The Birmingham age-herald. [volume], April 23, 1918, Page FOUR, Image 4

About The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950

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THE AGE-HERALD
K. W. BARRETT
Editor
Entered at the Birmingham, Ala.,
postoffice as second-class matter, un
der act of Congress, March S, 1879.
Daily and Sunday Age-Herald, year $8.00
Daily without Sunday . *>.00
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rate of exchange. The Age-Herald w ill
not be responsible for money sent
through the mails. Address,
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham, Ala,
Washington bureau, 207 Hibbs build
ing.
European bureau, 6 Henrietta street,
Covent Garden, London.
Eastern business office, Room 48 to
60, inclusive, Tribune building, New
York city; western business office.
Tribune building, Chicago. The d. C.
Beckwith Special Agency, Agents for
foreign advertising.
Member of the Associated Tress
The Age-Herald is the only morning
and Sunday newspaper in Birmingham
carrying the Associated Press dis
patches.
The Associated Press is exclusively
entitled to . the use for publication
of all news dispatches credited to it
or not otherwise credited in this paper
and also the local news published
herein.
All rights of republication of spe
cial dispatches herein are also re-^
served
TELEPHONE
Bell (private exchange connecting
nil departments) Main 490#.
Be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as
snoiv, thon
Shalt not escape calumny.
-—Hamlet.
At At At
1
HEGITHE DAY—-In my
hnslncsa and on my farm thm is
no perfect standard. Hut in my
mind and heiirt tlierc is, for Jeans
Christ lias walked this earth.
Thenceforth life can he no more
what it was. Even my business and
tny farm have now u standard of
efficiency and a standard of serv
ice.—H. M. E,
* * ¥
Price Germany Pays
For Empty Victories
BERLIN is told what “our
armies” are doing at the front.
Every advance, no matter how slight,
5s heralded in the newspapers. But
there is another side to the picture,
and we may rest assured that it is
not exhibited to the war-weary peo
ple of the fatherland.
A never ending stream of wounded j
soldiers flows from the battle front
into Belgium. The correspondent of
a Dutch newspaper, the Telegraaf, of
Amsterdam, says the number of
wounded continues so gTeat that hos
pitals are crowded. Monasteries, con
vents, schools and even private
dwellings have been requisitioned by
the German military authorities to
bouse those maimed and broken men
who have been driven by their offi
cers against the point-blang fire of
the French and British. Forty am
bulance trains are said to have en
tered Brussels in one day, many of
them composed of cattle cars.
Sights of that kind will not whet
the appetites of the German people
for more war. It may be expediency
which prompts the German authori
ties to care for their wounded men
in Belgium, rather than send them
back to Germany, but the possible
effect they would have on the Ger
man populace has doubtless been,
taken into consideration. And for
what have these unfortunates en
dured a veritable hell, returning to
die in hospitals or perhaps to go
through life crippled jnd horribly dis
figured ? For the glory of the jun
kers, for pan-Germanism and the
house of Hohenzollem, which rep
resents Prussia.
Law to Deal With
Female Alien Enemies
RESIDENT WILSON’S signa
ls ture to the bill extending pro
visions of the espionage law to women
at last makes it possible to cope ade
quately with the woman spy in
America. That a woman can be even
more dangerous than a man in this
kind of work was conceded long ago.
While our government dallied, alien
women were free to do much as they
pleased, and there can be little doubt
that- a great deal of information
about our war plans has been trans
mitted to Germany through female
agents, when our guileless congress
man did not talk so much that any
body with a pair of ears could find
out anything he wanted to know
merely by listening or reading the
newspaper accounts of what was said.
No distinction should be made in
dealing with alien enemies because
«f sex. If a woman abuses the hos
pitality of this country by playing
the spy and fomenting trouble she
deserves only such consideration as
a humane and enlightened govern
ment shows to other offenders whose
guilt is comparable to hers.
A German woman is as safe in
America as she would be in Germany
1—perhaps* safer, now that crime is
becoming widespread in the father
land—so long as she obeys the laws
of this country.
Wasting of Food
Must Be Stopped
ALONG with the campaign for In
creased food production came
an active movement to prevent food
waste. The United States department
of agriculture and the food adminis
tration made strong appeals to hotels,
restaurants and householders to ex
ercise care in preventing waste.
