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Los Angeles herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1900-1911, September 27, 1910, Image 12

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Los Angeles Herald
THOMAS E. GIBBON,
. .- President and Editor. . -
Entered M second class mutter at the
fostofTloe In lot Angeles.
'V^r OLDEST MORNING PAPER IN
LOS ANGELES.
3 Founded Oct. 2, IS7S. ' Thirty-sixth Tear.
; Chamber of Commerce Building-.
Phones—Sunset Main 8000; Home 10211.
The only Democratic paper In Southern
California receiving full Associated Press
report* __ _
NEWS SERVICE—Member of the Asso
ciated Press, receiving Its full report, aver
aging 26.000 ■word!! a day. __
KATES OF SUBSCRIPTION WITH
BUNDAT MAGAZINE
Dally, by mall or carrier, a month. ...$.50
pally, by ji^ll or carrier, three months 1.50
Dally, by mail or carrier, six months.. 300
Daily, by moll or carrier, one year.... 6.00
Sunday Herald, one year *•»<>
Postage free in United States and Mexico;
elsewhere postage added. '"
TUB HERALD IN SAN FRANCISCO
AND OAKLANDLos Angeles and South
ern California visitors to San Francisco and
Oakland will find The Herald on *ale at the
news stands In the San Francisco ferry
building and on the streets In Oakland by
Wheatley'and by Amos News Co.
A file of The Los Angeles Herald can be
seen at the office of our English represen
tatives, Messrs. E. and J. Hardy & Co.. 30,
II and 32 Fleet street, London. England.
free of charge, and that firm will be glad
to receive news, subscriptions and adver
tisements on our behalf.
On all matter* pertaining to advertising
address Charles R. Gates, advertising man
ager
Population of Los Angeles 327,685
CLEAR, CRISP AND CLEAN
ff^SXLGIA JlULlvAilfl
Mf;ft£XRORSUML ;BJ
If elected, Theodore Bell will toll
the death-knell of Southern Pacific
corruption in California.
According to the almanacs this is the
fall season, but you wouldn't ever find
it out by taking your basket to mar
ket.
The east's idea of a mining congress
is a body of men wearing low-necked
blue flannel shirts and cowhide boots,
and every man chewing tobacco.*
London Punch intimates that Roose
velt would like to be emperor. We
are not always bright enough to see
the humor In Punch, but this one is
easy.
The Public Welfare league of Seat
tle is planning to remove the mayor
of the city by recall. Probably will
be a case of welfare meaning fare
weli.
Laura Jean Libbey's short experience
with the stage is ended because she
did not get on with the managers. She
has given up friction for fiction, so to
ppeak.
We have ,lstened until our ears hurt
for some sound of great joy from the
insurgent camp over Mr. Taft's rul
ing that they will be welcome at the
pie counter.
Real estate owned by New York city
has increased in value Rome 9000 per
cent since It was bought in 1850. Oh,
yes, municipal ownership Is a very,
very, bad thing.
Uncle Sam having decided that ho
Will give no more "Immunity baths"
to guilty parties, we can cross him off
the list as a possible customer for some
of our surplus water.
A physician now says that, a tea
spooful of sand before each meal Is
good for Indigestion. It would re
quire a good deal of that stuff In the
system to take the dose.
We particularly abhor thosi waste
l>asket hats of the women that hide
the Head anil face, but after getting
a look at some of the faces we must
Bay they have their merits.
Five tons of babies in a Broadway
department store baby Bhow must send
a shiver of apprehension through the
school board, already at wits' end to
care for the rush of "Incomers."
Gallagher, who shot Mayor Gaynor,
Is said to need money for his defense.
A little while ago he was praising
Hearst as his friend. Has h ■ tried a
"touch" In that appropriate direction?
Talk about tough luck! Henry Clay
waited all his life for the presidential
lightning- to strike him, but in vain;
yet lightning has hit his statue in
Lexington, Ky., twice in seven years.
