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B STJTfF, TOTT A T?.F1 RIGHT; TELE3ST GO AHEAD.-D. Crockett. . ; ' . VOL. 54. . TARBORO', N. C.FKTOAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1876. $Q. 5. GENERAL DIRECTORY. TARBOKO'. Matob Fred. Philips. Commissioners Jesse A.AVilliamson, Ja cob Feldenheimer, Daniel W. Hurtt, Alex. McCabe, Joseph Cobb. Secretary & Tbkasurer Kobt. White hurst. Chief o? Police John W. Cotten. Assistant Police Win. T. Hurtt, John Madra, Jas. E. Simonsou, Altiuiore Mucuair. COUNTY. Superior Court Clerk and Probate Judge H. L. Staton, Jr. Register of Deed Alex. McCabe. Sheriff Joseph, Ccbb. Coroner Treasurer Kobt. n. Austin. Surveyor John E. Baker. Standard Keeper P. S. Hicks. School Examiners II. II. Shaw, Wm. A. Dasrean and R. S. Williams. Keeper Poor House Wm. A. Dugsan. Commissioners Jno. Lancaster, Chairman, Wiley Well, J. B. W. Norville, Frank Dew, M. Exem. A. McCabe, Clerk. MAILS. ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OF MAILS NORTH AND SOUTH VIA W. & W. R. R. Leave Tarboro" (daily) at 10 A. M. Arrive at Tarboro' (daily) at - - 3 30 P. M. WASHINGTON MAIL VIA GREENVILLE. FALKLAND AND SPARTA. Leave Tarboro' (daily) at - - 6 A.M. Arrive at Tarboro' (daily) at - - 6 P.M. LOOUES. riie XiffUUand the Places of meeting. Concord R. A. Chapter No. 5, N. M. Law rence, High Priest, Masonic Hall, monthly convocations first Thursday in every month at 10 o'clock A. M. Concord Lodge No. 58, Thomas Gatlin, Master, Masonic Hall, meets first Friday night 7 o'clock P. M. and third Saturday at 10 o'clock A. M. in every montb. Repiton Encampment No. 13, I. O. O. F., I. B. Palamountain, Chief Patriarch, Odd Fel lows' Hall, meets every first and third Thurs day of each month. Edgecombe Lodge No. 50, I. O. O. F., J. G. Charles, N. G., Odd Fellows' Hall, meets every Tuesday night. Edgecombe Council No. 132, Friends of Temperance, meet every Friday night at the Odd Fellows' Hall. Advance Lodge No. 28, I. O. G. T., meets every Wednesday night at Odd Fellows' Hall Zanoah Lodge, No. 235, I. O. B. B., meet on first and third Monday night of every month at Odd Fellow' Hall. Henbt JIokris. President. CHURCHES. Episcopal Church Services every Sunday at 10 1-2 o'clock A. M. and 5 P. M. Dr. J. B. Cheshire, Rector. Methodist Church Services every third Sunday at night. Fourth Sunday, morning and night. Rev. Mr. Swindell, Pastor. Presbiterian Church Services every 1st, 3rd and 5th Sabbaths. Rev. T. J. Allisou, Pastor Weekly Prayer meeting, Thurs day night Missionary Baptist Church Services the 4th Sunday in every mOLth, morning and nieht. Rev. T. R. Owen, Pastor. Primitive Baptist Church Services first Saturday and Sunday of each month at 11 o'clock. HOTELS. Adams' Hotel, corner Main and Pitt Sts. O. F. Adams, Proprietor. EXPRESS. Southern Express Office, on Main Street, closes every morning at9 o'clock. N. M. Lawbesce, Agent. PROFESSIONAL. CARDS. YY7ALTEE P. WILLIAMSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, TARBORO', N. C. Will practice in the Courts of the 2nd Judicial District Collections made in any part of the tate. 137" Office in Iron Front Building, Pit Street, rear of A. Whitlock & Co's. Jan. 7, 187G. tf -pKANK POWELL, Attorney and Counselor at Law, TARS0R0', JV. C. j- Collections a Specialty. " Office at the residence of the late Mrs. M. E; Lawrence. July 2, 1875. tf J OS. BLOUNT CHESHIRE, JR., ATTORNEY AT LAW, AND NOTARY PUBLIC. Office at the Old Bank Building on Trade Street. je25-tf. pjOWARD & PERRY, Attorneys and Counselors at Law. TARBORO', N. C. tST Practice in all the Courts, State and Federal. nov.o-ly. yjy H. JOHNSTON, Attorney and Counselor at Law, TARBORO', N. C. XW Attends to the transaction of busi ness in all the Courts, State and Federal. Nov. 5, 1&75. ly JpREDERICK PHILIPS, Attorney and Counselor at Law, TARBORO', N. C. X3T Practices in Courts of adjoining coun ties, in the Federal and Supreme Courts. Nov. 5, 1875. ly J H. & W. L. THORP, Attorneys and Counselors at Law, ROCKY MOUNT, N. C. PRACTICES in the counties of Edge combe, Halifax, Nash and Wilson, and in the Sapreme Court North Carolina, also in the United States District Court at Raleigh. Dr. G. L. Shackelford, DENTIST, TARB0B0', H. C. With over eisrht vears experience in the practice of Dentistry, I feel assured of giving satisfaction in an