Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel], February 02, 1907, Page 6, Image 8

About Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911

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6
LOS ANGELES HERALD
m tiik. millAf.fi COMPANY
rn*\K (i. Fint.AYftO* Ptml*«
nOBT. M. YOST fMllnrlnl M(inn«*r
R . II I,AVRI»TY nii«ln*i«« M«nn«*f
OLDEST MOHNINO P \rr.it IN
i . (>s ANGELES,
ro.imlr.i Oct. 3. IST.I Thlr«y-fonMh yenr.
( .hnnihrr of Commerce llull.llnK.
T EI,ErHONrcS-Bun*et Press 11. Home
The Herald. ___
The only Democratic newspaper In
Southern California receiving tin full
Assortatpd I'ress reports. _____
news service — Metnbef of the as-
SOclntpd Press, receiving Its full report,
ttverflglng 2r..000 words n dny.
EASTERN AOENT— J. P. McKlnnoy.
8068 06 Totter building. New York; 311
Hoyeo building, Chicago.
H ATE 9 OF BUBBCRIPTION WITH
SUNDAY MAO \/.INK:
Dally, by carrier, per month I '.gjj
Dally, by mull, three months I.VB
Dally, by mall, six months «.!'«
Dally, by ii .hi, one year <•»«
Sunday Heral.l, by mall, one year.. 1.80
W eekly Herald, by mall, one year. . 1.00
Entered at tofflce, Los Angeles, as
second-class tier,
" TMH HERALD IN BAN FRANCISCO
AND OAKLAND Los Angeles nnd
Southern California visitor! to Ban
Francis.-"F rancis.-" and Oakland will find I i<>
Herald on sale at the news stands In the
Sim Frnnclseo ferry building and on the
streets In Oakland by Wheatley and by
A mo» News Co. _____
Population of Los Angeles. 25 1,463
All we need. Mr. "Weatherman, is a
little more sunshine.
Wnßn't that sunshine glorious yes
terday—while It lasted?
Senator Bavagfl leema to be living up
to his name- -and t'.ien some.
What Mr. Wollaber needs Is Some
ono to "push dem clouds away."
You don't hear nearly so much about
tho gas supply, now that tho days are
warmer.
Two earthquakes In Indiana: now
watch for a shaky cast to Indiana lit
erature.
There Will be no war with Japan.
And it will be because Japan doesn't
want it, too.
Long Beach will, on next Tuesday,
push that freeholders' charter off the
dock in deep water.
Oakland will aid Los Angeles' plans
for consolidation. Really, Oakland is
not so bad, after all.
Arizona has passed a law against
gambling. Arizona is rapidly getting
Into line for statehood.
The deeper the probe goes into the
Harriman control of California the
worse the affair appears.
Now that the lumber trust is under
Investigation, its hi ads ire probably
takmg to the tall timber.
The flour trust is about to elevate
prices, but the sawdust breakfast food
is still at the same old rate.
Another revolution Is threatened In
Cuba. Some fellows down there must
need the money pretty badly.
Ice in San Francisco is to go up 20
percent. And San Francisco has every
reason for wanting to keep cool just
now, too.
We certainly nord better facilities in
Los Angeles for protection from fire.
But they should be secured from the
city's revenues.
Long Beach's great boast is "no sa
loons." But the new charter permits
cafes to sell liquor. Is Long Beach go
ing to stand for that?
It is probable that "Salome" will be
presented In Los Angeles. This is a
warm town, »*ut is ii hot enough to
assimilate that drama?
If we should go to war with Japan
our first move would be to abandon the
Philippines. Which is almost enough
to make us wish for the war.
The theatrical trust has been in
dicted, n took v long time to bring
this infamous combine to look, but it
looks as if justice might reach it at
last.
Eggs are 50 cents a doz< n and butter
is 50 cents a pound. The humble hi n
and the placid cow Beem to he about
the best : m , :,n havi
just at present,
The legislature servei
pose by its many junV
robs the stat troasurj |
the Income <v its o
Pacific Railroi I com] my,
Thai Providence, It. 1., journal win. |,
thinks that New tinglund'a climate is
better than thai of South I California'
lsI Is undoubtedly loyal, but | H it -,« ry hoii
eat in its conclusions? Or dors It
know?
