Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel], October 28, 1906, Page 4, Image 14

About Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911

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4
ILOS ANGELES HERALD
nr tiim iißnAt.n company
TBAfIK O, FIKI,\YI»«»>......rte«M«-«'
Bonr, m. > o«T....i:.iM«ri«i Na««c«f
>. H,IAyBHTr,,.,.Bii»I»nM Mmiiurt
S OLDEST MOHNINO PAPER IN
IX>B ANQEL.E&
rnnnrfUrt Opt, fl, 1M» Thlrty-f nnrlh Year.
i Chamber of c«mni»rpf Ittillrtlnv.
'TELEPHONES — SurtMt. PreM 11.
Rome. The ttirnlii.
*•■* The only Democratic newip*p«r in
Southern California receiving th* full
AnonclnteO ProM reports. ,
" NRWS SKltVlCE— Mrmber of the As
sociated Press, receiving Its full re
prt^veiraglntf_2B,ooO_words a day;
» EASTERN AGENT — .1. P. MeKlnney.
let Potter building, N«w York, Sli
Boyte building, Chicago.
I RATES OF SUBSCniTTION WITH
SUNDAY MAOAZINH:
Pally, by carrier, per month I .Jf
, Pallr. by mail, three months..... 1.9S
Dully, by mall, six m0nth5..... ... 3.9 V
bally, by mall, one year 7. 50
Bundny Herald, by mall, one year. . 8.50
Weekly HaraM. by mall, one year. 1.00
Entered at I'ostotlloo. lx>s Angtiles. as
6econd-claß9 matter.
THE HERALD IN SAN FRANCISCO
AND OAKLAND — Los Angeles and
1 Southern California visitors to Sun
Francisco and Oakland will find The
Herald on eale nt the news stand* In
the San Francisco ferry building and
on the street* in Oakland by When tlcy
and by Amos News Co.
Population of Los Angeles. 25 1 .463
I San Francisco now reaps the whirl-
Wind.
Bell cornea Saturday. Hold your en
thusiasm till then. ;.
You don't hear Bell's name connected
With Ruef's, do you?
"Glllctt and Abe Ruefs pardon."—
The new Republican ticket.
. Ruef and Gillett;" Hearst and Herrin.
California's quartet of disgraces.
Huef is Gillett's political godfather.
He may need Gillett in his business.
Meanwhile . Schmitz enjoys Kurope
and picks out his future home there.
How does Gillett like his main sup
port, Abe Ruef, now?
Gillett owes his nomination to Ruef.
SVUI Ruef owe his pardon. to Gillett?
, Certainly, Abo Ruef helped name Gil
lett. Will Gillett help Ruef, if elected?
Langdon "got his" when he was re
moved, and he had it coming to him,
too.
Only a political boss like Ruef can
have the nerve to prosecute his own
misdeeds.
Hearst helped put Ruef into office.
The yellow boy must bear his share of
tho blame.
Los Angeles has a chance to avoid
San Francisco's fix by voting a non
partisan ticket.
The Snooze has come out against Ben
Ward. Obeying its corporation mas
ters' voice, eh?
'■'■ "Don't talk about that photograph;
it can't be explained.'' Southern Paciflc
machine orders.
The man who abandons his sworn
duties to run after another office is not
fit for it, either.
Yes, the Ruef who helped nominate
Gillett is the same Ruef now in tho
shadow of the law.
The very fact that the corporations
are against Ben "Ward Is his strongest
plea for re-election.
Ruef's main hope now rests upon a
governor. Ruef helped nominate Gil
lett. There you arc.
Bell is free alike i'rom Hearst yel
lows, Southern Paclflc-Ruef contamina
tions and all uncleanness.
Remember, Gillett's hand rests on
Ruef's shoulder, and Huefs freedom,
he hopes, will rest- on Gillett's election.
Langdon Bays he holds the office. If
he had stayed in it instead of chasing
rainbows his occupancy would never
have been questioned.
If Attorney General Webb attended to
San Pedro's interests half as vigorously
as he plays Saa Francisco politics— but
he doesn't.
Langdon'g scheme to become a mar
tyr has petered out. Had he attended
to his duties he wouldn't be In his
present fix.
The Evening Snooze Is fighting Ben
Ward— the only paper that Is. The
corporations are fighting Ben Ward.
Urgo, the corporations own the Snooze.
Can you beat it? •
Charles M. Schwab's proposed Inva
sion of Southern Nevada with a party
of New York capitalists ought to pro
duce splendid results in the develop
ment of this great mining country.