cases. Charges moaeraie. tT Office opposite Adams' Hotel and over 8. H. JNaah & Co 8 store. Oct. 23, 1875. tf Louis Billiard, Greenville, N. C. Marcbllus Moore Formerly of N. C. HILLIARD & MOORE, COTTON FACTORS AND General Commission Merchants McPHAIL'S WHARF, NORFOLK, VA. Keep contantly on band a large and varied stock of liagging and lies. General dealers in Standard Fertilizers. Liberal Cash advances made on consign' taenia. je 26-tf. ADVERTISEMENTS. DOMESTIC SEWINC MACHINES. Literal Terms of Ex change for Second-hand Machines of every des eription. DOMESTIC" PAPER FASHIONS. ThBeetPatternginade. Send A cts. for Catalogue. AidreES DOMESTIC SEwTNS MACHINE CO, W Am -TS Washed. "Ca NEW YORK. C?"10a day at home. Agents wanted. pl Outfit and terms free. TRUE & CO-, Augusta, Maine. "fjSYCHOMANCY, OR SOUL CHARM Jl ING." How either sex may fascinate and gain the love and affections of uny per son they choose, instantly. This art all can possess, free, by mail, for 25 cents; together with a Marriage Guide, Egyptian Oracle, Dreams, Hints to Ladies, etc. 1,000,000 s:dd A queer book. Address.T. WILLIAM & CO., Pob' Philadelphia. $3 to$20STf&f home. Sam mles CO., les worth IN'SON & Port- land, Maine. AGENTS, the greatest chance of ihe age. Address, with stamp, National Copying Co., Atlanta, Ga. A WEEK guaranteed to Agents, J I I Male and Female in their own local w ity. Terms OUTFIT FREE. Ad dress P. O. VICKERY & CO., Agusta, Me EMPLOYMENT. Male & female, sa'ary or commission we pay AgenU a salary of $30 a week and expenses tuutKi M'f'o Co., Hartford, Conn. Par.iculars free. ASTONISHING. "You forty days, and Xinecah shall be over thrown." Future events propheded by rules in Ban ner's Prophetic Book. Fortunes foretold in the ups and downs of prices for the next tweney years; the future judged by the past. What years to make money ou pigiron, hogs, corn, provisions, cotton, and when we will have the next panic, what year hard times will end and business revive again. Every farmer, manufacturer, legitimate trader and speculator should have this book to know the iuture, so aato avoid loss and be success ful. Sent to any name, post paid, for 1. Address SAMUEL BENNER, Bainbridge, Ross County, O. FOR 1876. APPLETON' J om?rial, A Household Weekly Magazine DEVOTED TO POPULAR LITERATURE. AND ALL MATTERS OF TASTE AND CTLTURE. Appletoss' Journal appears in new type and with other mechanical improvements, making it the handsomest weekly literary journal in the country. Appektons' Jour nal aims to be comprehensive, including hi its plan all branches of literature, and treat ing all subjects of interest to intelligent readers; it designs to be elevated in taste and pure in tone; it gives in quantity fully twenty five per cent, more than the largest of the largest of the Monthly Magazines, while in quality its its literature is of the highest class. Price. $4 per Annum: 10 cents per Number SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. The undersigned have procured, exclusive ly for subscribers to Appletons' Journal, a splendid steel engraving of "Charles Dickens in his Study." which is offered, under special terms, to every subscriber in advence to Journal for 1876. This steel engraving is in line and stippie. It is not a fancy picture, but an actual rep resentation of Charles Dickens's study at Gadshill, while the portrait of the distinguish ed author is atrikingly faithful. The size of the plate is Z0 x 14, printed on heavy plate paper 84 x 30, making a large and handsome engraving for the parlor or library wall. The execution of the plate is of a superior order. The ordinary price ot a steel engraving of this character in the print-shops would not be less than Jive and perhaps six dollars It is offered exclusively to subscribers, in addition to the Journal for one year, for $ 5.00 that is, for $1.00 additional, each yearly advance subscriber to the Journal for l7o may receive a suberp engraving worth fully five times the amount. Tbis engraving is entirely new. It has never been for sale in the print-shsps, and cannot be obtained except in connection with Appleton's Journal upon the terms and con dition given above. It will be mailed to subscribers postage prepaid. D- APPLETON & CO., 549 & 551 Broadway, New York. E. T. POOL. C A. POOL. W. K. POOL Pool Brothers FASHIONABLE BAR, ISilliarrf