, ran second In the voting. Mayor Rolf was renominated and, from the incomplete figures at hand, may have been re-elected by the same voto. The exposition city need not boast much o.’ the performance. Schmitz gathered a large following for his attempted come back Had a less experienced man, one less well known and without the prestige of a successful administration of the mayor's office, been opposed to Schmitz the latter might well have succeeded in his ambitious proposal. Eugene Schmitz, it will be remembered, was the mayor who with tho notorious Abe Ruef scandalized the Pacific coast with their municipal grafting and who, in 1907, was convicted and sentenced to a five-year term in the penitentiary. That he never served his sentence did not af fec: the fact of his guilt. Schmitz evi dently thought San Francisco's memory was shoi'U Tire result snows that while the majority memory was still alive, there were many thousands of Friscans who either had forgotten or did not care. GRANDMA’S HOUSE From the Kansas City Times. There are always prim or stately or homely flowers nodding in the back gar den. Within, there is always an old fushioned clock-ticking atmosphere of pleasant peace that will not fret the tem pers of little boys and girls; always, eyes the years have tilled with tender wisdom to watch lovingly above the play of grand children; always, cookies waiting In the great, old, battered can In the pantry fo- the arrival of sweetheart fingers; al ways, a deep closet In which are the toys of'bygone years, all patched and mended by grandma when her little ones grew away from them, and kept here by her against this time, Just waiting. Such toys that must suffer to be cast aside and yet must be always ready and never fail ing when next pudgy hands come to take them up, hold the mellowest heartaches In the world, and tragedies as great and dumb as the worn shoes of babies who went off on a day with the angels. This is grandma's house. And the more houses of grandma a city holds the more blessed it is above ita fellows NO USE TAKING CHANCES From the Louisville Courier-Journal. King Constantine of Greece prizes every bit cult open with a fork nowadays tc set if the Kalaer'a Sister Sophie slipped a spider Into It. HOTEL LOBBIES _ 0_ The Good Honda Convention "The annual meeting of the Alabama Good Roads association, which meets here Tuesday and Wednesday of next week, will be very largely attended,” said John *W. O’Neill, president of the Jefferson county association, which will act as host for the occasion. "Secretary Rountree' has already re ceived notice of the appointment of 700 or more deelgate*. "The annual conventions have always assembled the most enlightened and enthusiastic good roads men in the state and the forthcoming meeting will be no exception to the rule." Stiffen* Value* Here The great industrial boom in this dis trict and throughout the country is nat urally enhancing values here," said S. E. Thompson. "If prosperity continues well into next year, and there is every promise of a long period of good times, we may look for a healthy activity in all lines of realty business. There is already a marked improvement In the real estate market." Sunday Concert Greatly Enjoyed "The fact /that people crowded the Strand theatre Sunday afternoon to hear choice music—organ and orchestra and several chorus numbers—proves how much needed are such refining entertain ments," said W. H. Makin. "At 3 p. m. every seat was occupied and when the programme was finished at 4, and the I ouse emptied, another crow’d was wait ing to hear the programme repeated. In the two performances it is estimated that nearly 3$00 people had been given a rare musical treat. Mr. RIenzi Thomas played beautiful organ pieces and the Strand orchestra was received with great en thusiasm in its selections from 'Trovatore.' Mr. J. Bentin, the violinist of the or chestra, played a solo at each concert— Gounod's 'Ave Marla’ at the first and something by Tchaikowsky at the second concert. "It is hoped we will have these Sunday concerts often. The organ at the Strand is one of the best ever heard in the south." The Drama League "The remarkable programme meetings to which membership cards in the Drama league admit one are the subject of much comment,” said Mrs. B. F. Wilkinson, president of the local center. "Birmingham people have always paid the same price as our membership fee to hear Mrs. Beacher alone. Her reading of Echegaray’s, 'The Great Galeoto,’ is magnificent and will be the opening event on Tuesday afternoon at the Tutwiler. The one-act skit of Pinero’s, 'The Play goers,’ will be presented during Novem ber, and Dr. F. H. Losey of state uni versity, will give a lecture-recrtai on Ibsen s 'Hosts.' in November. The pro gramme committee is working out this part of the league work with splendid success. "It’s the educational and artistic value of the Drama league movement, that ap peals to entertainers who are willing to donate their services. The greatest actors and actresses appear as luncheon speak ers, or in short talks before the Drama league in all of the centers. The study of the drama tends to Improve the taste of the audience so they demand better «rmd higher class attractions, hence the interest of the great artists and exponents of the best in stagecraft. The very nomi nal fee of admittance into the league is simply a pledge that the members will support the bulletined plays, and culti vate^ taste for the reading of the printed play. Nothing makes an auditor more discriminating or critical in his taste than a knowledge of the thought of the author of the play. He will then demand from the actor he goes to see correct Interpre tation and technique." The President!