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Mark twain's bird.
Humorist Makes a Confession About One of His Jokes. HAB NOT HAD TON HE EXPECTED Da Tries to Eaplnln at Certain Bn- fence In Ilia "A Doable Ilarrrlcil Detective Starr," tint the Ueopliavarua Mentioned Therein Btlll Soars ou H 111a gituia Old Mutlonleaa Wins. It Is n cruel thing when a man has to explain bis own Jokes. Mnrk Twain has Lad to do tills becnue bo mauy people have written to ask him what be tnenns by a certain sentence In bis "Double Bnrroled Detective Story." It iwns ouly n Joke, Mr. Clemens says, nonly u harmless, well lntentloned little Joke, but It has excited general suspi cion. Therefore Mr. Clemens has been moved to write n letter to the Snrlnc- ? field Republican, In which be snys: ! iiiii in vnnp piTiTiinD una nnunn rnn n question about the "esophagus," and I ' iWlsh to answer blm through you. This , In the hope tluit ihc answer will get i nround and save me some penmanship, 'for I have nlready replied to the stuie . i . i ijui'suuii mure man several uiaes nnu am not getting as much hollduy as 1 nili.lit In tin w I published a Btory lately, nnd It was In that that I put the esophagus. I vi int. tt.4ont.i1i .tint t .ivnnnttnl It in bother some people In fact, that was the intention but the harvest has been larger than I was calculating upon. The esophagus has gathered In the guilty and the Innocent alike, whereas I was only tlshlng for the Innocent the Innocent nnd confiding. I knew a few of those would write nnd nsk me; that would give me but little trouble, b'ut 1 was not expecting that the wine and learned would call upon me for succor. However, that has happened, and It Is time for me to speak up and top the Inquiries If 1 can. for letter gvrltlng Is not restful to mo, and I nm Jiot having so much fun out of this thing as I counted on. That you may "'understand the situation 1 will Insert a couple of sample Inquiries, the first from a public Instructor In the Philip pines: My Dear Sir I have Just been reading your latest ftory, entitled "A Double Bar reled Detective Story, In which occurs Jhls pagans;?: "Far In the empty sky a solitary esophngus slept upon motion- lens wine: everywhere brooded stillness. serenity and the peace of God." Now, there is ono word I do not understand namely, "eBopliaw'us." My only work of reference Is the Standard Dictionary, but that falls to explain the meaning. It you can tpure me lime, i wouiu ue giaa 10 have the meaning cleared up, as I consider the passage a very touching and beautiful on It may seem foolish to you. but con sider my lack of means away out In the northern part of Luzon. Yours 'very .truly. Do you notice? Nothing In the para graph disturbed him but that one word. Jilt shows that that pnrngraph was most iablv -constructed for the deception It Cvns Intended to put upon the 'reader. It was my Intention that It should read pinusiuiy, ami it is now plain that it does; It was my Intention that it should ;OP emotional and touching, nnd you see .'fruurseir that it fetched this public In structor. Alas, If I had but left that one treacherous word out I should have scored scored everywhere and the paragraph would have slldden through Vvery reader's sensibilities like oil and left not a suspicion behind! The other ample inquiry Is from a professor In a New England university. It contains one naughty word (which I cannot bear to suppress), but be Is not In the theo logical department, so It Is no harm: $Dear Mr. Clemens "Far In the empty sky a solitary esophagus slept upon mo V'onless wing." Jit Is not often I get a chance to read much current literature, but I have Just ,jTone through at this belated period, with much gratification and edification, your VA Double Barreled Detective Story," Hut what In hell Is an esophagus? I keep one myself, hut It never sleeps In the air or anywhere else. My