Rooms, OYSTER SALOON, Barber Shop AND Cigar Store, ROCKY MOUNT, N. C. OYSTERS STEWED AT ALL HOURS, frest and sweet. Attentive waiters to attend to the needs of his guests. mrl9-tf. WEBER'S BAKERY ! THIS OLD ESTABLISHED rsAKJiKi IS L now ready to supply the people of Tar boro and vicinity with all kinds ot Bread, Cakes, French and Plain, Candies, Nuts, Fruits, $c, $c, embracing every thing usually kept in a First Class Establishment of the kind. Thankful for the liberal patronage of the past the undersigned asks a continuation, with the promise of satisfaction. Private Families can nlwayi have tbeir Cakes Baked bere at short est notice. Orders for Parties & Bails promptly filled. Call and examine our stock, nrxt door to Bank of New Hanover. Nov. 4.1y. JACOB WEBER. TERRELL & BRO., DEALERS IN GROCERIES AND STAPLE DRY GOODS Slain Street, Near the flridge, TarDoro, INT- O. Sept. 30-it 4fn69A Per Day at home. Terms free. 19 III Vv Address Q. 8iuo 4 Co., Portland Maine. NEW ADVERTISEMENTS. RATHBONE'S ACORN COOK. Wttk or without Portable Hot Water Reservoir and Closet. - to'i toy la oU-iMilaa Iter tat i - ;s. "With all latest improvements. Largest Oven and Flues. Longest Fin 6ox for long woa4 Ventilated Oven, Fire Back and Fire Box Bottom-to. tures a Quick, Sweet and Even Bake and font Swing Hearth and Ash Catch. Won't soil floor or carpet. Durable Double and Braced Centers and Ring . Covers. Bums but little wood. Has Mica or Solid Iron Front Carefully Fitted Smooth Castings. No Old Scrap Iron. Nickel Plated Trimmings. Tin Lined Oven Doors. Ground and Sliver-like Polished Edges and Mouldings. Heavy. Best New Iron: Won't crack. WABSAHTSD SATIS? ACI0B7. Manufactured by RATHBONE, SARD & CO., Albany, N.Y. Sold by an Enterprising Dealer in every Tow W. G. LEWIS, Agent, Nov. 12, lS;5.-3m. Tarboro', N. C. FALL STOCK. NEW GOODS JIST RECEIVED. Dress Goods, Embroideries, Collars and Cuffs, Kid Gloves, Merina Test and Shirts, Hats, Hosiery, Cassimeres, Jeans, Bleached and Brown Muslins, Ladies and Gents Boston and Phil adelphia. -Hand Made Shoes, Crockery, Hard ware &c, &c. Cull and Examine. jggj A. pleasure to show Goods. T. H. GATLIN. Tarboro', Oct. 1st, 1875. R0ET. LAWS0X & CO., SADDLE, HARNESS, ffpgjlf COLLAR, and TRUNK MANUFACTURERS and dealers in SADDLERY HARDWARE, WHIPS, LADLES' SATCHELS, CARRI AGE ROBES, &C. No. 377 West Baltimore Street, BALTIMORE, JIB. April 2, 1S75. ly BLATCHLET'S Improved CUCUM BER WOOD PUMP is the acknowledged STANDARD of the market, by popular verdict, the best pump for the least money. Attention is invited to Blatchley's Improved Bracket, the Drop Check Valve, which can be withdrawn without disturbing the joints, and the copper chamber which never cracks, scales or rusts and will last a life time. For sale by Dealers aad the tfade generally. In order to be sure that you get Botchiey's Pump, be careful and see that it has my trade-mark as above. If you do not know where to buy, descriptive circulars, together with the name and ad dress of the agent nearest you, will be promptly furnished by addressing with stamp. CHAS. G. BLATCIILEY, Manufacturer, 506 Commerce St.. Philadelphia, Pa Feb. 12, 1875. 9m The Best Household Oil in the World ! C. West & Sons' Aladdin Secu rity Oil. Warranted 150 Degrees Fire Test- Endorsed by the Fire Insurance Companies. Howard Fire Ins. Co. of Baltimore, December 23, 1874. Messrs. C. West & Sons : Gentlemen Hav ne used the various oils sold in this city for lluminating purposes, I take pleasure in re commending your "Aladdin Security" as the safest and best ever used in our house hold. Yours truly, (Signed) ANDREW REESE, Pres't VsT IT WILL NOT EXPLODE. Ask your Storekeeper for it. Wholesale Depot : C. WEST & SONS, 113, 115 W. Lombard St., Baltimore. Sept. 17. 6m Rocky Mount Hotel, G. W. Hammond, Prop'r. TfcOLITE AND ATTENTIVE SERVANTS Jl always at the Depot, on the arrival of trains, to conduct guests to the Hotel. It is the Traveler's delight. Oct. 1st, 1815. tf TARBORO' Lager Beer & Wine KEEPS CONSTANTLY ON HAND ALL the Fine WINES and LIQUORS, TO BACCO and CIGARS, next door to J. A' Williamson's. ERHARD DEMUTH, Oct. 8, 18Z5.