''in Missouri leglslatun
to allow < ; ■ . \• r ■ i olh to ■
bles Into uny i ounty mid
liquor simps. The Missouri Ii
seems to b< bi tter than thi ■
article, somehow,
Uncle Sam wants to be rlgh
I " all times. And In
ti s ink to he i Ighl h< may ho
1 onslderi d i Uttli low, i lut other
countries had !i it not th
that he is afraid.
Chtoago'i epidemic of scarlet fever, It
appears, jms been occasioned by the
city insanitary milk supply. The nit
uation should urge upon the Los An
geles hoard of in alto to be even more
vigilant than usual nil respect to
the local dories, shippers ■■ ■ d dealers.
The supply in tins city Is regarded as
above the average in purity, but eter
nal watchfulness is the price of the
public health.
PAVING THE WAY TOR UNION
The hill Jim Introduced In tho legis
lature nt the Instance of the Los) An
golo.* consolidation commission should
settle .-'ii questions relating to the sub
ject concerned. The measure should
satisfy the people of every section In
terested In the consolidation plan. It
meets all the objections that have been
raised by per*, unacquainted with
the full scope of th* proposition.
The primary objection to union ■with
l,os Angeles on the part of some of
tha minor communities has all along
been the fear that the greater city Was
aiming to swallow them In a manner
s iißßfstlve it Jonah's experience. Those
communities are Justly proud of their
achievements thus far In "paddling
their own canoe," i mi they require tin
qtiilitied nssurtince of betterment he
fore casting in their fortunes with the
greater city.
The doubters now have n satisfactory
guarantee embodied In tho legislative
bill in question that the autonomy of
every community to be Included In the
merger will he preserved. This feature
will be based on the general plan adopt
.,i in the consolidation which resulted
ln Creator New York. No community
will be forced Into the jointure, each
deciding the question solely by the pop
ular vote within Its own borders. And
subsequent to the act of consolidation
each of them will continue to manage
lts strictly local affairs independently.
The question of taxation has been a
loum of considerable distrust In some
of the localities ecireerned, but the
provisions of the Mil referred to are
calculated to allay nil feara on that
score. The bill provides that "no prop
erly within any of tho municipal cor
porations Consolidated shall ever be
taxed ; i l ly any portion of the md
i btedness or liability of any one of
the other corporations contracted prior
to or existing nt the time of th n-
BolldP tlon." That provision disarms ap
prehension that the minor parties to
the union would be involved In the
present Indebtedness of Los Angeles.
A great deal of misunderstanding
about the plan of Jointure would have
been obviated by an earlier official as
surance of the points now embodied In
the measure before the legislature.
Something more substantial thnn in
dividual promises was needed to Con
vince pi ople in the outlying districts
thai union with the big city would
really be greatly to their advantage.
On the principle of "better late than
never" the bill will undoubtedly tend
to satisfy all parties concerned.
In addition to tho official guarantee
which its conditions imply the bill. If
enacted, will prevent any possible mis
hap consequent upon changes since the
date of the old law relating to consol
idation, which became effective twenty
three years ago. In short, the passage
of the pending bill will clear the way
entirely for a successful consummation
of union between Leis Angeles and San
Pedro, thus establishing a precedent
for the subsequent extension of the
plan of city and county consolidation.
NO MORE RAILWAY POLITICS?
Surely the millennium is drawing 1 near
if certain Intimations from Sacramento
nro trustworthy. It in rumored that
the Southern PacifY railway lias deter
mined to cease dome: politics. Several
causes have led to that conclusion, ac
cording to the outgivings, chief nf which
arc apprehension because of the govern
ment's attitude and a matured convic
tion that it can no longer "pay to do
politics" in California.
In an address delivered lnst Thurs
day before the directors of the S:in
Francisco chamber of commerce some
light nas thrown upon this subject by
Franklin K. Lane, interstate commerce
commissioner. Mr. Lane said: "If rail
roads will only keep out of politics that
practice, which brings them more into
disrepute than anything else they do,
1 think government ownership will con
■ remain a long way oft."