Government authorities could order
meatless and wheatless days, but there
was no way of reaching wasteful peo
ple except by moral suasion. Educa
tion in domestic economy was the
means employed to accomplish the de
sired end. Incessant agitation against
waste brought practical results. But
that was last year. Those who are in
a position to observe kitchen economy
say there has been a letting down of
interest in the “no-waste" cause.
All the food that can be produced
is needed in the winning of the war
and all the food waste, therefore,
makes this country’s task that much
more difficult.
In the crisis which the allies face
it should not be necessary to call the
attention of patriotic Americans to
such an obvious need as food con
servation in order for them to act
promptly and whole-heartedly. A re
quest should have the same force that
a command is meant to have.
Wastefulness is distinctly an Ameri
can failing. In the countries of the
old world waste is a negligible quan
tity. The United States being a land
of plenty, frugality has been over
looked and the waste of food has been
little considered by a majority of those j
who provide food for patrons of
public eating places or for the homes
of the well-to-do.
fLet’s have a new campaign of edu
cation with a view to reducing waste
to the vanishing point.
u « a
Ysaye as Conductor
of Music Festival
CINCINNATI’S biennial music
festival, which takes<$lace next
month, will be the most important
musical event of the year. When two
months ago the festival board en
gaged Eugene Ysaye, the famous Bel
gian violinist, to conduct the concerts,
vice Ernest Kunwald, the Cincinnati
conductor, now interned for the dura
tion of the war, some critics ques
tioned the advisability of the selec
tion.
No well informed person doubted
I?saye’s ability as a musician. He has
long been popular in Europe and
America as a violin virtuoso. As a i
performer few have equaled him and
no one has surpassed him. In the
early part of his musical career he
achieved distinction as a symphony
conductor in London and at one time
conducted large festival works in
Belgium, but he is now sixty years of
age and to the public of today he is
known only as a violinist.
He has been conducting symphony
concerts ip Cincinnati recently and
has been holding frequent rehearsals
of the festival chorus and the musical
element is delighted with him. In
fact, no great master has ever re
ceived so spontaneous an ovation in
Cincinnati as has been accorded
Ysaye. He is accepted as the ideal
man for the festival leadership.
Never has the symphony orchestra
played with finer epirit and never
have master works received interpre
tation more scholarly or more con
vincing.
While the festival programmes con
tain a number of classics they are not
so severe ns those of former years;
^and they should prove all the more
satisfactory for that reason. Instead
of giving a whole evening as usual to
Bach’s B minor mass, only the
“Benedictus” will be performed, and
that on a miscellaneous programme.
Instead of Dvorak’s “Stabat Mater,”
very religious and very moving, which
the late Theodore Thomas made a fea
ture of each alternate biennial, Ros
sini’s florid and “catchy” work will
be presented.
Some of the “highbrows” may be
disappointed in not having more of
are almost sure to vote the forth
coming affair the most enjoyable of
any in recent years.
The art standard will not be low
ered. Ysaye would be the last man
in the world to sacrifice the beauti
ful o? yield to popular clamor. He
simply is getting away from the old
tendency of overburdening people
who go to hear the best in music
with strict counterpoint £\nd complex
harmonies.
* * * l
Just when Californians alte boasting
loudest about their incomparable climate
a "quake'’ comes along and \makes the
new arrival wish he was somewhere else.
The Talladega Home thinks it unfair
for the vigilantes of Birmingham to un
load undesirable citizens on others towns.
Have no fear. Those gentry are followed
wherever they go by federal agents.
* * ¥
Quentin Roosevelt credits a Joke to his
father that has been going the rounds
of the press for soma years. Maybe
Quentin hasn't had much time to read
newspapers lately.
¥ * *
A poet addresses some lines to General j
Carranza, “patriotic-president” of tu.ex
ico. There was a time when Villa claimed
to be 100 per cent patriotic.
¥ * *
The Kaiser may have originally sprung
from the common people, but a wide gap i
now separates him from the fatherland's
shoemakers.
T V T
After a statesman has sat in the halls ;
of Congress for 20 or 25 years, in a ma
jority of cases he is incapable of show
ing any speed.
V rf
The I-Iuns have discovered by this time ]
that American soldiers go to France to !
fight, and not to make a demonstration.