-tf. Proprietors, 1 luthoxo' Bontlittntt. Friday, Feb. 4, 1376 THE RUNAWAY MATCH. Many years since, there dweU in the tewn of P , a pretty village distant some twenty miles from the market town, a peculiarly comely and graceful maiden, who had a peculiarly ugly and cross-grained, but wealthy father. Minnie was Danfnrth's only child, and report said she would be his sole legatee. The old man was a sturdy farmer, and was estimated to be worth fall ten thousand dol larsat that period a very hand some fortune, to be sure. The sparkling eyes and winning ways of Minnie Danforth had stir red up the liner teelings ot the whole male portion of the village and her suitors were numerous; but her father was particular, and none succeeded in making headway wilh him or her. in the meantime Minnie had a true and loyal lover in secret. 27b name was TFalker Joe J 02 Walker, and he was simply a farmer, employed by old Danforth, who had entrusted Joe with the management of his place for two or three year3. But a very excellent farmer aad good manager was the plain, un assuming, but good-leoking Joe. Walker. 7ie was only twanty three, and he actually fell in love with the beautiful, pleasant, joyous Minnie Danforth, his old employer's only daHjhter. But the strangest part of the occurrence was that Minnie returned his love earnestly, truly and frankly, and promised t wed him at a favorable time. Things went on merrily for a time, but old Danforth discovered certain glances and attentions be tween them which excited his envy and suspicion. Very soon after wards Joe leerncd the old man's mind indirectly, in regard to his future disposal of Minnie's hand, and he quickly saw that his case was a hopeless one, unless he re sorted to stratagem; and so he set his wits at encoto work. By agreement, and apparently settled coldness was observed by the lovers towards each other for five or six months, and the father saw, as he thought, with satisfac tion, that hig previous supicions and fears had been all premature. Then, by agreement also between them, Joe absented himself from the house at evening; and night after night, for full three months, did Joe disappear as soon as his work was finished, to return home only at late bed-time. This was unusual, and old Danforth determ ined to know the cause of it. Joe frankly confessed that he was in love with a man's daughter, who resided less than three railcs distant; but, after a faithful attach ment between them tor several months, the old man had utterly refused to entertain his application for the young Jady s hand. This was capital. Just what old Danforth most desired. This satis fied him that he had made a mistake in regard to his own child; and he would help Joe to get married and thus stop all further suspicions or trouble at home. So he said : 'Well, Joe, is she a buxom lass?' Yes yes,' said Joe. 'That is, other folks say so. I'm not much of a judge.' 'And you like her: 'Yes, sir yes.' Then marry her,' said old Dan forth. 'I can't the father objects ' 'Pooh !' continued Danforth, 'let him do so, what need you care ? Run away with her.' 'Elope V 'Yes ! Off with you at once ! If the gal will join you all right. Marry her and bring her here; yeu shall have the cottage at the foot of the lane. I ll furnish it tor you; your wages shall be increased, and the old man may like it or not, as he will !' 'But' 'But me no buts, Jee. Do as I bid you; go about it at once, and ' 'Yeu will stand by me t 'Yes, to the last. I know you, Joe You're a good fellow, a good workman and will make an body a good son or husband.' 'The old tellow will be so mad though.' 'Who cares, I say? Go on quickly but quietly.' 'To-morrew night, then,' said Joe. 'Yes,' said Danforth. 'I'll hire Clover's house ' 'No you shan't.' 'No?' 'I say no. Take my horse the best one young Morgan; he'll take you off in fine style, in the new phaeton.' Exactly.' 'As soon as you're spliced, come riht back here, and a lolly time O ' v v we'll have of it at the old house.' 'Bah ! He's an old fool, who ever he is; don't know your good qualities, Joe, as well as 1 do Don't be afraid : a faint heart, you know never won -fair lady. 'The old man will be astounded.' 'Never mind, go on. We'll turn the laugh on him. I'll take care of you and your wife, at any rate. ' 2'11 do it,' replied Joe. 'You shall,' said Danforth; and they parted in the be3t of spirits. An hour after dark, on the following evening, Joe made his appearance, decked in a new black suit, and really looking very comely. The old man bustled out to the barn with, hiaj, helping to harness 'Young Morgan' to the new phaeton, and leading the spunky animal him self to the road, away went the happy Joe Walker in search of his bride. 