Massachusetts Democrats have one
of the best chances In years but evi
dently propone to earn dunces" caps
by nominating for governor one of the
wont professional politicians in tho
country, Mayor Fitzgerald of Boston,
known t . his 'ronios as "Fitzy."
Admitting Hearst's boast that he
carried Maine for the Democrats, the
Houston Post .-till thinks General
"Washington should be given the credit
for the surrender of the British at
Yorktown despite H.-urat's omnipo
tence.
Richard Metcalfo, Democratic can
didate for United States senator In
Nebraska, is supporting the Repub
lican candidate for governor. These
are the days when the political dope
sheets are as confusing as a problem
la the fourth dUucusion.
BELL'S PROGRAM
THK opinion of the thousands who ■
heard Theodore Bell at the Tom
pie auditorium Saturday evening
is that he will do. The Impression
made by his personality upon those
who had not spen the Democratic can
didate b«fOPe was not disappointing,
and the meaartge he brought ns to his
views was particularly well told and
gratifying in substance.
Mr. Bell has spent several years in
denouncing the corruption of Cali
fornia by the Southern Pacific Rnil
road company, and Is today as stout j
In hia demand that the railroad ma- j
chine be kicked out of politics. He j
urged this years afro ns now, and some ,
people may have got the impression j
that this had become an obsession with
him—that his program was all nega
tive.
That impression, if any hold It, can- |
not persist with those who heard him ;
Saturday, or read his speech in Thn
Herald Sunday. Mr. Bell is destructive !
so far as evil exists In California, but
he is as truly and strongly con
structive. He Is not a corporation
baiter. He gives corporate wealth and
activity full credit for what they havo
done for California. If they stick to
their legitimate sphere he has nothing
but good will toward them. "I shall
not, if I am electod governor, give them
any of the best of It; neither will I
five them any the worst of it."
The Southern Pacific, as a railroad
company, has a friend in Theodore Bell.
If fairness did not impel this, his de
sire to build up California would. He
knows, as he said, that the people of
California will not be satisfied with an
administration contented to apply the
boots to political corruptionists, rail-
road and others. California Is pro
gressive, an "upbuilding community."
It wants stealing stopped, but legiti
mate enterprise fostered. It wants ex
orbitant freight and passenger rates
cut to fair figures, but wants the rail
road to get all it needs to prosper and
grow. It wants monopoly crushed but
every industry to prosper that is dis
posed to play fair with the public.
Mr. Bell's attitude on these matters
was all that could be asked. He is
equipped to carry out his policies be
cause he has ability and has never
asked a favor of a corporation and
owes the railroad machine nothing,
which is a good deal to say for a man
who has been in public life for years—
and let no one think Mr. Bell has
never met the tempter. He had in
fluence and a vote "they" wanted.
Theodore Bell long ago fought the
corrupting railroad machine when It
wasn't fashionable to do It. He ought
to be remembered for that. And he
purposes to be a governor who will
push things forward, and that is what
California wants.
FASHIONS AND FATHER
WHILE the Log Angeles fashion
show that is now in full swing—
and with a great deal of credit
to the fine stores for which this city
Is becoming famous—is primarily and
almost solely for the feminine sex, it
is by no means without interest to the
other. No "mere man" with an eye for
the beautiful can stroll along the win
dows on Broadway this week without
a feeling of admiration for the mo
distes who appeal to the women with
such a "fine Italian hand," the more
so when he reflects that many of the
wonderful creations are the work of
men dressmakers.
Let him entertain no morbid thoughts
on the probable cost to him. He's got
to count.on a certain outlay, anyway.
And let him not criticise the styles,
for there Is hope. He is to have his
chance. The recent national dress
makers' convention in Chicago went
on record as being in favor of asking
father and hubby their opinions be
fore any further radical fashions are
Inaugurated. "Father," said a speak
er at the convention, "cannot be longer
overlooked. It is getting to be a se
rious proposition to put forth fashions
that will coax the ducats from the
husbands' pockets."
