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CONQUEST OF MARS [Copyright, ISPS, by Garrett P. Servlss.) SYNOPSIS. The inventive genius of Thomas A. Edi son makes possible an attack of the eaitn upon Mars. This is dune to prevent a sec ond invasion of the Martians, whoi aw trying to relieve their overpopulatea planet; the lirst having failed throughi tn< Creaking out of disease ami not human ei fort. lidison invents a practical electrical airship, aud an engine ol destruction called the "Disintegrator" which win cause the constituent particles ol any ou jedt at which it may be directed to so vibrate that ibc object will be Immj mat - ly and completely dispersed. A large neei of airships armed with disintegrators and manned by two thousand men. amoio. whom arc many famous scientists, sew out. The Meet arrived above thei lana 01 Hellas, on .Mars, and finds a host or air ships on the watch. Tbe Martians, who are of giant stature, human In form, but of repulsive aspect, covet »•» planet with a thick cloud of smoKe. which the visitors pierce with tneir disintegrators. The Martians hunch their thunderbolts, and do much damage to the Edison fleet, which finally urops beneath the smoke curtain and engages the enemy. In their ships. In close com bat The destruction is awlul both on land nnd in the air, and the ships Horn the earth withdraw but sixty in number. The next move is a strategic plan pro posed by Colonel Smith, an army officer. The majority et the shins are concen trated at a certain point where the atten tion of the Martians is held, while a few are sent to the other side of the planet to effect a landing. Colonel Smiths ship descends near a large building, ihe Col onel and the narrator, entering, are amazed to find a young girl—a human be ing—playing on a strange Instrument lor the amusement of several Martians. Hie latter arc quickly dispatched with disin tegrators, and the girl is taken hack to the main squadron. Although none can understand the girl, It is per ceived that her language is of hu man origin. The whole squadron re pairs to the farther moon of Mars, Del mos, in order to give the linguists of the party time to acquire the girl s speech, for Mr. Edison be lieves that she can give them informal ion that will lead to a suc cessful routing of the enemy. After three weeks spent on Deirnos. out of sight ol Mars, the linguists are aide to understand Alna's story. Her ancestors were brought from the earth in a previous invasion of the earth by the Martians about 9,000 years ago. From the girl's remarkable narrative it would appear that the Mar tians had visited Egypt and had built the Pyramids and the Sphinx. Alna's forefathers were carried back te> Mars, and they and their descendants had been kept in slavery until, with the exception of Aina, they were all massacred on tbe arrival of the fleet from the earth. Aina discloses a way by which the Martians can be drowned out. To do this it will be necessary to enter a strongly guarded building which contains the mechanism that controls an art.iticial disposition of tho waters of the oceans and seas of the planet. By turning these Into their nat ural channel the continents will be flood ed, because much of the land is below the level of the sea. Returning from Delmos, a party, consisting of the narrator, Mr. Ellison. Colonel Smith. Sidney Phillips and Aina, descends near the building and succeeds in accomplishing its purpose After barely reaching their ship In safety, they watch the oncoming flood that over spreads the land. The Martian forces appear in their airships, but after a short contest they are put to night. The in vaders calculate that in two days the wa ters will reaclf the land of Thaumasia, tbe center of population; so they set oul to watch tbe awful destruction that Will there take pluee. As they go they s.-,. the .Martians fleeing before the flood, but. except those who escape ln airships and those who are able to reach what slight elevations there are on the time-leveled planet, all go down before the deluge, The waters reach Tbj&Umasia, and the great city on the .Lake of the Sun is ex terminated. XXIV. We now turned our ships toward the southern border of the land, follow ing the direction of the air ships car rying the fugitives, a few of which were still navigating the atmosphere a mile beneath us. We pursued our way rapidly until we arrived at the shore-of the Southern Ocean. There, as we bud expected, was to be seen a narrow strip , f land with the ocean on one side and the raging Hood seeking to destroy it on the other, ln some places it bud Leen already broken through, so that the ocean wus flowing in to assist in the drowning of Thaumasia. But some parts of the coast were evi dently so elevated that no matter how high the Hood might rise it would not completely cover them. Here the fugi tives hail gathered in dense throngs and above them hovered most of the air ships, loaded down with others who were unable to find room upon the dry bind. On one of the loftiest and broadest of those elevations we noticed Indica tions of military order in the align ment of the crowds, ami the shore all round was guarded by gigantic pickets, who mercilessly shoved back into the flood all the; later comers, and thus pre vented a too gnat crowding upon the land. In the center of this elevation rose a palatial structure of red metal which Aina informed us was one of the residences of tin.