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SttvtesmeA T &y r C?lar m J' c_ flio ORCE, picturesqueness and abil ity In congress knows no sec- 1 8 tlons. Northerners, southern- I crs, easterners and westerners —I 11-i have their strengths and their w'eaknesses, their likes and their \ JL ) dislikes, their physical manner isms and their mental idiosyn \ J crasles just like all other human There have been men In con gress who year In and year out on every occasion have kept hewing to the line of one special legislative endeavor. John T. Morgan, for years senator from the state of Ala bama, worked for months untold to secure the adoption by the United States government of the Nicaraguan route for the great interoceanlc canal. He lost out, but it is probable that the facts which he obtained in his researches were of more value to the diggers of the canal than those gathered by any other one man. Senator Morgan was one of the noted excep tions to the psalmist’s rule for the limit of the years of man. Some of the flippant, and pos sibly tired, senators declared that Mr. Morgan’s speeches were as long as his life. If the vole© of the Alabama man had been younger there would have been few sleepy ones In the senate when ho talked—that is when he talked on any other subject than the interoceanlc canal. Then It was to fly before the face of his oratory. There was substance to Senator Morgan’s speeches, and this much cannot be said for the vocal efforts of some of the flippant and younger ones. The aged one’s words went into the Con gressional Record and illuminated its pages. When he rose to speak many of the colleagues of Mr. Morgan retreated to the restaurant or the cloak room. Only rarely did he take apparent no tice of the seeming discourtesy. Once, wisely or unwisely, he said with something of pathos in his voice that he wished he could talk in the lunch room, for there he would be sure of an audience. Mr. Morgan w-as no imperialist. He had a fear in his heart of the outcome of the policy of expan sion, and the note of warning that came from his lips was frequent and forceful. One day, after outlining the position which he believed his country should take, his voice came back to him. Senators starting to leave their seats sunk back and listened. The words fairly rang through the chamber. This was what he said: "In this lofty attitude we can prove the vir tue of the republic before the eyes of all man kind, or we can set its light as a beacon to warn coming generations that, even in the highest reach of power and advantage, this republic— the cynosure of all eyes—ls affected to the core with the sin of covetousness, and is aflame with the consequent lust of power that is attended with the usurpations, tyrannies and oppressions which have marked the course of the oligarchies and despots that have disgraced the history of other nations.” The senate of th© United States stands for dig nity. Sometimes the dignity is overdone, but, on one occasion the Senate was undignified to the point of striking several older senators with horror. Senator Tillman of South Carolina was mak ing nothing lois than an Impassioned speech. He was reaching toward the skies of oratory, when Senator Warren left his seat, unseen of Tillman, and took station behind the South Carolinian. The speaker had both hands high over his head directing the soaring of his thoughts and words. Warren took a step forward. His hand stole to Tillman’s side, slipped into his pocket, and came out again holding in its clutch a big black bottle. All unconscious Tillman w’ent on with his words of fire. Warren held bis find aloft in full view of the presiding officer, of his colleagues and the crowded galleries. There was a gasp, then a smothered and simultaneous gurgle of horror from a hundred throats, and then roaring laugh ter uncheckable. Tillman turned and knowledge of the awfulness of his situation came to him. For once, possibly for the first time in his life, he was staggered to speechlessness. He strove for words, but they came not at his bidding. His face was first black with something like anger. Then the cloud clear ed and a smile broke through. Speech returned, and two words came; “Boracic acid.” It was boracic acid, but unfortunately for Mr. Tillman, it had been put into a black and suspi cious bottle. A sore throat was the reason for its carrying, and while the South Carolinian is a man of known truth, he would not let the matter pass until he had passed the bottle and had forced him comrades to smell the stuff and make clear his temperance record. Neither senate nor house makes light of pen sion pleas in the presence of the galleries, but some of the would-be pensioners play comic roles in the committee rooms and corridors. Claim ants who