Benjamin Ide Wheeler, one of the
first citizens of California, denounces
hi unmeasured terms the conduct of
civic affairs at San Francisco, in this
he but echoes the sentiment of every
honest man in this stiite, regardless of
politics. But the expression of condem
nation Is only the beginning of wisdom
It will amount to nothing unless it
nhall be followed by the most vigorous
notion. Words are empty without
deeds. We are now In the midst of a
rumpalgn against the bosses and their
graft, not only In Ban "Francisco, but
throughout the 'state. The Republican
machine consist* largely of Abe Ruef
und William F\ Herrin, aided and abet
ted by Hearst and the Southern Pacl
lio railroad. Hhall we rail against Abe
ituff, tho Hun Francisco buns and
Krafts, uuu then votu for Abu ltuef,
ihe Republican ; machine? Thut's tlw
liiuiu question. '
PART if
WHY TOURISTS COHG HERE
When, some six months ago, nn
earthquake, followed by throe dnys of
tiro, put San Frnncltco almost off the
map, together with much of Ita Im*
mediate vicinity, no part of the United
States was more notorious In ita mis
representation*, its exaggeration*,
about all of California nnd especially
nbout Xx>B Angeles and Ita vicinity,
than wns the eastern gulf const, un
less It was Donver. The press, tho
railroads and the public generally
throughout that region descanted
learnedly about the fearful damage to
"California"; about tho danger from
frequent and disastrous 'quakes; about
the peril In which tourists were placed,
and solemnly warned nil who would
flee from the wintry blasts to keep
away from doomed nnd racked Cali
fornia nnd come to Florida,' the only
»afo place on tho globe. .''.?/.
Of course, these ninllcloun self-seek
ers utterly failed to show that the
part of California shaken hnd not been
so visited before in many years; that
It was not tho summer resort nt alt; .
that Southern California, whence the
tourists como by the 100,000 every year,
didn't oven get a quiver nnd never
did; thnt It only know of the 'quake
through regular news service and that
Its attractions for winter visitors were
not changed an lota by the San Fran
claco cataclysm. No; none of this was
mentioned. Becaxiso the earth shiv
ered 600 miles away from the Cali
fornia winter paradise they had fits
of virtuous apprehension for tho many
who find hero surcease from wintry
woes — and begged theso peoplo to turn
their paths toward the miasmatic
swamps, mosquito everglades and yel
low fever regions of Cuba and the gulf
coast.
But "God moves In a mysterious way
his wonders to perform." The yawp
of the southeast coast came too late
to help Its trade last winter, so It has
been reiterating its lies ever since,
anticipating a harvest this winter.
But lo! No sooner does the chill strike
the east and the first snows and bliz
zards visit It— far earlier than ÜBunl,
too — than terrific hurricanes and ty
phoons sweep tho whole gulf coast re
gion. Trees are torn up, boats are
wrecked, towns are swept away, mil
lions of dollars' damage is done and,
worst of all, thousands of lives are
claimed. The whole coast from Gul
veston to Hatteras is torn and terri
fied and more persons aro killed than
were destroyed in all the earthquakes
in California's history! And every day
brings in fresh reports of damages;
every day shows now records of the
dead.
Florida had mendaciously sought to
make capital for itself out of San
Francisco's misfortunes by attributing
the 'quake to Los Angeles, 800 miles
away. It sought to harm Los Angeles'
tourist trade by specious and false
arguments on the undeslrability of an
"earthquake" region as a winter re
sort, knowing full well that no 'quake
occurred here. It tried to perpetrate
a swindle^ on the wlnter-fleclng pop
ulace to its own profit— and, what hap
pened? 1 The worst storm in its his
tory devastates Its coast just at the'
opening of the winter rush and de
spoils it even of Its legitimate share
of the traveling hosts.
"The mills of the gods grind slow
ly," they say, "but they grind exceed
ing fine." Florida and its prevaricat
ing vicinity seem to have been caught
between the upper and the lower mill
stones and it bids fair to be ground
Into powder with all its pretentious
claims.
And meanwhile Southern California,
the real paradise, goes serenely on.
Here are no earthquakes, no typhoons,
no swamps, no cyclones; no miasma,
no mosquitoes; no lightnings and tem
pests, no yellow fever and pestilence;
no tropic hurricanes; no gales. All is
serene, beautiful, sunshiny and happy.
Her hands are extended, full of glo
rious gifts, for all who may wish to
seek here freedom from Floridan woes
and wretchedness or blizzards and
frosts of the north. Serene, glorious,
perfect, undisturbed, she has room and
welcome for all — and more are coming
this year than ever before in history!