Mr. Lane'H addresa was followed by
remarks from J. C. Stubbs, Mr. Harrl
man's right bower, to this effect: "If the
Interstate commerce commission desires
to sit as a Judge it will have the. sup
port of shippers and of every decent
railroad man In the country; and if
there be anything In the way of skill
and experience In railroading that can
bo pul .-h their disposal Ii •■. .'! be theirs
without price."
This language from Manager Stubbs
is the most lamb-like thai has ever
come 'n public notice from that source.
Along with the Inference to be drawn
from the above quotations we have
more direct data from Sacramento
bearing upon the BUbjeet. in the legis
lative session two years ago a commls
tiicn was appointed "to draft a plan for
nratlon of Btato and I il taxn ■
tlon, Riving counties the right to tax
land values and allowing the state to
il |( i ' • \ . inns upon the gl •> IH
"i coi poratlons."
proposition was expected to
i -hot opposition from the rnll
whon ii came up for
. :1 1 .in si sslon, •>n Its
two or thn a days atro,
Lherti was a most surprising
1 tl sure on the pui i
moul hplec< s of the rail
in the leg! i! itun and
1 Ituai lon is Inter
to thus: "The up
"l ihe corporations
lo Ullo to 1,,. tllXl ■
■
Hereto
fore the ! allw id to mix In
■' otiii c;
Ihul tuxes are chi i ■
The kIhI of these disclosures seems to
bc that i lie (far •■! public ownership ii
bringing the railway managers to their
senses, and also that it is no longer
cither expedient 01 economical to sup.
port a horde of political heelers Hud
lobl } ists.
it this Sacramento Interpretation is
correct a "cold day" is da Wiling l"i Cal
ifornia doci'H of pulltici iii tho Interest
of the, railway companies, Uefore n
LOS ANGELK9 HERALD: SATURDAY MORNING. FEBRUARY 2, 1907.
ceptlnjr thfl Interpretation, however,
V N Herald «m not only consider it
cum Rrtino anils, hut will Anchor It at
the bottom of a barrel of brine.
TUP PARAMOUNT THING
lt I* announced that "within a
month or six weeks the fire commission
will ask the city council to call an flec
tion for the purpose of voting $-100,000
of bonds for new engine houses and
fire fighting apparatus."
There Is no question about the need
of enlarged equipment for the tire de
partment. Hut there Is one. necessity
that takes precedence of engine houses
and apparatus, and ii frequently is In
striking evidence at fires of consider
able magnitude. An abundant supply
of water f^r fire fighting and all other
purposes for which It Is used. Is the
first and most Important matter to be
considered In connection with bond Is
sues.
It Is not wise to dISCUSS any bond
propopitlot Other than the one for pro
vldinir funds win rewiih to finance the
i Ivor water project prior to the
sale of an issue for thai purpose. The
eastern money market is In n depressed
condition and Is likely to remain so for
somo weeks. This Situation, as pre
viously noted in The Herald, Is paused
chiefly by the financing of vaal railway
loans, ,n this condition of the ■
financial pulse good Judgment demands
that Los Angeles- refrain from any
movement, or even suggestion, calcu
lated to Jeopardize the sale of the
water bonds.
Tho needs of the fire department,
evident ns they arc. can be held In
abeyance until nfter the all-Important
water bond funds are In hand, Al
though the proposition of the lire com
mission would not antedate the water
bond election, the very fact that i
loan of $400,000 was right on the heels
of the greater demand would lie likely
to have an effect on the extremely
sensitive money market in present con
ditions.
And this caution applies with equal
force In respect to the good roads
proposition nnd uny other that calls for
a bond Issue. Throw not even n pebble
In the way of the paramount water
project.
On February 16 a party of one hun
dred or more prominent people from the
northwest will arrive In Los Angeles
on a visit of several days, while en
route to Jlcxlco, under the auspices of
the Tacoma chamber of commerce. It
is Important that this party shall have
every courtesy and good form of hos
pitality extended to them, and to that
end all citizens who have friends and
acquaintances In the party should be
prepared to assist the chamber of com
merce in entertaining the guests.
Japan's demand Is that its citizens
shall be treated in this country pre
claely as those of the most favored
nations — for instance. Germans and
Flench. Well, It's up to Roosevelt. In
tho meantime the urgent duty of the
Federal government is to rush the
fortification of the Pacific coast and
send the navy out here, where it will
be handy.
