Vernon County censor. [volume], October 26, 1910, Image 3

About Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955

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Odd News From Big Cities
Stories of Strange Happenings in the
Metropolitan Towns
Gun Fires Million Bullets an Hour
NEW YORK.—A gun that, its inven
tor says, can shoot a million bul
lets an hour at a cost of S2O; that
uses neither powder nor compressed
air, and that fires bullets that do not
require shells, was shot for the en
lightenment of a delegation of New
York reporters. The reporters saw
the gun shoot, but they were not per
mitted to see that part of the gun
out of which which the little steel bul
lets came with such rapidity.
A Swiss named Bangerter was in
troduced as the inventor. In order
that the secret should be maintained,
that part of the mechanism that it is
said causes the rapid shooting was
covered with oilcloth. Only the motor
that operates the gun and the little
bucketlike receptacles into which the
bullets are poured by the quart were
visible to the reporters.
There were targets made of a series
of big boards arranged in box fashion,
each plank about a foot behind the
one in front of it. There were four
boards in each target. When the
bullets started to fly, they riddled the
target into a pile of splinters a foot
high, and they did it in less than a
mhiute. All in all. it was estimated
that no less than 15,000 bullets
pierced the target.
The reporters were permitted then
to enter the gunroom. They saw a
West Pointers Inflict a ‘Silence’
WEST POINT. N. Y.—To the aver
age man who doesn’t rub up much
with array officers the West Point “si
lence,” which has been Inflicted on
Capt. Rufus E. Longan, instructor In
tactics here, is a good deal of a mys
tery. Most people understand that a
“silence” is a refusal of the cadets to
talk In the presence of the offending
instructor or official, but that Is about
as far as thdir information goes.
A 'silence” is a well organized pro
test on the part of the students of the
Military academy against some act
of one in authority. It may even be
an expression of general dislike, as
seems to be the case in the ignoring of
Captain Longan, who had only recent
ly been assigned from the Eleventh
Infantry to do duty at the academy.
How it originated no one knows, but it
has been practised at the military
school for many years, and in several
cases has been effective in causing
Texas City Runs Its Own Abattoir
(IT *
[help he any]
PARIS, Tex. —The first and only mu
nicipal r.battoir and animal reduc
tion plant in the United States is in
this city, and has been in successful
operation for several months. It marks
the beginning of anew era In munici
pal ownership of Industries that di
rectly concern the welfare of the peo
ple.
It is said that the idea is factical
for all cities end that it would work to
particular advantage in towns of 10,-
000 to 100,000 population. If generally
adopted it may lead to a solution of
the problem of high cost of meat and
other food products.
In Paris, with an estimated popula
tion of 15.000, the municipal sanitary
department found it very difficult to
supervise the several separate slaugh
ter houses maintained by the butchers.
The health of the people was con
stantly menaced by the unsanitary
conditions under which the animals
were slaughtered and the meats han
dled.
These private slaughter houses were
rudely constructed and most of them
were in some swamp or thicket. Dur
ing the summer flies were about the
Drinking Cup Sediment Kills a Pig
CHICAGO —Public drinking cups are
dangerous. They are excellent
mediums for transmitting the germs
of disease. Especially is this true in
public and parochial schols, where
a large number of children are com
pelled to use the same cups, according
to the health bureau.
Statistics show about one person in
sixty has tuberculosis, and among
school children tberu always are
those who have some of the commun
icable diseases in light form, and
these undoubtedly are communicated
by the use of the common cup.
So fully is this understood that sev
eral states have passed laws abol
ishing the public drinking cup. and
compelling railroads and public car
riers to supply individual ones The
plan also has been advocated in
schools, but the better and safer plan
is believed to be the installation of
motor from the wheel of which a belt
was operated. The belt connected the
motor with another wheel which was
a part of the mechanism on the top
of which was the oilcloth covered
weapon out of which the bullets came.
They also saw- the little buckets, on
either side of the gun. into which the
bullets are poured as they are need
ed. The reporters asked to see the
gun in operation. Mr. Bangerter or
dered another target swung into posi
tion. There was another whirl and a
second storm of bullets struck the tar
get. The fusillade lasted about ten
seconds. Again was the target de
molished.