* * *
A recent raid on New York’s chop suey
palaces played havoc with the people who
usually get home about breakfast time.
Ludendorff and Hindenburg have been
pals for many years, but nobody has
ever called them the "heavenly twins.”
* *
It’s going to be a trifle awkward to
board with a farmer this summer, and
not do any work about the place.
^ ^
As long as the Hun is unbeaten, we re
fuse to get excited over the domestic
complications of movie stars.
* * *
The next time President Wilson goes
joy-riding in a tank he will be careful
where he puts his hands.
ii v.
Here of late Emperor Charles probably
forces himself to think twice before
speaking.
* * *
The Ukraine can hardly feed its own
people. Another* German bubble pierced.
It seems like a sacrilege nowadays to
speak of the Irish potato as a spud.
CLOTHES—A VITAL THEME
Norma Talmadge, in Film Fun.
A woman in the wrong clothes is as I
disillusioning as salted coffee or egg
nog without the nog. She may be a
combination of all the virtues, but if
her clothes lack the harmony of her
soul, first impressions will be damning.
And more so than all other women does
the actress have to prepare for those
first impressions, for on the stage, be
it boards or screen, the player is on
show, and whereas the leading woman
of a Broadway production may change
her gowns during the season, her co
worker of the films is compelled to wear
the same old things to the end of the
reel. And the reel may reel along for
a year or so. For that reason it is im
perative that the frocks for a screen
production be selected far in advance
of the current styles. One is forced to
cultivate a sort of sixth sense. When
T see a baby-frill around the edge of
a belt in May, I strongly suspect the
presence of a full grown tunic in De
cember, and hoops in June mean noth
ing less than a barrel next year. A
woman must have the feel of artistic
i gowning in her make-up before she can
correctly forecast and sense instinc
tively not only combinations in accord
ance with good taste, but the trend of
Dame Fashion's vagarious fancies.
Another thing that must be carefully
considered by the film star in select
ing hats and gowns is color tints and
combinations. The average outsider
knows nothing whatever of the sub
tle distinctions to be obtained by cer
tain colors under the photographic lens
—the fact that red photographs abso
lutely black, and pale blue a poor white,
while other colors change their identity
as confusingly. Costuming for the
screen must be worked out in conjunc
tion with the color schemes of the vari
ous interiors, and strong blacks and
whites, shadings and gradations of tone
are planned for composition effects.
LO\G AM) EASY LIFE
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
General Bravo of Mexico is dead at
ihe age of SI. Being a military command
er in Mexico is one of the most health
ful of occupations.
BEHIXD THE TIMES
From the Kansas City Star.
A woman has been found in St. Paul
who didn’t know Uncle Sam was at war
with Germany. The St. Paul newspapers
ought to print something about the war.
I.PIvE M’LUKE SAYS
Tt doesn’t take love long to grow cold
when a husband fails to bring in enough
to keep the pot boiling.
.When it comes to promoting peace,
the divorce court has The Uague backed
off the map.
No, Gladys. Even ifl the doctor did
prescribe a light diet for the baby, you
shouldn't let t lie little darling chew
| matches.
After you have gone over the jumps
for awhile you will learn that most things
and most men seem easy until you try
to do them.
As a rule a married man isn’t such a
bad fellow. Outside of what his wife
thinks of him he is probably all right.
When you are courting her. a dollar
looks like 3D cents. But after you marry
her, 30 cents looks like a dollar.
If the shoe pinches a man he gets a
larger size. But if the shoe pinches a
I woman, she buys it.
IVhat doth it profit, father to try tc
be a good fellow? If he brings mothet
home a box of candy and gives the kid*
a dime each to go to the picture show,
mother will say: “What do you want
to waste your money that way for, when
the children all need shoes?”
Women are not the only persons whe
fall for bull. You can flatter a married
man by telling him he doesn’t look it.
Wouldn’t it be terrible if you saw n
man shot as often as you see one whe
is half shot?
A pretended interest in the story o'
his life is the best bait a girl can use
when she wants to land a sucker.
You may not be able to pick a winnei
at a rac e track. But you have no trouble
in tolling a loser when you see one.
What has become of the old-fashionec
girl whose skirts rustled when sin
walked?
