Newspaper Page Text
6 LOS ANGELES DAILY HERALD BY THE HERALOCOMPANY. ntAinC "• ri!»LA.YBO!».. .»...«»..*.>• »'«"'"' KORT. M. T05T... ....... ..hi M ...Geacr*l Hiuiu OLDEST MOHNINO PAPER IN LO3 ANGELAS, rounded Oet 2, 1873. Thirty-stcond Y«ar. Chamber of Commerce Building. TELEPHONES— Bung«t Pre»« »■ Home. The H«T*ld. OFFICIAL PAPER OF LOS ANGELES Th« only nunoornHo n«w«p«p«r In Routhern Calltornl* r« iwtvln* th« full Asaoclatsd Press report*. NEWS BERVICR— Member of the Aanoclated Presi, r« rwlvlnir 1t« full report, avemrlnn iS,«X> wordt a day. EASTERN A'»KNTfI-Hnilth A Thompson. Potter bulld- In*. New York; Tribune bulldln*. Chicago. RATEB OF SUBSCRIPTION, WITH SUNDAY MAGAZINE: Dally, by currier, per month t .0 Dally, by mall, tnre« months I.M Dally, by mall, nix months I.DO Dally, by mail, on* year 7.50 Sunday Herald, by mall, one year 2.50 Weekly Herald, by mall, one year 1.00 Entered at Postortlca. Lns Angeles, an Becond-claas Matter. THE HERAt.r* IN SAN FRANCISCO— Los Angeles «n<l ■oiithern California ylsltora to San Francisco will find The Herald on sale dally at the news gtands In the Palace and St. Francis hotels, and for sale at Cooper & Co.. 144 Market; at News Co., B. P. Ferry, and on the atreets by Wheatley. THE HERALD'S CITY CIRCULATION The Herald's circulation In the city of Los Angdas Is larger than that of tha Examiner or the Express and second only to that of the Times. Population of Los Angeles 201,249 If we are to have two steel trusts, as Charlie Schwab teems to think, let us hope they won't both be "steal" trusts. The misrepresentatlve from the Sixth ward in the council would be glad it some one would tell him "where he is at." lie Isn't When Vice President Hyde of the Equitable Life concern comes out of the ordeal that he has been going through for weeks he will be tanned to a finish. Mayor McAleer and the janitor are getting along nicely in holding down the city hall lid while the coun cilmanlc statesmen and other bosses are enjoying them selves on the Salt Lake outing. Only one man eligible for tho Job of gas inspector? How funny! Where are all the tried and true hot-air spouters, so numerous In the anti-saloon fight? They ought to be qualified without even an examination. It must be getting hot for the beef trust if a number of leading members have been indicted, as stated, by the Chicago grand jury. The. government authorities seem to be "taking the bull by the horns" quite literally. Last of all comes Pasadena with a charge from its mayor of official grafting involving a local judicial light. Truly the times must be out of joint when the graft bacillus attacks such an exemplary city as Pasadena. It required thirty-six hours to pump the water out of New York's flooded subway, the quantity being 26, 000,000 gallons. It is a pity that such a pumping ap pliance cannot be attached to the water soaked stock of the steel trust and the like. It is pleasing to know that the Los Angeles conting ent in Salt Lake attended services In the tabernacle and ' were "enthralled by the music of the great organ and a choir of 500 voices." It is not stated whether the or gan or the voices enthralled the more. At the annual convention of dancing masters in Co lumbus, 0., it was determined to introduce the old fashioned Jig and clog dances. The jig has never been entirely out of fashion, however, practice of it having been kept up in the domestic woodshed. Twenty-three full fledged physicians have Just been turned loose from the medical college of the University of Southern California. This fresh Installment allays any apprehension that may have been felt about a scarc ity of Los Angeles doctors in the near future. The account of that make-believe attack by Uncle Sam's warships at Fortress Monroe, and the theoretical sinking of the fleet, will probably be sad reading for Admiral Rojestvensky. It was all so unlike the real istic style that Togo put up in the Korean straits. The American Library association Is scheduled for a meeting at Portland, July 5-7. The Los Angeles city librarian, as stated, "will speak on California