can prove things are treated as old sol diers and old soldiers’ widows ought to be treated —decently and reverently. Congress in its weakness has voted pensions on many an occasion, though doubtless know ing that the pensions were unearned and unde served, but the day of that sort of thing is pass ing. if it has not altogether gone. One member was asked to use his influence to secure an in- The Shepherd of the Black Sheep Professor Sir Charles Bell in the Strand Calls It a Convulsive Ac tion of the Diaphragm. “Laughter,” says Professor Sir Charles Bell in the London Strand, “is a convulsive action of the diaphragm. In this state the person draws a full breath and throws it out in interrupt ed, short and audible cachinnations. This convulsion of the diaphragm Is the principal part of the physical man ifestation of laughter; but there are several accessories, especially the sharp vocal utterance arising from the violent tension of the larynx and the expression of the features, this being Thought it Was a Giraffe Kow a Georgia Darky Clubbed and Captured Nero, the Ferocious Man-Eating Lion. Capt. Pierre Droulilard looked from the piazza at the rain falling drearily the other day, says a New York letter to the Cincinnati Times-Star. It re minded him, he said, of the time that h one-ring circus was tornadoed H crease of pension for the widow of a soldier. There were papers forwarded to him which bore on the case, and these he turned over to the committee on pensions after his bill had been Introduced. The widow did not get her money, and it was not long before the whole house knew why. The member who had espoused the widow’s cause had been in congress for years, and the joke at his expense was too good to keep, and one after another of his colleagues walked up to his desk and congratulated him on the wisdom shown in the plea which was in written form, he had turned in to the committee to win the widow’s case. It is perhaps needless to ray that the mem ber had never read the plea. It set forth the fact that while the amount of pension increase the widow of the soldier hero asked for was large, it must be understood “that she came of good family, moved in the best social circles, and was In need of a large sum of money to keep up appearances.” Upon occasion senators and representatives per mit their constituents to do their talking for them in congress. Petitions come in floods at times, with the object of securing legislation by external pressure. In the Smoot case, and in the pure food and army canteen matters the pleas of the people came in by the tens of thousands. The members of both houses present these let ters, call attention to their import and then allow the petition to do the rest if they are potent enough. Senator Latimer of South Carolina once intro duced a good roads bill calling for the expendi ture of government millions for the improvement of the highways. The automobilists all over the country began sending letters of approval. They pressed their friends into the writing service, but that they did not always pass upon the persuasive merits of the friends' productions is shown fair ly well by one letter on the good roads’ subject received by Senator Cullom. It read like this; “Dear Mr. Cullom: Please vote for this d —d bill, and you will oblige a fool friend of mine who runs an automobile. Yours more or less sincerely, ” It was a Chicago man who wrote this appeal. There were others like unto it. The good roads bill svill sleeps. In the older days the school readers contained the story of “I’ll Try Sir Miller.” Probably everybody knows who “I’ll Try Sir Milter,” was. Certainly eveybody ought to know r . Gen. James Miller then a captain, was the hero of Lundy’s Lane. He said he would try to do the thing necessary for the thrashing of the enemy, and he did it, and “I’ll Try Sir,” took the place of his Christian name James. a more intense form of the smile. In extreme cases the eyes are moistened by the effusion from the lachrymal glands.” There you have a scientific defini tion. But It Is clear that mankind would hardly take the trouble to go through fhat experience if that is all that laughter consisted of. They would not regard a Dickens or a Mark Twain as a benefactor merely because a perusal of their writings produced that. No; even the philoso phers know that laughter is something better than that —something internal —that there is such a thing as silent laughter. Hobbes calls laughter “a down In Georgia. The main top was blown down, the menagerie tent was destroyed, all the cages were upset and the animals escaped. The man agement huddled about a stove in a cross-roads store and peered pessi mistically into a dismal future. The chances were they would never get the animals back. The chances