It Is well. The recognition of men's
rights has been a long time coming,
but it Is here, so why carp about the
past or even the present? Taxation
without representation is at an end.
The successor of the hobble skirt will
not find him standing aside with caus
tic and cynical comment, for he is to
be an integral part of the fashion
world. He will have a say and must
bear his share of the responsibility.
Let us see If things will be any better
as to stylo and price when he takes a
hand.
LAST CHANCE
TODAY anrl tomorrow are the last
day* on which the voters of Los
Anseles county who have not had
their names put on the registry list in
the year 1910 can do so and assure
themselves of the right to take part in
thi election next Novemher. Several
thousand have jot not taken the
trouble to attend to thla personal regis
tration that the law demands.
Some of them think their names are
down. The only proof they can have
la the ocular r.ne.. They should take
tbe trouble to stop at one of the numer
ous tabli ■ on the principal business
is and make sure.
In many respects the November elec
tion will be the most Important ever
held In the state and county. It is the
Brat opportunity In many years to take
the control of California from a rail
road machine and restore It to the
people. There is also an opportunity
to redeem Los Angeles county from
professional politician! whose extrava
gance has raised the taxes of all tax
payers and made living higher for
everybody.
The failure to Belie these chances
will mean that things will go from bad
to worse. Success means cleaner gov
ernment, less waste and a stop to
growing tax burdens, It will moan—
soon, it is hoped —the abolition of the
dual government here that costs the
ratepayer almost double what it should
for administration.
Register, if you want to we these
things brought about, The time ex
pires tomorrow evening.
LOS ANGELES HERALD: TUESDAY MORNING. SEPTEMBER 27, 1010.
; . '.. - '. • ■.■■.
GRAFT, PRIVATE AND
PUBLIC
IN his talk before the City club on
Saturday last on the municipal
ownership of public utilities, the
Rev. Herbert Bigolow answered one
of the objections to such a program—
namely: that it would create further
opportunities for political gjraft, by
showing that matters could not be
worse than under private ownership,
citing the Illinois Central revelations.
Such illustrations are unanswerable.
Mr. Bigelow might have cited the
insurance scandals of a few years
back as further proof that graft is
not absent under private management.
Tho Hughes investigation revealed a
perfect saturnalia of graft at the ex
pense of policy holders In wTiieh every
body from directors who didn't direct
down to agents in the field partici
pated, and millions owned by policy
holders were juggled through Wall
street to make millionaires richer,
while the "yellow dog fund" to corrupt
legislators was an established part of
the business.
These things were concealed for
many years and only exposed through
a quarrel of the big plunderers, Hyde
and Alexander. Such conditions could
never go on unrevealed, at least so
long, under municipal ownership.
Make every voter a stockholder, and
he will see that politicians do not
plunder him very long.
Mr. Bigelow's talk also made apt
and of local interest the revelations
brought out by the present investiga
tion in New York or {eglllatlve influ
ence by the big corporations. The
street car companies, it is shown,
were banded together to corrupt the
legislature, the president of the met
ropolltan system. H. H. Vre.land,
having confessed to "taking up stock
accounts" In Wall street for pur
chased legislators to the amount of a
quarter of a millien dollars.
With such facts before the public,
tlm opponent of municipal ownership
is wasting his breath If he puts his
objection on the' score of probable
graft. With Harrisburg. Springfield,
San Francisco, Albany and Denver in
memory, not to :-pr.ak of numerous
other instances of plunder and corrup
tion from private sources, it must bo
a timid person indeed who would not
prefer to take chances with legisla
tures, councils and courts further re
moved from the debauching influence
of the privately owned public service
corporations that buy their way with
as little conscience as many of them
cheat their small shareholders.
Two weighers in the New York cus
tom house have been convicted of
underwelghing imports—a forceful re
minder that the millionaire higher-ups
of the thieving sugar trust are still
enjoying life on Fifth avenue.
