WHEAT CROP NOT
OP TO EXPECTATION
Good Crop of Tobacco P«
dieted—Light Fall In
Fruit Continues
The following bulletin has been Issued
by the United Stales Climate and Crop
Bureau for this district:
The wheel harvest has been delayed by
repealed showers, and very little ndvan
tage could be made of the dry Intervals
on account of the sail being too soft for
the reapers lo run. In the southern and
southeastern counties, however, most of
«he crop has been saved, and some has
been threshed, with light yields of an in
ferlor quality of groin. In the northern
central counties the crop is not generally
up to expectations, though some good
i.'Ida are found scattered throughout the
enta, ' district. The lose by lodging has not
- been g. -»at in tuny district, but a short
straw, small head, rust, and imperfect
ripening all combine In a general way to
reduce the outlook in the main wheat rais
ing counties. Oats are generally very
poor in tbe southern counties of
Western Shore, and are a short crop In
prospect In the southeast, but In the west
ern upper counties the outlook continues
good, the fields continuing to grow nicely,
th.
coming Into head, and showing a good
length ot straw. Bartey has given fair
yields in Carroll county. Rye la being har
vested as the weather permits, with fair
to good returns. Buckwheat sowing con
tinues in Garrett county, where most of
the crop Is now In the ground. The weath
er has been too damp and cool for corn,
widen is growing slowly and is taking on
a bad color In the lowlands. Considerable
' complaint Is still made of ravages by
worms and birds. The early corn that had
been worked over before the steady rains
began is fairly clean and promising, but
the late corn Is small and grassy. Dry and
sunny weather Is badly needed for
the entire crop. Pastures have thrived
during the wet spell, and afford excellent
grazing In all localities. Hay harvest has
made Utile advance during the week, and
much of that which was cut 1s lying In
■the fields subject to damage from the fre
quent showers. The yields of timothy and
clover will undoubtedly be light In all dis
tricts, although In parts of the northern
and westerh counties the crop will be con
siderably kirger than expected earlier In
the season. The young growth of grass
that was sown in the wheat Is unusually
fine.
Tobacco Crop.
Rile entire tobacco crop is now In tbe
field. The stands are good everywhere,
and scarcely any complaint of worms has
been received. The crop needs working
badly, however, and would also be bene
fited by more warmth and sunshine than
have been received at any time since trans
iJantlng. The outlook on 1 the whole Is
favorable, nevertheless.
Light Fruit Fall.
A light fall In frutt continues In many
places, but most of'that left on the tröge
Is bolding much better than during the
early part of the month. Cherries have
given very light yields. Peaches and plums
. are generally short In prospects, wOille
pearj are somewhat more promising In
soma localities. As a rule apples promise
fair 'to good yields. Early apples and
peaches ore Just beginning to turn In color
in the southern counties.
Minor Crops.
Gardens show a rank growth In all parts
of the section, and continue badly choked
with weeds and grass. The early potato
crop Is being dug in the south and south
east. where poor to fair yields have been
obtained; generality throughout the interior
and western counties the patches promise
well. Sweet potato vines look well lr all
districts. Peas are being picked In Garrett
county, where a good crop 1» reported.
The wet weather favors good stands In
tomatoes, but the temperatures have been
too low for rapid growth, and the lack ot
sunshine has delayed ripening In the ear
lier fields; first pickings have begun, how
ever, In some of the southern and eastern
counties 'Uhls week, while transplanting for
a late crop continues generally throughout
the truck growing districts, although the
acreage will not be Increased to any great
extent from now on. Grapes have general
ly set well. Strawberries continue plentiful
in the extreme west, but the end ot «he
season is approaching even there. Dew
berries and blackberries are giving fair
yields in the south and southeast, but lh«
quality Is being Impaired by the wet and
cloudy weather.
At the time of the last Yale-Harvard
football game In New Haven, the near
ly thirty thousand people present so
filled the streets of the Elm City that
there were crowds everywhere.
The little daughter of the Rev. Mr.