libraries." Perhaps she will undertake to show how nice it is to operate a library of 200,000 volumes in a dingy loft. A dispatch from London states that "the crown prince of Sweden and Norway will be married to Prin cess Margaret Victoria of Connaught June 17." Of course, there is the contingency that the young lady may back out because of the prince's loss in "the land of the midnight sun." Senator Clark said in his speech at Salt Lake: "Branches of the Salt Lake road will in due time be constructed and (he map-makers will for some time be kept, busy." That Is agreeable newa for Los Angeles. The more branches from the stem of the Salt Lake line the more grist for the Lo» Angeles hopper. The Cubans are not progressing on American politi cal lines as rapidly as could bo wished. We notice tho report of a duel between an editor and one of the candi dates for president. Tho American plan in such cases is a fight to a finish, mor© or less according to tho rules formulated by the late lamented marquis of Queens berry. A novel exampio of economy came to light In a local divorce suit this week. The husband thought, after the marriage three years ago, that a tour of Europe would be about the right thing, but as that would be too ex pensive for the pair he concluded to make the tour* alone, using his wifo's money. The divorce action was brought because the tourist forgot to return." Japan objectß to Paris as a resting place for the dove of peace. And quite properly. The dove and her attendants would be all too likely to spend more time seeing the sights than settling the war game. Give Casslnl a little absent treatment and bring 'em to Wash ington, where a near view of the "big stick" would doubtless expedite a settlement considerably. It is said concerning the special liquor selling privi lege desired for the week of the trotting meet at Agri cultural park, that "it has been customary In the past for both council and police commissioners to wink at infractions of the liquor ordinances" in such a case. Then stop that winking custom. Better have a "dry" trotting meet than to break the law, particularly to the extent of paßßlngthe 200 x siilopu dead lhia EOS ANGELES " HERALD! THURSDAY MORNING. J.UNB Is, 190* A RUSSIAN-JAPANESE PERIL? lath* great g&rn* of aggrandizement -which Uhs leading powers ot Europe are playing:, Russia probably holds the strongest cards today, That la apparently an untenable conclusion, of course. Russia has ceased to bo a naval power and Its military strength hat been shorn. But a navy lg only a matter of time and money, and military strength will survive a clip ping, as Samson demonstrated long ago. The quick re covery of tho United States from the effects of the Civil War, and tho equally quick revival of France from the German conquest a few years later. Illustrate the re cuperatire power of a great nation after even the most exhausting defeat. The acutenesa of Russian diplomacy is proverbial among the nations. Assuming that a clear opportunity Is presented for winning by diplomacy what has been lost by war, Is it not likely that Russia will avail itself of the chance? Russia sees now that In order to win ultimately In the game which It has played to the limit, It must culti vate the friendship of Japan. There la no reason why the present belligerents might not become good com* rades in the near future, or at least good enough to pull together for their mutual Interests. In cases, of conflict between Individuals the thrasher and the thrashee often become the best of friends. Suppose that Russia and Japan now perceive that their mutual Interests would be subserved by working in harmony. In considering that proposition there ; are strong favorable points on both sides. Russia has not a real friend among all the powers of Europe. Its ally, France, cares nothing for Russia beyond the point of protection against Germany and Great Britain. Russia is shut out completely from expansion in Europe, and its only hope of extension in Asia depends upon cordial re lations with Japan. And what would there be for Japan as a