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The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, November 19, 1918, Image 4

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THE AGE-HERALD
IS. X%. BAHKKTT. . ..Kdltor
iSniereu a t the JBi ruling ham, Ala.,'
posiofiice as second-class matter, un
der act oT Congress, Jdarch 8, 1879.
JsL'lisCUi.l’TlO^i KATlfiS
jJaily ana auuday, year.
A.>a.lly wnnout Sunday
jc-auy and fcjunuay, three months
jv&ily and Sunday, one month.,
.daily and Sunday, one weeK....
teunuay Age-Herald, per annum,
'mursuay's ©union, per annum
Jy.uu
b.uu
.20
3.00
.30
;\u communication will Lie Publ'sh
without Lie author's name. a
manuscript win not be returnee unless
tlamps are enclosed lor mat purpi
remittances can be made at current
rate oi exchange. Tile Age-Beral w
not be responsible lor money
through tUe mans. Adaress
1UB aGE-HERAHE,
Birmingham, Ala.
Washington bureau, HU 1 Bibbs build
European bureau, ti Henrietta stiec.,
Covent Garden, London. .
Eastern business office, World b
lug, Mew York city; western business
cilice, Tribune building, Chicago, aue
to. C. Beckwith Special Agency, agen.s
.lor foreign advertising.
Uember of the Associated rresa
The Age-Herald is the only morning
and Sunday newspaper in Binning a
carrying the Associated i'ress ilS
patches. , .
The Associated Press is exclusively
entitled to tlie use for publication of
ail news dispatches credited to it
not otherwise credited in this paper
and also the local news published
herein. ,
All rights of republication of special
dispatches herein are also reserved.
telephone
Bell (private exchange connecting
nil department.) Main 4000.
A star for each of the 42 Age-Herald
men lu the army and navy.
This wide anil linlversnl theatre
Presents more woeful pageants, than
the scene
Wherein ne play.
—As You Like It.
* * *
BEGINNING THE DAY—I would
not aruue about Godi I would know
Him fore to face. I would not won
der If He Is and where He Is and
how Jlr Is! I would simply go to
Him and sit with Him. I would prove
Him by touching Hint; I would study
Hlni by living In His presence.
Anten.—H. M. E.
* * *
If Count Hohenzollern
Returns t# Germany
THE report that former Emperor
William may be permitted to
return to German soil opens an in
teresting field of speculation. A cor
respondent, who recently described the
appearance of William when ■ he
reached Holland, said he looked like
a man who was merely waiting for
the storm to blow over.
It is not improbable that the ex
Kaiser, who abdicated only at the last
✓ moment and because the pressure was
too Vreat for him to withstand, may
cherish a dream of regaining his lost
power. A ^ long as he is alive and en
joys freedom in his movements, he
jwili be a rallying point for the mon
archists of Germany. He may' still
Jjave a strong following among the
mristocratic class who are being shown
»o favors by the present German gov
ernment.
Should the socialists, particularly
the more radical branch of the party,
who are bolshevists, go to the ex
treme and try to exclude not only the
tipper classes, but the well-to-do peo
ple of Germany from having any voice
* jn the government, they are sure to
overreach themselves and create a
condition of affairs which will breed
Hohenzollern plots.
We do not know what the temper
‘ of the German people is toward the
Hohenzollems nor what it will be a
few months or a few years hence. Wil
liam once enjoyed tremendous popu
■ larity and has always protested that
he was not directly responsible for
starting the war. It would be a queer
, turn of events if, after peace is de
clared and Germany becomes tran
quillized, the Hohenzollems should be
found once more in the ascendant.
i Were the German people to set up a
republic with William at its head, or
. a constitutional monarchy, the allies
could not consistently object.