Mudle had come to town with her moth
er. When she saw these great throngs
of people all mound her, she showed
her early religious training by
claimin'::
"What Is it. Mamma, Resurrection
Dar 7"
ex
Carl N. Grelg, while associated In
business with C. Arthur Pearson, the
London publisher, became more or less
of an expert on conundrums. Speaking
of them "tbe. other day. he said: "I
think the following is the worst one 1
ever heard, and 1 believe It to be the
worst ever perpetrated :
" 'Why is a young dog In a refriger
ator like a vertical line?"
" 'Because It Is pup-ln-de-coolér.'
"Now, don't you think the extreme
limit was reached when that was perpe
trated?" he asks.
The game of billards has grown in popu
larity of late with the fair «ex. According
to Shakespeare Cleopaitra played billard«
with her favorite, Charmlon. In the year
30 B. C. At present, the best women play
ers are the French, wlho frequeivt profes
sional games and eagerly follow the bil
liard news of the day. Patti Is fond ot the
game and had a table made In 'this coun
try 10 take to her Welsh castle, for which
she paid 12.500. Among American billiard
player« of repute are Mrs. George Gould,
Mrs. Edwin Gould, Mrs. Almeric Paget,
Mrs. Burkc-Roche and LtlUan Russell. HH
Hards are said to afford excellent exerclub.
Butter moulded Into miniature bee
hives or tiny Icebergs nnd placed on
crystal dishes make an attractive
breakfast table adornment.
Jf
Woodward
& Bro
«
Will Be
1
Open
Tonight.
Closed tomorrow
all day.
NEWS OF CITY CHURCHES
Episcopal.
Calvary Episcopal Church, Third and
Washington streets.the Rev. W. M. Jef
ferls.D. D., rector. ».SO 1 . Sunday school
10.30 a. m., sermon and holy com
munion. 7 p. m.. twilight service.
Miscellaneous.
First Church of Christ, Scientist, No.
917 Gilpin avenue. Sunday morning
service at 11 o'clock. subject:
"Life." 10 a. m.. Sunday
school. Wednesday night meeting at 8
o'clock. Free reading room In Ford
Building. Open every week day from
9 o'clock to 1 o'clock and from 3
o'clock to 6 o'clock, also on Monday
evening from 7.30 to 9.80.
St. John's Church. Market street and
the Rev. George C.
the Rev. W. B.
Concord avenue,
Hall, D. D., rector:
Beach, assistant. 9.45 a. m., Sunday
school. II a. in., holy communion and
7.30 p. m., evening prayer
sermon,
and sermon.
Ninth
Friends' Meeting, Orthodox,
and Tatnall streets. Meetings for Di
vine worship at 10 a. m. on the First
and at II a. in. on \he Fifth day of
the week.
A cordial invitation Is ex
tended to the public. •
The Christian and Missionary Alli
ance, Alliance Hall, No. 810 Adams
street. Services: Sunday school at 2.15
p. m. Preaching at 3.30 p. m. Praise
and testimony meeting at 7.30 p. m.
Pastor, G. Verner Brown.
Presbyterian.
Olivet Presbyterian Church, Fourth
and Broome streets, the Rev. R. A. EI
wood, pastor,
street.
drew and Philip. 10.45 a. m., Divine
worship and sermon by the Rev. E. B.
Gearhart, field secretary Stale Tem
perance Alliance. 2.30 p. m..
7 p. m.. open air evangelistic
Manse. 221 Broome
10 a. m.. Brotherhood of An
Bible
school.
meeting. Sermon by the pastor. Sub
ject: "True Patriotism." It Stormy. In
church at same hour.
West Presbyterian Church, corner of
Eighth and Washington streets, the
Rev. A. N. Kelgwln, D. D.> pastor. 10.30
a. m., sermon by the pastor. 2 p. m..
Sunday school. 7 p. in., union praise
service of Christian Endeavor and
congregation.
Hanover Presbyterian Church, King
and Sixth streets. Preaching service«
at 10.45 a. m., the Rev. William L.
Freund, pastor. No evening service
during July. Sunday school at 9.15 a.
m. Wednesday lecture at 8 p. rn., sub
ject: "The Acts of the Apostles."
Presbyterian
First United
Church. Third and Broome streets,
The
J. J. Huston, D. D..
Rev.
10.30 a. m.. sermon, subject:
2.30 p. m..
7 p. m., Christian En
8 p m.. sermon, sub
the
pastor.
"Value of a Good Name."
