The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], October 05, 1915, Page FOUR, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
E. W. BARRETT. Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postolfice as second class matter un
der act of Congress March 3, 1879.
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald, year $6.00
Daily without Sunday. 4.00
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Daily and Sunday, three months.. 1.6J
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O. E. Young, L. D. Griffis and W. D.
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eling representatives of The Age-Herald
in its circulation department.
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without its author’s name. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned un
less stamps are enclosed for that pur
pose.
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not be responsible for money sent
through the mails. Address,
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office, Room- to
60, inclusive, Tribune building, New
York city; western business office.
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eign advertising.
TELEPHONE
Bril tprlvate exchange connecting all
dcpnrtmeuta) Main 41MIO.
1 hold It cowardice
To rest inlstriiatful, where a noble
heart
Hath pawn'd an open hand In algn
of love —Henry VI.
BEGINNING THE DAY—O Lord,
preserve me from trying to do too
much today. Remind me that It la
not how much, but how well, how
Sweetly, how contentedly, that
avalla. Remind me that there la an
other life lu which 1 ahall labor.
Give me to do my work quietly. For
•eaus* Saka. Amen.—II. >1- E.
_ —— . _— . ■ ..
Dreadnaught Still Supreme
When Germany’s successful under
sea warfare was apparently playing
havoc with British shipping, it was
proclaimed in some quarters that the
dreadnaught had proved a failure. It
would fall an easy victim to a sub
marine costing far less to build, ob
servers said. Immediately a cam
paign was started in this country for
building a great many submarines at
the expense of dreadnaughts.
The English admiralty was mean
time quietly going about the business
of coping with Germany's undersea
attacks. Strict secrecy was main
tained and the impression was cre
ated abroad that nothing could stop
the victorious career of the Germans.
However, Great Britain has developed
a successful plan for combatting the
submarine peril and as a result there
will be a modification of the tentative
plans adopted for the improvement of
the American navy during the coming
year. Confidential reports have been
received disclosing the fact that from
50 to 70 German submarines have
been destroyed by the use of nets, sub
marine telephones, new types of
mines and by covering the submarine
area with a fleet of swift motor
boats, armed with rapid fire guns.
The noticeable lull in Germany’s
subsea warfare was probably brought
about by something more urgent than
American diplomacy and lends color
to the British claims that they now
have the situation well in hand.
While the submarine of the high
power, seagoing type will continue to
be an extremely useful adjunct to a
navy and the United States should by
all means be provided with an ade
quate number of submarines, the
dreadnaught type remains supreme as
the most effective fighting force and
its prestige, for awhile threatened by
the submarine, has been fully re
stored. __
More Food; Better Farming
Marinette county, Wis., has a
farmer, W. C. Wyckoff, who has
cleared and cultivated 80 acres of
land without ever having a horse
upon the place.
Wyckoff is not a disciple of old
time methods either; in fact, he goes
to the other extreme and uses noth
ing but gasoline power. His 11-ton
tractor supplied all the power for
clearing and breaking the land, plow
ing, planting the crop and for culti
vating and harvesting it. For travel
ing Wyckoff uses his automobile and
therefore dispenses with a driving
horse.
Not many years ago men were har
vesting with scythe and cradle; then
the harvester brought a wonderful
change in farming methods and a
corresponding extension of farming
operations. Now the horse is proving
too slow and inefficient for modern
methods and the power tractor su
persedes man’s old-time friend.
Pessimists may deplore the dimin
ishing demand for the horse on senti
mental grounds, but the fact remains
that increased production is the result
of modern methods—and whatever
adds to the food supply increases gen
oral prosperity and betters conditions.
The population of the country is
steadily and rapidly increasing. Pro
duction must keep pace with this
growth, or poverty and hardship will
result in increasing ratio.
The Vvorld no longer needs “the
man with the hoe.” On the contrary,
J it needs the man with the best agri
cultural implement that can be de
vised, applied in the most efficient
way that agricultural scientists can
suggest.
Toward the American farmer turn
the eyes of a hungry world.