* * *
Modern Homes
For Workingmen
THE war has not only increased
wages for workingmen, but has
" given great impetus to providing bet
ter,’Jiving conditions. The old-fash
ioned mill village with its wretched
j.' hovels has already become a thing of
"" the past in most enlightened commun
fftities. Great corporations throughout
the country have vied with each oth
\ er in building homes for working
'men, with all modern conveniences
i and esthetic surroundings. It is rec
■pgnized as not only humane, but a
sound business policy. High-class
labor will not submit to conditions
) prevalent twenty years ago and a fac
tory to maintain its production must
| have contented employes,
j The government has been largely
instrumental, since war was declared
jon Germany, in bettering the condi
tions of workingmen and their fam
ilies. Model towns have sprung up at
the various shipbuilding plants and in
other places where war work was be
ing done. The first residents of Buck
man village, built by the emergency
fleet corporation for workmen at the
yard of the Chester (Pa.) Shipbuild
ing company, have just moved into 50
completed houses. Altogether there
will be about three hundred dwellings,
more than one hundred apartments
and a large boarding house, with ac
commodations for approximately one
thousand persons.
The houses are individual in design.
Miniature hills on which the Village is
built and irregular streets, with front
and back yards and numerous shade
trees, give it a most picturesque and
inviting appearance.
The Tennessee company of Birming
ham was a pioneer in welfare work
for its employes. Its plan of erecting
model homes, establishing schools and
playgrounds and promoting commun
ity. life, has attracted national at
tention. The company is at present
building a model town at its subsidiary
Chickasaw plant near Mobile and is
adding several hundred pretty homes
to the large number already erected
at Fairfield.
President Wilson Will
Attend Peace Conference
WHEN Roosevelt was President
he visited the Panama zone,
but as he traveled on a United States
man-of-war and did not journey
through foreign territory, he was
technically within the confines of
America.
President Taft crossed the Mexican
border to shake hands with President
Diaz, but this ceremony was soon
over. President Wilson, in deciding
to cross the Atlantic for the purpose
of addressing the peace conference
and shaping in person some of the
more difficult policies that will con
front the delegates, has upset all
precedents. The fact that he con
ceives it to be his duty to be present
should be sufficient to merit public
approval and silence the criticism of
his political opponents.
It has been the custom for Presi
dents of the United States to remain
on American soil. Many people seem
to think there is some law—an un
writter law, at any rate—which would
prevent the chief executive from go
ing abroad. The constitution is silent
on the subject, and as to custom,
President Wilson has always shown a
liking for doing the -unusual. He is
the last man to be governed by prece
dent, especially when precedent in
volved no question of principle.
The whole world recognized Presi
dent Wilson’s leadership in the prose
cution of the war. The whole world
recognizes him today as a statesman
of quick intuition and hndaunted
courage. His voice in the conference
will be not only magnetic, but it will
be more than convincing if knotty
points are in dispute.
All patriotic Americans will \ftsh
the President Godspeed when he is
ready to sail.
At At it
To Banquet on
Fruits and Nuts
THE Alabama Horticultural So
ciety’s meeting to be held at
Auburn December 11-12 will be an
event of unusual interest.
The banquet at the opening session
will be unique, for the reason that
everything served, with few excep
tions, will consist of nuts or some kind
of fruit—all grown in this state.
Prof. J. F. Duggar, director of the
extension service, says the idea is to
show just what valuable food prod
ucts fruits and nuts are. It is be
lieved “that a banquet of this kind
will accomplish more with reference
to this matter than a whole week’s
talk about it.” v
It is expected that most of our
progressive nurserymen, fruit grow
ers and truckers will attend the meet
ing. Those who cannot be present are
urged to send the products of garden
or orchard for exhibit. Every county
in the state should be represented in
this greatest of all horticultural
shows planned for Alabama.
Steady strides have been made in
this state horticulturally as well as
agriculturally. And the keener the
interest in the Auburn meet the great
er Will be the strides in the future.
X M JK
Moving Cause for
Nation’s Thanksgiing
THE blessings for which the people
are called upon to render
thanks to Almighty God at this sea
son of the year usually center upon
abundant harvests. The proclamation
of the President setting apart Thurs
day, November 28, as Thanksgiving
Day, lays stress, of course, on the
ending of the war as the special and
moving cause for the observance of
the annual holiday. The nation has
been blessed with bountiful food pro
duction, for which the people, col
lectively and individually, will mani
fest their gratitude; but the cessation
of hostilities in the bloodiest cf wars
in the world’s history will make
Thursday of next week the most
memorable of all Thanksgivings.
The President always calls upon the
people to assemble in their accus
tomed places of worship and there
unite in suitable services of praise.