Sunday school,
deuvor service.
Jed; "The Man Christ Jesus as n Hid
ing Place, a Coveret, Rivers, a Great
Rock."
First Presbyterian Church, Market
street above Ninth, the Rev. Charles S.
Steven:«, minister. Communion service
at 10.30 a. m. Preaching at 7.30 p. in.
by the pastor. Sunday school at 12 in.
Y. P. s. C. E. at 6.45 p. m.
Methodist.
Haven M. E. Church. Third street
above DuPont, the Rev. K. II. Webb,
pastor. 9 a. m.. class,
preaching by, the pastor.
10,30 a. m..
2.30 p. m.,
Sunday school,
munion.
7.45 p. mholy com
St. Andrew's Church, Eighth and
Shipley streets, the Rev. H. W. Wells,
rector.
Morning «prayer, sermon and holy com
munion. U o'clock. Evening prayer
and sermon, 7.45 o'clock.
Holy communion at 8 a. m
Trinlty Church. Delaware avenue
anil Adams street, the Rev. H. Ashton
Henry, rector,
a. m. and 7.45 p. m.
2.30 p. in.
Services at 7.30 and 11
Sunday school at
St. Paul's A. U. M. P. Church. .A
the Rev.
Preaching at
street. South Wilmington.
George Brown, pastor.
10.30 a. m. by the Rev. Rector. Sunday
school at 2.30 p. m. Sunday school ex
erciaes at 7.30 p. in.
Friends' Meeting, Fourth and West
Meetings for Divine worship:
Fifth Day at
streets.
First Day at 11 a. in.
7.45 p. m. First Day School at 9.46
a. rn.
Old Swedes Church, Seventh and
Church stleets. the Rev. Martin B.
l'un lap, pastor. The holy communion
ot 7.3« a. in. itonUng service and
sermon at 10.JO o'clock. Evening ser
vlce and sermon at 7.30 o'clock. Sun
day school at 2.30 p. in.
St Paul's M. E. Church, Market street
above Seventh, the Rev. W. L. S. Mur
ray, pastor. 10. SO n. m. and 7.45 p.
in., sermons by pastor. 2 p. m., Sun
day school. 6.45 p. m.. T. P. S. O.
E.
"Christianity. Why Should One De
sire It?" will be the theme for the {mi
pit discourse at tent. Tenth and Van
Buren streets, at 7.45 o'clock tonight.
Gospel Tent. Tenth and VanBuren
streets. Services each evening at 7.45
sharp. Sunday: "The Millennium of
Rev. 20" will be considered. All are
invited.
Mrs. J. A. Fitch, the noted Gospel
singer, of Philadelphia, will be at Wes
ley M. E. Church, corner Jackson and
Linden streets, on Sunday. She will
sing at the morning, afternoon and
evening services. This church Is mak
ing rapid progress under the present
pastorate. New members are coming
In, and congregations are growing. The
church Is making an effort to pay off
Its debt this year.
Brandywine M. E. Church. Twenty
second and Market streets, the Rev.
Morning
the pastor at
George P. Jones, pastor,
sermon
by
10.30 o'clock. Subject: "Christianity
and Patriotism Contrasted." Preaching
at 6.30 p. m. Subject: "God's Method
of Development." The 6.30 meeting will
be the opening of twilight services for
the summer.
and Sunday school choirs
with the church choir In a service of
song at these meetings. Sunday school
at ».30 a. m. and 2 p. m.
The Epworth League
will unite
Sllverbrook M. K. Church, corner
I-ancaster and Woodlawn avenues, the
Rev. H. B. Thompson, pastor. Sunday
10.30 a. m., communion and
services:
reception of members. 2 p. m.. pa
triotic services In Sunday school. Ad
dress by the Rev. Dr. A. W. Llght
7 p. m, Kpworth League 7.45
bourn.
p. m., sermon by the Rev. Dr. Gear
heart, of Boston.
Music in Rodney Street Church.
In Rodney Street Presbyterian Church
next Sunday the following excellent musi
cal program will be rendered: Morning
Organ prelude. "Chorus of Angels," Scot
son: anthem, "Te Dcum ln B Flat," Baum
bach; offertory, duet, "Tarry With Me."