The president is quoted as saying
that Japan considers the United States
a pigmy nation beside that of Russia.
Well, gee whiz! What do you think
of that?
If Long Beach citizens desire to have
liquor sold in th..- hotels and cafes of
that city they need only vote for the
freeholders', charter.
"Salome" couldn't compete with tin-
Thaw case; that's about the size of it.
LOCAL SELF-RULE
It may be admitted that local self
rule is the parent of certain evils. But
would not anything In the nature of
b deliberate and concerted endeavor to
enforce a far greater degree of aul
thorlty from Washln. ton bring about
worse evils? The United States was
founded and has thriven for more than
a century with the federative principle
as Its basis; the principle that within
certain limits the people of each state
can govern themselves better on the
whole than they can be governed by
benevolent paternalism. That there are
Borne exceptions to this principle, as in
the ease of Interstate railways, foi ex
ample, is not denied, But that does not
alter the Intrinsic difficulty of carrying
Into effect any Bchemi — no matter how
patriotic the intent ..f Its promoters -
to erect what must steadily tend to be
come a gigantic bureaucracy with its
headquarters on the banks ,>f the Po
tomac and its tentacles extending in
to every portion of the country.
Already the array of federal civil of
ficials, including postmasters, far i k
ceeds the number of men In the army
and navy combined, [f the centraliza
tion policy Is to lie pushed to a logical
extreme this host would necessarily be
multiplied. What the result might be
in the increase of red tape, in opportu
nities for corruption, and In Inefficiency
through the concrete Impossibility of
exercising efficient supervision over bo
large a body of federal agents can
readily be Imagined.— Philadelphia
Bulletin.
DRESS SUIT A PATCHWORK
The clawhammer or evening coal has
many oddities Of cut. Th'-s Mill .
woro "ii. , . : leni lals. Thore was, in
fact, a time when every Idiosyncrasy
of the clawhammer nerved some use
ful puri ■
Thr cutaway front of the coat, for
Instance, was originally cut away sn
that the v Barer, h hen on hor oback,
would ii"i bo Incommoded,
The Iwo bultons at the back were
ning up thi tail out o( harm'n
way. each tall having In the past v
buttonhole ■
leeven, m Ith their false puff*,
are relloa of the days when sleeves
,vere always turned back, and there
fore were always made w ii 1111 111 1 cuffs thai
unbuttoned,
The collar, with Its wide notches, la
i • rvlval of the old i ollar that haa
a in.] in order that Its wearer could
turn II "i> conveniently In cold or
v eat her,
Tin- iir, es ' oat, in i w ord, is a patch
ivork "i relics, relics once essential,
inn now of no use on earth Phlla
.1, iphla Bulletin
■For This Relief—"
Nervous Amateur Lecturer (who lias
Just received i message iron) his lan
tern man thai the oxygen for the lime
light will last only live minutes longer)
—And now, ladles and gentlemen, 1
must conclude, as my gaa la giving out.
— Harper's Weekly,
SAFETY ON THE DEEP
l'rom «he Netr York I'o««.
With every mechanical, any rather
auto-mechanical device In perfect work
lng order; with plates and beams and
frames and rivets contributing equally
to that element which naval iii i hit II
call structural strength, there Is not
the slightest reason why the most timid
person should take passage aboard a
modern transatlantic, liner with any
deeper misgivings than he would feel
in boarding a limited train for Chicago
or a crowded local for the suburbs.
There Is really not so much reason for
apprehension, In defense of which asser
tion It is but necessary to suggest a
comparison of the mortality tables coy
ering railroad disasters In the United
States for the year 1006 with the loss
of life through ."hlpwreck. Allowing for
the vast numerical preponderance of
travel or railroad over travel by (<"a.
and taking avriages on a purely com*
paw live mis, the ocean voyager h M
much the better of it.
The strides In the science of ahlp*
in lh pist twenty years, not
alone as n gni Site, S| I and luxury.
but, iil'in i all. lafety, repay I onsldera
tlon, The mo • m liner is practically
unslnkablp, and the question of future
disasters, it the ease „r the Ml-fatod
In Vli icirln Lulac, resolves it
self Into a qt -non of ihe frailty of
humankind. The might of the worst
sen ever experienced .shipbuilders have
set at nnughi collision bulkheads have
done awny With the fear of the lurkl-u:
derelict; the modern automatic sealing
of compartments offsets the puncturing
Of a hull through a Collision and the
danger of destruction by lire.