profession Is to deal with words, and esophagus Interest ed, me the moment I lighted upon it. Hut, as a companion of my youth used to say, "I'll be eternally, co-eternally cussed" it I.cnn make It out. la It a Joke, or I an Ignoramus? fBetween you and mo I wns almost ashamed of havlug fooled that man, "iut for pride's sake I was not going to fAy so. I wrote and told him it was a 6ke, and that Is what I am now say ing to my SprlngQeld Inquirer. And I tojd him to carefully rend the whole paragraph, nnd he would find not a rest I go of sense In any detail of It rbls also I commend to my Springfield I'jDqulrer. I have confessed. I lira sor 'ry partially. I will not do so any nore for the present Don't ask me toy more questions. Let the esopha gus bavo a rest on bis same old mo tionless wing. V Comment by The Republican. 8 "A Double Ilarreltd Detective Story" la the most elaborate of burlesques on de tective fiction, with striking melodramatic pacsages. In which It Is difficult to detect the deception, so ably Is It done. As for the paragraph which has so admirably Illustrated the skill of Mr. Clemens' en semble and the carelessness of readers, here It Is: $ "It was a crisp and spicy morning In early October. Tho lilacs and laburnums, lit with the glory fires of autumn, hung burning and Hashing In the upper air, a hlry bridge provided by kind nature for (lie wingless wild things that have their homo in tho treetops and would visit to gether; the larch and the pomegranate flung their purple and yellow flames In brilliant broad splashes along the slant ing sweep of the woodland; the sensuous (ragrance of Innumerable deciduous flow trs rose upon the swooning atmosphere; tar In the empty sky a solitary, esophtgus llept upon motionless wing; everwhtre brooded str.iuss, serenity and tho peace f God." Nevr Grecian Hallway. Greece in to have a Plneus-Lnrlssa jallwny, which will be a line through tar rIMi lint Icnlnted nrovlnres and 'ylll connect with the continental sys em of railways nt the Turkish fron er. Hitherto Greece tins bud no rail pinraunlcntion with Europe. SECRETS At thft l'rlee of butTerinr. Woman on her way tofrml Invulldlim ctuied by pregnancy uffrrt much palrt and trrror. Icnurnnte rrompu hrr tuiuffer alone In tllnc, and remain In the dark at lu the true aiue mother hot). Mother Krlcnd takes thedoctor'e place at her (title, and ahu ha no came (or an Interview. Mie I her own doctor, and her modeity li protected. Dally application ever the region of the breat and abovetheatdrmeii. throuithoxit pref nancy, will enable her to unJerKO the period of gestation la a cheertul mood and teit undla turbed. Mothers Friend I a I.lnlmtnt, and (or riternal use only. It la odorlrsa ana will i.ot stain women's pretty finsers. It would Indeed te shameful If the sacrifice of mutiet-ty were necessary to the suc cessful Issue of lirallhy children. All women about to become mothers ne.d send only to a .Iru store and (or $1.00 secure the prlia child birth remedr- . . Sweet motherly anticipation and healthy babies ale the result of the use ol Mother's Our 'book "Motherhood" mailed fret.. All women should have It. THE BRADFIELD REGULATOR CO., Atlanta, Ga. W o m e n May liavo health and beauty by us nv Mmo. Yale's celebrated health nnd complexion articles. These oods have boon on the market for 23 years and took tho highest honors nt the Columbian Exposition. They ate by far the most celebrated goods on the market. Others may be cheaper hut there Is none to compare In merit. Isold exclusively In Ardmorn by MRS. MARY L. CARTER, Second door east Cumberland Pres byterian Church. 