1 few rods distant , frem th hoos he found her, as per previous arrangement, and repair ing to the next village, the parson very quickly made them one in holy wedlock. Joe. took the bride and soon dashed back to the town of P , and halted at old Danforth's house, who was already looking for him, and who received him with open arms. 'Is it done?' cried the old man. 'Yes yes !' answered Joe. 'Bring her in, bring her,' con tinued the old fellow, in his glee; never mind compliments; no mat ter about the dark entry; hero, here, Joe, to the right, in the parlor, we'll have a jolly time now,' and the anxious farmer pushed away for lights, returning almost immediate ly. 'Yes, yes ' 'And this is my wife,' he added, as he passed up the beautiful bride, the bewitching and lovely Minnie Danforth ! 'What !' roared the father, 'Joe, you villain you scamp, you auda cious cheat, you you you ' 'It is true, sir, we are lawfully married. You advised me to this course, you assisted me, you plan ned the whole affair, you lent me your horse, you thought me, last evening, worthy of any man's child, you promised me the cottage at the foot of he lane, you ' 'I didn't! I deny it. You can't prove it, you're a a a ' 'Calmly now, sir,' continued Joe; and the entreats of the happy couple were at once united to quell the old man's ire, and to persuade him to acknowledge their union. The father relented at this. It was a job of his own manufacture, and he saw hew useless it weuld be finally to attempt to destroy it. He gave in reluctantly, and the fair Minnie Danforth was overjoyed to be duly acknowledged as Mr3. Joe Walker. The marriage proved a happy one, and the original assertion of old Danforth proved truthful in every respect. The cunning lover was a good son and a faithful hus band, and lived many years to en joy the happiness which followed upon this runaway match; while the old man never cared to hear much about the details of ihe elope ment, for he saw how completely he had overshot his mark I A Judge's Temperance Lecture. At Morris, Grundy county, Jlli noi3, three saloon keepers one woman and two men were arrested and indicted for selling liquor to minors. As usual in such cas t the liquor sellers were lavish f their funds in aid of their unfortu nate co-workers, and eminent coun sel was employed in defence of these destroyers of the bodies and souls of the young and rising gen eration. But the proof of their guilt was so fully demonstrated that the jury were compelled to find them guilty. Hon. J. N. Reading, the presiding Judge, in pronouncing the sentence of the Court, used the following language: "The jury having found you guil ty of selling intoxicating liquors to a minor, 't remains for the Court 10 pronounce the sentence of the law. Tha penalty of this oflfence fixed by the Legislature, indicates that it considered the crime to be of a serious character. By the law you may sell to men and women if they will buy. You have given your bond and paid your license to sell to them, and no one has the right to molest you in your legal business. No matter what the consequence may be, no matter what poverty and destitution are produced by your selling according to law, you have paid your money for this priv ilege, and you are licensed to pur sue your calling. Na matter what families are distracted and render ed miserable, no matter what wives are treated with violence, what children starve or mourn over the degradation of a parent, your busi ness is legalized and no one may interfere with you in it. No mat ter what mother may agonize over the loss of a son, or a sister blush for the shame of a brother, yoa have the right to disregard them all and pursue your legal calling ; you are licensed. ' "You may fit up your lawful place of business in the most en ticing and captivating form ; you may furnish it with the most ele- gant and costly equipments for your lawful trade ; yeu may fill it with alluremo nts and amuse ments ; you may use all your art to entice visitors ; you may skilfully arrange and expose to view your choice wines and most captivating beverages ; you may then induce thirst by all