were better that someone would be in- sudden glory arising from a sudden conception of some eminency in our selves by comparison with the infirm ity of others, or w r ith our own for merly.” If a laugh is a benefaction and the provoker of a laugh a benefactor, why are there more statues to dull people than to witty ones? Who was the greatest laugh promoter in history? It was said of Sidney Smith that he was the father of 10,000,000 laughs. Laughter,” said Lord Rosebery re cently, “is a physical necessity. We live under a sunless sky, surrounded by a melancholy ocean, and it is a physical necessity for the English na tion—even for the Scotch nation and the Welsh nation—to laugh. It ex hilarates all social relations. Was not,” his lordship added, “the laugh Jured by the savage and ferocious beasts, which were exhibited at one price of admission. By and by a negro approached. “Did you all lose a gi-raffe?” he asked. “We lost everything,” said the man ager, shortly. “But we'll pay you if you get the giraffe back.” “It ought to be tvorf two dollahs to git dat gi-raffe bseV’ said the darky. “Pears lak he a powahful bad-tem persd gi-raffe. If Ah hadn’t wallop ed him wif a club, dat gi-raffe would done bitten me.” For years several representatives In congress tried to secure an appropriation to be used for the building of a monument to General Miller at Peterboro, N. H., near which town “I’ll Try Sir” lived on a farm before the war of 1812, and for years after its close. The representatives who had the matter of pushing the bill in hand used the words of Captain Miller at Lundy’s Lane to express their own determination to secure a vic tory. They certainly did try, and the speeches that were made before the library committee of congress held patriotic appeals in every sentence. Apparently, however, it was easier for Miller to capture a battery against odds than it was for members of congress to capture the dollars neces sary to build a monument of enduring stones to his memory. It was a case of try and try again. While the cause of Miller, whose heroism was worth a dozen monoments, was being pleaded, congress voted money for memorials to other men less de serving. Finally, however, a New Hampshire member who had been digging into history found out something about “I’ll Try Sir’s” career which was not generally known. Congress had been told time and again that Captain Miller not only had shown conspicuous gallantry at Lundy Lane, but that prior to that fight he had thrashed a superior force of British and Indians at Managua. Congress had also been told that Miller had com manded the center column of General Brown’s army, which routed what was apparently an overwhelmingly greater force of the British at Fore Erie. These things didn’t make an impression. Con gress seemed to think that Inasmuch as Miller was a soldier that it was his business to defeat superior forces of the enemy every day in the week without imposing any monument-raising duty on posterity. The New Hampshire member, however, found out that after the war of 1812 Miller "went back to his farm near Petersboro, plowed fields, chopped wood and milked the cows instead of going to Washington to ask the gov ernment to do something for him on account of his record. Miller’s popularity was such after the treaty of peace that the government probably would have been glad to give him anything that it had to give. When “I’ll Try Sir” was asked why he was playing Cincinnatus instead of taking a job in Washington, he replied: “When men begin leaving the farms for the cities the nation will begin to decay.” Congress was told of this saying of Miller’s, and either admiration for his choice of a farm er’s life or else belief that he was a prophet who before long might have the truth of hla prophecy proved, brought a favorable report from the committee on library in the matter of the monument at Petersboro. of Sir Frank Lockwood something that would make a stuffed bird rejoice? And those who listened to the splen dor of merriment which he could im part by that laugh realize the intense value of that emotional exercise.” Alibi. Father (having caught his son In a lie) —Haven’t I always told you to tell the truth? Son —Yes, father; but you also told me never to become the slave of a habit. Do you ever think of the irrevocable nature of speech? You may find, years after your light word was spoken spoken, that it made a whole life unhappy, or ruined the peace of a household. —Stopford Brooke. “Giraffes don't bite, you fool,' the manager said. ‘Giraffes kick. But you bring him back and we’ll give you two dollars.” “Dis gi-raffe bites,” the colored man insisted. In a few moment he reap peared, leading by a rope around his neck, Nero, the Most Ferocious Man- Eating in