A Georgia court has ruled that if a
man gives a woman silk hose and
lingerie it is not platonic affection. But
how doea the learned court know but
Plato had a lady friend of that kind?
With that noble political sentinel,
Julius Caesar Burrow*, on g-uard at
the head of the l.orimer inquiry, one
must be hopeful indeed if he thinks
any report on the <ase will be turned
in before election day.
FOR A BOOK
A monk once labored In a lonely coll,
Gilding tho paseß of a missal rare,
And those who tassed looked In to se«
him there.
Hl» Ill's »ort smlllntc. and a lliiht tliat foil
Glorious about hl» head; ana one would
tell:
■11. r.' "its ha all th« day and will not spars
Himself for weariness, but his look will
Ruch'pcaco a» In God's fac« alone may
I «dv *'l «lv« the* this and auk thee hern.
To read the.a page. In th. light that made
The monk iimilo always, and his task, each
Crow Hunter and his soul more unafraid;
loir had It. wonder on his spirit laid;
And In that vlFlon's brightness all was dear.
—-uNoireya J. O'Conor la th. Bellman.
Nothing There for Father
PUBLIC LETTER BOX
TO CORRESPONDENTS— Intended for publication must bo accompanied by tjie
name ami addrew of The writer. Th. Herald give, the widest latitude to correspondent.,
but assumes no responsibility for their view*. . ,
J. R. K.'S DREAM
Editor Herald: I had a strange
dream last night. Dreamt I was in
Tokio, Japan, and was reading one of
the papers containing the local items,
one of which was that the judge who
had control of the park system of that
City declared that the city needed a
German beer garden in one of the
larks, and a German should be hired
to run it. But when it was found
that many Japanese gardeners with
largo families were tramping the
streets in vain, looking for gardening*
to do, the order was rescinded in short
order, and the control of the parks
given to one who had more respect
for his fe"llow countrymen than to hire
foreigners. J. R- K.
Los Angeles, September 24.
WHAT VAUDEVILLE DID
Editor Herald: May I speak out in
meeting and bear testimony to at
least one wholesome influence of
vaudeville? I have discovered such a
fascinating phase of our city life di
rectly traceable to vaudeville. It is
this: Since Annette Kellerman has
been at the Orpheum the whole city
has gone mad on exercise.. That lovely
sermon in flesh has inspired our city
to dazzling deeds of walking, swim
ming and all kinds of fancy flips on
land and sea.
Beauty is contagious, and I fancy
not many looked upon that lovely wa
ter sprite without being impelled to
seek the Land of Lost Youth, of ban
ished curves and slender waist lines.
I know of old, fat lads who are hit
ting the trail again, of comfortable,
square matrons who are swimming on
piano stools to reduce their square
ness; whole troops ofchildren are
learning the arts of dolphins and flying
fish.
Something very clean and wholesome
and vital has come to stay, and it
came through vaudeville.
HARRIET MORRIS.
Los Angeles, Sept. 25.
NEEDED REFORMS
Editor Herald: The following list is
a partial enumeration of the many
reforms, governmental and social, that
are advocated as essential to the
establishment of justice:
1. Public ownership of public utili
ties—national, state and municipal.
2. Initiative, referendum and recall —
national, state and municipal.
3. Direct election of all national, state
and local officials.
4. Proportional representation and the
cumulative ballot.
5 Direct taxation and home rule.
Special privilege, child labor, tariffs,
prohibition, prison reform, graft,
money, conservation, shorter hours— all
await the more fundamental reforms
; listed above.
Reformers should recognize that a
foundation must be had before the
superstructure is begun and not get
disgusted because the many social evils
which sprinpr from imperfect political
conditions are not at once abolished.
Communities must first make them
selves free. Then the state can be
reformed, and with the reform of the
state will follow national readjust
ment.
