Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel], May 22, 1910, Page 7, Image 51

About Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911

Image provided by: University of California, Riverside; Riverside, CA

                
MAY 22, 1910.
A Half Hour with the Humorists
110 LI DA V MAKING.
Old Froissart said, long years ago,
We took our pleasures sadly;
But in these energetic times
The better term is "madly."
For days before the vacation time
We slave and rush and hurry,
And preface several days of ease
By several weeks of worry.
But ease is not the proper word
To use in this connection;
The strenuous Teddy Roosevelt life
is now our predilection.
We over-motor, over-golf,
And over-aviate it,
And then, half dead with restless
rest,
With work recuperate it.
—Royal Magazine.
CAUGHT.
"Pshaw !" exclaimed Miss Yer
ner, impatiently. "I'm sure we'll
miss the first act. We've waited a good many
minutei for that mother of mine."
"Hours, I should say," Mr. Slowman retort
ed crossly.
"Ours? Oh, George!" she cried, and laid
her blushing cheek upon his shirt front. —
London Opinion.
AMONG THE GIRLS.
Dottie —I hate this wihdy weather.
Tottie —Why, dear?
Dottie —It ruins my complexion.
Lottie —And I don't suppose you could help
things by putting it on a little thicker?—
Cleveland Leader.
HER CHOICE.
He—Would you rather be beautiful or
clever?
Sbb—Beautiful, I think. You see, there are
lots of stupid men, but only a few blind ones.
— Boston Transcript.
GET TO WORK AT THIS, SOME ONE.
She {with newspaper) —lt says here that
the ordinary housefly lays twenty thousand
eggi in one season.
H E —Great Peter! Why don't they graft
the housefly on the barnyard hen? — Exchange.
TERRIBLE.
Nurse (rushing in excitedly) — Madam, the
baby has just fallen out of the nursery win
dow
Stylish Mother—Horrors, and the new
cement walk hasn't had time to dry out yet,
either !— St. Louis Star.
SURGERY AND FINANCE.
Badger—l say, Broker, you were a medical
student before you took to the market. Now
what would you do if a man came to you with
a had case of swollen fortune?
Broker —I would immediately try to reduce
the swelling by manipulation.— Exchange.
NOT MUCH!
She —Well, I hope you are going to write a
letter to the man who insulted you.
He {an actor) —What, make him a present
of my autograph? Not much. — Pele Mele.
A MORE ADVANCED STAGE.
Mrs. Caller —Do you know the woman
next door well enough to speak to?
Mrs. Subbubs —Well enough ? I know her
too well to speak to.—Exchange.
LOS ANGELES HERALD SUNDAY MAGAZINE
• ' •
MONKEY-This In the oddest bunga'ow
I've ever IMB. Wonder If anybody's at
home. Melh!nks I'll ring.
»•■«ifc"*** * * r» -*i ■ -sj-' -#*•<
MOTHER (visiting son at prejaratry sch-o!)—
Well, my darling!
SON—I say, mother, don't look so ghastly
pleased before all these fellows. —Punch.
"You write to your wife twice a day! What
devotion!"
"Well, you see, she warned ma If I missed
writing one day, she wuuld come home Imme
diately, and a letter can so easily go astray!" —
London Telegraph.
4^r li' *.^KV^iF*sHi 1 ' ' '
t4 ' I'll II 9 U FT /^^V^^S^^^^A 'If KbSb ' B ff / 1 1 i
"Who has broken the milk Jut?"
"The cat knocked that daws, msJamc!"
"What eat?"
"Haven't wo got one?"— Fl.cgende Blactter.
____________————————————.
MR. (JIRAFFE Hullo, my son! What
can I do for you?—lllustrated Bl a.
THE NEW MAID.
SAD END.
Sageiirush Sam —Yer say Bill
died of a lame arm. How could
that be?
Cactus Charlie—Why, yer
see, his arm wuz so stiff that he
couldn't draw his gun quick, an'
the other fellow got the drop on
him. — fit-Bits.
EXPERIENCE.
"Why did you pick out a widow
er to be your second husband? 1'
"I wanted some one who could
come in at night without waking
me up." — Chicago Record-Herald.
UNAVOIDABLE DELAY.
Hikkman —You seem to handle
the auto pretty well, but before I
engage you as my chauffeur I
must see a recommendation from
your former employer.
Chauffeur Applicant—l'm sorry, sir, but
I can't get no recommendation till the end of
next week.
Hireman—Why will it take that long?
Chauffeur Applicant—My old boss, sir,
won't be out of the hospital till theu.—Chicago
News.
THE REAL ENEMY.
"Why didn't you come to the dance the
other night, Lieut. Schmidt? I believe you
were afraid of all the girls you have been en
gaged to."
Lieutenant —No, not them; the others. —
FHegende Blactter.
THEN HE MADE A HOME RUN.
He—What kind of stone would you like in
the ring, darling?
She—Oh, Jack, dear, I've heard so much
about baseball diamonds. Do you suppose
they are very expensive ?■ — Life.
CACOPHONOUS RESULT.
Grigg—So you got home from the club at
midnight. Well, I suppose you told wifey you
had to work late at the office; played upon her
sympathies, eh?
Briggs—Well— er—yes; but either her sym
pathies were out of tune or I'm a darned poor
instrumentalist. — Puck.
BETWEEN FRIENDS.
Sculptor (to his friend)— Well, what do
you think of my bust? Fine piece of marble,
isn't it?
Friend —Magnificent! What a pity to make
a bust of it! It. would have made a lovely
washstand. — Modern Society.
AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.
Papa—Are you sure that you and mamma
thought of me while you were away?
Gracie —Yes, we heard a man kicking up an
awful row about his breakfast at the hotel, and
mamma said, "That's just like papa!" — Tit-
Bits.
NOT SO DIFFICULT.
Miss Rogers—How did you imagine any
thing so beautiful as the angel in your pic
ture ?
Artist —Got an engaged man to describe
his fiancee to me.— Sphere.
TELL IT AGAIN!
Esther —Percy says that I am the first girl
he ever kissed.
Geraldine—Yes! And doesn't he do it de
lightfully? — Punch.
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