Cotton and Other Crops
With the bullish character of the
cotton market a slight falling off in
the estimated size of the crop was
enough to cause a Inrge advance in
price.
Several months ago a 12,5000,000
bale crop seemed probable, although a
few good guessers placed the figures
below 11,000,000. But for some weeks
cotton statisticians had settled on
11,000,000 bales as the year’s crop;
and the world had accepted that es
timate. When, therefore, the gov
ernment report as of September 25
came out yesterday with an estimate
of only 10,950,000 bales, speculators
and consumers were startled and the
price in New Orleans jumped about
|5 a bale.
Many farmers have been selling a
portion of their cotton crop at 11 to
11 1-2 cents. But if the producer will
only market gradually he will get 13
cents and more for his staple.
The high price levels of the past
few weeks have added greatly to the
wealth of the south, and if the farm
ers hold back some of their crop they
will get 15 cents to 18 cents; maybe
15 cents before Christmas.
Present prices are highly profitable
to the cotton grower, and as a result
of this year’s shortage and high values
there will be a tendency to increase
next year's acreage. There was an
appreciable reduction in acreage in
this year’s planting season. It may be
increased or brought back to normal
acreage next spring.
What must be guarded against is
overproduction. And the chief thing
to be striven for is a greater yield per
acre.
Crop diversification has been such a
success in Alabama this year that the
practice will not be slighted in 1916.
Alabama's 1915 record-breaking corn
crop of 71,000,000 bushels should be
exceeded the coming year. The plant
ing should be for 100,000,000 bushels,
With great crops of grain and forage,
cotton will be, instead of the “one
money crop" as of old, a surplus crop.
There should be no Increase in cot
ton acreage, but more intensive farm
ing. The world will probably need
from the south 16,000,000 bales next
year, but with progressive methods of
agriculture that enormous total should
be produced on a much smaller acre
age than was planted in 1914.
In view of the fact that the south
has produced its own foodstuffs this
year, the buoyant cotton situation has
made the farmer a mighty optimist.
Truly the year 1915 is a banner year
for Alabama.
A Unique Crusader
H. Abraham Cohen, who attracted
wide attention some years ago by
starting the Anti-Suicide league in
America, died recently in his office
in Paterson, N. J. He was a justice
of the peace and an auctioneer. When
the Anti-Suicide league was organ
ized Cohen obtained the signature of
more than 10,000 persons throughout
the country who pledged themselves
never to commit suicide.
There can be no doubt but that
Cohen thought he was working for
the good of his fellow man, and so
he was. Probably nine out of ten
persons who kill themselves do so on
the spur of the moment; in a fit of
passion or despair. Instant release
from this world of turmoil and trou
ble is what they want, so they take
the short cut to eternity.
A pledge, however lightly regarded,
is still a deterrent factor. Would that
all other promises made by frail mor
tals were as easy to keep!
So long ns Tom Marshall ' prays for
President Wilson and Count Von Bern
storff lends his valuable assistance In dip
lomatic crises, the country Is reasonably
safe from war.
Tile crowned heads of Europe apparently
put more credence in war dispatches than
the average newspaper reader. Else, why
do they congratulate each other?
The war In Europe may knock the props
from under the house of Hohenxollern, but
It Is putting reinforced concrete founda
tion under the house of Morgan.
The Panama canal Is again closed to
traffic by a landslide. If Senator Mor
gan were alive today, he might have
something to say about it.
The Germane censure the allies for em
ploying colored troops, but their own ally,
the Turk, is a worse oarbarlan than either
Indiana or Africans.
The military regulation of liquor selling
in Berlin is raising a howl among honeBt
Teutons who don't begin to get lit up un
til after 9 p. m.
A Kansas cyclone that merely blows
away a few barns is not in the same class
with a West Indian hurricane when it gets
Its dander up.
Dr. Dumba xaid he couldn't bother the
American people with a farewell message.
Good. idea. "Parting is such sweet sor
row.”
The price of beer has risen In New York,
but 'tls said that all the clerks in Wall
street are drinking champagne.