Nicolai, Miss Albemarle Vandersloot nnd
J. Frank Ayres. Evening—Organ prelude,
"Legende," Hasting«; anthem, "O Jesus
Thou Art Standing," Knecht; quartet,
"Now the Day Is Over." Sudds. Miss Van
deraloot. Mrs. Lewis, Messrs. Ayres and
Pro mlflt.
Patriotic Services at Silverbrook.
There will be patriotic service« In Sliver
brook M. E. Church on Sunday afternoon
at 2 o'clock. The Rev. A. W. I.lghtbourn,
of Epworth Church, will make an address
and there will be «pedal music.
HUMORS ABOUT POPE UNFOONOT
Pontiff Greatly Annoyed Over Stones
of His III Health.
Rome. July 3. — Telegrams from
abroad again started tbe rumor that
the Pope was 111. The report was
quite unfounded, no change having
occurred in the Pontiff's health since
hts recovery from the hemorrhoidal In
disposition which troubled him early
In June. The Pope certainly is not
what he was two years ago, but only
as regards bis strength, which has
notably diminished owing to his ad
vanced age and not on account of any
specific illness. All the doctors who
have examined him agree that If noth
ing unforeseen happens he will live at
least another five years.
Pope Leo Is growing daily more an
noyed over tbe false alarms regarding
his health. The other day when he
drove for the first time In the Vatican
gardens, he himself, contrary to cus
tom, ordered the fact to be published
in the official column of the Osserva
tore Romano, adding; "Tell the editor
to spread the news through the Italian
and foreign press, so that the whole
world will thank God that we are
well today."
Devastated By Grasshoppers.
Butte, Mont., July 3. — Professor
Cooley, of the State Agricultural Col
lege at Boseman, has returned from
an Investigation of the grasshopper
ridden district about Forsythe. He
says the Insects have devoured every
thing In a strip 70 miles long and GO
miles wide, and that as a consequence
of their raids range conditions are
very serious. He says the plains are
dotted with cattle that have starved
to death as a result of the grasshopper
raids.
Only Five Bodies Recovered.
Hanna, Wyo.. July 3.—Of the 231 men
Entombed by the mine explosion on
Tuesday the bodies ot only five have
been recovered, and all hope that any
Df the others are alive have been aban
doned. Fire and smoke are preventing
exploration of the lower workings am)
It Is feared that many, if not all, of
the bodies now In the mine will be
consumed.
Barred For Cheating.
Princeton, N. J., July 3.—Eight stu
dents who took the entrance examina
tions to Princeton University last
mouth have been permanently de
barred from admission on account of
rhcatlng in the examinations, and
word has been sent to this effect to
the schools where the offense oc
curred and to the parents of the offend
ers against Prim-ton's honor system.
GENERAL CASTILLO ACCUSED
Charge of Forgery and Perjury Againat
Cuban Political Leader.
Havana. July 8.—A big sensation has
been caused here by the preferring of
charges of forgery and perjury against
General Lqyr."^ del Castillo In connec
lon with the registry of a former Span
ish guerilla leader. Castillo is con
gressman for Camaguey and the lead
| n g opponent of the Palma adminls
trm \j on> He was a member of the
military committee for the revision of
the Cuban army rolls under General
, w
Gomez s chairmanship.
THE TATTLER
"The first lime 1 made a. Philadelphia (
trip for my firm l had a tunny ex
perience," said the furniture drummer
the lobby ot the Bingham House,
that city. "I was green then so fur
this market was concerned, and
didn't know Tom. Dick or Harry.
had to go hy was a list ot the trade
and explicit Instructions to sell the old
tashloned, wayback firm of B. .V Co., If
possible. They were as rich as Croesus,
but harder lo crack than uu Ivory nut,
so there was special emphasis on the
All
words 'If possible.'
"1 came down on the 7.25 and spread,
out my baggage as much as I could. In
1er lo keep the whole seat for myself,
If compelled to share It to give room
or
only to some one who looked congenial.
You fellows know how to work that
scheme. And If your companion hap
pens to be one of the fair sex you are
In luck, but X wasn't in luck that niorn
inft at least I didn't think so, fur my
nieglibor turned out to be a crabbed old
gent, who looked like a second edition of
Scrooge, the tight fisted partner of Mar
ley, In one of Dickens' tales.
