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S;.c—Do T*o tncw !ae sav.ecz"d icy foot unier Ihe tatle?
He—Like She— Juar It lea thai'—Plck-Me-l'p. Bathing in Bournemouth. S ... Tmtnghast—Scientists say there- arebscilil in kisses. Clldarsleeve (rapturously)— Happy bacilli! Misery Lotcb Company. "I suppose your wife keeps things In irder at home?" "Yet, the keeps me sed my hat on tht tack most of tht time.'" A Croat. Disks— My pastry will be read wboa all my tnlr.trablt contemporaries aro forgotttr;. iHdaioa—Vvell, come around ai.a cc? m» Wi«*,—New York World. GIDDY CREATURES. UNSEXED Where It» Fata V». "Do you knov vber>. our biil-postee l? to be found?" asked tho theatrical mana ger. "No," rcp.icJ one of the boys 'but I know where he pute up." "Wncr» is It?" "On a.o fence," coyly rejoinoi the youth, •fi he rcatly dodged a package ot mitiust. tta>.e* THE EVOLUTION OF THE UMBRELLA OUR SCHOOL MASTERS. Drawing, mualc and dancing. I Work of tlip Canl Trust. Lady (lo cenl merchant)—l sent my llttlo boy for three pounds of coal this morning, and when I! came homo I weighed It and found only thlrty-sl* ounces. Christian Lightweight—Dear me! You don't say so. Tt must have bceen a mis take on the part of the new boy. He prob ably thoucht we nclc l our coal by apothe cary's v/elght. I'll send the other twelve ounces down Just as soon as tbe boy comes in. Vanity, Vanity. Mrs. Cobwtgger—l never minded having to economize until it forced us to attend a strance church. Mrs. Bradford What (UffarSDC* could that make? Mrs. Cohvlgger—tVhy. we couldn't put a penny ln tbe i-askct whero everybody knew ut. Too Thick or Too Thin. 'I bate tobacco hrt I rtver object to B«rrn Whlskers'i ilje." "How Is tt»at?" "Oh you see, 1:3 bc*id Is go thick that It CHtcfces and holds the smoke until bs gc«s h;mo and combs it out." Very Likely. "I n«?vi>r kl?c»'i another tnas "B'Jt >0"," tho sweet g'rl said; Alfli*! I know too well tbe fact: The men kissed hfr Instead. Her Dlndem. Slve Icr.'t very wetlihy. Yet ts-wtra a i/o'Cen crown; She bo-. 7M't at i eentlst's For Jutt |10 detvn. Trlnl» cf Conrtnlilp. Llt1!« Johnnie, mother's pet— Prec.cus little loafer! dery nl»ht you call, ycu bet, He'a behind the sofa! lulu Colored Italr. "You'll find her bar is lust like ink," Tboee are 'be words he said; But oh «!a«'for her I find j TIIB lcli Is flaming red. 1 | 'I'llE HI.OO.UCR sSD Till: 'X- RAY. li irry Sncet'i Cakes. Mr* New We 4 twio Is near-sighted)— Whore did you get thoio pretty brown plates, Harry Sweet? Ha.-ry Swest ipr,t'.r:ng)~Why, Jane, those aro not plates, but buckwheat cakes. Ta Uught me hjw to make th&m. ". think you are jest SI mean as you can be, Mrs. New '.ved (soothingly)— There, there, i'ttle ene. Don't r.ry. I'm sure thty must be delicious. (.U.'.ic.) Pa must have learned cookery ln a holier factory. I'll steal a set of tham and present them to the club for quoits. Au Emerald Fnrndor. It having been the Button) in a certain o.'tabllshmert In tto North to pay too work ers fortnightly, and the workmen having found the CUItOK) somewhat Inconvenient, it wos dec.d d to send a dclogato to the head of the firm to stata their grievances. Au Irishman, named Dan D , famed for hia Tngao'ty and persuasive powers, was selected for th* task. He duly waited on the ir aster, who.- addressed him thus: "Well, Daniel, what cau we do fjr you this morning?" "IC yo plase. 'ur, I'vo been sint as a diligftto by the workers to ask a favor of y: r«*j-irdtii' the paymlnt c:' our v,-ngo3." '"/MT And what do they desire?" ouerlcd the tmcler. ' Well, cur, It 1.-, the doilro of mesilf, and v 13 also the denlre of Ivory man In the tttabh'ah.inent. thai we receive our fort night* pay every v. cek."