Judging from the anecdote column, the
average English Tommy spends most of
his time telling funny stories.
It was written, "split 60-50.’* It was
printed, "split 55.’* There ought to be a
reliable dictionary of slang.
A surgeon says radium is a mystery.
And its price effectually puts It beyond
the reach of the masses.
"Business as usual" does not apply to
Er>*Pt. Tourist cash is painfully scarce
in that country.
Oh, well, Bulgaria sat on the fence so
long it was sagging with her, anyhow.
RUSSIAN SECRET SERVICE
From Bruno’s Weekly.
(Scene: Private office in police head
quarters.)
President of Police: "If you join our
forces and decide to be a detective instead
of a revolutionists, you will be freed im
mediately! Otherwise you will be hanged
today! Your death warrant is as good
as signed ”
Revolutionist: "All right, I accept!”
Lieutenant of Police (thinking of him
self): "I have to report this immediately
to the revolutionary committee! Such a
wietched traitor!”
President of Police: "We are offering
you 1000 rubles if you betray to us the
plots of all the assassinations planned at
present.”
Police Sergeant (thinking for himself):
"Ob Lord! if he only does not betray
| me!"
Revolutionist: "They are preparing to
kill the village priest.”
Police Sergeant (thinking): "Blessed be
the Lord; he doesn’t seem to know any
thing about our plot!"
Revolutionist: "Dimitri Nicolaitsch was
chosen to kill him."
Police at the Door (thinking): "He evi
dently know'g what he is talking about.
The name is correct.”
Revolutionist: "Everything will be ready
tonVrrow evening at 8 o’clock. Then the
priest will be killed."
President Secretary (thinking): "In yes
terday’s meeting we postponed it till the
day after tomorrow.”
President of Police (in terrible rage, to
the revolutionist): "Ha! Scoundrel! So you
are going to betray the plans of our revo
lution! To hell with youl (He fires a shot
without injuring him.)
Revolutionist: "Place him under arrest!
I am the secretary of police!"
A Scrubbing Woman: "Then you must
die! (Throwing herself against his big
! frame she buries a stiletto in his heart.)
Policeman at the Door (trying to over
power her): "Nikollsch! What did you do
that for?" (The house is blown into the air
because the letter carrier stumbled over a
bomb as he came through the main en
trance.)
A TRIUMPH FOR SANTA CLAUS
From the Boston Herald. ,
Santa Claus has run the blockade.
Voicing the protests of millions of
American boys and girls, he smiled his
way into the private offices of the
great men in London and said: "What
have hobby-horses, and speaking dolls,
and music boxes and mechanical toys
to do with war? Why should the chil
dren across the ocean be deprived of
half the joy of Christmas because these
playthings were made In Germany?
Is it necessary for you to check the
laughter of these proteges of mine in
order to carry on your struggle with
the Kaiser? These toys w-ere made at
their firesides by the simple-hearted
peasant of Thuringia and Nuremburg,
and for them it was a joy as well as a
business. And unless you let these
toys leave Rotterdam my pack will be
half empty when I make my rounds
in America. Let them go."
For months the great men in Lon
don held out against the plea. These
w'ere German goods and the order of
proscription covered them. American
business men were anxious; their old
stocks w'ere almost exhausted, domes
tic production did not entirely supply
the deficiency, and Santa Claus, the
ambassador of good will to all the
world, presented again and again his
claims. And now the great men in
London have yielded. The embargo
which has brought America and Europe
to the verge of war has been lifted,
and what statesmen and diplomats
have failed to do Santa Claus has ac
complished.
. EUGENE SCHMITZ
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
San Francisco's satisfaction over the re
jection of Eugene Sch mitz's candidacy for
mayor may be tempered by the recollec
tion of the considerable strength he
shoved at the polls on Tuesday. He was
second in the betting with a field of eight
and. true to form, ran second In the
voting. Mayor Rolf was renominated and,
from the incomplete figures at hand, may
have been re-elected by the same voto.
