VIRGINIA'S CURL PAPERS
COAXING HUBBY: A ONE ACT PLAY
To bo played with spirit, yet at the
same lime discretion. Not to lie overdone.
Persons— Mr. and Mrs. Theodore. Uiglow.
a young couplo who havo been married
Costumes— A particularly frilly tea
kowii on the part of one, velvet smoklnjf
jacket on the part of other.
Scene— The "den" of a modern apart
ment. Though r.ot extravagant every
thing cozy Rnd snug A tablo with books,
reading lamp, a conch with cushions,
bookcases, small tabourette, with sewing
basket and letter In feminine hnpd lying
on top of basket. A mantol with clock,
AS curtain rises Mr. Blglow is seen
sitting at table, In glow of lamp,
reading a book in which he seems
Mrs. Biglow, a short distance away,
Is making an effort to sew, but every
now and then she puts work down and
gazes pensively into space. At last
she breaks silence, speaking In a soft,
Mrs. B.— Theodore?
Mrs. B.— Theo?
Mrs. B.— Teddy?
Still no answer.
Mrs. B.— Teddy, dear?
Mr. B. (without looking up from
book)— Well, what?
Mrs. B. (with sweet reproach) — Well,
Mr. B. (glancing up momentarily)—
Mrs. B. (putting head on one side and
looking at him archly)— Well, what?
Right and Wrong Way to Use the Telephone: How Lazy People Make Talking Hard for Others
THK, gentle art of telephoning is still
an accomplishment because few
people regard knowledge of the
right way to telephone as a necessary
part of thPir education. Yet nohing Is
more highly appreciated in these busy
days than ability to keep conversation
flowing smoothly over the wires. To
telephone properb' is "as easy as falling
off a log" when you know how, and it
can be learned without much trouble.
Just keep a few simple rules in mind
and see what a difference they make.
A few years ago the directions in the
telephone book were that you should
speak in an ordinary conversational
tone with the mouth about three inches
from the transmitter. Nowadays, how
ever, when the transmitter has been
brought to practical perfection, you
should do nothing of the sort. The
way to use the present type of transmit
ter is to place the lips within half an
Inch of the mouthpiece and speak in a
considerably lower tone than you or
dinarily use in face-to-face conversa
The reason for this is simple and is
worth understanding. Just behind the
mouthpiece is an aluminum diaphragm
backed with a very thin sheet of hard
carbon. Between this sheet of carbon
and the points of contact of the wires
is a space filled with finely powdered
carbon. The sound waves of the voice
make the aluminum diaphragm vibrate,
and this in turn affects the carbon
sheet which stirs the granulated carbon
behind it. The electrical current that lv
passing through the carbon powder
feels . all these vibrations, however
slight, and reproduces them in the re
ceiver at the other end of the line,
setting in motion sound waves corre
sponding to those in the transmitter.
If you "shout at" the transmitter thn
Vibrations may be so violent as to result
in only a confusing jumble at the other
end of the wire. . .
It was possible to stand farther away
from the old fashioned transmitter and
speak through it because that was ex
tremely "mlcrophonic;" that Is to say,
it would pick up every little sound tbat
Mr. B. (puts fingers between pages of
book to mark place and smiles humor
ingly at wife)— Well, what, my dear?
Mrs. B. (making a little cuddling
movement to Bhow her satisfaction)—
That is the way to address a wife, sir.
Please to remember.
Mr. B. — I know, but the secret service
man is just on the point of catching the
gentleman burglar by the coat tails,
and four women are fainting on the
stairs, while the villain is coming
through the ceiling!
Mrs. B. — I wish you didn't care so
much for detective stories, Teddy. You
forget the very existence of your wife
when you are reading them, and she
likes to be remembered occasionally,
poor, neglected little thing! (Assumes
a pathetic air and' folds hands meekly
in lap.) ....
Mr. B. (puts book resolutely on-tabla
after marking place with a card)—
Now, honey, you know you're not neg
lected. Whatever put such a notion in
Mrs. B. (glancing up at mantel)—
You haven't spoken to me for fully
twenty minutes by the clock— twenty
minutes; think of that! There was a
time (insinuatingly) when you couldn't
wait twenty minutes without speaking
to me, Teddy.
Mr. B. — Silence is golden, my dear;
have you not learned that?
Mrs. B.— Not a silence of twenty min
utes — that Is leaden.