—London Tld- Ei:s THE LOS ANGELES HERALD. MADAM LIKES CARDS. Ho wig a long-suiTo-rins husband, cne who when others said "marital bibs" smiled a rrlm smile, for he knew whereof they spoke and he hurriedly shifted bis evening paper bffore his fs.ee as be caught his wife's eyo upon him. Ke knew ere she opened her mouth that something unpleasant was tj ba acked ef him, and he balanced himself as a mongoose dc»s, ready to leap away la any direction from the expacted attack. His wife sailed innocently, so he was pre farad for tbe worst. "John," she said, "when are you going ta teach tne to play cards?" He drew the paper still nearer to h'.s face. "Listen to this!" be said, with great ap parent laiercst. "I sever heard of such a thine;! Here's a man " "John," said his w!fe s!ernly. j Ho blushed and the paper dropped un heeded In hia lap. "We might as well begin now," said hlj wife. "I saw tho strangest thing on State itrset '.his afternoon." ho began, "John " seld his wife. He became visibly embarrassed. Then he rose sadly from bis chslr and began to clear tho books from tbe card table. "What dp yeu want to It-am?" he asked. "Euchre?" "It doesn't sound very wicked," Bald his wife doubtfully "Poker?" ho suggesieS. "That sounds to* wicked." said his wife. "I'll teach you California Jack," he de cided. "It seems lo III! tbe requirements of sounding wicked, hut not vory wicked. Sit down." She drew up a chair and took her place. Hfl looked across the taMe at her with the expression of a ma n brought face to face with a political landslide.. "Tiers nre 'our things which count," he raid Impressively. "The ace Is high' " "Why Is it hl?h?" she demanded. "rt«cauee It if. the ace." ho said. "And the deuce Is Mow' because it It! the deuce, and the Jsck la 'Jack' because it Is the Jack. Do veti understand, or ehall I explain fur ther?" "Why. It's dreadfully easy." she said, "I •bnurh*. nlaylng cards was bird." "No," he said, "there have been men who could play with as many as three flecks at once. That m»kes three polnls. Tha other In called came. It Is computed by means of lbs cards above tha ten. Each ten counts !cn ' "Th.-.t's awfully C3sv." she said. "It is," he answered, "excruciatingly easy. The Jacks each count one. the queers | t vo, the kings three and tho ao»s four j The reason for these thlnirs I cannot, give." He 6ald the last hurf'sdly, for her mouth I was already half open. She closed it again, land bid heart leaned within him. Then ha I j dealt tho cards. She watched the operation I with great Interest, but rhe said not a word. "It is your lead." he said "We will play thin hand with your cards where I oan soe I them. You will learn more that way." I' We will not," she said. "Of crurso you would win." Me risked, but he accented tho Inevitable, i ' When you w'n a trick." ho said, "you | first take tbe card which is In sight on the j deck " | "Whetrer T want !t or not?" she asked. "Whether you want it or not," he an ■ a wired. i He watched her closely. She betrayed '■ hesitation. | "What ch.il! I Iron?" she asked. "Do you remember tho trump?" be said. She nodded. He C-S not pre?s the matter I further. If r,r.c was prevaricating he did ! net rire to know It. 1 ' That Is tbe tray of club.-,," be raid. "If •■ou feel that it would benefit your hand to hold It load hlsttl otherwise lead low en.l lot me take It." "Let you take It!" she exilalmed. : "Xever!" Sho took the trick sr.d he drew tbe kin? jnf trumps. Ko locked a; her closely. She j did not krow that !; was tic king cf trumps, i ii" sighed again deeply. The hshd wen; on. As the Inst card was played tho d:orbc!l Jingled excit edly. "i?o;h c;lr!s ore cut," the cal.!. He roso cbedienlly. "Think over wh't'l have told you." h» raid, "and fry to remember WMt T noll j rbout counting -.bo game. V, hen 1 net hack ' will com., the cards." She nodded and he left th» room heavily. IP a few raJPUtO*, be returned. "It was a man v-lfj collar buttor.s for rah*." ho vcl'.ir.iOHfpfl. Tha looked up and tmllsd. 'I didn't wait for yon," *ke scid. "I Counted t'-ie cards m-.-H.rlt. There are Jv.s! flfty-lWO."--Chicago Tribune. Sndxlled «o Uc Another. .Mrs Bickers (with n doleful shake of the head)— You are not tbe man I married. Mr.'Dickers (with renewed animation)— I'm [teul !o hear It. I'll go end merry | Miss Kittles right away. Cl.-.go—That accident w:;a quite affectlrg ! •.bis morals'& Lingo—Ye.?, after the crowd bad dispersed I put my hand ia my watch pocke: end fc!f ; do»;ily touched. Mr. IJocr.lc/ (feeling In peckeu. wit's alarm) —Why--Die— Where's in' nleh key? (•With great relief)— Oh. yo;b! Ha! ha! i k'men.hor now! Put Ish in keyhole "tore ' 1- h'.c —let' houscu THE PROCESSION OF HIDES OX NEW YORK'S BROADWAY. THE BURGLAR, "X" RAYED. Mrs. Darley—A scientist saya that Ameri can women are growing taller, while tha men are getting shorter. Mr. Dai lay—Tta.'s bacause the women dress so expenslaely ami the m<in have to feat the bill j. B»tfh<i> Different. Temperance Lecturer —A nice mistake you made in thac sign "Drink is the Curao of Everything!" Sign Painter—How so? Temperance Lecturer —You left out tho "s" in curse. He —Why did you bleak your previous engagement if you did not intend to keep tho one with nio? She —What chance would I have had o! breaking tho one with you If I bad not trokdn the previous ci-.o firrt? A i'.'Mii.y Kut.v.f.