But Mr. Bangerter and his asso
ciates refused to say anything about
what was under the oilcloth in the
little gunroom. They did give out a
typewritten statement, however, say
ing that one of these guns “could face
an army of thirty regiments of sol
diers or 30,000 men, and could mow
down that entire body of men as easy
as a knife cuts the grass. There is no
earthly possibility for any army to
successfully face the fire from a gun
of this kind which pours a veritable
hailstorm of bullets into the attack
ing forces, who must either sacrifice
their lives or turn in retreat.”
It was stated that Col. Rogers Bir
nie and Maj. Tracy C. Dickson, ord
nance department. United States
army, who are stationed at the Sandy
Hook proving grounds, and MaJ. Wil
liam G. Hian. coast artillery corps,
U. S. A., had witnessed a test of the
gun and that they had pronounced it
a wonderful invention, and had re
quested that a gun be made for test
ing purposes at Sandy Hook.
the removal of officers who have
ceased to be useful because of their
general unpopularity.
The “silence" is most effective in
the mess hall, and it is here that It Is
almost invariably “sprung.” While
discipline is relaxed at mess, neverthe
less the etiquette is strict. A cadet
captain, by virtue of his corps rank, is
superintendent of the mess. At the
head of each table sits a murnber of
the first class—the graduating class.
Every private of the first class Is an
assistant of the mess hall under the
cadet captain, and the tables take
their cue from his conduct at all times.
Tables do not ply knife and fork until
the first class man gives silent per
mission. When it is agreed to Inflict
"silence” on an officer, no one looks at
him as he appears in the mess hall.
The first class men at the head.”, of the
tables fold their arms and look
straight ahead The second, third
and fourth class men Imitate the atti
tude. There is absolute silence, not
a sound or a movement being made to
break the stillness.
The extreme penalty provided by
law for this degree of insubordination
is dismissal from the academy. Ex
treme measures, however, are resort
ed to only In unusual cases.
premises In untold millions. The?
covered the slaughtered animals. The
odor was terrific, and. Indeed, the
whole surroundings were such that It
appeared to all that the meat slaugh
tered under such conditions was not
at all fit for food.
Mayor Modulation and other mem
bers of bis administration tried to In
duce the butchers to form a stock
company and build an abattoir and
reduction plant, operating It them
selves, and allowing the city to fur
nish an Inspector only, but this could
not be accomplished.
The city then determined to estab
lish its own abbatoir and to provide
rules and regulations that would in
sure the slaughtering of only healthy
and well-conditioned animals and the
delivery to the people of meat In per
fect sanitary condition. The proposi
tion was agitated and met with gen
eral favor on the part of the public.
An issue of SIO,OOO of bonds was voted
for the construction of the plant. It
was equipped with sanitary arrange
ments and is modern and complete in
every respect.
Mayor McCuistion says: “The new
plant is being operated to the entire
satisfaction of every butcher and
every resident of the city, so far as I
have been able to hear. We are great
ly delighted with the success that has
crowned our efforts in this work, and
we believe that the establishment of
this plant has marked a distinct era
in the general sanitation of our city.”
what are known as "bubbling” cups
with the water Sowing over the rims
all the time.
A cup used in a high school foi
several months without having been
washed was found to be lined inside
with a thick brownish deposit- Un
der the microscope this deposit proved
to be composed of particles of mud,
thousands of bits of dead skin, and
millions of bacteria. Some of this
sediment was injected under the skin
of a healthy guinea pig and forty
hours later the pig died. An examina
tion afterward showed that pneumonia
germs had caused death. A second
guinea pig was inoculated with some
of the sediment from the same cup
and developed tuberculosis. Careful
inquiry showed that several pupil*
in this school from which the cup
was taken were then suffering from
consumption.
An agitation Is urged asking the
school board to Install the "bubbling'
cups in ail schools
Which?
"Well, old boy. Miss Snippy has
promised to marry me!”
"Promised, or threatened?”
