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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, March 27, 1918, Image 4

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THE AGE-HERALD
K. W. BARRETT.Editor
j^iuered at the Birmingham, Aia.,
postoffice as second-class matter^un
tlei act of Congress, March 8, 1879.
Daily and Sunday Age-llerald, year $8.00
DUly without Sunday . 6*?jj
Daily and Sunday, per month....
Daily and Sunday, three months L OO
Sunday Age-Herald, per annum.. 2.00
Thursday’s edition, per annum-. .23
No communication will be published |
without Us author's rtame. Rejected
manuscript will not be returned unless
stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
Remittances can be made at current
rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will
not be responsible for money sent
through the malls. Address.
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Covenl Garden, London.
Eastern business office. Rooms 48 to
CO, inclusive, Tribune building, New
York city; western business office,
Tribune building, Chicago. The S. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, agents for
foreign advertising.
Member of the Associated Press
The Age-Herald is the only morning
and Sunday newspaper in Birmingham
carrying the Associated Press dis
patches.
The Associated Press Is exclusively
entitled to the use for republication
of all news dispatches credited to it
or not otherwise credited in this paper
and also the local news published
licr in.
All rights of republication of spe
cial dispatches herein are also re
served.
TELEPHONE
Hell (private exchange connecting
nil departmciitol Main 4000.
O spirit of love, how quick and fresh
art thou! —Twelfth Night.
* * ¥
BEGINNING THE DAY—Give ns
eyes to discern epochs. "We have
studied the crises of the past, we
heboid them for in the future hung
on “Ifs” and ‘‘and*’’? while every
day our feet stumble on them—
every honr we meet them. God,
awaken me to the fact that just
now, immediately before, at my
face. Is the crisis. Amen.—II. 31. E.
g g g
Women As Patriotic
Campaign Organizers
IT is safe- to assume that no patri
otic campaign has been more
thoroughly organized than that which
the women of Alabama have inaugu
rated for the Third Liberty Loan.
Mrs. Solon Jacobs, as state chair
man, is supported by earnest and able
county leaders, and every section will
give a good account of itself next
month when the government will of
fer three billion dollars’ worth of
Liberty Bonds.
The women did effective work in
the Second Liberty Loan campaign,
but being better organized now they
are determined to make a much great
er record of achievement.
In Birmingham a notable event of
the week will be the visit of Dr.
Anna Shaw, general chairman of the
women’s national campaign for sell
ing Liberty Bonds. She comes tomor
row and in the afternoon will deliver
an address at the First Methodist
church, to which the public is invited.
Among all the brilliant female ora
tors in this country she stands pre
eminent. And while the patriotic
solidarity of the women of Birming
ham is an outstanding feature of our
war activities, the message that Dr.
Shaw brings and her burning elo
quence will infuse still more of the
spirit of confidence into the campaign.
In this connection it is a noteworthy
fact that no slackers are found in the
ranks of the women of Alabama.
There are not many among the men.
It is a shame that there should be
even one man who is not true to his
country and ready to make sacrifices
and die if need be for the winning of
the war. Not only are all the women
loyal, but they are wholehearted and
eager to do everything possible to aid
the government in the conduct of the
war.
Every man who hears Dr. Shaw, no
matter how glowing his patriotism,
will feel a certain exaltation that will
make his patriotism all the more com
pelling. And the women! They could
not be more keyed up than they are,
but they will get fresh inspiration and
that of itself is always worth while.
* ¥ *
Our Troops protected
By French Aviators
The French on both shies of the
American sector have been protecting
the American front against the enemy
air raids, but at times they are too
busy elsewhere to afford adequate
protection, with the result that the
German airplanes have absolute free
dom. At times, he said, the Germans
flew so low that the Americans were
able to fire at them with revolvers.
—Associated Press Dispatch.
HE information contained in the
“ dispatch quoted above has been
published before but -in this case it
is confirmed by General Wood, who
recently returned from France. It
may do no good to cry over spilt milk,
but the deplorable situation of our
troops abroad, in the matter of air
planes, and ordnance, is due to our
lack of foresight—to our disastrous
delay insetting ready for a war that
- was inevitable and was recognized as
inevitable by many Americans. Their
voices, General Wood’s among them,
were lifted in vain.
It is assumed that our airplane pro
gramme is now being carried out with
speed and efficiency, but we are still
confronted by the fact that our air
service in France does not yet exist.