About the only thing a pessimist has
to be thankful for is the fact that hi
wans't bom an optimist.
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
AND ELSEWHERE i
___i
Picture Highly Commended
“When a picture really deserves praise,
I think it should be accorded,” said
Judge Oscar R. Hundley, "and want to
say that ‘Tarz&n of the Apes,’ wow be
ing shown in Birmingham, is cne of the
most magnificent productions I ever saw
on the screen.
“It played in New York for months to
immense houses at very high rr^ces* ancl
the fact that it is so different from any
thing else on the screen makes it particu
larly interesting. As one of 'he organ
izers of the International Filn corpora
tion, which has produced the picture, 1
am naturally proud of it, for in Tampa,
where the studios of this company were
first located, I had a chance to see the
work in its incipiency. Th« company
moved from Tampa to Ilollj^ood,
and Mr. Burroughs, the author of ‘Tarzan
of the Apes,' was vice president of the
company, which position was opered to ]
me, but for business reasons I declined
it. This picture'will be followed, so 1
understand, by others from Mr. Bur
roughs' pen of the ’Tarzan series,’ whicn
have proven very popular books with the
reading public.”
Director Lawrence Happy
“It seemed mighty funny to have a rest
on Sunday,” said Robert Lawrence* di
rector cf the community sings.
“Many have expressed their regrets Lot
having to go without their usual Sunday
afternoon entertainment, but I think
•everybody is going to be surprised and
delighted when they come out to Capitol
Park on next Sunday afternoon and see
what the city fathers have prepared for
their pleasure and comfort. I am as
proud of it as a debutante with a new
evening gown.
“If I stiut a bit, my friends will just
have to overlook it, for when I think of
the small and unprepared way in whicit
the community sing was born, and real
ize how it has grown, I think it ought
to be permitted to swell up, if for no
other reason than to show my apprecia
tion of the public's interest and the
city's help.”
Dr. Moseley to
“I have received a letter from Dr. A.
G. Moseley, “for years the pastor of the
Wetumpka Baptist church, and one of
the leading spirits in the Baptist assem
bly grounds, at Pelham, the summer en
campment spot, just 22 miles below Bir
mingham,” said H. S. Dimmer.
“He writes that he has been at Prince
ton, Where with about 100 other *Y* men
he has been taking the course of training
preparatory to going to France. The
hour is near when we will be shifted over
seas for service. A. P. Longshore of
Columbiana is the only other Alabamian
who goes with the special party. The
army Y. M. C. A. is in position to use
men who are willing to serve. While 1
will greatly miss my family and my
friends, I feel that It is my duty to go,
and therefore I go willingly.”
Kotin* Rapidly Recovering
“I went out to^ see Robert C. Redus
on Sunday afternoon,” said B. F. Moore.
•t was glad to find my friend on the
high road to recovery. He had not only
been sitting up, but had walked around
the room and is looking forward to go
ing home this week.
‘‘I found him keenly interested in the
war, and was surprised to learn how well
hfc had kept up with it in spite of his
serious condition. This but show's that
the war is the overpowering question of
the day.
■ *£ got a letter from my son, who is in
France, and he wrote that while he had
been under fire, he felt like he was go
ing to come through all O. K. He was
loud in nis praise of the army Y. M. C.
A., calling it the greatest organization i
on earth.”
Where a Mule Is Better
“I have never known it to fail,” said
Arthur Crowder, “but whenever a fellow
wants his oar to be in shape and run
right; it is sure to break down.
“Sunday night I w^ent down to the
j terminal lo meet the Hon. James Hamil
I ton Lewis, United States senator from
j Illinois. I put him in my car to take
j him to the Tutwiler, and without rime
I or reason on a perfectly good street,
[without any strain, one of the back
I springs broke and we had to get into a
I taxi and make the trip to the hotel.
EDWIN BOOTH AS A WRITER
David Belasco, in the Century Magazine.
Had Edwin Booth not been a great ac
tor, he might have made his mark in fic
tion. His letters, in which he speaks
of the death of his wife, are as beauti
ful as, if not more beautiful than, any
latter penned by Keats. His description
of a presentiment of his wife's death
might have been written by Foe. lie
wrote:
“I was in New York in bed; it was
about 2 in the morning. J was awake:
T felt a strange puff of air strike n»y
right cheek twice; it startled mo so that
I was thoroughly aroused. J turned in
bed, when I felt the same on the left
cheek—two puffs of wind, ghost kisses.