Seeing Phoebe Home
By JANE OSBORN
Phoebe Dare sat erect on the shiny
haircloth sofa with her great eyes
fixed on the flowered carpet of the
Dare parlor. Before her, cramped
and uncomfortable, sat Jonathan
Crane, a grim smile on his homely
face and his eyes intent on Phoebe.
"Say, Phoebe." be said at length,
"who's going to take you to the Kings
leys’ dance?"
Phoebe made no response, but
merely raised her eyes proudly and
with a tantalizing twinkle.
“Of course you wouldn’t go with
me?” he asked. He began with the
“of course” in view of the fact that
Phoebe had Just emphatically de
clined his proffered hand and heart.
Phc'be made no reply and a long
pause followed while Jonathan gazed
with something like devotion at the
girl before him.
"The reason why I w-anted to take
you,” he began at lengtn, with a
drawl, "was because of that wager I
made with Craig Taylor."
"What wager?” asked the girl, sud
denly alert.
"Oh, I guess It wouldn't interest
you,” said Jonathan rising. "I’d bet
ter be going now.”
The girl, whose curiosity was thor
oughly aroused, barred the w-ay to the
door. “Tell tne what wager you have
with Craig,” she demanded in the
most pleading tones. "Please tell
me.”
“Oh, It wasn't much of a wager,”
said Jonathan, slowly. "I guess i
shouldn’t have said anything about
it.”
But Phoebe persisted.
“Oh, well,” said Jonathan, at last,
as if he had been moved by her en
treaty, “you see, I bet Craig that I
could take you to the dance, and he
bet that he could. That was more or
less the reason why 1 asked you to
marry me, so’s to sort of cinch the
matter.”
Phoebe looked at him with perplex
ity.
“Oh, It isn’t any great, matter," said
Jonathan. "I hate to lose the money
just now, but then I ought to have
known enough not to take such risks.
Phoebe's cheeks were scarlet, and
as she stood before him, holding the
mogjtjp hcato'3- l
door, Jonathan could feel the anger
that had risen withiu her.
“Did Craig Taylor dare to take up
that wager?” she asked.
“Yes.” said Jonathan deliberately,
watching her closely.
For another minute Phoebe still
held the door closed. Then, as she
opened it, she said with apparent
tranquility:
“Say. Jonathan, if you want me to
go to the Kingsleys' barn dance with
you. 1 would Just as soon.”
So on the evening of the annual
barn dance at the Kingsley farm.
Phoebe dressed In her most bewitch
ing frock, with a black ribbon at her
throat to set off the pinkest --nd fair
est of cheeks, and a rose in her hair
to add to its dark luster. She was
ready and waiting, wrapped well for
the cold drive, when Jonathan came,
and she stepped eagerly into the
buggy beside him.
“Oh. do hjrry,” she begged, as her
little foot tattooed on the floor of the
buggy in anticipation of the dancing
she loved. “I can hardly wait, and
yet you go so dreadfully slow.”
Jonathan felt the blood tingle
within him as he realized that it was
in his power to make her impatient
—the girl who kept him in a mood of
perpetual impatience.
Jonathan stalked into the floor of
the Kingsley bam with a sense of
ffiomentary triumph. At his side
beamed Phoebe, whose fickle heart.
One of Her Lives Lost.
John Burroughs, the aged natural
Ist, is by no means a sentimentalist,
and loses no chance to ridicule the na
ture writers who attribute almost hu
man intelligence to restores beneath
man in the scale of life In the Ken
nebec Journal there is a story told by
a New York editor of a dinner at
which Mr. Burroughs and a young
writer of the new school were guests.
This young man told a wonderful
story about the Intelligence of oy
sters. He said he was going to put
the story in bis new book. Mr. Bur
roughs gave a dry laugh, and said:
‘Let me teil you about a cat This
story is quite as authentic as the
other one. and it should do for your
boji: nicely.”
The venerable student paused im
pressively, then Baid:
‘A Springfield couple had a cat that
age had rendered helpless, and they
put It out of its misery by means of
chloroform. They burled it in the
garden, and planted a rose bush over
its remains. The next morning a fa-
Coyyught. 1910. by Associated Literary Pnii
Jonathan was sure, had at some time
worked havoc with well nigh every ;
mtu there. His eve caught the self
satisfied smile of the city-bred Craig
Taylor, whose recent friendship with
Phoebe had filled Jonathan with mad
dening Jealousy.