We are said to have 1000 aviators
without planes to fly in.
The French now have their hands :
full in stemming the German offen- 1
sive. If they are able to protect our
troops from German airmen, they can
only do so by weakening their own |
resistance. It is painful to think of
those hard-pressed Frenchmen trying
to take care of their new allies who
were expected to be an aid and not 1
a hindrance—certainly not dependent
on them for assistance. When the
French aviators are “too busy else
where,” our troops are exposed to air
raids, with no other protection than
revolvers and machine guns, virtually
placing them at the mercy of Hun
raiders.
In time we shall do better, but we
are paying, and our allies are paying,
heavily for our unpreparedness.
# * #
Conserving1 Alabama’s
Young Womanhood
GOOD progress has been made in
the local campaign to raise
funds for the Girls’ Training school,
a state institution which has been too
long neglected. The small sum of
$15,000 is till that is asked of Bir
mingham. The balance to make up
$50,000 will be raised in the state.
This sum, with the appropriation of
$50,000 to be released by Governor
Henderson, will provide a home wor
thy of the name for Alabama’s young
women who need correction and cave.
There are many worth while causes
to aid in these times of strife and un
certainty, but none should have a
stronger appeal for the big-heartod
men and women of Birmingham than
the girls’ school. There are hundreds
of young women and young girls
in the state today, friendless and
homeless, who are doomed to death
and worse than death unless they are
saved. Many of them would be in the
school now, if there were accommoda
tions for them. Not a few have been
turned away for the same reason.
We have done well for the boys of
Alabama. We are justly proud of it.
The girls’ school is a reflection—a
sad commentary on our indifference
to those who are equally unfortunate
and equally deserving.
About half of the needed sum was
raised yesterday. The remainder
should be donated today. The devoted
men and women who are working for
this cause are inspired by a lofty mo
tive. They will succeed. Their ambi
tion to provide a real home and school
for Alabama’s-dependent girls will be
realized.
¥ * ¥
Graphite Now An
Important Asset
FOR many years Alabama has been
widely advertised as a state of
rich and varied resources. Coal and
iron have attracted capital in large
volume, and in steel making the Bir
mingham district has made rapid
progress.
Alabama’s lumber interest has
added greatly to the wealth df the
state, and agriculturally Alabama’s
possibilities are practically limitless.
And in the recent past a new and
valuable industry—that of graphite
milling—has come well to the front.
Graphite, which is used in the manu
facture of crucible steel, is in greater
demand than ever. There was a time
when practically all the graphite was
imported, but Alabama’s output is
steadily increasing, and at the pres
ent rate of development this state will
be sufficient in the near futurei to
supply the country’s need.
The government, in placing an em
bargo on graphite importation for
three months and the restriction of
imports for the remainder of the
year to five thousand tons, has had
the effect of accentuating the im
portance of the Alabama field and
drawing public attention to the value
of a comparatively new-found mineral
from an investment as well as indus
trial point of view.
Clay and Coosa counties are Ala
bama's chief graphite producers, and
they are sure to grow rich. A day
or two ago the Associated Press ex
ploited the industry in an interesting
way, when announcing the embargo
on importation. It said: “The princi-1
pal source of the domestic supply of
graphite is in Alabama and the re
duction of importation is made on the
assumption that the production from
that district will be increased consid
Aably. Alabama producers have ex
pressed confidence that the increase
will be made and that standardization
| of domestic graphite, which is regard
1 ed as necessary to enable it to compete
with the imported article, also will be
jffected.”
Gold is found in several states of
;he south, but as alluring as the min
ng of the precious metal is it is dif
ficult in this part of the country to
iperate a mine at a profit.
But with graphite it is different.
iVith ample capital and modern mill
ng machinery any good graphite rock
:an be made to pay big dividends.
HE subject upon which the four
minute men will speak this
veek is “Farm and Garden.” In
svery part of the United States these
sarnest and eloquent orators will en
l^avor to arouse farmers and vege
;able growers to the importance of
loing their utmost to increase food
iroduction and thereby help win the
war. They will be heard in play
houses, moving picture houses, con
:ert halls, churches, schoolhouses and
wherever crowds are wont to gather.
The war garden campaign resulted
n a high degree of enthusiasm among
louseholders with garden space and
t is reasonable to assume that this
gear’s yield of vegetables will be the
argest ever known; and as for the
farm, increased acreage promises
aumper crops.