- Emperor, and we con cluded that the monarch himself war, now present there. The absence of any signs of resist ance on the part of tin- air ships, and the complete drowning of all the for midable fortifications on the surface of the planet, convinced us Hiul all we had now to do in order to complete our conquest was to get possession of the person of the chief ruler. The fleet was, accordingly, concen trated, and we rapidly approached the great Martian palace. As we came down within v hundred feet of them and boldly made our way among tie ir air ships, which retreated at our ap proach, the Martians gnze.l at us with mingled fear and astonishment. We were their conquerers, and they knew it. Wo were coming to demand their surrender, und they evidently un derstood that also. As we approached the palace, signals were made from it with brilliantly colored banners which Ainu informed us wt re intend ed as a token of trine. "We shall have to go down and have a confab with them, I suppose," said Mr. Edison. "We can't kill them off, sow that they are helpless, but we must manage somehow to make them understand that unconditional sur render is their only chance." "Let us take Aina with us," l sug tcsted. "and since she can speak the Garrett P.Serviss language of the Martians we shall j.reliably have no difficulty in arriving at an understanding"." Accordingly the ling ship was care fully brought further down In front of the entrance to the palace, which had been kept clear by the Martian guards, nnd while the remainder of the squad ron assembled within a few feet, direct ly over our heads, with the disintegra tors turned upon the palace and the crowd below, Mr, Edison and myself, accompanied by Aina, stepped out upon the ground. There was a forward movement in the immense crowd, but the guards sternly kept everybody back. A party of a dozen giants, preceded by one who seemed to be their commander, gor geously attired in jeweled garments, advanced from the entrance of the palace to meet us. Aina addressed a few words to the leader, who replied sternly, and then, beckoning us to fol low, retraced bis steps into the pal ace. Notwithstanding our confidence that all resistance had ceased, we did not deem it wise actually to venture into the lion's den without having taken every precaution against a surprise. Accordingly, before following the Mar tian into the palace, we had twenty of the electrical ships moored around it in such positions that they commanded not only the entrance but all of the principal windows, and then a party of forty picked men. each doubly armed With powerful disintegrators, was selected to attend us Into the building. This party was placed un der the command of Colonel Smith, nnd Sidney Phillips insisted on being a member of it. In the meantime the Martian with his attendants who had first invited us to enter, finding that we did not fol low him, had returned to the front of the palace. He saw the disposition that we had made of our forces, and in stantly comprehended its signitieanee. for his manner changed somewhat, and he seemed more desirous than before to conciliate us. W'lu n he again beckoned us to enter, we unhesitatingly followed him. and, passing through the magnificent en trance, found ourselves ln a vast an te-chamber, adorned after the manner of the Martians In the most expensive manner. Thence we passed into a great circular apartment a dome painted in imitation of the sI.V. and so lofty that to our eyes it seemed like the Armament itself. Here we found ourselves approaching an elevated throne situated in the center of the apartment, while long rows of bril liantly armored guards Hanked us on either side, and. grouped around the throne, some standing and others re clining upon the flights of steps which appeared to be of solid gold, was an array of Martian women, beautifully and becomingly attired, a.ll of whom greatly astonished us by the singular charm of their faces and bearing, so different from the aspect of most of the Martians whom we had already en countered. Despite their Ftature —for these women averaged twelve or thirteen feet in height—the beauty of their complexions, of a dark, olive tint, was no less brilliant than that of the women of Italy or Spain. At the top of the steps on a magnifi cent golden throne, sat the Emperor himself. There are some busts of Car acalla which I have seen that are al most as ugly as the face of the Martian ruler. He was of gigantic stature, larger than the majority of his sub jects, and as near as 1 could judge must have been between fifteen and sixteen feet in height. I bad learned from Aina that Mars was under military government, and tbut the military class bad absolute control of the planet. I was somewhat startled, then, in looking at the head and center of the groat military sys tem of Mars to find in his appearance a striking confirmation of the specula tions of our terrestrial phrenologists. His broad, misshapen head bulged j n