This command is usually heeded only
by the more devout members of the
various churches. The majority of
the people lose sight of the religious
character of the day. Many celebrate
it either by going on a deer hunt or
attending a football game.
An effort should be made this year
to fill the churches. There should not
be a vacant seat in any city church.
Only by a religious observance will
the spirit of the President’s proclama
tion be carried out.
# * *
“You must understand that the United
States government cannot he intimi
dated," said Secretary McAdoo to em
ployes of the St. Louis Terminal rail
road who threatened to strike for higher
wages. The present plight of erstwhile
war lords proves that Secretary McAdoo
knows what he is talking about.
* * *
Irvin Cobb found some cheese In
France whose odoriferousness even
astonished a man of his wide experience.
Yet he lived to tell the tale.
* # #
At any rate, that naval shell found in
the basement of a Birmingham apart
ment house wasn't deposited there by a
long-range gun.
# *
London helped to cement the entente
cordiale by the warmth of its reception
to the jazz band of an American negro
| regiment.
*i * *
There will be no plebiscite for Alsace- !
Lorraine. The future status of France’s
lost provinces was settled on the battle
field. ,
* * *
Congratulatory messages are flying
thick and fast. They make much more
enjoyable reading than casualty lists.
$
Recent celebrations in London showed
that the bally Britisher can unbend
when the occasion warrants.
* * *
Those who kept the home fires burn
ing or quite willing for the fighting
man to get all the applause.
* *
Admiral Yon Tirpitz lost no time in
taking himself and his whiskers to a
safe place in Switzerland.
¥ * *
The. fair farmerette has about reached
the conclusion that her services are no
longer indispensable.
* * *
Count Wilhelm Hohenzollern will find
it difficult to break into polite society.
* *
No doubt it will soon be possible to
tango all night long without being
called a slacker.
* * *
The aerial traffic policeman is going
to have his hands full regulating aerial
joy riders.
* * *
In the last analysis the “unbeaten Ger
man navy” has nothing to brag about.
THK MAGNANIMOUS VICTOR
From the Chattanooga Times.
The French soldiers on the western
front in the neighborhood where the Ger
man commission sent to stgn the armi
stice pact passed gave an exhibition of
the magnanimous and sportsmanlike
spirit exhibited by the American sailors
in Cuban waters when the ships of the
Spanish fleet surrendered or were shot
to pieces: "Don't cheer, boys," said the
American officer, "the poor devils are
dying!" As the German plenipotenti
aries passed through the lines under con
voy, French soldiers gathered about the
passing cars, but, we are told, “no shout
or even a loud remark was heard from
the crowd of onlookers. The incident
passed in such grave quiet on the part
of the French that the low conversation
of the German officers gathered around
the cars couid be heard." It was not
until after the convoy had passed far to
ward the German border that the burst
of Joy and enthua(asm came from the
French lines, but there was no lack of
either then. The delirium along the front
was almost equal to that exhibited here
and all over the world among the clv»
populations when the peace announce
ment was made.
But the French did not cheer while
the envoys were passing, for the "poor
devils were dead!" That is the spirit that
animates the people engaged ii* the war
for truth, justice, righteousness and civ
ilization.
the: legal mind
From Case and Comment.
The average man does not possess the
legal mind; and hence the average man
Is not competent to adjudge cases at law.
Because he possesses a fair sense of
Justice and right by no means estab
t-hes his competency to adjudge law.
The gist of the competency' requisite for
the Judge is the ability to admeaspre the
morality of laws. The admeasurement
Is properly performed in a particular case
when the judge has interpreted that case
in law; that is to say, when he has de
clared the true status of that case before
the laws applicable to It; when he lias
adduced from those laws the morality
justicially applicable to that case—and
which, in all probability, is inapplicable
to any other case. Not only Is legal
skill and knowledge necessary for such
expert adjudication, but the possession
of the legal mind—the peculiar mental
cast which we properly suppose to be
an idiosyncrasy and not an acquirement
—is necessary, if adjudication is to reach
its highest possible validity and merit.
11 IN HOTEL LOBBIES
AND ELSEWHERE
l i_]_ _ i
Convention Will Benefit All
“The coming of the Alabama Baptist
state convention on December 3 to East
i.ake is going to mean much, not only
j to Howard college, where it meets and
to Ruhama church, but to all the
1 churches in the district/’ said Dr. H.