Enormous production will be needed
for the winning of the war and the
snly wav to' secure it will be for every
farmer to cultivate every acre of
ground available. The farmers of
Alabama are alive to the gravity of
the situation and will give a good ac
count of themselves in this crisis.
Even if the war were to come to an
end this spring, there would be an im
perative demand for food, both for
domestic consumption and export.
The tillers of the soil, as a rule, real
ize these thihgs, but the four-minute
talkers will accomplish much good if
they do nothing more than add to the
morale of the people by their brief
but animating addresses. And at the
present time and until peace negotia
tions begin too much stress cannot be
[gid on patriotic oratory or other
agencies for heartening the public.
¥ ¥ *
Farm and Garden
to Be the Theme.
The negro who said a certain gun could
shoot so far that “a nigger might run
all day an’ git hit 'bout supper time,”
must have been thinking about that
German gun which is reported to have
bombarded Paris at a distance of more
than 70 miles.
¥ # flp
A Birmingham man, now an officer in
Pershing's army, writes that he saw all
he wanted to see of the Eiffel tower from
a speeding taxicab. The Eiffel tower is
like the "Washington monument—it can
be taken in at a glance.
* * *
"Baltimore is to be given the oppor
tunity to see a tank in action,” says the
Baltimore American. However, this par
ticular tank will not be full of Balti
more’s justly famous rye.
# V ^
The ipventor of the Browming maclfine
gun has been inventing famous weapons
for years, but he lias just now become
a celebrity. He simply had no use for
a press agent.
* &
Something worth while has been ac
complished when a confirmed ukulele
player is induced to take up Red Cross
work and devote all her spare time to it.
* # #
“Dead men tell no tales” is an old say
ing, but every dead Britbn and every j
dead Frenchman on the soil of France
tells a story of heroic sacrifice.
* *
Thousands of fountain pens are poised
above an equal number of checkbooks
in anticipation of the next Liberty Loan.
¥ * *
The newspaper that doesn’t display
seven and eight-column headlines these
days may not be dead, but it’s sleeping.
* * *
The first thing we Know, alarmists win
be telling us of German tanks able to
swim the English channel.
¥ ¥ ¥
The Kaiser is receiving compliments
with his accustomed modesty—which
means none whatever.
¥ ¥ ¥
In spite of Maxim silencers and bray
less mules, war continues to create a
great deal of noise.
¥ ¥ ¥
A pick or a rifle, it’s all one to those
gallant American engineers when caught
in a German drive.
¥ ¥ ¥
One kind of magazine article we never,
never read is entitled: “Why I Became
a Movie Star."
¥ ¥ ¥
A prayer for General Haig is a prayer
for the world's democracies.
11 HUM’S V NEW CUTTING STEEI,.
From the Popular Science Monthly.
Word lias come that is of much in
terest to Aunerican mechanics. The Eng
lish have recently Invented a strong and
superior high-speed steel. Such news to
the layman may mean little; but to
those who know, it is as welcome as
the news of a great^and victory. Why?
Because that side which can turn out
war machinery the fastest will win the
war
With this new tool steel—“Colbalt
cri.m," it is called—engines and guns can
be worked faster without the added heat
that develops and affects hardness and
rigidity.
Tools of this steel can be oast Into
shapes, and casting is the quickest known
way of making any tool. There are few
steels, however, which by casting them
do not become brittle. “Colbaltcrom
steel," nevertheless, can be made in this
manner Instead of having to be forged
.and rolled, two very much lengthier and
more expensive processes.
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
AND ELSEWHERE
Soldlern Clean Bunch
“I was in Birmingham a month or
so ago,” sa^ Dr. W. F. Yarborough,
state secretary Of the Baptist ^oard of
missions in Alabama, with headquar
ters in Montgomery, "and there was a
train load of soldier boys at the Ter
minal on their way to a port to em
bark.
“It was a clean, manly crowd of
chaps. I, lounged about and heard
them talk, and there wasn't a bit of
vulgarity or profanity. Soon the train
pulled out and someone struck up the
familiar gospel hymn: “When the Roll
is Called Up Yonder,” and when hun
dreds of voices sang out: “I'll Be
There,” I breathed out a prayer to our
Heavenly P”ather that in His own good
time and way He would bring them
safely home."
Some Humorous Patriotism
“Yes, we* have some funny experi
ences in connection xvith the income
tax,” said John D. McNeel, collector of
internal revenue, with headquarters at
the postoffice building here.