“Oh. hello. Phoebe," said Craig,
stepping up to them and nodding
slightly to Jonathan. Then as he
lightly paid Plioehe a pretty compli
ment Jonathan was no longer able
to disguise his 111 temper. So Phoebe,
with no other thought than to tease
Jonathan, smiled adorably at Craig.
But when the last dance camo an-i
the lights had begun to burn low and
lesser beauties than Phoebe had be
gun to droop. Jonathan’s spirits be
gan to rise In anticipation of the Joy
of seeing Phoebe home. He had taken
his buggy from the shed and stood
waiting for her, when all at once he
heard her laugh and at the same In
stant realized that she was with
Craig Taylor, getting into Craig Tay
lor’s buggy.
“Hello, Jonathan," called one of
the men, w-lth a laugh, "thought you
were going to take Phoebe homo.”
One of the girls suppressed v gig
gle and for a minute Jonathan had
a great desire to fight every one. His
next thought was of overtaking Craig,
laying him flat and carrying oh tho
girl he loved Instead, -onathan
slowly swung into his buggy and
drove thoughtfully through the < risp
morning air.
it was a few days later, on Sun
day afternoon, and Jonathan again
sat in the little Dare parlor, before
Phoebe, who, as usual, sat upright
on the hair sofa He had not seen
her since the memorable dance and
Phoebe expected to be scolded.
"I say, Phoebe," Jonathan said at
length, “perhaps you’d like to go out
sleighing with me—out to the lake
It’s great sleighing."
Phoebe accepted readily and with
out further delay Jonathan was ready
with his horse and sleigh, with heated
bricks and heavy wraps to keep out
the cold winds.
If Phoebe was radiant at a dance
when the music and motion had
brought the color to her face and the
light to her eyes, sho was even more
so in a sleigh when the fresh, cold
wind and the sound of the sleigh
bells seemed somehow to work won
ders.
It was a long drive, but Jonathan’s
spirits did not lag, and as they
neared the Bhore of the lake, bleak
and deserted, with not a sign of mor
tal far miles around, he could feel
the girl at bis side shrinking toward
him helplessly.
“My. but this is a lonely spot in
winter,” she said. “Would you ever
think it could be so nice in summer?”
“I don’t know, Phoebe,” said Jona
than. smijing. "Let’s get out and
walje abou> a gainute to get up the
circulation. You seem a bit cold ”
So Phoebe, accepting the sugges
tion, got out from the sleigh, and, as
she turned about for Jonathan to fol
low, she saw him quickly whip up
his horse, and. turning as sharp a
corner, as the sleigh would allow, he
drove away from her
"Jonathan, Jonathan!” she railed
in tones that were unavailing.
On he drove, with tho distracted
girl running and crying after him.
At length, after he had gone half a
mile through the snow, he stopped
and. with a grim smile on his face,
watched the girl plod through the
snow after him
"Jonathan,” she walled when she
had reached him. "Jonathan, what
ever are you doing?”
“Well,l guess,” Said Jonathan with
deliberation, "you can find someone
else to take you home. You’d hardlj
expect me to. after the dance at
Kingsley's, would you, seeing it's not
your custom to go home with the
man that brings you?"
Phoebe was in tears—tears of re
morse and hurt pride, not, of anger—
and when a minute later Jonathan
had seized her in his arms and put
her ger”v In Ihe sleigh at his side
she clung trembling to his arm.
"Jonathan,” she said, after they
had driven through tho snow for a
few minutes. "Jonathan. I'm sorry.
Jonathan made no reply.
"Jonathan.” she said again plead
ingly. "Jonathan, did you win that
wager?”
“There wasn’t any wager,” said '
Jonathan “That was a lie I told you j
about the wager ”
“Then then you didn’t, propose to
me Just to 'cinch the matter?”' she
asked.
“No," said Jonathan "I proposed
because I had a notion of marrying
you.”