The exposition city need not boast much
o.’ the performance. Schmitz gathered a
large following for his attempted come
back Had a less experienced man, one
less well known and without the prestige
of a successful administration of the
mayor's office, been opposed to Schmitz
the latter might well have succeeded in
his ambitious proposal.
Eugene Schmitz, it will be remembered,
was the mayor who with tho notorious
Abe Ruef scandalized the Pacific coast
with their municipal grafting and who,
in 1907, was convicted and sentenced to
a five-year term in the penitentiary. That
he never served his sentence did not af
fec: the fact of his guilt. Schmitz evi
dently thought San Francisco's memory
was shoi'U Tire result snows that while
the majority memory was still alive, there
were many thousands of Friscans who
either had forgotten or did not care.
GRANDMA’S HOUSE
From the Kansas City Times.
There are always prim or stately or
homely flowers nodding in the back gar
den. Within, there is always an old
fushioned clock-ticking atmosphere of
pleasant peace that will not fret the tem
pers of little boys and girls; always, eyes
the years have tilled with tender wisdom
to watch lovingly above the play of grand
children; always, cookies waiting In the
great, old, battered can In the pantry
fo- the arrival of sweetheart fingers; al
ways, a deep closet In which are the toys
of'bygone years, all patched and mended
by grandma when her little ones grew
away from them, and kept here by her
against this time, Just waiting. Such toys
that must suffer to be cast aside and
yet must be always ready and never fail
ing when next pudgy hands come to take
them up, hold the mellowest heartaches
In the world, and tragedies as great and
dumb as the worn shoes of babies who
went off on a day with the angels.
This is grandma's house. And the more
houses of grandma a city holds the more
blessed it is above ita fellows
NO USE TAKING CHANCES
From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
King Constantine of Greece prizes every
bit cult open with a fork nowadays tc
set if the Kalaer'a Sister Sophie slipped a
spider Into It.
HOTEL LOBBIES
_ 0_
The Good Honda Convention
"The annual meeting of the Alabama
Good Roads association, which meets
here Tuesday and Wednesday of next
week, will be very largely attended,”
said John *W. O’Neill, president of the
Jefferson county association, which will
act as host for the occasion.
"Secretary Rountree' has already re
ceived notice of the appointment of
700 or more deelgate*.
"The annual conventions have always
assembled the most enlightened and
enthusiastic good roads men in the
state and the forthcoming meeting will
be no exception to the rule."
Stiffen* Value* Here
The great industrial boom in this dis
trict and throughout the country is nat
urally enhancing values here," said S. E.
Thompson. "If prosperity continues well
into next year, and there is every promise
of a long period of good times, we may
look for a healthy activity in all lines
of realty business. There is already a
marked improvement In the real estate
market."
Sunday Concert Greatly Enjoyed
"The fact /that people crowded the
Strand theatre Sunday afternoon to hear
choice music—organ and orchestra and
several chorus numbers—proves how
much needed are such refining entertain
ments," said W. H. Makin. "At 3 p. m.
every seat was occupied and when the
programme was finished at 4, and the
I ouse emptied, another crow’d was wait
ing to hear the programme repeated. In
the two performances it is estimated that
nearly 3$00 people had been given a rare
musical treat. Mr. RIenzi Thomas played
beautiful organ pieces and the Strand
orchestra was received with great en
thusiasm in its selections from 'Trovatore.'
Mr. J. Bentin, the violinist of the or
chestra, played a solo at each concert—
Gounod's 'Ave Marla’ at the first and
something by Tchaikowsky at the second
concert.
"It is hoped we will have these Sunday
concerts often. The organ at the Strand
is one of the best ever heard in the
south."
The Drama League
"The remarkable programme meetings
to which membership cards in the Drama
league admit one are the subject of much
comment,” said Mrs. B. F. Wilkinson,
president of the local center.
"Birmingham people have always paid
the same price as our membership fee to
hear Mrs. Beacher alone. Her reading
of Echegaray’s, 'The Great Galeoto,’ is
magnificent and will be the opening event
on Tuesday afternoon at the Tutwiler.