“The other day a man came in and
after an hour’s work in making out
his schedule, he learned that he owed 1
the government just 2 cents. He pulled
out two coppers, and, without realizing j
how funny it was going to sound, said, !
with great patriotic fervor: ‘I wish to !
the Lord I owed Uncle Sam five times j
as much.’ It seems he was wishful to j
at least part with a dime to help tyis
country lick the Kaiser.”
“Dry*1 In Sumter
“I have never seen the rivers and
creeks as low as they are at this pres
ent time,” said Banker Nichols of Liv
ingston.
“It has been mighty dry down our
way for a month or so. The ground
is too hard to plow, but the crops al
ready sown are in good shape. Cattle
is still mighty good collateral in Sum
ter. WTe haven’t entirely turned our
backs on cotton, for we keep glancing
over our shoulders at it, but we are
facing toward corn, peanuts and \*elvct
beans as our sure-enough money
crops.”
“Scotty” Loves His Job
“Yes, I get a lot of fun out of my
job as an umpire in the Southern
league,” said our own “Scotty” Ches
nutt, who is a truer harbinger of
spring than is the bluebird, and very
much more colorful.
“In the first place, I love the game,
and then in the next place, it gives
me a chance to satisfy my ‘wanderlust’
in a small and inexpensive way, for in
making a tour of the circuit I get the I
flavor of the pick of the southern
towns, and they are the most aromatic
in the land.”
JIUIlti MIV|, Li t t IV
From the Youngstown Telegram.
The Question how much a hoy or girl
is worth Is a much disputed one, but it
is not too much for German efficiency
to solve. In connection with the work
of raising funds for Polish relief, the
the relief committee publishes a procla
mation recently pasted on the walls at
Warsaw, Poland, which reads:
“* * * The German government sug
gests that mothers having children
should send them to Germany to be
brought up and educated. Mothers who
are willing to make this arrangement
will receive the sum of 150 marks for a
boy and 100 marks for a girl. No other
aid will be given." Signed)
GOYr. GEN. VON BESELER.
In other words, the Prussian system
considers a male child worth slightly
more than $30 and a female child worth
less than $20. The mothers and fathers
of Poland are asked to sell their chil
dren outright, to be brought up in Ger
many as Germans. There is not even a
primitive humane purpose back of this
barbarous proposal. If the children
could not be made useful Prussia would
much rather kill them, but with the
birth rate of Germany naturally de
creased by the war and the death rate
naturally increased means are being de
vised to find soldiers for further wars
and mothers of soldiers for further wars.
Since these cannot be bred fast enough,
Germany proposes to buy them.
Kultur and efficiency are wonderful
things. Their exponents would see noth
ing wrong in similar kind offers to
American mothers and fathers to sell
their children at $20 to $30 a head.
\\ K 1,1, KNOWN m an
From the Macon News.
The Russian bolsheviki have named
one Ioffe as ambassador to France. He
was the Russian negotiator at t.he
Brest-Litovsk peace conference and he
is also No. 710 in the rogues' gallery
of the French anthropometric depart
ment.
LI IvK M’LUKE SAYS
Being an intelligent man you have often
noticed that the delay is always on the
other end of the line.
Always l>e punctual when you jnake an
engagement. It will give you a half
hour of leisure while you are waiting lor
the other fellow to show up.
Once in a while a married woman is
worked to death. Once in a while a
married man is talked to death.
We hate to revise a saw that has stood
the test of many centuries. But tho
I truth of the matter is that love of other
I people’s money is the root of most evil.
I There are so many nice dogs that it is
I hard for a man to believe in the theory
! of transmigration of souls.
! You think that the biggest fool in the
[world is the other fellow. And that is
(just what the other fellow is thinking
of you.
I You may not believe it. But the surest
I way to please nobody is to try to please
I everybody.
j Once in a while you run into a man
who doesn’t suffer from the pangs of re
[ morse because his conscience has lost
I its voice from overwork.
| Love is a wonderful thing. It is re
sponsible for most of the happiness and
a lot of the unhappiness in the world.
Human hair is worth $60 a pound. But
many a man who is getting bald values
what he has on his dome at $60 per hair.
Another thing we know is that a girl
never sits with her legs crossed so you
can see a knee-high expanse of stocking
unless she has those kind of legs.
One reason why we are fond of the
heathens is because the heathens never
quarrel over religion.
And once in a while you meet the kind
of man who will knock off work and sit
down and lecture you on the evils of lazi
ness for two solid hours.