"Well, this Scrooge apd 1 got to talk
ing together after a while, and 1 told
hlm 1 was going to make a record for
myself on that trip by selling a big bill
to U. it Co.
"'Do you think you will?" bo asked.
" 'Not on your life,' said I. B. It Co.
don't do enough buying to keep warm.
Seems to me they are dying ot dry rot.'
And then 1 got my hummer out and be
gun to knock. 'Why, look here; we've
got n line that everybody bought this
season, but not B. & Co. Ob. no, not
them! They don't know a good thing
when they see It. Jenks, the cod who
buys for them, ought to be In an old
ladies' home. He's a lobster for fair,
and crawls backward, like a crab.'
"Well, I raked Jenks fore and aft,
and when I got through pouring In the
hot shot the old gent asked quietly: 'la
that your candid opinion of this buyer?'
"'Lord, no!' said 'I've never seen the
old guy In my life. What I'm telling
you Is the opinion of my firm, and it
ought to know.'
"Then the train reached Philadel
phia, and as we got out at Broad street
I left my friend at the station.
"That afternoon, after a good dinner,
and feeling pretty nervy. I started with
my sample photographs for B. & Co.
The buyer's office Is In the rear, and
when I pushed open the door, Great
Scott! I thought I'd faint, for there,
seated at the desk was my railroad
friend—Jenks. the buyer.
"Did I feel cheap? Say, I don't really
know how I felt. My first Impulse was
to slam the door and escape, but
called lo me very kindly; 'Well, sir,
what can I do for you? 1 and then re
treat was out of the question.
"Would you believe It. he never
on that he knew me? Treated me like
a total stranger, and the apology that
was on my Ups I very wisely smothered.
Not a word did lie say about the meet
ing oh the train or what I had said
about him. But he ordered a good bill;
shook hands with me cordially: said
was glad 1 had called, and gave me
perfecto when 1 left him.
One Dollar a Week for Standard City Lots
A Splendid Chance to Own Your Own Home
Improved Lots in Heart of Wilmington's Residence
District for $100 and Upwards on Easy Payments
Easy Terms
$10.00 Down
Then
$1.00 Per Week
Building Lots
on Installments
at
Cash Prices
Do you wish to procure a borne? If so, here is your opportunity to begin. When you have your lot paid for it is
not hard to build a home. Even for an investment to save your money there is nothing equal to this method. These lots
are all in the city, with all the advantages of schools, churches, electric lights and cars, with fast improving city. Evety
thiug is being done that is calculated to increase the value of land. There never was a better or easier way to purchase
Building Lots. These lots are distributed all over the citj', on tbe following streets ;
Linden St. between Broom« and Rod- 7th and 8th and Bayard Ave.
Scott between 7th and 8th 8ts.
Franklin between Beech and Oak Sta.
Pyle St. between Rodman St. and
Woodlawn Ave.
Corner of Pyle and Rodman Sts.
27th, 33d and 34th and Washington Sts.
33d, 34th and Madison, Monro« and
Jefferson Sts.
R. R. Ave. near Lobdell St.
And other sections in and outside th*
city limits.
Ford, Gray, Cleveland Aves., between
2d and 6th Sts.
Corner of Porter and Maple St».
Ninth and Union Sts.
Harrison St. between Beech and Oak.
3d between Adame and Jackeon St*.
Select Your Lot
and Get Our Price
ney Sts.
3d and Lincoln Sts.
4th and Lincoln Sts.
3d and Rodman Ste,
13th and Grant Ave.
2d, 3d and 4th and Greenhill Ave.
2d between Greenhill and Cleveland Brown between Beech and Oak Stt.
27th and Waehington Sts.
Bd, 4th, 5th and 6th between Greenhill ; Maple St. between Broome and Clay
I ton Sts.
j Scott St. between 2d and 4th Ste.
3d and Hawley Sts.
4th and Hawley.
5th and Hawley.
6th and 7th and Hawley St*.
7th 8t. between Hawley and Rodman
Ave*.
and Cleveland Ave*.
Davit St. west of Dure St.
Sts.