30 DAYS 30 pOR thirty days I will offer special inducements in Millinery If you want something in taste and style. visit my store. I am not selling at cost, but, in equal quality, will duplicate any prices in th'i city. mrs. Mclaughlin, West Main St. Economy vs. Quality There Is a point where cheapness ceases to bo economy. . Wliou you want renl quality and real economy go to o dentist who has had college training combined with skilled experience you get modern methods, painstaking and pain saving. Drs. WOOD, Dentists Houser & Nugent General Contractors and Builders Estfmiles Given on Any Kind of building ..AVe are at your service as.. House Raisers and House Movers All work entrusted to us done Promptly and Carefully We solicit your patronage. Leave your orders at Potterf & Bowman's ofllce, WALKER & USSERY HACK LINE Davis TO Sulphur. Meets all trains. Good accommodations and prompt service. Wire or telephone J. R. BLYTHE, Davis. Ind.Ter, Pattern Hats and the nobbiest Street Hats dren that have been shown, Hair Rolls. MRS. M. E. Peppo Fate Afri-Kola Ginger Ale Orange Phosphate Iron Brew Cherry Darn-y Ana Nervo a Ciders, all Kinds Manufactured by Ardmore Bottling Works Sockwcll & Bray, Props.. Ardmore, I. T. J the very best. Plan tation and camp supplies a specialty, A. F. JONES, West Main St., Ardmore, I. T. STAR MAIL ROUTE LINES. Ardmore to Tishomingo, Leave ArJraoro 8 :20 a.m. :20 p.m. 30 a.m. :30 p.m. 30 p.m. :00 p.m. :30 p.m. ;00 p.m. Arrive Provence- 10: " Durwood 11: " Earl 12; " Mannsvlllo 1: " Norton 3 " Ilavla G " Tishomingo 7 Leave dally except Sunday. Ardmore to Madlll. Lcavo Ardmoro 7: :30 a.m. 00 a.m. :30 p.m. Arrive Hoxbar 11 " Wilson 12 " McMillan 2 :30 p.m. " Tyler 3 30 p.m. " Weaverton 4 :45 p.m. " Oakland 5: " Madlll C: Leave dally except Sunday. 30 p.m. 00 p.m. Ardmore to Healdton. cave Ardmore 6:30 a. m. Arrive Lono Grove 8:30 a.m. " Hewitt 10:30 a.m. " Healdtoii 12:30 p.m. Lcavo dally except Sunday. Ardmore to Simon. Leave Ardmore 7:00a.m. Arrive Brock 9:00 a.m. " Cheek 10:00 a.m. " Simon 12:00 m. Leave dally except Sunday. Star Itouto malls close promptly on leaving time. Phono 142 for mis or baggage wagon. Meets all trains day and night. 11-lm LIGHT & THOMPSON. Notice of Sale. Notice Is hereby given that I will sell to tho highest bidder' for cash, at public auction, on the 4th day of June, 1002, a certain stock of general merchandise Invoicing $3,941.35; also two storo houses nil located In tho town of Hewitt, I. T., nnd known as the Ilussell Bros, stock of goods and storo houses. Also notes and ac counts, J2.1G3. J. F. BLEDSOE, Trustee. (First published May 10, 1902.) Notice. Harness cleaned, dressed and re paired; work looks as good as new. Guaranteed, and perfect satisfaction given. Buggy and carriage top dress ing a specialty. GEORGE It. NORIUS, On Caddo street, first door south of tho Kloskl house. 25-lm Necessity used to ho tho mother of Invention. Nowadays mon Invent things Just to see how fast they'll go. Safe, swift and sure. Is tha proper description of Cheatham's Laxative Tablets. Cures colds In a day. Can bo carried In vest pocket Easy to take. Guaranteed. Prlco 25 cents. Whether man was formerly a mon key or not, It certainly does not take blm long to make o monkey of him self these days. at Actual Cost for Ladies, Misses and Chil and also Hair Switches and SPURGEON Corn Oats Bran Hay A Specialty Genuine Comb Honey in Pound Frames AUR Groceries are Passenger Service TEXAS. 4 IMPORTANT GATEWAYS 4 TH "Ha XtM U unrar MfUtM." 2 FAST TRAINS DULY 2 r St. Louis, Chicago and the East.... XTBU rmjJUM YKflTTBULED BLEETEU ZinXOKE nw OIIIS Oil! Uti Tni. FASTEST TIME TO NEW ORLEANS (WPAM aOHSDULIs). oilt ijb itnnrao THionai ooion 1X9 tLXStSJM WTTHODT IMMBPAIIsaiLt PULLMAN aLIIPU AM TSUAIST CAR ftCMVICK TO CALIFORNIA, rtMUTTVILY NO OHxXSB. KnaHHg DVair Can (BmU Fim) iBj m ST. LtUIS, MEMPHIS EL FAS t ur Tlkl Axa, or vrlia K. P. mn, Ins. SMfSr IfsaL R,m,m i i. miswK. Lr.Tiim, aaalllT, taalhaalaatiassMas BtALLAaV. TBCX. TIMES TABLE OKLAHOMA OITV (World's Fair fsrecial) Leaves Oklahoma Olty 0:50 a m Arrives KanRns City 7:00 a m Arrives St. Louis 11:30 a in Arrives Memphis 0:00 