First of all, the units of state gov
ernment must be given freedom to
reform themselves. They must have
home rule in all matters pertaining to
local affairs. The state should keep
its hands off in all matters of local
government. We should raise the
money we use and spend it just as we
please. With actual home rule a com
munity can apply every desirable re
form as an example to other communi
ties. The reforms Instituted by Gal
veston have given a hundred cities a
"commission" government. The reforms
instituted by Oregon give promise to
make over all our state governments.
In this way we learn to rule ourselves.
How long do you suppose Los Angeles
would inflict herself with the present
unjust, humbug, cumbersome method
of taxation if she had home rule?
How long would the people endure the
tariff if some enlightened community
applied a scientific method of raising
revenue which could be used nation
ally?
These reforms are coming after
many years of effort on the part of
the earnest few to find the way. Let
those of us who so ardently desire our
Ideal social state partially assist in the
less Inspiring labor of laying a Him
and enduring foundation.
K. Oi Jr» A 11.1. i .
. Washington.' Sept. 24.
BELIEVES IN ROOSEVELT
Editor Herald: The question has been
asked through your Interesting letter
column, "Who is this man Roosevelt
who ia swaggering through the coun
try, and what has he done for it that
all the people should turn out to do
him honor?' One correspondent says
'It was the glorious charge of San Juan
hill that has made him great in the
tyes of the people. There surely can be
no glory in slaying our brother man,
but he has been brave enough to stand
fin- right and honest principles without
lear or favor and even more so than
ever before, since he has dared to chal
lenge nis own party to come out and
meet him squarely on these issues that
are of no much importance and con
cern to our country. If by his political
stand and influence a now party shall
arise from the ashes of the old, purified
from the dross of corruption, he will
have served hia country well. AH honor
to the man Roosevelt. ANNIE OED.
Glendale, Sept. 22.
NO MILLENNIUM YET
Editor Herald: Your correspondent
J. C. Beynolds asks If the change from
Republican to Democratic rule In
Maine will lessen the cost of food,
clothing and si lter, increase wages,
decrease hours of labor, abolish child
labor and factory work for women,
stop boodling and corruption, improve
the schools and clean up politics, give
every one remunerative employment,
and other rl :'orms that would realize
at once the millennium. No, Brother
Reynolds, it wouldn't. The election
in Maine merely indicates that the ma
jority of the voters of that state are
dissatisfied with existing conditions,
and want some changes for the better,
but they lire not looking for the mil
lennium and wouldn't vote for it. The
moral and Intellectual development of
the nation must reach a much higher
plane than at presant before we are
ready to' live under ideal social and
economic conditions. The suggested in
ference of Mr. Reynolds is that a
vote for some other party would be
sufficient. But the average class
conscious, revolutionary, non-compro
mising, "scientific," all-or-rione-Social
ist—is no more prepared to live under
ideal conditions than the average voter.
Those who are working to effect pro»
gressive improvement in present con
ditions are the only ones who are do
ing- effective work toward the realiza
tion of an ideal system.*-
W. H. STUART.
Los Angeles, September 23.
DEWEY FOR PRESIDENT
Editor Herald: What's the matter
with the Democrat!: press generally?
Why are so many of them now either
silent or Joined with the cheap Re
publican press in boosting Teddy the
Trickster for a third term? It is easy
to understand why the Republican ed
itors do so, but Democratic editors
surely know Teddy is no more sincere
in his strenuous denunciation of
special privilege seekers than he al
ways has h.een, and that in seven
years' trial, or pretended trial, he ac
complished nothing of material value
for the common people or the welfare
of the country generally. His suit
against the Standard Oil was sheer
hypocrisy, never intended to material
ly incommode Rockefeller. Had he
desired to do anything worth doing he
would have Instituted suit' against
Harrlman, the real offender. But he
and Harrlman, according to Teddy's
own letter, were "practical men."
Yes, very practical In raising cam
paign funds to re-elect Teddy and p«r
petuate the rule of special privileges-
Just what Teddy and his toadies are
seeking to do now. It must be that,
unless Teddy has become an ingrate—
the most detestable of men.