*! Campaign "President Wilson will be renomi nated by acclamation next year and he will have an easy victory at the polls; at any rate, that is the way It looks now’," said P. W. Sayre of Chi cago. "I did not vote the democratic tick et in 1912 but I expect to do so in 1916. Mr. Wilson has made such a good Pres ident that the country should make his election unanimous. x» "Even if the republicans nominate a strong man for their standard bearer he will not be able to arouse any en thusiasm *wlth Mr. Wilson as his op ponent. I predict, therefore, a very quiet campaign next year; so much the better for business." Builder* of Birmingham The Traders National bank in Its biographic series has the following In connection with Its October calendar: “Crawford Toy Johnson was born at Danville. Va.. on May 20, 1873, and was reared In Oxford, Mias. After graduat ing from the University of Mississippi, when only 17 years of age, he moved to , Chattanooga and entered the real estate and Insurance business. Later he became deputy clerk of the United States court, holding this position for eight years, aft er which he conducted a merchandise brokerage business. In 1902 he established the Birmingham Coca-Cola Bottling com pany. This business lias enjoyed a rap id and steady growth, induced to a large extent by his capable and progressive management and has become the largest single consumer of the syrum. The efficiency of the methods employed, and the success attained in the management of this enterprise, demonstrate Mir. John son's capacity for business administra tion, a quality which is responsible for his rise, ut an early age, to a very con spicuous position in the Birmingham dis trict. "Mr. Johnson has invested extensively in Birmingham real estate. He Is a di rector of the First National bank of Bir mingham and of the Farmers and Glnners Cotton Oil company, and has various oth er interest*. In recognition of his numer ous civic services, he was recently elected president of the Chamber of Commerce, and his administration, under trying com mercial condition.], has been most suc cessful." DISCOURAGED From the Buffalo News. The pian who spent the last years of his life trying to engrave the Declara tion of Independence on the head of a plr. and gave It up for the profession of journalism has gdne back to the pin again. The managing editor assigned him to a feature story: “How To Keep a Family of Six on 112 a Week." NOT YET From the Boston Advortlser. Anyway, they haven’t accused the Ger man crown prince of being addicted to furniture polish as a beverage—yet. AN UNLIKELY WINNER From the Louisville Courier Journal. If a breeder of horses had a colt by Messenger Boy out of Mischance' he'd name it Jimmy Archibald. ALABAMA PRESS Andalusia Star: They wouldn’t permit the electric chair. They believe the ox team is superior to the motor car. Selma Times: Peace talk is filtering through from Germany. Somebody is going to have to say something about! peace. That deadlock will not hold until j ail are dead. Huntsville Mercury: What sort of a prohibitionist is a "dry local optionist?" Who can answer?—Colbert County Re porter. He is the fellow who believes in the democratic principle of local self govern ment and practices it on himself. Gadsden Times-News: Burnett has never known anything but hard fights since he went to Congress 18 years ago, and he is threatened with a real and dan gerous contest within the party right now. The rearrangement of the district makes it safely democratic, which fact in itself makes other democrats hungry for Burnett’s job. Dothan News: Dothan’s .seaport on St. Andrew’s bay was fortunate in escaping damage in the recent tropical storm that swept the gukf coast from Galveston to Pensacola, taking its toll of death and destroying millions of dollars' worth of property. The waves ran high at Pana ma City, but little or no damage was done, other than that of delaying the steamer Brunswick, of the Dothan-New Orleans line. Mobile Item: The passing of Gen. Fred S. Ferguson recalls the memory of three Alabamians whose names are enrolled high on the honor roll of the dead of the state who fought and bled for their state and the south in the civil war, each of whom won distinction for valor. Gen eral Ferguson, Judge Price Williams of Mobile and Judge William Richardson of Huntsville, now gathered to their fathers, graduated in the same class at Wesleyan university, Florence Ala., in 1850. A little while thereafter they were called to arms. SENSIBLE OLD YUAN From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Since leaving China for this country, Prof. Frank A. Goodnow*, formerly of Co lumbia university, refuses to talk about his strong recommendation to Yuan ffhi Kai to make an Emperor out* of himself. And, indeed, what is there