And this time Phoebe accepted.
miliar scratching took them to the
front door and there was the cat
waiting to be let. in with the rose
bush under its arm.”--Youth's Com
pan ion.
Coral Reefs Inland.
Mention of coral reefs brings to
one's mind a picture of palm-dotted
islets girt with white sands in a tro
pical sea but geologists find coral
reefs in the midst of great continents.
These, of course, belong to a past age
of the earth’s history, but on that ac
count they are the more interesting
Within late years several remarkable
reefs of fossfi coral have been ex
plored near itainbridge, on the Flint
river in Georgia. In one rase a very
large portion of the reef exposed con
stated of coral heads, some of which
were more than a foot in diameter
Between twenty-five and thirty specie*
of coral have been recognized in these
reefs. They are ascribed to the Ter
nary age.
•
ROOSTS FOR POULTRY HOUSE
Excellent Plan Is Shown in Illustra
tion—One Side Can Be Raised
During Cleaning.
To make the roost shown in the ac
companying illustration, use four
pieces of 2x3. five feet long for the*
frame. Cuy ; each end at an angle of 45
1
Roost for Poultry House.
degrees and hinge over the top with
eight-inch strap hinges. On these
frames nail seven 2x2 strips seven feet
long for roosts. Beginning at the top.
pall these 15 Inches apart, as Indicated
at B.
Fig. A shows the qud section with
the support, which lata piece o' 2x3,
three feet four inches long, and the
stay brace, which is a piece Ix 2, three
feet, four Inches long. It also Indicates
how one side can be raised when the
floor Is cleaned.
CARE OF POULTRY IN WINTER
Not Much Hard Work Required to
Keep Flock in Summer, but Differ
ent In Cold Weather.
(By B. A WELCH.)
It does not require much hard work
to keep a flock In good condition in
the summer, but absolute neglect will
often completely destroy the winter
egg producing qualities of not only
the old hens but. the pullets ns well.
If you have not removed every win
dow In the chicken house and substi
tuted wire netting In order to provide
p -rfect ventilation do so at. once.
Better that the chicks roost in the
trees than they be confined in a ver
min ridden building.
Body lice will worry a flock to
death, or nearly so us to destroy its
usefulness. These can be killed but
not easily.
Persian Insect powder will do the
business. It should be applied with a
powder spray by one person "While an
other holds the fowls by the legs so
that the powder may reach every part
of the skin through the disturbed
feathers.
HANDY HOPPER FOR CHICKENS
May Be Constructed of Wood or Gal
vanized Iron and Will Prevent
Birds Scattering Grain.
An economical and useful device In
the poultry yard is shown In the illus
tration.
This hopper may be made of gal
vanized Inin or of wood. It Is intend
ed to prevent hens from wasting feed
when eating, says Orange Judd Farm
ii
! !
Hopper for Saving Food.
er. The hopper proper Is hung above !
the lower box, which may be emptied j
back into the hopper when desired.
Plan of Feeding.
Hy giving the hens Just as much i
ood as they will relish In the morn j
ing and scattering some small grain I
in the litter, they will start scratching j
and will keep It up until their crops j
are filled.
At night they can be given all they j
can eat of acceptable foods, varying i
as frequently as circumstances allow j
With the variety of food obtainable i
In the summer time, even for confined !
fowls, there is little excuse for having i
overfed birds.
Cleanly Poultry Feed.
1t should be the ruit that nothing
is thrown in the poultry runs that will
not be eaten up quickly by the fowls.
To make (he runs a dumping place
for slop soon furnishes the stock with
a lot of sour, tainted stuff that is sure
to create sickness.
Profit in Bettmg Eggs
Every farmer w.ho has pure bred
fowls can sell eggs for hatching in
the spring. They are rarely sold for
less than $1 a setting and this will
bring In a nice sum each year. The
eggs of fowls that, have a reputation
as pure breds will often sell for from
I” to |5 a setting.
BHe for Poultry House.
in building anew poultry bouse
select anew site. Never build on
old grounds, as they are often In
fested with disease and will cause
more evil than good. Clean ground
will promote health lu the Sock.