H. Hibbs. ‘*1 am glad that it is to meet
in this great city at a time when there*
are so many big questions to be solved.
I sincerely hope that the busy laymen
of Greater Birmingham will take time
to attend its sessipns, for never before
was their advice and help needed as it
is at present, when the denomination
must *map out a worthy programme to
meet the changing conditions."
3apU»t Ceremony Impressive
"It is rather strange that Sunday
night was the first time I ever wit
nessed a baptism in a Baptist church,”
said Judge Hugh A. Locke. "I was in
vited out to be the four-minute speaker
and at the conclusion saw Dr. Dillard,
the pastor, baptize a young sailor lad,
and a fine* young boy. I then witnessed
a unique ceremony for Frank Willis
Barnett baptized his two sons, Frank
Willis, Jr., and Proctor Hawthorne. The
lights in the church were turned down
and only those in the baptistry were
left burning. It was really a most im
pressive ceremonial"
Morals of Soldiers Fine
"I certainly feel good to be once more
walking around the streets of Birming
ham, although it is but for a day or
two," said Powell Proctor, formerly city
salesman for the Obelisk flour, but who
is now at Camp Pike, Arkansas. "1
haven’t seen a single soldier under the
influence of liquor and I am in a posi
tion to see nearly ail of the men in the
camp for at present I am detailed to
canteen service. The morale as well as
the morals of the men Is fine."
Delegate* Bu«y aw Bee*
‘The delegates to the North Alabama
conference were busy as bees after the
adjournment on Monday, getting ready
to go back to their charges," said Dr. H.
F. Lovelady. “It meant a change for
many of them and as the conference
was held late it rather upset the usual
tenor of the average Methodist parson
age. It was a fine, spirited body and 1
am sure it left a Messing in Birming
ham. The bishop, Dr. Atkins, made a
fine impression on the conference." ,
FACTS TO REMEMBER
From the Montgomery Advertiser.
Remarking that “all good German peo
ple are dead," Stephen Luzanne, editor
of the Paris Matin, who is in this coun
try, reminds us of the following facts:
The Germans took $3,000,000,000 in cash
indemnities from the towns and cities
of Belgium, and that this must be re
turned; that of the 150,000 cars and 1200
locomotives we exact of Germany, but
which the Germans complain is exorbi
tant, were part of the railway equip
ment taken from Belgium and France.
There were 350,000 homes destroyed in
France alone. Luzapne thinks it would
take 100,000 men 20 years to rebuild these.
The New York Times recalls, aiso,
that in June of this! year a member of
the Prussian House' of Lords outlined
Germany's demands (upon the allies, in
cluding one item as indemnity of $45,000,
000,000. “As Germany proposed also to
tak”£ much territory,” says the Times, "it
must be admitted that reparation to the
extent of $45,000,000*,000 without territory
is a reasonable proposal. Her ability
to pay may be inferred from h*r ability
to finance the war and endure taxa«
tion.”
THK FKJIAMfi Ok lr!B SPKt.IKS
| From the New York Herald.
Nothin* more impudent or more char
acteristic of the Prussian race has been
perpetrated since the war began than
the appeal of the women of Germany to
the women of America to save the van
quished from “disaster.” It is so plain
that the beaten men of the fatherland
are simply hiding behind the petticoats
[ of their sisters, their cousins and their
aunts that it is hard to believe that
the dodge could deceive even that
I eminent apostle of pacifism and maudlin
sentimentality, Miss Jane Addams.
If the Germans had ever shown the
slightest respect for either their own
women or for other women who had the
horrible misfortune of failing into their
beastly hands some attention might be
paid to this feminine plea.
Furthermore, although it is hard for
Americans to draw an indictjnent
against the women of any nation, it can
not be forgotten that the mother® and
daughters of Germany were the stanch
est defenders of each and every atrocity
committed by their husbands and fathers
in other lands. And It is not forgotten
that the German women In Antwerp and
other cities were the most eager looters
when the order to get out waa given.
LIKE Ji’IiUKE* SAYS
Han’t it wonderful with what pa
tience and fortitude the men folks bore
up under the hardships of having' tho
churches closed during the fluey epi
demic?