I lay awoke, wondering what it could
mean, when I distinctly heard these
words: ‘Come to me, darling. I am at
i most frozen,’ as plainly as I hear this
! pen scratching over the paper.”
j lie reached home to find his wife cold
j in death in her coffin, and the rest is
the beautiful letter of a lover who feels
that he can never love life again be
cause he has lost all. He longed to end
iiis career, to join her. “I am in such
haste to reach that beginning, or that
end of all,” he writes, “that I am breath
less with my own impatience.”
I«ct me close with Edwin Booth's ad
vice to young players: “A frequent
| change of role, and of the lighter sort,
I especially such as one does not like, forc
ing one's self to use the very utmost
of one's ability in the performance ot.
is the training requisite for a mastery of
the actor’s art.” “1 had,” he said, “seven
years’ apprenticeship at it, during which
most of my labor was in the field of
comedy, walking gentlemen, burlesque,
and low comedy parts, the while my soul
was yearning for high tsagedy. X did
my best with all that I was cast tor,
however, and the unpleasant experience
did me a world of good.” This advice
to players, even more useful than
Shakespeare's to the actors of today,
should be framed and fastened to the
dressing room walls of every theatre in
A merica.
A STIFF PRICE
From the Nashville Banner..
Bolo Pasha left a fortune of 10,000,OW
i francs. The manner of his taking oil
showed the price he paid for it
MEN, WOMEN
AND THINGS
|
i
Somebody evidently manufactured it
and then somebody eise got it into print,
and then somebody else told somebody
that Gipsy Smith had been knighted by
King George and now everybody is won
dering if he is a knight, a lord or a
marquis.
• • •
Now, ibis is to set him right. He is, 1
am glad to say, still Gipsy Smith, a man
Loo big to be hid by any title, even though
bestowed by the titular head of the great
British empire. Some men are helped
out of obscurity into the limelight by
knighthood, but the plain gospel preach
er has been holding up to mankind the
Light of the World so long that he
basks iri 31 is sunshine and does not need
any earthly king to make him noble.
I had heard of his elevation and cred
ited it, and therefore was a bit anxious
to see if his Gipsy nature had been
tamed, and if his simple manners had
become affected; but the moment I saw
him I was ready to put my arms around
him for ne was the same old, unaffected,
lovable Gipsy Smith who had Won his
way to ail hearts in Birmingham four
years ago.
Just to show you how stuck up he is
over th^ decoration for distinguished ser
vices at the hands of his sovereign, King
George, one of the first things he asked
when lie sat down to dinner at the Tut
wiler on Monday was: “Where is my
friend, Louis Pizitz?” And when Fred
Jackson took him out for a drive he in
sisted on going by the “busy corner,"
and I ran in and got Louis to come out
and greet him.
We drove by for Dr. Stuart, and as he
came out of his study, Gipsy said to W.
Gordon Sprigg, organizing secretary of
the International Young Men’s Christian
association propaganda campaign, “Look,
yonder is dear, old George s?tuart." As
George was walking by home before get
ting into the car, Gipsy said to his trav
eling companion, ‘Be sure and remind me
to get George to tell us some good negro
stories, for he does it better than any
one I know.”
George got in and we started toward
the South Highlands and Gipsy said:
"Gordon, get ready for the surprise ot
your life, for you are going to see the
most beautiful residential section that
you have ever seen in your life,” and both
of the visitors were overwhelmed with
the picturesqueness and beauty of the
homes and the grounds. The view from
the rear and the front of John Caldwell's
handsome home on the crest of Red
mountain brought from them the loudest
praise.
W. Gordon Sprigg, is the real name of
a mighty interesting man. He was born
in Australia, and has been a globe trot
ter, spending a score of years in South
Africa, and was there in army Y. M.
C. A. work during the Boer war. Asked
if he had ever been in America before,
he replied that at one time he had taken
a rur. from New York to San Francisco,
on his way from England to New Zea
land. He seemed to think it strange that
he had not heard of Birmingham and its
untold mineral wealth and beautiful
homes.