The one-act skit of Pinero’s, 'The Play
goers,’ will be presented during Novem
ber, and Dr. F. H. Losey of state uni
versity, will give a lecture-recrtai on
Ibsen s 'Hosts.' in November. The pro
gramme committee is working out this
part of the league work with splendid
success.
"It’s the educational and artistic value
of the Drama league movement, that ap
peals to entertainers who are willing to
donate their services. The greatest actors
and actresses appear as luncheon speak
ers, or in short talks before the Drama
league in all of the centers. The study
of the drama tends to Improve the taste
of the audience so they demand better
«rmd higher class attractions, hence the
interest of the great artists and exponents
of the best in stagecraft. The very nomi
nal fee of admittance into the league is
simply a pledge that the members will
support the bulletined plays, and culti
vate^ taste for the reading of the printed
play. Nothing makes an auditor more
discriminating or critical in his taste than
a knowledge of the thought of the author
of the play. He will then demand from
the actor he goes to see correct Interpre
tation and technique."
The President!*! Campaign
"President Wilson will be renomi
nated by acclamation next year and
he will have an easy victory at the
polls; at any rate, that is the way It
looks now’," said P. W. Sayre of Chi
cago.
"I did not vote the democratic tick
et in 1912 but I expect to do so in 1916.
Mr. Wilson has made such a good Pres
ident that the country should make his
election unanimous.
x» "Even if the republicans nominate a
strong man for their standard bearer
he will not be able to arouse any en
thusiasm *wlth Mr. Wilson as his op
ponent. I predict, therefore, a very
quiet campaign next year; so much the
better for business."
Builder* of Birmingham
The Traders National bank in Its
biographic series has the following In
connection with Its October calendar:
“Crawford Toy Johnson was born at
Danville. Va.. on May 20, 1873, and was
reared In Oxford, Mias. After graduat
ing from the University of Mississippi,
when only 17 years of age, he moved to ,
Chattanooga and entered the real estate
and Insurance business. Later he became
deputy clerk of the United States court,
holding this position for eight years, aft
er which he conducted a merchandise
brokerage business. In 1902 he established
the Birmingham Coca-Cola Bottling com
pany. This business lias enjoyed a rap
id and steady growth, induced to a large
extent by his capable and progressive
management and has become the largest
single consumer of the syrum. The
efficiency of the methods employed, and
the success attained in the management
of this enterprise, demonstrate Mir. John
son's capacity for business administra
tion, a quality which is responsible for
his rise, ut an early age, to a very con
spicuous position in the Birmingham dis
trict.
"Mr. Johnson has invested extensively
in Birmingham real estate. He Is a di
rector of the First National bank of Bir
mingham and of the Farmers and Glnners
Cotton Oil company, and has various oth
er interest*. In recognition of his numer
ous civic services, he was recently elected
president of the Chamber of Commerce,
and his administration, under trying com
mercial condition.], has been most suc
cessful."
DISCOURAGED
From the Buffalo News.
The pian who spent the last years of
his life trying to engrave the Declara
tion of Independence on the head of a
plr. and gave It up for the profession of
journalism has gdne back to the pin again.
The managing editor assigned him to a
feature story: “How To Keep a Family
of Six on 112 a Week."
NOT YET
From the Boston Advortlser.
Anyway, they haven’t accused the Ger
man crown prince of being addicted to
furniture polish as a beverage—yet.
AN UNLIKELY WINNER
From the Louisville Courier Journal.
If a breeder of horses had a colt by
Messenger Boy out of Mischance' he'd
name it Jimmy Archibald.
ALABAMA PRESS
Andalusia Star: They wouldn’t permit
the electric chair. They believe the ox
team is superior to the motor car.
Selma Times: Peace talk is filtering
through from Germany. Somebody is
going to have to say something about!
peace. That deadlock will not hold until j
ail are dead.
Huntsville Mercury: What sort of a
prohibitionist is a "dry local optionist?"
Who can answer?—Colbert County Re
porter.