The point is mat the great liner which
Is lost lii the future will be lost through
the mistake of her navigator, No ship
builder In ail the agea to come, it
Seems, will ever build a craft that will
hold together In pounding on rocks or
stormy shoals, but even tills danger is
being lessened through the beneficence
of win lesa teh graphy and the "sunken
bell" system.
I'ntll the eflrly eighties, passenger
steamships below decks Were to be re
minded simply as huge bows, present
ing, from stem to stern, one unbroken
sp;ne. a hole in the hull below the
water line involved, of necessity, the
filling of that hull with water nnd COn
sequeni sinking, Such a disaster to thM
Collins Line steamship Arctic, th"
transatlantic queen of the flftlea,
marke 1 the beginning of the downfall
of a company ..f which Americana were
Justly proud. Qroping her way through
the fog on the Grand Hanks, the Arctic
was rammed by the French steamship
Vesta. So calmly assured of the
Strength Of his great steamship ns to
lender the thought of the loss of iiis
Vessel a remote consideration, brave
Capt. Luce ordered Gourley, his tirst
officer, overside in a small boat to
ascertain the extent of the damage to
the Vesta, nnd to offer all assistance
needed. Gourley never got back to the
Arctic, which Tilled and sank like lead.
First Water-Tight Compartments
Thus it went from 1^54 on through the
sixties and seventies, until when the
plans for the new Guion liner Arizona
were drawn tho owners of the line,
Williams & Guion. gave ear to the as
sertions of a marine engineer and con
tracted for the installation in their new
boat of a system of water-tight com
partments. This system may bi : i I" 1
described by suggesting the various
rooms of a house, each room of which
is hermetically sealed by the closing of
the door which Ii ads to the adjoin
ing room. Naturally, the structural
strength of these rooms, compartments,
in the Arizona was applied In accord
ance with facts obtained from tests ot
water nnd air pressure. There were
seven or eight of these compartments
In the now Guion liner, beginning with
a collision bulkhead some thirty f°et
abaft the bow, and continuing through
the various holds to the stern.
The bulkhead doors were closed by
hand; certain members of the crew
were assigned to each door, their duty
being to asemble there upon signal and
Bi al th< compartment without lo?s of
lime, This system, by the way, was
not long in proving its worth. For one
cold morning on the banks the Ari
zona crashed bow on Into an immense
iceberg, caving In her plates as though
they were cardboard. The collision
bulkhead saved her. She made port a
trille down by the head, a forehold full
of water, but every other part of the
hull dry as a bone.
No new greyhound -was built there
after without these water-tight com
partments. The drawback to this sys
tem wa.s the fact thai it was necessary
that the doors be closed by the hand
The Lady— Huh! He said hf'd die fer
me willingly an' when I ast him to soak
Uiilly McHIK he le«t walked off!
"l'li« Truant Ueol Wlnht I vrua tiuin*
(lulu' urn lkklu'.
of man. Man is fallible on the sen,
n* elsewhere. More than one. grim dis
aster since, the bulkhead system »m
applied has gone, to demonstrate that
fact. There wan the French Line
steamship I/ft Uourgogne, for Instance.
No vessel afloat was fitted more ade
quately with great steel water-tight
bulkhead* than I, a Hourgogne. was
Yet It appeared that In tho excitement
attending the puncturing of her hull
hv the bark Cromartyshlre the crew
failed to close the bulkheads. nnd she
went to the bottom, as the Arctic went
twenty-four rears previous.
The White Star's Lesson
The bulkheads of Ihe White Star Line
Bteatnshlp lying at her pier several
year* ngo were naturally open. She
was listed bemuse of lee coating her
decks and rigging, water flowed In the
Opel)O pel) cargo ports, and down she went
to the bottom of the North river, A
fine opportunity for a test of tha bulk
head system was thereby I. ml. but
scientist*, from ii study of her decks
and Interior after she was raised.
pained valuable data as regards water
prpimure,
Obviously, the hnnfl«eloiilng compart"
mmim mini s> si. in. which still obtains on
many great transatlantic vessels, hnd
lts serloUS defect i i lermnn shipbuild
ers teemed to feel this more strongly
than (hose of any oilier nation, What
was wauled was an Invention whereby
the presence of tailors at every door
in event of disaster was unnecessary.
in their quiet, unemotional way, the
Teutonic constructors took up the
problem, and studied it year after year.