And what has become of the dirty
restaurant in each small town that
was named “Delmonico’s?”
Another cheerful liar is the man past
tiO who says that he is feeling as
young as he ever did.
The best fway to get rid of company
when company ataya • too long la to
treat company like one of the family.
An argumentative cues isn’t very
pleasant. But he is lots better com
pany than the Jelly-spined man who
agrees with everything you say so ae
won’t offend , you.
After figuring the matter out we
have come to the conclusion that tho
prohibitionist’s Idea is that no man
should be any thirstier than he Is.
Every married than has two disposi
tions—one of them for home and one
for public. And this goes for every
married woman, too.
You have often met a man who had
fringes on his pants who didn’t have*
some great scheme to make a barrel
of money,* haven’t you? Neither have
we.
A stubborn man is a durn fool who
holds to his opinion after you have ex
pressed youra.
There are a whole lot of ways to de
fine dignity. But dignity isn’t a high
hat, and dignity isn’t whiskers,
Why is it that when a man ia almost
completely bald he insiats on havlug
his hair trimmed twice a week.
Any married woman can tell you that
a married man doesn’t smoke in tho
house because he likes It. He does it
because he knows his wife doesn’t
like it.
The fact that he can’t navigate dots
i>ot worry a stew. He keeps right ou
drinking because he knows he can al
ways reach his home over the phone.
i MEN, WOMEN
AND THINGS
Now that the armistice is signed with
Germany and everyone is wondering
what peace terms will be evolved out
; of the congress which will determine
| its future status, it may be well to con
| stder the physical features of the great
| central empire which has gone to
smash.
i ...
Bear in mind that the area of the
German empire is very small compare!
with that of some of the other first
class powers. It is not more than 208,
780 square miler, being 50 or more
thousand square miles smaller than
Texas, our great empire state.
* * •
But let’s, size it up with some of the
other countries. The United States,
as a whole, is 17 times larger; the
EJritish empire about 47, and Russia
41 times. As a European power, Ger- t
many takes the third place as to size.
Before the war it also had third place
as a colonial power, but will probably
be shorn of them. She had a colonial
possession five times as large as the
fatherland.
It might also be well to get some i
idea of the relative size of the Ger- !
man territory in Europe. Prussia has j
65 per cent; Bavaria, 14 per cent; Sax
ony, 2.8 per cent; the other four states
of South Germany, Wurttemburg, Ba
den, Hesse, Alsace-Lorraine, 10 per
cent. (And the latter two fair prov
inces which it filched from Franco In
the seventies will be restored to the
rightful owner.) It will be seen that
even in size Prussia dominates Ger
many.
* * *
This, then, was the physical status
as to area before Germany plunged inco
a world war for territory and to carve
out 'for itself a great eifipire in mid
dle Europe, where she could find her
“place in the sun.” Now, just how
much the allies will carve out of the
pre-war Germany in Europe is at pres
ent only a guess, but it is safe to say
that she will lose not only the two
fair Rhine provinces, but a big slice of
her Polish territory.
In passing, it is worth while to be
gin to think out the question of per
mitting the German-speaking part of
Austria to come under the wing of
Germany. A* popular song in Germany
from 1815 to 1848 put this poi led
query, “Was iat der Deutschen Vuv>r
land?” which answered the question m
the refrain:
"Wher’er the German tongue dot»i
sound.
There must the Fatherland be found.”
If this dream comes true, then, in my
opinion, Germany will not be shorn
of her strength.
I know it's a joke to ask about the
weather, but it’s a mighty fruitful
topic for conversation, and there is a
reason, for climatic conditions forms
temperaments and the change of the
seasons certainly affect one’s feelings,
and, therefore, at this juncture it is
pertinent to inquire into the climate of
the great central empire which
dreamed of finding a softer atmosphere
farther south.
Now, I know something about the
German climate from reading about
it, and also from having lived in Ger
many. Get this fixed in your minu.