result of such relations with Russia? The Japanese are eager to be come in fact what they have been familiarly dubbed, "the Yankees of the orient." They are rapidly becoming a manufacturing nation, and their statesmen see that in the future Japan may be to the east what the United States is to the west as a source of supply. Half the In habitants of the earth are within commercial touch of Ja pan. What that means to a nation marked by Japan's amazing evolution may be Imagined. With Russia and Japan pulling together, Chinese control would be gradually absorbed by them, and the European powers that have made a good start in carv ing up the celestial land would be given notice to "move on." And with a combination of Russia, Japan and China they would be obliged to move. In attempt ing to maintain their present hold In China the Euro pean powers would be handicapped as Russia has been, by the long distance from their bases. Friendly relations between Russia and Japan are a necessity to the former, and they offer immense possi bilities to the latter. Japan's appetite for aggrandize ment has been whetted to a sharp edge by its warlike success, and its statesmen, like those of Russia, are keenly alert for grasping an opportunity. DELETERIOUS TABLE DELICACIES After reading of certain revelations in Los Angeles, can there be any wonder that flippant foreign observers call Americans "a nation of dyspeptics"? We not only cram our stomachs everlastingly with stuffs that are normally Injurious, but we consume kinds that are "doctored" to the extent of being acces sory to unconscious suicide. It is not strange, in the light of chemical disclosures Just made officially in this city, that so large a percentage of Americans Is afflicted with all sorts of torments resulting from rebellion on the part of outrageously abused stomachs. It is only surprising that a considerable class of our people have any stomachs left that are capable of doing their nat ural duty, even in dyspeptic fashion. The Los Angeles city chemist is paving the way for Eharp enforcement by the authorities of such pure food laws as we have. Following his discoveries in liquor abominations, he took up the investigation of certain table delicacies that are universally in vogue here. Jel lies, jams, condiments and the like were subjected to chemical tests, with results calculated to remove all doubt about the causes of indigestion and chronic dys pepsia "In our midst." It must not be understood, of course, that all the jams, jellies and such that grace our tables are perilous to health. Sound fruits, treated without harmful adult erants, are wholesome. But it seems that a considerable percentage of such preparations consumed in this city is grossly adulterated. Tho claim is made by some local manufacturers of such delicacies that the adulterants are not harmful, and that it is necessary to use such as are employed in order to compete with manufacturers abroad. Every reasonable protection should be given to home indus tries, but the line must be drawn when it comes to tak ing any health risk for the sake of cheapening the price of a commodity. The pure food reform has made a good start and it should be prosecuted until not a harmfully adulterated article of human consumption will be purchasable in Los Angeles. INORDINATE SMOKING HABIT While Los Angeles Is agitated over the liquor drink ing habit, certain northern communities are alarmed about the rapid spread of the smoking habit throughout California. A San Francisco observer who travels much in the ptatn cays: "No matter where you go, from San Francisco to Slsklyou, you will find dozens of little cigar stores at street corners in addition to the big establishments. There are hundreds of these places now where formerly there were dozens, and it is a sure thing these tobacco dealers would not continue in business unless they made a living." The extent of the smoking habit in Los Angeles is a subject of universal remark on the part of visitors. The spectacle of little cigar shops projected all along the leading business thoroughfares Is something novel to visitors from eastern cities. How Is it possible for the owners of so many such shops to earn a living? That is the question in the stranger's mind after noting the extraordinary number of such places. .But as the Ban Francisco man ■ remarks, tbo little tobacco shops do yield a living. Nor can any fault be found with the owners of them, as the business is law ful and reputable. The numbers of the shops and the magnitude of their business expand in proportion to the demand for the goods kept in stock. 