WOMAN'S HIGHER SPHERE
Up in Chicago, the- town of freaks,
lately ono Miss Elizabeth Magic, an
office girl, publicly offered to sell her
self to tho highest bidder among the
men— for why? Because she was
aweary of the ceaseless grind of pound
ing a typewriter, which she pictur
esquely described as "hell."
And what does she offer in return?
To become the purchaser's wife; to
keep his houue; to cook and bear chil
dren and sink herself in the duties -of a
family life! She, a feminine wage
earner, a bachelor girl, a new woman,
If you please; she says the pinnacle
toward which her sex has striven for
twenty years is simply "hell," and she
Will gladly go back to household drudg
ery If some man will let her.,
The wiseacres may poke fun at Miss
Magle, but in the eternal adjustment of
things she is right, albeit a pioneer.
Sho is a heretic, but the heretics of to
day ure the saints and prophets of to
morrow. She knows whereof she speaks
— for she has been through this "hell"
for years, and she gives forth the
plaint from the bitterness of her own
heart.
This young woman'H rebellion comes
as a clarion cry to her sex, bidding It
givo pause; telling It to look back over
its two or three decades of "emancipa
tion," and, taking stock of itself then,
and now, estimate Its gains and losses.
Were the pioneers of thlii' "emancipa
tion" uli wrong? in "freeing herself
from servitude," has she at tho same
time not put herself Into a worse bond
age—that of the petty wage earner in
stead of the loved and honored wage
spender? That of the fierce but hope
less competitor with man. Instead of
the Ideal of his devotion?
Certainly womou aro allowing a sur
l'l'Ulug umouut of discontent with pres
ent wugu-euj-ning conditions, Tho girl
worker jiiournelli for her lost birthright
1
LOS ANGELES HERALD: SUNDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 28, 1906.
and ■will no*, be contented b*»eaus« she
hath it not. She sought freedom from
marriage bonds; the has It, nnd it
Proves Dend Sea apple*, crumbling to
aches in her hand*. Instead of a home
and n man to protect and love her—
which evfry real woman crave*— *ho
must "sit at a typewriter nnd pound
keys all day long." She ftndu truly that
Nature did not Intend her for a cell
bate, and tho machlno In n poor *uh«
stltute for the crndle; the offloo Is n
wretched excuso for the homo. Naturo
demand* It* de-bt: ono cannot servo
Qod and mammon.
Hut thlfl girl Is wrong when she
blames man for her continuance In thin
business grind. Hn may be pomewhat
at fault; the averago man thrown with
tho nvcrnpo business woman— positive*
self-assertive, perlssological and Indif
ferent—ls not especially charmed by
her. "" For In taking on something of
masculinity, nhe has Inevitably lost
some of her own »cx'« delicacy, tender
ness and bloom. Hut she herself has
ilono much by her fierce, sharp and
unbusinesslike competition to take mar
riage out of tho range of possibility
for many of the sterner* *ox. Too often
living at homo, nhe, works for compen
sation far below thnt which a married
pnlr must have; to her, It Is pin money:
to him, it means a living for two. She
has brought salaries down to a merely
existence level, nnd has left man no
choice but to lower his own rates, and
—remain single.
Thero Is no gainsaying this. A quar
ter of a century ngo a good bookkeeper
commanded $100 even as a minimum;
today scores are working, men and
women, for $7.80 up per week. Clerks
formerly received $15 a week where
$3.50 Is paid now. Stenographers used
to be In demand, from $100 up to their
own figures; now they take $5 a week
and are satisfied. Can man compute
with these prices, and then tako unto
himself a wife? Hardly. So they get
as good Jobs ns they can for them
selves, and live without the feminine
companion whom God intended for
them, the while she eats out her heart
and her life In vain effort to snare him,
meanwhile finding the very situation,
thnt she has created, "hell,"
Nature, In the end, rights her own
wrongs; be It sooner or later, tho great
law of compensation prevails. Woman
within a quarter of a century has upset
the plan of the ages, and has attempted
to take the places of the sterner sex,
for which God never Intended her. She
finds it only "hell," She has discovered
this for herself, after bitter travail and
disappointment; her airy dream ot
"freedom" is^but a hideous nightmare
of industrial slavery. Is she now ready
to see the dawn of a new day by re
turning to her real* place ns man's
queen Instead of his competitor?