BENEFITS OF POULTRY SHOW
Of Particular Educational Value to Be
ginner—Gives Fancier Chance to
See Live Birds.
<Ry R. It. WHITE.V
The educational value of the poul
try' show to the fancier, and particu
larly to the beginner, cannot be over
estimated. A study of the standard
or other descriptions without the op
portunity to see live specimens could
never give the clear, concise concep
tion of a variety which the poultry
birds creates. Nor Is this benefit
lost to the experienced fancier, for
every opportunity which he gets to
see tho birds of his competitors and to
meet and exchange ideas with his fel
low breeders is of direct educational
value After all. poultry breeding,
like all other live-stock breeding, fol
lows certain fashions, which are con
stantly changing more or less slowly,
and for this reason the fancier who
never has opportunity to observe oth
i er men’s stock can scarcely expect to
keep abreast of these fashions In
birds. To the fanciers, 'horefore, both
old and new. the poultry show is a lib
eral education, aud In some sense a
necessity.
To those not particularly famllla r
with poultry and who attend the show
largely from curiosity the exhibition
has a distinct educational value. It
opens their eyes to the extent and
degree to which poultry breeding has
been carried, and brings a realization
of importance of the industry. In this
relation the show has a direct value to
the industry in arousing Interest in
poultry breeding and in gaining many
new recruits.
To the plain or utility poultryman
the show has, of course, an education
al value. It may open his eyes to the
value of pure-bred stock as compared
with scrub or mongrel stock, though
here It would seem to fall somewhat
In Its possibilities. The writer has
been informed, however, that this ed
ucatlonal influence Is felt In the In
Prize Winners.
creasing difficulty which Is met by
fanciers in selling cull stock. The In
ddustrial exhibits are also valuable to
Ihe poultryman, quite as much so. In
fact, us to the fancier. To this class
the Hh*>w should have a much more
tar reaching offi .'t that at present ex
ists. and it Is in this respect that re
forms should be Initiated.
EGGS DURING COLD WEATHER
To Insure Laying Hens Mutt Be Given
Warm Quarters and Proper
Kind of Feed.
<Hy MRH <’. FISH )
Provide warm, dry houses for them
to roott in. Corn should only bo
given for the evening meal during
cod weather to impart warmth to the
body All grains should be scattered
among straw or chaff to Induce exer
cise. Green food and fresh water
should be given dally. Clover, tf cut
very fine, scalded, and fed with a
sprinkling of ground grain In the
morning, allowing the hens to eat as
much as they will, will keep tho
hens In health and will no' cost as
much as grain. Also give meat and
ground hone to the fowls every day.
This way iff feeding ts sure to glvv
you eggs In winter.
How to Feed the Flocks.
ScratcUpf to of more importance
than feeding, and P Is not necessary
to feed them more than twice a day,
as the noon meal usually satisfies the
fowls that they will not be Inclined to
scratch and then exercise. The hen
taat has to hustle for part of her liv
ing will be laying eggs while the over
fed hen is serenely digesting her food
and quietly waiting for her owner to
bring more.
Get Chicks to Roost.
To Induce the young chicks to roost
in the poultry house as soon as they
are weaned, build a ladder of a wide
board with narrow cleats nailed
across at short Intervals. Where the
roosts are easy to reach the young
birds are more ready to use them.
n%lggr^
These bright days make work in the
poultry yard a real pleasure.
Hens should not be expected to
drink ice water or eat corn out of
snow.
When fenced away from the gar
dens and flower beds fowls do little
damage and cause scarcely any annoy
ance on a farm.
Chickens will not scratch when they
are overfed nor when there Is no
feed in the litter. The idea is to keep
them scratching
The material from which egg shells
are made is carbonate of lime and
there are many forms in which this
may be furnished.
Mens that are not laying these days
can coaxed sometimes by feeding
them a small amount of cut bone or
fresh meat, in some form.
When it becomes necessary to wash
eggs on account of their becoming
soiled in the nest, don’t use soap or
anything else but luke warm wafer.
The Indian Runner duck Is to the
duck family what the Leghorn Is to
the hen family. They are great lay
ers, but not so suitable for market
purioses.