He is the fellow who believes in the
democratic principle of local self govern
ment and practices it on himself.
Gadsden Times-News: Burnett has
never known anything but hard fights
since he went to Congress 18 years ago,
and he is threatened with a real and dan
gerous contest within the party right
now. The rearrangement of the district
makes it safely democratic, which fact in
itself makes other democrats hungry for
Burnett’s job.
Dothan News: Dothan’s .seaport on St.
Andrew’s bay was fortunate in escaping
damage in the recent tropical storm that
swept the gukf coast from Galveston to
Pensacola, taking its toll of death and
destroying millions of dollars' worth of
property. The waves ran high at Pana
ma City, but little or no damage was
done, other than that of delaying the
steamer Brunswick, of the Dothan-New
Orleans line.
Mobile Item: The passing of Gen. Fred
S. Ferguson recalls the memory of three
Alabamians whose names are enrolled
high on the honor roll of the dead of the
state who fought and bled for their
state and the south in the civil war, each
of whom won distinction for valor. Gen
eral Ferguson, Judge Price Williams of
Mobile and Judge William Richardson of
Huntsville, now gathered to their fathers,
graduated in the same class at Wesleyan
university, Florence Ala., in 1850. A little
while thereafter they were called to arms.
SENSIBLE OLD YUAN
From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Since leaving China for this country,
Prof. Frank A. Goodnow*, formerly of Co
lumbia university, refuses to talk about
his strong recommendation to Yuan ffhi
Kai to make an Emperor out* of himself.
And, indeed, what is there he could
say to his own countrymen about that re
markable plea to destroy the Chinese re
public that contained more nonsequiturs
than anything any other college professor,
even a Chicago university professor, has
written in years. As time goes on Mr.
Goodnow will feel more and more like
keeping mighty still about It.
Yuan does not want to follow the ad
vice He says that the Idea of changing
from a modern President to a back-num
1 bet* Emperor is distasteful to him, and
he may be sincere in it.
Old Yuan seems to have a lot more sense
than Professor Goodnow*.
SLEEP-TALK DIVORCES HIM
From the New York World.
John Hutchinson talked in his sleep,
so Is single today.
Mrs. Mary Hutchinson, wife of a for
mer Paretson, N. J., bartender, told on
the stand in chancery chambers yester
day how her husband murmured of ‘•Min
nie” in slumber She convinced Vice Chan
cellor Stevenson "Minnie” exists, and ob
tained a divorce.
Hutchinson denied talking in his sleep.
"No, no,” he said, "I merely said, ‘How
many?’ I must have thought I was tend
ing bar.”
Hutchinson was married while he w*as
bartender and his wife ow*ned the Or
pheum cafe.
“DRESS UP WEEK**
From the New Decatur Advertiser.
I The city of Birmingham has officially
! proclaimed a "Dress Up Week,” which
[happens along the same days as the Ala
[ bama State Fair. On this occasion all
cltisens are expected to put on their "best
bib and tucker,” and let themselves be
seen. Of course the people will have to
buy themselves new clothes for the oc
casion. This "dress up" idea works in a
double sense, for every merchant will
dress up his store and windows to catch
the dress-up trade. It ought to be a busi
ness getter.
THE POWER OF SUGGESTION
From the Woman's Journal.
The teacher, wishing to impress on her
pupils’ minds the vast population of
China, said: "Think, children, tw*o China
men die every time you draw a breath!”
A mir.ute later her attention was attract
ed to little Jimmie Jones, who stood puf
fing vigorously, with face reddened and
cheeks distended.
"What is the matter, Jimmy?” asked the
teacher. "What are you doing?”
"Nothin', Miss Mary; just killin’ China
men."
t
SUSPICIOUS
From Tit-Bits.
A worklngmun was being united to the
lady of his choice at a certain church,
and just before the moment for the pro
duction of the ring the officiating clergy
man leaned toward the bride and whis
pered:
"Please take off your glove."
To his Intense dismay the bridegroom
resented the action, and cried:
"Here, mister, no whispering to my
gal!"