p m St. Louis Express Leaves Oklahoma Olty 0:0 a m Arrives St. Louis 7:15 a m Meteor Leaves Kansas Olty 7:15 p m Arrives Oklahoma City 0:46 a ni Arkansas and Oklahoma Express Leaves St. Louis 10:00 p m Arrives Oklahoma City 0:15 p m Through cars and Pullman palace sleepers between Oklahoma City, Kansas City, St. Lonis and Memphis. Tor rates and other information call on nearest Frisco System aeent or address tho undersigned. B. F. DUNN, Division Passenger Ant, Wichita, Kansas. Foley's Honey and Tar cures colds, prevents pneumonia. PROFESSIONAL CARDS, J. P. THAYKH, Civil Engineer and Architect SUIIVEY8 AND PI.AT3 M.A.DK. Plans, estimates and Hreclflcntlnm furnished, Gorman Uulldlnir, Ardmore, I. T. LAWYERS. MOHAN SCOTT, Law And Real Estate iVrdmoro, Intl. Ter. nBKBURT OANNON, ATTORNKYB AT LAW. Offloa. Ilerbtrt Ltvls buliaina:. Aral more t.T LHDUUTTKIt & ULKDHOB, Attobnktb at Law. Offloa. In Ladbellar Ja Dladioa balldlai Halo slrsti. kl.L. Uarrtll. W, II, ninths GARRETT A BINGHAM, Attoiinkyb-at-Law, Do a oItII and criminal Drscllca. Otfloe In Wnerlrr bnlldlne. oddoiIIb aoiri house. Ardmore I.T JOSEPH P. MULLEN, ATTOIINICY AND COUNBELOU AT LAW CaisilKlL LlW A SriOULTT. (lenaral law Draoltoe In Ihe oonrla ol tha Indian Territory j U. B. supreme ooarl.Wasn ItiKlon; eonrt of olalms; oonrt of appeals, Klahlh Judlolal dtalrloli eieootlre depart meot. Uffloe. West Main strati, naar na oonrt bonit Ardmoro I.T. J. W. SMITH. IL D. MOORE. Phono 14. Phono 76. SMITH & MOORE. Physicians and Surgeon. Otllc In Gorman Block, over J. B. Wall's drug storo. Offlco telephone No. C, thrco rings. J.W.Shackleford. Mrs.J.W.Shackleford DRS. 8HACKLEFORD, Osteopathic Physicians. Wo treat both Acuto and Chronic Dis eases, but niako a specialty of chronic diseases and diseases of women. Phone 218. Office, 414 North Washington 8treet DR. J. F. 80N, Physician and Surgeon. Special Attention Given to Diseases of Women and Children. OfJlco in Gorman Building. Offlco Hours: 10 to 12 n. in., 2 to 4 p.m. Office Phono io. C. Residence Phono No. 132. I. W. FOLSOM, M. D. Does a General Practice. Special Attention to Obstetrics, Diseas es of Women nnd Children. 31 Years Bxpcrlence. Office over Honncr & Bonner's drutr store Office phone ISs residence 129. PHYSICIANS. Dr. F. P. vorj Keller, Oculist and Aorlst. Gpeolsl attention irlven to Hareerr and Dtteaaes ot the EYE, EAR, NOSE AND THROAT, Glasses Accurately Fitted. Office over Hornier &. Bonner's Drnir Store looms S and S. Ardmore, I. T. Phone! Residence 41. Office IS. Waller Hardr. Bos. Fbono SS. J. O. UoNeet lies. Pbona II HARDY A McKEES, PUYBICIANH AND HUltOKONB. Offloa boars: 10 to 11 a. m.. 2 to i p. m.. anr 8 to p. m.i Bandars, ID to II a. m. and t to p. m, Offloe Phone in. Office orer Bamser'i drnir store corner Mln ana oaaaa atresia DU. G. W. HENTnUSEN, VETERINAUV SUItOKON, Oall at Olty or Central Livery Stables, Ardmore, I. T. DENTISTS. DR. A. H, ADAMB, DKNT1BT. The Latoit Improyoment for Orowt and BrldRO Work. Local anesthetics admlnlslorad for Ibt painless extraction ol taetb. All work g-aaranteed. rtioos to sail lbs times, Offloe oror RandoPs store. Ardmoro. I.T W.n. Kstaa W. Las ENLOE & LEE, DENT18T8. All work enaranted. (lorraan balldlng, orer City National Bank. Telephone Mo. 23. Ardmore, Ind, Tor. Hotel Hampton paiYff- lOpposstta Depot Special attention to the traveling public. ., Newly renovated. Double sample room. .. Bath in connection, free to transient guests. Plates K2, Brldiro and aPsmrrvSV, Work 0rown" aD(1 xaa. Warning Order. United States of Aniorlcn. Rmitliprn District of Indian Territory: In Mayor's Court. Town of Dnnclmrtw J. 1J. Harrison vs. John Craig alias J. C. Bond: Tho defendant, John Craig alias J. C. Bond, Is warned to appear In this court within thirty dnyH and nnswer tho complaint of plaintiff, J. B. liar rlsou. April 23, 1902. JESSE BIRD, SEAL. Mayor. (First published April 