We drove by Fred Jackson’s home and
ho initiated the two Britishers in the
sacred rite of Sid Bee's Buffalo Rook. We
were standing 'out in the backyard amidst
the roses, and next to a growing garden
with all kinds of fresh vegetables hurry
ing to get ready for the table. As Gipsy
lifted his sparkling glass, he said: "I am
hearing a great deal about a drink called
C'oco-Cola, have any of you ever tasted
It?’’ Don’t let Crawford Johnson hear
this.
The ride was so refreshing and stimu
lating that as we were coming down one
of the hills in the Mountain Terrace
section, Gipsy began to hum the chorus
of a very telling ditty that the boys ]
are singing in the trenches, the refrain
of which is “Smile, smile.” We got him
to repeat the song with the words. His
voice was clear and sweet. The song
just seemed to bubble up out of him,
and he sang as unaffectedly as a bird
sings, or a baby coos.
Ilis uniform becomes him, but it will
take more than a soldier's clothes to
hide the Gipsy Smith, known and loved j
around the world, for himself and for
the message he is carrying. Like all
truly great men, he is great with the
simplicity of a child. There is not the
least pose, or straining after effect. He
seems absolutely natural and meets his
fellow man on terms of fraternity and
equality.- If he told anything about him
self or what he had done or was going
to do, it was in such a straightforward
way that there was ‘an utter absence of
his trying to impress any one with his
importance.
He seemed to remember with genuine
pleasure the weeks he put in here in the
tabernacle built for him on First ave
nue. lie asked about many who helped
in the meeting. Was anxious to know
how some who had been converted had
turned out. Something came up about
his denominational affiliations. Fred
i Jackson paying that he thought him to be
a Presbyterian. “N'o," said Gipsy, look
ing at me, “I am an immersed Method
ist.” IXis statement was perfectly satis
factory. The truth is. when you see and
hear Gipsy Smith, you are not think
ing about the different creeds, but about
the Christ: and this is the highest tribute
that any preacher can have, and that
is that he stands behind the cross rather
than in front of it, that he magnifies
the Master in being the servant.
P. S.: lie spoke with iiis old-time
charm and vigor Monday night. But
that's another story.
FUMIMXE TRAIT
From the Chicago Herald.
Authorities at Buffalo, N. Y . are in
vestigatlSS charges that women ' repeat
ed” at a recent election. Possibly the
fact that it was a secret ballot caused
them toi do it.
. M1SSII.KS TO |IAM)
j From bile Pittsburg Dispatch,
j As Usual, accounts of those riot* in
| irelarfd state that the police were
peltcfl with paving stones, it has al
ways been a wonder why no English
government ‘ ever thought of asphalt
ing all Irish streets.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
IN DOUBT.
1
Now, the Kaiser
May be wiser
Than he was three years ago.
Not so certain
When the curtain
Has descended on the show,
That the powers.
Bringing flowers,
Will acclaim him as a star,
Though the latest.
Quite the greatest
In the tragedy of war.
QUICK WORK.
"Well. Hiram, did ye run into any of
them slickers while ye wuz up to th'
city?"
"Should say I did! Hadn't no mor’n
set my foot in th' deepo before a chap
come along an' wanted to sell it to me."
DANGEROUS PRECEDENT.
"Stand up. The orchestra is playing
'The Star-Spangled Banner.' ”
"I can't. I have a sore foot.”
*Eetter stand up. A fellow offered that
excuse the other day and it wasn't long
before he had a sore head.”
COUED HAVE BEEN WORSE.
“There goes an old flame of mine. ’
"Married now?”
"Yes. I spent $4000 or $5000 courting
her.”
"A dead loss.”
“In a way, but even at that I got oil
light. I understand she costs her husband
$4000 or $5000 a year more than he makes."
DRY TOWN EPISODE.
“What’a the excitement down the
street?"
"A fellow tried to auction off a quart
of whisky.”
"Didn’t he know he was liable to ar
rest?”
"Sure, but he figured the bidding would
be so spirited that he could get $15 or
$20 for it and make off before the poilce
nabbed him.”
NO DECEPTION.
"You stated in your advertisement that
this room had a tine view.”
"So I did.’’
"But, madam, the windows face your
backyard." ,
"Yes, and it's a war garden I have that
anybody would be proud of."
KNITTING.