A CONGRESSMAN'S DISGRACE
Congressman McLachlan is engaged
now in paying for his recent nomi
nation by the S. P.-Republlcan ma
chine for another term in congress.
The work cut out for Mr. McLachlan
by his political masters is not repu
table, but the worker has no choice.
The Job consists in trying to defeat
the most loyal, capable and efficient
county assessor that Los Angeles has
had for many years! Assessor Ward,
like McLachlan himself, is a candidate
for re-election; but the assessor, un
like the congressman, is not the nom
inee of the politico-railway machine
combination.
A man with more respect for* the
position of representative In congress
would not stoop to the level of doing
the work of the combine even for the
assurance of a life tenure in that posi
tion. That the work is unworthy of
a man honored as McLachlan has been
is apparent to every Los Angeles county
voter who can read and think. ''
Assessor Ward gained .the everlast
ing enmity of the Southern Pacific
company and certain other corpora
tions by assessing the property thereof
in accordance with the rule of equal
Justice to all. The assessor did not
recognize the rights of the corpora
tions to specially low tax schedules,
whereby the load thus^shlrked was
shifted to the shoulders of other and
more honest taxpayers. That was tho
alpha and omega of Assessor Ward's
offending.
But that was enough. The iron rule
was applied that no man can enjoy
the political favor of the corporations
without mortgaging to them his man
hood and his official services, subject
to foreclosure without notice. Refusal
to dump part of the corporate tax
load on Individual taxpayers was rec
ognized as an offense punishable by
political decapitation.
And so, In the herculean effort to
defeat Ward in the coming election,
the combine is resorting to every
method, no matter what, to put in
his place a machine-made official, who
Is expected to be as pliant a& clay
in the hands of the potter.
Humiliating it Is to admit that the
representative In congress of the proud
Los Angeles district Is engaged now,
and working to the limit of his energy
and ability, In helping to defeat Hon
est Ben Ward, and doing this by com
mand of bis corporate masters. But
McLachlan evidently feels that by thus
bartering his manhood und loyalty to
the people ho may continue In congress
until the crack of doom, if he should
live so long.
The great gold mines and the busy
new camps and towns of Southern Ne
vada, picturesquely described in to
day's Herald, mark tho dawn of a
splendid future for our neighboring
state. They also link Nevada to Los
Angeles with ropes of gold, over the
new Salt Lake line. The days of the
old Comstock lode are revivified In
these splendid developments out on the
grim iii-Kert.
Thus far during the month of October
688 building permits have been Issued,
valued at 91,672,752. and the remaining
three days of'the month will put the
total up to $1,800,000. October In never
v very active mouth, ns It corresponds
with the August of euiitem citiei in
wurmth ; uud quiet. Hut there am im
reully dull inuiithH in lliu growth of
Los Auifeleii. WmJH
SAN FRANCISCO NOW A SEETHING CALDRON
Hopeless Incompetence and Corruption of the Police and Recognized
0 • . . Dlshoneity of the City Administration
Special Correspondence Now Tork Rvenlnfr I'ost.
SAN FUANCISCO, Oct. 20.— This
city seems now to be diving headlong
Into a winter of woe. Th« thug nnd
criminal element* are becoming bolder
each day. Murder*, ns»fiult» and hnld
up* have become so common that local
paper* aro compelled to munmarlße
them on their front pngo*. There will
be a mnM meeting of citizen* nnd mer
chant* today to organize) a committee
of public safety. The police force Is
disorganized and corrupt, and even
pollco rourt Judges nro clmmed with
both accepting bribes nnd fearing to (
punish wrongdoer*.
Bin>lnt'ss Is mifferlntr greatly from
wlmt Is railed "tho gnaplpe reign of
terror," for visitor* and tho URtial nrmy
of shoppers frtmi the nuburbnn districts
have not the temerity to cross the bay
nnd Journey through the store*, where
thero have been so many daylight mur
ders and attacks.
Wherever ynur affairs lead you nbout
thn populous shores of San Francisco
bay, you will hear the criminal Invasion
of the Gulden Oato discussed. It Is
snld by wholesale, lmrdwnro dealers
nnd agents for manufacturers of flre
nrms that mom than 6000 revolvers
hnvo been sold within the. past ten
days. Thon, as an evidence of tho peo
ple's alarm, every safe deposit vault In
fun Francisco and Oakland has been
engaged, the rush to these depositories
being comparatively recent.