The German empire lies between tne
fifty-fifth and forty-eighth degrees
of north latitude. Hut it is colder
than its latitude would indicate, since
it is closed by the Alps* against the
mild winds of the south, and open to
the cold northern and eastern regions
of Europe; but the Atlantic ocean
makes the weather of the northwest
milder. ,
I can sit here in a warm room by a
good fire and shiver more than a quar
ter of a century just in recalling the
dreaded winds which ate into my very
marrow as I used to trudge back and
forth to the University of Berlin. Ger
many. as a whole, is a damp country.
All seasons bring humidity, especially
the spring and late summer, the south
ern mountainous territory receiving a
heavier precipitation than the north
ern plain, but on the whole, it can
be said that the climate of Germany
is refreshing, rather than mild. The
four seasons are distinctly different,
giving th^ people a vary desirable
change.
• • •
I have always loved the study of
geography and have had a passion for
maps. At the outbreak of th!S~war I
began to cut out the various maps
in the papers, magazines and booka
but soon found that it was an inter
minable job, so gave it up. I would
advise those who wish to refresh them*
selves to get a map of Germany and
study it while the peace conference is
in session, as it will add zest to what
comes flashing to the papers over th^*
cables.
HELIGOLAND CHANGES HANDS
From the New York Herald.
It was in 1S90, when the relations be
tween the British and German empires
were of the most cordial description, that
one of the greatest indiscretions ever
committed by an English premier took
place—the turning over of the island of
Heligoland to the Kaiser in return for
the protectorate of Zanzibar. ,
Lord Salisbury was then directing the
foreign affairs of the empire, in addi
tion to being head of the government. He
was approached cautiously by William
II’s ambassador at London. With true
Prussian craft the latter pointed out that
the gray rock in the North sea was use
less to Great Britain and that his master
desired it only for sentimental reasons.
After all—as his excellency suggested—
what was it more than a small German
summer resort under a foreign flag? The
prime minister saw Sight through Prus
sian eyes, announced his decision to Par
liament, and there was no discussion on
the subject.
Great Britain only woke up a few ddys
after the bargain had been consummated.
Every German ship available was dressed
with flags and took part ih 'the proces
sion that went out to take possession.
And hardly had the standard'of the new
owners been raised than work was be
gun on the forttrlcattons which- were to
make the Island a thorn in the side pf the
allies from August, 1914, until the other
day.
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
IT SEEMS SO.
; Now that the war has reached an end,
As everyone admits,
Are we expected to befriend
The bloody-handed Fritz?
LAVISH DISPLAY.
“Poor old duffer. He saved all his life
and died before he could enjoy his
wealth.’’ •
“But somebody will enjoy it.”
“That's true. His widow has the sat
isfaction of giving him a funeral that was
expensive enough to make the old gen
tleman turn over in, his grave.”
TOO SEVERE.
“You told me when you were a suitor
for my hand that my will would ever be
law to you,” said Mrs. Grippins.
“So I did, my dear, so I did,” replied
Mr. Grippins, mildly. “But at that par«
ticular time little did I dream that you!
will would ever take the form of—er—
martial law.”
AN EYE TO BUSINESS.
“There are two sides to every case,
you know.”
“Some of our expert attfmists seem to be
well aware of that faw?*
“How so?”
“They hesitate a long time before tak- I
ing sides w'hen the bidding for their !
services is lively.” |
MAKES IT PAY
“There goes a 'man who enjo> the
confidence of more pretty women than
•ny other man in town.”
"He doesn't look like a gay Lothario.”
“He isn’t. He’s a highly successful di
vorce lawyer.”
POSSIBLE EXPLANATION.
“What’s the use of having grand opera
singers in the movies? Their glorious
voices are lost on the public.”
“I’ll let you in on a professional secret”
“Well!”
“The stage is full of grand opera sing
ers who think they can act.’’
SUBSTANTIAL FARE.
The cave man led the simple life,
His wants, indeed, were few';
When hunger’s gnawing pains were life
He sallied forth and slew
A mighty, prehistoric beast,
Nor wished for wine and cakes,
When he sat down at night to least,
On dinosaurus steaks.
THE ROBUST SCHOOL.
“Give me the old-fashioned tragedian
who used to bellow and smite His chest
as he stalked about the stage.’’
“That sort of acting is out of date.”
“I know it, but the old-fashioned tra
gedian frequently worked up a profuse
perspiration before the performance was
over. Even if he couldn’t act, you could
see he was no quitter.”