Mr. B. (laughing)— Well, Lou, if you
came its way. This excesslveness was
one of the things that set the Bell en
gineers at work devising an improve
ment. The old type of instrument not
only took In the voice when It was not
very "near but also gathered in many
The "quality" of a person's voice
makes much difference in how distinctly
he or she may be heard- over- the tele
phone. What the essential qualities of
a good telephone voice are even the
engineers cannot say exactly. Persons
who ar« easy to understand in conver
sation are sometimes quite difficult to
understand over a telephone, and the
opposite is equally true. Apparently a
woman's voice comes over the wire
more clearly than a man's, and the In
ference is that a man should pitch his
voice a little higher than he ordinarily
would. Certainly everyone should
speak distinctly, should avoid talking
"in the throat" or "through the nose,"
and even should make an effort to
"eject" the voice from the mouth as
elocutionists and lecturers do.
If you hear a telephone man talking
by wire you will notice, that he drawls
his words a little — not enough to make
conversation noticeably slow, but suffi
ciently so that one word is started on
Its way before another can tread on its
heels. Clipping words, which Is some
times done under the impression that
it gives them a sharper sound, is a
Listening at the telephone Is; natur
ally, a simple enough proposition,
though there are some peculiarities
about that part of a long distance con
versation. It Is a- well known fact that
a person who is deaf can hear what is
said through the telephone very much
better than ordinary conversation. Peo
ple whose hearing Is normal acquire
the habit of instinctively "listening '
with one ear," while they aro at the
telephone; generally one whose hearing
Is somewhat affected will do better to
close the ear that Is not covered by the
receiver. The Bell companies have sub
scribers to whom they furnish special
instruments with two receivers so that
one may be held at each ear, but these
are used only in very exceptional cases.
LOS ANGELES HERALD SUNDAY SUPPLEMENT.
are never neglected longer than twenty
minutes in your life I don't think you
will have much to complain about.
Now, may I get back to my burglar,
please? (Looks longingly at book and
stretches a finger or two, tentatively,
Mrs. B.— Oh, if your burglar is of
more importance than your wife
(She looks angelically injured.)
Mr. B.— Oh, I say, darling (pushes
book further out of reach, you know
the burglar doesn't live who Is of half
the Importance of my wife. But what
did you wish to say to me? Anything
Mrs. B.— l wanted to tell you how
particularly handsome you are looking
tonight— so striking— so— so— unusually
striking. The lamplight falling on your
hair brings out all the warm autumnal
tints— rich browns— not reds, for' there
are no reds in your hair, Teddy— but
just mellow russets and that sort of
thing. I am so glad you are not bald.
11l fact, I am glad you are not any of
the things you're not, for you are an
exceedingly handsome man as you
■Mr. B.— Compliments are flying thick
and fast this evening. How much does
this, cost me, darling? (slips hands into
pockets and jingles coin suggestively.)
Mrs. B. (gazing at him with unutter
able reproach)-r-Theodore, how can you
say such a thing? How. can you even
think of such a Ching?
Mr. B. — I haven't been married for
two years for nothing.
Mrs. B.— You are entirely mistaken.
I don't want anything at all. J (cornea
over and Sits on arm of. his chair) — I
frimply wanted to tell you how much I
admire you and how becoming the
lamplight is to you (runs fingers
through his hair, making it. stand up
in a bristling pompadour)— some wo
men, you know, don't admire their hus
bands at all, and think every other
man who comes along more attractive.
But I am not like that. I think there's
Wrong Way to Telephone. Shows Indifference
The Expert Never Does This; the Lazy Man Does
no one like my hubby, and that no one
else could touch him In a hundred
years. (She slips her arm about his
neck and lays her cheek fondly against
him.) I am glad I didn't marry my old
beau, Willie Weston— yes— really, aw
fully glad— delighted, in fact— though,
of course, he, poor fellow, will never
get over the blow and perhaps I was
just a little cruel to him. But after
two years I can say. Give me Theodore
Blglow, or give me Death!
Mr. B. — You flatter me, madam.
Mrs. B.— l don't. I am simply honest.
Theo, tell me, If I were going to give
you a nice present — a very nice pres
ent — what would you like? A beautiful
driving coat? A gold cigar cutter
mention something you would like.
Mr. B.— Are you contemplating giving
me a nice present? - - . .- •-,',:
Mrs. B. — All presents- are. nice, don't
Mr. B. (aside)— Now we're coming to
it! (Aloud)— l shouldn't, want any pres
ent at all unless I felt that you were
fully able to give it- to me, my dear. ■
Mrs. B. (a little absently)— Urn —ah,
yes — of, course!. (Relapses Into silence.