The result was the Installation of the
Doerr system of automatic floor-clos
ing, iirsi applied in the construction of
the North German Lloyd line steam
ship Kronprlna Wllhelm. Through this
lnvention the captain standing upon the
bridge was able to close compartment
lifter compartment as fast as he could
move his hand from lever to ■ lever.
Those who. In the first days of the
Kronprlnt, were privileged to stand on
the bridge and watch the captain pull
the levers, with little red lights spring
lngI Ing to life over each lever, notifying
that the door corresponding was closed,
were impressed with emotions not of
the every- day sort.
But thla was not enough. The Ger
mans, not content With what had al
ready been done, passed onward. The
frailty Of the sailors had been provided
for: how about the frailty of the cap
tain or whatever officer chanced to be
on the bridge? This waa worth think
ing about, and the Germans did think
about It. and not without practical re
sult. On the most modern liners now.
should the officer on the bridge fail of
his duty in time Of disaster, the bulk
head doors win close automatically
when the lnrushing water has attained
a height of two feel In the holds. Surely
the contention of the modern ship
builder that his boat Is now unslnkable
would seem to warrant belief. Through
i his system It Is not necessary that a
leak be discovered. A hidden Inflowing
Of water checks its own entrance once
It has risen to ihe danger point, two
feet.
Isolation of Compartments
This isolation of compartments may
lie used effectively to prevent the de
struction of the vessel by lire, while in
event of explosion In the boiler or en
gine room, doors dose automatically to
prevent the exit of steam and tire. If a
light on the masthead or In any other
part of the vessel goes out, an annun
ciator In the Wheel house warns the
captain of the danger forthwith.
Wireless telegraphy keeps a vessel
in touch with the shore, either one
shore or another, throughout, or very
marly throughout, her entire passage.
Cape Sable sends her warnings of the
bleak gray rocks upon whose fnngs so
many vessels have perished; ships in
distress may hurry out their calls for
assistance ovet B radius of hundreds of
miles, nnd the case is on record of a
steamship on the English coast, the
name of which escapes memory, which
In sending out her request for assist
ance, giving, nf course, hor exact lati
tude and longitude, brought two vessels
to her side.
One wild night at South Wollfteet the
writer stood beside the operator, no
less than Marconi himself, as he talked
with a transatlantic liner, which told of
a heavy sea that had swept her not an
hour before, happily with no damage
or loss nf life. This same vessel, be
fore the days of wireless telegraphy,
was mice overdue many days without a
sign of her, and the impression of just
what this new system of telegraphy
had achieved in robbing the sea of its
terror was overwhelming.
The "Sunken Bell"
But there are thousands of reefs nnd
shoals against which wireless teleg
Funny Fellers
W. F. MARRINER
The Rejected— An' only y»»teddy I let
her have three long tucks at my utlek of
Ktd— Olflcer. you'd better lock me up.
W-why? • • '
Kid— Alas, ahe'i refused me an' I'm
*kecrcd I'll do som«tlilu* d*«p«rat«l
PI LINES AND PICK UPS
N O HOPE Knit HIM
"Mini M ns good ss yet ho looks,"
He said. The mald«n sighed
Then. Rafting nt his ugly fnr(\
"You must he very far from grace,"
She saucily replied '.•;••,
AA A Chlengo man hnn received the
region of Honor modal from France.
Any mm who Is bravo enough to live
lnI In Chicago deserves It.
J . P. Morgan has quit work. Has he
got all the money, or Is he Just I piker
compared to Harrlman?
The duchess lias given Marlhorough
V IOO.OOO a year for tho right to wear t lie
tin., slnco their separation. Now wo
know why she married him.
as it USUALLY WORKi
Palm What Is tills block system on
a railroad?
Pepper Bvery wreck blocks the
truck; Hint's It.
A London crack shot hits wnsps on
the wing. On the stinger would be more
to the purpose.