contrivances, to pro duce a raging appetite for drink ; and then you may allow boys al most children," to frequent your sa loon ; they may become witnesses of the apparent satisfaction with which their seniors quaff the spark ling glas ; you may be schooling and training them for the period of twenty-one, when they too can par ticipate, fer this is lawful. You may hold the cup to their very lips, but you must not let them drink that is unlawful. But, while you have all . these privileges fer the money which you pay, this poor privilege of selling to children . is denied you. Here parents have the right to say, 'Leave my son to me until the law $ives you the right to destroy him. Do not aniicipate that terrible mo ment when I can assert for him no further rights of protection. That will he soon enough for me, for his mother, for his sisters, for his friends and for the csmmunity to see him take his road to death. Give him to us in childhood at least. Let us have a few years of his young life, in which we may enjoy his innocence, to repay us in some degree for the care and the love we have lavished upon him.' This is something you who now stand a prisoner at the bar, have not paid for ; this is not embraced in your license. You have your 'bend' to use its full extent ; but in thus taking your 'pound of flesh,' you draw tne Diooa, ana tnat wnicn is nearest the heart. The law, in its wisdom does not permit this, and you must obey the Jaw. Punch's Prophesies for 1876. There will be a great many birds unaccompanied by any very large amount of rejoicing. There will be several deaths, which will not cause too extrava gant grief. A great many people will marry in haste, and proceed to enjoy the delightful sensation known as "re penting at leisure." A few will marry at leisure and repent in haste. Being leap year, more young people than usual of both sexes will be plunged into that state of semi-idiotic blis3 considered insep arable to an engagement. Many young ladies will be kiss ed under the misletoe, and will say they don't like it. Many young (old) ladies will say they don't liko being kissed under the mistletoe, and won't be. There will be several railway ac cidents. Many ships will come inte collis sion. Some explosions (domestic and otherwise) may be looked for. Lots of young men will have dif ficulties with their latch-keys at about 2 a. m. Other young men will announce their intention to give up business and go on the stage. More young men, will declare their determination to live on their pens. Various parents and guardians will view the above proceedings with marked displeasure. Several casualties (such as bro ken hearts, loss of false teeth, sep aration from chignons, etc.,) will occur on skating rinks. Captain Hawk will take a little Pidgeon to a first-rate place fer quiet game of billiards or ecarte. Much money win be lost over Derby. Several dramatic authors will be led to think of their future state by the reception awarded to their plays by a kind and discerning pubhe. There will be some changes of Governxcent in France. Things will be made unpleasant for the i irst Lord of the Admiral ty soon after the assembling of Par liament. There will be a panic on the Stock Exchange. There will be several sensationa trials, to report the details of which the daily press will exclude from their columns all literary, artistic, scientific and dramatic news There will be numerous comic songs produced. No mirth will be caused bv the above. A lot of people will write bad novels. A lot more people will be intense ly bored by reading the same. The farmers will grumble at the harvest. The butchers won't reduce the price of meat. Much tobacco will be consumed also cabbage leaves. Many people will send contribu tions to Punch, which will be re iected. Many people will therefore hate, abuse and loathe Punch for the remainder of their lives Last and best. Punch, the Good and the Great, will during the cause of 1876, appear exactly fifty-three times, to delight and gladden the nations. Subscribe to the Southerner. The prophets of evil who for years have been, predicting that the country newspapers were to be swallowed np by the gigantic mon opolies of the metropolis, have mis sed their mark. Never before was the country press so strong, so in fluential, so respectable, as to-day ; and never