Democrats never had a better op
portunity to elect a president than
they will have in 1912 if they will with
one accord boost a well known, life
long Jeffersonian Democrat, who is not
a political trickster, has no bitter en
emies or special interests to warp him,
but Is of ripe years, undoubted hon
esty and firmness of character; for In
stance, RtlOh a man as is Admh'al
fleorge Dewcy, whose platform is the
constitution of the United States and
the declaration of our Independence..
Respectfully yours for true democ
racy 'iiid equal rights for all.
Los AngeKs, Sept. 25.
In the Grand Canyon
The four-seated buckboard at El To
var. Grand Canyon of the Colorado,
could carry eight pasengers at a
squeeze; fare $4. But six appeared.
The driver gazed at them scornfully.
"Ef I'd known it was goin 1 to be a
little bunch like this I'd brought a
lighter rig. Ain't they goin" to change
it?"
Hotel Carriage Boy—l dunno. They
was two cancellations. (He gloomily
pulls two lunch boxes out of the bag.
A long wait.)
The Driver—Ain't they goin to
change?
The Boy—l dunno.
The Driver—Git up!
He drove his fourteen miles mono
syllabically, but coming back he woke
"Dear mo!" said the Lady from Cali
fornia. "Seems to mo it's rougher
than it was going."
"Tho rocks I miss goln' I hits com
ing hack," explainod the driver, ge
nially. "Have a driHk of wnter. '
"I will," said the Lady from Maino
gratofully. She took the cool drops
from the canteen. "Won't you have
some?" (to the driver.)
"Naw! I hain't much use for it.
Readin' about all the trouble Noah
hart with It prejerdiced me. Besides.
I had an uncle drownded in it once.
The Lady from Maine—ls there a
bar at the hotel?
The Driver—'Deed there is, mum.
The Lady from Malno—l haven't got
Tht Driver (in alarm)— How long
have you been yere, lady?
Tho Lady from Maine— They don t
have them In Maine.
The Driver—l thought Kansas was
the only crazy state.
The Man from New York—There are
ten move of them.
Tho Driver—Up in Nevady they ladle
it out In bushels.
Tho Lady from Maine—Well, may
be they drink It, but you don't see it
in Maine. I like it that way.
The Man from New York—Tastes
better taken in secret?
The Driver (to everybody)— Hey any
of ye been to Barstow? Where is it.
lady? Why, Barstow's the garding
spot of Callforny. Say, but it's the
hot hole. Why, they hey to feed the
Across the Pacific
San Francisco is but half way across
the United States, geographically
speaking. The Canadian Pacific steam
ers from Vancouver to the Orient skirt
for six days the long Aleutian Penin
sula and its pendent string of islands,
the property of Uncle Sam, which to
gether reach nearly across the North
Pacific, forming the southern shores or
Behring Sea and almost touching
ivamchatka. For three days the Islands
are in occasional view, and on some
voyages on the fifth day out the for
tunate travelers are favored with a
splendid spectacle which, with mis
taken modesty, the Canadian steam
ship people fail to mention in their
literature. It is the volcanic peak now
called Mount Cleveland, after the ast
Democratic president of the United
States, and well worthy of the name.