8o long as man kind yearns for liquors and tobacco, just so long will the goods be obtainable. The most objectionable feature of the little tobacco shops that are so numerous in this city is the enticement they offer boys to acquire the tobacco habit, particu larly that of cigarette smoking. But as a liquor drinker will have his grog regardless of all obstacles, so a boy with the smoking propensity will get his "coffin nails" If ha has to-iavado a-cemetery~la.fluest.of them. HELEN 0. PRESTON, ONE OF YESTERDAY'S BRIDES St. Athanasius' church assumed a wondrous garment of fair blossoms and greenery yesterday at the hands of the young women of St. Hilda's guild, In honor of the wedding of Miss Helen Octavlo Preston and Archibald John Dlxon, which was solemnized at 1 o'clock, with Rev. D. 8. McKenzie and Rev. S. S. Sherman officiating. ! The bride, in a pretty gown of white mousellne do sole, with veil falling to the floor, and her maid of honor. Miss Amy Brown, gowned in white and pink, gave the crowning touch to the pretty scene. Mr. Dixon was attended by D. A. Durfee as best man and two young SOCIAL DIARY AND GOSSIP Nuptlal Mass by Bishop Conaty Miss Katherine T. McCormlck and William T. O'Meara of Salt Lake City were married in St. Vibiana's cathedral yesterday morning at 9 o'clock. Bishop Thomas Conaty, assisted by Rev. James A. Reardon, conducted the nuptial mass and the vows were said before an altar banked high with Easter lilies and feathery ferns, forming a fitting background for the bridal party. The bride was gowned In a robe of rich' lace falling over an under robe of white silk and chiffon and a long tulle veil was caught In colls of dark hair. Easter lilies arranged in a sheaf formed her bouquet. Her maid of honor, Miss Mayme Toung, wore blue messallne richly trimmed with duchesse lace and her bouquet was in tho shower effect, composed of bride roses and pink tulle. Mr. O'Meara was attended by his brother, M. J. O'Meara, also of Salt Lake. The -wedding march from "Lo hengrin" was played as the party ap proached the altar and at the conclu June 15 in the World's History 2389 Battle of Kossova (Ottoman wars) between the Turks under Mu- ' rad I and the combined army of the Servians, Bosnians and Al- • banians under Lazar, despot of Servia. The Turks gained a sig- J nal victory, though Murad was mortally wounded in the battle.. This success secured the Turkish domination over Servia and the i ! neighboring states. ) 1580 Battle of Hardenberg (Netherlands war of independence) between • the Dutch patriots under Count Philip Hohenlo, and the Royalists j under Martin Schenck. Fatigued by a long march the patriots J were no match for- Schenck's fresh troopB, and after an hour's • ! fighting were broken and almost annihilated. * i 1794 — A memorable eruption of Mount Vesuvius. . lgO4 — Napoleon, appreciating the power of the press, not only in France, * but in Holland, put its management under the French police. ' i jgn a marine volcano burst through the sea in forty fathoms of water i | at the west end of St. Michaels, one of the Azores, about three ' miles from land. ■ 1823 The pope annulled all restrictions and restored Jews as well an j ! Christians of all Protestant denominations to the full enjoyment of jj their former privileges. 