30, 1902.) Administrator's Notice. Letters of ndmlnlBtratlon on tho es tate of Snrah L. Snnders, deceased, were granted to tho undorslgned, tint- of tho fifth day of Mny. 1902, by tho United StntoB court, for tho SciUhcm District of tho Indlnn Territory. All persons havini; claims against aid estate are required to exhibit them properly nuthentlcnted for allowance, to tho administrator, within ono year after the date of said lcttor, or they may ho precluded from any benefit In said estate; and If such claims bo not exhibited within two yonrH from tho date of said letters they shall bo for ever barred and precluded from nny benellt from said estate. JOSISl'H P. MULLEN, Admlnlstrattor of Sarah L. Sandors, Do ceased. Ardmore, Indian Territory, May 0, 1902. Plrst published, May 11, 1902. Notice to Contractors. Tlmo for opening bids for nil labor necessary In tho construction ot the . Oddfellows' homo at Chccotah, I. T., ; lms been extended from May 20 to June 4, 1902. I'laiiH and spuclllcatloiiH of tho homo enn bo seen nt tho of-- llces of N. fl. Turk. Checotnh, I. T.; G. II. Alo.ander grand secretary I. O- O. P., Muskogee. I. T.. nnd G. A. Mc Brlde, secretary bonrd of trustees, Wngonor, 1. T. Bids will ho recolved by N. G. Turk nnd opened nt Checo tnh, I. T., nt 3 p. 111., Juno 4, 1902. Tho right is reserved to roject nny nnd nil bids. G. W. MOWBRAY, Pres.; N. G. TURK, Trcas.; 0. A. MeBRIDIi, Sec; lC-12t Trustees. j Notice In Bankruptcy. In tho United Stntos court for tho Southern district of tho Indlnn Ter ritory, at Pauls Vnlley; In tho mnt ter of Johnson & Jnck, bankrupts: To the Hon. Hosca Townseml.i Judgo of tho United Stntcs court,. Southern district of the Indian TerrI- tory: Your petitioner, J. T. Johnson..' would rospectfully represent nnd-f stnte to the court that ho was n mom- her of tho firm of JohnBon & Jnck, a.' firm composed of himself nnd ono Tom Jnck, both formerly ot Ada, I. T.; -that on the 8th dny of July, 1901, tho snid firm of Johnson & Jack, nnd each momber thereof, was ndjiidgcuU bankrupts, under the act ot congress relntlng to bankruptcy; that snldi firm and each member thereof has surrendered all property belonging to-' them, or either of them, nnd havo fully compiled with nil tho require-, mcnts of said act nnd orders or tho court touching their bankruptcy. Wherefore, your petitioner, J. T. Johnson, prnys that the firm of John son & Jack, and he himself, may bo decreed by tho court to havo a full, dlschargo from all debts payable against snld firm nnd himself individ ually, nnd their cstntes, under tho said bankruptcy act, oxcopt such debts on aro excepted by law from Buch discharge. Dated this tho 30th day of- April, 1902. JOHNSON & JACK, J. T. JOHNSON, Bankrupts. In tho United States court -lor tho Southorn district of tho'Indlan Ter ritory, at Pauls Valley; In tho mat ter of Johnson & Juek, bankrupts, in bankruptcy; order of notice! On this, the Gth day of May, 1902, on reading of tho above and forego ing petition, It Is ordered by tho court that a hearing bo had upon the samo on tho Cth dny of June, 1902, at Ard more, boforo said court, in said dis trict, at 9 o'clock in tho forenoon, and that notice hereof bo published In tho Ardmorelte, a newspaper print ed In said district, and that all known creditors and other porsonB In Intorest may nppear nt said time and place and show cause, If any thoy have, why tho prayor of said petitioner should not he granted. And It Is further ordered by tho court that tho clerk shall send by mall to all known creditors copies of said petition and this on or, addressed to them at their places of rcsldcnco as stated. Witness tho Hon. Hosca Townsend, Judgo of said court, and tho seal thore of, at Ardmore, In said district, on this, tho 5th day of Mny 1902. HOSEA TOWNSEND, Judge. CHAS. M. CAMPBELL, Clerk. By J. T. FLEMING, Deputy Clerk. (First published May 15, 1902.)