OLD FATHER ADAM
From the New Orleans States.
A Boston research society Is engaged in
an effort ^o find what Adam looked like,
but we are quite sure that nothing will
be added to the sum of human happiness
If It Anally discovers that he was bald
headed and wore side whiskers. *
ART IN MISSOURI
From the Kansas City Times.
Exhibiting in support of his claim an
eight-leaf, Ave-color fan made from a
piece of soft wood and with no too! other
than a pocket knife, J. R. Ryin of Wright
county modestly admits that he is the best
whlttler in Missouri.
THE PIONEERS
From the New York Herald.
However, Senator Kern and Representa
tive Claude Kltchln can with conAdence
dispute Henry Ford’s assumption of spe
cial proprietorship In the Idea of a "jit
ney defense.”
THE LOWEST POLITICS
From the Washington Star.
Assertions that political capital was
made of tKS'Frank case In Georgia repre
cent about the worst thing yet said about
American politics.
EUROPE'S “HOPS’ DOG” I
From the Washington Star.
Even the "houn’ dog" has hadjiis cham
pion In sentimental song; but no voice is
i raised In protest against kicking Servia
around. *
—From the St. Louis Post Dlspatc
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
V FORGET IT. '
Though courage may fail you
And Borrow* appear.
The morning’s still bringing
A message of cheer.
The day that’s departed
Will ne’er come again,
And It’s often that way with
Our heartache and pain.
A REAL FAVOR.
’’It annoys me to be reading a war dis
patch and come to a sentence In which
the name of a town or fortress is repre
sented by a dash,” said the fretful man.
“That doesn’t worry me any,” replied
the cheerful citizen.*
"I should think It would.”
"No. You see, I have an idea that I
wouldn't be able to pronounce the name,
anyway, and the censor saves me the
trouble of trying.”
A CELEBRITY.
“There seems to be a great deal of riv
alry between Dlngleville and Spotts
town."
"Yes,” replied the old resident, compla
cently, ’’but Dinglevi'le put over one last
week that will hold Spotstown for a
while.” • „
"How was that?"
"A Dinglevllle boy turned out to be a
forger who was wanted In 20 states."
SPLENDID.
"General Bliggs is a fearless man, but
Miss Bliggs does him credit.”
"She seems to be a charming girl.”
"So she Is, but I was referring to her
personal bravery."
“Yes?”
"Last night I asked her if she were
afraid of germs in kisses. She squared
her lovely shoulders and said, 'I am my
father's daughter, sir.’ "
SENSIBLE PLAN.
A lovely girl
Is Polly Chtnners,
And rightly classed
Among the winners.
When raising funds
To help the needy,
Appears to be
Both apt and speedy
And saves herself
A lot of bother—
She simply gets ,
A check from father.
WHERE MONET FAILS.
"I’m afraid that the rich have too mui
power In ^is country," said the stude
of poliSejH economy.
"That may be true In some cases,” a
mltted the observant person, "but I n
tlce that when a rich man is in the deu
of a hurry to get a telephone number 1
has to wait about as long as anybot
e'ee."
THE REASON.
“Well. Tommy, I suppose you love yo
teacher?”
"No, eir.” '
"You ought not to talk that way. W1
don’t you love her?”
"We are quite incompatible, sir,” replii
the precocious youngster.
SOMETHING WRONG HERE. j
Alas, alack,
For Susie Glinter!
Her summer furs '
Must do this winter.
—Birmingham Age-Herald
Also, alas,
For Susie Dorset!
She'll have to wear
Her last year’s hat.
—Macon Telegraph,
A CLEVER WOMAN.
"I never deceive my wife.”
"You deserve credit for that.” i
"No. The credit belongs to her."
"How so?”
"I’m unable to spin a yarn she can’t s
through."
NOT A SANITARY DROP
THERE Is water, water every
where, but not a sanitary drop to
drink!
The major objection to our bac
teriologists is that no Sooner do we in
augurate a reform than they show up
its fallacy.