before was its success and prosperity so well assured. If the metropolitan press has had any in fluence in sharing the career of the country journals, it has been bene ficial rather than detrimental, in creating a thirst for news that the ormer could not supply. The man who takes a city political , or reli gious journal becomes much more eager for home news than he who does not read at all. He finds that oue dofis not answer for the other. He would as soan think of making his overcoat do duty as ha; and boots, as of seeking local intelli gence in a Ndw York daily. The hoae organ has a distinct mission of its own, which no other can sup ply ; and the more journalism ad vances, the stronger becomes its growth and the purer and better its influence. This good result is due in large measure to the advancing intelli gence of the editorial profession. It is not unusual to find in some small country towt a man of deci ded ability, who has learned work ing in the ranks of typos to weigh and guage public opinion, and to place the impress of his own clear brain upon public questions and events. We have read political arguments in rural newspapers that would do credit to the best-edited' city daily ; and we have learned, moreover, that such arguments have weight in their own community. where an intelligent and conscien tious editor is a prophet not with out honor. Much also is due to association of editorial minds, to the habit of frequently meeting and comparing notes and contributing a general stock of experiences for the benefit of each. This has ten ded to allay that spirit of rivalry used to exist, and tempted brother editors to castigate each other in their respective celumns, to the ut ter disgust of all decent sentiment. We are glad to note that the old practice of personal blackguardism has almost entirely passed away, and that brethren in the same field nave discovered that personal co operation is more profitable than personal rivalry. The town that can support one newspaper well has generally room for two, espec ially if of opposing political senti ments, and inclined to manly and intelligent controversy in the dis cussion of their differing opinions. Such papers are great popular edu cators, and the possession of one malces it desirable and even neces sary for the thoughtful reader to possess the other. How They Cured the Tutor He5 was the pink of perfection If the cream of human excellence was to be churned the butter would lump up in the shape of Prof. Por teous ryre, tutor, tie naa con tracted the bad habit of stealing up stairs, in his stocking feet, to see if the lights were out at ten. It is hard teaching old dogs new tricks, but boys sometimes succeed better with old professors. Tommy Tayre is a cadaverous youth, with a sul phur colored moustache, but the iron had entered his soul and he said he must do what he could. So he bought three papers of carpet tacks one night, and stood the innocent little nails on their heads all the way up and down the stairs, and retired with his faithful followers to the wood closet above, to await results. Promptly the chapel bell struck ten, then a season of wait ing and whispering followed. Pres ently came a furry, creeping sound like woolen stockings fceimg their way over rough boards. Tommy tucked his hat in his mouth his mouth runs clear around, except small isthmus which connects the top of his head with the nape of his neck and held his nose till the first burst of glee had subsided. Now came a suppressed scream, one foot on the stairs: then another foot down : then a scream that was not suppressed; then a howl; he had struck the second stair ; then he set down on the next step, but he got up again, and a groan, with exclamation points alter it, came tearing up to the wood closet. The boys stood back to give Tommy room to kick : then came a scrab bling and shouting of heavy words, and a distinct mention of the name of the 'father of iniquity,' and Tom promptly appeared and asked, in voice fresh from the valley of Nod, "What seems . to be the matter i "Matter 1" "The boys;" "the demons ;" " confound it; see here;' " help !" and ho shifted about and hung to the railing, and tried to stand on his knees. Tom brought a light and the boys carried the wounded man to his room, offered sympathy ; got a claw-hammer and drew out the tacks. The professor wears slippers and sits on a cush ion. Tom sits on nettles, for sev enteen boys knew the secret, and it is spreading like small-pox in an Indian camp. JLfetroit Free Press, Her Cat. 