1 1852 — Queen Victoria issued a proclamation against "Roman Catholic \ \ ecclesiastics wearing the habits of their order, exercising the rites . ' and ceremonies of the Roman Catholic religion in highways and < \ places of public resort." \ • 1862 — Battle of Secessionvllle. Six thousand federal troops under Gen. « Benham attacked the strong position of Secessionville, covering the ] ! road to Charleston, which was held by 2000 confederates under , 1 Uen. Evans. The federals were repulsed with a loss of 600 men; < ; confederate loss, 200. ] i 1864 — Battle of Petersburg, Va. Gen. Beauregard, with 8000 men, was J ' charged with the defense of Petersburg, and at the same time had <j ', to contain Gen. Butler at Bermuda Hundred. His entrenchments '\ ' before Petersburg were attacked on the 16th by Gen. Smith, and a <j [ position of the first line carried. On ihe 16th Beauregard withdrew 1 ■ the force masking Bermuda Hundred and concentrated his troops jj ' in front of Petersburg, but after holding out till the afternoon, a • ', panic seized the defenders and they were driven from the first line. *! • Beauregard, however, rallied them and retook the entrenchments. I, ' During the night he withdrew to a second and stronger line of de- •■ ', fenses, and on the 17th and 18th repulsed, with terrible slaughter, J ' all the efforts of the federals to carry it. . | ixt;4 A $75,000,000 war loan was floated by the United States at an jj • average premium of 4 V4 to 5. < • 1868 The railway for locomotives across the Alps over Mount Cents 4 ', Is opened for traffic. * > 1869— Great peace Jubilee held at Boston. Colossal concert of 10,371 « I voices, 1094 instruments, with anvils, bells, etc.. began. ', iggg xhe forts of Calmanera were bombarded by the warships Texas, J 1 Marblehead and Buwanee. The firing began at 2:08 o'clock, and at j :t the forts and batteries were destroyed. The transport ships* 1 China, Colon, Zealandla and Senator, carrying 4200 men, under . ' command of Gen. V. V. Greene, sailed from San Francisco for Manila. • I igo3 Prince Peter Karageorgevltch accepted the crown of b'orvla on ' 1 condition that the murderers of the late king and queen be exiled. < 1 1904—The excursion steamer General Slocum, having on board a Sun- ; > day school picnic, burned in the East river, New York, aud over 1000 ' per»oiib, mainly women aud children, lost their lives. women in dresses of blue organdie, who acted as ushers, were Misses Alyce Martin and Gladys Wilkinson. Mrs. Deerlng Alfredson, played the wedding marches. At the home of the bride's parents, Mr. and Mrs. J. E. Preston, at 822 Waterloo street, the wedding break fast was served In a room dainty with pink sweet peas and asparagus plu , moans. Ferns suspended from a wed ding bell of sweet peas formed a can opy over the bride's table. Mr. and Mrs. Dixon have gone north for a wed ding trip, and upon their return will be at home at 123 West Avenue Thir ty-three. . '; ■. slon of the ceremony Mendelssohn's march was played. After the wedding a reception was held at the home of the bride's uncle and aunt, Mr. and Mrs. Patrick J. McCormick of 906 South Eonnle Brae street. Here as in the church the Easter lilies were prominent in the decorative scheme; throughout the reception halls and library they were arranged In graceful baskets. In the dtning room, where the wedding breakfast was served, similar baskets were arranged and suspended over the bride's table was a canopy of asparagus plumosus. During the reception hours Mrs. J. M. Jones gave a program of harp music. One of the features to be regretted about the wedding iis that it takes another one of the popular young women of Los Angeles away. Mr. and Mrs. O'Meara will make their home in Salt Lake City. Buffet Luncheon and Tea In honor of her daughter, Miss Helen Wells, Mrs. A. G. "Wells of 2627 Ellen dale place entertained with a buffet luncheon and tea yesterday afternoon. Pink and gold were the colors used In an effective floral decoration. Re ceiving with Mrs. Wells were her mother and sister, Mrs. J. F. Barnard and Miss Barnard. Assisting them were Mesdames Oltn Welborn, Enoch Knight, Willoughby Rodman, Lynn Helm, Scott Helm, It. A. Wells, Bur OVERSTOCKED • Piano Sale • The Best Bargains Are Going Rapidly Each hour you delay leatens the aa- -s2assszSm~d^Uhm*i Bortment from which to choose; Tf 1 Jfj each