It lifts Its six thousand feet abruptly
from the sea. and so seems more lofty
than the usual rocky peak of twice its
height. Snow-clad* from base to sum
mit" it gleams like a great crystal In
the clear Arctic air. suggesting the
glory of Fuji, its nearest neighbor. In
Japan. The cone is gone, but the sharp
outlines of the crater show clear-cut
against the sky in the unblemished
whiteness of the Polar snow. Some
times it smokes and grumbles wear ly
In its vast loneliness as Enceladus stirs
himself below, but for the most part
this sentinel of the icy sea is silent
serene and most magnificent among the
mountains of the world When it lifts
it head above the clouds it most sug
gests its Japanese rival, though more
An Ambitious City
Los Angeles deserves to expand and
prosper. Situated some twenty miles
from the Pacific, it has annexed Wil
mington and San Pedro, on tfie coast,
and a narrow tract of territory con
necting them with Its old area. Now
U proposes to build a 100-foot boule
vard all the way to the sea, and is al
ready at work condemning property
for that purpose. Referees have Jut
reported to the superior court their ap
praisement of damages to be awarded
for the condemnation of "VTfnr the
288 pieces of property required for the
enterprise, the total amount involved
Merely in Jest
OF EQUAL WIT
The story is told that Judge Story
and Edward Everett were once the
prominent personages at a public din
ner in Boston. The former, as a volun
tary toast, gave: "Fame follows merit
where Everett goes."
The gentleman thus delicately com
plimented at once arose and replied
with this equally felicitous impromptu:
"To whatever height judicial learning
may attain in this country there will
always be one Story higher."—Lippln
cott's.
A TROUBLE MAKER
John Fox, the novelist, stayed over
night in a cabin in the Kentucky
mountains. In tho morning he repaired
to a mountain stream, producing Inci
dentally from his traveling case a
comb and a toothbrush, and being re
garded critically by a native youth,
who finally said: ,
"Say, mister, ain't you a lot of
trouble to yourself ?"—Ladles' Home
Journal.
HE HAD
"Papa, did you ever see a little bird
with a big bill?"
"Yes son, I once, ordered a quail on
toast at a fashionable restaurant."—
Houston Post.
ABOUT ALL
"Can a man do any good at college
"Well he's too old for football, of
course. He might possibly get on the
mandolin club."—Kansas City Journal.
IN BOSTON
"Do you believe in fairies, little
"No- but I pretend to, just to please
mar ma. She thlnK-. I do; and why
rob her of her harmless Illusions.' —
Kansas City Journal.
NO REFLECTION.
"Even tlnn the baby looks into my
h« :-mil.-H," said Mr. Meekins.
"Well," answered his wife, It may
not bo exactly polite, but it shows ho
has a sense of humor."—Tit-Bite.
(NVw York World)
hens cracked ice there to keep '^fl
from layln" hard-boiled eggs.
Tho Lady from California —Huh! I
The Drlvor—An 1 that ain't all.
while ago one of them Southern CaH
fornians dlod an' they put him in tl
crematorium an' turned on the ftfl
Threo days after they looked In I
soe how he "was gittln' on. Ho reaehß
out and said, "Oil me my overcoaH
I'm chilly."
The Lady from California—l doifl
bollcve you ever was in California. 1
The Driver —Yes, I was. Lots
holnn! Loa Angeles, Ranty Barharfl
Sandyago, 'n' Monterey. I druv thfl
■avantaoo miles.
The Lady from California—l learrtM
to swim at Monterey. You can't sal
anything against Los Angeles.
The Driver —Looks like 80 cents ta
mo with the 3 rubbod out.
The Lady from California—You don 1!
seem to like any place.
The Driver—Yea, I do.
The Lady from California—Where!
I'd like to know?
The Driver— Right hyar. This is th«
garding spot. Why, nobody ever dleJ
here. Say, it's that healthy, all right!
Why, we hain't got no cemetery!
The Lady from California—Do yoj
mean to say it's healthier than CallJ
fornia?
Tho Driver—Why, lady, an 1800-year-l
old man frisks around here like si
14-year-old boy in Californy. WhyJ
Californyi been tryin' to git Arizony
to annex her for tho last six years.
Tho Man from Chicago (with Inter
est)— Any graft here?
Tho Driver—Naw! Hain't had any
senco they grafted milkweed on to the
lea machine to git ice cream.
Silence.
The Driver (to all)— Arizony's a
state now. The Demmycrats are goin"
to stoat William Jennings Bryan pres
ident of the United States. -
Tho Lady from Maine—l thought ho
wasn't going to run again!