This is a great country in which a lot
of men believe thatg liberty gives them
the right to do as they please and the
right to make their neighbors do as tney
want them to do.
MEN, WOMEN
AND THINGS
A city is not great merely because ot
its wealth, its trade, its towering build
ings, its elegant homes, its commodious
churches, its spacious theatres, its wide
avenues, its attractive parks. It may
have all these and yet lack the one
thing which makes it truly great—a citi
zenship imbued with civic pride, social
righteousness and public spirit.
Birmingham has all the physical re
quirements for a great city. For years
it has been known as “The Magic City.”
Its growth and prosperity ’ has been a
marvel, but it has only been in the
last year that it has truly found itself
and gotten a name as a city with a soul—
a city which lives nof for itself alone,
but a city wrhich gets its greatest Joy
in service.
Oh, all along we have had public spir
ited men and women, but the great ma
jority were busy about their own sel
fish Interests and gave no time or
thought to the public good, and then
the war broke and as its needs began
to develop, more people began to see
that it was not right to go about their
business as usual, and the circle of citi
zens who were ready to help in any
worthy enterprise began to grow larger
until now it takes in the entire citizen
ship.
I well remember the time that you could
hardly get a half-dozen men to come to
lunch, no matter how urgent or merito
rious the object might be. Business men
had not yet learned that they owed some
thing to the public, and were failing In
their duty and not rising to their high
privileges if they were willing to “eat
their bread alone.” This was the dawn
ing of a social consciousness.
To give a concrete instance, I recall
when the question of buying a lot or
purchasing a building for state Baptist
headquarters and moving the state board
from Montgomery to Birmingham one of
the main objections urged against the
change was that in busy Birmingham it
would be impossible to get a board which
would take the time to attend the meet
| ings and transact the necessary business,
j There wTere, of course, other causes, but
this had its influence in preventing Bir
mingham from landing it.
Now, I am not going to take up the
question ot why we failed to land cer
tain government enterprises which would
have been great things for the city, but
it is an open secret that it was because
of conflicting Interests and a woeful
lack of team play. That we failed may
have been a blessing in disguise, for it
at least brought us to our senses that the
“dog In the manger'' policy was suicidal.
1, however, rather choose to look upon
It as an evolution In the minds of the
people for a higher Ideal. The cry was
to go out and get something for Bir
mingham, and we had not yet learned the
art of pulling together, and we failed,
and for awhile we were tempted to make
vvrj' faces at Washington, and to criticise
the administration for not giving us a
| plum or two when they were being
showered on sister cities. Many were
inclined to sulk.
But thank God it was but a tempo
rary react:oik caused by disappointment.
Then there crept Into our thinking a
new conception pitched on a loftier plain.
Ill place of thinking what can we get
from Uncle Sam, we began at first tim
idly to whisper among ourselves what
can we give him to help win the war.
1 It wasn't long before we got bolder, and
the cry went up, let's get Into the fight
and do our part. We had been put to the
acid test and demonstrated to the world
that Birmingham waa pure gold.
• • «
It took us quite awhile to find/our
selves, but we put the Liberty Loan over
in great sl>ape. We went way beyond
our apportionment in the Ited Cross
drive. We rolled lip a surplus for the
army Young Men's Christian association.
We are in'the thick of the fight for the
Thrift Stamp assessment, and while wo
aro waiting for the next issue of bonds,
just to keep our hands in we have turned
aside for a moment to pick up the thou
sands of needed dollars for the State
Training School for Girls.
* * *
Paul, the apostle of old, boasted that
he was "a citizen of no mean city,'’ and
by so doing gave us an example of a man
who stood by his home town, and to
day wherever I go when asked as to my
residence, I proudly say: "I am from
Birmingham, the best city in the south.”
We have won the right to rejoice In
our citizenship. Our faces are towards
the future, for Birmingham is made up
of forward looking men and women.
If, by chance, you who read this have
not yet gotten into the game, don't drag l
back any longer, but at the very first
chance join in it. It will make you a
happier man or a more contented woman.
This is no time for ‘ slacking.” The call
is to the willing hearted. Volunteers
are wanted. How about you?
P 3.—A good way to start is to get
In and help Joe Loveman and his co
workers raise the money for the girls out
at East Lake.
THEIR FIRST THOUGHT
From the Tuscaloosa News.