PAUL COOK.
SAYS ABE TO MAWRUSS
Montague Glass in Collier’s Weekly.
S'? jy^rtEN it comes to paying over
\wyy money,” observed Morris to
^ " Abe, ‘‘the only institution
some people ain’t got a prejudice against
is the receiving teller’s cage of a first
i national bank, y’understand, but the way
[ I look at this here united war work
[drive, it is like General Pershing’s drive
in France. Anybody which wouldn’t sub
scribe to it because it is 70 per cent Y.
M. C. A., 20 per cent K. of C., 10 per
cent Jewish Welfare boaid, and so forth,
wouldn’t approve of the French town of
Schlemiel being taken by American sol
diers because it was done by 70 per cent
Protestants, 20 per cent Catholics and 10
pei cent Hebrew's, or whatever the pro
portion was.
‘‘I p to a year ago, whenever I heard it
a Salvation Army band, I used to think
that there should ought to be a new
crime put on the statute books to be
punished a little bit less than murder and
a little bit more than arson, by the name
‘Cornet playing in the first degree,’ but
nowadays whenever I hear the Salvation
Army, even close up, I thing of the way
them good people is handing out tha
coffee and doughnuts to the soldieFs in
France, and it sounds to me like the
Boston symphonies or the Philharmon
ics.”
“I give you right, Mawruss,” Abe said,
“and more people than you got a change
of heart that way, too.”
"The way to look at this here proposi
tion of raising money for the united war
work campaign,” Morris continued, “is to
imagine what you would feel like if you
should suddenly put on a uniform and
become a soldier, which nothing 1st im
possible, Abe, because fellers as old as
you and older is serving in the Austrian
and German armies, Abe.”
| “Well,” Abe commented with a shrug,
i ”if I got to go, I got to go.”
| “Sure you would got to go," Morris
agreed, “and while you would be prob
| ably glad to go-”
‘‘What do you mean—probably?” Abo
interrupted. ‘‘I would be just so glad to
go as any other man of my age, which,
believe me, Mawruss, when a man has
got to leave a good home and go to war,
it ain’t a case of how glad he feels, but
how cheerful he can act.”
“That’s just what l am driving into,
Abe,” Morris said. “You ain't no differ
ence from anybody else, which when a
man goes into the army front a good
home, y’ understand, not only ' he gets
home sick from the heart and the stom
ach* Abe, but he also gets homesick for
a tiled bathroom, steam heat, hot and
cold running water, his -Saturday night
pinochle game, and even in «. case like
yours, Abe, you might go so far as to
get homesick for your partner.”
“Oser!” A^e exclaimed.
“But aside from his friends and fam
ily. Abe,” Morris went on, “there ain’t
nothing that an American soldier is
likely to get homesick for which them
united war work fellers wouldn’t sup
ply him with. In fact, Abe, when you
consider what the united war work peo
ple has got fixed up to make you com
fortable in your off nfoments, I ain’t a
bit worried about how you would come
out.”
“I know you ain’t/” Abe agreed, “and
you wouldn’t be, not if you thought 1
was going into a front line trench to
morrow.”
‘‘I would be just so much worried about
you as you would be about me,’’ Morris
retorted, “which I bet you I could lay
rotting in a German prison camp for
years already and you wouldn’t got to
take so much as five grains of aspirin
for the sleeep you would lose over it.”
"Why should I?” Abe said. “The Y.
M. C. A. would look after you, and may
be the Knights of Columbus and the
Jewish Welfare board also. Besides, ir
you feel that way about it, now is the
time to provide against such rteks. To
day yet while you have got the money,
Mawruss, pay every dollar you can af
ford to the united war work campaign.
Don’t hesitate to come across with just
as big a sum as if you would be go
ing to be benefited *by it personally in
the next six months. ’
“Say!” Morris said, “I am not going
to give to this here united war worK
campaign with any idea of getting mf
money’s worth out of it. I am going to
contribute the way anybody else wrould
do it—for the sake of the American sol
diers and sailors of every kind and de
scription—and that means a Buddhist, a
relation, or a stranger.”
"And how about a partner?” Ab«
asked.