Kvery board or organization that Is
prominent In civic and commercial af
fairs has elected to join In a general or
ganization for public safety. Theso are
some of tho 'organizations* that hnvo
benn aroused by what they term "the
city's peril": c'hambur of commerce,
Merchants' association. Merchants' ex
change, Commonwealth club, board of
trade, state hoard of trade, produce ex
change, Hankers' association, Builders'
exchange, Huilders' association, liulld-
Ing Trades council. Federated Trades,
San Francisco Church federation. Press
club, Potrero Commercial and Manu
facturers' association, and the Con
tractors' alliance.
Police Department Corrupt
The members of these different bodies
and the citizens at large, are of ono
mind that the police department Is cor
rupt and hopelessly Inefficient. They
aro also agreed that San Francisco
never had a more brazenly dishonest
city administration. In formulating the
plan for the mass meeting of citizens
that will be held today, W. J. Barrett,
manager of the Wright wlro. works,
said, taking bb his theme "the city's
desperate situation": .
"That San Franclpco Is going to be
rebuilt is a matter beyond any doubt
whatever. But there are conditions
here, us there have been before and as
there may have been In other cities,
which must be met and met courage
ously. There has been displayed a great
deal -of apathy on the part of business
men in regard to taking a hand and
righting these conditions. . But the tlmo
has come for moral cowardice to be
relegated to the background.
"The present inefficiency of the police
department Is but an Incident of tho
wrongdoing of which our people are
victims, and Is a necessary result of the
state of affairs. Where the authorities
aro corrupt you must look for all sorts
of lawlessness. The movement which
we propose must embrace in its scope
much broader things than the scaring
away of crooks and thugs. That Is
something which will be Incident upon
the correction of the conditions which
make such outlawry possible."
Resolutions to Check Vice
Resolutions were offered at the meet
ing of the representatives of the vari
ous organizations of merchants and
property owners, which showed the agi
tated mind of the general community
over the widespread municipal corrup
tion and unchecked vice and thuggery.
They contained these paragraphs:
"Resolved, That one week from today
there shall be formed In this city a
committee of public security to be
made up of Jive representatives from
each of the following organizations,
said representatives 'to be appointed by
said organizations, upon signifying
their willingness and determination to
devote sufficient time to the work to be
undertaken. (The organizations re
ferred to were mentioned above.)
"Resolved, That violence of any kind
is to be condemned, public officials are
to be taught that they are in offlce to
carry out the wishes and best interests
of our citizens, and not their own de
sires. One-man-boss-power in our pub
lic affairs Is to be eradicated and de
stroyed. Corrupt measures must be
defeuted, and those calculated to bene
fit our city and Its commerce must be
Covirt R-oom Humor
TOO MUCH OF A BAD THINQ.
Judge— You are regarded as one of the
•hrewdeat confidence men in the coun
try, and yet you are here.
Prisoner— Yea; I Kuena It was a case of
over-confidence. Your Honor.
NO CHANCE) FOR A MISTAKE.
Prosecuting Attorney-You are willing
to (wear that It wat the prlsontr at tliu
bar who tired the fatal .hot? I,
Wltnea»-Y«», Yer Honor. I could not
be nlitaken! There was only 1« filler*
■boot ng-at the time, so I could £iy
k»«p track of th*m - *
adopted. Corruption of public ftfllrlals
nnd Its concomitant evlla nnd vices
munt be dlßoountennnced nnrl puu
lahod."
Thero Is no doubt thnt tho commlttca
of public security will lwvo a ptrpii
noun task cut (>ut for It, Aside from
whatever action may be taken toward
NtlriiMß thn pollen department to iic
tlon, it In proposed to miikn a thorough
Invcatlfriitlon Into ctmrKPS recently
mndo thnt Abo Huef, tho hop«, nnd
Mayor Hchmltii, who han seized this
"opportune" moment to go nbrond on
an pxtonslvo Vficntlon, received $500,000
from tho United Hnllrondfl for granting
(he overhead trolley fninclil«o<«. This
charge wan mndo ut two public moet*
lnnf"i nnd the neeus>pr* of tho 'mayor
and the boss also declared that, each
member of tho honrd of supervisors
hnJ received $1000 for voting for the
franchise.
Tho popularity of the bandmaster
mayor h.a« boon growing hi the In
\prne rntlo for week*. Ho Is now mil
verfally denounced for leaving the
city at a time when a municipal ex
ecutive is so sorely needed. There la
no doubt now that the mayor, Ruef,
and their "i-lng" innde*ff fortune nut
of the necessities of thn city dlrertly
nfter tho fire by forcing tho diverse
"burned-out" city departments to pny
exorbitant rents for offlcns nnd build
ings that had been leased or bought
by tho "ring."