“What are you knitting, my. pretty
maid?”
“A sweater, I guess—I dunno," she said.
“What makes you think it's a sweater,
girl?”
"Because I perspire every time I purl!”
—Rem., in the Fort Wayne Sentinel.
"What are you knitting, my pretty
maid?”
“I think it’s a muffler, sir,” she said.
"And why do you guess it’s a muffler.
Kid?”
"I’ve muffed half the stitches, that’s
what I’ve did!”
—Ted Robinson, in Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"What are you knitting, my pretty miss?
A hood or a helmet—or what is this?”
"The name of the thing I ain’t never
seen,
But it’s somethin’ to put on my sweetie's
bean.”
—Charley Leedv, in the Youngstown Tel
egram.
"What are you knitting, my pretty
maid?”
"A sock for a soldier, sir,” she said.
"But why not knit two—a pair—sweet
miss?"
" ’Cause I've be«n working six months
on this.”
THIRST FOR REVENGE.
"I’ve been told that soldiers at the
front don’t hate the enemy as much as
civilians do at home."
"That may be true, as a rule, but there
are exceptions.”
"Yes?"
"We had the finest cook in the regi
ment. A Boehe shell got him the other
day and every man of us has sworn to
bathe his hands in German blood."
PAUL COOIC.
WHAT HAS HE NOT DONE?
From the New York Times.
Kaiser WILdlELM is looking down
upon the battlefield of Queant,
west of Cambrai. A war corre
spondent of the Berlin Eokal Anzeiger
is near; alongside, perhaps, and notes
the pathetic scene:
“His majesty’s silence was broken only
once, when he remarked to an officer who
stood beside him: ‘What have I not dona
to preserve the world from these hor
rors?' ’
The form of the question implies that
his majesty has done everything, has left
nothing undone. This is an important
revelation. From it we are able to con
struct a complete history of the Kaiser's
part in the beginning of the war. Since
he did everything that could be done to
prevent the war, he must have begun his
labors at Potsdam on July 5, 1314, when
the lords of Germany decided to launch
it(. He positively forbade them to do so;
he must have. When they persisted, he, of
course, threatened to abdicate rather
than to sanction such horrors. They si
lenced nis protests by binding him and
gagging him and imprisoning him in the
cellar, while they went ahead with their
plans.
~it was IS days later when the con
spiracy oore fruit in the Austrian ultima
tum to Serbia. The Kaiser was said to
be cruising on the North sea in his yacht
at that time. We know now, from his
revelation on the battlefield of Queant,
that he had a wireless apparatus on his
yacht and was keeping it busy with l'ran- I
tic appeals to Kaiser Franz Josef not
to carry out the Potsdam plot. In ihe
LO days that followed he did not send
the hocus-pocus messages signed with
his name, in which the writer pretended
a Pecksniffian anxiety for peace and at
the same time found some way of block
ing everything that Sir Edward Grey
or Sazanoff proposed for the purpose of
bringing it about. On the contrary, the
real Wilhelm was besieging the lords of
Potsdam with urgent pleas to let him ac
cept the proposals of Grey and Sazanoff
aitd get the dispute arbitrated. He must
have been.
Indeed, we can go further back even
than this. We must assume that for la
years Kaiser Wilhelm had not been plan
ning this blow at the peace of the world;
that lie had not been building up his
army and creating his navy and taking
advantage of every incident, from Agadir
to Adrianople, to force the domination
of the world by Germany. He did not
approve, he disapproved, he must have
disapproved, the seizure of Bosnia and
Hefzegovina in 1308, the stirring up of
Bulgaria and Serbia against each other
in 1913, and all the other steps that led
inevitably down the road to this war. He
did everything he could to prevent them.
It must be so. And he failed. Now, with
a clear conscience, he can, ask posterity,
by way of the correspondent of the Lo
kal Anzeiger, “What have I not done
to preserve the world from these hor
rors?” And there is one point on wnicn
he need Have no doubt—posterity will an
swer him.
DISINTEGRATION IN SIBERIA
From "Russia and Japan,” by K. K
Kawakami, in the American Review ot
Reviews for April, 1918.