those parts where they have placed the so-called organs of combativeness, destrttctlveness. etc. Plainly, this was an effect of his training and education. His very brain had become a military engine; and the aspect of his face) the pitiless lines of his mouth and chin, the evil glare of his eyes, the attitude and carriage of his muscular body, all tended to com plete the warlike ensemble. lie was magnificently dressed in some vesture that had the luster of a polished plate of gold with the supple ness of velvet. As we approached he fixed his immense, deep-set eyes stern ly upon our faces. Mr. Edison, Colonel Smith, Sidney Phillips, Aina, and myself, advanced at the head of the procession, our guard following in close order behind us. it had 1 n evident from the mo ment that we • ntered the palace that Aina was regarded with aversion by all id' the- Martians. Even the women about the throne gazed seowlingly at her as we drew mar. Apparently, the bitterness of feeling which had led to the awful massacre of all her race had not yet vanished. It was char to me that the feeling aroused by her appearance was every moment becoming mure intense. Still, the thought of a violent outbreak did not occur to me, because our recent triumph had seemed so complete that i believed the Martians would be awed by our presence, and would not un dertake actually to injure the girl. I think we all bail the same impres sion, but as the event proved, we were mistaken. Suddenly one of the gigantic guards, as if actuated by a lit of ungovernable hatred, lifted .his foot and kicked Aina. With a "loud shriek she fell to the lloor. LOS ANGELES HERALD* SUNDAY MCTRNING. APRIL 10, 1695, The blow was so unexpected that for a second we all remained riveted to the spot. Then I saw Colonel Smith's face turn livid, and at the same instant heard the whirr of his disintegrator, while Sidney rhillips, forgetting the deadly instrument that he carried in his hand, sprang madly toward the brute who had kicked Aina, as if he intended to throttle him, colossus as lie was. xxv. But Colonel Smith's aim, though in stantaneously taken, as he hnd been accustomed to shoot on the plains, was true, and Phillips, plunging madly for ward, seemed wreathed In a faint blue mist—all that the disintegrator had left of the gigantic Martian. Who could adequately describe the scene that followed? I remember that the Martian Emper or sprang to his feet, looking tenfold more terrible than before. I remember that there instantly burst from the line of guards on either side crinkling beams of death-lire that seemed to sear the eyeballs. 1 saw half a dozen of our men fall in heaps of ashes, and event at that terrific moment 1 had time to wonder that a single one of us remained alive. Rather by instinct than in conse quence of any order given, we formed ourselves In a hollow square, with Aina lying apparently lifeless in the center, und then with gritted teeth we did our work. The lines of guards melted before the disintegrators like rows of snow men before a licking Untie. Tho discharge of the lightning en gines In the hands of the Martians in that confined space made an uproar so tremendous that It seemed to pass the bounds of human sense. More of our men fell before their awful fire, and for the second time since our arrival on this dreadful planet of war our annihilation seemed inevitable. But in a moment the whole scene changed. Suddenly there was a dis charge into the room which I knew came from one of the disintegrators Of the electrical ships. It swept through the crowded throng like a de stroying blast. Instantly from another side swished a BecorurJ discharge, no less destructive, and this was quickly followed by a third. Our ships were tiring through the windows. Almost at the same moment I saw the flagship, which had been moored in the air close to the entrance and floating only three or four feet above the ground, pushing its way through Colonel Smith's Aim, Thou?;!. Instantaneously Taken, Was True. the gigantic doorway from the ante room, with its great disintegrators pointed upon the crowd like the muz zles of B cruiser's guns. And now the Martians saw that the contest was hopeless for them, and their mad struggle to get out of the range of the disintegrators and to es cape from the death chamber, was more appalling to look upon than any thing tluit had yet occurred. Still the pitiless disintegrators played upon them until Mr. Edison, making himself heard, now that the thunder of their engines had ceased to rever berate through the chamber, com manded thai our lire should cease. Through all this terrible contest the Emperor of the .Martians had remained standing upon his throne, gazing at the awful spectacle and not moving from the spot. Neither he nor the frightened women gathered upon the steps of the throne had been injured by the disintegrators. Their immunity was due to the fact that the position and elevation of the throne were such that it was not within the range of fire of the electrical ships which had poured their vibratory discharges through the windows, and we inside bad only directed our fire toward the warriors w ho had attacked us. Now that the struggle was over we turned our attention to Aina. Fortun ately the girl had not been seriously in jured, and she was quickly restored to consciousness. Hud she been killed we would have been helpless ln at tempting fur'her negotiations. 