-r) r--ns:x Doorways Flamed ln Dooki, A pretty morning room, with tho woodwork finished In white enamel and the walli cov ered with an old rose crrtridaio rapar. has two wide doers 0:1 one sldo of the room, which are made to appear much WJdOr than they really arc by narrow cases for books, «aaL about 13 Inchas wldt, auilt eaca sido th* doorwsys, aad bo cloaa 10 them that tbe doors of tbe oasas appear to bo part of tbe framework of the doorway Tbe doors of these coses aro divided into sm&il pan«s of glaaa set in <rliirc frames, much aa common window frame; would bo, except that tho alius is of better quality, Tho samo arrangement for books is carried over tha :op* of tin doors, v.'hero tho fronts of tha raoes huvo aloo tho small panes ol tlass set in white. Smltbklns —Dear, sholl our engagement ring bo a sol'lalre or cluster? Miriam—Please hay« It a bracelet, Ferdy. (Absently)—l havo so many engagement An Echo of the Fnlure. Voles from the. Stairs—Hasn't th»t young woman gor.-* yet. neorge? Young Mr. Do Horne —No, mamma. Voice from th* Stairs—Wei!, lust ask her to close the pate when she goes out, and if she meets the milkwoman on tha way, Mk hor to leave an extra quart this moraine, as your papa i 3 going to make cake. The ludlprnnnt MonUeys. "What," inquired tho proprietor of ihs Chicago menagerie, testily, ' Is tb» matter , with th».t cageful of monkeys? I tever saw them quite so angry." "You see," explained tho attendant, "that's Professor fiarnet over thire: he hat Just '.>cen telling them about Darwin's theory that they are descended Ircra men." ———— — , A Terfect Justification. Judge Qut::k—Whot'a <he charge? Ofllcer —Drunk and dlsord Prisoner—Pieces, Yuur Hor.or, I Just got Into the city lost night for the first time in a year. I've been living ln Philadelphia. Judge Quick—'Nut 6aid—discharged.— New York Dxchaige. "Aro you happy, darling?" "So happy! You remind mo In so man trayi of my first husband!" Si»ecdy ISnouwli for Him. Tpyowritor Agcct—Regarding your type writer —wouldn't you prefer one a littlo more rapid? T cap rc~ enmend one that re quires no ribbons, feeds hotter, cad is very gulek. Old Mr. BaJdboy—That'll do. young men. I don't mm.l about the ribbons, and i don't want a better feeder than mine. She's got mo nearly broke now with her speed. I am not looking for anything quicker. Good day. MERTIE—The simpleton actually asked me to marry hint, isn't ho a fool? GERTIE—Sure A young typewriter had just been hired Ihy a prominent lawyer. She had never dons : regular work before, and was somewhat ner | vou3. Tho lawyer settled himself back ln : his chair and besan dictating a brief. He 1 had p??ired away about ten minutes, when the girl cropped, with a horrified look oa ' her face. 1 "What's tho matter?" asked the lawyer. I "Would yen mind eoylng that all over ■again?" the jlrl aiked, with eyes full of ! tearo. "Why?" "I forgot to put any paper ln the ma j chine." Fronco Bil!--Yer 'lon't catch me sending that ycuiESter of mire to no school. No, dree. I Pt-tash Feta™ Ain't ye goio' to give him 1 any eddicatlon '»t all, then? I Bronco Bill—Ob. yes. But I'll teach th» young idea how ter shoot myself. The Usotal Chatelaine Bag, The chatelaine Je-ag is ugaln In fashion, sus pended from ihe I'-lt or girdle worn with a round-waited or basque budiie. Some of Iho new varieties cone securely fastened to tha bells they mutch 1 others are secured by a tuetsl c'.iiap. All sorts of material are used for theuo revived accessories—English snake skin, lizard skin, undressed kid, In white. j;Ourl color, tan or old rose. The kid is used for the llnei hags, with purses and card cases ■to match, and gold, silver and decorated aluminum ornaments, or chased designs of line filigree patterns flaish thesa useful and beautiful accessories. .Vje-Ifa my birthday to-day Me—Dear mo, and what It tho ICOTO? She—The ecoro la twenty.