IK view of the presence in Siberia ot
a large number ot German prisoners
of war, this disorganization becomes
all the more alarming. In such a com
plete collapse of Russia's'military author
ity in Siberia, one can well imagine how
easy it is for these Germans to secure
freedom and engage themselves in the
work of promoting Gerrfian influence in
the east. The recent report from Ir
kutsk that 2000 Germans there are drill
ing Russians is an ominous indication
of what they are capable of doing. Even
before the war, Germans were the dom
inant factor in Siberia. The Russians,
slow and inefficient, were no match for
them in trade and industry, In Vladi
vostok and Harbin, and in fact in most
cities In Siberia, trade was practically
in the Rands of Germans.
As early as 1908 the British consul at
Vladivostok wrote of that port as fol
lows: "The bulk of the foreign popula
tion here is German. Commercially
speaking, the town is practically a Ger
man one. Not only the wholesale, but
also the retail, business is in German
hands, and there is only one Russian
firm of real importance." If, as the re
sifit of the disorganization of Russia,
SAVED MV \ HANDSHAKE
From the Philadelphia Public l.edger,
A man who came from a western town
some years ago and made good as a mer
chant in* Philadelphia encountered one
day on Walnut street a broker who had
known him in tlioso early days of stress
and struggle ere he came to this city.
The now prospering merchant had left
the west under a cloud, the name of
which, in plain English, was Drink.
His former fellow townsman did not
easily recognize in the sleek and affable
man of affairs the former ne'er-do-weel
and byword of the western community.
"Do you knew, said the regenerate, in
a burst of confidence, I date the change
in my habits and in my life from the
moment when—though you knew my
neighbors were avoiding me—you walked
across Main street and shook hands with
me."
GEORGE THE MEEK
From the Nashville Banner.
"A recent photograph from abroad.”
says the Birmingham Age-Herald,
“show a King George and Queen Xlary
reviewing some American soldiers, who
are friendly hut not the least bit over
awed in the presence of royalty.” From
his photographs a,nd the movie films we
shouldn't think there'd be much about
King George to awe even Ameflcan sol
the Siberian railways are even tempor
arily controlled by Germany, Vladivo
stok, that Russian Gibraltar of the far
east will be converted Into a German mil
itary outpuo.st. It would he easy for the
Germans to ship submarine parts over
the Siberian line to Vladivostok, where
they would be put together and used to
the detriment of allied interests.
It must be remembered that Vladivo?
stok is far more formidably fortified than
Port Arthur had ever been fortified in
the historic days of General Alexielf.
Russian Island, lying athwart the mair.
entrance to the harbor, is guarded with
the heaviest guns, and was, before the
war, garrisoned with a whole division
of troops. The £hkott and the Godolbin
peninsulas that embrace the harbor art
likewise impregnably protected. At the
outbreak of the war there were at least
7G forts mounting some 580 cannon ot
different calibre and manned with 38,000
soldiers. The military and naval ware
houses were constructed on a grand
scale, extending for thousands ot' feet
along the naval basin and capable of
storing supplies sufficient for a long
siege. Vladivostok, in short, is one ot
the most strongly fortified ports in the
wcfcld. Such a port, if controlled by Ger*
many, will be like the mailed fist aimed
directly against the Japanese. For Ja
pan is only 40 hours’ ride across the Ja
pan sea.
diers, who are unaccustomed to kings
and such like. The monarch of England
is physically very much of an awe dis
peller.
THE VERSATILE POTATO
From the Baltimore American.
Mr. Hoover cries shame on the
American who can snub the humble
but useful potato. It aids at once
economy, conservation, democracy and
digestion.
11E I.VKOII CBM E \ TN
By Maiy Ferry King, of the Vigilantes,
shancl las'. oar Allies! Hand in liana,
A bleeding but exultant band,
Each for His own beloved land,
And all for Liberty, we stand.
Majestic England, glorious Fiance,
Belgium, who led the brave advance,
And all the knighthood of romance.
Have summoned our uncovered lance.
The weal and woe of Home and Right—
The threat of Darkneps and, of Light—
The need to hold the Truth with Might—
These are the watchwords of the fight.
From town and country, field and mart,
We come with pride to bear our part,
in cvcrv breast the bugles start
Tile fanfare of the high in heart.
To serve by land or sea or air,
With any weapons, any wear,
Take but our manhood strength, and
where
The fight is thickest—put us there!