day «ees the) beat bargains II I <itfVi Il| snapped up by foreslghted people. H Lii«^sZ2lS««»««Mßj 8 If you have thfl Bllßhte«t notion of Jsmmmmammmmmmm^imm^mLM buying a piano, and regard the Bar* * J * T7^**~^^^^^)j\ Ing of $50 to $150 on your purchase L bs an Bdvuntaßo, w« strorißly iirgo 'K^ ic-mrna , ■ - iihferwi< MkaaWl you to coma NOW. when Stelnway, flj I • ■ ,1* j Kranlch ft Bach, Emerson and nth- Ml I er of the pianos with whose names II I . you're been familiar all your life, JL — . iiTT""*"*"' ' nre nollitiK from $50 tn $150 loan ILJi ■jiy, than regular price* — on the easiest <*■»- ' «>QJ possible payments. Cecilian Recital Today, at 3 P. M. Come, and Bring Your Friends PROGRAM 1. Grand Polonaise Brilliant, Op. 22— Allegro Molto .'.Chopin Cecilian. 2. In a Persian Garden (Ahl Fill the Cup) Lehman Ernest R. Leeman, Tenor. 3. (a) La Fontalna Lyiberg Cecilian. (b) Lea Hlrondeltes, Valse Caprice Q. Baohmann Cecilian Piano. 4. Since I First Met Thee Rubinstein Mr. Leeman. 6. Passing Thoughts, No. 2 : B. O. Klein Cecilian. 6. Salut a Pesth, March Hongrolse Kowalskl Cecilian. Geo. J. IBirßel Co. . 345-34? South Spring Street* ton Green, Dan Murphy, Wesley Clark, John J. Byrne, Horace Wing, Elbert Wing, Joseph B. Banning, R. H. Ingram. W. W. Lovett, Albert Crutcher, Samuel T. Clover, C. D. Viele, Dwlght Whiting. Cliff Page, Cosmo Morgan, Miss Wing and the Misses Ryan. Young women who assisted In pour ing the tea were Misses Edith Her ron, Guendolln Laughlin, Katherine Clark, Kate Van Nuys, Mary Hub bell, Lois Chamberlain, Katherine Bas ford, Susie Carpenter and Gertrude King. For Bride-to-Be Miss Edith H. Osborhe of 401 West Twenty-third Street entertained with a hearts party yesterday afternoon, in honor of Miss Lois Narver, who will marry Sherrlll Osborne August 2. Both young women are Stanford ' girls and many of their classmates were among the guests. Pink and white blossoms and greenery were combined In the decorations throughout the house and on the reranda where the card tables were arranged and the refreshments served. . The guests included: Mrs. William Snyder and Misses Maud Simmons, Myrtle Tlmmons, Bertha Jones, Lil lian Montague, Lucy Robinson, Eth 'elyn Walker, Margaret Robinson, Ada Devendorf, Iva Miller, Josephine Dil lon, Edith Copeland of Seattle, Nlta Mills, Louise Mills, Ruth Verger, Flor ence Foy, Regina Martz, Louise Mas teller, Mary Bernard, Marie Rlordan, Reba Smith, Betty Belle Hotchklss, Elizabeth Hutton, Beatrice Snow, Mar gie Howell, Madge Hilton, Josephine Lewis, Maria Gavagan, Stevenson, Ruth Binder, Bessie Hillyer, Allle Tot tenham, Augusta Llstz and Laura Schrader. -s'\ ;; : Shower and Card Party In honor of Miss May Huston, one of the brides-to-be, Mrs. John Burton Chaff ey of 2315 West Tenth street gave a delightful 'hearts party and china shower yesterday afternoon. A pretty little remembrance from the girl friends of Miss* Huston was a doll's trunk filled with dainty bits of linen. Cupids and hearts were predominant ir. the decorative scheme, as well as in prizes and score cards. The guests were Mesdames Walter J. Wrenn, Charles H. Treat, Raymond Chase, Lillian Fuller, George Chaffey, A. T. McCord, E. L. Prescott, Locke, George Houston, Dudley Fulton, Clifford Hoag, Herbert Leslie Harris, R. D. Newby, Dr. Helen Woodrufte. Misses Chelle Huston, Mary Bradshaw, Adelaide Jones, Mary Patterson, Mlna Patter son, Anna Lewis, Lillian Brown, Fanny Dexter, Clara Ilelntz. Lizzie Lewis, Louise Payne, Edna Wy rnan, Edna Dlckenson, Katherlne Tar nell, Helman, Callle Coster, Minnie Gifford and Louise Gifford. Jolly Class Supper Members of the sophomore class of Occidental enjoyed ft reunion last even ing before taking on the burden of Junior duties. The thirty members were entertained at supper at the home of Miss Mary Schoonover on Pasadena avenue, and later attended in a body the farce presented by the seniors. At the conclusion of supper a program of toasts was given with the class presi dent, Robert Clelland, as toastmaster and plans for class work during the coming year were discussed. Episcopal