Mr, B. — Well, Lou, what are ■ you
thinking about? ; ' . ■• .
Mrs. B. .(collecting herself and rest-
Ing arms directly 'on taprof his head)—
I had a letter from Myra Gordon to
day. ... .
Mrl' B.— Yes?
Mrs. B.— Yes, I will read it to you.
(Goes over to tabourette and gets let
ter from basket, sits back in chair she
first occupied and reads.) "Dear Lulu
— Hope you and Theodore are well.
Lovely weather; baby two teeth; Rob
bie just starting to school; painters on
third flOor.'"' How Myra does go 6n
about her own affairs!. Never anything
but I, I, I all the way through! Couldn't
you tell she. lived in the suburbs? Let's
see, what else does she say? (Looks
surprised and reads) — "Charles has just
given me a new Persian lamb jacket— a
perfect beauty, with chinchilla revers.
They are nil the go, my dear, and so
becoming! I am just Dining for the
first frost to wear it. I know I shall
create a sensation when I appear in
it. It makes your husband look so
prosperous and successful to be giving
you Persian lamb Jackets! As a matter
of fact, Charles got it at the greatest
bargain. It seems that a man from
Canada brought the furs over on a spe
cial order, but some of the people
changed their minds and he was left
with two or three coats on his hands.
He is positively giving them away —
only ninety-nine dollars, brocade lin
ing and all— and Charles did not think
he could possibly let such an oppor
tunity go by. You know, I suffer so
with the cold in winter, and a fur coat
is such a good investment. It will last
a lifetime. ' Why don't you get Theo
dore to"— what is this? I don't think
I can quite make it out; Myra's writ
ing is so funny at times! (turning page
hastily). "I must close now as the
Pearsalls have come to take me out in
their new. auto. Although only Sep
tember, there is quite a little nip In the
air, and perhaps I can wear my Persian
lamb jacket. There is nothing like a
fur coat for automoblllng. Give my
love to your mother when you write
and remember us both most kindly to
Theodore. Always your loving Myra."
(Sits with letter open In hand, looking
Mr. B. — So that Is It; you want a
Persian lamb jacket, with chinchilla
Mrs. B. (briskly) — Theo! The very
Right Way to Telephone
I The telephone companies are trying,
with the co-operation of subscribers, to
' establish a universal method of making
and answering calls, which will do
much toward saving time. Whon
"Central" Is asked for a number It is
the almost universal custom to give
the name of the exchange first und
the number of the telephone you wish
second. This Is the practice nearly
everywhere in the west, and in the ma
jority of places In the east, though it
varies with different localities.
In cities wherfl there are several
central offices the calls from one dis
trict to another are "trunked," Is it is
called. The girl who answers your
call, if . the message Is to pass to an
other "Central," must ask ft special
operator there to assign a trunk lino
for your special use. This arrange
ment is made over one of a large
group of "order circuits", from which
Virginia Niles Leeds
Idea! I wouldn't have such a thing!
How could you possibly think of it! I
rruch prefer my last year's brown cloth
jacket, although a very severe winter
Mr. B. (looking surprised)— What,
my dear; you wouldn't have a Persian
Mrs. B. (emphatically)— Certainly
not. I wouldn't permit my husband to
go to such extravagance. I am sur
prised at Myra. She will ruin Charles!
Mr. B.— You really mean it, Lou;
you don't want a Persian lamb jacket?
Not even if I wanted to make you a
nice present? You didn't read me
Myra's letter as a hint?
Mrs. B.— Theodore, you insult me! If
I thought you had any such notions
I should never read you any of my
letters again. To think of you, believ
ing your wife a designing woman! I
think I shall have to go back to papa
(covers face with hands and weeps).
Mr. B.'— But, my dear; if I Insisted
upon your having the jacket?
Mrs. B.— l should refuse absolutely!
Don't speak of such a thing, when you
need a new . encyclopedia and your
mother's portrait is only waiting to be
framed! I must beg of you, Theodore,
not to suggest anything whatsoever for
me until those wants are attended to.
Let us say no more about the jacket
or Myra's tetter. (Takes up sewing and
begins stitching vigorously.) Do go
back to your burglar, in whom you are
so much interested.