Captivity. “W’oa,” said he, jerking at the rope. Nero stopped obedient in the rain. “Gimme nmli two dollahs, w’ite man," said he. “Heah’s youah gi-raffe. An' he de bile.” Their Step-Sister’s Surprise By CORA A. DONALDSON Ruth sat alone on the veranda, stranded by the merry withdrawing tide of young folk who were going out at the gate with cushions, shawls and coats. There were six of them — each of her tall, gorgeously colored young stepsisters had her beau. They were bound for the river where boats were waiting. Ruth, with a long sigh, could think of nothing nicer than to be able to spend an hour on the river in the light of the rising moon, ac companied by somebody who was sufficiently happy just in the privilege of making love to her. The young folks’ gay laughter came back to her from the still street She leaned against the pillar, folding her hands and trying to imagine what she had never experienced. Behind her was the cheerful disorder of a hasty exodus, chairs out of their places, newspapers scattered, the rug kicked up. She ought to put things in order, but she was so tired. And after tomorrow there were oth er days just as busy, just as weari some—an endless succession whose duties must be faced with every bit of energy she could muster. The girls were young and thoughtless. Twenty, eighteen, sixteen they were —just in their bloom. She was eight years older. She felt eighty years older sometimes. She had been twenty when her stepmother died. It was a sad house hold, and her father was always so helpless. He had turned to her. Trying to Imagine What She Had Never Experienced. There had seemed nothing for her to do but pick up the fallen reins of do mestic government and handle them as best she could. It was appalling bow unprepared she was, for she had learned little save music. She had meant to teach it, but, alas, her teach ing had begun and ended with the family circle. As for practicing, she never had time for it now. Staring up at the moon, she wandered if she had done all the duty required of her. At least she had done as well as she could. Her stepsisters, handsome, too, with their red hair and glowing complexions. To see them was to ad mire them. She had always divided the money that came her way impartially among the three. It went such a little way after all. They were big and it took so much cloth to clothe them. Then, too, they had such a love for adorn ment. sho was at her wits’ ends some times to supply their demands in ways that w r ould not distress her fa ther. It was a good thing that she was small, for the best parts of the girls’ discarded clothing made over very nicely for her. Only in footgear was she forced to be extravagant. She wore out so many shoes walking at her house work. The girls did not help her very much. They hated housework. She could not blame them. She thought she hated it herself sometimes. And really it was as easy to do a task her self as to coax somebody to do it for one. The girls were young—just in the midst of their girlhood and wild to have all the good times they could. Youth came but once in a lifetime, as Louise said. It same to Ruth suddenly that she had never had time to be young at all. First she had worked so bard in order to become self-supporting; then she had had to take charge of the household. For eight years she had played the part of a self-denying house mother. She had been to no parties, had no smart frocks. As for beaus —why, she had had no time at KNEW SHE WAS VERY UGLY How the Experienced Gossip Could Tell What Jim’s New Wife Looked Like. After the report had been current for a week that Jim’s wife, whom. Jim had met and married and was fetlll secluding In Chicago, was ugly as sin, a friend who had Jim’s in terests at heart ran down the author of the rumor with the intention of making her retract. “How do you know she Is ugly?” he asked. “Have you ever seen her?" “No,” said the experienced gossip, “I never fcave, neither have I seen her picture, nor anybody who has seen either her o her picture, but I know she Is ugly, because I had it straight from a person who lives in Chicago that when she ordered a dozen pictures taken just a while be fore the wedding the photographer made her pay in advance, and a photographer never does that unless the subject Is go ugly that she is apt first and latterly the girls had won all the attention. Louise was al ready engaged. She looked upon Kuth as an old maid. “You’ll never marry now,” she said. No, she never would. The girls would go, but she would stay. Her father and she would be old together. For her it would be a case of “crusts and left-overs” to the end. Hark! The man next door was play ing and singing. She knew* what he was singing. It was “The Monotone.” W hat a strange man he was —or, at