Only a little while ago these gentle
men told us that the publio drinking
cup was the greatest menace to health
and bade us shout in unison: "Down
with the public drinking cup," or
"abolish the public drinking cup.”
Obedient, as always, to the demands
of soienoe, alive as always to the im
portance of ' safeguarding public
health, we shouted, long and lustily.
The drinking cup was abolished.
Someone invented a sanitary drinking
fountain which was to have every
merit of the bubbling spring at which
£ome of us drank in childhood, "and
then some." It would convey mu
nicipally filtered and inspected water,
free from the bacteria which may at
times contaminate and render deadly
the best of bubbling springs.
Now comes the federal health serv
ice, after all up-to-date institutions,
properly regardful of public health,
have Installed 'supposedly sanitary
drinking fountains, to say that no
fountain is sanitary unless all of those
who drink from It drink in a safety
first manner. An insanitary drinker
may make the sanitary fountain "a
greater menace to health than the com
mon drinking cup.”
If the lips of the drinker touch the
fountain it is sanitary no longer, ac
cording to the latest advices. “When
mucous or other matter becomes at
tached to the fountain it sometimes re
quires considerable force to remove it,
and this is not always done by a slow
ly moving current of water. "And un
der no conditions should the fountain
be used for rinsing the, mouth.”
Qhastly in its suggestiveness is this
admonition! Are there persons who do
so use the sanitary fountains?
To quote a health service bulletin:
"The other day an inspector of the
United States public health service
took a seat beside a bubbling drinking
fountain In a railway station and
watched the way In which It was used.
He reported that 47 persons, of whom
11 were men, 22 were women and 14
were children, used the bubbling foun
tain. In almost every case, the lips
were placed almost completely around
the metal ball from which the water
spurted, and one small boy seemed as
If he were trying to swallow It. Sev
eral of"the men were chewing tobacco.
Of the' 47 people,'four were colored.
three looked as though they mig
have tuberculosis, and three had i
eruption upon the face.”
Any device for promoting publ
health which contemplates unlvers
and Intelligently taken precautions
a failure. Many of us jumped at tl
sanitary fountain as a solution of tl
problem created by the abolition of tl
public drinking cup. Now we arg to
that the fountain Is not more sanitai
than the ' least sanitary drinker, at
provided with illustrations of the i
sanltarihess and Infected coiriltion
many drinkers. Bo far so bad. No
what next shall we do? Close the bul
bling fountains, put a spigot In plai
of the bubble and try sanitary drlnl
ing cups? Will not the lconoclai
who offered the revelation that t
“old oaken bucket" was a purveyor
disease; that the gourd at the eprlr
menaced life; that the tin cup in tl
railway station was more terrible thi
an army with banners, find that ear
tary drinking cups wouid be first ra
sanitary devices but for the fact th
they are made, or packed. In an 1
sanitary manner?
Many df us may be driven fro
water. But do the barkeepers sterlll
the glasses? Are alcoholic beverag
necessarily, and always, germicides?
Is there any hope that a man m
quench hie thirst and keep his healt
A HALF BILLION DRAMA
From the Boston Advertiser.
The allies' envoys are now ready
produce that thrilling drama, "A hoi
in the Great City."
THB PREFERENCE
From the Baltimore American.
"You know, Sally, you can put lnitiatl
even In ^rour scrubbing."
"Yes’m, but I'd rather use soft soap.’
---- »
PRESS THOU HIS HAND
By Coventry Patmore.
If thou hast bid thy friend farewell.
But for one night though that farew
may be, 1
Pi ess thou his hand In thine.
How cankt thou tell how far from the
Fate or eaprice may lead his steps (
that tomorrow comes?
Men have been known to lightly turg t
corner of a street.
And days have grown to months, •
months to lagging years
Ere they have looked In loving e;
again.
Parting gt best Is undsrlaid
With tears and pain.
Therefore, leet sudden death should co
between.
Or time or distance, clasp with preset
Arm
The hand of him who goeth forth; j
Unseen. Fate goeth too.