The Driver—Americans hate a quit
ter. William J. ain't a-goin' to git
hated. See that pint of rock over
the canyon? That's where Taft stood
last October an" had his picture took.
The Lady from Maine —Did he have
a rope around him?
The Driver —Naw! He stood all by
himself. He Raid tfye canyon was tho
biggest hole he'd ever been in. Haw,
haw! Teddy Roosevelt said he'd rather
hey the Yosemite. Git up!
austere and l«ss ornamental in aspect,
bit now less impressive to the eye.
Few Americans ever heard of this
glorious peak, and fewer still have be
held it. .
Drifting down from Alaska comes the
greatest of all sea plants, the Arctic
rockweed, that grows in shape like a
huge ship's hawser, and sometimes with
branches five hundred feet long. Thero
are no signs of leaves, but at intervals
of a fathom or so a knob, for al^ the
world like the buoy on a drift-net,
grows around the stem, aiding, as does
the buoy, in keeping the plant afloat
and creating the Impression that some
nets have gone astray.
The United States makes little use of
the Aleutian Islands, save so far as
they serve the purposes of the fur
company which controls the seal fish- 4
erles. But Japanese fishermen workJ
across in their odd boats from the!
Kurils and pick up a fare of fish now]
and then, making the farther islands]
an outpost in this work, and plratoj
among the scanty seals. ■ J
Japan is "east," but one travels al-«
ways west to get there. America 1«B
"west," but one travels always east t<M
return.
It is hard to put only Americans oiffl
guard, or even Canadians, despite thai
trouble both countries take. For exam- j
pie, Capt. Henry Tybus of the Canadian I
Pacific steamer Empress of Japan Is a ]
Cape of Good Hope Dutchman by birth,
and so Is Capt. Adrian Zeeger of the,
Pacific Mall ship Siberia. About tho
only born Americans to be found under*,
the flag are the ship doctors.
being approximately $800,000, while the
condemnation of other properties
needed for the same project is ex
pected to bring the final aggregate,
above a million. With government aid
a first class harbor will eventually be
constructed at San Pedro, from which
Los Angeles will, of course, benefit
greatly. If further proof of the exist
ence of a progressive public spirit on
the part of its citizens were required, it
might be found in the introduction of b.
water supply from a source 200 miles
distant. A city with such an imagina
tion deserves to grow.—Providence (R.
I.) Journal.
Far and Wide
MORE INJUSTICE
It was unfair for the New York
World to remark that the "Missouri
mule will have to take a back seat"
since Missouri's Chief Josephine broke
the world's milk record. So far as
known, the Missouri mule never has
made any claim to being a milk pro
ducer.—Kansas City Star.
MORE THAN A NAME
If Congressman McGllllcuddy of
Maine is in his usual good voice when
he makes his first speech in the na
tional house, the instruments at the
Washington observatory are likely to
record a seismic disturbance at that
time.—Concord Mirror.
LOCATING GREAT MORAL FORCE
Lorimerism in Illinois is under a
heavy cloud. Coxlam in Ohio is at tho
top of the heap. And the great moral
force is' always found courageously
and vociferously paradingl at the head
of the crowd in the direction that the
crowd wishes to, take.—Milwaukee
News.
ZEKE COOK'S SPEED
Zeke Cook tried to run down a gray
wolf in hi 3 pasture last Monday, but
ho wasn't fast enough. Zeke aays ho
never has been able to run like he did
when Sid Snow caught him making
love to Mrs. Sid in the park.—Crocker
News.
A CAMPAIGN PROPOSITION
Now a reciprocity treaty with Can
ada is proposed and will continue to
bo proposod until the campaign is
over.—St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
CHEERING HOPES
The Democrats are still further
cheered by the hope that Secretary
Norton will write another letter. —In-
dianapolis News.
EVERYTHING ELSE SOLD
The packers may yet have use fof
the squeal.—St. Louis Times.
Instead of th* Outlook why not call It
the Outlet? — Life.

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