4 When the Martian monarchVsaw that we had ceased the work of death, he sank upon his throne. There he re mained, leaning his chin upon his two hands and staring straight before him like that terrible doomed creature who fascinates the eyes of every beholder standing in the Sletine Chapel and gazing at Michael Angelo's dreadful painting of "The Last Judgment." This wicked Martian also felt that he was in the grasj. of pitiless and ir resistible fate and that a punishment too well deserved and from which there was ro possible escape, now con fronted him. • There he remained in a despair which almost compelled our sympathy, until Aina had so far recovered that she wus once more able to act as our interpreter. Then We made short work of the negotiations. Speaking through Aina, the commander said: "You know who we are. We have come from the eart'., which, by your command, was laid waste. Our com mission was not revenge but self-pro tection. We have laid waste your plan et, but it is simply a just retribution for what you did with ours. We are prepared to complete the destruction, leaving not a living being in this world of your*, < r to grunt you peace, nt your choice. Our condition of peace Is* simply this: All resistance must cease absolutely. "Nothing that we could now do," continued the commander, "would in my opinion save you from ultimate de struction. The forces of nature which we have been compelled to let loose upon you will complete their own vic tory. Hut we do not wish unneces sarily to stain our hands further With your blood. We shall leave you in possession of your lives. Preserve them if you can. But, in case the flood re cede before you have all perished from starvation, remember that you here take an oath, solemnly binding yourself and your descendants for ever never agnin to make war upon the earth." I need not describe in detail how our propositions were received by the Mar tian monarch. He knew, and his ad visers, some of whom he had called in consultation, also knew tbat every thing was in our hands to do as we pleased. They readily agreed, there fore, that they would make no more re sistance and that we and our electrical ships should be undisturbed while we remained upon Mars. The monarch took the oath prescribed after the manner of his race; thus the business was completed. Hut through it all there had been the shadow of a sneer lon the Emperor's face which I did not like. But 1 said nothing. And now we began to think of our return home, and of the pleasure we Should have In recounting our adven tures to our friends on the earth, who wot., doubtless eagerly waiting for news from us, We knew they had been watching Mars with powerful telescopes, and we were also eager to learn bow much they had seen and how much they had been able to guess of our proceedings. But a day or two at least would be required to overhaul the electrical ships and to examine the state of our provisions. Those; which we haei brought from the earth, it will be re membered, had been spoiled and we had been compelled to replace them freim the' compressed provisions found in the Martians' storehouse. A new supply, however, wemld be necessary in order to curry us back to the earth. At le;nst sixty days would be required for the homeward journey, because we could hardly expect tei start from Mars with the- same initial velocity which Aye had be en able to generate on leav ing home. In considering the matter of pro visioning the- ileet it finally became necessary to take nn account of our | losses. This was a thing that we had | all shrunk from, because they had seemed te, us almost too t nible to be borne. But ne,w the facts had to be ' faceel. Out e,f the hundred ships, car ! rying something more than two thou • isand souls, with which we had quitted the earth, there remained only fifty five ships and 1,085 men! All the oth ers had been lost in our terrific en counters with the Martians, and par ticularly in the first disastrous battle underneath the clouds. Among the lost were many men whose names were famous upon the earth, and whose death would be wide ly deplored when the news of it was received upon their native planet. Fortunately this number did not in clude any of those whom I have had occasion especially to mention In the course of this narrative. The venera ble Lord Kelvin, who notwithstanding his age and his pacific disposition, proper to n man of science, had be haved With the courage and coolness of a veteran in every crisis: Monsieur Moissan, the eminent chemist; Profes sor Sylvanus P. Thompson, and the Heidelberg professor, to whom we all felt under special obligations because he hud opened to our comprehension the charming lips of Aina—all these had survived nnd were about to return With us to the earth. It was not with very good grace that the Martian Emperor acceded to out demands that one of the storehouses should be opened, but resistance was useless and oi course we hud our way. The supply of water which we