Mr. B.— Bother burglars! (Takes up
the operator must select the particu
lar one you require. The moment's
difference that it makes If she has to
wait until you give the number before
sho knows which central office is
wanted is one of those almost in
finitesimal delays which, in the aggre
gate, mean hours and days and per
haps months of time lost for several
million subscribers each year.
For the sake of accuracy it Is al
ways better to "spell out" a number.
That is to say. instead of calling for
"Main, eleven forty-seven," you should
tell "Central" that you wish "Man,
one-one-four-seven," or "Main, double
one-four-seven," which avoids nny pos
sibility of confusion in the sound of
eleven and seven. For a similar rea
son telephone engineers have adopted
the letter "o" as the name for the
cipher. Many people call it "nnught,"
which generally becomes "aught" and
spoken indistinctly may get mixed up
with eight. In whatever way the sub
scriber gives the number the operator
is obliged to repeat it spelled out, so
I that she may be sure there Is no mis
If some mathematician who had noth
ing better to do would figure out how
many years are lost every twelve
months in the United States by people
saying "Hollo" unnecessarily, the sum
would probably be startling. The com
panies dropped "Hello" from their vo
cabulury years ago. It was not neces
sary and the operator now gets down to
business without any formality by in
quirins simply "Number?" It is a
waste of your time and of hers to go
through the form of saying, "Hello,
Central! Oive me Main two-fourteen."
She, and the management, and every
other subscriber who may be waiting
while you are talking will thank you
if you will say simply, "Main, two-one
The best way to answer the telephone
when the bell rings is just to repeat
your number. Then, whoever Is at the
other end of the line knows whether he
has the right number and will waste no
time about correcting the . mistake If
he happens to have made a wrong call.
Briefly, the rule should be to llnd out
book and pitches it across room.) I
loathe detective stories! (Comes over
and sits on arm of her chair.) Lou,
darling, I want you to have that coat.
In fact, I insist upon It. As Myra says,
it gives a husband a prosperous air to
be presenting his wife with fur Jack
ets, and Charles Gordon needn't think
he can get ahead of me! If It's going
to be a severe winter I don't want my
precious little wlfey to be cold, so
whether you want it or not you are
to have the Persian lamb, and you
must write at once and get the address
of the man from Myra.
Mrs. B. (resting her head against his
shoulder)— Teddy, you are so good to
me; you will spoil me, I fear.
Mr. B.— Not at all, darling. I could
never abide a wife who wormed things
out of her husband or who hinted.
But it is a real pleasure to give to tha
little woman who never asks for any
thing and who actually refuses a Per
sian lamb jacket!
(They rise and come to center of
stage, Joining hands.)
Mrs. B. (aside)— He must never know
how he has been worked for this, poor,
Mr. B. (aside) — She must never know
that I intended to give her that coat
from the start — poor, innocent lass!
Mrs. B. (aloud)— What a thing It la
to have an indulgent hubby!
Mr. B. (aloud)— And what a thing to
have an undesigning little wifeyl
that you have the right number, then
to ascertain to whom you are speaking,
and finally to let him know just who
you are before you begin conversation.
Generally that can be done In half a
dozen words; there is nothing more an
noying as every busy man knows than
to have the cheerful Inquiry come over
voice?" or "Don't you recognize my
voice?" or "Dan't you know who this
One of the minor complications of
telephony which may sometimes be a
considerable annoyance comes from In
terruptions to conversation which the
subscriber is likely to call "getting cut
off." AVhen you are called to the tele
phone and the connections is unex
pectedly broken, hang up your receiver
and wait. The man who was talking
with you may have called you from his
own office or someone's else or from his
house or from a pay station; nine times
out of ten you don't know which. Con
sequently, you can't call him and It
does no good to signal "Central" re
peatedly and to dispute with her about
what has become of him. Ho knows
your number perfectly well or he could
not have called you. If the conversa
tion is broken oft before It is finished
he can very easily call you again. If
you are complaining to "Central" when
he tries to get you back on the line, of
course your line will be reported busy
and then there is a further delay.
As they broiled the fresh trout over
the birch coals they told fish stories. .
"Brown, down In Jersey," said a tall
old man, "one day fished a likely look-
Ing pond for three hours for perch
without getting a single rise.
"There was a little farmer , boy
watched him most of the time, and
finally, when his patience was about
exhausted, Brown said querulously .to
"Are there any fish In this pond at
" 'If there Is any,' the boy answered,
'they must be , awful small, . sir;", for
there was no water here till It rained
yesterday,' 'V-M.lnn,eßPQllj journal. \
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