If yon desire to look over this property call at our office and we will send our man with you to auy locality without
incurring any obligation on your part to buy. These are all standard city lots tanging iu size from 16 ft.xSO ft. upwards
aud priced from one hundred dollars upwards.
Condition«: These lots will be sold absolutely free from all incumbrances. Taxes aud sewer liens all paid (where
sewers are laid.) Title guaranteed.
Terms: Ten Dollars ($10.(X)) cash and One Dollar ($1.00) per week until the lot is paid for, when the deed will be
In case of death of the purchaser liefere lot is paid tor all money paid will be returned to his or her legal rep
delivered,
resentative, less $5.00 for deed of lot.
PE S ER J. FORD & CO
FORD BUILDING,
Tenth and Market
r
''You see, I had unconsciously held a
mirror up to him and he wasn't pleased
with the reflection and wanted to
square himself with the Arm. Funny,
wasn't III That's the only time I cun
remember ever entertaining an angel
unawares."
. -
Caplain Btgsbee tells of a conversa- !
tlon he once overheard between two
marine arguing as to who had
the least work to do on board a man
of-war.
"It's the Chaplain," said the first.
"How'd yc make that out?" asked the
secobd.
"Because he ain't got no work lo do
and all day to do It In."
The second marine snorted his dis
gust. "You ain't got It right. Jack."
said he. "It's the Cap'n of murines."
As he worked his way up a long line
to the window ot the paying tollyr of a
downtown bank, a porter with a leatuer
bag stood immediately In front of hun
and passed a check for 12,001).
"How will you tiave It?" Inquired the
teller.
"Five hundred in tens, seven hun
dred and fifty in lives, five hundred
In twos, two hundreds In ones and fifty
In silver."
The packages of bills and rolls of sil
ver were promptly passed out and de
posited and locked in the bug, which
hung from the neck of the porter by a
chain, when n messenger boy. with
bulging eyes, exclaimed;
"Gee whlx! Mister, do you mind tell
ing me what horses you're goln' fo
play 7"
"Uncle Josh,' said a young man In
the Grand Central Station. "I am aw
fully glad to see you In New Yoik. Let
me take your bag and we will go and
get something to eat, and after 1 have
secured you a room we will go down
to the Academy lo see "The Suburban."
"Gosh all beeswax." replied the elder
ly relative, "I've lived all my life In the
country and 1 don't want to see any
thing suburban. Can t we go some
where and enjoy one of those old fash
ioned panoramas of the antediluvian
world?"
a
They were speaking of the pessimis
tic member.
"He never looks on the bright side,"
said one.
"No." added another. "Moreover,
there's auy way for him to shift the
blame for his misfortune on others,
rest assured he'll do it."
"Quite so." concluded a third. ''Why,
the other day they told me of his wife's
devoted utrslng of him during his re
cent attack of rheumatism. In spite
his fault finding, his spouse did every
thing she could to alleviate his pain.
Often his sufferings would cause the
poor thing to burst Into tears as she
sat by Ida bedside. Well, one day
friend dropped In to see how the In
valid was getting on.
"Badly, badly,' walled the pessimistic
one. 'And. do you know. It's all my
wife's fault.'
'' 'Impossible!' gasped the friend.
I surprise.
' Quite true.l assure you,' murmured |
lie sick man. 'It Is this way. Damp
places are bad for me; yet there that
woman alts and cries Just to make the
air moist.'"
—
Much of the business of the Interna
tween the medical and other supportera
of total abstinence on the one, hand
und the advocate of temperance on the
other. It was generally admitted that
the drinking customs of Germany are
especially unfavorable to the spread of
temperance principles. A Berlin doc
tor called attention to the fact, which
he declared had been established, that
one-half of those who were liable to
military service »»ere physically unfit,
and he apparently thought that this
was largely due to alcoholism.
tional Anti-Alcohol Congress at Bre
'»eu assumed the form of a debate b«.
Senator John w. Daniel, ot Vir
ginia. recently told a story Illustrating
how tbe negro race was divided In Its
allegiance during the Civil Wat.
A negro buy was sent to school in a
little hamlet on the .lames rlvei, and
Hie teacher asked him bis name.
"I dunno 'xactly," said the boy. 'It
mought be Jefson Davis Huggqie, an
It mought be Ab'm Lincoln Huggins."