brought from the earth, owing to «. pe culiar process invented by Monsieur Moissan. had been kept in exceedingly good condition, but it was now running low and it became necessary to replen ish it also. This was easily done from the Southern Ocean, for on Murs, since the leveling of the continental eleva tions, brought about many years ago, there is comparatively little salinity in the sea waters. While these preparations were going on, Lord Kelvin and the other men of science entered witli the utmost eager ness upon those studies, the prosecu tion of which had been the principal inducement loading them to embark on the expedition. But, almost all of the face of the planet being covered with the flood, there was comparatively lit- tie that they could do. Much, how ever, could be learned with the aid of Aina from the Martians, now crowded on the land about the palace. The result of these discoveries will in due time appear, fully elaborated In learned and authoritative treatises prepared by these savants themselves. 1 shall only call attention to one, which seemed to me very remarkable. I have already said that there were astonish ing differences in the personal appear ance of the .Martians, evidently arising from differences of character and edu cation, which had impressed them selves on the physical aspects of the individuals. We now learned that these differen ces were more completely the result of education than we had at first sup posed. Looking about among the Martian! by whom we were surrounded, it soon became easy for us to tell who were the soldiers and who were tbe civilians, simply by the appearance of their bodies, and particularly of their heads. All members of the military class re sembled to a greater or less extent, the monarch himself in that those parts of their skulls which our phre nologists had designated as the bumps of destructiveness, enmbativeness and so on were enormously and dispropor tionately developed. But among the civilians there was an almost infinite variety of cranial development instead of tho uniformity that characterized the soldiers. In their bodily appearance they did not differ so very much from one another, but the expression of the countenance and the shape of the head formed the index to character. In some the development of the re flective faculties had produced pre cipitous brows that seemed too heavy for their owners to carry. It would would have driven a phrenologist crazy with delight to pass about among these people and see the marvelous shapes that their heads had assumed. And all this, as we were assured, was completely under the control of the Martians themselves. They had learned, or invented, methods by which the brain itself could be manipulated, so to speak, and any desired portions of it could be specially developed, while the other parts were left to their normal growth. The consequence was that in the Martian schools and col leges there was no teaching in our sense of the world. It was all brain culture. The youth who was Intended for a soldier had his fighting faculties es pecially developed, together with those parts of the brain which impart cour age and steadiness of nerve. He who was Intended for scientific investiga tion had his brain developed into a mathematical machine, or an Instru ment of observa'on. Poets and llter rary men had their heads bulging with the imaginative faculties. The heads of Inventors were developed into a still different shape. "And so," said Aina. translating tor us the words of a professor in the Im perial university of Mars, from whom we derived the greater part of our in formation on this subject, "the Mar tian boys do not study a subject; they do not have to learn it, but, when their brains have been sufficiently developed in the proper direction, they compre hend it Instantly, by a kind of divine instinct." But among the women of Mars we saw none of these curious and to our eyes monstrous, differences of develop ment. While the men received, in ad dition to their special education, a broad, general culture also, with the women there wus no special education. It was all general in its character, yet thorough enough in that way. The consequence wus that only female brains upon Mars were entirely well balanced. This was the reason why we invariably found the Martian women to be remrrkably charming creatures, with none of those physical exaggerations nnd uncouth develop ments which disfigured their mascu line companions. One word of explanation may be needed concerning the failure of the Martians, with ail their marvelous powers, to invent electrical ships like those of Mr. Kdlson and engines of de struction comparable with our disinte grators. This failure was simply due to the fact that on Mars there did not exist the peculiar metals by the com bination of which Mr. Edison had been able to effect his wonders. The theory involved in our inventions was perfect ly understood by them, and had they possessed the leans, doubtless they would have been able to carry it into practice even more effectively than we had done. After two or three days all the pre parations having been completed, the signal wits given for our departure. The men of science