'Emeline Arnold, did you strike your husband with a poker?' asked the court ot a square-shouldered woman without any bustle on. And what did he do: she squeak ed. The poker question takes the preference, Mrs. Arnold. Did you play poker on his head ? 'You don t know what I have to stand from him ! Answer my question, Mrs. Arnold, immediately. J f you knew that man as I do Judge. I had thirty-six dollars when we were married five years ago, and he has run threugh with every cent ef it. The poker the poker I 'Well, I did hit him, she replied, finding hereself cornered at last. But what did he do answer me that? Well, sir, he kicked a cat that has been in our family for three' years or more. Is Mr. Arnold here, asked the urt looking over the audience. Mr. Arnold, with his head bound up, nad been waiting to swear against his wife, but suddenly over taken with remkase he rushed out doors as the court called. Mrs. Arnold, you may ge home, said his Honor, and if you feel it your duty to strike your husband with a poker occasionally, I sup pose I can't help it. His First Duty. Jake saw an old aquaintance by the name of Amos on the street the other evening and accosted him. 'Why, Amos, whar you been so ong; I a n t seed you fur a long time?' 'Ise been down de country ur two weeks to my brudder's nouse.i Well, can t you come down to my house to-night ? I wants to hab a good talk wid you bout the p liter-kill sichrrwashun ! 'Id t be a mighty pleasure to do so, Jake, but yer see ele feller, dese here's hog killin' times, and meat's lying round regardless ef de per litical cond han ob affairs, of a nig ger den't lay in some dena pers wisuns, dese nights, he s gwme to smell the, graybeyard 'fore do next lection ! 'Den 1 11 skuse you till your meat's all in ! said Jake. Had to go Somewhere. Last Sunday the usher of one or tne Detroit churches was greatly surprised at the appearance of an old acquaintance, whose red flose and bleary eves had not been seen in church before for fifteen years. 'why, Fm, awful glad to sec you,' said the usher, as he held out his hand. They shook, and the usher con tinued : 'So you thought you'd come to church ?' 'Yes, I thought so,' replied the man as bo looked around. 'It s mighty lonesome now since they've closed the saloons on Sunday !' Detroit Free Press. A burglar on ascending a flight of stairs one night not long since out west, observed a light in a chamber, and while deliberating what to do a large woman suddenly descended upon hint, seized him by the throat, pushed him down through the hall and forced him in to the street before he had time to think. Her friends called upon her and congratulated her on her courage, when she exclaimed: 'Good gracious, I didn't know he was a burgular ! If I had, I should have been frightened to death. I thought it was my husband come home drunk, and I was determined that he shouldn't stay in the house in that condition. That Jewel. Detroit husbands and wives some times once in great many years have disputes. The ether day when a Beech street couple were holding angry argument the hus band raised his hands and exclaim ed: 'Oh ! Consistency, thou art a jewel I The wife at once broke dewn, and as she sobbed she gasped out; 'You saw her at the opera, 1 sup pose, but if she had to split wood, wash dishes and take care of six children she wouldn't look any bot ter'n I do hoo !' His Only Cali,. A policeman was yesterday escorting a citizena with hi head bound up to the Centr 1 Station when a kind-hearted man asked. Prisoner, what did you do ? Made a New Years call, was the answer. But how what why, I do not understand, said the citizen. I do, replied the prisinor I called a man a liar ? Some new obituary verses have been dis covered, as follows : "No more bis pa will candy by Unto bis darling boy ; He load aloft will praises sing, Expressive of his joy. "With little angels he will stay, His rattle spring with pride, And bless the day when far away, He laid him down." Why is a clock the most modest of created things ? Because it invariably keeps its hands before its face, and equally invariably runs down its own works.