Rebuilding Is Hampered
Whatever announcements may be
made In the past by the California pro
motion committee to the contrary the
progress of Sun Francisco toward re
building Is being seriously hampered.
Kvery day building projects that were
advertised widely aro being laid aside
until the strenuous situation shull have
found relief. I. W. Hellimui, one of
the richest bankers on th« coast, nn
nounced In Los Angeles a fow days
ago that ho would Invest $6,000,000 In
building schemes in that city, where
there is no tyranny of lnbor unions
ami "Bouglng" by material dealers.
Other capitalists refuse to reinvest
their money In permanent buildings on
account of the exorbitant price of
labor nnd materials, to which must
bo added the graft that has been de
mnnded by municipal officeholders
who nro In a position to hamper and
obstruct building operations. Shucks
within the fire limits are under muni
cipal ban, but they are still going up
rapidly, and in numbers throughout
the burned district.
Though the demoralization of tho
police department has been followed by
an unprecedented wave oT crime, It has
served the purpose of rousing the people
of the city from their apathy. Affulrs
had been - drifting along, negligently.
Graft in San Francisco hus never
aroused much public Indignation, and
after the calamity of April there wus a
furious march into real estate specula
tion and anuill commercial enterprises
that were started with golden promise.
Forgetfulness of Householders
In the first few months of prosperity
It was seemingly forgotten that house
holders had to restock and reclotho
themselves and families. Insurance
monty was pouring In In small sums.
This at first was spent with California
lavishness. Now as commercial affairs
sink back to their normal level tht>
smnll merchants begin to feel trip pinch
of the high rents they have been forced
to pay. Flllmore' Btreet is no longer
a thronged boom-town lane, and the
shopping crowds on Van Ness avenue
have gradually thinned.
At. night. the streets of the city are
practically deserted, and ' the trolley
cars almost empty. Kven travel .in
automobiles is not safe, two having
been held up by highwaymen within the
past three days. In the clubs at night
members aro found comparing the
weapons they curry for self-defense
and discussing the best lighted streets
for the homeward journey.
The present condition of affairs has
revived discussion of the wild western
days of the early fifties in San Fran
cisco. Many speakers and writers have
urged that the old, grim spirit is dead;
but the pioneers were remarkably
patient before they wore finally stirred
to the organization of the vigilance
committee. ! ; :- ' -■
' The maintenance of 20,000 refugees by
relief funds Is now being denounced as
in part responsible for the existence of
so great a community of criminals in
the city. W. J. Dlngee, one of the city's
largest property owners, declared that
NO CHANCE TO AGREE.
Judge— And Is there no chance Cor an
agreement? ■
Foreman of the Jury (rising)— Waal,
If Your Honor will Rive me buck the
gun that was took from me when vva
was locked up, I reckon I kin bring theso
here 11 onery crlttera to time in less than
five .minutes, but there ain't no chanca
for an agreement while I'm lackln' a
■trong argument.
GAVE HIMBEIJP AWAY,
Judge— The witiiMl positively tdoiitlrten
you at the burglar,
paring Bill-flow could be Identify m»
when he had hl§ head oovsred up In tUn
Imdclothlutf all th* tliuaT
It wa« notorious, that the refugee camp*
were flll?d with persona who had no
If ultimate claim on public support; that
the camp* and squatter settlements lind
been the scene of much crime." It
should not be difficult for tho relief com
missioners to obtain accurate Informa
tion respecting th« character of every
jiernon now Hiibslsiliiß on the fund,
though the camp commanders will tell
one thnt It Is Impossible to keep track
of so many thousand families without
ii tyrannical Intrusion Into their affairs.
Opportunities for Demagogues
The other day the. leading spirit* of n.
coterie of trouble brewers In one of the
main camps organized for the purpose
of petting (I'ilck ftctlon In the dlsburso
ment of relief funds. After several vio
lent outbursts of oratory they Issued n
circular to tho effect that on a certain
day later In the week, also naming the
hour, nil refugees should appear at tho
headquarters of the relief corporation
to receive his nnd her share of tho few
millions of cash left on hand. At thi;
hcur nnined In the circular many
thousand anxious refugees nppeared
before the headquarters, each one
struggling desperately and valiantly to
bo the first one to get his allotment.
Of course there was no money to be
dispensed, but the canard served its
purpose In allowing the demagogue
responsible for the assemblage to ad
dress the mob. The neighborhood soon
re-Houuded with nhouts of graft, theft
nnd fraud, until finally the reserves had
to disperse the crowd with their clubs
ana threats of arrest. I>. W. C.