were still unwilling to leave this trange world, but Mr. Edison decided that we could linger no longer. Our fleet was assembled around the palace, and the slgnul was given to rise slowly to a considerable height before Imparting a great velocity to the electrical ships. As we slowly rose we suw the immense crowd of giants be neath us. with upturned faces, watch ing our departure. The Martian mon arch und all his suite hod come out upon the terrace of the palace to look at v The sigaal to increase our speed was given and in a short time we were beyond the Martian atmosphere, and once more rapidly speeding through Ihe boundless ocean of ether toward the earth. When at length we once more saw our native planet, with its well re membered features of land and sea, rolling beneath our eyes, the feeling of joy that came over us transcended all powers of expression. In order that all the nations which had united in Sending out tho expedi tion should have visual evidence of. its triumphant return, it was decided to make the entire circuit of the earth before seeking our starting point and disembarking. Brief accounts in all known languages, telling the story of what we had done were accordingly prepared, and then we dropped down through the air v- til again we saw the well-loved blue dome above nur heads, and found ourselves suspended directly above the white-topped cone of Fusi yama, the sacred mountain of Japan. Shifting our place toward the north erst, we hung above the city of Tokol dropped down into the crowds had assembled to watch us, the prepared accounts of our journey, which, the moment they had been read and comprehended, led to such an out burst of rejoicing as it would be quite impossible to describe. We shifted our course slightly toward the south as the great planet rolled underneath us and at length saw the gigantic Himalaya Mountains lift ing their white peaks far below our feet. Then came the mighty Hindoo Koosh, and as we sailed above these mountains, the Heidelberg professor pointed out to Aina the Valley of Cash mere from which her ancestors had been carried off so many thousands of years ago. From Asia, crossing the Caspian Sea, we passed over Kussla, visiting in turn Moscow and St. Petersburg. Still the great globe rolled steadily beneath, and still we kept the sun with us. Now Germany appeared, and now Italy, and then France, and England, as we shifted our position first north then south, ln order to give all tho world an opportunity to see '.hat its warriors had returned victorious from their far conquest. And in each coun try, as it passed beneath our feet, we left some of the comrades who had shared our perils and our adventures. At length the Atlantic had rolled away under us and we saw the spires of the new New York. The news of our coming had been Hashed ahead from Europe, and our countrymen were prepared to welcome us. We had originally started, it will be remembered, nt midnight, and now again as we approached the new cap ital of the world the curtain of night was just beginning to be drawn over it. But our signal lights were ablaze, and through these they were aware of our approach. Again the air was filled with burst ing rockets and shaken with the roar of cannon, and with volleying cheers, poured from millions of throats, as we came to rest directly above the city. Three days after the landing of the fleet, and when the first enthusiasm of our reception had a little passed, I re ceived a beautifully engraved card in viting me to be present in Trinity Church at the wedding of Aina and Sidney Phillips. When I arrived at the church, which found there Mr. Edison, Lord Kelvin, and all the other members of the crew of the flagship, and, considerably to my surprise, Colonel Smith, appro priately attired, and with a grace for the possession of which I had not given him credit, gave away the beautiful bride. But Alonzo Jefferson Smith was a man and a soldier, every Inch of him. "I asked her for myself," he whis pered to me after the ceremony, swal lowir.g a great lump in his throat, "but sh has had the desire of her heart. I am going back to the plains. I can get a command again, and I still know how to fight." And thus was united, for all future time, the first stem of the Ayran race, which had been long lost, but not de stroyed, with the latest offspring of that great family, and the link which had served to bring them together was the far-away planet of Mars. (THE END.) THE MOTORMAN. Human Nature Is Full of Ouirka and Kicks. "When I started out to run a car." said the motorman as we waited at a crossing for four or Aye people to get aboard, "I made up my mind to be soft nnd pleasant with the public. I was going to be respectful, polite, and anxious to please. I tried that policy about two weeks and then dropped it. 1 found that the public looked upon me as a Jay, instead of a man desirous of pleasing. If I'm not mistaken here comes a ease of It now." A man with a limp came out of a store and started to get on the front of the cur. .When waved off he de manded; "What's the matter with this car that I can't get on the front end?" "Agin the rules," was the reply. "But I've got rules as well as tho Company, and