“Bolshevlki ran true to form," says
the paragrapher of the Birmingham
Age-Herald. You're eminently correct
—they ran to the cashier and have been
running ever since.
HELP FROM THE KAISER
From the Baltimore American.
The Kaiser has started his big drive
at a time well calculated to make our
next Liberty Loan a huge success; for
success it must be if we are to achieve
victory.
DICKENS IN CAMP
By Bret Harte.
Above the pines the moon was slow;*
drifting,
The river sang below;
The dim Sierras, far beyond, uplifting
Their minarets of snow.
The roaring campfire, with rude hum
painted
The Vuddy tints of health .
On haggard lace and form that droop|
and fainted
In the fierce race for wealth;
Till one arose, and from his pack’s seal
treasure
A hoarded volume drew,
And cards were dropped from hands I
listless leisure
To hear the tale anew.
And then, while round them sliado
gathered faster,
And as the firelight fell.
He read aloud the book wherein t?
Master
Had writ of "Little Nell."
Perhaps *twas boyish fancy—for t|
the reader
Was youngest of them all
But, as he read, from clustering pif
and cedar
A silence seemed to fall;
The fir trees, gathering closer in
shadow's,
Listened in every spray.
While the whole camp, with "Nell,”
English meadow's
Wandered and lost their way.
And so in mountain solitude—o’ertake
As by some spell divine—
Their cares dropped from them like
nedles shaken
From out the gusty pine.
Lost is that camp and wasted all its flj
And he who wrought that spell?
Ah! tew’ering pine and stately Kent:
spire.
Ye have no tale to tell!
4
Lost Is that camp, but let Its fragi
story
Blend with the breath that thrills g
With hop vines’ incense all the pens?,;
glory
That fills the Kpntish hills.
And on that grave where English 0
and holly,
And laurel %reaths entwine,
Deem it rtWf all a too presumptut
lolly— ,
Thl*. epxtty of Western pine!
Wilson’s Answer to Hertling, Drawn by Louis Raemaekers
THE SPIRIT OF WASHINGTON
(Copyright, 1818, by the Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES A
A PESTIFEROUS PERSON.
Beware the loud alarmist
Who tells a tale of woe,
Pretending to inform you
Of things you wish to know.
He’s never been acquainted
With truth in all his life.
His mind with fabrications j
About the war is rife.
He draws a gloomy picture
And tries to daunt your heart,
He’s met on lonely byways,
In every busy mart.
Whene’er you hear him talking
Don’t gaze at him in awe;
Daugh at his silly ravings,
Or smite him on the jaw.
MERE CAMQUFLApE.
“How did you happen to be taken in by
this fake concern?” ,
"I was impressed by their luxurious
offices and the fact that they kept a
dozen stenographers—blondes and bru
nettes—pounding typewriters all day
long.”
"And you supposed they were rushed
to death, attending to the firm's busi
ness?”
“Yes, but I found out later that every
one of those girls was typing I.incoln's
Gettysburg address over and over again.”
A MORIBUND JEST.
"It won't be long before we'll hear tno
fanatics crying, ‘Down with tobacco!' "
said the excitable man.
"I don't know about that," replied Air.
Twobble, "but if such a cry is ever heard
in the land, the humorous tippler who
says he believes in putting down whis
ky won’t be able to apply that ancient
wheeze to plug cut.”
PROBABLY WASN’T THINKING. 41
"I tried for an hour last night to re'^
Hiss Gadder's thoughts, but failed 1;
mentabiy." np
‘‘Do you mean to tell me she did£,!

speak for an hour?" jj
‘‘Certainly not. She mas talking .g
the time." —
NOTHING SERIOUS.
“1 had no idea Dubwaito was a sciel
tist."
“Why do you think so?"
"He tells me he's studying sou|
waves.”
"Umph! He's merely experimenti
with a new automobile horn he boug
the other day."
SCREEN HUNGER.
The appetites of movie fans
Are very seldom cloyed;
If they don't see a play a day
They feel an aching void.
LAST STAGE.
“Young Chumpson is attentive to M
Fadleigh.”
“Yes.”
“Is he very far gone?”
“I’m afraid so. He's- talking ab
buying a blue automobile to match
eyes.”
MEAN EVASION.
“Will you kindly place this cigar in i
mouth and light it for me?"
“Good heavens, man! Are you t
lazy to lift your arm?”
“No. I promised my wife I would
put another cigar in my mouth for
months.” PAUL COOK

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