least, Helen said he was strange, and she knew him better than any of them, unless, indeed. It was her la ther. Ever since he had come with his old sister to live In the beautiful house nest door he had been kind to them all, sharing his fruit and flow ers with them and lending the girls books and music. They were always going to bis house on some mission or other, and they were always wel come. Ruth had gone once decor ously to call, as befitted her position as nominal head of her father’s house hold. She had been a little awed by what she had seen. It must be so nice to have rugs that had no worn places and chairs whose interior mechanism of springs was successful ly concealed by abundant stuffing. Mrs. Fleet had been very sweet to her, but Ruth had felt somehow that she preferred the society of the girls. And so she had not gone again. The piano next door ceased. Mr. Marr evidently did not intend to sing again. Ruth wished he would. When ever she heard him playing she felt an impulse to fly to the old piano in the parlor and practice with might and main. It was a pity that her music had cost so much and nad come to nothing. “Miss Ruth!” A man stood bare headed on the grass before her look ing at her, a kindly smile under his grayish mustache. She brought her eyes down from the moon to him with a start “So the youngsters have gone and left you?” he said. “I heard a commo tion here a little while ago and sus pected that the river had called them. It has called me, too. I’ve got anew boat down there under the bank —the paint is just dry on it —oh, a beautiful boat —and as my sister is as afraid of water as a hen I’ve come to see If you won’t go with me for a little row. “Oh, Mr. Marr!” Ruth gasped in de light and her face bloomed In shy radiance. “Why, I’ve just been dying to go—and now I can! It’s so good of you to ask me." Oh, the wonder of the river and the moon and the boat’s motion and the man at the oars, whose face looked young enough and handsome enough in the generous light! He sung to her softly in his rich voice; he talked to her; he told her amusing stories. And Ruth forgot that she was +lmid and forlorn and laughed and confided in him until it seemed that she had told him every secret of her poor lit tle life. “It is a pity that you have had to neglect your music when you love it so,” he said, “but I am sure that with a few good lessens you could pick it up again easily.” “I suppose so,” Ruth sighed, “but you see I haven’t the time.” “Take time. Give your housekeep ing over to your sisters.” As she stared at him in surprise he leaned forward resting upon the oars. “Ruth, tell me, if you could, wouldn’t you emancipate yourself by marrying somebody who had money and would be good to you. Wouldn’t you, dear?” “But —nobody—would—” “Yes, somebody would —does. 1, Ruth. I must seem like a pretty old fellow to you, but I believe I could make you happy. I want you, dear. And my sister is willing. We have talked it over together. If you will marry me I can promise, that you shall never regret.” An hour later Ruth, somewhat re covered from the excitement of re ceiving and accepting her first pro posal, stole upstairs. As she opened the door of her room an unsual sight greeted her. The girls were there squatting on the floor about the open window. “We couldn’t see the moon any where else,” Louise said. “Where have you been, Ruth?” “I’ve been on the river,” Rutb an swered, trying to keep her happy voice steady. “I went with Mr. Marr In his new boat. And —and, oh, girls! I may as well tell you. I’m —he —I’m going to marry him!” There was an aghast silence. Then Louise spoke. “Well,” she said, "of course It’s all right if you love him.” “Love him!” Ruth repeated, and her voice rang. “I adore him, girls,” she cried. to be discouraged when she sees the pictures and refuse to pay for them on the ground that he hasn’t done good work. If you don’t believe me ask any photographer.” But Jim’s champion let the matter drop. A New Way of Earning Money. I live in a large block. There are nine flats in It owned by one person, who employs an agent to look after the property. Thinking one day about some way to make a little extra mon ey, it occurred to me that many people came to see vacant flats who never came again because the agent lived so far away. I offered to keep keys at my home, to show rooms to possible customers, to let them see my rooms when they desired, and to show off the good points of the flats to renters. I asked a reduction In my rent as pay. He gave It at once. It is the same as earning money and It has led to other methods of earning, so that now we pay almost no rent. —Harper’s Bazar IN THE UP-TO-DATE FASHION I Lecturer Found It No Trouble at All to Answer Question Meant to Embarrass Him. “Will