he could say to his own countrymen about that re markable plea to destroy the Chinese re public that contained more nonsequiturs than anything any other college professor, even a Chicago university professor, has written in years. As time goes on Mr. Goodnow will feel more and more like keeping mighty still about It. Yuan does not want to follow the ad vice He says that the Idea of changing from a modern President to a back-num 1 bet* Emperor is distasteful to him, and he may be sincere in it. Old Yuan seems to have a lot more sense than Professor Goodnow*. SLEEP-TALK DIVORCES HIM From the New York World. John Hutchinson talked in his sleep, so Is single today. Mrs. Mary Hutchinson, wife of a for mer Paretson, N. J., bartender, told on the stand in chancery chambers yester day how her husband murmured of ‘•Min nie” in slumber She convinced Vice Chan cellor Stevenson "Minnie” exists, and ob tained a divorce. Hutchinson denied talking in his sleep. "No, no,” he said, "I merely said, ‘How many?’ I must have thought I was tend ing bar.” Hutchinson was married while he w*as bartender and his wife ow*ned the Or pheum cafe. “DRESS UP WEEK** From the New Decatur Advertiser. I The city of Birmingham has officially ! proclaimed a "Dress Up Week,” which [happens along the same days as the Ala [ bama State Fair. On this occasion all cltisens are expected to put on their "best bib and tucker,” and let themselves be seen. Of course the people will have to buy themselves new clothes for the oc casion. This "dress up" idea works in a double sense, for every merchant will dress up his store and windows to catch the dress-up trade. It ought to be a busi ness getter. THE POWER OF SUGGESTION From the Woman's Journal. The teacher, wishing to impress on her pupils’ minds the vast population of China, said: "Think, children, tw*o China men die every time you draw a breath!” A mir.ute later her attention was attract ed to little Jimmie Jones, who stood puf fing vigorously, with face reddened and cheeks distended. "What is the matter, Jimmy?” asked the teacher. "What are you doing?” "Nothin', Miss Mary; just killin’ China men." t SUSPICIOUS From Tit-Bits. A worklngmun was being united to the lady of his choice at a certain church, and just before the moment for the pro duction of the ring the officiating clergy man leaned toward the bride and whis pered: "Please take off your glove." To his Intense dismay the bridegroom resented the action, and cried: "Here, mister, no whispering to my gal!" OLD FATHER ADAM From the New Orleans States. A Boston research society Is engaged in an effort ^o find what Adam looked like, but we are quite sure that nothing will be added to the sum of human happiness If It Anally discovers that he was bald headed and wore side whiskers. * ART IN MISSOURI From the Kansas City Times. Exhibiting in support of his claim an eight-leaf, Ave-color fan made from a piece of soft wood and with no too! other than a pocket knife, J. R. Ryin of Wright county modestly admits that he is the best whlttler in Missouri. THE PIONEERS From the New York Herald. However, Senator Kern and Representa tive Claude Kltchln can with conAdence dispute Henry Ford’s assumption of spe cial proprietorship In the Idea of a "jit ney defense.” THE LOWEST POLITICS From the Washington Star. Assertions that political capital was made of tKS'Frank case In Georgia repre cent about the worst thing yet said about American politics. EUROPE'S “HOPS’ DOG” I From the Washington Star. Even the "houn’ dog" has hadjiis cham pion In sentimental song; but no voice is i raised In protest against kicking Servia around. * —From the St. Louis Post Dlspatc ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES V FORGET IT. ' Though courage may fail you And Borrow* appear. The morning’s still bringing A message of cheer. The day that’s departed Will ne’er come again, And It’s often that way with Our heartache and pain. A REAL FAVOR. ’’It annoys me to be reading a war dis patch and come to a sentence In which the name of a town or fortress is repre sented by a dash,” said the fretful man. “That doesn’t worry me any,” replied the cheerful citizen.* "I should think It would.” "No. You see, I have an idea that I wouldn't be able to pronounce the name, anyway, and the censor saves me the trouble of trying.” A CELEBRITY. “There seems to be a great deal of riv alry between Dlngleville and Spotts town." "Yes,” replied the old resident, compla cently, ’’but Dinglevi'le put over one last week that will hold Spotstown for a while.” • „ "How was that?" "A Dinglevllle boy turned out to be a forger who was wanted In 20 states." SPLENDID. "General Bliggs is a fearless man, but Miss Bliggs does him credit.” "She seems to be a charming girl.” "So she Is, but I was referring to her personal bravery." “Yes?” "Last night I asked her if she were afraid of germs in kisses. She squared her lovely shoulders and said, 'I am my father's daughter, sir.’ " SENSIBLE PLAN. A lovely girl Is Polly Chtnners, And rightly classed Among the winners. When raising funds To help the needy, Appears to be Both apt and speedy And saves herself A lot of bother— She simply gets , A check from father. WHERE MONET FAILS. "I’m afraid that the rich have too mui power In ^is country," said the stude of poliSejH economy. "That may be true In some cases,” a mltted the observant person, "but I n tlce that when a rich man is in the deu of a hurry to get a telephone number 1 has to wait about as long as anybot e'ee." THE REASON. “Well. Tommy, I suppose you love yo teacher?” "No, eir.” ' "You ought not to talk that way. W1 don’t you love her?” "We are quite incompatible, sir,” replii the precocious youngster. SOMETHING WRONG HERE. j Alas, alack, For Susie Glinter! Her summer furs ' Must do this winter. —Birmingham Age-Herald Also, alas, For Susie Dorset! She'll have to wear Her last year’s hat. —Macon Telegraph, A CLEVER WOMAN. "I never deceive my wife.” "You deserve credit for that.” i "No. The credit belongs to her." "How so?” "I’m unable to spin a yarn she can’t s through." NOT A SANITARY DROP THERE Is water, water every where, but not a sanitary drop to drink! The major objection to our bac teriologists is that no Sooner do we in augurate a reform than they show up its fallacy. Only a little while ago these gentle men told us that the publio drinking cup was the greatest menace to health and bade us shout in unison: "Down with the public drinking cup," or "abolish the public drinking cup.” Obedient, as always, to the demands of soienoe, alive as always to the im portance of ' safeguarding public health, we shouted, long and lustily. The drinking cup was abolished. Someone invented a sanitary drinking fountain which was to have every merit of the bubbling spring at which £ome of us drank in childhood, "and then some." It would convey mu nicipally filtered and inspected water, free from the bacteria which may at times contaminate and render deadly the best of bubbling springs. Now comes the federal health serv ice, after all up-to-date institutions, properly regardful of public health, have Installed 'supposedly sanitary drinking fountains, to say that no fountain is sanitary unless all of those who drink from It drink in a safety first manner. An insanitary drinker may make the sanitary fountain "a greater menace to health than the com mon drinking cup.” If the lips of the drinker touch the fountain it is sanitary no longer, ac cording to the latest advices. “When mucous or other matter becomes at tached to the fountain it sometimes re quires considerable force to remove it, and this is not always done by a slow ly moving current of water. "And un der no conditions should the fountain be used for rinsing the, mouth.” Qhastly in its suggestiveness is this admonition! Are there persons who do so use the sanitary fountains? To quote a health service bulletin: "The other day an inspector of the United States public health service took a seat beside a bubbling drinking fountain In a railway station and watched the way In which It was used. He reported that 47 persons, of whom 11 were men, 22 were women and 14 were children, used the bubbling foun tain. In almost every case, the lips were placed almost completely around the metal ball from which the water spurted, and one small boy seemed as If he were trying to swallow It. Sev eral of"the men were chewing tobacco. Of the' 47 people,'four were colored. three looked as though they mig have tuberculosis, and three had i eruption upon the face.” Any device for promoting publ health which contemplates unlvers and Intelligently taken precautions a failure. Many of us jumped at tl sanitary fountain as a solution of tl problem created by the abolition of tl public drinking cup. Now we arg to that the fountain Is not more sanitai than the ' least sanitary drinker, at provided with illustrations of the i sanltarihess and Infected coiriltion many drinkers. Bo far so bad. No what next shall we do? Close the bul bling fountains, put a spigot In plai of the bubble and try sanitary drlnl ing cups? Will not the lconoclai who offered the revelation that t “old oaken bucket" was a purveyor disease; that the gourd at the eprlr menaced life; that the tin cup in tl railway station was more terrible thi an army with banners, find that ear tary drinking cups wouid be first ra sanitary devices but for the fact th they are made, or packed. In an 1 sanitary manner? Many df us may be driven fro water. But do the barkeepers sterlll the glasses? Are alcoholic beverag necessarily, and always, germicides? Is there any hope that a man m quench hie thirst and keep his healt A HALF BILLION DRAMA From the Boston Advertiser. The allies' envoys are now ready produce that thrilling drama, "A hoi in the Great City." THB PREFERENCE From the Baltimore American. "You know, Sally, you can put lnitiatl even In ^rour scrubbing." "Yes’m, but I'd rather use soft soap.’ ---- » PRESS THOU HIS HAND By Coventry Patmore. If thou hast bid thy friend farewell. But for one night though that farew may be, 1 Pi ess thou his hand In thine. How cankt thou tell how far from the Fate or eaprice may lead his steps ( that tomorrow comes? Men have been known to lightly turg t corner of a street. And days have grown to months, • months to lagging years Ere they have looked In loving e; again. Parting gt best Is undsrlaid With tears and pain. Therefore, leet sudden death should co between. Or time or distance, clasp with preset Arm The hand of him who goeth forth; j Unseen. Fate goeth too.