A GOOD METHOD, BUT—
John Inglls, the crop expert, had been
describing some of Ills forecasting
methods,
"You see," he ended, laughing,
"these forecasts don't seem no remark
able when you once know how to set
about making them. The' reßult, no
doubt, l» wonderful enough: yet the
method of obtaining It Is simple.
"Simple methods give nlvvays the
best results. You know the story of
the parlor maid and the two young
men? '* '■■>■'
"Well, a certain clever parlomnnid
hurried to her youilK lady one cvHng
and said breathlesHly: ■■;■»•
" 'Oh, Miss Fanny, both them young:
gents you nre engaged to has called,
and they're in the pnrlor together, and
somehow they've found out you've
been falsa to each, and It looks to me
aa Jf there's going to be some terrible
trouble.'
" 'What shall I do? What shall I
do?' Miss Fanny moaned, as her pow
derpuft dropped from her nerveless
fingers. -V
" 'I'll fix it,' said the clever maid,
nfter n moment of deep thought. . 'I'll
go and say you're crying your eyes out
because your pa has lost all his money.
Then you can keep the one what stays.*
"-Good, good,' Miss Fanny cried.
"The maid withdrew. Some minutes
passed. Then she returned with a
scared, • awed face.
" 'ISoth gents Is gone,' she said."
HOW TO ESCAPE JURY DUTY
"Here's my fall trade Just setting in
good-, and I've got to go and serve on
a Jury."
"Would, you like to escape Jury
duty?"
"I certainly would."
"Well, I hav> escaped It for twenty
years. I'll tell you how. Twenty years
ngo I was drawn for Jury duty, and the
first day I went to court, a man, hear
ing me complaining, said:
" 'I'll have j-ou relieved from jury
duty forever If you'll pay me $10.'
"This man was In black— a suit x>t
full mourning— maybe, for all I know,
he made a business of the thing. At
any rate I said I'd pay the $10, and
he led me Into court with him.
"In court tho names of the various
empaneled jurymen were called, but
when It came to my name, the man in
black motioned me to keep quiet. Then
Jie, with a kind of groan, rose to his
feet, holding a white handkerchief in
his black-gloved hand.
"'Are you John Smith?' says the
clerk.
" 'No, sir,' says the man, In a chok
ing voice, 'John Smth, my second cou
sin, is dead. He died last night of
consumption. The doctor told me to
come here and inform the court.'
" 'Oh,' says the clerk, 'in a kind voice,
'Sorry to have given you all this trou
ble, sir. Thank you. Jim, scratch John
Smith's name off our list,' he added,
turning to his assistant. ,
"That was twenty years ago, and I
have never been troubled about jury
duty since."
Excessive Interest
Unmindful of our own affairs,
Our neighbors make us curious.
Tho interest we take in theirs
Is really quite usurious.
—Philadelphia Press.
. APPEAL FOR MERCY.
Judge— Have yon anything to say why
sentence should not be passed on you?
Bigamist— Just think of my Camillas,
Judge. I
PLEADS IONORANCD. .
Juilse — How did you corns to set
drunk?
Defendant— Faith, Ter Honor. Ol'm not
to blame. Ol didn't know what Ol wu
dolii'.
Judtui— You didn't. How wai that?
Defendant— Well, ye »««. »or, Ol w»«
under th' liifluenc* of liquor whin Ol
■UUrUd.
JPI-liies and Mck-Ups
Hope
Th« skimpy clouds blow 'croM the eky
And turn a ftrnylMi hlnck:
Wo fßlh nbont nnd Raze at 'em
The while our breath comes slack.
They portend but n simple shower,
They promise little hope.
But even for that little bit
We pray and beg nnd grope.
Ton bet our sunshine Is "the goc-di," •
We boant In phrAMifl vain;
But Jiidt nbout this day nnd hour,
Goghl how we wish 'twould rslnt
Rnllrond pnascn nro abolished January
I. Shoo prlcen are Increased now. Thus
we get it going nml coming.' ; ;..'• ■;
King Edward imy* he enn't live on
Sz.fiW.OOO a year. Ho might give' up
bridge and tho ponies, s
The prescient will take the Panama
trip November 8, Ho can't go till he
sees Hughes beat Hearst.
Kunston has been assigned to St.
Louis. In view of Its pending election?
Orange—How c»n I Improve my time?
I-emon— Tako it to a watchmaker.