“When it comes to contributing to such
a big cause like the united war work
campaign,” Morris concluded, ”1 ain’t
got no prejudices against even a partner.”
ONE HOHENZOLLERN REMAINS
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
It Is a bad time for kings. In Germany
kingships are dropping like ripe apples.
Constantine of Greece and the Czar went
out long ago. Ferdinand and Boris of
Bulgaria and Charles of Austria-Hun
gary have recently been extinguished. So
many Kings and Emperors have fallen
by the wayside that the whole King
business seems more or less in disrepute.
l'et there is another side. Albert of
Belgium is revered not only by his own
people but by all the democratic peoples
of the world as one of the most splendid
heroes of the war. Victor Emmanuel of
Italy, who has gone through all the suf
ferings of the war with his men, has
strengthened royalty in Italy. George of
England, never posing as a military
leader has borne himself finely through
out the struggle, and his place as visible
symbol of the unity of the British em
pire is firmer than ever. The Crown
Prince of Serbia, who has personally led
his armies to triumph, is the idol of his
nation and of all the south Slavs who,
will soon be united under his leadership.
There is another King whose future is
probably assured. Eong in eclipse, Ferdi
nand of Roumania is soon to emerge.
Perhaps no other King has endured
greater wretchedness than Ferdinand.
He resisted as long as Roumania had
the most meager chance against het
enemies, but since the signing of the
infamous treaty of Bukharest he has
been a vassal of Germany,'and has suf
fered the bitterest indignities.
King Ferdinand Is a Hohenzollern, and
in Bukharest the family which sought
to rule the world may yet for many gen
erations rule a grateful and contented
nation. When Roumania entered the
war Ferdinand utterly repudiated his
Hohenzollernism, and he has proved
himself wholly a Roumanian. He and
his beautiful Queen have retained the af
fection of the Roumanian people and the
admiration of the world. Cursed by the
Prussian Hohenzolierns as a renegade
and a traitor to the family interests the
Rumanian monarch today may regard
with contemptuous pity the man win
was Kaiser, the man who sought te
crush out of existence the Roumanian
people and their King. It is a freakish
turn of fate's wheel that has made the
disowned and discredited Hohenzollern
tho sole remaining royal personage of the
family and the 8ole hope of future Ho
henzollern greatness.
HTBRCHUBSE
Irvin S. Cobb in the Saturday Evening
Poet.
If perchance *ve had fared into one of
the northeastern provinces of France we
were reasonably certain the meal would
be rounded out with helpings of a cer
tain kind of cheese that is indigenous to
those parls. It comes in a flat cake,
which invariably is all caved in, and
squashed out, as though the owner had
sat upon it while bringing it into the
market in his two-wheeled cart.
Likewise, when its temperature goes
up it becomes more of a liquid than a
solid; and it has an aroma by virtue of
which it secures the attention and com
mands the respect of /he most casual
passerby. It is more than just cheese.
I should call it mother of cheese. It is
to other and lesser cheeses as civet cats
are to canary birds—if you get what I
mean—and in its company the most
boisterous Brie or the most vociferous
: Camembert you ever saw becomes at
once deaf and dumb.
Its flavor is Wonderful. Mainly it is
found in ancient Normandy; and, among
strangers, eating it—or, when it is in an
especially fluid state, drinking it—comes
under the head of outdoor sports. Rut
the natives take it right into rh** jijum
house wkh themselves.
A HARDIilt THING
From the Boston Transcript
Grey—How are you getting alun - ,11
j the stock market?
Green—Well, I’ll tell you. I traded a
lot of money for experience and now
I’m trying to reverse the process.
HIIjI.S
Arthur Guiterman in Current Opinion.
I never loved your plains—
Your gentle valleys,
Your drowsy country lanes.
And pleached alleys.
I want my hills!—the trail
That scorns the hollow,
Up. up the ragged shale
Where few will follow.
Up,' over wooded crest
And mossy boulder
With strong thigh, heaving chest
And swinging shoulder.
So let me hold my way,
By nothing halted,"
Until, at close of day,
I stand, exalted.
High on my hills of dream -
Dear hills that know me!
And then, how fair will seem
The lands below raa.
How pure, at vesper-time.
The far bells chiming!
God, give me hills to climb.
And strength for climbing!

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