Convocation The convocation of the Episcopal churches of Los Angeles opened last evening at the Church of the Epiphany, East Los Angeles. Bishop Johnson and Rev. Henry I* Badger of Pomona made addresses on "The Missionary Spirit in Parochial Life." Special muelo was rendered by the vested choir. Sessions will be held today, with a banquet In the evening, followed by a missionary conference. The woman's auxiliary will hold a separate meeting in the parish hall. St. Mary's Commencement Graduating «xerCißes of Bt. Mary's academy will b* held at Father Meyer Memorial hall at 2:30 o'clock on the afternoon of Wednesday, June 31. < O-iIMCs iuu lnlCHk-lIDS it Tips We tip the porter for a berth Upon the Pullman car: We tip the barber for a shave, The man behind the bar. We tip the bellboy at the inn; The baggage-smasher, too; We tip the waiter, good and hard, And cabbie, ero wore through. We tip the bootblack for a shine. The newsle gets his rate- Must we tip old St. Peter, when We reach the Golden Gate? There Is a sewer pipe trust and a lead pipe trust and a wrought Iron pipe trust, but the dream-pipe Is still free from mo nopoly. Admiral Nebogatoflt has refused a pa role. His name should be "Nevergetoff." He knows a good place to light. Miss Poppy— Can that parrot talk? Mr. Dazy— Talk? Lady, you'd think h« was brung up In a op'ry house box! . Thla Is the Mississippi idea of a good negro, as gleaned from the Bunflower Pensee: "Poor old Jake Williams passed In his checks last week. He was an ex ceptionally good darkey. He came here from the penitentiary In 1889." • ''■' '*■>*■,[ Perhaps It Is Just as well to forget that the late Paul Jones was once an officer. In the Russian navy. But he left It early, before he was seriously handicapped. And there was no Togo In those days. I Could the grower who originated a black rose be accused of ragtime horti culture? "Are you fond of the airs called popular? I *' ABked the man of no coin, but nerve; "My favorite sort are,: the million-aires," 1 She replied. No cards, observe. Kansas City boasts that King Alfonso heard of that town before Bllzabeth Parkinson, .Its fair daughter, sang for him in London last week. Probably. Didn't, that embalmed beef in the Span ish war come from Kantas City? The lower house of the proposed Rus sian legislature will be called the "Gosu darstvennala Duma." No wonder it haa such a hard time getting together. On Sunday, in Missouri, they call their governor Joseph "Waterwagon" Polk—, when they don't say worst things of him. Miss Pineapple— Her stories are as up; to dato as her gowns. Mrs. Orange— How low tiey must be! ■ They are a sensible people, the Chines*, after all. Any man caught wearing yel low ahoes In the Flowery Kingdom Is de capitated without further ceremony. And yet we make them the fasiion! -.••'.' Twice now, the Chanute. (Kas.) Blade has mourned because "the fire boys, equipped with a new cnglnp and freshly, painted ladders, have responded to fire' alarms, only to find them false." Chance for Lucifer there. After Russell Sage shakts hands, he counts his fingers, to see If they are all there. Yet Uncle Russ i&ya he isn't close-fisted. | We have the seedless orange and the -spineless cacti, too; The vlneless new potato also bursts upon the view; The thornleßS rose is coming, and tha porkless bean's In sight — Now give to us the foodlepn breakfast and we'll be all right! J| — — j j Durham, the late Philadelphia boss, has changed his name from Israel ("lizy" for short). He la now known , as "Wutry." ,| The Standard Oil company has bought a large forest In West Virginia. | But no one suspects that It le preparing to "taka to the woods" Just yet. "Couldn' Sleep a-Talll" Couldn' slfep this mornln' Later 'n the sun; Had t" git in sooner. 'N I'd ouihter done; liv'ry tree In' rose-bush Was ullvo'llh noise- Troops <>' birds a-slngin': "Come on Jut, you boys!" Mockln' blrdi was whlstlln" A' most likak band; Blackbirds chfpln' gaily Bongs I counn' stand! Wrapped up liith" covers; Dldn' drown th' call— Couldn' sleep tils mornln' ' % Coudn' sleep 4-U11! •-••••■' •••,'