Thr new slmh of Versln begins to rule
by cutting off a few* heads-Just us
we dO,
Jamaica negroes should lie more win
ing to work on th<> Panama canal since
the 'quake.
Now that the lumber trust Is being
investigated Will It takO to the woods?
THE RBABQN
Orange— Why nro so many Jokes so
thin?
Lemon— flo dunderheads enn sco
through 'em,
A green telegraph operator mnkes a
fat graveyard.
THK LOST CORD
Somebody stole a cord of wood from
the farm Of Silas Pettlt one night last
raphy cannot guard. Within the past
year tills danger h.BJ been met by the
•sunken bell" system, a system which
is obtaining recognition throughout the
civilized world. Hanging from the bot
tom of lighthouses and lightships are
hulls constantly tolling. A telephonic
receiving apparatus placed against the
hull of th ; vessel below the water lino
carries the Bound of the bell through
many miles Of water, with the result
that fog, defective compass, magnetic
attraction, so-called, and what not are
thus set lit naught, This submerged
boll system has passed far beyond the
tentative stage.
Rear Admiral Kvans tried the subma
rine bells on the Alabama and Maine
with satisfactory results, and it was
found that, unlike the doubt which ex
ists in the case of aerial signals trans
mitted through a fug. it Is possible in
the case of submarine signals to locate
the source of sound to within one-half
point of the compass.
As the receiving and transmitting de
vices already have been placed on all
the lightships on the Atlantic coast. It
is believed that when the naval vessels
are „niperly equipped they will be able
to keep In touch with these ships from
Maine to Florida when off the coast,
thus reducing largely tho chances of
stranding nnd of collision.
Experiments conducted by the light
house hoard in this country, the British
admiralty, and the Danish government,
supplemented by some smaller tests
made by Hear Admiral Evans, have
satisfied the navy department of the
value of the system of submarine sig
naling by means of bells to indicate
the approach of a ship, in thick weath
er or nightfall, to the shore.
The sound of these bells has been
heard ten miles away, and a person
below the water line, with his ear at
the water line, with his ear at the
receiver, catches the muffled notes as
plainly as a person standing upon a
liill some quiet Sunday morning. Last
March the Kaiser Wllhelm 11, feeling
her way toward port in a dense fog,
caught the notes of the Sandy Hook
lightship bell through her bow plates,
the port bow, twenty feet aft. Th-;
course of the vessel was altered until
the sounds came dead ahead, and then
"I hoar you have twin* at your home."
"Ycs'm, an' I'm on me way to da Zoo
to Kwat dat blamed stork."
"My! Why don't you get » hair out.
my UdT"
'Wot I An' den m« hat won't fit ma
an lv* only won It Uv« yMXil'*
•reek. II will not bo well for the party
that took It If HI finds out who It was.
—Mount Morris (Ind.) Index.
Some, candidates are born to office,
others achieve office, nnrl some have
office thrust upon 'em—but durn fow.
A rvnnsylvnnlii innn nnyn tho world
will end In two years. Then why dig
the Panama oanal?
Congress won't dam the Mississippi,
but tho steamboat captains will, ns
usual.
a tiitm rnnniKT
■Fa will bnvo to rotrnct. thn stnt ••>-
men! thai "tho now butcher shop nan
Oine to ntny." 11 hath gone.—Carroll
ton (O.) Free Press.
Home WOmSTi nro not content with
pnlntlng themselves; they also have
artlsti do it.
the WHATHEtt
mi, times It's culm and sometimes rough
Hut, let It shine or rain,
About II people talk enough
To inn k,' the weather vane.
— Plttsbtirg Post,
lt's vain about Its shape— you're right;
JllSt take my qtllct tin—
Open tlin door most nny night
And sue tho wnathor strip!
— Cloveland Leader
Sn ninny gnrhs It lin*. In fnrt,
tn fcrnrioH from hot to cold,
Thi weather bureau must bo packed
As full as It can hold.
| —Boston Transcript.
"Tls moot that wo each change should
greet
Without vnln mutterlngs;
Wo can't, however, buy our meat
With any change It brings.
Chicago Record-Herald.
Oh. poor benighted eastern folk,
Who weary of your weather.
Onl her", me rhnngna nre a Joke;
Come out; now, all together.