"Don't you know' which It Is?" asked
the teacher.
"Mammy 'lows it's Jefson Davis," re
plied the boy; "but my ole man won't
hab It nohow, an' says It's Ab' in Lin
coln. They'se been sernppin' 'bout It
s'long as I kin rec'lect, an' sometimes
mammy gels th' best o' It. an' sometimes
lb' ole man."
"Well, what do the neighbors call 1
you?" asked the school teacher, taking
In the situation.
"Oh, theyse don't bother with
fam'ly scraps. They Jes' calls me Mose."
no
A very young reporter was sent to
Rlverdale lo interview Mark Twain on
the coal situation, lie began with;
"Mr. Clemens, 1 have been Instructed
lo interview you ou the humors of the
coal situation."
The humorist sat back In his chair
and gasped for a few minutes, and
then replied:
"Young man. you go hack to your
editor and tell him that If he emptied
all the short and long dashes In his
composing rooms Into the forms he
would then only be able to set up a
prelude to my opinion on the coal
situation."
Judge Morgan J. O'Brien was recent
ly chatting with u Harvard student, a
«on of a prominent business man of
this city, and n close friend of the
Judge, about Ills career at college. The
youth complained that, owing to his
"paltry allowance of but $3.000 a year,"
he was getting heavily In debt. The
Judge condoled with him and then re
marked:
"I suppose after you are graduated
you Intend to enter Into business?"
"Well, no. Judge," replied the young
ster; "not as long us father has his
health."
Sir Henry Irving Is telling in London
with much
gusto of an Incident that
says occurred during bla last visit
here. It in one of bin yarns lu show
the quick wit of the American street
arab.
"1 was strolling down Broadway one
afternoon with my l^ng locks floating
over the collar of my top coat, when a
newsboy rushed up to me and, gesticu
lating violently, shouted at me in tragic
\olce:
" Back! back, Bir Henry! Fly for
your life!"
"I confess 1 was a bit flustered, and
I looked nervously around, l asked;
What's the mutter, my lad?'
''Orrlble danger, Sir! There's a
barber in that hotel opposite!'"
Ex-Congressman John Allen tells this
one about a widow In his district who
desired a position in the Agricultural
Department:
"There was no vacancy at that time,"
said he, "and I was consequently com
pelled to advise my constituent that I
could do nothing for her until later.
But she persisted In her efforts to ob
tain u position, and for tw
thereafter met me at every turn. One
morning 1 hud Just finished breakfast
when I was told by the servant that
she was awaiting me in the reception
ball. So I assumed as pleasant a de
meanor as possible, and, entering the
room, said in a sympathetic voice:
■•'Well, my good woman, what news?'
"'Good news,' she said; 'good news.
cultural Department died yesterday!'"
we.-kw
Mr. Allen.'
'' 'Well,' I said. Tin glad to hear that.
And what Is the good nows?'
" 'Oh,' she said. 'Good news, Mr. Al
len. good news; a woman In the Agrl
At a recent charitable function In
Washington Senator Patterson donated
S10 to the cause. The delighted ladles
were profuse In protestations of grati
tude and never-falling remembrance.
Later some one asked the price of a
rose.
"Five dollar»." said Miss Alley- Roose
velt, quickly.
"Ipn't that rather high?" gasped the
astonished buyer.
"No," replied Miss Roosevelt. "Sena
tor Patterson gave twice that much for
a simple forget-me-not."
There was Once a young literary Me
chanic who thought tie could Write like
George Ade. only Better, end Who. after
he had Read (halt author's Works, Decided
that the whole Tiling didn't amount to
much More than the telling of a Short
Story with a little modern slang Thrown
In. and every other word or Ho beginning
with a Capital.
Ho thereupon Concluded he would tear
off Few himself, and have George Ado
faded*ln No Time. Perhaps, mused this
peculiar Guy. people might In time Bay
"George Ade Is Copying me."
Drawing before Mm, Therefore, pens.
Ink und paper, he Prepared to Begin. He
waa however, Confronted at the Outset
with an Insuperable Obstacle, which Was.
that ho couldn't Think of anything to
Write About.
And that was oe far as he Got.
Moral—In order to be As Good Ax, you've
he Better Than.
I got 4