If you keep the poultry house as.
clean as the dairy house and use
equal energy and good sense in ev
ery other branch of the business you
will make money.
r^OMLCOOTK
V M .by WILBUR D NE-PBIT
THeUnif BOYS
1 had a nawftil dream las’ night; 11
dreamt th' schoolhouse bell
C'ome ninntn' after me an’ gtva a nawfut
fiendish yell.
An' that It chased me through the town
an' out arrest th’ crick.
An' then It stopped an' yelled at me:
"You thtnk you’re might slick!
Rut I'll bo coinin' afler you another dtov
'fora long.
An’ alien l do I thtnk that you will sing
another song."
I drempt the schoolhouse glared at me;
Its windows looked like eyes
An' that the big doors was a mouth of
most tremendus slxe.
An' that. It rolled Its window eyes an’
gnashed Its big door teeth
An' shook Its front-stntr chin that swung
an' wabbled underneath
An' growled: "All right for you, my boy.
But you can't get away.
I’ll have you back tnside o' ir first thing
you know some day."
An all the words In all the world Jumped
out of all the hooks
An’ come a-runnlng' after me with most
hloodthlrak' looks—
All of them Ya.l their tetters wrong.
which made them look real queer
Th' big flve-syllabul ones, too, was scat
tered far an' near.
An' all of them kept shatterin' as long as
I'a In elghti
"You got to come back to th* achool an'
learn to spell ua right."
An' then a tot of 2-and-2's come from th*
schoolhouse door
An' kept a-stngln* all th' time about how
they made ,
An' Ixinft Division hobbled up an' made a
face at me.
An' someone kept a-cryln': Can't you
find that O. C. D.?"
Th’ Joggerphy Jumped up at me and
scared me half to death
By tailin' me to bound the lands an*
never stop for breath.
So I woke up an' pinched myself to see tf
I was here.
But all today I've gono around an' fett
extremely queer.
I walked a past th' schoolhouse an* It
looked about th' same,
But something somewhere muttered, an*
1 thought It called my name.
Aw what's th' good o' havin' any oid
vacation? Bay!
It spoils It all to know you've got to go
to school some day.
Immunity.
"Kitty Fllrtlelgh Bays she already
has become engaged to fifteen men."
“Yes. I knew her when she was a
child. She was vaccinated twenty
times, and It never took,”
O, Happy Pate.
. ‘O. happy death’” the > er sighed
The while the lovely g, 1 ha eyed.
“Oh, happy death, I > kiss your hair
And taste the bleaching compound there.
To press your cheek, which like a rose
With artificial blushes glows,
To finish otr with lengthened sips
Of the bright red upon your lips-
And. my blood with your beauty filled.
Be by your loveliness thus killed:"
Has To.
They arp discussing the new sum
mer boarder,
"Yes, he seems to be a decent sort
of a fellow,” says the man with last
month's magazine and the carved
Ivory toothpick, 'but he eats like a
horse.”
The man who Is waiting for a remit
tance before settling last week's board
bill comments upon this charge thus:
"Of course, he does. He must. Isn't
he one of these health food cranks?
I've seen him eat nothing but chopped
feed and whole wheat."
A Call for Diplomacy.
"He sends me his photo, and pro
poses matrimony—and I don't want
him; but It Is so near Christmas that
I— Oh, dear!"
The Novelist's Woes.
doggedly forging ahead, our hero
bent his sturdy form to the howling
gale, which hurled the snow into his
face with such force as to render him
breathless. In Ills numb arms he held
the slight form of Gladys Vancourt,
whose face was bv now a bluish wblte.
showing that the bitter arctic blast
was congealing her patrician blood.
Stumbling, plunging, falling Into deep
drifts, he —
itrat that electric fan: It has stopped
again.
Her First Social Function.
The Infant that Is being christened
sets up a terrific wailing.
"Whose child Is that?" asks some
one in a back pew.
“It’s the little daughter of Mr. and
Mrs. MMtles,” answers his neighbor in
a whisper. "This Is her flrei appear
ance in public, and natura’.iy she is a
bit frightened.”
"Ah!” murmurs the other
“Making her debut-hoo?”