I'm going to get on here! You go to Garden Avenue, don't you?" "Not within a mile of it." "You don't! Since when did they take up the tracks, and crook them all around the country? I took this line to Garden Avenue only day before yeß terday." "You mean you took the Red Line Car." "And this is the Red Line." "No, sir—this Is the Green Line. Red Line will be the next car. Look out for yourself, now!" "Look here, you slab-sided old brake twister!" shouted the lame man as he fell back a few feet—"l'll have an eye on you from this time out, and if neces sary I'll buy out this whole Road to get you bounced. The Idea of our public servant daring to dictate to their masters!" "You see how it goes," smiled the motorman as he started the car. "That man made a mistake in the car, and he will forever hold me responsible for It. Please look back and see if the conductor has Ills hat on his ear and Is lookin' as if he owned the car? Oh, he is? Well, they git that way once in a while and have to be taken down a peg. The conductor rings the bell and collects the fares, but the motorman runs the ear. Just watch me now!" There was a man waiting on the corner to take the car. He had a newspaper in his hand, and he held it up for the car to stop. The motorman looked the other way and did not stop until he got the bell, half a block away. The would-be passenger came running after the ear, and as he reached it he shouted at the conductor: "Are you on this cur to pick up pas sengers, or to gawp all over the Btreet! That's live different limes you have played that trick on me, and to-mor row you'll find yourself walking tho streets!" "I rang as soon as I saw you," re plied the conductor. "And it was your business to have seen me half an hour before! Don't talk back, sir! I'll settle your hash this afternoon!" "That will last Jim all day." grinned the motorman, as he got the bell. "As to the general public, every man, woman and child expects to kick aboard an electric tar. Perhap3 there's sunthin' in the current that causes it. Hear that woman jawing the conductor? Her Fourth Avenue transfer Is no good for this line, and she's tried that little game half a doz en times. Some folks can't see why they can't ride to Boston, Philadel phia, Chicago, and St. Louis and back again on a street cur ticket. Hello! Who's this?" "And now for some more human na ture," said the motorman as he sound ed the gong and rattled a grocery wagon tiff the track. "You see that woman waiting up there on the cross sing. Well, you notice she's on the wrong side of the street. She knows it, but she won't give in. She's bound to make the car stop on this side if it takes twenty years to do it. I can't do it of course, and she knows I can't, but you'll see how she'll take on." Up went her hand, and along to the other side went the car. "Why didn't you stop?" shouted the woman to the conductor. "Can't stop on that side," he re plied. "You could if you wanted to, but you just want to spite me. I'll go to head quarters this very day and make com plaint." "Reg'lar programme," observed the motorman after we had covered about two blocks. "You'll never know what kickers the public are until you run a tar. Two blocks up the street we'll come across an Italian Junk-man with a hand-cart. He's been laying for mv for the last month—crossing back and forth in front of me and aching for a collision. I'm going to smash his cart this time and take the chances. If I don't he'll catch me some night and oblige me to shave one of his legs off. See him? Now hang on and look out for splinters!" The man with the cart really seemed to be waiting for the car. At any rate, he started to push it .across the street in a way to bring about a collision, and the collision came. The motorman gave her all the current and stepped back and the cart was flung into the air and came down a heap of splin ters. "You busta my carta all to bitta." we could hear the junk-man crying as we sped along; and for a long min ute the motorman seemed to be think ing deeply. Then he said: "Had to do it in the Company's In terest, you see. Better pay him two or three dollars for an old cart than $500 for the loss of a leg. He'll have the sympathy of some of the passengers, though. Ah! it's coming!" An oldish man with a sympathetio face opened the door and said: "My friend, you have brought wreck and ruin to the hearthstone of a poor but worthy man. I saw the whole performance, and—," The bell rang for a corner, and the car was stopped in a way to whirl the sympathetic man around and pitch him into a seat. "Misplaced sympathy," smiled the motorman. "He might have gone on for an hour if I hadn't stopped him. Let a big coal wagon run into me and it's all right, but let me smash a Junk cart and a wave of sympathy pours out for the poor Dago. Out here, eh? Well, if the conductor tells you to step lively just drop a cent on the floor and hold the car ten minutes while you look for It. Conductors are very useful officials, but they need a strong hand now and then. The one I've got thinks his breath moves the ear along, and I have to let him know now and then that I'm on earth." Copyright, 1898, hy The International Literary and News Service.