Tho Illinois woman suffrage converi'
tlon says: "Flatter man and feed him
well." That's not so bad.
Sousa is writing two new quicksteps.
What tho politicians want Is a new
sidestep. • - ••
Chicago and Boston should be friends.
Each furnlHhea an essential part of the
pork and beanß. >
A famous musician is experimenting
with his music on cats. Getting even,
eh? „ • ■
Poppy— The doctor says I can't play
golf.
Magnolia — I could have told you that.
. .
Man does things on a bigger scale
than woman. She paints her face; he
paints the town.
As marriage is a place where family
jars are mude Is It a pottery?
A Chinese In Philadelphia tried to
Iron overalls In which was a railroad
torpedo. He had a fine funeral.
Nowadays we could- use a few sim
plified spellbinders. .
Palm— Are those eggs fresh laid?
Popper — Ever hear of an egg laid
stale?
Bonl has one excuse for living; ' he's
tha great horrible example for girls,
anxious to marry a title.
Bishop Fallows says one's morals
depend on what one eats. How hungry
some men are!
Odorless llmberger leing now a fact,
let's have the odorless campaign cigar.
Castro is better, say the dispatches.
Could he have been worse?
The president's New York house is
for rent. Must figure on another term.
San Francisco— An Appeal
0 stricken city by the western sea.
Affliction seems to take you for her
own! •■ -'■/' .* : 1- -■■-.•'
So much has come to make you weep
and moan,
So much to bow your head in mlseVy!
Tho trembling earth that writhed to be
set freo; ■— -."..'. I. • :•' ':.';"•
Tho flame that ate your body to thb
bono; .'-<. £}$j\ ;■ • ,' ■ ; ■ .
The homeless struggle that you since
have known.
And borne so bravely, that the world
,'.V- might see
You dauntless In your woe— all these,
and more,
Have failed to cast you down or
shake your trust
In your great destiny. But now,
the worst!.
Your sons turn traitor to their na
tive shore,
And rob their mother — ravish -her
.. In lust!
Rise up, rise up and slay them,
the accursed!
. — W. H. C.
REDUCING THE RISK OP TRAVEL
Statistics covering the mortality
among passengers and employes -Ton
American railroads in 1905 are - again
eloquent in their argument for more
and better safeguards In tho I equip
ment and operation of trains. In the
twelve months ended June SO, 1905, an
average of 26 persons were killed arid
238 Injured every day. In the entire
period covered by the Interstate com
merce commission's report 9703 per?
sons were salln and 86,008 others were
more or less Berlou sly hurt. One pas
senger out of every 1,375,856 carried
met death and one in every 70,665 was
injured. Altogether, the casualties on
American railroads for a year exceed
ed by nearly 20,000 those on both tho
Japanese and Russian sides during the
siege of Fort Arthur, and were almost
equal to one-fourth the number of
Japanese and Russian troops killed
and injured during the war. , ■ . .;
It Is acknowledged, of course, ; that
travel on American railroads Is becom
ing more nearly devoid of risk, but
there Is still room for the introduction
of reforms that would reduce tho dan
ger to a minimum. When the officers
and owners of railroads find that It
is the part of economy as well, as of
humanity to supply the necessary safe
guards tl.e menace to life and limb
will be practically removed. Enforce
ment of laws already on the books and
the enactment of others to fix tho
responsibility for carelessness seem to
be the remedies at hand.— St. Louts
Rep-ibllc. ■
The Lantern
Ixivo went laughing by the house
With a lantern in his hand . • •.: • ■
From a round of high carouse ■-
Out I- peer'd to Heo him pass.
Caught a flicker on the glass, '
And I ask'd a laughing lass,
One I thought might understand,
Who it wus wont by the house-
With a lantern In his hand. . •
1 ■ ■ >*.'.' t>'.: '.
So we tumbled out, we two,
And wo follow'd far and ateep—
Until neither of ,ub knew,- •■ ■■•, „
When the birds awoke from sleep
And the sky was turning blue,
If it merely were the peep • v.. •
Of a star across the land,
Or a will o' the wisp, with' pass „
Of this wand tho way he flew.
Hut he waited in the dew,
"\Vultflrt laughing for us two, :
While I help'd the little laws; !V
And we saw Ills oyes grow deep,.
And wo knew our love wax truo —
K.i when now tho tiuHhes paHN
AVo nmy wholly uudewtaiul
Who la watching by tlio housu
With a laiitum in hIH hand.
—Witter llyimer, lv Kvtrybody's llagu
glnti.
w , .^ P«»t Bet of I>eth la.
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