you allow me to ask you a question?" Interrupted a man in the audience. “Certainly, sir," said the lecturer. “You have given us a lot of figures about Immigration, Increase of wealth, the growth of trusts and all that," said the man." Let's see what you know about figures yourself. How do you find the greatest common di visor?” Slowly and deliberately the orator took a glass of water. Then he pointed his finger straight at the questioner. Lightning flashed from his eyes, and he replied, in a voice that made the gas jets quiver: "Advertise for It, you ignoramus!” The audience cheered and yelled and stamped, and the wretched man who had asked the question crawled out of the hall a total wreck. DISFIGURED WITH CRUSTS “Some time ago I was taken with eczema from the top of my head to my waist. It began with scales on my body. I suffered untold Itching and burning, and could not sleep. I was greatly disfigured with scales and crusts. My ears looked as if they had been most cut off with a razor, and my neck was perfectly raw. I suffered untold agony and pain. I tried two doctors who said I had eczema in its fullest stage, and that it could not be cured. I then tried other rem edies to no avail. At. last, I tried a set of the genuine Cutlcura Remedies, which cured me of eczema when all else had failed, therefore I cannot praise them too highly. "I suffered with eczema about ten months, but am now entirely cured, and I believe Cuticura Remedies are the best skin cure there is.” (Signed) Miss Mattie J. Shaffer, R. F. D. 1, Box 8, Dancy, Miss., Oct. 27, 1910. “I had suffered from eczema about four years when boils began to break out on different parts of my body. It started with a fine red rash. My back was affected first, when it also spread over my face. The Itching was slmost unbearable at times. I tried different soaps and salves, but nothing seemed to help me until I began to use the Cutlcura Soap and Ointment. One box of them cured me entirely. I recommended them to my sister for her baby who was troubled with tooth eczema, and they completely cured her baby.” (Signed) Mrs. F. L. Marber ger, Drehersville, Pa., Sept. 6, 1910. Although Cuticura Soap and Oint ment are sold everywhere, a sample of each, with 32-pagc book, will be mailed free on application to 4 Cut!* cura,” Dept. 4 L, Boston. THERE ARE OTHERS. Caller —I thought you said your baby could talk. Young Mother —So he can, but I’m the only one who can understand him. “Boy Scout” Movement Spreads. The “boy scouts” movement has reached the Malay peninsula, and Singapore is to have a fine organiza tion under the patronage of the gov ernor and chief justice. It is a good thing in many ways, aside from the military training, and bids fair to become one of the permanent and most popular institutions of the penin sula. All through the British colonies “boy scout” organizations are being formed. FALSE HUNGER A Symptom of Stomach Trouble Cor> rected by Good Food. There Is, with some forms of stom ach trouble, an abnormal craving for food which is frequently mistaken for a “good appetite.” A lady teacher writes from Carthage, Mo., to ex plain how with good food she dealt with this sort of hurtful hunger. “I have taught school for fifteen years, and up to nine years ago had good, average health. Nine years ago, however, my health began to fail, and continued to grow worse steadily, in spite of doctor’s prescriptions, and everything I could do. During all this time my appetite continued good, only the more I ate the more 1 wanted to eat —I was always hungry. “The first symptoms of my break down were a distressing nervousness and a loss of flesh. The nervousness grew so bad that finally it amounted to actual prostration. Then came stom ach troubles, which were very painful, constipation -which brought on piles, dyspepsia and severe nervous head aches. “The doctors seemed powerless to help me, said I was overworked, and at last urged me to give up teach ing, if I wished to save my life. “But this I could not .do. I kept on at it as well as I could, each day grow ing more wretched, my will-power alone keeping me up, till at last a good angel suggested that I try a diet of Grape-Nuts food, and from that day to this I have found It delicious always appetizing and satisfying. “I owe my restoration to health to Grape-Nuts. My weight has returned and for more than two years I have been free from the nervousness, con stipation, piles, headaches, and all the ailments that used to punish me so, and have been able to work freely and easily.” Name given by Postum Cos., Battle Creek, Mich. Read the little book, “The Road to Wellvllle," in pkgs. “There’s a Reason.” Ever read the above letter? Anew one appears from time to time. They •re ffenalae, true, and full of bnmaa Interest.