-W. H. C.
the liner went straight, finally gliding
under the stern of tho shrouded light
vessel. Another captain, a tugboat
man, trying to make Honton harbor,
remembered that they were tenting the
submerged bell system on the Boston
lightship. He went below, and plac
ing his ear to a stopcock was able to
pick his hearings and make the har
bor. I'nlike whistle and bell notes In
the iilr, the clanging of the submerged
bell always oirrieß true, not being sub
ject to the deflection of air currents
and other atmospheric conditions.
Onco reefs and crags and hidden
shoals arc thus "belled." tho record of
lost ships will unquestionably show a
decided decrease.
A MAINE METHEUELAH
In a logging camp near Hulton, Me.,
a few years ago a man by the name of
Peter Orlmes was accidentally killed
and his widow was left in rather poor
circumstances.
Joseph Mreed, n particular friend of
the unfortunate man. being somewhat
of a carpenter, decided to m.ik ■
Grimes' oolun and so cut down tho
funeral expenses. He told the widow
of his Intention and rlbo of carving
the namo and age of her late husband
on the lid, but ho was rather worried
when he found that tho ago was 2S
years.
"I am awful sorry, Mrs. Grimep,"
said Joe, "but I nover could cut a fig
ure 8."
"That's too bad," replied Mrs.
Grimes; then as a happy thought came
to her she asked him if he could cut
a figure 7.
"Yes, i can cut a first rate figure
"Well, then, why not cut four 7s?
Everybody knows four 7b are twenty
eight."
So the following day Joo completed
the coffin aa Bhe suggested.
Tho day of the funeral came and the
late Rev. T. S. Bluck of Hulton was
reading the service over the body, and
had arrived at that part whore he was
saying:
"Our denrly beloved brother, who
departed thin life as the age of "
Hore he glanced at tho coffin lid for
reference, and his eyes lighting on
Joe's row of four 7s ho gave a gasp
and wltn a startled look in his eyes
exclaimed:
"Good Lord, how did ho ever mlsa
tho flood!"— Boston Herald.
THE GOLDEN RULE OF THREE
Three things to be— pure, just and
Three thlngß to govern— temper,
tongue ami conduct.
Three things to live— courage, affec
tion and gentleness.
Three things to love— the wise, the
virtuous and the Innocent.
Thrc things to commend— thrift, In
dustry ami promptness.
Three things about which to think—
life, deatli and eternity.
Three things to despise— cruelty, ar
rogance and ingratitude.
Three things to admire— dignity,
gracefulness and Intellectual power.
Three things to cherish— the true, the
beautiful and the good.
Three things for which to wish—
health, friends and contentment.
Three things for which to light —
honor, home and country.
Three things to attain— goodness of
heart, integrity of purpose and cheer
fulness of disposition.
Three thingsto grivo— alms to the
needy, comfort to the sad and appre
ciation to tho worthy.
Three things to desire— the blessing
of Ood, an approving conscience and
the fellowship of tho good.
Three things for which to work— a
trained mind, a skilled hand and a
regulated heart.— Leadership.
YE GOURMA^ TO YE LYTTLE PIG
(Jh. lyttlo plgge, whyche bldeth in ye
T nrvthe lende youre oare In courtesle!
Illgnt V tend"yro y sucklynge; for ye
Dvyl ( lln n Xo e ho£ur. with ye Chry.t-
Bhort Ts aB tteeh c c * h°r"ft thy fattening time
Yet a of O Ve 8 Bcurvy trick thou lyttle
wottest.
Yea, lyttle plgge. ye saertfyce draws
Could 'thou but see with myne pho-
Ye Boodlie C boar tie y't groans with Ule
Tide Cheeare,
Boar'B head and collops, pasties and
ftmall beeare:
Ye venison and rounde nf beefe I note,
Ye Btronge mulled ale with bobbing
crabs aflout!
Then frome ye spitte upon a trencher
bigg*.
Kulir browned and Juicy comes ye
■ucklynge pig!
I marke thy savour as ye dlshe Is
passed
And eke my portion have secured at J
last. J
foor lyltle plgge, I fain would drop afl
teare, ■
But all ye water's in ye mouthe, 1 I
Inara — Puck. 1